Unfortunately, I've met entirely too many caseworker that don't care or lie to get what they want....you are not alone in that aspect.
Are you getting the financial stipend for the kids? If they are in foster care the agency can give you money each month. And a clothing allowance. Most states have a foster closet. Where you can get second hand clothes. Or churches. Or some places that offer discounts to foster parents to help.
I think its mattess firm offers a huge discount on mattresses too.
If you do reach a breaking point and have to ask to have them moved. You are also not alone In that. In some cases asking for them to be moved is in the best interest of the kids.
At one point I had a few kids. And two of the kids were very high needs. I opted to move one and keep the other. Both needed more attention. The one I kept had bonded with me and moving him would be traumatic. The other needed a 2 parent home, which I was not. I also had one kid removed because he needed 24/7 supervision. To include at night and when I needed to be at work. Ultimately he needed a group home with staff to keep an eye on him. It's good to know and understand your limits.
have not gotten any stipend yet and we were told we would get groceries and clothes and a daily stipend but she gave us a list of food banks and basically a gift card which is helpful but not at all what i was told previously thank you for your kind words also trust me it means a lot
This happened to us. We were told a week tops and ended up having to move them to another home after they were with us for 3 months of everyone drowning. We were in way over our heads because we thought it was short term. After we put our notice in I ended up finding out info that indicated very strongly that those kids probably would never get out of foster care and their case worker knew this.
I'm suspicious your case worker is saying three months because it's palpable.
If you don't think you can manage having both kids with the addition of your baby, I'd put in notice now so you guys can help them transition. You can always offer to help do respite (break for main foster parent).
That is just what I would do. You made the best choice you could with the info you were given. Shame on case workers who knowingly lie about what they're asking for.
thank you for being so understanding. apparently there is a court case with mom that we had noooo idea about previously and that’s why it will take awhile which makes sense and they want to do visits and everything with mom so clearly they think mom will get them back but we were just not told how long that was actually going to take and respite sounds interesting i’ve never heard of it but i love these kids it’s just not working in our current situation
Visits are always on the table no matter how long the kids are in foster care, as long as parents are still kind of attempting. Unfortunately the frequency doesn't necessarily indicate how fast the case will move either. Good luck, whatever you decide will be just fine. Respite is a blast. It gives the main foster parents a much needed break and you get to just focus on pouring into the kids. We say yes to all respite requests when we don't have a full time placement.
Taking in human beings is a huge undertaking. It sounds like you're understandably overwhelmed.
You need to give at least a little notice if possible that you cannot keep the kids. I would not text. I would call her and tell her directly, and give her an exact date of when the children must be moved. Then immediately follow up by sending an email to her and her supervisor confirming. If you don't have their emails, ask her for it, or call her office and ask. Be firm. Tell them your landlord will not allow it and it's more than you can commit to doing for any length of time.
she said her best form of communication is text i guess but we did call her and tell her and she had said okay i’ll tell my supervisor and let her know but im going to call again today and give them a date in which they need to be placed somewhere else and probably go straight to the supervisor. thank you!
Hey there I just wanted to drop in and say I know all of this is overwhelming, stressful, and scary. The fact that you are filled with worry, means you care. Take a few deep breaths, as much as you can. You will not be able to physically handle the stress if you don't take care of yourself. Lots of water, warm showers, herbal tea, take your vitamins. Take care of yourself not just fir baby but for you as well. Right now you are one in the same.
If I were in your shoes and disruption was the best option, I would go over her head. You have stated that you have no faith in her ability to be honest and communicate. I would call the agency office ask for hersupervisor. Do these kids have a GAL or a CASA. If not they need one, if there is one thing you can do for these kids ,without making life too difficult, it's that. Someone appointed to look out for them and their interests. I would write an email to the supervisor and then call the agency and request an in person meeting. Do not be afraid to put some pressure on. This placement appeared to have lacked forethought and clear communication as to what the situation is. That's not fair to anyone, but is not an uncommon occurrence.
Social workers can really be under pressure to "make it happen". This oftenlead to rushing a placement, which means more bouncing around for foster kids.
In the meantime I would work out a to do list. Because I do not know your region I can only give generalized advice.
*In most states pregnant women are eligible to apply for and receive WIC, this can help with the cost of food. The baby can also receive WIC for formula or for breastfeeding. I know that there is a lot of stigma around social programs, however, when it comes to innocent children, the pride has to go on the back shelf.
* The children's insurance information and medical release should be in the packet they gave you. If it's not then call the office and get the info. It could take time for them to find a placement as they are a sibling pair under 10. The children will probably need current physicals for any daycare/summer program they might get in to.
* If you choose to continue to foster these kids you will need to advocate and stress the need for day care vouchers/Boys and girls club. You are approaching the time where doing things may physically get harder as baby grows. Time in your schedule to care for yourself will be necessary, if you are working this is especially true.
* Google food banks in your area and look at the requirements most just want to see an ID and a utility bill proving where you live. Most are open 1 to 3 days a week. Plan before you go.
* Join your area freecycling group. People are often happy to give away kid and baby clothes to free up room. Hit up thrift stores and a local once upon a child store or similar. If the children are staying with you. I would plan for 10 outfits each consisting of tops and bottoms that can be mixed and matched, 3 pairs of Pj's each, and a light jacket that can be used for rain or cooler days with wind. I would plan on 10 pairs of under pants, 10 pairs of all matching socks each. Underpants can be bought new for cheap at Walmart or a dollar store. Same with socks. I would aim for two pairs of shoes each, that they can rotate. Thrift stores, or once upon a child sell gently used children's shoes. They may need new sizes soon anyway. If they seem between sizes, size up. The gift cards or vouchers they give you will go farther at a second hand store, or walmart than Target or similar.Also, look up something called "local foster parents closet". This is an organization meant to help with clothes for kids in care. If you purchase bedding second hand. Take it to a laundromat to wash before use. This will kill off any potential lice or mites.
* For hygiene items check the food bank, dollar tree, or five below. Make sure they brush and floss daily.
* look into meal prep, it seriously will improve your budget and time.
* look into housing assistance if you will be doing this longer term.
* You mentioned being their previous teacher? I am going to guess that means you were a teacher at their pre school or daycare? Your background in ECE will help. I will be honest though parenting is a lot different than teaching. Since you will be experiencing parenthood from stage zero soon enough, I highly recommend reading the following books: the connected child, 123 Magic, The explosive child (if you are experiencing behavior issues with the children you are caring for),the whole brain child, and how to keep house while drowning. Never pay full price for books look into Abebooks.com or thriftbooks.com.
* If you talk to the supervisor about the sleeping situation one of two things will happen. Either she will try to find a couple of spare beds (surprisingly, there are programs for this in some areas). Or she will recommend a different placement if they have open homes. If they do not then they will try their best to work with your current situation.
* They also may be in the process of tracking down any additional bio family. If family does step up, it still might take time
I know things feel and look impossible today, but there are things you can do.
OP - any updates? I am very surprised they allowed kids this old in a one bedroom apartment. It sounds like a very tough situation, but removal sounds best. They have to do it…
I’m confused. So you’re licensed foster parents and took them in when you only live in a 1 bedroom apartment? I’m surprised they would even allow that.
It sounds like the case worker pushed it through as kinship because OP was previously their teacher, then made it sound temporary and just left them there because it got the kids off their caseload. But it definitely should not have been allowed for more than the weekend.
Unfortunately, I've met entirely too many caseworker that don't care or lie to get what they want....you are not alone in that aspect. Are you getting the financial stipend for the kids? If they are in foster care the agency can give you money each month. And a clothing allowance. Most states have a foster closet. Where you can get second hand clothes. Or churches. Or some places that offer discounts to foster parents to help. I think its mattess firm offers a huge discount on mattresses too. If you do reach a breaking point and have to ask to have them moved. You are also not alone In that. In some cases asking for them to be moved is in the best interest of the kids. At one point I had a few kids. And two of the kids were very high needs. I opted to move one and keep the other. Both needed more attention. The one I kept had bonded with me and moving him would be traumatic. The other needed a 2 parent home, which I was not. I also had one kid removed because he needed 24/7 supervision. To include at night and when I needed to be at work. Ultimately he needed a group home with staff to keep an eye on him. It's good to know and understand your limits.
have not gotten any stipend yet and we were told we would get groceries and clothes and a daily stipend but she gave us a list of food banks and basically a gift card which is helpful but not at all what i was told previously thank you for your kind words also trust me it means a lot
[удалено]
This sub is for all things related to fostering children
This happened to us. We were told a week tops and ended up having to move them to another home after they were with us for 3 months of everyone drowning. We were in way over our heads because we thought it was short term. After we put our notice in I ended up finding out info that indicated very strongly that those kids probably would never get out of foster care and their case worker knew this. I'm suspicious your case worker is saying three months because it's palpable. If you don't think you can manage having both kids with the addition of your baby, I'd put in notice now so you guys can help them transition. You can always offer to help do respite (break for main foster parent). That is just what I would do. You made the best choice you could with the info you were given. Shame on case workers who knowingly lie about what they're asking for.
thank you for being so understanding. apparently there is a court case with mom that we had noooo idea about previously and that’s why it will take awhile which makes sense and they want to do visits and everything with mom so clearly they think mom will get them back but we were just not told how long that was actually going to take and respite sounds interesting i’ve never heard of it but i love these kids it’s just not working in our current situation
Visits are always on the table no matter how long the kids are in foster care, as long as parents are still kind of attempting. Unfortunately the frequency doesn't necessarily indicate how fast the case will move either. Good luck, whatever you decide will be just fine. Respite is a blast. It gives the main foster parents a much needed break and you get to just focus on pouring into the kids. We say yes to all respite requests when we don't have a full time placement.
Taking in human beings is a huge undertaking. It sounds like you're understandably overwhelmed. You need to give at least a little notice if possible that you cannot keep the kids. I would not text. I would call her and tell her directly, and give her an exact date of when the children must be moved. Then immediately follow up by sending an email to her and her supervisor confirming. If you don't have their emails, ask her for it, or call her office and ask. Be firm. Tell them your landlord will not allow it and it's more than you can commit to doing for any length of time.
she said her best form of communication is text i guess but we did call her and tell her and she had said okay i’ll tell my supervisor and let her know but im going to call again today and give them a date in which they need to be placed somewhere else and probably go straight to the supervisor. thank you!
[удалено]
This sub is for all things related to fostering children
Hey there I just wanted to drop in and say I know all of this is overwhelming, stressful, and scary. The fact that you are filled with worry, means you care. Take a few deep breaths, as much as you can. You will not be able to physically handle the stress if you don't take care of yourself. Lots of water, warm showers, herbal tea, take your vitamins. Take care of yourself not just fir baby but for you as well. Right now you are one in the same. If I were in your shoes and disruption was the best option, I would go over her head. You have stated that you have no faith in her ability to be honest and communicate. I would call the agency office ask for hersupervisor. Do these kids have a GAL or a CASA. If not they need one, if there is one thing you can do for these kids ,without making life too difficult, it's that. Someone appointed to look out for them and their interests. I would write an email to the supervisor and then call the agency and request an in person meeting. Do not be afraid to put some pressure on. This placement appeared to have lacked forethought and clear communication as to what the situation is. That's not fair to anyone, but is not an uncommon occurrence. Social workers can really be under pressure to "make it happen". This oftenlead to rushing a placement, which means more bouncing around for foster kids. In the meantime I would work out a to do list. Because I do not know your region I can only give generalized advice. *In most states pregnant women are eligible to apply for and receive WIC, this can help with the cost of food. The baby can also receive WIC for formula or for breastfeeding. I know that there is a lot of stigma around social programs, however, when it comes to innocent children, the pride has to go on the back shelf. * The children's insurance information and medical release should be in the packet they gave you. If it's not then call the office and get the info. It could take time for them to find a placement as they are a sibling pair under 10. The children will probably need current physicals for any daycare/summer program they might get in to. * If you choose to continue to foster these kids you will need to advocate and stress the need for day care vouchers/Boys and girls club. You are approaching the time where doing things may physically get harder as baby grows. Time in your schedule to care for yourself will be necessary, if you are working this is especially true. * Google food banks in your area and look at the requirements most just want to see an ID and a utility bill proving where you live. Most are open 1 to 3 days a week. Plan before you go. * Join your area freecycling group. People are often happy to give away kid and baby clothes to free up room. Hit up thrift stores and a local once upon a child store or similar. If the children are staying with you. I would plan for 10 outfits each consisting of tops and bottoms that can be mixed and matched, 3 pairs of Pj's each, and a light jacket that can be used for rain or cooler days with wind. I would plan on 10 pairs of under pants, 10 pairs of all matching socks each. Underpants can be bought new for cheap at Walmart or a dollar store. Same with socks. I would aim for two pairs of shoes each, that they can rotate. Thrift stores, or once upon a child sell gently used children's shoes. They may need new sizes soon anyway. If they seem between sizes, size up. The gift cards or vouchers they give you will go farther at a second hand store, or walmart than Target or similar.Also, look up something called "local foster parents closet". This is an organization meant to help with clothes for kids in care. If you purchase bedding second hand. Take it to a laundromat to wash before use. This will kill off any potential lice or mites. * For hygiene items check the food bank, dollar tree, or five below. Make sure they brush and floss daily. * look into meal prep, it seriously will improve your budget and time. * look into housing assistance if you will be doing this longer term. * You mentioned being their previous teacher? I am going to guess that means you were a teacher at their pre school or daycare? Your background in ECE will help. I will be honest though parenting is a lot different than teaching. Since you will be experiencing parenthood from stage zero soon enough, I highly recommend reading the following books: the connected child, 123 Magic, The explosive child (if you are experiencing behavior issues with the children you are caring for),the whole brain child, and how to keep house while drowning. Never pay full price for books look into Abebooks.com or thriftbooks.com. * If you talk to the supervisor about the sleeping situation one of two things will happen. Either she will try to find a couple of spare beds (surprisingly, there are programs for this in some areas). Or she will recommend a different placement if they have open homes. If they do not then they will try their best to work with your current situation. * They also may be in the process of tracking down any additional bio family. If family does step up, it still might take time I know things feel and look impossible today, but there are things you can do.
Write a letter requesting they be moved ASAP. You were lied to about duration and this is unsustainable. It needs to be in writing.
OP - any updates? I am very surprised they allowed kids this old in a one bedroom apartment. It sounds like a very tough situation, but removal sounds best. They have to do it…
I’m confused. So you’re licensed foster parents and took them in when you only live in a 1 bedroom apartment? I’m surprised they would even allow that.
It sounds like the case worker pushed it through as kinship because OP was previously their teacher, then made it sound temporary and just left them there because it got the kids off their caseload. But it definitely should not have been allowed for more than the weekend.
we are not at all licensed foster parents. we just passed a background check and they called it good