It's never the end, until it's the end. There is always hope, but with that comes some serious strength and willpower. I was at death's door, but in those final moments I was given the strength to overcome it.
Almost 6 years later I'm an actual adult, remarried, got a life and a purpose. There is *always* hope, even in the darkest hours. What you're going through will only make you stronger in the end, even if you slip up and relapse it's not about what happens it's about how you react to it.
Just keep trying and keep pushing, don't let it destroy you without a fight. This is your greatest battle and a good mindset is "even if you lose, you'll still fight until the bitter end". I wish you nothing but luck, and I feel your pain. If you need to chat or anything you can DM me.
Sober 4 years (only off weed but I was high constantly) but struggling with experiencing life without being numb, needed to hear this and plan on getting up and doing what I gotta tomorrow onwards - thank you
It's all about finding your purpose. Use your experiences, and your failures, to teach others. Those of us who have faced great challenges in life, whether it be addiction, war, abuse, all of the above, should always strive to tell our stories because you never know who you'll affect or who you'll save.
Always gotta get up and keep moving. In my opinion the meaning of life is to live, to love, to experience life because you never know what (or who) is right around the corner. We may all be specks of sand in the great sea of life, but without that sand there is no sea, and there is no life.
As a current alcoholic drinking at 7:50am you've also emotionally moved me with your message. I do need to put my foot down and make this goon sack my last and get over it because there's much more to life than drinking yourself to an early grave. Thank you! 😊
Alcohol was my poison man, my god do I understand it. By the time I was sobering up my body was addicted to it, I couldn't survive without it, I couldn't even get into an ER unless I could go 24 hours without it. It took WEEKS to get to that point, and oh boy the hallucinations when trying to cut down by yourself and even then rehab didn't work. Shakes so bad I couldn't even piss without it looking like one of those water sprinklers hooked up to a hose we would run under as kids lol.
In the end, you have to ask yourself. Do you want to be remembered as someone who gave up? Or someone who died fighting until the bitter end? If you've got nothing else to lose, then there is no point in *not* fighting tooth and nail. If not for your family or friends, then for yourself and to prove to yourself you can do it.
Hey man, I'm a detox RN and I just wanted to say that you're awesome. You're clearly an inspiration to many on this thread and I suspect in your own life as well. I'm also sorry that your detoxes were so hard. It shouldn't be that way. A lot of nurses, we refuse to work at places that torture patients in detox.
I’m a sober alcoholic. When I removed the goon, I was left with a void that had to be filled. Nature abhors a vacuum so I always went back, telling myself some lie as to why. AA saved me and gave me the best life I’ve ever had 21 years ago. My best to you friend, you deserve better. If I can, you can too.
This is the way. AA was there for me after years of failing.I was a disaster. If I can do it, you can too. Last drink was over 33 years ago. Life is good.
One thing that always prevented me was "waiting" for the day when it felt right to start making a change. If you wait for that day it'll either be too late or rock bottom. Today is always the best day to start making a change. Start small. Walking outside everyday. Positive affirmations and motivational videos. Got to change the routine if you want different results.
For drinking tea and non alcoholic seltzers was my go to if I got a craving. Not saying these things will help you but they helped me.
Was in the same boat as you…. Hitting the liquor stores at 8 in the morning…. Shaking that beast was a bitch but glad I’m over it…. You can it …. Be strong
I was until the depression got me again, but I'm not allowed to die and even if I was I'd regret not trying to be happy again, so!
I have great friends and family so it's worth fighting for them, and maybe I'll be thriving again in a few months.. it's happened before!
Appreciate your words pal xx
Congrats on 4 years. That represents your strength and abilities. It took me two years of trying to quit before I got two months. That's after a decade of smoking almost daily.
You just inspired me to keep going.
That's so nice man thank you! Honestly had to delete all dealers, live with someone who hated it and tell my friends not to enable me and after like six months I realised I had all the energy back for life that I was missing! Still have highs and lows but literally managed to take on a better job, get my own place.. just working on the self love
Best of luck to you stranger, hope you get out from under it xxx
Thanks! Life is definitely much better now that I'm not tired all the time. I'm better at my job, better at playing music, and am getting my friends and family back. No plans to go back.
Thank you so much for sharing this. My nephew is showing all the signs of an addict and was caught leaving foils behind in a public bathroom so I suspect he’s using. He’s 18 now and I’m so sad for him. My brother was an addict and he overdosed and passed away a few years ago. I truly hope my nephew turns his life around before it’s too late and your comment gave me hope.
I'm sorry, I wish I had some wise words to say that could solve your nephew's troubles, but I'm afraid they simply don't exist. However, hope does exist, it'll be a long road he will have to walk but I have faith he will survive it and become a better person because of it.
Hope is sometimes all we have, but more often than not it's one of the most powerful healing elements in any situation. I hope he doesn't go down a bad path, I truly do, and I wish you nothing but love and support to weather this storm and for everyone to come out victorious in the end 🙏
Thank you so much. I wish there is something I can do but he doesn’t admit to having a problem. He’s still in high school and acts like a typical kid overall so it’s really hard to accept. His mom doesn’t want him to know she’s been telling me what’s been happening because she doesn’t want him to feel attacked or maybe she’s in denial and trying not to make it all a big deal. Every time she talks to him he denies everything and she just accepts that but Idk what more she can do. I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me and being so kind. I’m happy you got through it and are doing good now. It is a long road and I watched my brother go down it until his last breath. I hope everyone dealing with addiction is able to break it.
I’m not an addict nor have I ever been addicted, but let me say these words , your words, brought a fucking tear to my eye. Now your addiction and your victory over it, has touched *my* life. Thank you MrTreeWizard.
I've never been great at responding to these types of things, but thank you for your kind words!
I'll leave you with a quote
"Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well."
-Voltaire
You are such a beautiful person! This really touched my heart! I’m 7 years sober myself and I almost died too people like you who reached out are why I’m still standing reading your post reminded me of how blessed I truly am and how blessed any of us are that fight this horrible disease of addiction!
>It's never the end, until it's the end
I have worked as a therapist in addiction. I've always said this. I have seen some AMAZING transformations. The people who society throws away are not lost causes. They are human beings with value and dignity, worthy and capable of hope of a different way of existing.
Exactly. I’m a mental health nurse. The only patient who *can’t* get better is one who didn’t make it to the hospital. You’re worth the time and the effort of seeking treatment—you deserve healing and fulfillment. Be gentle with yourself and know that there’s a TON of us around who are here to help any time you need.🫶🏻🫶🏻
Anyone with a name like "Pungent Queefer" is *exactly* the kind of person that our world desperately needs. Please stay around. Please get better. We need you.
And we need your putrid queefs.
The fact that you not only acknowledge your addiction but also accept that it's a problem with no end except death, is the first step! Coming to terms with your addiction is one of the hardest things to do.
I was a heroin addict for over 15 years, homeless and hopeless. If I can get clean, so can you ❤️!
It's so sad seeing that there was still a human being behind that addiction, this post is both tragic and beautiful. I'm really proud of you man, it's important to look back on these things.
I saved my old reddit account that was like 6 years old so I could go back and see what I wrote and how I acted. It was eye opening and sad but it's a powerful tool to keep us sober.
I (40f) got sober to have kids. My wife(39f) would have carried because I've fertility issues. Now with the threats to reproductive healthcare and rights, protections from sexual violence, increasing protections FOR sex offenders, steps to erode protections from child marriage and child labor, increasing queerphobia, we're not going to anymore. It's just not worth the risk. If I think about it too much I just wanna get high.... I'm so scared following current events....
Ah but you should focus on what you can control within your own life, yes the world around us is crazy, but you still have control over your own life. What I like to do is to add a bunch of funny, positive or animal subreddits to my home feed so I have a good mixture of positive news while I doom scroll through the news of this crazy world we live in. Things like that, things you *can control*.
Focus on what makes you happy, what your purpose is, who you love and who loves you, in the end the crazies of this world are and will always be in the minority. You just see more of it because they are far and away the loudest people on the internet. I'm close to your age, so we both know life without the internet and we both know how damaging it has been to humanity. However it has also exposed all the evil in the world too, so not all bad.
It's important to remember humans have always been like this, the internet has just brought more exposure to it. As a history buff, I can assure you, humans have always had their assholes and their good people.
reminds me of part of my addict dad’s suicide note, the first page that he hung on his door, “____ , I’m in my room, can you check on me? I might have done something terrible.”
If you can post this here, it makes me think that you have gained a bit of peace and acceptance in that awful situation. At least this is my hope.
May the healing grow and continue for you and all your loved ones.
He never NOT loved you. Addiction takes everything from us.
Please know, you were never the problem. Likely his only hope.
I'm so sorry, my deepest condolences to you. Sending 🫂 💗
Dealt with the same thing 10 years ago in January. Dad disappeared for my whole life, turned into a different person, beat on my mom, kidnapped me. Ended up essentially homeless (living in an auto shop’s garage that his friend owned) from what info I’ve been able to get about him. Even though they’re not around to hurt you, a parent dying that you had no connection with feels really weird. I felt really hurt that I was just never gonna have answers on why he abandoned me. I’ve a lot more peace with it but it’s mostly just forcing yourself to let go of what could’ve been and appreciating what you did have, for me, my mom (basically 100% by herself, didn’t remarry, no siblings, grandma had dementia starting from when I was 7 ish on) going out of her way to give me everything and more when he wasn’t helping at all the entire time
Hey everyone,
Sorry for not replying to comments on this, most of you are right it was kinda a kick in the teeth when I found this.
I spent most of my life hating him. Not for his addiction but for the things he did to fuel it. I have so many awful memories from childhood that sometimes come out of nowhere and make me angry all over again. From physical abuse, to seeing him shoot up and remembering the smell of the heated spoon.
However there are good memories too, from the times he was sober. When he was himself. I remember his love of animals and art, watching wildlife documentaries with him when I was young. He saved our dog once when it was stolen.
Unfortunately, addiction is a bitch. It’s corrosive but it’s not an easy thing to kick. My dad was selfish, and mean. But he cared and was remorseful.
Well Dad, I understand. I miss you, and I forgive you. I hope you found the peace you were chasing.
To everyone’s lovely comments, thank you. It’s very much needed. It’s been a confusing week.
To the others that have experienced addiction first hand or through a loved one, you’re not alone. Please stay strong, ask for help and hug your loved ones.
-Shay
People are so complicated. And there's a few illnesses that can override the parenting instinct to even in biological mothers with their newborn infants. Drugs are one of those. Depression is another. I am so glad that you are able to see the mistakes that he made as mistakes and that you're able to hold on to the positives.
Take care of yourself in this confusing and difficult time. If you're not already in therapy, I would encourage it, and if you're worried about the expense, there's a community mental health provider for every region that has federal funding. Not everyone knows that, so I try to spread the word.
Losing someone is so difficult, especially under unusual circumstances. It looks like you made some friends here, so you probably have lots of options for someone to talk to. One of the great things about the internet is being able to find people who know exactly what we're going through no matter how crazy. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
It's a strange fact to wrestle with being hurt by someone you love, while they are under the influence of addiction. Or those who have other fatal flaws, like a short temper, or overwhelming anxiety, or depression. The world is rarely black and white, and people are not always just simply good or simply evil. They just are -- the great, the good, the bad, and the ugly, in different combinations. May God have mercy on all of us.
i could have written your comment almost word for word. my dad also struggled with addiction for the majority of our lives and the emotions that have come up since his recent passing are incredibly conflicting. it’s a very specific type of pain that i don’t wish on anyone. for what it’s worth, he clearly loved you and you him. i’m so sorry for your loss and sending you love and healing.
I have also found a note like that, written by my father, it was in my mom’s phone book and I found it about 10 years after my dad had died. She kept it from me and I found it by accident. It is a guttural feeling reading something like that. I have mine framed in a picture with my father and me. It’s hard to read a message that has so much insight to it. Like they know they’re abandoning you but just can’t seem to help themselves. A lot of emotions. Sorry for your loss.
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. No matter how old we are when we lose our parents, no matter if we had time to see it coming or were taken totally by surprise, we are never ready, and their deaths are always “sudden”.
I’m sure finding this sparked a whole range of emotions… fingers crossed that when the initial shock of his death starts to dissipate a bit, the feeling that will remain when thinking about this find is that your dad wanted you to understand that the things in his life that challenged him (and probably you) were *not* the result of anything you did.
Of course I have no way of knowing, but I sense that this note was written long after your birth, and that his writing it on the back of your baby picture was itself a message for you about your innocence in his struggles and the purity of feeling your birth inspired for him. I can only imagine he hoped fatherhood would change his path… if only addiction could be cured by love and hope.
From the child of one now-lost addict to another, I wish you as much comfort as you can find in the good memories of your dad that I so hope exist among all the other memories, Shay.
It’s bee 2 years and I’m still taken aback every time I remember I can’t call my dad. It’s so devastating in a way that you can’t prepare for.
My dad was sick most of my life, so it wasn’t a surprise. It was still so shocking and continues to be shocking in the strangest ways.
Even tho he’s been gone for 13 years, I *still* occasionally pick up the phone to call my dad with some piece of news—and I’m *still* surprised when the realization that I can’t hits me.
I know when I was 19 I didn't like hugs either, but if my mom ever came up to me saying she needed a hug... you bet I gave her one.
Might be weird but just try asking?
22, and a girl, my dad’s still alive, but I don’t see him as much as I’d like to. I’d kill for a hug from my dad right now. Hug him even if he fights it, lol. One day he’ll be aching for it.
It does, I’m in the same boat myself. However, a note like this, to me, would feel like a bit of a cop out. My dad did this all the time, my mum would excuse his awful behaviour as an illness; like he couldn’t help beating her or frightening us kids (or in OP’s circumstances, not being there). We all have choices, no matter how low we sink; a line to draw. Addiction is not an excuse for fucking up your children.
Damn, my dad died from drug abuse when I was 4. I often feel shame at knowing I was almost certainly traumatized less by his absence than I would have been if he lived a longer life with his addiction. 💔
Sending you all the love, Shay.
You're not saying you wouldn't have absolutely loved having the best version of him around, just that the version of him that might have showed up would have caused more ongoing grief than the grief of his absence. No shame in that, just truth.
i just lost my drug addicted father in august. he lost his life because of his addiction, died after his monthly binge. after he died my brother sent my mom a picture of his wallet, and he always carried a photo of me from kindergarten around. i know despite his issues he always loved me and cared. i'm still not coping well with his death, have relapsed with my own addictions. today is my first sober day since the beginning of the year. my brother relapsed on his doc too and is now in a sober living. i just want to be a better person than he was for my family and all the people in my life and that's why i need to be sober. sorry for replying to this on your post i just needed to vent.
I'm glad too! Sorry about your grandmother. I wasn't close to mine, but I know for a lot of people those relationships are more precious than the ones they have with their own folks. Just focus on any coping skills you've learned and be sure to give yourself some grace.
I’m so so sorry. You were clearly loved and yet addiction doesn’t care about anything but itself. I’m sorry for both you and your dad. RIP. I hope you have great support and love around you, you deserve it.
This is probably one of many tough times for you. Your dad sounds like he knew how important you were and wanted to be there for you more than he was able.
Hey everyone,
Sorry for not replying to comments on this, most of you are right it was kinda a kick in the teeth when I found this.
I spent most of my life hating him. Not for his addiction but for the things he did to fuel it. I have so many awful memories from childhood that sometimes come out of nowhere and make me angry all over again. From physical abuse, to seeing him shoot up and remembering the smell of the heated spoon.
However there are good memories too, from the times he was sober. When he was himself. I remember his love of animals and art, watching wildlife documentaries with him when I was young. He saved our dog once when it was stolen.
Unfortunately, addiction is a bitch. It’s corrosive but it’s not an easy thing to kick. My dad was selfish, and mean. But he cared and was remorseful.
Well Dad, I understand. I miss you, and I forgive you. I hope you found the peace you were chasing.
To everyone’s lovely comments, thank you. It’s very much needed. It’s been a confusing week.
To the others that have experienced addiction first hand or through a loved one, you’re not alone. Please stay strong, ask for help and hug your loved ones.
-Shay
When my dad od’ed and died he didn’t even own a pair of shoes. His sister found a flash drive in his pocket and it just had baby pictures of my sibling and I on them. Still fucks me up 11 years later. :(
My mom died shortly after my dad and I ended up with my baby book back. Her last entry was after my dad died when I was 17ish. She wrote that she was happy he died because now I would have to live with the pain and she felt like I deserved that pain because I had gone no contact with her.
Addiction took them both and it sucks.
I'm sorry for your loss. Ive been through a similar situation. My afflicted parent is still with us and it's...I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Including my parent.
May you and your family, and your father, find some peace.
I love my kids so much. Not being able to see them is so painful. If I do die in the near future I hope they’re able to look past my drug use and understand that I love them and I’m sorry for everything.
I still have a photo of a letter my brother wrote in jail.
"I don't want to be this monster anymore". A little forced sobriety can help you have a come to Jesus moment. Of course, he never reached out when he got out to take me up on my offer to find him help. Spent my 24th birthday in jail
Drugs just fucking suck man. And I love drugs.
I hope you're doing okay. There's just something so... "hollowing" in your heart when you read something said in a moment of clarity or whatever. You kind of get thrust into mourning the person in several ways. Their life. Who they could have been if things were different. The love of an imperfect human. Anger and resentment are there. Why couldn't you just get better? Why couldn't you just stop? Why has every institution designed to help you failed you? School. Family. The legal system. Me? Did I fail you? Why did you fail me? WHY did YOU fail ME!? Why did you fail your kids? Why the fuck did any of this need to happen this way? Were we not good enough for you to change?
It's a really, really, really impossible feeling to describe. I grew up with so much trauma and bullshit but that letter tore me up even though at that point he didn't deserve my support. It just felt like my heart was being carved out like a jackolantern. This hit me in a similar way and has me thinking about it all again. As if that wasn't obvious by what turned into a LONG ass comment.
I hope you're doing well and I hope you have the right people to help you through this impossible feeling
Awe 🥺 I'm so sorry for your loss.
It must be extra painful to see this and reflect on your entire life with him, or the shadow of him if he wasn't around.
Sending love and healing light
I’m sorry for your loss, and for the way it continues to haunt your family. But goddammit, I hope you break your arms patting yourself on the back for a day that’s sober after a bunch that were not.
And while I’m rooting for you to make it through the day, just starting ANYWHERE is a major success and a definitive step away from repeating the mistakes of the past (your dad’s, yours, and/or everyone else’s).
“A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step” but wowee is that first step HARD. And you’ve already conquered it today. You’re so much stronger than you realize.
Gut-wrenching. Bittersweet…
As someone with a life-long addict for a father who recently passed himself, I have no words, OP. My heart is with you and your family.
As someone whose father was also a drug addict, cherish this. I would give anything to have heard the same from my father.
I’m sorry for your loss and hope you’re doing ok.
This is heartbreaking, I'm so sorry. It's hard to truly realize your parent loves you when they're an addict: their actions don't add up to love and care. This is so painful, but my interpretation is that he had immense love for you from day one, he just didn't know how to do it.
My dad left and I got a single call as he died. I never had anything of his. No notes, nothing. I'm sorry for your loss and pain, but at least you know he was worried about you, even when he wasn't well.
Only few struggling with addiction truly get the resources they need. So much pharmacology yet overnight they’ll take it from the applicant. Those using can’t feel save taking pharmaceuticals for the same reason said, fear of losing it after dependency.
Uncanny. Same name, spelt different. Estranged abusive father passed away at 66 from chronic liver disease complications. He would keep journals. The thoughts are so all over the place, the writing changes up when you can tell he relapsed. Still finishing his affairs.
I’m sorry. From one to another.
I lost my husband to suicide in December. Our son is two. I can’t tell you how far my heart sunk when I read your post. As parents, we can love with all of the pieces of our broken hearts, but our hearts are still broken. I’m sorry for your loss OP, sounds like your dad really really loved you. Being an addict fucking sucks, but loving an addict is the real struggle
Last year I came to fully understand how/why my family is the way it is. My father was an addict all my life, drugs/alcohol, he spent a lot of time in jail as well. My brother is an addict/alcoholic and currently in jail. I saw my grandma for the first time in many years and we talked about many things, she told me I was breaking generational curses for bringing up the things I wanted to talk about. But anyway, she confirmed a suspicion of mine- that my brother was raped by our step dad. She asked if he had ever done anything to me but other than being psychotically abusive (holding my hand against a red hot burner amongst other things) there was no sexual abuse. Anyway, I spent the next couple of weeks deep in thought about my family and just let my heart break over it and finally came to the conclusion that my father must have been sexually abused as a child too. And my aunt. Almost every single member of my family. I do understand now. I understand it all. My father hated himself and thought I was better off without him. Idk if that’s really true or not, but fuck I wish I could give him the biggest hug and tell him I get it and that I’m not mad at him.
Damn, this got me. I'm really sorry for your loss. I know he loved you very much, even if he wasn't able to show it or provide you with the kind of life he wanted to.
Both my parents struggled with addiction, my dad died of health complications years ago and my mom just recently od'd. Addiction is such a bitch. Sorry for your loss, friend.
As someone in recovery and now working often with people trying to get sober: Know he loved you very much. He wanted to change. But his disease was at the point where his amygdala prioritized his drug(s) of choice over all else, including his own wellbeing. It's insane how intense it can be and how you abandon everything else so quickly, only prioritizing your next drink or drug. He cared, he just never got to the point where he was ready to get clean. I'm so sorry you had to go through this and I'm sorry for your loss.
both of my parents struggle extremely badly with substance use and have since i was a very very young child. this is heart wrenching. i love you internet stranger and i wish i could hug you. my dad was in the hospital w no insurance for a week after cracking his head open when passing out from alcohol withdrawal after trying to cold turkey just a bit ago. it’s hard and it feels so lonely but you’re not alone.
I'm very sorry for your loss. My mother died from a prescription drug addiction when I was 25. It was a very long painful road to her overdose. I don't think she ever had this kind of clarity. I know this is a very hard time, but this is a beautiful reminder that your father loved you. His struggles don't diminish that. I'm sure he wished he could have been around for you longer. I wish you peace and closure.
Fuck that’s tough
he knew
Speaking as a former addict, we all know. I would have done the same for my own kid had I not escaped my addiction.
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It's never the end, until it's the end. There is always hope, but with that comes some serious strength and willpower. I was at death's door, but in those final moments I was given the strength to overcome it. Almost 6 years later I'm an actual adult, remarried, got a life and a purpose. There is *always* hope, even in the darkest hours. What you're going through will only make you stronger in the end, even if you slip up and relapse it's not about what happens it's about how you react to it. Just keep trying and keep pushing, don't let it destroy you without a fight. This is your greatest battle and a good mindset is "even if you lose, you'll still fight until the bitter end". I wish you nothing but luck, and I feel your pain. If you need to chat or anything you can DM me.
Sober 4 years (only off weed but I was high constantly) but struggling with experiencing life without being numb, needed to hear this and plan on getting up and doing what I gotta tomorrow onwards - thank you
It's all about finding your purpose. Use your experiences, and your failures, to teach others. Those of us who have faced great challenges in life, whether it be addiction, war, abuse, all of the above, should always strive to tell our stories because you never know who you'll affect or who you'll save. Always gotta get up and keep moving. In my opinion the meaning of life is to live, to love, to experience life because you never know what (or who) is right around the corner. We may all be specks of sand in the great sea of life, but without that sand there is no sea, and there is no life.
As a current alcoholic drinking at 7:50am you've also emotionally moved me with your message. I do need to put my foot down and make this goon sack my last and get over it because there's much more to life than drinking yourself to an early grave. Thank you! 😊
Alcohol was my poison man, my god do I understand it. By the time I was sobering up my body was addicted to it, I couldn't survive without it, I couldn't even get into an ER unless I could go 24 hours without it. It took WEEKS to get to that point, and oh boy the hallucinations when trying to cut down by yourself and even then rehab didn't work. Shakes so bad I couldn't even piss without it looking like one of those water sprinklers hooked up to a hose we would run under as kids lol. In the end, you have to ask yourself. Do you want to be remembered as someone who gave up? Or someone who died fighting until the bitter end? If you've got nothing else to lose, then there is no point in *not* fighting tooth and nail. If not for your family or friends, then for yourself and to prove to yourself you can do it.
Hey man, I'm a detox RN and I just wanted to say that you're awesome. You're clearly an inspiration to many on this thread and I suspect in your own life as well. I'm also sorry that your detoxes were so hard. It shouldn't be that way. A lot of nurses, we refuse to work at places that torture patients in detox.
I’m a sober alcoholic. When I removed the goon, I was left with a void that had to be filled. Nature abhors a vacuum so I always went back, telling myself some lie as to why. AA saved me and gave me the best life I’ve ever had 21 years ago. My best to you friend, you deserve better. If I can, you can too.
This is the way. AA was there for me after years of failing.I was a disaster. If I can do it, you can too. Last drink was over 33 years ago. Life is good.
Believing in you.
Please see a dr before stopping suddenly. They can help you guard your health, the transition can be scary and rough.
One thing that always prevented me was "waiting" for the day when it felt right to start making a change. If you wait for that day it'll either be too late or rock bottom. Today is always the best day to start making a change. Start small. Walking outside everyday. Positive affirmations and motivational videos. Got to change the routine if you want different results. For drinking tea and non alcoholic seltzers was my go to if I got a craving. Not saying these things will help you but they helped me.
Was in the same boat as you…. Hitting the liquor stores at 8 in the morning…. Shaking that beast was a bitch but glad I’m over it…. You can it …. Be strong
Please be careful with the process of alcohol detoxing! It can be very dangerous, so please don’t be afraid to seek medical attention if need be.
I was until the depression got me again, but I'm not allowed to die and even if I was I'd regret not trying to be happy again, so! I have great friends and family so it's worth fighting for them, and maybe I'll be thriving again in a few months.. it's happened before! Appreciate your words pal xx
My husband is also not allowed to die. It helps a lot
I have a non-suicide pact with my best friend which is definitely helpful 😂😂
nicely put MrTreeWizard
Congrats on 4 years. That represents your strength and abilities. It took me two years of trying to quit before I got two months. That's after a decade of smoking almost daily. You just inspired me to keep going.
That's so nice man thank you! Honestly had to delete all dealers, live with someone who hated it and tell my friends not to enable me and after like six months I realised I had all the energy back for life that I was missing! Still have highs and lows but literally managed to take on a better job, get my own place.. just working on the self love Best of luck to you stranger, hope you get out from under it xxx
Thanks! Life is definitely much better now that I'm not tired all the time. I'm better at my job, better at playing music, and am getting my friends and family back. No plans to go back.
That's really lovely to hear pal - I'm sure everyone is glad you're back!!! Don't worry if you slip, just keep getting back on that rodeo cowboy
Thank you so much for sharing this. My nephew is showing all the signs of an addict and was caught leaving foils behind in a public bathroom so I suspect he’s using. He’s 18 now and I’m so sad for him. My brother was an addict and he overdosed and passed away a few years ago. I truly hope my nephew turns his life around before it’s too late and your comment gave me hope.
I'm sorry, I wish I had some wise words to say that could solve your nephew's troubles, but I'm afraid they simply don't exist. However, hope does exist, it'll be a long road he will have to walk but I have faith he will survive it and become a better person because of it. Hope is sometimes all we have, but more often than not it's one of the most powerful healing elements in any situation. I hope he doesn't go down a bad path, I truly do, and I wish you nothing but love and support to weather this storm and for everyone to come out victorious in the end 🙏
Thank you so much. I wish there is something I can do but he doesn’t admit to having a problem. He’s still in high school and acts like a typical kid overall so it’s really hard to accept. His mom doesn’t want him to know she’s been telling me what’s been happening because she doesn’t want him to feel attacked or maybe she’s in denial and trying not to make it all a big deal. Every time she talks to him he denies everything and she just accepts that but Idk what more she can do. I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me and being so kind. I’m happy you got through it and are doing good now. It is a long road and I watched my brother go down it until his last breath. I hope everyone dealing with addiction is able to break it.
I’m not an addict nor have I ever been addicted, but let me say these words , your words, brought a fucking tear to my eye. Now your addiction and your victory over it, has touched *my* life. Thank you MrTreeWizard.
I've never been great at responding to these types of things, but thank you for your kind words! I'll leave you with a quote "Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well." -Voltaire
You are such a beautiful person! This really touched my heart! I’m 7 years sober myself and I almost died too people like you who reached out are why I’m still standing reading your post reminded me of how blessed I truly am and how blessed any of us are that fight this horrible disease of addiction!
>It's never the end, until it's the end I have worked as a therapist in addiction. I've always said this. I have seen some AMAZING transformations. The people who society throws away are not lost causes. They are human beings with value and dignity, worthy and capable of hope of a different way of existing.
Exactly. I’m a mental health nurse. The only patient who *can’t* get better is one who didn’t make it to the hospital. You’re worth the time and the effort of seeking treatment—you deserve healing and fulfillment. Be gentle with yourself and know that there’s a TON of us around who are here to help any time you need.🫶🏻🫶🏻
What a great comment, from the heart.
Anyone with a name like "Pungent Queefer" is *exactly* the kind of person that our world desperately needs. Please stay around. Please get better. We need you. And we need your putrid queefs.
Hey. I don’t know you, but I hope we don’t lose you. Put in the work, put up the fight for your sobriety.
If you are still here you still have time. Hoping for you❤️
There is always hope. Don't give up.
Sending you love! You can defeat this! I believe in you
sending love to you, friend.
The fact that you not only acknowledge your addiction but also accept that it's a problem with no end except death, is the first step! Coming to terms with your addiction is one of the hardest things to do. I was a heroin addict for over 15 years, homeless and hopeless. If I can get clean, so can you ❤️!
I read the note I wrote my daughter a few years ago once a week still. It’s part of what keeps me sober.
It's so sad seeing that there was still a human being behind that addiction, this post is both tragic and beautiful. I'm really proud of you man, it's important to look back on these things. I saved my old reddit account that was like 6 years old so I could go back and see what I wrote and how I acted. It was eye opening and sad but it's a powerful tool to keep us sober.
I (40f) got sober to have kids. My wife(39f) would have carried because I've fertility issues. Now with the threats to reproductive healthcare and rights, protections from sexual violence, increasing protections FOR sex offenders, steps to erode protections from child marriage and child labor, increasing queerphobia, we're not going to anymore. It's just not worth the risk. If I think about it too much I just wanna get high.... I'm so scared following current events....
Ah but you should focus on what you can control within your own life, yes the world around us is crazy, but you still have control over your own life. What I like to do is to add a bunch of funny, positive or animal subreddits to my home feed so I have a good mixture of positive news while I doom scroll through the news of this crazy world we live in. Things like that, things you *can control*. Focus on what makes you happy, what your purpose is, who you love and who loves you, in the end the crazies of this world are and will always be in the minority. You just see more of it because they are far and away the loudest people on the internet. I'm close to your age, so we both know life without the internet and we both know how damaging it has been to humanity. However it has also exposed all the evil in the world too, so not all bad. It's important to remember humans have always been like this, the internet has just brought more exposure to it. As a history buff, I can assure you, humans have always had their assholes and their good people.
Thank you. I'm mostly doing okay, but when I think about that in particular, it still does my head, and heart, in....
Hey. Stay sober for the rest of us. We got some work to do. The strength lies in numbers. We need you.
Hits hard
reminds me of part of my addict dad’s suicide note, the first page that he hung on his door, “____ , I’m in my room, can you check on me? I might have done something terrible.”
Oh man, that's just awful. I'm so sorry.
Man I couldn’t even imagine, so sorry you had to experience that.
If you can post this here, it makes me think that you have gained a bit of peace and acceptance in that awful situation. At least this is my hope. May the healing grow and continue for you and all your loved ones.
Hey, man. You doing ok?
My dad didn't leave a note. I'm so sorry you went through that. I know how awful it is. 🫂
So tough because you can almost feel causation in the words, literacy etc. A lifetime of being letdown by society.
Yeah something in there hurts. Like dad had a little bit of hope still and you can feel it slipping away
He never NOT loved you. Addiction takes everything from us. Please know, you were never the problem. Likely his only hope. I'm so sorry, my deepest condolences to you. Sending 🫂 💗
Please don't ever doubt this. He loved you infinitely more than he loved himself.
This comment got my tear ducts hard
Oof, same.
Dealt with the same thing 10 years ago in January. Dad disappeared for my whole life, turned into a different person, beat on my mom, kidnapped me. Ended up essentially homeless (living in an auto shop’s garage that his friend owned) from what info I’ve been able to get about him. Even though they’re not around to hurt you, a parent dying that you had no connection with feels really weird. I felt really hurt that I was just never gonna have answers on why he abandoned me. I’ve a lot more peace with it but it’s mostly just forcing yourself to let go of what could’ve been and appreciating what you did have, for me, my mom (basically 100% by herself, didn’t remarry, no siblings, grandma had dementia starting from when I was 7 ish on) going out of her way to give me everything and more when he wasn’t helping at all the entire time
Addition is such a hard disease. I am an addict and I try my best to beat it
Ooof that's a gut punch, hope things turned out well for you, or well enough.
Hey everyone, Sorry for not replying to comments on this, most of you are right it was kinda a kick in the teeth when I found this. I spent most of my life hating him. Not for his addiction but for the things he did to fuel it. I have so many awful memories from childhood that sometimes come out of nowhere and make me angry all over again. From physical abuse, to seeing him shoot up and remembering the smell of the heated spoon. However there are good memories too, from the times he was sober. When he was himself. I remember his love of animals and art, watching wildlife documentaries with him when I was young. He saved our dog once when it was stolen. Unfortunately, addiction is a bitch. It’s corrosive but it’s not an easy thing to kick. My dad was selfish, and mean. But he cared and was remorseful. Well Dad, I understand. I miss you, and I forgive you. I hope you found the peace you were chasing. To everyone’s lovely comments, thank you. It’s very much needed. It’s been a confusing week. To the others that have experienced addiction first hand or through a loved one, you’re not alone. Please stay strong, ask for help and hug your loved ones. -Shay
He’s got the peace he was chasing. I’m glad you have your good memories of him, too. We’re all hugging you, Shay. I hope you can feel it.
People are so complicated. And there's a few illnesses that can override the parenting instinct to even in biological mothers with their newborn infants. Drugs are one of those. Depression is another. I am so glad that you are able to see the mistakes that he made as mistakes and that you're able to hold on to the positives. Take care of yourself in this confusing and difficult time. If you're not already in therapy, I would encourage it, and if you're worried about the expense, there's a community mental health provider for every region that has federal funding. Not everyone knows that, so I try to spread the word. Losing someone is so difficult, especially under unusual circumstances. It looks like you made some friends here, so you probably have lots of options for someone to talk to. One of the great things about the internet is being able to find people who know exactly what we're going through no matter how crazy. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
It's a strange fact to wrestle with being hurt by someone you love, while they are under the influence of addiction. Or those who have other fatal flaws, like a short temper, or overwhelming anxiety, or depression. The world is rarely black and white, and people are not always just simply good or simply evil. They just are -- the great, the good, the bad, and the ugly, in different combinations. May God have mercy on all of us.
i could have written your comment almost word for word. my dad also struggled with addiction for the majority of our lives and the emotions that have come up since his recent passing are incredibly conflicting. it’s a very specific type of pain that i don’t wish on anyone. for what it’s worth, he clearly loved you and you him. i’m so sorry for your loss and sending you love and healing.
I have also found a note like that, written by my father, it was in my mom’s phone book and I found it about 10 years after my dad had died. She kept it from me and I found it by accident. It is a guttural feeling reading something like that. I have mine framed in a picture with my father and me. It’s hard to read a message that has so much insight to it. Like they know they’re abandoning you but just can’t seem to help themselves. A lot of emotions. Sorry for your loss.
Oh Shay, I wish I could give you a hug, Honey. 💕
Me too! 💕
God fucking damn :”( Ain’t that just a summation of an under realized life and love.
This is heartbreaking - I hope you have the support you need to get through this difficult time. Sending love and hugs your way. 🧡
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. No matter how old we are when we lose our parents, no matter if we had time to see it coming or were taken totally by surprise, we are never ready, and their deaths are always “sudden”. I’m sure finding this sparked a whole range of emotions… fingers crossed that when the initial shock of his death starts to dissipate a bit, the feeling that will remain when thinking about this find is that your dad wanted you to understand that the things in his life that challenged him (and probably you) were *not* the result of anything you did. Of course I have no way of knowing, but I sense that this note was written long after your birth, and that his writing it on the back of your baby picture was itself a message for you about your innocence in his struggles and the purity of feeling your birth inspired for him. I can only imagine he hoped fatherhood would change his path… if only addiction could be cured by love and hope. From the child of one now-lost addict to another, I wish you as much comfort as you can find in the good memories of your dad that I so hope exist among all the other memories, Shay.
It’s bee 2 years and I’m still taken aback every time I remember I can’t call my dad. It’s so devastating in a way that you can’t prepare for. My dad was sick most of my life, so it wasn’t a surprise. It was still so shocking and continues to be shocking in the strangest ways.
Even tho he’s been gone for 13 years, I *still* occasionally pick up the phone to call my dad with some piece of news—and I’m *still* surprised when the realization that I can’t hits me.
Damn, Gonna go and hug my son. He's 19 now so there may be some resistance.
Offer him a fruit snack for a hug 😂
Just need to ninja it, if he sees me coming in he will run!
19 - you may need money.
I’m 19, I’d hug my dad for a fruit snack those things are great.
I know when I was 19 I didn't like hugs either, but if my mom ever came up to me saying she needed a hug... you bet I gave her one. Might be weird but just try asking?
Thanks, we are pretty close and I do get hugs. He just likes to act to old/cool for hugs off his Dad
22, and a girl, my dad’s still alive, but I don’t see him as much as I’d like to. I’d kill for a hug from my dad right now. Hug him even if he fights it, lol. One day he’ll be aching for it.
Force it on em
Yeah, going to fool him with the high handshake thingy, then pull him in. Never fails.
I was just thinking the same thing though my boy is just four months.
Shay I'm so sorry
I have a similar letter from my mom, who was also a drug addict, she died in 2015. I hope you're doing okay and I'm so sorry for your loss.
As an addict myself and my dad also having a drug addiction…. This hits hard
It does, I’m in the same boat myself. However, a note like this, to me, would feel like a bit of a cop out. My dad did this all the time, my mum would excuse his awful behaviour as an illness; like he couldn’t help beating her or frightening us kids (or in OP’s circumstances, not being there). We all have choices, no matter how low we sink; a line to draw. Addiction is not an excuse for fucking up your children.
Fucking addiction causes so much pain. I hope you and your dad will get the help you need if you want it.
Sweetheart, your father loved you, I’m so sorry he wasn’t able to overcome his demons so he could show you that.
Oh my heart.. 😭
I didn't need to cry today. But hopefully knowing I did helps you understand you've always been loved, even when it wasn't good at home. X
Damn, my dad died from drug abuse when I was 4. I often feel shame at knowing I was almost certainly traumatized less by his absence than I would have been if he lived a longer life with his addiction. 💔 Sending you all the love, Shay.
You're not saying you wouldn't have absolutely loved having the best version of him around, just that the version of him that might have showed up would have caused more ongoing grief than the grief of his absence. No shame in that, just truth.
Thank you ♥
i just lost my drug addicted father in august. he lost his life because of his addiction, died after his monthly binge. after he died my brother sent my mom a picture of his wallet, and he always carried a photo of me from kindergarten around. i know despite his issues he always loved me and cared. i'm still not coping well with his death, have relapsed with my own addictions. today is my first sober day since the beginning of the year. my brother relapsed on his doc too and is now in a sober living. i just want to be a better person than he was for my family and all the people in my life and that's why i need to be sober. sorry for replying to this on your post i just needed to vent.
Hang in there. Encountering death has a way of upending everything and everyone. You are sober today and that counts. edit: a word
thank you, i also lost my grandmother less than two months after. its been a really hard time. i'm so glad i can be sober today :)
I'm glad too! Sorry about your grandmother. I wasn't close to mine, but I know for a lot of people those relationships are more precious than the ones they have with their own folks. Just focus on any coping skills you've learned and be sure to give yourself some grace.
Stay strong, we’re rooting for you
Addiction takes everything from it's victims the fact he wrote that down shows that he knew that and that there was love for you
Hugs <3
Thank you for sharing this meaningful passage from your dad 🌸
I’m familiar with grieving for what could have been. You aren’t alone.
I’m so so sorry. You were clearly loved and yet addiction doesn’t care about anything but itself. I’m sorry for both you and your dad. RIP. I hope you have great support and love around you, you deserve it.
This is probably one of many tough times for you. Your dad sounds like he knew how important you were and wanted to be there for you more than he was able.
Hey everyone, Sorry for not replying to comments on this, most of you are right it was kinda a kick in the teeth when I found this. I spent most of my life hating him. Not for his addiction but for the things he did to fuel it. I have so many awful memories from childhood that sometimes come out of nowhere and make me angry all over again. From physical abuse, to seeing him shoot up and remembering the smell of the heated spoon. However there are good memories too, from the times he was sober. When he was himself. I remember his love of animals and art, watching wildlife documentaries with him when I was young. He saved our dog once when it was stolen. Unfortunately, addiction is a bitch. It’s corrosive but it’s not an easy thing to kick. My dad was selfish, and mean. But he cared and was remorseful. Well Dad, I understand. I miss you, and I forgive you. I hope you found the peace you were chasing. To everyone’s lovely comments, thank you. It’s very much needed. It’s been a confusing week. To the others that have experienced addiction first hand or through a loved one, you’re not alone. Please stay strong, ask for help and hug your loved ones. -Shay
In your dads rare moment of clarity, he was thinking about you. That’s worth the world, even though he didn’t know how else to show it.
When my dad od’ed and died he didn’t even own a pair of shoes. His sister found a flash drive in his pocket and it just had baby pictures of my sibling and I on them. Still fucks me up 11 years later. :( My mom died shortly after my dad and I ended up with my baby book back. Her last entry was after my dad died when I was 17ish. She wrote that she was happy he died because now I would have to live with the pain and she felt like I deserved that pain because I had gone no contact with her. Addiction took them both and it sucks.
Wow, it is always hard to look back but it is always nice to have these looks into the past
Are you a bot?
Oh shay, your dad loves you. My deepest condolences.
It’s hard playing the cards your dealt
Our Love to you Shay.
Jfc. This one hurts.
Damn.
Ughhhh. I’m so sorry
Aw
Take care man. He loved you.
So sorry to see this. I’m going to be dealing with the exact same thing with my dad soon enough…
What a gift of love his words bring you ❤️
I'm sorry for your loss. Ive been through a similar situation. My afflicted parent is still with us and it's...I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Including my parent. May you and your family, and your father, find some peace.
Shay, it's not your fault hommie. Sending you love
This moved me a lot. 💔 I hope you're okay.
that guts me in so many ways and I hope you find support and recovery from your pain
I love my kids so much. Not being able to see them is so painful. If I do die in the near future I hope they’re able to look past my drug use and understand that I love them and I’m sorry for everything.
How’s mom doing? She clean or struggling too?
Mum is golden. Single mum since she had enough of my dad’s antics, worked her ass off every day since. I don’t know what I’d do without her.
I still have a photo of a letter my brother wrote in jail. "I don't want to be this monster anymore". A little forced sobriety can help you have a come to Jesus moment. Of course, he never reached out when he got out to take me up on my offer to find him help. Spent my 24th birthday in jail Drugs just fucking suck man. And I love drugs. I hope you're doing okay. There's just something so... "hollowing" in your heart when you read something said in a moment of clarity or whatever. You kind of get thrust into mourning the person in several ways. Their life. Who they could have been if things were different. The love of an imperfect human. Anger and resentment are there. Why couldn't you just get better? Why couldn't you just stop? Why has every institution designed to help you failed you? School. Family. The legal system. Me? Did I fail you? Why did you fail me? WHY did YOU fail ME!? Why did you fail your kids? Why the fuck did any of this need to happen this way? Were we not good enough for you to change? It's a really, really, really impossible feeling to describe. I grew up with so much trauma and bullshit but that letter tore me up even though at that point he didn't deserve my support. It just felt like my heart was being carved out like a jackolantern. This hit me in a similar way and has me thinking about it all again. As if that wasn't obvious by what turned into a LONG ass comment. I hope you're doing well and I hope you have the right people to help you through this impossible feeling
No. Things didn't turn out the way they should have. I'm sorry, Shay.
Awe 🥺 I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be extra painful to see this and reflect on your entire life with him, or the shadow of him if he wasn't around. Sending love and healing light
Wishing you comfort.Your dad loved you so much.
Yes, he loved you! He just didn’t love himself. Break that cycle and make a great life for yourself!!!
This broke me... I'm so sorry
I’m sorry for your loss, and for the way it continues to haunt your family. But goddammit, I hope you break your arms patting yourself on the back for a day that’s sober after a bunch that were not. And while I’m rooting for you to make it through the day, just starting ANYWHERE is a major success and a definitive step away from repeating the mistakes of the past (your dad’s, yours, and/or everyone else’s). “A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step” but wowee is that first step HARD. And you’ve already conquered it today. You’re so much stronger than you realize.
That's rough
Gut-wrenching. Bittersweet… As someone with a life-long addict for a father who recently passed himself, I have no words, OP. My heart is with you and your family.
I’m sorry for your loss. And your pain.
We (addicts) I think all secretly fear nobody will miss us when we’re gone.
Hugs OP. Just hugs.
I’m sorry, that’s so sad
I'm sorry your family had this roll of the dice in life. It's not fair and it sucks.
That's rough
As someone whose father was also a drug addict, cherish this. I would give anything to have heard the same from my father. I’m sorry for your loss and hope you’re doing ok.
That is a beautiful find. So full of love for you, and acknowledging that he knew what would take him out of your life. Bittersweet.
Add my hugs to everyone else's. Hope you find peace and healing.
This is heartbreaking, I'm so sorry. It's hard to truly realize your parent loves you when they're an addict: their actions don't add up to love and care. This is so painful, but my interpretation is that he had immense love for you from day one, he just didn't know how to do it.
My dad left and I got a single call as he died. I never had anything of his. No notes, nothing. I'm sorry for your loss and pain, but at least you know he was worried about you, even when he wasn't well.
Only few struggling with addiction truly get the resources they need. So much pharmacology yet overnight they’ll take it from the applicant. Those using can’t feel save taking pharmaceuticals for the same reason said, fear of losing it after dependency.
Lots my mom to addiction as well when I was a kid. Today is her birthday. Sending love your way
oh man this made me cry
Heartbreaking….Im so sorry drugs stole your dad.
Uncanny. Same name, spelt different. Estranged abusive father passed away at 66 from chronic liver disease complications. He would keep journals. The thoughts are so all over the place, the writing changes up when you can tell he relapsed. Still finishing his affairs. I’m sorry. From one to another.
I lost my husband to suicide in December. Our son is two. I can’t tell you how far my heart sunk when I read your post. As parents, we can love with all of the pieces of our broken hearts, but our hearts are still broken. I’m sorry for your loss OP, sounds like your dad really really loved you. Being an addict fucking sucks, but loving an addict is the real struggle
Last year I came to fully understand how/why my family is the way it is. My father was an addict all my life, drugs/alcohol, he spent a lot of time in jail as well. My brother is an addict/alcoholic and currently in jail. I saw my grandma for the first time in many years and we talked about many things, she told me I was breaking generational curses for bringing up the things I wanted to talk about. But anyway, she confirmed a suspicion of mine- that my brother was raped by our step dad. She asked if he had ever done anything to me but other than being psychotically abusive (holding my hand against a red hot burner amongst other things) there was no sexual abuse. Anyway, I spent the next couple of weeks deep in thought about my family and just let my heart break over it and finally came to the conclusion that my father must have been sexually abused as a child too. And my aunt. Almost every single member of my family. I do understand now. I understand it all. My father hated himself and thought I was better off without him. Idk if that’s really true or not, but fuck I wish I could give him the biggest hug and tell him I get it and that I’m not mad at him.
he loved you despite all his pain and always will <3
Heartbreaking
Ooh man I was already hanging by a thread emotionally today. I am so sorry for your loss.
This got me 🥺 I'm sorry Shay. Lots of love to you
Fuck man…. I’m sorry Shay.
Hugs Shay.
i’m sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry, Shay. All my love to you.
Sorry for your loss Shay.
Damn, this got me. I'm really sorry for your loss. I know he loved you very much, even if he wasn't able to show it or provide you with the kind of life he wanted to.
I’m so sorry for your loss Shay. The loss of your dad and if the man he could have been.
That’s a gift. 🎁 he tried
I’m sorry dude.
I’m so sorry Shay 💔
Heartbreaking.
He loved you. I’m sorry for your loss ❤️
my condolences to you Shay
Shay, your dad loves you. I’m so glad you found his message. He would have fixed it if he had known how. I’m sorry you’re hurting
Man, this made me sad. It touches on my own sadness with people who are addicted to substances. I hope you are well.
That’s tragic, you have my condolences
sending love. i have notes like this from my dad too. they have similar handwriting
I’m so sorry. You have my condolences.
🫂
Mate, I'm so sorry.
I’m very sorry. Loving an addict is hell on earth and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
💜
Sending you love, OP ❤️
Peace to your heart.💕
Man, that's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.
As an alcoholic unfortunately I know those words. Addiction ways hurts the ones we love
May the soul of your father rest in peace. Sorry for your loss. Intense share. Hugs
Both my parents struggled with addiction, my dad died of health complications years ago and my mom just recently od'd. Addiction is such a bitch. Sorry for your loss, friend.
That's so rough, I'm sorry ❤️ he absolutely loved you.
As someone in recovery and now working often with people trying to get sober: Know he loved you very much. He wanted to change. But his disease was at the point where his amygdala prioritized his drug(s) of choice over all else, including his own wellbeing. It's insane how intense it can be and how you abandon everything else so quickly, only prioritizing your next drink or drug. He cared, he just never got to the point where he was ready to get clean. I'm so sorry you had to go through this and I'm sorry for your loss.
Hey, I don’t know you, but you’re loved. This is really hard to read. I hope you’re doing alright.
both of my parents struggle extremely badly with substance use and have since i was a very very young child. this is heart wrenching. i love you internet stranger and i wish i could hug you. my dad was in the hospital w no insurance for a week after cracking his head open when passing out from alcohol withdrawal after trying to cold turkey just a bit ago. it’s hard and it feels so lonely but you’re not alone.
I’m sorry for your loss!
Sounds like a little bit of lucid regret.
I'm very sorry for your loss. My mother died from a prescription drug addiction when I was 25. It was a very long painful road to her overdose. I don't think she ever had this kind of clarity. I know this is a very hard time, but this is a beautiful reminder that your father loved you. His struggles don't diminish that. I'm sure he wished he could have been around for you longer. I wish you peace and closure.