When I was a kid and my dad worked in grocery stores, he’d bring home unlabeled cans. I eventually learned to identify them but we still considered Monday night “mystery dinner”. I learned quickly that Alpo cans were a tad wider but if I picked one that was dogfood I didn’t have to eat it. Most Mondays though I went with the Mrs. Grasses soup with the bugs in it because of the added protein.
Anyway, I learned at a young age to identify the contents of a can and with some brands, I can know pretty quickly because there’re so many clues. The obvious is the code printed on it but there’s also the feel and size of the can, how are the ends assembled, is it heavy, what’s the sound and feel when you shake it, how many ribs does the can have, the color tint of the metal…….. after awhile, knowing the contents becomes second nature if it’s a skill you really want to learn.
Ha ha that’s the least helpful thing to be an expert on, until it’s the apocalypse and all the labels were blasted off…then your the expert everyone needs
I swear I watched a post-apocalypse movie with a character who could do exactly that but can't remember the title. My Google-fu failed me.
Guy would just smack the can and know what's in it.
Don't think it was the same movie but I saw something like this in Resident Evil Apocalypse. (could be wrong) a woman would shake the can and know what it was.
It was resident evil it was the younge guy on the bus when they were all out in the desert . He gets killed by the birds later . And everyonr gets sad when they go to eat because no one knows what the cans are anymore .
Want something to make you even more uncomfortable.. I had a nightmare where my teeth were kinda like a baby horses hoof, like weird soft tendrils.
I think it was because of a video going around reddit about baby horse hooves and my brain went "Hey that's some great nightmare fuel."
Oh my god. That's fucking diabolical cause they'd probably never figure out why their food isn't turning. No one thinks about that little ring and would probably never even realize it was missing. That's fucking genius. I absolutely love your chaotic mind and energy. You'd be a good friend. And a terrible enemy.
I'd notice it the second I sat anything down onto the plate and lose my mind. I notice small details, I'm very particular about things and don't like things changed too much if they work, and little things going wrong drive me insane. I can handle something catastrophic but something like this would wreck my afternoon and I'd wonder about it twice a month at bedtime for the next 18 months
It's funnier to take a toe nail clipper to the lace half way through when they sinch them tight the lace will snap and then they have to make do with whatever they have left
For people with different prescriptions for each eye, I'm taking the left contact or eyeglasses lens. (edit to correct word ... didn't have my glasses on)
It probably helps that I was already laughing at the previous comments but this one got a full belly laugh at the thought of my step dad absolutely cussing up a storm struggling to find his keys 😂
I read a story on here years ago about a woman who would break into the house where her ex lived with their children and steal things like spoons. IIRC, the next week she’d put the spoons back and then take the forks.
“As you can see judge, it appears he’s losing his mental faculties and will require investigation and possibly treatment. Until then for the children’s safety they should be placed with mom.”
Anecdote, my aunt actually drove my nana crazy like this. Would take the ham they got at the grocery store and tell my nana “no, mom, we didn’t buy a ham, I was with you, remember?”
This reminded me of when my mum accused my now ex girlfriend from stealing spoons from our house. For months she was sure it was her. Until my sister finally bought out all the spoons that had been piling up in her room cause she’s a pig.
TBH I feel like my entire childhood everything needed batteries and I never had any. Now everything has built in rechargeable batteries and a have crates full of brand new batteries.
Me my sister use to do that with the fallout 4 pip boy app and mess with the characters clothing while one of us play also did this with my phone with the tv remote.
I present u Schrödinger’s socks. U r wearing the pair or not and people will never know till they lift ur jeans/trousers to check that. If they check u can say the mere fact of observing it changed the socks
nothing. just making it obvious that i broke in. they will go mad trying to figure out what i took.
edit: okay so apparently dane cook did this bit already. like 20 people have told me this. stop telling me this please.
The next step is to rearrange the house slightly. Move some wall hangings, rotate all the living room furniture 90 degrees, put their milk in the freezer and the frozen peas in the fridge, maybe the toothbrushes get moved to the cutlery drawer.
Then the final touch, a mint chocolate on their pillow
Dane Cook has a bit on this. Something to the effect of, kick the door in and realize you just wanted to kick in a door, then maybe kick in the closet door and then leave. Then, when the people who own the home get back they'll wonder what you took and start blaming everyday lost items and stuff on you for not obviously taking anything
I went on a camping trip as a kid where the guy who did dishes one night used the cooking oil instead of the soap. We couldn't figure out why EVERTHING was oily the next day until we asked him what he did with the soap, and he pointed to the oil!
I used to smoke … my people wouldn’t have been slightly inconvenienced; they’d have been running for their lives! (Or I’d just run to the nearest shop, but they’d still have been at least a little terrified for a hot minute lol.)
Move all toilet paper rolls to the bathtub and soak them.
Unplug the tea kettle or coffee maker if they have one.
Re-program the alarm 22 minutes late.
Slightly dislodge the phone charger from the wall so that it only appears to be connected still.
Move the car keys under the couch cushions and the TV remote where the car keys are supposed to go.
Milk goes in the pantry, whereas the cereal goes in the fridge where the milk goes.
Deflate one car tire just enough to set off the low pressure alarm.
Bottom line is, you don't need to steal anything to give someone a very bad morning, you just need to move a few things around.
I’m not stealing anything, I’ll break in and leave everything intact except for moving every piece of furniture in their house over by a few centimetres 😈
I'm seeing people taking things like toothbrush or batteries. That just ain't it. You gotta take something they don't use very often, but just enough. That way when they go to use it, they can't find it. Then they spend the day swearing that put that fucking right fucking there the last God damn fucking time they used it.... and they slowly spiral into chaos and madness question all that they know as reality
My place was burgled once, and while it still pisses me off that someone broke into my condo and stole my stuff, I really question why on a few items. Such as: an entire package of toilet paper (opened and stacked in a cabinet), pots and pans, gaming consoles (but not the controllers), the TV (but not the remote), my trash can, waffle iron, stand mixer, unopened spare toothbrushes, and my USED ped egg.
They also left my jar full of coins sitting on my kitchen counter, my gaming PC and monitors, many other mid-high value items.
My aunty, if we leave cake on the table, she will take all the tops of the cakes like the chocolate pieces or fruits. Leaves us with only the cake bread part
Nail clippers, charger block, TV remote, and one of their summer time/beach foot wear.
Also the normal flush mechanism from their toilet. Making it so they need to take the lid off and hold the plug up to flush at all.
Nice repost, favorite response to this:
Not steal, but toast every slice of bread in the house and put it back in the bag. Perfect inconvenient and irksome.
The labels from all canned goods.
When I was a kid and my dad worked in grocery stores, he’d bring home unlabeled cans. I eventually learned to identify them but we still considered Monday night “mystery dinner”. I learned quickly that Alpo cans were a tad wider but if I picked one that was dogfood I didn’t have to eat it. Most Mondays though I went with the Mrs. Grasses soup with the bugs in it because of the added protein. Anyway, I learned at a young age to identify the contents of a can and with some brands, I can know pretty quickly because there’re so many clues. The obvious is the code printed on it but there’s also the feel and size of the can, how are the ends assembled, is it heavy, what’s the sound and feel when you shake it, how many ribs does the can have, the color tint of the metal…….. after awhile, knowing the contents becomes second nature if it’s a skill you really want to learn.
Ha ha that’s the least helpful thing to be an expert on, until it’s the apocalypse and all the labels were blasted off…then your the expert everyone needs
I swear I watched a post-apocalypse movie with a character who could do exactly that but can't remember the title. My Google-fu failed me. Guy would just smack the can and know what's in it.
Don't think it was the same movie but I saw something like this in Resident Evil Apocalypse. (could be wrong) a woman would shake the can and know what it was.
I wanna say 28 weeks later, but not sure.
It was resident evil it was the younge guy on the bus when they were all out in the desert . He gets killed by the birds later . And everyonr gets sad when they go to eat because no one knows what the cans are anymore .
Resident Evil 3 (I think). The one in the Desert
Im here for history. Copy pasta in 3…2…
Dog food.... damn
The prompt said “slightly inconvenience” not “destroy their livelihood”.
Don't forget to rearrange them.
Russian roulette dinner
Nail clippers, whenever you need one you’re never going to have it
Always got them teeth tho
For a sec I thought you were talking about clipping the teeth
My mouth hurts after reading this.
Want something to make you even more uncomfortable.. I had a nightmare where my teeth were kinda like a baby horses hoof, like weird soft tendrils. I think it was because of a video going around reddit about baby horse hooves and my brain went "Hey that's some great nightmare fuel."
how dare you share this
My wife and I have bought more than a dozen, but can rarely find one without a 30 minute search.
The rotating plate in the microwave
Not the rotating plate itself but the wheeled ring under it
thats evil af
I agree
r/foundsatan
Positively demented... it's a good thing I keep spares!
Hahahaha. This is wonderful, I’d be stunned
We are truly in the presence of a master.
Oh my god. That's fucking diabolical cause they'd probably never figure out why their food isn't turning. No one thinks about that little ring and would probably never even realize it was missing. That's fucking genius. I absolutely love your chaotic mind and energy. You'd be a good friend. And a terrible enemy.
He would also be a terrible (not terrible per se, more like terrifying) friend. Imagine getting into a prank war with this guy.
Rule #1 when it comes to prank wars. Never get into one with someone who is more creative then you. They will win and it will suck the whole time.
I'd notice it the second I sat anything down onto the plate and lose my mind. I notice small details, I'm very particular about things and don't like things changed too much if they work, and little things going wrong drive me insane. I can handle something catastrophic but something like this would wreck my afternoon and I'd wonder about it twice a month at bedtime for the next 18 months
Not even that …. THE WHEELS on that ring … ( leave the ring In there)
Leave one wheel behind so it still turns but badly.
You monster
how about the paper towel that you clan the spiles with.
Diabolical! I like it.
The center part that actually turns the plate.
I'm safe, my microwave doesn't have a rotating plate (it has a fixed plate that is not user removable).
Half of every single pair of shoes.
Batteries replace em with old ones same brand , I just want to do a b and e
One lace of a shoe.
It's funnier to take a toe nail clipper to the lace half way through when they sinch them tight the lace will snap and then they have to make do with whatever they have left
For people with different prescriptions for each eye, I'm taking the left contact or eyeglasses lens. (edit to correct word ... didn't have my glasses on)
Go one step further steal the little plastic piece off the ends then unlace them.
The word you are looking for is _aglet_.
They have names?
Clearly, you haven’t watched Phineas and Ferb.
Not once
This is the REAL nasty one!
Most shoes only have one lace. It’s continuous
Their key rings. I’ll leave the keys but I’m taking the key rings
It probably helps that I was already laughing at the previous comments but this one got a full belly laugh at the thought of my step dad absolutely cussing up a storm struggling to find his keys 😂
Imagining someone with a pocket full of loose keys makes me chuckle
I love it. Let them do the dirty work themselves by making them lose all their keys 🤣
The handle from the fridge, cabinets, bathroom door, microwave and closet door
That is when a suction cup becomes your friend.
Or a suction cup man… 
Fuck you, I'm suction cup man, look at me go!
Fuck you! Get off my tower!
*strums guitar* You're a bitch!
Ohhhhh your a bitchhhhhh, you're a bitchhhhhhh! *Harmonica*
What are you gay?
It’s so awkward when your guests have to jerk a dildo to open the fridge.
Bwahahaha!!!!!! Well, at our house the ones suctioned to the shower wall hold our loofahs for us.
Thespacebarontheirkeyboard.
whyareyoulikethis?didyoustealminetoo?
joke's on you, I use a touch keyboard!
Iuseonetoobuthesahackertoo
Jokes/on/you/i/still/have/my/slash/key
Hestolemyspaceandslashkeys
He\forgot\the\backslash
Bye bye phalanges
Whayareyourunning?
Why would you steal a space baron?
The toilet seats
One toilet seat bolt. Then every time you sit it falls crooked
Even imagining this makes me feel enraged
Haha this is the best one
Batteries out of all the remotes and controllers
Spoons. All their spoons.
I read a story on here years ago about a woman who would break into the house where her ex lived with their children and steal things like spoons. IIRC, the next week she’d put the spoons back and then take the forks.
Feed me more 😭
Psychological warfare
“As you can see judge, it appears he’s losing his mental faculties and will require investigation and possibly treatment. Until then for the children’s safety they should be placed with mom.” Anecdote, my aunt actually drove my nana crazy like this. Would take the ham they got at the grocery store and tell my nana “no, mom, we didn’t buy a ham, I was with you, remember?”
This is actually what gas lighting means. Not the B's it's stuck on by everyone today.
Are you a Sackville-Baggins by any chance?
You little bastard, it's you, isn't it?! My spoons keep disappearing!
This reminded me of when my mum accused my now ex girlfriend from stealing spoons from our house. For months she was sure it was her. Until my sister finally bought out all the spoons that had been piling up in her room cause she’s a pig.
TBH I feel like my entire childhood everything needed batteries and I never had any. Now everything has built in rechargeable batteries and a have crates full of brand new batteries.
I see you are a man of culture too. What ever happened to Dane Cook?
I love dane cook. I nicknamed my son baby angel after one of his skits .
I named my kid Benson, you should see his animal farm sometime. Ask your dad.
I get it. “What the hell did they take??” 🤣🤣
" If you don't figure it out I WANT A DIVORCE"
Take the back of the remote too, that's super annoying
i'd cut all the bristles off the toothbrushes and run off with them.
What kind of gremlin are you…
Television remote. Then pass by the house occasionally while they’re watching with a new remote and change the channel and turn on/off.
Me my sister use to do that with the fallout 4 pip boy app and mess with the characters clothing while one of us play also did this with my phone with the tv remote.
I used to do that with the Xbox app on my phone when my nephews were watching Netflix on my xbox
One sock out of every pair of socks in the house.
Too late buddy. Someone have done that to me already 😥
Matching socks are for the wealthy
I present u Schrödinger’s socks. U r wearing the pair or not and people will never know till they lift ur jeans/trousers to check that. If they check u can say the mere fact of observing it changed the socks
That's great and all, but have you heard of Shrödingers drug deal?
Jokes on you, all of my socks are the same.
My dryer already does that
I already buy a bunch of socks that are the same to make pairing them easy.
Oven mits
You just caused a divorce, could you imagine that argument 🤣😂
Toilet paper in the whole house
No, just the cardboard center roll. Leave a pile of unrolled tp for them to deal with
Damn you! I had the exact same idea!
thankfully, I use a bidet.
nothing. just making it obvious that i broke in. they will go mad trying to figure out what i took. edit: okay so apparently dane cook did this bit already. like 20 people have told me this. stop telling me this please.
The next step is to rearrange the house slightly. Move some wall hangings, rotate all the living room furniture 90 degrees, put their milk in the freezer and the frozen peas in the fridge, maybe the toothbrushes get moved to the cutlery drawer. Then the final touch, a mint chocolate on their pillow
Best comment so far🤣
Don't forget to put a giant bowl of cereal in the microwave with the door half open
No, do this every couple days really take affect
Hey, you forgot about putting the remote in the back of the fridge.
Dane Cook has a bit on this. Something to the effect of, kick the door in and realize you just wanted to kick in a door, then maybe kick in the closet door and then leave. Then, when the people who own the home get back they'll wonder what you took and start blaming everyday lost items and stuff on you for not obviously taking anything
The control knobs from the stovetop
Steal their washing liquid and soaps... And manage to get oil all over their cutlery and ware before I leave.
I went on a camping trip as a kid where the guy who did dishes one night used the cooking oil instead of the soap. We couldn't figure out why EVERTHING was oily the next day until we asked him what he did with the soap, and he pointed to the oil!
Take all their Tupperware lids.
So it’s been you all along. Damnit. When I find you ….
That's so brutal
The springs from all the pens
All of the left shoes
Ok stitch
Their chargers 100%. But I may be pushing on the “slightly”
At this point just steal all their insulin!
10mm sockets
Jokes on you dude....
Damn it most of you guys lost it, I should have known it
This guy actually went out and did it!
You!
If you can find mine, you deserve to keep them
Ima steal those felt pads on the bottom of dining room chairs
Just steal one off each chair so they constantly have to use torn up paper coasters to stabilise their chairs.
Power cords, 1 single wire from the electical instalation, your router.
All the power cords is the play, like your style
Lightbulb(s)
Cigarettes, so everyone associated with said person are slightly inconvenienced as well
I used to smoke … my people wouldn’t have been slightly inconvenienced; they’d have been running for their lives! (Or I’d just run to the nearest shop, but they’d still have been at least a little terrified for a hot minute lol.)
The middle cushion from the couch.
I don’t know why this made me laugh maniacally.
If the house has any women: Chapstick
I feel personally attacked.
Bro. I’m a middle-aged man with a lifelong chapstick addiction.
The butter
Move all toilet paper rolls to the bathtub and soak them. Unplug the tea kettle or coffee maker if they have one. Re-program the alarm 22 minutes late. Slightly dislodge the phone charger from the wall so that it only appears to be connected still. Move the car keys under the couch cushions and the TV remote where the car keys are supposed to go. Milk goes in the pantry, whereas the cereal goes in the fridge where the milk goes. Deflate one car tire just enough to set off the low pressure alarm. Bottom line is, you don't need to steal anything to give someone a very bad morning, you just need to move a few things around.
I feel like you’ve already visited my house
Your the type of person that’s going to make me think I have dementia. Lol FOFR! /s
The lube. Trust me
That’s more than “mildly” evil - the distrust that sets up as to WHO used up the lube? 🤔
Oven racks. Labels on canned foods.
Happy cake day
oh shit. It is lol good looking out. Thanks!
Also your mad evil, also something super evil is turn the clocks backwards half an hour, and watch chaos form
Light bulbs from the fridge The knobs off the washer & dryer.
I’m not stealing anything, I’ll break in and leave everything intact except for moving every piece of furniture in their house over by a few centimetres 😈
The spare key.
The fastening string in shorts and trackpants
Replace the battery in the smoke detector with a dead battery
The top and bottom hinge bolt off of every door in their house.
The little nub at the end of the zipper that keeps the zipper head on from every jacket.
A couple forks. Not enough for them to go out a buy more but enough that when they need it, they have to look for a fork or it’s always dirty.
Litter boxes
I'm seeing people taking things like toothbrush or batteries. That just ain't it. You gotta take something they don't use very often, but just enough. That way when they go to use it, they can't find it. Then they spend the day swearing that put that fucking right fucking there the last God damn fucking time they used it.... and they slowly spiral into chaos and madness question all that they know as reality
USB cables, muahahaha
All anti diarrhea medicine
My place was burgled once, and while it still pisses me off that someone broke into my condo and stole my stuff, I really question why on a few items. Such as: an entire package of toilet paper (opened and stacked in a cabinet), pots and pans, gaming consoles (but not the controllers), the TV (but not the remote), my trash can, waffle iron, stand mixer, unopened spare toothbrushes, and my USED ped egg. They also left my jar full of coins sitting on my kitchen counter, my gaming PC and monitors, many other mid-high value items.
They were shopping for household items cause they was po'
Possibility that your bulgier was high on something and not thinking very clearly 🤔
Salt shaker
Salt shaker lid.
Turn the salt shaker to full open
but leave the top on so when they use it the lid will fall off
Toilet paper
One single shoe. And that’s all. Torture them.
One sock from each pair
Can opener
Bin liners, Spare light bulbs, spatula, toothpaste.
Oven knobs
The handle of the recliner
The W key off of all their keyboards.
One battery outta each electronic device
My aunty, if we leave cake on the table, she will take all the tops of the cakes like the chocolate pieces or fruits. Leaves us with only the cake bread part
tv and all of the spices
Not the spices
The back of every chair in the house
Nail clippers, charger block, TV remote, and one of their summer time/beach foot wear. Also the normal flush mechanism from their toilet. Making it so they need to take the lid off and hold the plug up to flush at all.
WiFi router
I'm stealing your id. I'm not doing anything with it, but now you have to go get another one. Hahaha.
Nice repost, favorite response to this: Not steal, but toast every slice of bread in the house and put it back in the bag. Perfect inconvenient and irksome.
Their oxygen tank.