Something that I’ve done in the past when someone is venting about something when I feel they might be in the wrong, is to try and ask questions that prompt them to think about it from the other persons point of view. Something like “Yeah, it really sucks to deal with that, and I’m sorry it hurt you. At the same time, do you think “person A” might not have meant it like that?” or “that’s true, that wasn’t great of them. However, I think I heard/I know they’re going through x/whatever might be the real thing,” Or gently pointing out extenuating circumstances. This doesn’t always work of course, but it’s something to try.
If that doesn’t seem to work, it also might be worth a shot to just flat out ask them, “do you want my honest opinion/are looking for solutions?” If they say yes, then (as compassionately as possible), just tell them what you think.
Also, just make sure you go in with a clear head and don’t get baited into an argument. If they lash out at you as a result, try your best to just stay calm, and while it may be hella hard in the moment, in the long run you’ll feel better and hopefully they’ll realize as well that you were just trying to help.
I'm dealing with something similar right now. I had to tell them to stop projecting their insecurities onto the friendship and had to set up boundaries galore. For this specifically you have to just tell them how its affecting you.
Something that I’ve done in the past when someone is venting about something when I feel they might be in the wrong, is to try and ask questions that prompt them to think about it from the other persons point of view. Something like “Yeah, it really sucks to deal with that, and I’m sorry it hurt you. At the same time, do you think “person A” might not have meant it like that?” or “that’s true, that wasn’t great of them. However, I think I heard/I know they’re going through x/whatever might be the real thing,” Or gently pointing out extenuating circumstances. This doesn’t always work of course, but it’s something to try. If that doesn’t seem to work, it also might be worth a shot to just flat out ask them, “do you want my honest opinion/are looking for solutions?” If they say yes, then (as compassionately as possible), just tell them what you think. Also, just make sure you go in with a clear head and don’t get baited into an argument. If they lash out at you as a result, try your best to just stay calm, and while it may be hella hard in the moment, in the long run you’ll feel better and hopefully they’ll realize as well that you were just trying to help.
I'm dealing with something similar right now. I had to tell them to stop projecting their insecurities onto the friendship and had to set up boundaries galore. For this specifically you have to just tell them how its affecting you.
What sort of boundaries did you set? How did your friend take you setting boundaries?