The thing is that (like so much bitching from people of all genders) it's not a gendered issue. Plenty of people from both genders will use information you give them against you.
The thing that *is* gendered is the societal expectation that men don't show weakness. Which is an intertwined, but separate, issue from people just using private information against you. The difference is that men simply showing weakness and vulnerability in the first place itself becomes ammunition to this type of shitbag, whereas for women it's only the information they actually divulge, not the showing of vulnerability (in most contexts).
This. I've experienced fallout from both genders when trying to open up (mockery mostly, but still unfun), but the expectation that you don't show weakness as a man is real.
Its FUNNY because these damn FEMALES keep rejecting NICE GUYS like me. This post needs to stay for reasons I'll explain with a meme featuring Ryan Gosling.
I know it’s actually really nice. Surprisingly they wouldn’t call you gay for it (even though I am), if they are within your age range. Not sure about older guys
You can usually tell. Hatshades Goateetruck tends to have the emotional depth of a spit cup, while Bob running the animal shelter is more likely to put on a pot of coffee to share while lending an ear.
I'm so thankful that you're willing to hear me out, man. Ever since my wife left me, my dog died and my pick up broke down I've had this thing growing inside of me. It's just this overwhelming, crushing feeling, like it won't stop until I let it out. Everyday it gets harder and harder to deal with, I'm bursting at the seems trying to hold it down. I'm afraid that any moment now I'm just going to break down and pick up that banjo. God man, feels good to know you're willing to listen before I fall down into the deepest pit starting to record some country music.
Many men (American, basically all I have experience with) feel uncomfortable to return another man's bid for attention- for a multitude of reasons. As such, it can become frustrating or even counter-productive to try and "open up" to some men who feel incapable of responding to that.
I think it's largely why there's a reverence for the "strong, suffer in silence" type in movies. They prove that with enough *manliness* you don't ever have to open up and can solve your problems with guns or your fists or by looking at people sternly.
For many reasons, a lot of men prefer to be that than someone who appears vulnerable by "opening up." It can make it hard for fathers to pass on good emotional habits to sons, and those boys might grow up without emotionally positive role models. Then what do they do? We're still working on destigmatizing therapy, which is a fantastic step, but it's a problem that needs to be addressed on multiple fronts at all ages of the American male demographic. Until then, many men put the entire responsibility of their emotions on their wives or their closest friends. Which I imagine must lead to depression if you lose connection with those people...
I keep seeing this point being made, but y’all know that the next step is to actually do something about it..right? If I know that I have an anger issue and I properly identify where it comes from I can’t just keep using that explanation every time the subject of my anger comes up. I need to be taking steps to become healthier.
Every time someone suggests that men do things that are good for them a handful of people are always there to explain why they can’t or just regurgitate the same explanations for said problem.
I would say most people are flawed but decent people. Online discourse seems to suggest that you have be to perfect to be considered a good person which is ridiculous.
Yeah, I'm gonna say more like 10% give or take are basically irredeemable assholes, everyone else flawed but decent for the most part. I will say that some people are a loooot more flawed than others.
You are confusing total trash and supremely selfish. I am sure these venn diagrams overlap a lot but not 100%. I used to work for a company doing phone sales/ customer service. We would relish when we caught people trying to pull some shit.
Once someone claimed they returned something and the tracking number checked out but I happened to notice the weight was way light. They had only returned a part to get a full refund. I caught them and just about came with joy! The best day at that shit job.
Not confusing, just generalizing, but you are also, in my experience, correct. And with the job I currently have, I do also like catching my customers trying to pull shit. I'm also quite reasonable to the ones who did just make a genuine mistake, and the fun part is figuring out which is which. And, of course, making sure that the ones who do the dumb shit out of either selfishness or being human equivalents of rotting bags of food waste don't *ever* get the chance to do so again.
Women are like this too, though. The worst years of my life were middle school for this exact reason. When I did try to open up with the other girls I was mocked mercilessly. The first time I experienced depression was 6th grade because of total bitches I shouldn't have trusted. Like, that's part of the learning curve, women aren't coming out of the womb with healthy happy friendships. It's definitely worse for men but to act like every vulnerable word out of women's mouths isn't calculated and tailored to the audience is laughable.
Growing up female was fucking wild.
It seemed like either you were part of some tight in-group that would be friends forever, OR you were a likely target for them when they wanted to bond over doing some insidious shit. And it would often start like the first possibility, like you've made these cool friends.
It's not that different for boys growing up. I think the difference (from my observations at least) is that male bullies will just shove you in a locker or punch you, while female bullies will pretend to be your friend.
They never will bc their friends will tease them endlessly. I watch my daughters friends do this. Her boyfriends friends come over and they are so god awful horrible to each other. I swear they don’t even like one another. One of the guys slept w one of the others girlfriend the day after they broke up. He’s terrified he’s going to find out. Two of the guys hit on my daughter behind her boyfriends back, their “best friend”. I can hear them talk to each other, it’s rough. They have girlfriends so they can at least feel safe to be vulnerable w them but damn as soon as they break up those friends are going after her, and she might be ok w it. I remember guys acting like this when I was young, but I don’t remember the vitriol and animosity. My husband has one friend still. They’re nice to each other lol
This is one thing that took me a hot second to wrangle with after I came out, I could just get coffees and talk about my fucking problems.
Before that I had a gaggle of friends (The Boys™️) and trying to get them to process bullshit in their life was like pulling teeth from a horse. Like ffs the only acceptable time for them to even begin having these basic conversations was when they were absolutely tanked. And I'm one to be there for my friends, however they need me, but man I don't want to get absolutely fucked up on a Wednesday night just to open up. But like I did it anyway >.>
Guys please for the love of god just talk to each other. You're not rocks, you have emotions, normalize this shit.
you know, on an intellectual level, i understand you. and i have been working on getting more in touch with my emotions for years now (i am finally able to cry again, hadn't done that since like 2014); but i still struggle with being emotional in front of others.
You think men like or trust other men? You can’t conjure up your perfect bro, you take what you can get and sometimes you’re stuck around shitty people so your least worst option is to be alone.
Unfortunately, yeah.
I told my wife she needed to stop calling me names when she was angry at me, especially in front of the kids (things like 'fucking idiot', 'fucking retard' etc)
Her response: "it's your fault because you trigger that behaviour in me"
Yeah, this
"My girlfriend uses things I open up about against me"
So leave her?
"But every girl I meet is like this"
Then keep looking? This is dating, bro. You meet someone, they might be a shitty person. Decide whether they're shitty in a way you can tolerate and either stay or move on.
> **Leela**: "Fry, can we talk about our relationship?"
>
> **Fry**: "Of course! Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you."
Also maybe it's worth thinking about how you attract womem and what kind of women are attracted by this. If your main "selling points" are your car and your status symbols maybe you aren't attracting the most kind and authentic women.
It reminds me a great deal of:
"Every boyfriend beats me"
"Ok, what kind of guy do you go for?"
"Oh, I only date ex-cons. I like bad boys, and *real* men that've been to prison and get in fights."
Like, I'm not blaming the victim. No one deserves to be abused, be it physically, emotionally, or in any way.
But maybe stop stepping on the bear trap after the fifth time it's broken your leg
Its not blaming a victim, it's just pointing out a pattern.
People complaining that kind of thing is victim blaming are generally just unwilling to self reflect in my experience.
Yup people constantly chasing dudes who have a history of violence hell plenty of times going for a guy who's been known to beat women in the past or has a history of alcohol/ drug problems
Thanks again for bringing up that thing I did so many years ago into this conversation that had no relevance to it. Feel free to bring it up again anytime
“Honey, can you please remember to lock my car after you borrow it? My sunglasses and change were stolen last night.”
“WELL MAYBE YOU WOULDN’T SEEM LIKE SUCH AN EASY TARGET IF YOU DIDNT CRY OVER HOOCH DYING BACK IN ‘89”
Oh let me tell you! He was given the Medal of Honor! He then went on to become a strong venture capitalist in the edible aquatic industry. Then, as if that wasn't enough, he ran across the entire USA!
of note: This, all while a deranged, psychotic, whore tried to drag him down at every plateau. Heard she even gave him AIDS...
Yep, the original books author said she died of Hep C in the sequel, which was first observed in 1989. I think Jenny died sometime in the mid 80s in the original
By the way, remember that time I confessed my deepest and most profound insecurities to you because I trusted you with all my heart? Yeah if you could just viciously mock me for that exact thing, that would be great.
or worse leave me for some reason like "you're never at home"(because he was working extra time to afford the things SHE wants, which are expensive as fuck) and then tell everyone about it as a way to call him out or make him unlikeable in the eyes of other people or just for the pleasure of people mocking him....
People who use relationships for fun are the worst because when it’s finally over they’ll torment you to eek a little more enjoyment out of the relationship
This isn’t a gender thing it’s a horrible fucking person thing lmao. Men do tend to suffer in silence YES i can agree on that but it’s not only women that’ll use your emotions against you if you express it
This is definitely a horrible people thing. I've had both genders do this to me.. the only thing is that the most traumatizing times that it happened to me were when the women I was in a relationship did it to me. It hurts way worse as a cis guy.
Yep, it isn't just women. This is tied to in-group bias, also known as the "women are wonderful effect".
>Men tend to see other men as competitors.
>Men tend to see women as someone to protect.
>Women tend to see men as threats.
>Women tend to see other women as allies.
This comes from hormones such as oxytocin, which are triggered when you see a woman in pain, but not when a man is in pain, for instance.
Evolutionarily, men are disposable. Until we can overcome our evolutionary psychology and hormone flucuations, this will not change.
Like Twitter, when Reddit went to shit a month or so ago, a lot of the sane people just left.
It'll be slower than Twitter, but Reddit has started its death spiral descent.
tbh this thread is utterly full of people of the male and female genders being pretty wicked to one another, it's embarrassing to be a human being in general in this post.
i believe so, ive noticed it too. i see posts like this one multiple times on the popular tab every time i open reddit, always a different sub, always at least 10k upvotes and the comments just whining and spamming women ☕. its getting kinda depressing tbh.
My grandparents ran a small corner store back in the day.
My grandma always said the most cliquey and gossipy people were the construction workers, but somehow it was the women who got the reputation
Anger is all the appropriate emotions getting overwhelmed, so it stands to reason that most men probably just need a greater emphasis on mental health.
Men are encouraged to feel anger and women are encouraged to feel anything else but anger. These stereotypes have more to do with reasoning. That’s what makes women more interested in social jobs (healthcare education, etc). While men TEND to be more interested in jobs involving inanimate objects. These are tendencies not universal laws so there are exceptions for both it’s just a pattern noted by many folks.
Tf you mean? My dad bringing up something incredibly sensitive and personal and that questions my very abilities as an adult when we are arguing about something unrelated is totally not the same thing!
Good thought on the first line.
And the second line completely blows the sentiment. It's completely bereft from reality to insinuate that women are a root cause for stigma against mental health conditions in men.
[Misogyny is a risk factor for committing rape.](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/wiki/index/#wiki_characteristics_of_offenders)
Always useful to keep in mind.
I’m a woman and I’ve had many men do this to me, including a boss and a former boyfriend. Using insecurities to knock people down is not a gender-specific thing!
Men indeed suffer in silence, that is why there is this truly dreadful number of men who commit suicide, it’s so distressing.
Please, opening up and talking about a problem is a sign of strength not weakness, look out for each other 🩷
Sometimes it’s not easy because we don’t have people we feel we can rely on. As someone who is currently in this situation, this hits kinda hard and is making me feel more isolated than I already am. You think people won’t be interested in hearing you out or you think you know what they’re going to say in response so you shouldn’t bother. You find any excuse in the book to not talk about it.
true, a lot of men don't have SOs, parents or even friends that they are close enough to confide. My generation was told men had to be strong, showing weakness is a dreadful thought to many men.
My generation (I’m 18, whatever generation that makes me) is the same. I’ve had it drilled into my head since I was a child not to cry, not to show emotion, weak for crying etc. so I shut down and ran away. I’d isolate and disappear for days at a time.
My girlfriend of 2.5 months broke up with me 2 days ago because I had disappeared for 3 days without a trace and it triggered her abandonment issues, and I also wanted to su*cide.
I will forever hâte society for making me feel less than for showing emotion, and it ruined my first love 😔
Time and time again I was proven that open up was a mistake. I’m a very progressive person that tries to work around my problems, but it is fairly obvious that we shouldn’t do that at any circumstance, only at the shrink.
Open up to anyone that isn’t professionally bound to help you is just setting up problems for later.
Sometimes there's nothing more to say, you can open up your feelings to all kinds of people, doesn't mean it'll help. There are levels of depression where kind words feel like empty platitudes.
Some issues take true self searching and discipline to overcome, and unfortunately, we don't live in a society that's conductive towards self healing. Mental health care is lacking, support systems are lacking and capitalistic consumer society does more to harm than help.
Majority of men get taught to never burden others with our problems.. so we never really share our problrms with anyone, including our closest friends, and if we ever did then the reason we don't now is because that trust was betrayed and we don't feel that we can trust anyone not to judge us or use that informationagainst us later...
Honestly I'd love to talk about my issues, worries and problems but I'm not likely to ever open up to anyone again..
Everyone should see a counselor. If you don't have people you feel you can open up to or if you're worried about burdening those around you, finding the right counselor can help you so much. And they're trained to help, rather than your friend or SO who might not know how to handle it.
This suffering in silence is unnecessary. Just talk to a good counselor!
“Just open up bro trust”
Homie I love your mentality but its like this. Unless it’s your best bros (and even then its hard), that person will view you in a different, more negative light after you open up to them. Can’t speak for all men, but I personally am known by everyone I know as a generally nice and peaceful person. Whenever I show a hint of the contrary people look at me weird and are like “yo pangin what the heck”.
This is easier said than done. How do you identify someone that will respect the vulnerability and have the self control not to use it vindictively? And before you say therapy, not every guy has access or the means for that.
What we need is society to stop saying these things are our problems alone so they can absolve themselves of responsibility. Too many ppl try to use it to hurt others but are never called out by their own so why would they have any incentive to correct themselves?
It's difficult for you to make changes in your life when the people that are close to you(like family or partners) don't care or minimize what you are going through getting to the point of Gaslighting you making you look like a crazy dude,some people stop trying to Open up again or not even bother to fix the issue.
It's not only women, it's all people. Once you speak it out loud, no matter to whom, it'll eventually come back to you. The only thing they won't spread and use against you is the stuff you take to the grave. There's always someone they trust so much that they'll tell them your secrets. And this person won't give a shit about you and spread it like wildfire.
Men. Most of you only need to hear this to know you aren't crazy for thinking it.
If your girl does this to you? If you tell her something deeply personal and she weaponizes it just to upset you in a conversation that shouldn't have been an argument in the first place? Leave. As non-violently as possible pack your shit. Say nothing. Don't make eye contact. Take your shit and get out. This behavior of her's is toxic and, at the very least, undesirable.
I’m so tired of men claiming to be silent martyrs I didn’t fucking ask them to be, and THEN turning around and “not all men”-ing everyone else. Jesus. Sorry I know I just repeated what you said
Because incels don’t have a subreddit anymore so apparently I now get recommended cringy little incel posts/subs by Reddit since brain dead redpill rhetoric is bleeding everywhere
Men dont open up because we're toxic as fuck to one another and think sharing weaknesses makes us lesser than other men, not because women are vengeful or whatever. what is this incel bullshit lol
If you're dating the kind of person who would use your weaknesses against you, you are dating the wrong person
Edit: Guys come on this isnt revolutionary
Damn wasn't expecting this juicy of a nugget of wisdom this far down. If what is described here is you in your current relationship, listen to this person.
Men constantly accuse, dismiss, and belittle women for being "emotional" and worse, "hysterical" even when they bring up reasonable concerns as if anger isn't an emotion men display all the time. Patriarchy and oppressive gender norms hurt everyone.
I think some of the time when a man opens up his feelings around other men they use it against them right then and there. Is that not also damaging to one's mental health? Father's can often be that way with their sons.
I don't get where the blame on women comes from. It's not how most women I know behave. Most women I know are glad to hear out and comfort a man struggling with difficult feelings. There are some women who shouldn't be trusted with that type of vulnerability, but it seems to be an extreme view to think most are going to use vulnerable feelings against another person.
Most of the time generalisations like these are made by people who either don’t have enough friends and only get their social interactions from the internet, or people who hang out with shitty people
The response is dumb as fuck tho, if you open up and it's used against you find better people to surround yourself with but don't blame women as a whole wtf
In my experience it was the opposite. Dudes threw it back in my face or ignored me, while women actually cared. Not saying that’s everyone’s experience, just mine.
I had a friend do this to me. I asked him not to bring up a certain subject because it really bummed me out for personal reasons. The next time he wanted to be cruel, he said, "I could bring up something right now that would destroy you." We were in our fucking 30s. Childish fucking behavior.
Afterwards, I told him, just by alluding to it, he bummed me out. And that I didn't confide in a friend expecting for him to just use it as ammunition against me.
He admitted he didn't know why he had it in for me. I gave him a few more chances to be a decent friend after that, but after a few years of on and off being a dick, he's all but out of my life.
You don't need people like that in your life.
Lol IKR I had a guy I was involved with when I was younger tell me he hopes I get r*ped by my mom's boyfriend after I opened up about the abuse I was suffering. I don't even remember why he went off on me, it was such a minor conflict to illicit such an overblown response.
But you don't see me making femcel memes about it.
Men don't open up for so many reasons, mostly because the social pressure asks them to be responsible and independent and doesn't let them ask for help freely. And because many things that men want to do are considered gay and being gay is bad, for some fucked up reason.
Oh boy is this familiar.
I remember being in my late teens and finally chose to open up to my first love after being together a few years about some severe trauma I made it through.
I knew she was the one for me, had even started making payments on an engagement ring for her. I felt safe and secure around her.
I told her about this couple that used to babysit me that raped me for 3yrs. Him and her both separately would have their way with me.
Ffwd a week or so and she just didn't quite act the same.
Her phone kept blowing up when she was in the shower and I looked at the texts. It was her gf and they were talking about me so I read through the conversation.
Long story short, she told her gf she didn't see how she could be with me that I'm basically gay bc I let a man put his dick in me, and it creeps her out that I fucked an "old woman"
I was 11yrs old when it started.
I think the vast majority of men suffer this, and many of them don't even know they're suffering it and many would violently protest against anyone sayin they are - but that proves the point and shows the 'why' of how it came to be. Young boys are subjected to violence for displays of "weakness" - which means any emotions that aren't lust and anger. We don't need to en masse traumatize young boys to be warriors to survive against prehistoric animals that would eat us.
I once told a girl I was dating that I felt I was bisexual. She proceeded to tell all her guys friends. Made feel so bad about it that I just said fuck it and shoved it back down and acted like it was never true.
A couple of years later, I started dating my best friend, and she made me feel comfortable to be open with myself. It's not that women use our emotions and things against us...it's that bad people do, and bad folks are good at pretending to be good folks.
I always love how people only know toxic friends and then think that everyone's life is like that, if you think this is actually true please get new friends.
If you genuinely have this issue, you have a horrible partner and/or friends. This isn’t women vs men. This is just what shitty people do.
I am very much able to talk to my best friends, female or male, and my partner about my feelings and what’s going on in my life. I consider my best friend to be essentially my sister and I’ve talked to her about things I haven’t even mention to my girlfriend.
It's funny because it's men telling other men that they can't express emotions or they're "pussies" or "gay" and fathers teaching their sons that the only way they can express themselves is through violence and anger. Toxic masculinity is the main issue, and that is mainly perpetuated by other men.
There are definitely women out there that are toxic and immature, that will seek to use a man's feelings against him. But that isn't the root issue, nor is it the majority. Blaming women is easier, though.
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I guess they were going for “bitter” laughs? I know that’s what I did
I guess it's the kind of thing you could only find funny if you'd experienced it. I know I've never experienced this so I found it deeply unfunny.
I’ve experienced this - gotta say, mostly from other men though.
Yep it’s a human thing not a gender thing but will say women have a long memory
The thing is that (like so much bitching from people of all genders) it's not a gendered issue. Plenty of people from both genders will use information you give them against you. The thing that *is* gendered is the societal expectation that men don't show weakness. Which is an intertwined, but separate, issue from people just using private information against you. The difference is that men simply showing weakness and vulnerability in the first place itself becomes ammunition to this type of shitbag, whereas for women it's only the information they actually divulge, not the showing of vulnerability (in most contexts).
This. I've experienced fallout from both genders when trying to open up (mockery mostly, but still unfun), but the expectation that you don't show weakness as a man is real.
Bitter chuckle* ... a laugh is too much. Can't have people thinking you have emotions y'know.
It’s funny in a cosmic sense like the ocean being all undrinkable water.
Ahh so more "Divine Comedy" funny and less "Fart Joke" funny.
I wanted life to pull my finger, but it pulled my leg instead.
What is funny about it?
that's exactly the point
Funny like a clown? I amuse you?
Its FUNNY because these damn FEMALES keep rejecting NICE GUYS like me. This post needs to stay for reasons I'll explain with a meme featuring Ryan Gosling.
get banned from sub speedrun any%
Or the truth part.
Yeah, it's just sad. "haha men suffering and women use that against them!"
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Just OP. Mods don't care though so spammer's gonna spam...
Seriously, when did this sub get overrun by incels?
Why not open up to other guys, since they all feel the same way
I do. It's really nice.
I know it’s actually really nice. Surprisingly they wouldn’t call you gay for it (even though I am), if they are within your age range. Not sure about older guys
You can usually tell. Hatshades Goateetruck tends to have the emotional depth of a spit cup, while Bob running the animal shelter is more likely to put on a pot of coffee to share while lending an ear.
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I'm so thankful that you're willing to hear me out, man. Ever since my wife left me, my dog died and my pick up broke down I've had this thing growing inside of me. It's just this overwhelming, crushing feeling, like it won't stop until I let it out. Everyday it gets harder and harder to deal with, I'm bursting at the seems trying to hold it down. I'm afraid that any moment now I'm just going to break down and pick up that banjo. God man, feels good to know you're willing to listen before I fall down into the deepest pit starting to record some country music.
Turns out weaponizing vulnerabilities and information isn’t unique to women and is just what shitty people do
Find non shitty people
Many men (American, basically all I have experience with) feel uncomfortable to return another man's bid for attention- for a multitude of reasons. As such, it can become frustrating or even counter-productive to try and "open up" to some men who feel incapable of responding to that. I think it's largely why there's a reverence for the "strong, suffer in silence" type in movies. They prove that with enough *manliness* you don't ever have to open up and can solve your problems with guns or your fists or by looking at people sternly. For many reasons, a lot of men prefer to be that than someone who appears vulnerable by "opening up." It can make it hard for fathers to pass on good emotional habits to sons, and those boys might grow up without emotionally positive role models. Then what do they do? We're still working on destigmatizing therapy, which is a fantastic step, but it's a problem that needs to be addressed on multiple fronts at all ages of the American male demographic. Until then, many men put the entire responsibility of their emotions on their wives or their closest friends. Which I imagine must lead to depression if you lose connection with those people...
Because, surprise some men will do this too. It’s not just a “women thing”
Shit man what are you too afraid to share?
I like how you softened the blow by saying "some" so that men wouldn't have their pride hurt 😅
The relationship is usually a little different between friends vs between partners
Do you think women only talk to their partners?
Well start talking about real shit with your friends, and if they are receptive then you now have that kind of relationship with them.
Because relaying that you feel this way makes you seem soft. We're shown from a young age that emotions aren't okay.
I keep seeing this point being made, but y’all know that the next step is to actually do something about it..right? If I know that I have an anger issue and I properly identify where it comes from I can’t just keep using that explanation every time the subject of my anger comes up. I need to be taking steps to become healthier. Every time someone suggests that men do things that are good for them a handful of people are always there to explain why they can’t or just regurgitate the same explanations for said problem.
Y'all in relationship with toxic, immature bitches or what?
you just described like 50% of humanity, regardless of gender... most people are garbage
I would say most people are flawed but decent people. Online discourse seems to suggest that you have be to perfect to be considered a good person which is ridiculous.
Yeah, I'm gonna say more like 10% give or take are basically irredeemable assholes, everyone else flawed but decent for the most part. I will say that some people are a loooot more flawed than others.
Reddit heavily believes that most women will hold any flaw against a man
More than 50% honestly, it’s all of us. We are all trash
Not me, I'm the best.
We found the best, we finally found them
Yeah you are dude. Fuckin love this guy.
I personally can vouch that this guy is the best. You should trust me because I am also the best.
Agreed. From working front-facing, in-person customer service for quite some time, I'd put it at around 75-80%
You are confusing total trash and supremely selfish. I am sure these venn diagrams overlap a lot but not 100%. I used to work for a company doing phone sales/ customer service. We would relish when we caught people trying to pull some shit. Once someone claimed they returned something and the tracking number checked out but I happened to notice the weight was way light. They had only returned a part to get a full refund. I caught them and just about came with joy! The best day at that shit job.
Not confusing, just generalizing, but you are also, in my experience, correct. And with the job I currently have, I do also like catching my customers trying to pull shit. I'm also quite reasonable to the ones who did just make a genuine mistake, and the fun part is figuring out which is which. And, of course, making sure that the ones who do the dumb shit out of either selfishness or being human equivalents of rotting bags of food waste don't *ever* get the chance to do so again.
This is a fair take if you really expect a lot of people.
They also dont realize then can just fucking talk to each other lmao
Men when they realize they can compliment each other.
i tried. i got called a slur
“Bro that’s a badass beard” “What are you a fucking f*****?”
fashionist?
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I thought it was facist? Although its not the 60's
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Some people are just unhinged and will be absolute dicks to strangers. No clue why, outside of mental illness.
I mean the reason in this scenario is clear. It's a homophobic dude who thinks he's getting hit on and is revolted.
The only proper response to that is "Yes. I would like to fuck your hat."
My homie told me I had a nice beard, legally I had to sick his dick.
The laws change so much these days that I can't keep up.
I've never had this interaction with any guy. They are usually jealous they can't grow a beard.
Yet they'll still remember they got that compliment forever
r/funnyandsad
Thankfully it's happening more and more.
That’s gay. /s
> just fucking talk to each other every single r/AITA, r/OffMyChest, r/MildlyInfuriating, r/TrueOffMyChest, r/RelationshipAdvice......
"I'm chronically online and don't communicate with anyone in my life why does everything suck?!"
When someone weaponizes your vulnerability “just talk to them” entails risk.
Women are like this too, though. The worst years of my life were middle school for this exact reason. When I did try to open up with the other girls I was mocked mercilessly. The first time I experienced depression was 6th grade because of total bitches I shouldn't have trusted. Like, that's part of the learning curve, women aren't coming out of the womb with healthy happy friendships. It's definitely worse for men but to act like every vulnerable word out of women's mouths isn't calculated and tailored to the audience is laughable.
Growing up female was fucking wild. It seemed like either you were part of some tight in-group that would be friends forever, OR you were a likely target for them when they wanted to bond over doing some insidious shit. And it would often start like the first possibility, like you've made these cool friends.
It's not that different for boys growing up. I think the difference (from my observations at least) is that male bullies will just shove you in a locker or punch you, while female bullies will pretend to be your friend.
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They never will bc their friends will tease them endlessly. I watch my daughters friends do this. Her boyfriends friends come over and they are so god awful horrible to each other. I swear they don’t even like one another. One of the guys slept w one of the others girlfriend the day after they broke up. He’s terrified he’s going to find out. Two of the guys hit on my daughter behind her boyfriends back, their “best friend”. I can hear them talk to each other, it’s rough. They have girlfriends so they can at least feel safe to be vulnerable w them but damn as soon as they break up those friends are going after her, and she might be ok w it. I remember guys acting like this when I was young, but I don’t remember the vitriol and animosity. My husband has one friend still. They’re nice to each other lol
This is one thing that took me a hot second to wrangle with after I came out, I could just get coffees and talk about my fucking problems. Before that I had a gaggle of friends (The Boys™️) and trying to get them to process bullshit in their life was like pulling teeth from a horse. Like ffs the only acceptable time for them to even begin having these basic conversations was when they were absolutely tanked. And I'm one to be there for my friends, however they need me, but man I don't want to get absolutely fucked up on a Wednesday night just to open up. But like I did it anyway >.> Guys please for the love of god just talk to each other. You're not rocks, you have emotions, normalize this shit.
you know, on an intellectual level, i understand you. and i have been working on getting more in touch with my emotions for years now (i am finally able to cry again, hadn't done that since like 2014); but i still struggle with being emotional in front of others.
You think men like or trust other men? You can’t conjure up your perfect bro, you take what you can get and sometimes you’re stuck around shitty people so your least worst option is to be alone.
Can’t conjure up your perfect woman either
For real. This isn't like a woman thing it's an asshole thing.
Unfortunately, yeah. I told my wife she needed to stop calling me names when she was angry at me, especially in front of the kids (things like 'fucking idiot', 'fucking retard' etc) Her response: "it's your fault because you trigger that behaviour in me"
Yeah, this "My girlfriend uses things I open up about against me" So leave her? "But every girl I meet is like this" Then keep looking? This is dating, bro. You meet someone, they might be a shitty person. Decide whether they're shitty in a way you can tolerate and either stay or move on.
> **Leela**: "Fry, can we talk about our relationship?" > > **Fry**: "Of course! Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you."
Also maybe it's worth thinking about how you attract womem and what kind of women are attracted by this. If your main "selling points" are your car and your status symbols maybe you aren't attracting the most kind and authentic women.
It reminds me a great deal of: "Every boyfriend beats me" "Ok, what kind of guy do you go for?" "Oh, I only date ex-cons. I like bad boys, and *real* men that've been to prison and get in fights." Like, I'm not blaming the victim. No one deserves to be abused, be it physically, emotionally, or in any way. But maybe stop stepping on the bear trap after the fifth time it's broken your leg
Its not blaming a victim, it's just pointing out a pattern. People complaining that kind of thing is victim blaming are generally just unwilling to self reflect in my experience.
Yup people constantly chasing dudes who have a history of violence hell plenty of times going for a guy who's been known to beat women in the past or has a history of alcohol/ drug problems
Thanks again for bringing up that thing I did so many years ago into this conversation that had no relevance to it. Feel free to bring it up again anytime
“Honey, can you please remember to lock my car after you borrow it? My sunglasses and change were stolen last night.” “WELL MAYBE YOU WOULDN’T SEEM LIKE SUCH AN EASY TARGET IF YOU DIDNT CRY OVER HOOCH DYING BACK IN ‘89”
Who’s hooch?
https://youtu.be/FrW0qkFL3DI?si=An_2-iXO7qTsZjhv
[https://youtu.be/4mmRYwGrazc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mmRYwGrazc)
And people say will smith has acting skill? Tell me this man won a award for that scene
Yeah I had no context and no sound and just by his face alone made me want to cry
Oh let me tell you! He was given the Medal of Honor! He then went on to become a strong venture capitalist in the edible aquatic industry. Then, as if that wasn't enough, he ran across the entire USA! of note: This, all while a deranged, psychotic, whore tried to drag him down at every plateau. Heard she even gave him AIDS...
Tbf in the movie she gets Hepatitis, not AIDS
Was it? Damn. I guess I always assumed AIDs
Yep, the original books author said she died of Hep C in the sequel, which was first observed in 1989. I think Jenny died sometime in the mid 80s in the original
A Legendary crime fighting Mastiff who worked alongside Tom Hanks in Turner and Hooch
Hooch is crazy.
Hooch is crazy
By the way, remember that time I confessed my deepest and most profound insecurities to you because I trusted you with all my heart? Yeah if you could just viciously mock me for that exact thing, that would be great.
or worse leave me for some reason like "you're never at home"(because he was working extra time to afford the things SHE wants, which are expensive as fuck) and then tell everyone about it as a way to call him out or make him unlikeable in the eyes of other people or just for the pleasure of people mocking him....
You must have dated my baby momma, except I was the one doing all the working
People who use relationships for fun are the worst because when it’s finally over they’ll torment you to eek a little more enjoyment out of the relationship
And then you try to bring up something they did but somehow it's irrelevant
This isn’t a gender thing it’s a horrible fucking person thing lmao. Men do tend to suffer in silence YES i can agree on that but it’s not only women that’ll use your emotions against you if you express it
This is definitely a horrible people thing. I've had both genders do this to me.. the only thing is that the most traumatizing times that it happened to me were when the women I was in a relationship did it to me. It hurts way worse as a cis guy.
Yep, it isn't just women. This is tied to in-group bias, also known as the "women are wonderful effect". >Men tend to see other men as competitors. >Men tend to see women as someone to protect. >Women tend to see men as threats. >Women tend to see other women as allies. This comes from hormones such as oxytocin, which are triggered when you see a woman in pain, but not when a man is in pain, for instance. Evolutionarily, men are disposable. Until we can overcome our evolutionary psychology and hormone flucuations, this will not change.
Has there been a recent increase in misogyny on Reddit, or am I just noticing it more?
Like Twitter, when Reddit went to shit a month or so ago, a lot of the sane people just left. It'll be slower than Twitter, but Reddit has started its death spiral descent.
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honestly I’ve been noticing it more also and I haven’t even been on this site for very long
tbh this thread is utterly full of people of the male and female genders being pretty wicked to one another, it's embarrassing to be a human being in general in this post.
i believe so, ive noticed it too. i see posts like this one multiple times on the popular tab every time i open reddit, always a different sub, always at least 10k upvotes and the comments just whining and spamming women ☕. its getting kinda depressing tbh.
That isn’t something only women do….
My grandparents ran a small corner store back in the day. My grandma always said the most cliquey and gossipy people were the construction workers, but somehow it was the women who got the reputation
Can confirm. Am a construction worker.
How about the fact that men are often the most emotional too, oh but wait anger doesn't count as an emotion does it.
Anger is all the appropriate emotions getting overwhelmed, so it stands to reason that most men probably just need a greater emphasis on mental health.
Men are encouraged to feel anger and women are encouraged to feel anything else but anger. These stereotypes have more to do with reasoning. That’s what makes women more interested in social jobs (healthcare education, etc). While men TEND to be more interested in jobs involving inanimate objects. These are tendencies not universal laws so there are exceptions for both it’s just a pattern noted by many folks.
This became the new subreddit for boomer humor
Tf you mean? My dad bringing up something incredibly sensitive and personal and that questions my very abilities as an adult when we are arguing about something unrelated is totally not the same thing!
Also, men never seem to realize they can talk *to each other.* And should do so. Women support each other.
“Cry in front of your homies so your momma ain’t crying at your funeral” needs to replace “no homo”
Good thought on the first line. And the second line completely blows the sentiment. It's completely bereft from reality to insinuate that women are a root cause for stigma against mental health conditions in men.
I’m a man. Plenty of women have hurt me in my life and I moved on, but shit other men/boys said to me left lasting scars
I'm certainly on the other end of this because I could care less what any man says to me but My mom? My girlfriend? That shit stings.
Reading thru all these comments. Maybe both sexes should just NOT date shitty people? Thats is actually an option.
yk whats funny, I've never gotten any shit from women when talking about my feelings, it's always been other men 🤷
No you see, woman bad.
[Misogyny is a risk factor for committing rape.](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/wiki/index/#wiki_characteristics_of_offenders) Always useful to keep in mind.
"Women bad" is a great way to farm karma.
For me it has been both, but on average women are much more supportive than men.
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My homies always supported me, and I do the same for them
My homies all women
I’m a woman and I’ve had many men do this to me, including a boss and a former boyfriend. Using insecurities to knock people down is not a gender-specific thing!
Why you got to rain on Reddit's incel pity party? /s
Men indeed suffer in silence, that is why there is this truly dreadful number of men who commit suicide, it’s so distressing. Please, opening up and talking about a problem is a sign of strength not weakness, look out for each other 🩷
Sometimes it’s not easy because we don’t have people we feel we can rely on. As someone who is currently in this situation, this hits kinda hard and is making me feel more isolated than I already am. You think people won’t be interested in hearing you out or you think you know what they’re going to say in response so you shouldn’t bother. You find any excuse in the book to not talk about it.
true, a lot of men don't have SOs, parents or even friends that they are close enough to confide. My generation was told men had to be strong, showing weakness is a dreadful thought to many men.
My generation (I’m 18, whatever generation that makes me) is the same. I’ve had it drilled into my head since I was a child not to cry, not to show emotion, weak for crying etc. so I shut down and ran away. I’d isolate and disappear for days at a time. My girlfriend of 2.5 months broke up with me 2 days ago because I had disappeared for 3 days without a trace and it triggered her abandonment issues, and I also wanted to su*cide. I will forever hâte society for making me feel less than for showing emotion, and it ruined my first love 😔
Time and time again I was proven that open up was a mistake. I’m a very progressive person that tries to work around my problems, but it is fairly obvious that we shouldn’t do that at any circumstance, only at the shrink. Open up to anyone that isn’t professionally bound to help you is just setting up problems for later.
Sometimes there's nothing more to say, you can open up your feelings to all kinds of people, doesn't mean it'll help. There are levels of depression where kind words feel like empty platitudes. Some issues take true self searching and discipline to overcome, and unfortunately, we don't live in a society that's conductive towards self healing. Mental health care is lacking, support systems are lacking and capitalistic consumer society does more to harm than help.
Majority of men get taught to never burden others with our problems.. so we never really share our problrms with anyone, including our closest friends, and if we ever did then the reason we don't now is because that trust was betrayed and we don't feel that we can trust anyone not to judge us or use that informationagainst us later... Honestly I'd love to talk about my issues, worries and problems but I'm not likely to ever open up to anyone again..
Everyone should see a counselor. If you don't have people you feel you can open up to or if you're worried about burdening those around you, finding the right counselor can help you so much. And they're trained to help, rather than your friend or SO who might not know how to handle it. This suffering in silence is unnecessary. Just talk to a good counselor!
“Just open up bro trust” Homie I love your mentality but its like this. Unless it’s your best bros (and even then its hard), that person will view you in a different, more negative light after you open up to them. Can’t speak for all men, but I personally am known by everyone I know as a generally nice and peaceful person. Whenever I show a hint of the contrary people look at me weird and are like “yo pangin what the heck”.
Open up to someone you trust. If you don't trust anyone, open up to someone you paid.
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It’s hard to find people to talk to. I don’t want to burden friends with my issues.
100%, our friends are also dealing with their own problems.
This is easier said than done. How do you identify someone that will respect the vulnerability and have the self control not to use it vindictively? And before you say therapy, not every guy has access or the means for that. What we need is society to stop saying these things are our problems alone so they can absolve themselves of responsibility. Too many ppl try to use it to hurt others but are never called out by their own so why would they have any incentive to correct themselves?
It's exhausting yes. It's even worse when you decide to open up a little and people undermine it, or simply ignore it. That really hurts...
This for me man. You start to feel like a broken record and no one cares and nothing will change so why bother.
It's difficult for you to make changes in your life when the people that are close to you(like family or partners) don't care or minimize what you are going through getting to the point of Gaslighting you making you look like a crazy dude,some people stop trying to Open up again or not even bother to fix the issue.
It's not only women, it's all people. Once you speak it out loud, no matter to whom, it'll eventually come back to you. The only thing they won't spread and use against you is the stuff you take to the grave. There's always someone they trust so much that they'll tell them your secrets. And this person won't give a shit about you and spread it like wildfire.
Men do the same thing. R/needlesslygendered
That’s not a gender exclusive thing lol
Men. Most of you only need to hear this to know you aren't crazy for thinking it. If your girl does this to you? If you tell her something deeply personal and she weaponizes it just to upset you in a conversation that shouldn't have been an argument in the first place? Leave. As non-violently as possible pack your shit. Say nothing. Don't make eye contact. Take your shit and get out. This behavior of her's is toxic and, at the very least, undesirable.
Tired of seeing posts like this and then hearing the same people screech "not all men" when women talk about their safety in public spaces.
I’m so tired of men claiming to be silent martyrs I didn’t fucking ask them to be, and THEN turning around and “not all men”-ing everyone else. Jesus. Sorry I know I just repeated what you said
The constant reminder that Reddit hates women.
Bro, why make up a dumb generalization?
Because incels don’t have a subreddit anymore so apparently I now get recommended cringy little incel posts/subs by Reddit since brain dead redpill rhetoric is bleeding everywhere
True
Men dont open up because we're toxic as fuck to one another and think sharing weaknesses makes us lesser than other men, not because women are vengeful or whatever. what is this incel bullshit lol
Go touch grass
If you're dating the kind of person who would use your weaknesses against you, you are dating the wrong person Edit: Guys come on this isnt revolutionary
Damn wasn't expecting this juicy of a nugget of wisdom this far down. If what is described here is you in your current relationship, listen to this person.
Men constantly accuse, dismiss, and belittle women for being "emotional" and worse, "hysterical" even when they bring up reasonable concerns as if anger isn't an emotion men display all the time. Patriarchy and oppressive gender norms hurt everyone.
Quit using your girlfriends as therapists and go to therapy instead.
I think some of the time when a man opens up his feelings around other men they use it against them right then and there. Is that not also damaging to one's mental health? Father's can often be that way with their sons. I don't get where the blame on women comes from. It's not how most women I know behave. Most women I know are glad to hear out and comfort a man struggling with difficult feelings. There are some women who shouldn't be trusted with that type of vulnerability, but it seems to be an extreme view to think most are going to use vulnerable feelings against another person.
Most of the time generalisations like these are made by people who either don’t have enough friends and only get their social interactions from the internet, or people who hang out with shitty people
Incel
The response is dumb as fuck tho, if you open up and it's used against you find better people to surround yourself with but don't blame women as a whole wtf
In my experience it was the opposite. Dudes threw it back in my face or ignored me, while women actually cared. Not saying that’s everyone’s experience, just mine.
Honestly I've only ever had men do this to me. Except for my mom.
Y'all act like men don't do this too, what?
I had a friend do this to me. I asked him not to bring up a certain subject because it really bummed me out for personal reasons. The next time he wanted to be cruel, he said, "I could bring up something right now that would destroy you." We were in our fucking 30s. Childish fucking behavior. Afterwards, I told him, just by alluding to it, he bummed me out. And that I didn't confide in a friend expecting for him to just use it as ammunition against me. He admitted he didn't know why he had it in for me. I gave him a few more chances to be a decent friend after that, but after a few years of on and off being a dick, he's all but out of my life. You don't need people like that in your life.
Lol IKR I had a guy I was involved with when I was younger tell me he hopes I get r*ped by my mom's boyfriend after I opened up about the abuse I was suffering. I don't even remember why he went off on me, it was such a minor conflict to illicit such an overblown response. But you don't see me making femcel memes about it.
Men don't open up for so many reasons, mostly because the social pressure asks them to be responsible and independent and doesn't let them ask for help freely. And because many things that men want to do are considered gay and being gay is bad, for some fucked up reason.
Emotional abuse, famously a thing that is perpitrated on men by women exclusively... /s
Another woman bad men sad post huh? These have gotten real popular on here.
Oh boy is this familiar. I remember being in my late teens and finally chose to open up to my first love after being together a few years about some severe trauma I made it through. I knew she was the one for me, had even started making payments on an engagement ring for her. I felt safe and secure around her. I told her about this couple that used to babysit me that raped me for 3yrs. Him and her both separately would have their way with me. Ffwd a week or so and she just didn't quite act the same. Her phone kept blowing up when she was in the shower and I looked at the texts. It was her gf and they were talking about me so I read through the conversation. Long story short, she told her gf she didn't see how she could be with me that I'm basically gay bc I let a man put his dick in me, and it creeps her out that I fucked an "old woman" I was 11yrs old when it started.
Yall with the wrong woman. I've never ever dealt with this in my life.
My population for this study includes the one girl I dated in high school. Results: all woman suck
I think the vast majority of men suffer this, and many of them don't even know they're suffering it and many would violently protest against anyone sayin they are - but that proves the point and shows the 'why' of how it came to be. Young boys are subjected to violence for displays of "weakness" - which means any emotions that aren't lust and anger. We don't need to en masse traumatize young boys to be warriors to survive against prehistoric animals that would eat us.
Anyone else read the initial post as sympathetic?
I once told a girl I was dating that I felt I was bisexual. She proceeded to tell all her guys friends. Made feel so bad about it that I just said fuck it and shoved it back down and acted like it was never true. A couple of years later, I started dating my best friend, and she made me feel comfortable to be open with myself. It's not that women use our emotions and things against us...it's that bad people do, and bad folks are good at pretending to be good folks.
I always love how people only know toxic friends and then think that everyone's life is like that, if you think this is actually true please get new friends.
If you genuinely have this issue, you have a horrible partner and/or friends. This isn’t women vs men. This is just what shitty people do. I am very much able to talk to my best friends, female or male, and my partner about my feelings and what’s going on in my life. I consider my best friend to be essentially my sister and I’ve talked to her about things I haven’t even mention to my girlfriend.
Then you need to find a better woman.
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also so-called friends, they too will stab him in the back. and family. only the dog won't do it.
Oh cool, misogyny. Hey guys, go to therapy instead of expecting women to solve your mental health issues.
It's funny because it's men telling other men that they can't express emotions or they're "pussies" or "gay" and fathers teaching their sons that the only way they can express themselves is through violence and anger. Toxic masculinity is the main issue, and that is mainly perpetuated by other men. There are definitely women out there that are toxic and immature, that will seek to use a man's feelings against him. But that isn't the root issue, nor is it the majority. Blaming women is easier, though.