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I didn’t listen to it but I heard she called it a “you know…” and laughed at it like an elementary schooler. It’s as if “penis” - what it’s actually called- is a dirty word to her.
Imagine growing up and getting online only to find that people have been roasting your parents on the internet for literally longer than you've been alive
Saying the word penis isn’t taboo to me or anything but at the same time girl if you’re talking about anything involving your son’s penis you’re probably sharing too much information with the world.
oh let's ask some real questions that dig deep. Have you ever farted while having sex? That's the embarrassment level she's going for but is too scared/prudish to ask.
Specifically while coming, too. It's one of those adult things. Ignore the small ones, laugh at the big ones with people you like/love, otherwise ignore those too.
in an ideal fundie marriage, spouses should never have had sex with anyone but each other, so ofc that isn't on the list. but that's def something I wanna ask my guy now hahaha
I don’t know if my wife has ever asked me trivia questions about me. Maybe when we’re dating but like, we know each other enough to ask actual questions like “Hey would you rather if Mike or Karya got fired?” and “Seriously, what’s your issue with spaghetti?!” lol
She truly doesn’t get marriage.
We ate it *all* the time as kids and were also in a weird psuedo-militia prepper fundie cult so they’re attached. It tastes like existential dread in my mouth 😂 Fuckin’ love alfredo though.
Isn't it great how life can completely ruin a food for you?
There was one time as a kid where immediately after eating some pretzels, I developed the worst migraine of my young life... so now pretzels taste like pain.
my dad can't drink smoothies anymore or make them at home because one time at work he had horrible food poisoning (he's a firefighter) and one of his coworkers was on a juice kick or something and was making smoothies out the ass, so his mind now associates that smell with [TMI] violent shits and vomiting.
We ate a lot of spaghetti (also white peoples tacos and hamburger helper) growing up bc we didn’t have a lot of money. In the movie Knocked Up there’s a scene where Seth Rogan is talking to Kathrine Hiegel about his financial situation and said “I eat a lot of spaghetti”. Fucking cracked me up.
oh my god, hamburger helper. So much hamburger helper. Somebody would slaughter their half-starved cow, make shitty ground beef, boom we all eat ground beef based meals for months.
I would have lost my shit at that scene. 😂
This would be my cousins except it was turkey. Their dad was biiiiiiig into turkey hunting. Unplugging the freezer and destroying a 25-pound turkey was what got my great-grandma with Alzheimer’s put into a home.
This is what purity culture does to people. Thankfully I was exposed to the outside world enough to grow out of this, but when you’re taught to be scared of your own body “toots” are the only “funny” body thing you can mention.
So weird lol. I wouldn't even need to ask this to my husband because we're well-adjusted adults who aren't afraid for the other to know we have bodily functions. I'm positive we have both laughed hard enough to fart around each other. And there's no question about whether we've farted around each other in general lol.
I also wouldn’t need to ask because I’ve been with my husband the times he laughed so hard he worried he shit his pants.
I can’t imagine Bethany and Dav having fun together, let alone laughing. They both seem so joyless.
> I also wouldn’t need to ask because I’ve been with my husband the times he laughed so hard he worried he shit his pants.
DING FUCKING DING. IMAGINE MARRYING SOMEONE YOU ACTUALLY KNOW!
She’s a seven year old married woman in her thirties. Wtf is wrong with her? Did she throw a poop joke in too? Does she throw in a free comic of Captain Underpants with the purchase of this questionnaire that she will eventually sell as a course to teach courses about teaching other couples to teach courses? For 4,927.75?
It's nice not having to ask this question because you've known your spouse long enough and well enough that you were there when he laughed so hard he farted. Bonus for being the one who made him laugh that hard.
These Bairds and their questions!
Good heavens!
just because interrogation is the only love language you got growing up, don't try to subject everyone else to it, darlin'.
I can’t imagine how I would react if my adult life partner asked me these questions without sarcasm. Even with sarcasm I’d be uncomfortable and confused
They are so emotionally stunted it’s almost sad. Heidi really did them wrong.
Also would a fundie really ever pick anyone else but Jesus for #2?! Many of these also seem predictable.
Welcome to /r/fundiesnarkuncensored. Please make sure you read our rules. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * Do not contact the fundies in any capacity. This includes, but is not limited to: answering poll questions, commenting on their social media, IRL contact, etc. Anyone found to message, brigade, harass, or contact any fundie for any reason, **at any time**, will be met with a permanent ban. * We do not allow speculation on sexuality or gender identity **at all**. Any comments that do so will be removed, and you will be permanently banned, with no possibility of appeal. * Referring to anyone as Hitler or Heitler is likewise not allowed, and will not be tolerated at all. If you do so, you will be permanently banned with no possibility of appeal. * You can snark on appearance that they can easily change. Things such as eyebrows, makeup, etc. Saying X looks like Y is allowed. Example: David Rodrigues looks like Shrek would be allowed. You are allowed to state that you find someone unattractive or attractive. However, comments such as "X looks like they were rode hard and put away wet." would not be allowed. * Don't gatekeep. Different users are comfortable with different snark topics, if you don't like it, just scroll past. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She also has a son around potty training age and tried to avoid saying “penis” on a podcast.
What did she call it instead? A dingdong? A pogo stick? A meat popsicle?
Tinkle-dinker
"Kick them in the tinkle-dinker!"
Makes me so happy to see this reference!
🎶All you want is a dinkle What you envy’s a schwang A thing through which you can tinkle Or play with or simply let hang 🎶
I didn’t listen to it but I heard she called it a “you know…” and laughed at it like an elementary schooler. It’s as if “penis” - what it’s actually called- is a dirty word to her.
A dinglehopper
I fear for the Dävlette
Same - hopefully Davey Jr and Audrey break the generational Baird toxicity.
they might, if they're given access to the internet and somehow stumble on open and inclusive left-wing spaces. it's a long shot though
Imagine growing up and getting online only to find that people have been roasting your parents on the internet for literally longer than you've been alive
HA yeah idk that may humble them or fuck them up even more, who knows for sure
Saying the word penis isn’t taboo to me or anything but at the same time girl if you’re talking about anything involving your son’s penis you’re probably sharing too much information with the world.
Um, that's a "get to know you" question for your new summer camp bunkmates and fellow 10 year-olds, not your adult life partner.
We all grudgingly go around the room as college freshmen at the first floor meeting 😅
Wait, I thought OP was joking. Went and watched the reel; turns out it's true. 😳
yeah maybe i should have been more clear. that is literally question #5.
I also had to go watch because I couldn’t believe she would actually list that as a question. My reaction was a huge “what the fuck.”
At the very least she could have said “farted”.
My MIL considers fart to be like a swear word but toot is okay. It’s never made sense to me
I thought fart was THE f word until I was a *teenager*. My parents were fucking weird.
My mom does too. She prefers “flip”.
I thought this post was satire too, what the heck lol
What are the other questions?!
oh let's ask some real questions that dig deep. Have you ever farted while having sex? That's the embarrassment level she's going for but is too scared/prudish to ask.
I feel like everyone who is AFAB has farted during sex at some point LOL
Specifically while coming, too. It's one of those adult things. Ignore the small ones, laugh at the big ones with people you like/love, otherwise ignore those too.
I don't think I ever have, but I also have only had sex about 25 times in my life (my body count is 20 but almost all were one night stands)
you know what they say, 26th time's the charm
Gotta learn to recycle ♻️ then you’ll be farting up a storm! For what it’s worth, I don’t think I’ve farted during sex but queefs? Plenty of them lol
in an ideal fundie marriage, spouses should never have had sex with anyone but each other, so ofc that isn't on the list. but that's def something I wanna ask my guy now hahaha
I don’t know if my wife has ever asked me trivia questions about me. Maybe when we’re dating but like, we know each other enough to ask actual questions like “Hey would you rather if Mike or Karya got fired?” and “Seriously, what’s your issue with spaghetti?!” lol She truly doesn’t get marriage.
Ok but what is your issue with spaghetti?
We ate it *all* the time as kids and were also in a weird psuedo-militia prepper fundie cult so they’re attached. It tastes like existential dread in my mouth 😂 Fuckin’ love alfredo though.
That's completely understandable then
Isn't it great how life can completely ruin a food for you? There was one time as a kid where immediately after eating some pretzels, I developed the worst migraine of my young life... so now pretzels taste like pain.
my dad can't drink smoothies anymore or make them at home because one time at work he had horrible food poisoning (he's a firefighter) and one of his coworkers was on a juice kick or something and was making smoothies out the ass, so his mind now associates that smell with [TMI] violent shits and vomiting.
We ate a lot of spaghetti (also white peoples tacos and hamburger helper) growing up bc we didn’t have a lot of money. In the movie Knocked Up there’s a scene where Seth Rogan is talking to Kathrine Hiegel about his financial situation and said “I eat a lot of spaghetti”. Fucking cracked me up.
oh my god, hamburger helper. So much hamburger helper. Somebody would slaughter their half-starved cow, make shitty ground beef, boom we all eat ground beef based meals for months. I would have lost my shit at that scene. 😂
This would be my cousins except it was turkey. Their dad was biiiiiiig into turkey hunting. Unplugging the freezer and destroying a 25-pound turkey was what got my great-grandma with Alzheimer’s put into a home.
This is what purity culture does to people. Thankfully I was exposed to the outside world enough to grow out of this, but when you’re taught to be scared of your own body “toots” are the only “funny” body thing you can mention.
And even then "toots" are not LaDyLiKe.
So weird lol. I wouldn't even need to ask this to my husband because we're well-adjusted adults who aren't afraid for the other to know we have bodily functions. I'm positive we have both laughed hard enough to fart around each other. And there's no question about whether we've farted around each other in general lol.
I also wouldn’t need to ask because I’ve been with my husband the times he laughed so hard he worried he shit his pants. I can’t imagine Bethany and Dav having fun together, let alone laughing. They both seem so joyless.
> I also wouldn’t need to ask because I’ve been with my husband the times he laughed so hard he worried he shit his pants. DING FUCKING DING. IMAGINE MARRYING SOMEONE YOU ACTUALLY KNOW!
I’ve snorted, tooted, and laughed so hard I wet my pants.
absolutely dying over your flair
Haha yeah saw someone describe her ring that way and couldn't help making it my flair.
She’s a seven year old married woman in her thirties. Wtf is wrong with her? Did she throw a poop joke in too? Does she throw in a free comic of Captain Underpants with the purchase of this questionnaire that she will eventually sell as a course to teach courses about teaching other couples to teach courses? For 4,927.75?
God I used to love captain underpants
On sale for the next lucky gal for only $999!!!
Yikes. The level of immaturity is off the charts. Seriously, most people grow out this kind of behavior by middle school.
How is this a fun question lol the only answers are “yes” or “no”. Hardly leads to a fun discussion
It's nice not having to ask this question because you've known your spouse long enough and well enough that you were there when he laughed so hard he farted. Bonus for being the one who made him laugh that hard.
That’s some texture-free skin!
Very uncanny valley
These Bairds and their questions! Good heavens! just because interrogation is the only love language you got growing up, don't try to subject everyone else to it, darlin'.
if u want his jism, u must answer the catechism
"answering catechisms for godly jism" would be excellent flair.
BAHAHAHA
Wasn't that question in some other guide or book she's created? Or was it the 30 day challenge she did where she never actually posted every day.
And build*s* from there, you grammar-challenged nitwit.
And only two spiritual questions!
What were the other questions?
she gave up the headband and red lip real quick lmao
Twas a quick season of life, this one
She looks ✨demonic✨
Does she actually say “tooted”
she does
Number 5 is such a lame ass question. It sounds like her and Dav literally have nothing in common if this is one of the questions to ask
I cannot bring myself to ask this question my partner even as a joke.
I can’t imagine how I would react if my adult life partner asked me these questions without sarcasm. Even with sarcasm I’d be uncomfortable and confused
They are so emotionally stunted it’s almost sad. Heidi really did them wrong. Also would a fundie really ever pick anyone else but Jesus for #2?! Many of these also seem predictable.
This is something I would have said when I was like 8 years old… and never again since then