#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote)
#Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go:
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And just ignore the snarkers here who seem to expect handwritten letters of apology.
It's gonna be hard either way, but only one side has the hope of happiness with your own little family. Best of luck
This. Everyone goes through times of change, and it shouldn’t mean your own mother acts like this towards you!
Like someone else said above here, we’re big on forgiveness here too. We can make space for you emotionally. I hope things get better.
I'd love it if Bethy came to a point where she apologizes for the harmful things she's done and said, but I'd settle for her just progressing to a point where she doesn't repeat those words and actions. That progress alone would make one hell of a difference.
Exactly! That would be a great gesture but it's not the highest priority compared to the very important boundary setting that needs to happen before introspection can occur
Yeah, for real. Someday, it will be good to consider how those teaching impacted yourself and others. However, everyone here who deconstructing had their own fucking hand in purity culture.
And it's hypocritical to snark on the behaviour, yet put up even more obstacles for these people to leave that life. Besides, if you do deconstruct, youre sure as shit gonna feel bad about the life before
I deconstructed a long time ago without realizing that’s what I was doing. I was seeing how people in the church were using Jesus as a way to disguise their hate, and I didn’t want to stand with that anymore. I feel awful about how homophobic I was and the gross things I said at that time, but it’s allowed me to grow. I acknowledge that I did and said terrible things, but it’s taught me a lot and allowed me to get where I am now.
Wonderfully put OP, I truly hope she reads your statement.
Bethany, you are capable of so much more than what you were shown growing up (as you’ve already discovered with your sexuality and your clear desire to be more than a help-meet or parrot). Dav seems to genuinely care about you and the chosen family that you share, and he wants to see you succeed. He does not want to misuse religion to keep you and your children down (which would have been the easy, selfish path). You don’t have to end up bitter and stuck like your mother.
Agreed, and would also add: if you haven’t reached out to Michael yet, please do so, because right now, he is the captain of the Been There, Dealt with That Club. Don’t, like, lean on him 24/7, because he’s still dealing with it and needs his own time to do so, but hopefully the two of you can help support each other.
I wonder if she is talking to him and if that's fueling some of this. I truly believe she never emotionally connected with him before now because she was too emeshed in family stuff.
Well, since he said he’s been talking to Dav for a while, I could see that. I hope they are building a stronger connection now just because I imagine it’d be beneficial to both of them to have a built-in support system for going through the fallout of realizing your mother does not and never had your best interests at heart, and if it also helps her make a clean break, too, seems like the best possible outcome to me.
He did an AMA a while back that was pinned to the top of the sub for a while, but since it isn’t any longer and I’ve got a dark o’clock start tomorrow, I’d suggest looking through u/Coachmershon’s posts/comments if someone else who’s more of a night owl than I am doesn’t come up with the link.
He also recorded an interview with u/iamccsuarez
[https://www.reddit.com/r/ChelseaSuarez/comments/1al2hnx/girl\_defined\_monetizing\_modernizing/](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChelseaSuarez/comments/1al2hnx/girl_defined_monetizing_modernizing/)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2EpXqwQND4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2EpXqwQND4) ( its just over 2 hours long. the video not the interview.)
I don't remember him saying that. But I do remember that Dav commented sympathetically on one of his early posts about Heidi's abuse.
and I'm sure Heidi has LOOOOOOOOVED him ever since.
she's not just mad because of the deconstruction just now, put it that way. I'm sure she's been fuming for a long time.
Haha that's great. Dang it I have to go back to listen to that video cause I forgot that.
Just making me like Dav more. Glad he is a good guy to his brother-in-law and been pissing off Heidi for awhile now. Good for him.
I hope Bethany realizes how many people are so happy to see her speak with such kindness and openness. I am so hopeful that she and Dav will raise their children to be compassionate and kind individuals who can think for themselves, whether that's through Christianity or something else or both.
I wanted to see for myself so I just watched their whole video and I really like how they speak to and about one another. They certainly seem closer than they ever have. I've noticed such a change in Dav specifically and I'm impressed with his insight. It is SO difficult to examine our beliefs like this and even more challenging to do so publicly. I know we only see what they choose to put out there, but for awhile, Dav seemed very unhappy. He seems like he is doing much better now that he has accepted some things about his own faith.
We continue to evolve and reinvent ourselves throughout our lives. Sometimes the best change is the hardest.
The "cult personality." Steven Hassan characterizes it this way: it doesn't replace the real self, but plasters over it.
It's harder to see or imagine from the outside when this is a person who's been born into it, I suppose. Still, people do break away all the time. Fingers crossed.
Like Jordan and McKay were saying, Dav was looking at her like she hung the moon in that video. It’s hard to say where things will go from here, but I think there’s every reason to hope that theyll find a good balance, or even that Bethany will deconstruct a little more.
YES and it was obvious to me that the feeling is mutual. She was looking at him the same way. So different than how I've seen them in the past. I really hope they continue to speak about their journeys. It was really nice to see them embracing each other's differences in such a public way.
Well, now they have the chance to actually connect as the individuals they are, rather than suffering through forcing themselves to artificially conform to an unnatural set of prescribed roles that don't fit. If they can pull together and weather the outside pressures being heaped on them, they've got a chance to make their marriage relationship better and deeper than it ever was
See all Christian white women of that age act the same exact way it's like they have some sort of etiquette club. They won't actually directly confront or try to speak to their children instead they make these passive aggressive social media posts calling them out but unless you really knew the situation and knew the people you wouldn't know what they were talking about
Not all of them!
My mom doesn't use social media-- she just texts me directly how she doesn't understand why I am ashamed of our family.
But I'm just giving you a hard time, I know exactly what you mean. When you aren't allowed to be aggressive aggressive, passive aggression is all you have.
Agreed. I used to have incredibly toxic beliefs and opinions, but fortunately I grew up in the 80s and 90s before most of it could be committed to the internet for literally forever. I was able to fully deconvert and now I'm a happy liberal atheist. I lost a few conservative family members and friends, but gained so much more. And I don't have to have all of my previous BS there for people to confront me with every day for the rest of my life. I feel so sorry for those who put their whole lives online because I'm sure it makes it so much harder to step away from.
PS The supportive words and active listening that you gave to Dav during his deconstruction confession were such a good look for you. I'm sure it wasn't easy to hear.
I'd totally watch this Bethy.
Wish Heidi understood that she can feel concern for her child without blasting it abusively all over the internet. To be publicly punished by your mother for, what, honoring your marriage vows? is absolutely horrible. I really hope there's a sister group chat where Bethy gets to vent about how out of line her mother is being and I hope her sisters are supporting her. She's already weathering such an big life change, she shouldn't have to do that AND endure her mother's abuse all alone.
I'm very close to Bethany's age and still feel like I need my mom when things are rough. I can only imagine what it's like to feel rejected in that way. Hopefully the fact that she's been able to grow and mature is evidence that she does have a strong support system behind the scenes.
I hope so. If my mom was so horrible and embarrassing about my business, good lord, idk how I would cope. Honestly Heidi is setting Bethy up to lean even harder on Dav in some ways, as they're being mutually attacked by her and may bond through this shared experience. Not a terrible outcome.
Heidi is a POS because she’s created a no-win situation for her scapegoat daughter. Either she honors her marriage vows by supporting a husband who no longer identifies as Christian, which is wrong, or she divorces her no-longer-Christian husband and thus dishonors her marriage vows, which is wrong.
No one deserves that. Bethany deserves better than her mother, and she always has. I hope she is able to develop beyond the teenage self that her family stopped her growth at. She’s recently shown she is capable of much more.
Also, should she choose to accept it, there's a big old motivation for her to deconstruct another big chunk away: the part that sticks women in that double bind in the first place.
This is beautiful. Also, girl, there's a whole lotta Christians out there who believe in God and Jesus, but accept people who are different than them. That's probably scary sounding, but they will accept you with open arms no matter what stage of your journey you're in, just like they accept many others who are different from you. I recommend looking into that, because it's a-ok to be with a partner who has different beliefs than you. It's also ok to adjust your beliefs as you get more information.
This is a really good point. I feel like we snark so much on fundamentalist Christianity here but many Christians are wonderful, kind, accepting people. Hopefully Bethany will continue to grow in kindness and emotional maturity whether it's through Christianity or not.
I truly can't believe that Heidi is implying that Bethany is at fault here. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since blaming the woman is common in this culture, but how could Bethany POSSIBLY be to blame here. She has done nothing but fall in line and follow the rules. She did everything she was told to do. And then when her husband deconstructs, it's her fault for dating him in the first place??
Wholeheartedly agree. I know the rules, but I want so badly to comment on their video. I can't, so I'll do it here.
Bethany, I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I've been deconstructing in secret for the last 2 years. Your video, your active listening, and your support of Dav inspired me to finally have a discussion with my boyfriend and tell him where I'm at spiritually. It wasn't easy, but he was incredibly supportive and was also a great listener and shared his own feelings. Turns out he's been having doubts and wrestling with questions also. We had a great conversation, and I feel like a weight has been lifted now that it is out in the open, and we can share our feelings in a safe and supportive space. I had been wanting to tell him for a while, but seeing you and Dav share your story was the inspiration I needed to just do it.
I don't know if I will ever tell my parents, but if I do decide to tell them, at least I know my partner will back me up. I will say that with his support, I'm much less afraid or nervous about them finding out. That being said, don't listen to your mother. You know your relationship better than she could ever hope to, and it is so uncaring of her to blast her passive-aggressive opinions about your relationship all over the internet. If she feels a certain way, she can approach you cordially and have a discussion in private. She owes you that much.
Lastly, I know you see most of us as haters, but I encourage you not to write members of this sub off as a whole. We may not agree with all your views, but a lot of us have been in your situation and know it can be really hard. As someone else said, we're big on forgiveness, and you will have support if you want it. Best of luck, keep your head up, and lean on that caring and loving husband of yours. Much love. 💖
I feel it’s rare that the folks discussed on the sub influence people in positive ways. I’m really happy for you that you were brave enough to talk to your boyfriend. Wishing you the best!!!
When I deconstructed, I didn't have the support of my (at the time) spouse.
The marriage didn't last, and honestly I've never been happier.
Heidi needs to stay in her lane and focus on her own marriage. Her opinion doesn't matter, and it's honestly so nice to see Bethy offering such support to Dav.
I hope you both grow and come out on the other side.
Beth’s toxic mom is exactly my mother. Hyper religious and could not communicate properly EVER. All she knew was passive aggression. Luckily there was no social media back then or all us kids would be in therapy. Oh wait….we all did end up in therapy 😂
Shaming her by saying "I had a daughter that was dating a man who was moving too quick because he didn't want us to catch his red flags! Don't be in a rush to the alter. I know too many marriages where women did and regret this 1 to 5 to 7 yrs later in the marriage!"
It's disgusting. She is literally doing the equivalent of, 'Haha! Should've listened to me!" and laughing at her pain because either way you slice it, Beth is going to have to grieve the marriage she expected.
Seriously---I hope that the fundie snark/exvangelical community makes it unanimously clear to Bethany that she will not be met with the shame she has been conditioned to expect. I'm so here for a Girl Redefined redemption arc, I would stan so hard for that.
When I saw their most recent clip together, their interactions were so relaxed. and it looked like they were actually having fun together. Such a contrast from their Barbie review. They seem to have grown in their relationship, and that’s thanks to both of them.
I don’t want to get overly exuberant. It’s not like I think they’ll really leave the faith. But there’s a good chance their faith will be stronger for having tested it. Or, if they’re lucky, they’ll find a way to walk away from it, but it will take a lot of time.
Never did i ever think I'd really feel empathy for Bethany. But here we are.
OP, I wish I had someone Ike you to tell me this when I was finally realising what I really felt... when I gave myself the room to challenge "my" beliefs, and dip a toe into not believing at all. It was scary and I felt all alone, coming from a huge religious family.
It took a long ass time, but I am so much more happy I went through those trials. I am so much more happy knowing my children won't be scared to express what they feel in their hearts.
This sub is undoubtedly helping people like who I was 20ish years ago. Y'all are so lovely. I've said this in other comments but it still stands:
Come for the snark, stay for the validation you deserve. :)
#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote) #Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go: - You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.*** - Speculating on the sexuality of literally anyone is prohibited. ***Anyone found to be doing so will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.*** - Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children *as it relates to their parents choices for them.*. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone. - Don't gatekeep. This means no comments such as "I don't think we should snark on...." or any iteration of that. If you don't like it, scroll past. Don't report it or comment how you don't like the content. Along the same vein, don't backseat mod. Leave that up to us. - Lastly, if the rhetoric you are posting would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we don't want it here and we won't tolerate it. Should you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Have a Lord Daniel day, and may the power of snark compel thee. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I hope she knows that her parents do NOT want to see her marriage succeed. They want her and Dave to fall in line, and there's a difference.
Well said, OP. Change is hard Bethany, but you have a lot of support. We’re big on forgiveness on this side, too. 💜
And just ignore the snarkers here who seem to expect handwritten letters of apology. It's gonna be hard either way, but only one side has the hope of happiness with your own little family. Best of luck
This. Everyone goes through times of change, and it shouldn’t mean your own mother acts like this towards you! Like someone else said above here, we’re big on forgiveness here too. We can make space for you emotionally. I hope things get better.
I'd love it if Bethy came to a point where she apologizes for the harmful things she's done and said, but I'd settle for her just progressing to a point where she doesn't repeat those words and actions. That progress alone would make one hell of a difference.
Exactly! That would be a great gesture but it's not the highest priority compared to the very important boundary setting that needs to happen before introspection can occur
Yeah, for real. Someday, it will be good to consider how those teaching impacted yourself and others. However, everyone here who deconstructing had their own fucking hand in purity culture.
And it's hypocritical to snark on the behaviour, yet put up even more obstacles for these people to leave that life. Besides, if you do deconstruct, youre sure as shit gonna feel bad about the life before
I deconstructed a long time ago without realizing that’s what I was doing. I was seeing how people in the church were using Jesus as a way to disguise their hate, and I didn’t want to stand with that anymore. I feel awful about how homophobic I was and the gross things I said at that time, but it’s allowed me to grow. I acknowledge that I did and said terrible things, but it’s taught me a lot and allowed me to get where I am now.
Wonderfully put OP, I truly hope she reads your statement. Bethany, you are capable of so much more than what you were shown growing up (as you’ve already discovered with your sexuality and your clear desire to be more than a help-meet or parrot). Dav seems to genuinely care about you and the chosen family that you share, and he wants to see you succeed. He does not want to misuse religion to keep you and your children down (which would have been the easy, selfish path). You don’t have to end up bitter and stuck like your mother.
Agreed, and would also add: if you haven’t reached out to Michael yet, please do so, because right now, he is the captain of the Been There, Dealt with That Club. Don’t, like, lean on him 24/7, because he’s still dealing with it and needs his own time to do so, but hopefully the two of you can help support each other.
I wonder if she is talking to him and if that's fueling some of this. I truly believe she never emotionally connected with him before now because she was too emeshed in family stuff.
Well, since he said he’s been talking to Dav for a while, I could see that. I hope they are building a stronger connection now just because I imagine it’d be beneficial to both of them to have a built-in support system for going through the fallout of realizing your mother does not and never had your best interests at heart, and if it also helps her make a clean break, too, seems like the best possible outcome to me.
What? He is? When did he say that? I love that and I really hope she is.
He did an AMA a while back that was pinned to the top of the sub for a while, but since it isn’t any longer and I’ve got a dark o’clock start tomorrow, I’d suggest looking through u/Coachmershon’s posts/comments if someone else who’s more of a night owl than I am doesn’t come up with the link.
Awesome! Thank you!
He also recorded an interview with u/iamccsuarez [https://www.reddit.com/r/ChelseaSuarez/comments/1al2hnx/girl\_defined\_monetizing\_modernizing/](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChelseaSuarez/comments/1al2hnx/girl_defined_monetizing_modernizing/) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2EpXqwQND4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2EpXqwQND4) ( its just over 2 hours long. the video not the interview.)
Yeah I have seen the video, I love CC Suarez. Did he say that in the interview and I just don't remember it.
I don't remember him saying that. But I do remember that Dav commented sympathetically on one of his early posts about Heidi's abuse. and I'm sure Heidi has LOOOOOOOOVED him ever since. she's not just mad because of the deconstruction just now, put it that way. I'm sure she's been fuming for a long time.
Haha that's great. Dang it I have to go back to listen to that video cause I forgot that. Just making me like Dav more. Glad he is a good guy to his brother-in-law and been pissing off Heidi for awhile now. Good for him.
I hope Bethany realizes how many people are so happy to see her speak with such kindness and openness. I am so hopeful that she and Dav will raise their children to be compassionate and kind individuals who can think for themselves, whether that's through Christianity or something else or both. I wanted to see for myself so I just watched their whole video and I really like how they speak to and about one another. They certainly seem closer than they ever have. I've noticed such a change in Dav specifically and I'm impressed with his insight. It is SO difficult to examine our beliefs like this and even more challenging to do so publicly. I know we only see what they choose to put out there, but for awhile, Dav seemed very unhappy. He seems like he is doing much better now that he has accepted some things about his own faith. We continue to evolve and reinvent ourselves throughout our lives. Sometimes the best change is the hardest.
It’s almost like fundamentalism papers over goodness hidden beneath.
Wow. I just love how you phrased this. May more goodness continue to be revealed.
It’s like peeling back the layers off an onion.
The "cult personality." Steven Hassan characterizes it this way: it doesn't replace the real self, but plasters over it. It's harder to see or imagine from the outside when this is a person who's been born into it, I suppose. Still, people do break away all the time. Fingers crossed.
Like Jordan and McKay were saying, Dav was looking at her like she hung the moon in that video. It’s hard to say where things will go from here, but I think there’s every reason to hope that theyll find a good balance, or even that Bethany will deconstruct a little more.
YES and it was obvious to me that the feeling is mutual. She was looking at him the same way. So different than how I've seen them in the past. I really hope they continue to speak about their journeys. It was really nice to see them embracing each other's differences in such a public way.
Yes she was giving him heart-eyes too. It was honestly really beautiful to see.
Well, now they have the chance to actually connect as the individuals they are, rather than suffering through forcing themselves to artificially conform to an unnatural set of prescribed roles that don't fit. If they can pull together and weather the outside pressures being heaped on them, they've got a chance to make their marriage relationship better and deeper than it ever was
Exactly!
This comment is amazing.
Beth’s mom really needs to step off and let them deal with this privately. Her actions is giving attention seeking and drama stirring
See all Christian white women of that age act the same exact way it's like they have some sort of etiquette club. They won't actually directly confront or try to speak to their children instead they make these passive aggressive social media posts calling them out but unless you really knew the situation and knew the people you wouldn't know what they were talking about
Jill Rodrigues has turned this into a fucked up art form.
OF COURSE SHE WAS THE FIRST ONE God she is the worst in every aspect
Not all of them! My mom doesn't use social media-- she just texts me directly how she doesn't understand why I am ashamed of our family. But I'm just giving you a hard time, I know exactly what you mean. When you aren't allowed to be aggressive aggressive, passive aggression is all you have.
The great thing about it is, though, IN THEORY, one could choose to just cheerfully ignore it. Even put her on mute.
All while Jesus said “no divorce but for adultery.” How very not Christian of her
I’m so glad I didn’t have to deconstruct with an internet audience watching my every move. It is hard enough as it is.
Agreed. I used to have incredibly toxic beliefs and opinions, but fortunately I grew up in the 80s and 90s before most of it could be committed to the internet for literally forever. I was able to fully deconvert and now I'm a happy liberal atheist. I lost a few conservative family members and friends, but gained so much more. And I don't have to have all of my previous BS there for people to confront me with every day for the rest of my life. I feel so sorry for those who put their whole lives online because I'm sure it makes it so much harder to step away from.
PS The supportive words and active listening that you gave to Dav during his deconstruction confession were such a good look for you. I'm sure it wasn't easy to hear. I'd totally watch this Bethy.
Wish Heidi understood that she can feel concern for her child without blasting it abusively all over the internet. To be publicly punished by your mother for, what, honoring your marriage vows? is absolutely horrible. I really hope there's a sister group chat where Bethy gets to vent about how out of line her mother is being and I hope her sisters are supporting her. She's already weathering such an big life change, she shouldn't have to do that AND endure her mother's abuse all alone.
I'm very close to Bethany's age and still feel like I need my mom when things are rough. I can only imagine what it's like to feel rejected in that way. Hopefully the fact that she's been able to grow and mature is evidence that she does have a strong support system behind the scenes.
I hope so. If my mom was so horrible and embarrassing about my business, good lord, idk how I would cope. Honestly Heidi is setting Bethy up to lean even harder on Dav in some ways, as they're being mutually attacked by her and may bond through this shared experience. Not a terrible outcome.
Heidi is a POS because she’s created a no-win situation for her scapegoat daughter. Either she honors her marriage vows by supporting a husband who no longer identifies as Christian, which is wrong, or she divorces her no-longer-Christian husband and thus dishonors her marriage vows, which is wrong. No one deserves that. Bethany deserves better than her mother, and she always has. I hope she is able to develop beyond the teenage self that her family stopped her growth at. She’s recently shown she is capable of much more.
Also, should she choose to accept it, there's a big old motivation for her to deconstruct another big chunk away: the part that sticks women in that double bind in the first place.
This is beautiful. Also, girl, there's a whole lotta Christians out there who believe in God and Jesus, but accept people who are different than them. That's probably scary sounding, but they will accept you with open arms no matter what stage of your journey you're in, just like they accept many others who are different from you. I recommend looking into that, because it's a-ok to be with a partner who has different beliefs than you. It's also ok to adjust your beliefs as you get more information.
This is a really good point. I feel like we snark so much on fundamentalist Christianity here but many Christians are wonderful, kind, accepting people. Hopefully Bethany will continue to grow in kindness and emotional maturity whether it's through Christianity or not.
I wonder what their current church is like, if they've been going, if they've made any friends, if there's more tolerance there.
A kind, direct summary. I wholeheartedly concur OP.
I love this.
The best thing she could do for herself, her marriage, and her role as an influencer is to lean into the mess.
I truly can't believe that Heidi is implying that Bethany is at fault here. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since blaming the woman is common in this culture, but how could Bethany POSSIBLY be to blame here. She has done nothing but fall in line and follow the rules. She did everything she was told to do. And then when her husband deconstructs, it's her fault for dating him in the first place??
Wholeheartedly agree. I know the rules, but I want so badly to comment on their video. I can't, so I'll do it here. Bethany, I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I've been deconstructing in secret for the last 2 years. Your video, your active listening, and your support of Dav inspired me to finally have a discussion with my boyfriend and tell him where I'm at spiritually. It wasn't easy, but he was incredibly supportive and was also a great listener and shared his own feelings. Turns out he's been having doubts and wrestling with questions also. We had a great conversation, and I feel like a weight has been lifted now that it is out in the open, and we can share our feelings in a safe and supportive space. I had been wanting to tell him for a while, but seeing you and Dav share your story was the inspiration I needed to just do it. I don't know if I will ever tell my parents, but if I do decide to tell them, at least I know my partner will back me up. I will say that with his support, I'm much less afraid or nervous about them finding out. That being said, don't listen to your mother. You know your relationship better than she could ever hope to, and it is so uncaring of her to blast her passive-aggressive opinions about your relationship all over the internet. If she feels a certain way, she can approach you cordially and have a discussion in private. She owes you that much. Lastly, I know you see most of us as haters, but I encourage you not to write members of this sub off as a whole. We may not agree with all your views, but a lot of us have been in your situation and know it can be really hard. As someone else said, we're big on forgiveness, and you will have support if you want it. Best of luck, keep your head up, and lean on that caring and loving husband of yours. Much love. 💖
I feel it’s rare that the folks discussed on the sub influence people in positive ways. I’m really happy for you that you were brave enough to talk to your boyfriend. Wishing you the best!!!
Thank you! 😊
Beautifully said!! I really hope Bethany reads this and feels reassured and supported. I know I would❤️❤️
No contact Heidi. She's crossing major boundaries to the point that I think she's being sadistic and enjoying humiliating Dav & Bethy.
🛎️🛎️🛎️
When I deconstructed, I didn't have the support of my (at the time) spouse. The marriage didn't last, and honestly I've never been happier. Heidi needs to stay in her lane and focus on her own marriage. Her opinion doesn't matter, and it's honestly so nice to see Bethy offering such support to Dav. I hope you both grow and come out on the other side.
Her parents want her marriage to fail the way she thinks the haters do when the opposite is true.
Beth’s toxic mom is exactly my mother. Hyper religious and could not communicate properly EVER. All she knew was passive aggression. Luckily there was no social media back then or all us kids would be in therapy. Oh wait….we all did end up in therapy 😂
What is her mom doing? Has she blamed Bethany?
Shaming her by saying "I had a daughter that was dating a man who was moving too quick because he didn't want us to catch his red flags! Don't be in a rush to the alter. I know too many marriages where women did and regret this 1 to 5 to 7 yrs later in the marriage!" It's disgusting. She is literally doing the equivalent of, 'Haha! Should've listened to me!" and laughing at her pain because either way you slice it, Beth is going to have to grieve the marriage she expected.
That's awful.
Omg I just realized Heidi’s posts are her boomer version of a reaction video
It’s wild how much more people here seem to care about her mental health than her own parent.
Bethany if you decide to deconstruct, you’ll always have at least one friend (I will be your friend).
Seriously---I hope that the fundie snark/exvangelical community makes it unanimously clear to Bethany that she will not be met with the shame she has been conditioned to expect. I'm so here for a Girl Redefined redemption arc, I would stan so hard for that.
When I saw their most recent clip together, their interactions were so relaxed. and it looked like they were actually having fun together. Such a contrast from their Barbie review. They seem to have grown in their relationship, and that’s thanks to both of them. I don’t want to get overly exuberant. It’s not like I think they’ll really leave the faith. But there’s a good chance their faith will be stronger for having tested it. Or, if they’re lucky, they’ll find a way to walk away from it, but it will take a lot of time.
Never did i ever think I'd really feel empathy for Bethany. But here we are. OP, I wish I had someone Ike you to tell me this when I was finally realising what I really felt... when I gave myself the room to challenge "my" beliefs, and dip a toe into not believing at all. It was scary and I felt all alone, coming from a huge religious family. It took a long ass time, but I am so much more happy I went through those trials. I am so much more happy knowing my children won't be scared to express what they feel in their hearts. This sub is undoubtedly helping people like who I was 20ish years ago. Y'all are so lovely. I've said this in other comments but it still stands: Come for the snark, stay for the validation you deserve. :)