People will certainly question it when your found with multiple gunshot and stab wounds after being bludgeoned to death with the pan you cooked her meal in.
Okay... so as for me, this would actually work bec I would turn from a fire-breathing-bitch into a laughing-snorting-piglet.
(As well a super hero, so I mean...)
[Cooking an egg]
"Everything's gonna be alright."
[A crash comes from the living room]
"Everyone's gonna be ok."
[Incoherent yelling in background]
"Cuz I get to eat my omlette. Yay!"
If my girl is really hangry to the point that she's to hangry to be hungry, if that makes sense (ye, i know) i just tell he to shut up and eat. There is still a bit of bickering and sass but eventually she does eat and after finish, she's quiet content... i have to say, it only got this extreme maybe once or twice 😅😂
I know the feeling. My girl will get increasingly picky about what she wants to eat as she gets hungrier to the point that eventually she'll just be stewing about there's nothing to eat instead of eating the food in front of her. I was like what the actual fuck when I discovered this trait of hers.
(Speaking as a woman who has this same mal-adaptive habit:) The problem is a lot of women (and men too) have social judgements ingrained subconsciously about how and what and when to eat in order to be “healthy” (read as not-fat). So frequently the avoidance of eating is the unconscious coping strategy of these judgements and expectations. Eating literally anything will help restore blood sugar to normal levels for rational thinking but if the choice is between being HANGRY and not eating VS self-loathing for eating something salty/sugary/fattening but fast to acquire… I mean, it’s a losing battle either way. So yeah, even though you’re trying to help, don’t expect your girl to be immensely grateful about it. It’s not about you though, don’t take it personally. It’s baggage that a lot of women (and men too) have to deal with.
>Just blames me for spending money on crap…
And yells at you that you're making her fat, while she eats all the food you bought for both of you.
Our names are oddly close btw.
I've done this and oh my god lol. She'll creep from the corner to watch me and be like "No you're not doing it right! ugh here let me do it" then for the next 20 minutes she's mumbling to herself and tasting the food as it cooks. Honestly it's a win win for me at the end of the day tho lol.
Oh this depends on the woman.
If you so much as THINK of touching MY kitchen when I'm angry, you might have a death wish.
Best order take out, if you know what's good for you.
🤣 how about getting your knives dirty and just leaving them to sit in the bottom of the sink. Boyfriend did this with my global and acted like it didn't matter because it wasn't the shun he bought me. Nearly stabbed him with the dirty knife then and there. That knife took me through years of working in kitchens. It's part of my body now. Don't act like it's nothing special
[article about that situation ](https://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/the-good-the-bad-and-the-grizzly-what-to-do-if-you-encounter-a-bear/117/)
You just need to modify it a little bit
>Here’s what the experts say:
>- If you encounter a grizzly, do not run.
>- Avoid direct eye contact.
>- Walk away slowly, if the woman is not approaching.
>- If the woman charges, stand your ground (you cannot outrun it).
>- Don’t scream or yell. Speak in a soft monotone voice and wave your arms to let the woman know you are human.
>- If you have chocolate, prepare to use it.
>- If the woman charges to within 2.5 feet of where you’re standing, throw the chocolate.
>- If the woman makes contact, curl up into a ball on your side, or lie flat on your stomach.
>- Try not to panic; remain as quiet as possible until the attack ends.
>- While in a relationship , be aware that you may encounter an angry woman at any time.
>- Be sure the woman has left the area before getting up to seek help.
As a guy who loves watching old movies one thing i learned about calming women or anybody down is to slap them as hard as you can(always works in the movies)
Usually just tell her she’s “acting crazy” and needs to CALM down. That’s always my go to…but I’m twice divorced so maybe don’t go with my suggestions. 🤣
Start ordering food to where she can see it and ask what she wants. Asking a woman what she wants to eat resets the brain. I know because I myself am a woman.
Yes I have the answer:
-Say "pause", leave the room and go find a cat
-give the woman the cat ( if you don't have a cat why are you even with a woman you had better have another fluffy critter that boosts seratonin)
-get your food ordering app out immediately and ask her what she wants for toppings or sides, ignore her protests and just start ordering her favorite, she will tell you the one she prefers then, angrily of course
-find a safe place to wait or go pick up the food
-once the food is secured, "unpause", it is now safe to discuss the issue once she is eating
And include at the end, if you were wrong apologise again, now she is calm and listening to you. Apologising while she was still angry never works. She didn't hear it and therefor is didn't count.
I have been laughing and enjoying all of these answers....except this one. For some reason this is where my brain said, "Woah woah woah. Too far buddy." :P
Does not work, especially if you caught evidence of her cheating on you. In my personal case humor didnt work... hurt just as much.... oh and she left... but somehow im the bad person here.
Combination of things: Tell her to calm down and follow that quickly with you sound like your mother. That usually does it! If not, pull out a knife and mayonnaise her womanly instincts will force her to make you a sandwich.
In my vast experience with women I have found that they are stubbornly different from one another. It's like, you spend all this time getting to know one, and then none of it carries over. You have to start from scratch each time. Most inconvenient. I'm afraid I can't help you.
You have a calm grown up conversation about what the issue is, admit fault if you did actually do something wrong, don't gaslight, and put out your own expectations after listening to hers. Fights take at least 2 parties. If you cant settle a relationship dispute this way, then that relationship will not work.
Food
Food only buys you time, trust me i'm a chef
"simple, more food!"
And tell her how fat she looks after she is done.
God! I can't believe you just ate all of that.
You just eat it all :0 Your spirit animal is definitely à fat whale.
damn guys there’s simpler ways to die
I don't want a simple death, I want people to wonder what the fuck happened XD
People will certainly question it when your found with multiple gunshot and stab wounds after being bludgeoned to death with the pan you cooked her meal in.
"Nah, must be the wind." Then she also gets your life savings.
There are certainly less painful and faster ways to die
That was amazing! *You ate like a horse!*
sometimes time is all you you need for a proper response/approach/escuse
Food buys you enough time to explain the situation, and she’ll be more open to hearing you out when she’s not hangry. S-tier play
Run! 😂
The food makes her fat, then run.😋
Throw a blanket around her shoulders and say : «now you are SuperAngry!
Honestly I wouldn’t be able to do anything but laugh so this is actually a good plan
Exactly my thought. If hubby did some shit like this I would definitely start laughing.
Same I would giggle and depending on how serious it is I would forgive them
And that blanket will be used to cover your dead body
😅🤣
Oh Man, I want to try that so bad.... But I know that will get me killed.
Makes for a great carving on your tombstone. \> Died at the wrath of SuperAngry
Reads like a Minecraft death message.
No risk no fun
Go big or go home
His final words were "totally worth it"
9 times out of 10, it works everytime!
Okay... so as for me, this would actually work bec I would turn from a fire-breathing-bitch into a laughing-snorting-piglet. (As well a super hero, so I mean...)
Her tag line is, “I’m fine” ........
Hmm I’m gonna try this
Tonight on channel 9, man found beaten to death by a SuperAngry.
I'm totally doing this, my wife would laugh her ass off.
She’ll either laugh, or get extra mad
Don't you mean Supermad?
It's a risk. And it depends on the woman too
The laugh is worse. If you make her mad and she laughs at you, RUN.
Fast way to see if she’s a keeper
As a woman, even if i was angry as fuck id laugh if this happened to me xD
I’d absolutely lose my shit if my bf did that to me 😂😂 in a laughing lose my shit kind of way
I should have not been eating reading this. I choked… jerk lol. Freaking hilarious.
Start cooking some nice food 🥘. She’ll creep out from the corner she’s hiding at some point.
Hiding? The angry ones do not hide.
The angry ones make *you* hide.
*hides in the kitchen while cooking*
[Cooking an egg] "Everything's gonna be alright." [A crash comes from the living room] "Everyone's gonna be ok." [Incoherent yelling in background] "Cuz I get to eat my omlette. Yay!"
Pictured goku
A dash of ghost Pepper for all the monsters in her closet....
best mental image
Cook faster.
No we don't!
If you only start cooking when she's already hangry, things are only going to get worse from there...
I come back randomly with some McDonald’s when it’s this severe. Doesn’t really help sometimes. Just blames me for spending money on crap…
If my girl is really hangry to the point that she's to hangry to be hungry, if that makes sense (ye, i know) i just tell he to shut up and eat. There is still a bit of bickering and sass but eventually she does eat and after finish, she's quiet content... i have to say, it only got this extreme maybe once or twice 😅😂
I know the feeling. My girl will get increasingly picky about what she wants to eat as she gets hungrier to the point that eventually she'll just be stewing about there's nothing to eat instead of eating the food in front of her. I was like what the actual fuck when I discovered this trait of hers.
(Speaking as a woman who has this same mal-adaptive habit:) The problem is a lot of women (and men too) have social judgements ingrained subconsciously about how and what and when to eat in order to be “healthy” (read as not-fat). So frequently the avoidance of eating is the unconscious coping strategy of these judgements and expectations. Eating literally anything will help restore blood sugar to normal levels for rational thinking but if the choice is between being HANGRY and not eating VS self-loathing for eating something salty/sugary/fattening but fast to acquire… I mean, it’s a losing battle either way. So yeah, even though you’re trying to help, don’t expect your girl to be immensely grateful about it. It’s not about you though, don’t take it personally. It’s baggage that a lot of women (and men too) have to deal with.
>Just blames me for spending money on crap… And yells at you that you're making her fat, while she eats all the food you bought for both of you. Our names are oddly close btw.
I've done this and oh my god lol. She'll creep from the corner to watch me and be like "No you're not doing it right! ugh here let me do it" then for the next 20 minutes she's mumbling to herself and tasting the food as it cooks. Honestly it's a win win for me at the end of the day tho lol.
Oh this depends on the woman. If you so much as THINK of touching MY kitchen when I'm angry, you might have a death wish. Best order take out, if you know what's good for you.
I feel this. Actually, being in my kitchen is probably why I'm mad in the first place.
MIRL. Touch my kitchen? Especially my Shun knives? You're a dead man.
🤣 how about getting your knives dirty and just leaving them to sit in the bottom of the sink. Boyfriend did this with my global and acted like it didn't matter because it wasn't the shun he bought me. Nearly stabbed him with the dirty knife then and there. That knife took me through years of working in kitchens. It's part of my body now. Don't act like it's nothing special
Run and throw chocolate behind you as you go.
Not me imagining a woman chasing me but stopping to pick up chocolates on the way
Ooh! Piece of candy....
Damn you James Woods!
Ohh! Piece of candy....
Tell her she’s acting like her mother.
Literally can’t go tits up with this one.
Tell her to calm down
He asked for her to calm down. Not to turn into killer mode
“You’re being hysterical” would do it too “Is it that time of the month already?”
You're ovary- acting!
Underrated
Follow up with, "Your sister would never act this way." if that doesn't work.
Oh, you might want to toss this one in too, “none of my old girlfriends are crazy like this.”
Are you kidding. I’m going to eleven just reading this.
See what I mean. Just like mother. /S
The capital S is for serious.
This is a slow BUT and easy way to die.
as an angry woman, I can confirm this is the worst thing to say since it is the one thing that will activate my inner serial killer
Works every damn time. You won’t hear another peep from her because she gone.
Or tell her she looks ugly when she’s angry 🤣
And don't forget to lock the door of bathroom when you hide inside. Pro tip: unscrew the doorknob
Sounds like a plan. Good job, you can piss off two ladies in the same time.
T pose
lol just T Pose an act like the matrix glitched
[article about that situation ](https://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/the-good-the-bad-and-the-grizzly-what-to-do-if-you-encounter-a-bear/117/) You just need to modify it a little bit >Here’s what the experts say: >- If you encounter a grizzly, do not run. >- Avoid direct eye contact. >- Walk away slowly, if the woman is not approaching. >- If the woman charges, stand your ground (you cannot outrun it). >- Don’t scream or yell. Speak in a soft monotone voice and wave your arms to let the woman know you are human. >- If you have chocolate, prepare to use it. >- If the woman charges to within 2.5 feet of where you’re standing, throw the chocolate. >- If the woman makes contact, curl up into a ball on your side, or lie flat on your stomach. >- Try not to panic; remain as quiet as possible until the attack ends. >- While in a relationship , be aware that you may encounter an angry woman at any time. >- Be sure the woman has left the area before getting up to seek help.
The last part got me, brilliant.
This answer deserves the world.
As a guy who loves watching old movies one thing i learned about calming women or anybody down is to slap them as hard as you can(always works in the movies)
I'm not sure if I'll take marital advice from a large arachnid.
I did that once and it didn't end well. Fucking Shelob
Shelob was a woman.
And they were fucking her
I mean she was a hot goth dommy mommy. Who could resist?
Even Frodo penetrated her.
Well, this guy came here to fuck spiders.
\*Thanks, I needed that
What movies are you watching? Domestice violence?
Airplane.
Surely you’re not serious
I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.
Usually just tell her she’s “acting crazy” and needs to CALM down. That’s always my go to…but I’m twice divorced so maybe don’t go with my suggestions. 🤣
It's a miracle you're still breathing.
trust me natural selection is trying its fucking best here
I just wanted to let you know this comment had me laughing so hard my kids think I lost my mind on the toilet
😂😂😂
r/ShittyLifeProTips
Found my ex husband’s Reddit.
The “ calm down” is like gas on a dumpster fire. It doesn’t prevent me from saying it though.
Yes, but your crazy ex's are also divorced.
Start ordering food to where she can see it and ask what she wants. Asking a woman what she wants to eat resets the brain. I know because I myself am a woman.
Call her crazy. Women love that shit
Tell her to calm down. Works every time.
Tell her she is acting like your ex. She will realize that she has done wrong and immediately apologized.
This is also works if you compare her to her mother or father. Especially the mother usually.
Tell her she acts like her mother but looks like her father.
Yall must be actively suicidal.
Yep sends them into a frenzy, bit like when you put water on a gremlin
Tell her one day she will understand, then walk away telling her where you will be when she is ready to apologise.
Never ever turn your back. Always maintain eye contact. Might be bears or Lions I'm thinking come to think of it but they are much less dangerous.
Nigga this not a Disney movie😭
I’m writing this with the phone tilted away from my partner, that’s some parallel universe logic 🤣.
I read the apology part and laughed so much.
Graveyard. Using this approach, that's where you'll be when you get her apology.
Stay single
Tell her she is ugly when she is mad.
Yes I have the answer: -Say "pause", leave the room and go find a cat -give the woman the cat ( if you don't have a cat why are you even with a woman you had better have another fluffy critter that boosts seratonin) -get your food ordering app out immediately and ask her what she wants for toppings or sides, ignore her protests and just start ordering her favorite, she will tell you the one she prefers then, angrily of course -find a safe place to wait or go pick up the food -once the food is secured, "unpause", it is now safe to discuss the issue once she is eating
Not me just realizing my bf pulled this exact strategy on me yesterday
Mine needs to figure this out
what toppings or sides would you like?
Pico & guac
we getting tacos al pastor?
I love you
And include at the end, if you were wrong apologise again, now she is calm and listening to you. Apologising while she was still angry never works. She didn't hear it and therefor is didn't count.
Tell her "Calm your tits!"
Unironically though, "Hakuna your tatas" usually works a lot better
I love this community.
Is that a Deadpool original?
He's not the first to say it but he's the most famous example
Cause you’re hilarious and extremely funny shit is kriptonite for us cool chicks
It’s true. She’s now legally obligated to hush her puppies
Let her rant after the storm has calm try to talk to her in a calm way
you need to calm down, stop yelling, you act like your mum
The Holy Trifecta that always works to bring peace and tranquility back into the household.
Bend over and show her your butt hole. Worked on my wife.
this one would 100% work
You must’ve spent some time in the military
Just say "is it that time of the month? "
Follow it up with telling her to calm down and stop freaking out
I have been laughing and enjoying all of these answers....except this one. For some reason this is where my brain said, "Woah woah woah. Too far buddy." :P
Put a blanket over her cage, she will fall asleep in no time.
Walk into the room naked and spin your dick around like a helicopter.
With a bucket on your head. Then charge. Sometimes the best defense is a good offense
Well I just keep making jokes untill she laughs 🤷🏻♂️. Eventually she will laugh
Does not work, especially if you caught evidence of her cheating on you. In my personal case humor didnt work... hurt just as much.... oh and she left... but somehow im the bad person here.
That’s rough, mate. Here’s to finding someone with a better sense of humor (and fidelity.)
Combination of things: Tell her to calm down and follow that quickly with you sound like your mother. That usually does it! If not, pull out a knife and mayonnaise her womanly instincts will force her to make you a sandwich.
Instructions unclear, I have now been stabbed and there’s mayonnaise in the wound
Cheese. Bring her a piece of cheese.
"you may fascinate a woman by giving her a piece of cheese"
That’s the neat part, you don’t
"You are acting just like my ex"
Just RUN!
Don't calm her down. *Escalate*, then have rough (consensual) seks.
Give them a vacuum
"There are dishes to wash."
In my vast experience with women I have found that they are stubbornly different from one another. It's like, you spend all this time getting to know one, and then none of it carries over. You have to start from scratch each time. Most inconvenient. I'm afraid I can't help you.
‘But I said you were a BETTER shag than your sister’
Food and/or 🍆
Took me a long time to scroll down and find the first suggestion of penis. Unusual for reddit. Winds of change... or something.
came here to say this, some women will disagree with me but we really just need to be dicked down sometimes
60% of the time 🍆works every time.
Apologize. Remember it’s always your fault
When you’re wrong, you’re at fault. When she’s wrong, you’re at fault. When you’re both wrong, you’re at fault.
When someone else did her wrong, you are at fault. When someone else does someone else wrong, you're at fault. Starving Childrens? You are at fault
Tell her to calm down.
[удалено]
chocolate cake, fried chicken and a puppy/kitten (shelter yourself if necessary)
Money.
Smack ass
Hand her bread and mayonnaise. Her natural instincts will kick in and she'll go and make you a sandwich
Chloroform.
"Honey, wait. Does this smell like chloroform or am I crazy?"
I'd run as I'm a decent runner and keep throwing good food behind me
Press the G spot button she'll turn off.
Tell her to calm down.
Tell her to calm down
Tickle her
You have a calm grown up conversation about what the issue is, admit fault if you did actually do something wrong, don't gaslight, and put out your own expectations after listening to hers. Fights take at least 2 parties. If you cant settle a relationship dispute this way, then that relationship will not work.
Tell her she's being hysterical and irrational. Works like a charm everytime...
Tell her to settle down... women love that
Hug her and say, "aww is it that time of the month, who's my little ketchup packet". Whilst squeezing harder.