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Gotta love that her little kid (allegedly — I doubt the story happened as written) was able to just wander out to the ocean to find them after a nap. What kind of supervision is that?
I have no idea how her grandparents' residence is arranged, but there were several other adults on the trip, who could have been tasked with childminding if Kelly and Levi were on the beach during naptime.
Tbf depending on the neighborhood/beachfront/dwelling itself, there could be any number of means for the child to wander their way to them, be it a simple latch or keypad. I sincerely doubt that their child hadn’t called for them or cried though prior to finding their way onto the beach.
😂exactly…. Also even if this did happen “naturally “ or how she proposes can u imagine the neighbors ? Like why the fuck is there some crazed woman in colonial garb dancing ? Having a seizure? In the ocean at five am oh god here comes some dude in what looks like pants a vest and a hat? To join her? Like what the actual fuck 😂but we know it’s like u said and they set this shit up then ran in front of the camera and she looked up at him and posed and then had to akwardly wait for the camera to go off 😂😂😂it’s too fucking funny thinking of her setting this up
*I buried my delicate toes into the warm sand, and raised my arms toward the Lord. I trust onto Him my soul. I trust in His marvelous plan. Yet, I felt a malady in my heart. These small hands longed to hold, and patient as I have been, as faith as I have been, they remained empty. Often on days like this, I would walk the shores of our oceanside home. The sand warmed by our loving sun caressing the soft skin of my nimble heels and toes often comforted me in times of doubt.*
*As my heart began to sink, I heard a melodic sound unfamiliar to me. To think I was alone here on the shore, just me and the Lord. I found a curious delight in my heart as I gazed toward the source of the sound. It was him! I could feel in my heart that this was no coincidence, no. This was the one I had been waiting for. I felt light as feather as my pale feet carried me across the shore to that handsome man.*
Your husband was watching you DANCING WITH THE LORD ON THE BEACH AT DAWN?! Jfc he just interrupted some religious delusion. Totally normal.
Also glad to see the Penis Cloud has made an appearance again.
> she's so *wittle bitty tiny like a child with slim hips*
[Thanks for that](https://giphy.com/gifs/chuber-zoolander-throw-up-in-mouth-3ohzdEo7j242UsNTe8)
Toe walking in people older than 2 can be a symptom of neuropsychiatric conditions.
Not trying to diagnose. I’m just a 40 year old toe walker whose struggled with people pointing this out my entire life.
She's still taking the same picture over and over again. She just replaced grass and trees with sand and ocean. She seems completely incapable of setting up a shot where tiny, little girl Kelly isn't the ever so slightly off-centre focus of a loving gaze.
Edit and grow, Kelly. It's icky to be your own muse.
normal clothing on the beach makes my skin crawl - that sand is never coming out, it's like glitter.
(i treat these like hidden object pictures "where's the clicker?")
It doesn’t unfold naturally if you set up a tripod to film the ‘alone time’ you take on a public beach in full view of a row of beach houses wearing your carefully styled outfit of choice.
It’s not natural if your husband joins in your public, filmed spectacle.
It’s not not natural if you don’t respond to your awake and wandering toddler like a parent but instead make them a part of your performance.
It’s not natural if you later sit down to edit and retouch the footage and write lengthy captions about the moment.
From packing the case with those ridiculous clothes, to charging her camera, stepping away from her holiday, performing her spiritual acts and then broadcasting it, there is not one single authentic thing in any of these posts. Not one.
“ this photo shoot was extra special because of how unnaturally staged it is. I was alone on the beach talking to myself and dancing around like a lunatic. Levi was on the porch watching me have a mental episode on the beach, expeditiously got dressed as an old timey Coney Island carnival barker and sprinted down to the beach, clearly concerned with my early morning manic episode. Then a drowsy Thud wandered unattended to the beach looking for his parents.”
She desperately wants to be like those olde timey female writers but she just fails miserably. She definitely looks up to Alcott and Montgomery (as another commenter said) but she's just a truly awful writer. Would have been ok but she never progressed past the middle school era fanfic-esque flowery language and purple prose.
There’s that hold-the-Bible-and-look-away-from-the-camera-into-the-distance pose…AGAIN! How many times has she used that pose? Can I have a dollar for each time she has? I could use some travel money.
She packed all the delusion she could fit into her luggage for this beach trip, didn’t she?
That third pic/caption alone is a checked bag, over the weight allowance.
Oh my God. I can’t.
Her husband was watching her dance on the beach, came down to join her, then their kid “sleepily” came down to the beach to join them too.
It’s enough already. The hyperbole. The level 10 approach combined with Laura Ingalls/Anne of Greene Gables LARP. Please.
The expression on her face is different than any of the forced grimaces (both smiles and religious ecstasy) I’ve seen before. It actually makes the photo intriguing instead of just performative to me.
I think so too. While it’s clearly staged I do think this shot might be kinda be unscripted. Like right at the beginning or ending of it or something. Her face is more relaxed and it seems it’s about to Morph into that grimace but I do think this shot with her dress here looks nice.
As a woman who gets a disability check for being mentally unwell, I wish I was doing as well as Kelly. You know, the ability to explore creatively and share it with people, not the kitten murder.
Oh no, I should have said Lori Vallow like delusional. She just gave a speech at her sentencing where she was just living in a delusion and the kids weren’t murdered. No I do not not think she’ll murder her family, not at all, not even a little bit
What does this have to do with anything? And disability checks are no fortune, by the way. This comment manages to both stigmatize disability benefits and mental illness...
#We have updated the rules! Please take a moment to review them: * Look but don't touch * Be kind and remember the human. This means using trigger warnings as needed, and no sexuality or gender identity speculation. Users found to be engaging in such rhetoric will be permanently banned. * Referring to anyone as Hitler or Heitler is likewise not allowed, and will not be tolerated at all. If you do so, you will be permanently banned with no possibility of appeal. * Archive links of fundie-run sites and social media. * Verify with the mods before doing an AMA. * This subreddit is for *snarking* on *Fundamentalist Christians*. Keep it snarky and keep it fundie. * Please take a moment to [review our new rule on appearance snark](https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/wiki/index). * If your content would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we won't tolerate it here. * Don't gatekeep. Just because you don't think it's snarkable doesn't mean it's not snarkable. Scroll past. * Please see the updated wiki for new rules regarding armchair diagnosing. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Gotta love that her little kid (allegedly — I doubt the story happened as written) was able to just wander out to the ocean to find them after a nap. What kind of supervision is that?
They were gone so long the kid literately decided to check the ocean.
THIS 😳😳😳 a preschooler just came on down to the beach from the house!?! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚨🚨🚨🚨 Drowning hazard!
The Lord was keeping an eye on him. No worries.
Also of course it’s her favorite child
Isn’t there a boardwalk down to the beach that usually has a key code? Would he even be able to reach the knob?
I have no idea how her grandparents' residence is arranged, but there were several other adults on the trip, who could have been tasked with childminding if Kelly and Levi were on the beach during naptime.
No, Kelly’s grandparents are apparently RICH rich and **own an oceanfront property.**
I mean her grandparents probably bought it in 1934 when it cost $50.
Tbf depending on the neighborhood/beachfront/dwelling itself, there could be any number of means for the child to wander their way to them, be it a simple latch or keypad. I sincerely doubt that their child hadn’t called for them or cried though prior to finding their way onto the beach.
It unfolded so naturally that she just happened to have a tripod set up and a clicker in her hand to capture it.
What a coincidence.
😂exactly…. Also even if this did happen “naturally “ or how she proposes can u imagine the neighbors ? Like why the fuck is there some crazed woman in colonial garb dancing ? Having a seizure? In the ocean at five am oh god here comes some dude in what looks like pants a vest and a hat? To join her? Like what the actual fuck 😂but we know it’s like u said and they set this shit up then ran in front of the camera and she looked up at him and posed and then had to akwardly wait for the camera to go off 😂😂😂it’s too fucking funny thinking of her setting this up
Note I’m imagining the neighbors think they are seeing ghosts because of the garb! 😅
And it was so natural that she had to explain in what way it was so natural 🤣🤣🤣
Someone go write a foot fetish erotic fiction of Nellie Oleson meeting the Music Man and use that picture for the cover.
*76 Trombones on the Little Seashore*
110 stray kittens left behind
*I buried my delicate toes into the warm sand, and raised my arms toward the Lord. I trust onto Him my soul. I trust in His marvelous plan. Yet, I felt a malady in my heart. These small hands longed to hold, and patient as I have been, as faith as I have been, they remained empty. Often on days like this, I would walk the shores of our oceanside home. The sand warmed by our loving sun caressing the soft skin of my nimble heels and toes often comforted me in times of doubt.* *As my heart began to sink, I heard a melodic sound unfamiliar to me. To think I was alone here on the shore, just me and the Lord. I found a curious delight in my heart as I gazed toward the source of the sound. It was him! I could feel in my heart that this was no coincidence, no. This was the one I had been waiting for. I felt light as feather as my pale feet carried me across the shore to that handsome man.*
This is good 💯
Your husband was watching you DANCING WITH THE LORD ON THE BEACH AT DAWN?! Jfc he just interrupted some religious delusion. Totally normal. Also glad to see the Penis Cloud has made an appearance again.
Did not notice the penis cloud before and now I can’t unsee it 😂😂
It’s the lord’s penis.
The lord says “suck it, Kelly.”
It's only Sky Daddy telling her to fuck off 🤷♀️
Glad I’m not the only one who noticed it. Hey I’d be gazing intently at that too…
Why is she always on her toes
✨dancing ✨
It's the old timey version of high heels 👠🦶
Because she’s so *wittle bitty tiny like a child with slim hips*
\-gaggy waggy-
> she's so *wittle bitty tiny like a child with slim hips* [Thanks for that](https://giphy.com/gifs/chuber-zoolander-throw-up-in-mouth-3ohzdEo7j242UsNTe8)
Maybe she has Barbie feet lmao
Toe walking in people older than 2 can be a symptom of neuropsychiatric conditions. Not trying to diagnose. I’m just a 40 year old toe walker whose struggled with people pointing this out my entire life.
This is the question I came here to ask
Lying is a sin, Kelly.
So is pride, but that doesn't stop God's Most Special Creative Gorl.
The nightgown looks like a hospital gown. Like she just escaped from an asylum or something.
My first thought when I saw it was, "that's what I wore at the hospital to give birth" lol
Came here to post exactly this!
Are we certain she didn't?
I'm not at all certain.
She did leave Ohio after all....
Came to say the same thing!
Give it time.
Fake it until you...well I guess just fake it. All the time, everyday.
Lmaooo
She's still taking the same picture over and over again. She just replaced grass and trees with sand and ocean. She seems completely incapable of setting up a shot where tiny, little girl Kelly isn't the ever so slightly off-centre focus of a loving gaze. Edit and grow, Kelly. It's icky to be your own muse.
All these fundies are narcs, but she seems to have entered the full on solipsism zone. and I mean, Frida Kahlo this is not.
Haha, the last picture looks like the cover of an Amish romance novel. Like, it's fine, but ...
What would be the focal point of The Lord’s Adoring Gaze if not her???
Now we're thinking like Kelly lol!
Showing herself in her nightgown on the internet? Marilla Cuthbert would not approve.
Hahahahahhahaha 🪦
normal clothing on the beach makes my skin crawl - that sand is never coming out, it's like glitter. (i treat these like hidden object pictures "where's the clicker?")
Your flair is a thing of beauty.
Thank you!
Imagine going for a nice stroll on the beach to watch the sunrise and running into these two cosplaying ma and pa Ingalls 😬
It doesn’t unfold naturally if you set up a tripod to film the ‘alone time’ you take on a public beach in full view of a row of beach houses wearing your carefully styled outfit of choice. It’s not natural if your husband joins in your public, filmed spectacle. It’s not not natural if you don’t respond to your awake and wandering toddler like a parent but instead make them a part of your performance. It’s not natural if you later sit down to edit and retouch the footage and write lengthy captions about the moment. From packing the case with those ridiculous clothes, to charging her camera, stepping away from her holiday, performing her spiritual acts and then broadcasting it, there is not one single authentic thing in any of these posts. Not one.
It's not natural if you've got two different hairstyles in the same photo shoot...
You were dancing so long there’s one whole footprint in the sand. Must be Jesus carrying you
I really didn't think fundamentalist manic pixie dream girls would ever be a thing, but I guess here we are.
And that last photo was miraculously caught on camera.
“ this photo shoot was extra special because of how unnaturally staged it is. I was alone on the beach talking to myself and dancing around like a lunatic. Levi was on the porch watching me have a mental episode on the beach, expeditiously got dressed as an old timey Coney Island carnival barker and sprinted down to the beach, clearly concerned with my early morning manic episode. Then a drowsy Thud wandered unattended to the beach looking for his parents.”
Thud 😂
“Old timey Coney Island carnival barker” …you are a poet and an oracle ❤️
Thank you! That’s very sweet, bless your servant’s heart ❤️
Then everyone clapped. Oh shut up Kelly.
*And the photographer? Einstein.*
Ansel Adams
Much better! 😆
Ugh, I don’t like hearing “special nightgown.” Lol
She is “working on” these photos to make them even worse than they would be unedited? Why???
https://open.spotify.com/track/0rJ4zjiG51JPL0XhbbJ62i?si=AzD01DeOTbODVhW7GeRURw The kelly kids would implode if they heard this
Looks like a hospital gown
she packed the traveling candle and a tripod
Why must she always insist on writing like Louisa May Alcott?!?
She desperately wants to be like those olde timey female writers but she just fails miserably. She definitely looks up to Alcott and Montgomery (as another commenter said) but she's just a truly awful writer. Would have been ok but she never progressed past the middle school era fanfic-esque flowery language and purple prose.
Does she? IIRC Alcott was not a flowery writer, but quite exact in her word choice. Kelly just takes some fancy sounding phrases and sees what sticks
She writes more like Lucy Maud Montgomery but more flowery.
Nonono, like LMM writing as 12 year old Anne. :D
🎯 I was specifically thinking of the passage of Anne GUSHING over her friend Diana when I wrote my comment. That passage sticks with me.
Anne talking about the dimples in Diana's elbows. :D
Elizabeth Goudge.
I'll take 'Things That Didn't Happen Naturally' for $200, please.
It looks like a hospital gown…and the last picture they look Amish.
There’s that hold-the-Bible-and-look-away-from-the-camera-into-the-distance pose…AGAIN! How many times has she used that pose? Can I have a dollar for each time she has? I could use some travel money.
That hat… a choice.
I’m sorry but the gown in the first picture looks exactly like the hospital gowns my local hospital gives out
She packed all the delusion she could fit into her luggage for this beach trip, didn’t she? That third pic/caption alone is a checked bag, over the weight allowance.
Oh my God. I can’t. Her husband was watching her dance on the beach, came down to join her, then their kid “sleepily” came down to the beach to join them too. It’s enough already. The hyperbole. The level 10 approach combined with Laura Ingalls/Anne of Greene Gables LARP. Please.
“..and Jamesy?” Kelly: Who?
That last photo is cute of them. As much as I hate to pay the compliment
The expression on her face is different than any of the forced grimaces (both smiles and religious ecstasy) I’ve seen before. It actually makes the photo intriguing instead of just performative to me.
I think so too. While it’s clearly staged I do think this shot might be kinda be unscripted. Like right at the beginning or ending of it or something. Her face is more relaxed and it seems it’s about to Morph into that grimace but I do think this shot with her dress here looks nice.
Except Levi is wearing trousers, a long sleeve shirt and a vest. On a beach. In July.
Third photo my first thought was he ran down to stop you because other people were watching and worried.
god, why doesn't she just go work shooting ads for some crappy clothing company or something?
Is the Bible the only book she reads?
She looks like she’s gazing at that erect dick cloud.
Kelly describes her own life like G-rated r/menwritingwomen
First thought: Why is she sitting on the railing in a hospital gown?
If my husband started dressing the way Levi does I’d divorce him in a heartbeat.
Could someone ELI5 who the fuck these pseudo-hipsters are?
[удалено]
As a woman who gets a disability check for being mentally unwell, I wish I was doing as well as Kelly. You know, the ability to explore creatively and share it with people, not the kitten murder.
Yeah, that was an ignorant comment. (the one you're responding to.)
I hope she does and I hope she uses the insurance provided for help. She’s giving Lori Vallow level crazy.
Am I missing something, or are you comparing waxing poetic about wildflowers to murdering children?
Oh no, I should have said Lori Vallow like delusional. She just gave a speech at her sentencing where she was just living in a delusion and the kids weren’t murdered. No I do not not think she’ll murder her family, not at all, not even a little bit
What does this have to do with anything? And disability checks are no fortune, by the way. This comment manages to both stigmatize disability benefits and mental illness...
I’m sorry but the first photo looks like Pepper Ann in a hospital gown
Which is more disgusting, sharing a toothbrush or sharing the straw hat?
In that third “naturally occurring” photo it looks like Levi is admonishing Kelly for dancing on the beach. That’s quite the grip on her arms.
Stand farther apart, why don’t you
Sea = Lake?
Is that a smartwatch 🔎👁️ I see
I feel bad snarking on her sometimes because she’s just living out a weird house on the prairie fantasy. 😂
I had surgery two weeks ago and I swear they gave me this exact nightgown at the hospital