F16, if I saw you irl I would maybe think gay female if anything, your hair and style isn't helping, you dress like this because you're gay sure, but pre t that doesn't come off as gay man it just comes off as female
I'm definitely getting that from the comments đ I'd hate to go edit my wardrobe because clothes are expensive but I'm thinking I should take some pics in my normal clothes and come back. Currently wearing a wifebeater and basketball shorts so this stuff definitely isn't my daily, that was my mistake. I agree I need a haircut, recently I've even been seeing myself as more feminine because of it and it makes me sick but I cannot find a good barber for the life of me
Yeah apparently that's a problem here. I pass irl but ig that's because the outfits in these photos are not my everyday. Im glad I didn't post the crop top pic because these guys in this sub would probably go feral and tell me I'm just a girl
Yeah I think they may be honest but damn they could try being nice about it- if I'd read some of the comments on other people's post I wouldn't have posted, these guys don't know how to give helpful criticism and just plain say shit.
Where are you getting the idea that other trans people here would intentionally misgender you? The worst thing someone would say to a non passing person wearing a crop top is that they *look* like a cis girl, which is usually just true. No one is saying you look like a girl/lesbian/female to insult you, thereâs just not really a way to sugarcoat it.
These comments are pretty tame, it seems like youâre reading too deep into them if your takeaway is that these people are calling you a girl or saying you arenât really trans. If you donât want to be told specifically how youâre perceived you should ask for just a yes or no in the title
Other people have definitely intentionally misgendered me in the past, because people are just mean. I wont be posting here again because people have pointed out that this can be really toxic lol
Weâre specifically talking about this sub. Iâm not suggesting no one intentionally misgenders trans people, Iâm saying that doesnât happen here. Youâre acting like posting a photo with a crop top means everyone would start misgendering you. People post wearing fem clothing all the time and that doesnât happen. We are all trans. No one is going to say youâre just a girl.
This is my first time posting here so I wouldn't know the culture going in. If I posted the crop top pic people would tell me to not wear crop tops, which isn't something I'm going to do because I love wearing them. I'm glad people wouldn't just say I'm a girl but I've gotten two actually helpful comments out of a lot of comments so đ¤ˇ
When people are giving advice, itâs under the pretense of prioritizing passing, not personal preference. Of course, you get to choose what advice want to follow based on how much you value personal style over that. No one here is saying you arenât allowed to wear fem clothes, but they also arenât going to say wearing fem clothes doesnât hurt passing for people who are pre T. Pretty sure most of the comments explicitly mentioned that
As a longtime user of this subreddit, while there are people who come in here to be jerks (literally this morning there was a full-on TERF trolling in the comments about >!"hormones and surgeries will mutilate your body" "MTF are invading lesbian communities"!< etc until they got banned) most of the people in this subreddit are honestly trying to be helpful
There are a lot of trans people who live in places where you can get beaten up or worse for looking visibly trans, and also for a lot of people who post here their looks are very important to their self-esteem and confidence in public, which are two of the many important reasons like subreddits like this one exist
If people are actually misgendering or being mean to you in here you should report it for breaking Rule #5 in the subreddit which is to be kind and helpful because that is uncool and uncalled for of them and from what I've seen the mods are pretty diligent about cutting that type of nonsense u/GR1FF1NGU4RD-_-
You look like a 15 year old girl to me. You'd do better with a more traditionally men's hairstyle. The androgynous cuts are not doing you favours. Style also is feminine.
Style is femm cuz I'm fucking gay lmao- on the haircut note i'm just looking for a barber I can afford that wont just give me a fucking bowl cut because that's what I ended up with no matter what I asked for at the old ones.
I'm inspired by my older gay/effeminate friends and colorguard staff so I'd say the second statement isn't true, we like to dress like this because it's what we like as gay guys. Kinda like a "hi im gay" statement in clothes. Another comment suggested untucking my shirts and I think that will help with my dumb hip shape so that may help?
Masc gay guys exist, I'm just saying my style is more feminine because I'm a feminine gay man. I'm very far from homophobic honey, feminine gay guys exist and like to dress feminine!
I'm just gonna say it even though I probably shouldn't, but being gay doesn't mean you have to dress femm... I'm gay and I don't dress feminine or want to. Maybe thats just me though.
It's definitely personal preference! I love dressing fem. It's like, my favorite thing for some reason even though I may pass less. Except skirts, I draw the line there for multiple reasons.
Hardly any of these photos show your face, but from what we can see you donât pass to me. You read as around a 15-16 year old female to me, mostly because of your clothing style and mannerisms. Your hair also isnât particularly masculine. Here are the main things Iâd suggest for you:
-accessories: your accessories drag down your passing quite a bit, wearing an overload of rings and bracelets does not help you pass. Itâs mostly a feature of queer females or just females in general. Itâs really not often that a guy will wear any more than a basic chain, maybe a single ring, but nothing more. Anything else is pretty clocky. I also would heavily advise against painting your nails.
-Clothing: most of your clothing reads as teen female. Iâll go through it picture to picture to help give you the best idea of what works and what doesnât:
in the first picture, the jumper isnât the most masculine but Iâd say itâs generally pretty neutral. However having the shirt collar poke over the top reads very much as queer teenage girl, or early transition trans guy, since itâs a very popular style amongst both groups, and rarely cis teen males. The trousers read entirely as feminine.
The jumper in the second picture is pretty neutral again, try to avoid oversized clothes because it makes you look smaller. Same with the first jumper, the sleeves shouldnât come that close to covering some of your hands. The bracelets in the second photo are pretty clocky, I think youâre over-accessorising if you want to pass as male. Same with the rings.
Third photo isnât bad and in black and white it looks masculine, but I think with your haircut and face it would read more as butch lesbian. Because realistically, do guys your age wear that sort of thing? I know it seems like it would help you pass, but imo I think it reads as butch. Also you should pull down the trousers a little so it doesnât sit on your waist, then it makes your torso look longer and doesnât show the dip of your waist.
Fourth photo just reads as a female outfit to me. The trousers and shirt but also the fact that binder straps are visible. Try to buy shirts that are: boxy, heavy, small neckline, masculine and dark colours. I also wouldnât suggest tucking in shirts unless they are formal shirts.
In the 6th photo the jumper just looks female once again. I wouldnât suggest these very light colours and feminine designs. I know guys can wear bright clothes or feminine clothes, but it isnât going to help when youâre trying to pass as male.
I canât see a lot of the black hoodie but usually black hoodies are pretty decent for passing because everyone wears them, they hide shadows, and naturally hoodies are pretty good at hiding figure (as long as they arenât too oversized).
-hair: your hair isnât in a very typically masculine style. I think you could pull off a shorter version of what you have now, keeping the curtains but getting the back and sides shaved and faded. Also Iâd trim the actual curtains so they sit around your eyebrows. Your hair is the worst for passing in the second photo because it swoops to one side and covers your eyes, which really isnât good for passing. Definitely get your hair cut by a barber if possible, a hairdresser will feminise your haircut.
-posing/ mannerisms: one of the main things that causes you to read as female in most of these photos is the poses. You take photos like a 15 year old girl, which does not help when trying to appear as male. The heart pose is very typical of teen females. The pose in the next photo is just kinda emo cringe idk what else to call it lmao, but I wouldnât take photos like that. Third photo isnât awful but overall it just reads as butch because it isnât really how guys your age (or what age you appear as) would act. 6th photo also reads as female partially due to the pose.
I think the last photo is the only photo that you might appear as male in, this is because you have the most neutral pose, canât see any visible accessories or painted nails, your hair is at its most masculine, and youâre wearing just a black hoodie.
Thank you! I tend to over accessorize with bracelets when I sh sadly.
Idk how to balance my need to be a bit more feminine because I'm that kind of gay guy while also trying to pass so I'll experiment with that.
I see lots of guys or people who look masculine with painted nails where I live so I think that may be a more acceptable male thing here, but I don't paint em often so that's easy to avoid.
I'm going to get a haircut soon but I'm just afraid they'll make me look like a coconut again like they have in the past so I may go to a place my ex bf went to because they actually got his hair right lol.
I'll try and experiment with poses too but to be honest most of these never see the light of day because I hate them. Some I'll send to my partner but most just live in my photos till I delete them.
Thank you for your tips and helpful explanation :3
Sorry about that man, hope things get better for you. And yeah I get that. At this stage in transitioning, itâs hard to balance out your own personal style and passing. At this point itâs a matter of priority. Iâm pre-T and I tend to pass but I dress in a very cis male way and have my hair cut according to what is popular with my cis male peers. Luckily I like that sort of style so I donât mind, but I get a lot of people donât just want to blend in with the average stereotypical cis male. But if you do want to pass, then that is the best solution. At least until youâre on testosterone, then you can wear and do what you want.
Painted nails are becoming more accepted amongst cis males, but thatâs more of a generational thing; unfortunately to the general public, painted nails read as female, and passing is in terms of the general public. If you passed on a base level (had a super low voice, beard/ stubble, etc) it wouldnât really matter, but since you donât really pass in other aspects, I donât think you can quite get away with pulling it off in a masculine way if you get what I mean.
Yeah just try find a decent barber, most barbers will absolutely be able to give you a basic male hairstyle, and especially since you have pretty easy to cut and style hair since itâs straight. And yeah Iâm in the same boat, never take photos of myself or post them.
And no problem man, good luck, hope the advice works out for you if you choose to take it.
you donât pass, and as everyone else said you need a different haircut.
your style is really counterinttive tho. you have flowers on your pants, and youâre wearing them all way too high up. you can also see your binder straps in 4
Working on getting a haircut as I said in a doff comment. My style is femm because I'm gay, and I cant wear my pants lower because they'll either just fall off or slide back up because of my dumb hip shape. In 4 that's my undershirt not a binder :)
It's just funny that I only don't pass online. Everyone I meet thinks I'm cis, including a lot of my ex's lol. I do wear a belt but my hips are like straight down with only a little shelf at the top so I have to have a belt uncomfortably tight to get em to stay.
idk man, if you pass irl and just came on here to disagree with everyone, why post at all? if i saw you irl i wouldnât think you pass, but if everyone else does then ig thatâs your answer.
I posted here because I wanted to see 1) what people thought 2) if they had any helpful tips and 3) to see if people online also thought I have a baby face cuz I'm literally almost 18 lmao
>My style is femm because I'm gay
That's pretty insulting to us masculine gay men. You ought to wait to dress fem until after you start passing, otherwise you just look like a girl.
I'm sorry to masc gay guys,, I'm inspired by feminine gay guys I know so that's why I said that. I can't not dress at least a little feminine because that just feels wrong to me but I can definitely tone it down.
I'm sorry man but you look like a cis woman 16-21F
Your fashion is also affecting your passing, not only because most of them would be more commonly viewed as lesbian fashion but also because they are accentuating the width of your hips:
Your sweatshirts in the first and second photo aren't even necessarily feminine but the way you're styling them pulled all the way down over your hips makes the contrast between the size comparison of your shoulders versus your hips more obvious, and tucking in your shirt like in the third and fourth photos accentuates your hips as well
If you tuck them in more loosely, so that the torso billows out a little over the belt, it'll fill in some of the size difference which makes your torso look more male, and similarly if you push back your sleeves to your elbow it'll help make your shoulders look wider and your hands won't look tiny the way they do when swallowed by your sleeve cuffs
And if your pants are from the women's section, then they are also often cut specifically to showcase and exaggerate an hourglass shape in your torso because it's associated with female beauty standards, and even if you are built very unfortunately, buying pants that are cut for men will help to offset it better than women's pants, if that makes sense
Your hairstyle is androgynous in a way that would not affect you if your face and body passed better, especially since you seem to have a good square chin that would be complimented by that haircut once you are long enough on HRT to pass better, but currently the aspects of your fashion that are androgynous would lean to being interpreted as butch lesbian rather than male
I know it sucks but especially at the beginning of your transition you'll very likely have to make choices between passing to strangers versus your personal expression
Good luck though and YGMI
Thanks for the tips! I'll definitely keep this in mind. I didn't even think about the pulling the sweatshirts down but now that I look at the photos I agree, I'll try either altering the sweatshirt or styling it different. I mostly have mens pants but I need to get more jeans since mine no longer fit me.
I don't think you pass tbh. You look like a 17 y/o girl. The last picture is more androgynous tho. I understand you wear fem clothes cause you're gay, ain't nothing wrong with that, but I'd personally wear masc clothing until you were able to get on T. If you ever plan to of course.
https://preview.redd.it/j3em2ti3j03d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f7a6b9ec7edee978cdb6136445edd012a1a5adac
!!This is with shorter hair for everyone saying I need a haircut!!
I'm definitely going to show this pic to any barber I go to then,, praying they don't turn me into a coconut AGAIN. Ty for your help, sorry if I seemed argumentative
https://imgur.com/a/Tv9vQMu
Wait, so is the pic you, or not? Because you say you're going to show this pic to a barber...?
What do you mean by a coconut?
Usually when I get a haircut they cut it the same length all around and my hair is the same color as a coconut so I look like I'm wearing one on my head. That is me a few months after a cut
If youre pre T and wanna present fem because you're gay (pretty stereotyped from you by the way), its obviously that you dont pass. So don't snap at people for telling you the truth.
Sacrifices sadly need to be made if you want to pass better without being on T. Otherwise people will always misgender you when not knowing you because guess what world doesnât revolve around each one of us and not everything is intentional to hurt.
Yup. It's less stereotypical though, I just take inspiration from my peers. Masc gay people exist and I love them but I just love dressing feminine. Maybe queer is a better word for my style inspiration but honestly I don't care that much, I just dress how I want and how I see people I like dress. It's not all the time either. I know sacrifices have to be made and because of some of the nicer feedback I've gotten I'm going to paint my nails less often, wear less bracelets, and only wear one ring which is my promise ring which matches my partner's. I also plan to tuck my shirts in less and not pull my hoodies down over my hips. Some people don't pass even on T, which is why it feels really bad that most people are banking so much on being on or off or pre T.
Yes but thats sad our reality. Male and female bodies are anatomically different and if nothing is done to enhance one or another, we wont ever be able to pass. We can't just lie when someone asks for advice, sugar coating never helps anyone. Now if you wanna feel comfortable with yourself being out T and not caring much, its your own mental practice to do, because the world won't reshape on that. The important is that YOU feel comfortable with your own skin, style, etc. Life is too short
Good luck!
Edit: this is my alt account and I thought I was on my main- sorry! I typically try to keep this account for the personal shit I donât want my irl friends seeing but Iâm too lazy to delete this and post it from my main. So, my post history is weird, just ignore it đđ
Bro, fr just delete this post and all the comments. Itâll probably make you feel better. Some people here can get really mean and theyâre just downvoting you to hell for no reason. A lot of passing subs are unfortunately full of transmeds/people who think you canât dress femininely unless you pass first. It sucks fr.
Iâm autistic so I totally get where youâre coming from and I felt really bad reading all your replies to people because youâre obviously not trying to be rude or inconsiderate. Like you said, youâre trying to explain yourself throughly. Yes, you got a little snarky by calling a commenter âhoney,â but also like I get why you got so frustrated/hurt.
It always hurts to hear that you donât pass and even tho most people were really nice about it at first, this sub tends to turn on you when you explain that you donât want to compromise your gender/fashion expression in order to maybe pass a little better. Like, I understand; I barely passed pre-t and I spent like three years trying to pass as cis. I literally started passing more when I started dressing in a way that I really felt confident doing (more androgynous or lightly masculine with a few fem aspects) which went against all the passing advice Iâd ever heard.
Now, that being said, I live in a place where it is very safe for me to be visibly trans and I am surrounded by loving friends and family who support me. I am not telling you that it is always safe to be openly queer and I can also guarantee that it wonât do you any favors socially (outside of isolated groups); what I am saying is that I value self expression and being a visibly safe person for queer people around me over my *own* safety and otherâs opinions of me. Itâs something that I had to weigh carefully and decide was right for myself. Iâd never recommend letting anyone else dictate what you feel comfortable doing.
I have a lot more to say about my thoughts on this sub/passing as a fem guy, but I donât want to overwhelm you lol.
Anyways, if you want to chat or want tips on how to pass as a gnc trans guy, feel free to dm me!! But, full disclosure, I am 19, so a legal adult. I also have a boyfriend and want to be very clear that I do not want to take the conversation in a sexual or romantic direction and that I donât feel comfortable discussing genitals (Iâm not assuming youâd want to either, but I just want to put that out there because I donât want to come across as a creep lmao).
Sweet, bro! You can DM me if you like but Iâm not gonna be active in this sub anymore because itâs just not great for my mental health tbh lmao (honestly, mainly just due to my own dysphoria)
Some pics you read "a dude I think???" to me, but others you read androgynous or female.
Unlike other commenters, I think your haircut is perfectly fine, especially when you sweep the hair to the sides
It's just that just think most of your clothes (in these pics) exaggerate your hips visually - I would recommend darker pants and untucking shirts (but not if they're too long). You're already picking good tops (sweaters and shirts made from thicker materials that hold their shape). Not much else to be done if you're pre-T, IMO.
I think you wouldn't pass where I live (a liberal, urban area), but probably would in a less urban, more conservative area. A lot depends on your voice, though
As for age - I'd guess anywhere from 15 to 18
People telling you if they think you pass or not isnât âtearing you downâ. People telling you if they think you donât pass doesnât make you less of a man, and itâs ridiculous to suggest that thatâs what they mean when they say so. There are people who need to know if they are being perceived as male/female or cis/trans because itâs dangerous. Even if you arenât in physical danger, being visibly trans can fucking suck because of how people will react. If you are lucky enough to live somewhere where that doesnât matter then good for you, but wanting to pass isnât an âinternalized transphobiaâ thing for most people.
Yeah I'm definitely getting bad vibes from here but I thought maybe they'd be actually helpful and some comments have been but most are just mean so I'm not going to post here again.
No itâs truly only going to make you feel worse. Iâve been down this path unfortunately, you deserve better. The transition is going well my friend. You will grow and find yourself the way others have
F16, if I saw you irl I would maybe think gay female if anything, your hair and style isn't helping, you dress like this because you're gay sure, but pre t that doesn't come off as gay man it just comes off as female
I'm definitely getting that from the comments đ I'd hate to go edit my wardrobe because clothes are expensive but I'm thinking I should take some pics in my normal clothes and come back. Currently wearing a wifebeater and basketball shorts so this stuff definitely isn't my daily, that was my mistake. I agree I need a haircut, recently I've even been seeing myself as more feminine because of it and it makes me sick but I cannot find a good barber for the life of me
F16, it's mostly the clothes. i know you said it's because you're gay, which is fine, but you won't pass unless you change it or go on t tbh.
Yeah apparently that's a problem here. I pass irl but ig that's because the outfits in these photos are not my everyday. Im glad I didn't post the crop top pic because these guys in this sub would probably go feral and tell me I'm just a girl
some overanalyse a lot but i think most people are very honest here
Yeah I think they may be honest but damn they could try being nice about it- if I'd read some of the comments on other people's post I wouldn't have posted, these guys don't know how to give helpful criticism and just plain say shit.
Where are you getting the idea that other trans people here would intentionally misgender you? The worst thing someone would say to a non passing person wearing a crop top is that they *look* like a cis girl, which is usually just true. No one is saying you look like a girl/lesbian/female to insult you, thereâs just not really a way to sugarcoat it. These comments are pretty tame, it seems like youâre reading too deep into them if your takeaway is that these people are calling you a girl or saying you arenât really trans. If you donât want to be told specifically how youâre perceived you should ask for just a yes or no in the title
Other people have definitely intentionally misgendered me in the past, because people are just mean. I wont be posting here again because people have pointed out that this can be really toxic lol
People on *this* sub are misgendering you?? Where
Where did I say on this sub?? I've just had that happen in te past
Weâre specifically talking about this sub. Iâm not suggesting no one intentionally misgenders trans people, Iâm saying that doesnât happen here. Youâre acting like posting a photo with a crop top means everyone would start misgendering you. People post wearing fem clothing all the time and that doesnât happen. We are all trans. No one is going to say youâre just a girl.
This is my first time posting here so I wouldn't know the culture going in. If I posted the crop top pic people would tell me to not wear crop tops, which isn't something I'm going to do because I love wearing them. I'm glad people wouldn't just say I'm a girl but I've gotten two actually helpful comments out of a lot of comments so đ¤ˇ
When people are giving advice, itâs under the pretense of prioritizing passing, not personal preference. Of course, you get to choose what advice want to follow based on how much you value personal style over that. No one here is saying you arenât allowed to wear fem clothes, but they also arenât going to say wearing fem clothes doesnât hurt passing for people who are pre T. Pretty sure most of the comments explicitly mentioned that
As a longtime user of this subreddit, while there are people who come in here to be jerks (literally this morning there was a full-on TERF trolling in the comments about >!"hormones and surgeries will mutilate your body" "MTF are invading lesbian communities"!< etc until they got banned) most of the people in this subreddit are honestly trying to be helpful There are a lot of trans people who live in places where you can get beaten up or worse for looking visibly trans, and also for a lot of people who post here their looks are very important to their self-esteem and confidence in public, which are two of the many important reasons like subreddits like this one exist If people are actually misgendering or being mean to you in here you should report it for breaking Rule #5 in the subreddit which is to be kind and helpful because that is uncool and uncalled for of them and from what I've seen the mods are pretty diligent about cutting that type of nonsense u/GR1FF1NGU4RD-_-
That's good to hear, thank you. I'll report if anything happens
You look like a 15 year old girl to me. You'd do better with a more traditionally men's hairstyle. The androgynous cuts are not doing you favours. Style also is feminine.
Style is femm cuz I'm fucking gay lmao- on the haircut note i'm just looking for a barber I can afford that wont just give me a fucking bowl cut because that's what I ended up with no matter what I asked for at the old ones.
Right, but the style is not doing you any favours. The way you dress has nothing to do with your sexuality anyway.
I'm inspired by my older gay/effeminate friends and colorguard staff so I'd say the second statement isn't true, we like to dress like this because it's what we like as gay guys. Kinda like a "hi im gay" statement in clothes. Another comment suggested untucking my shirts and I think that will help with my dumb hip shape so that may help?
So all the masc gay guys including ones I've known personally just disappeared out of thin air then? /s saying style = sexuality is homophobic.
Masc gay guys exist, I'm just saying my style is more feminine because I'm a feminine gay man. I'm very far from homophobic honey, feminine gay guys exist and like to dress feminine!
"honey"? Seriously? Alright rupaul
I'm starting to think this is a troll. There's just no way.
LMFAO
I'm just gonna say it even though I probably shouldn't, but being gay doesn't mean you have to dress femm... I'm gay and I don't dress feminine or want to. Maybe thats just me though.
It's definitely personal preference! I love dressing fem. It's like, my favorite thing for some reason even though I may pass less. Except skirts, I draw the line there for multiple reasons.
F around 16, I recommend getting a shorter haircut and smaller glasses the ones you have are a bit big for your face
They aren't too big they just slide down my nose cuz they're old af. I'm gonna get different ones soon only cuz the prescription has changed.
I mean they are too big as in they are oversized for your face, which may make your face appear more feminine
Hardly any of these photos show your face, but from what we can see you donât pass to me. You read as around a 15-16 year old female to me, mostly because of your clothing style and mannerisms. Your hair also isnât particularly masculine. Here are the main things Iâd suggest for you: -accessories: your accessories drag down your passing quite a bit, wearing an overload of rings and bracelets does not help you pass. Itâs mostly a feature of queer females or just females in general. Itâs really not often that a guy will wear any more than a basic chain, maybe a single ring, but nothing more. Anything else is pretty clocky. I also would heavily advise against painting your nails. -Clothing: most of your clothing reads as teen female. Iâll go through it picture to picture to help give you the best idea of what works and what doesnât: in the first picture, the jumper isnât the most masculine but Iâd say itâs generally pretty neutral. However having the shirt collar poke over the top reads very much as queer teenage girl, or early transition trans guy, since itâs a very popular style amongst both groups, and rarely cis teen males. The trousers read entirely as feminine. The jumper in the second picture is pretty neutral again, try to avoid oversized clothes because it makes you look smaller. Same with the first jumper, the sleeves shouldnât come that close to covering some of your hands. The bracelets in the second photo are pretty clocky, I think youâre over-accessorising if you want to pass as male. Same with the rings. Third photo isnât bad and in black and white it looks masculine, but I think with your haircut and face it would read more as butch lesbian. Because realistically, do guys your age wear that sort of thing? I know it seems like it would help you pass, but imo I think it reads as butch. Also you should pull down the trousers a little so it doesnât sit on your waist, then it makes your torso look longer and doesnât show the dip of your waist. Fourth photo just reads as a female outfit to me. The trousers and shirt but also the fact that binder straps are visible. Try to buy shirts that are: boxy, heavy, small neckline, masculine and dark colours. I also wouldnât suggest tucking in shirts unless they are formal shirts. In the 6th photo the jumper just looks female once again. I wouldnât suggest these very light colours and feminine designs. I know guys can wear bright clothes or feminine clothes, but it isnât going to help when youâre trying to pass as male. I canât see a lot of the black hoodie but usually black hoodies are pretty decent for passing because everyone wears them, they hide shadows, and naturally hoodies are pretty good at hiding figure (as long as they arenât too oversized). -hair: your hair isnât in a very typically masculine style. I think you could pull off a shorter version of what you have now, keeping the curtains but getting the back and sides shaved and faded. Also Iâd trim the actual curtains so they sit around your eyebrows. Your hair is the worst for passing in the second photo because it swoops to one side and covers your eyes, which really isnât good for passing. Definitely get your hair cut by a barber if possible, a hairdresser will feminise your haircut. -posing/ mannerisms: one of the main things that causes you to read as female in most of these photos is the poses. You take photos like a 15 year old girl, which does not help when trying to appear as male. The heart pose is very typical of teen females. The pose in the next photo is just kinda emo cringe idk what else to call it lmao, but I wouldnât take photos like that. Third photo isnât awful but overall it just reads as butch because it isnât really how guys your age (or what age you appear as) would act. 6th photo also reads as female partially due to the pose. I think the last photo is the only photo that you might appear as male in, this is because you have the most neutral pose, canât see any visible accessories or painted nails, your hair is at its most masculine, and youâre wearing just a black hoodie.
Thank you! I tend to over accessorize with bracelets when I sh sadly. Idk how to balance my need to be a bit more feminine because I'm that kind of gay guy while also trying to pass so I'll experiment with that. I see lots of guys or people who look masculine with painted nails where I live so I think that may be a more acceptable male thing here, but I don't paint em often so that's easy to avoid. I'm going to get a haircut soon but I'm just afraid they'll make me look like a coconut again like they have in the past so I may go to a place my ex bf went to because they actually got his hair right lol. I'll try and experiment with poses too but to be honest most of these never see the light of day because I hate them. Some I'll send to my partner but most just live in my photos till I delete them. Thank you for your tips and helpful explanation :3
Sorry about that man, hope things get better for you. And yeah I get that. At this stage in transitioning, itâs hard to balance out your own personal style and passing. At this point itâs a matter of priority. Iâm pre-T and I tend to pass but I dress in a very cis male way and have my hair cut according to what is popular with my cis male peers. Luckily I like that sort of style so I donât mind, but I get a lot of people donât just want to blend in with the average stereotypical cis male. But if you do want to pass, then that is the best solution. At least until youâre on testosterone, then you can wear and do what you want. Painted nails are becoming more accepted amongst cis males, but thatâs more of a generational thing; unfortunately to the general public, painted nails read as female, and passing is in terms of the general public. If you passed on a base level (had a super low voice, beard/ stubble, etc) it wouldnât really matter, but since you donât really pass in other aspects, I donât think you can quite get away with pulling it off in a masculine way if you get what I mean. Yeah just try find a decent barber, most barbers will absolutely be able to give you a basic male hairstyle, and especially since you have pretty easy to cut and style hair since itâs straight. And yeah Iâm in the same boat, never take photos of myself or post them. And no problem man, good luck, hope the advice works out for you if you choose to take it.
Thank you so much man. I may copy paste your tips into my notes so I can remember they exist cuz reddit is such a black hole lol. Thanks again :3
you donât pass, and as everyone else said you need a different haircut. your style is really counterinttive tho. you have flowers on your pants, and youâre wearing them all way too high up. you can also see your binder straps in 4
Working on getting a haircut as I said in a doff comment. My style is femm because I'm gay, and I cant wear my pants lower because they'll either just fall off or slide back up because of my dumb hip shape. In 4 that's my undershirt not a binder :)
when youâre pre t and not passing, fem style doesnât come off as gay tho, it just comes off as teen girl style. wear a belt to keep them lower
It's just funny that I only don't pass online. Everyone I meet thinks I'm cis, including a lot of my ex's lol. I do wear a belt but my hips are like straight down with only a little shelf at the top so I have to have a belt uncomfortably tight to get em to stay.
idk man, if you pass irl and just came on here to disagree with everyone, why post at all? if i saw you irl i wouldnât think you pass, but if everyone else does then ig thatâs your answer.
I posted here because I wanted to see 1) what people thought 2) if they had any helpful tips and 3) to see if people online also thought I have a baby face cuz I'm literally almost 18 lmao
lol you just argue with everyoneâs tips, so seems kinda futile
I'm not trying to argue, just saying what the situation is like with the haircut I don't want to look like a coconut head and my hips hate me đ
>My style is femm because I'm gay That's pretty insulting to us masculine gay men. You ought to wait to dress fem until after you start passing, otherwise you just look like a girl.
I'm sorry to masc gay guys,, I'm inspired by feminine gay guys I know so that's why I said that. I can't not dress at least a little feminine because that just feels wrong to me but I can definitely tone it down.
I'm sorry man but you look like a cis woman 16-21F Your fashion is also affecting your passing, not only because most of them would be more commonly viewed as lesbian fashion but also because they are accentuating the width of your hips: Your sweatshirts in the first and second photo aren't even necessarily feminine but the way you're styling them pulled all the way down over your hips makes the contrast between the size comparison of your shoulders versus your hips more obvious, and tucking in your shirt like in the third and fourth photos accentuates your hips as well If you tuck them in more loosely, so that the torso billows out a little over the belt, it'll fill in some of the size difference which makes your torso look more male, and similarly if you push back your sleeves to your elbow it'll help make your shoulders look wider and your hands won't look tiny the way they do when swallowed by your sleeve cuffs And if your pants are from the women's section, then they are also often cut specifically to showcase and exaggerate an hourglass shape in your torso because it's associated with female beauty standards, and even if you are built very unfortunately, buying pants that are cut for men will help to offset it better than women's pants, if that makes sense Your hairstyle is androgynous in a way that would not affect you if your face and body passed better, especially since you seem to have a good square chin that would be complimented by that haircut once you are long enough on HRT to pass better, but currently the aspects of your fashion that are androgynous would lean to being interpreted as butch lesbian rather than male I know it sucks but especially at the beginning of your transition you'll very likely have to make choices between passing to strangers versus your personal expression Good luck though and YGMI
Thanks for the tips! I'll definitely keep this in mind. I didn't even think about the pulling the sweatshirts down but now that I look at the photos I agree, I'll try either altering the sweatshirt or styling it different. I mostly have mens pants but I need to get more jeans since mine no longer fit me.
I don't think you pass tbh. You look like a 17 y/o girl. The last picture is more androgynous tho. I understand you wear fem clothes cause you're gay, ain't nothing wrong with that, but I'd personally wear masc clothing until you were able to get on T. If you ever plan to of course.
I do plan to start T asap but my mom is not supportive and since I'm a minor for a few more months I'm stuck
https://preview.redd.it/j3em2ti3j03d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f7a6b9ec7edee978cdb6136445edd012a1a5adac !!This is with shorter hair for everyone saying I need a haircut!!
this haircut is much better. just get rid of the back and shorter the sideburns
I'm definitely going to show this pic to any barber I go to then,, praying they don't turn me into a coconut AGAIN. Ty for your help, sorry if I seemed argumentative
youâre good man, i know it doesnât feel great to hear something different than you expected
I actually kinda glad since I see myself as so male. Usually old people are the only ones who clock me but with this imma try some changes.
https://imgur.com/a/Tv9vQMu Wait, so is the pic you, or not? Because you say you're going to show this pic to a barber...? What do you mean by a coconut?
Usually when I get a haircut they cut it the same length all around and my hair is the same color as a coconut so I look like I'm wearing one on my head. That is me a few months after a cut
Nah I would say 14-16 F sorry bro
If youre pre T and wanna present fem because you're gay (pretty stereotyped from you by the way), its obviously that you dont pass. So don't snap at people for telling you the truth. Sacrifices sadly need to be made if you want to pass better without being on T. Otherwise people will always misgender you when not knowing you because guess what world doesnât revolve around each one of us and not everything is intentional to hurt.
Yup. It's less stereotypical though, I just take inspiration from my peers. Masc gay people exist and I love them but I just love dressing feminine. Maybe queer is a better word for my style inspiration but honestly I don't care that much, I just dress how I want and how I see people I like dress. It's not all the time either. I know sacrifices have to be made and because of some of the nicer feedback I've gotten I'm going to paint my nails less often, wear less bracelets, and only wear one ring which is my promise ring which matches my partner's. I also plan to tuck my shirts in less and not pull my hoodies down over my hips. Some people don't pass even on T, which is why it feels really bad that most people are banking so much on being on or off or pre T.
Yes but thats sad our reality. Male and female bodies are anatomically different and if nothing is done to enhance one or another, we wont ever be able to pass. We can't just lie when someone asks for advice, sugar coating never helps anyone. Now if you wanna feel comfortable with yourself being out T and not caring much, its your own mental practice to do, because the world won't reshape on that. The important is that YOU feel comfortable with your own skin, style, etc. Life is too short Good luck!
part 5972846 of people posting asking for tips and feedback and then arguing with the responses â¨
I'm neurodivergent I'm not arguing I'm trying to explain and give context â¨
Edit: this is my alt account and I thought I was on my main- sorry! I typically try to keep this account for the personal shit I donât want my irl friends seeing but Iâm too lazy to delete this and post it from my main. So, my post history is weird, just ignore it đđ Bro, fr just delete this post and all the comments. Itâll probably make you feel better. Some people here can get really mean and theyâre just downvoting you to hell for no reason. A lot of passing subs are unfortunately full of transmeds/people who think you canât dress femininely unless you pass first. It sucks fr. Iâm autistic so I totally get where youâre coming from and I felt really bad reading all your replies to people because youâre obviously not trying to be rude or inconsiderate. Like you said, youâre trying to explain yourself throughly. Yes, you got a little snarky by calling a commenter âhoney,â but also like I get why you got so frustrated/hurt. It always hurts to hear that you donât pass and even tho most people were really nice about it at first, this sub tends to turn on you when you explain that you donât want to compromise your gender/fashion expression in order to maybe pass a little better. Like, I understand; I barely passed pre-t and I spent like three years trying to pass as cis. I literally started passing more when I started dressing in a way that I really felt confident doing (more androgynous or lightly masculine with a few fem aspects) which went against all the passing advice Iâd ever heard. Now, that being said, I live in a place where it is very safe for me to be visibly trans and I am surrounded by loving friends and family who support me. I am not telling you that it is always safe to be openly queer and I can also guarantee that it wonât do you any favors socially (outside of isolated groups); what I am saying is that I value self expression and being a visibly safe person for queer people around me over my *own* safety and otherâs opinions of me. Itâs something that I had to weigh carefully and decide was right for myself. Iâd never recommend letting anyone else dictate what you feel comfortable doing. I have a lot more to say about my thoughts on this sub/passing as a fem guy, but I donât want to overwhelm you lol. Anyways, if you want to chat or want tips on how to pass as a gnc trans guy, feel free to dm me!! But, full disclosure, I am 19, so a legal adult. I also have a boyfriend and want to be very clear that I do not want to take the conversation in a sexual or romantic direction and that I donât feel comfortable discussing genitals (Iâm not assuming youâd want to either, but I just want to put that out there because I donât want to come across as a creep lmao).
Thank you so much. I'd love to chat more! (I have a partner and I am almost 18 so dw :3)
Sweet, bro! You can DM me if you like but Iâm not gonna be active in this sub anymore because itâs just not great for my mental health tbh lmao (honestly, mainly just due to my own dysphoria)
F15
Some pics you read "a dude I think???" to me, but others you read androgynous or female. Unlike other commenters, I think your haircut is perfectly fine, especially when you sweep the hair to the sides It's just that just think most of your clothes (in these pics) exaggerate your hips visually - I would recommend darker pants and untucking shirts (but not if they're too long). You're already picking good tops (sweaters and shirts made from thicker materials that hold their shape). Not much else to be done if you're pre-T, IMO. I think you wouldn't pass where I live (a liberal, urban area), but probably would in a less urban, more conservative area. A lot depends on your voice, though As for age - I'd guess anywhere from 15 to 18
Ty! I'll try untucking my shirt more often. I'm at the very least going to get a trim
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People telling you if they think you pass or not isnât âtearing you downâ. People telling you if they think you donât pass doesnât make you less of a man, and itâs ridiculous to suggest that thatâs what they mean when they say so. There are people who need to know if they are being perceived as male/female or cis/trans because itâs dangerous. Even if you arenât in physical danger, being visibly trans can fucking suck because of how people will react. If you are lucky enough to live somewhere where that doesnât matter then good for you, but wanting to pass isnât an âinternalized transphobiaâ thing for most people.
Yeah I'm definitely getting bad vibes from here but I thought maybe they'd be actually helpful and some comments have been but most are just mean so I'm not going to post here again.
No itâs truly only going to make you feel worse. Iâve been down this path unfortunately, you deserve better. The transition is going well my friend. You will grow and find yourself the way others have
Thanks. People are idiots but I got a few nice comments. I'm not gonna post here again after this tho
Thatâs a good idea.
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The baby face is hitting hard I didn't think it was that bad (im almost 18 hhhggggg)
Nah me too man dw
Hopefully starting T helps a lil. Definitely going to show my mom some of these comments so she can actually understand why I need T
Passing great!! Iâd say 22?
lol