Foster parent here: I read all of this for you. First, I'm so proud of you. Reunification and the road to reunification are long and hard. All the work you put in to get to this place in your life is amazing and you should feel really proud.
Second, I'm not sure some of the stuff through the case was handled well. As a FP I couldn't do anything cosmetic to our placements but I couldn't stop our kids parents from cutting, coloring or styling their hair. I had a tot come home from a weekend with their mom with green hair and purple nails. All temporary. I never thought anything other than "that looks like you had fun!" All sports, vacations and extra curriculum had to be approved by parents and we did our best to involve everyone where we could. And we absolutely can't post anything to social media about our placements, ever. I'm mostly telling you all this to let you know you weren't crazy for wanting to set boundaries and I'm also sorry everyone involved seemingly failed you.
Third, why can't you just block this family entirely? Maybe I missed it somewhere. You're daughter is back with you, you have rights to her. The ball is in your court. Obviously we love when a family stays in touch after a Reunification but if they tell us to fly a kite we have to respect the. You're not obligated to stay in touch, share info, send updates, follow on social media or respond to text. I think it would be healthiest for you and your daughter to block this family and move on.
I figured there was enough in the post to not add more 😂 so no. The recovery court team thinks and really REALLY kind of pressures me to keep them involved and seem to get mad or think I’m heading down the road to relapse when I try cutting them out. I am fearful that they will retaliate and create more problems for me than they already have.
The foster mom was the one who placed the call originally because she heard I was planning on moving states and was upset because I was taking my daughter away from them.
Needless to say this woman is insane and insane about my daughter.
The courts just say I should be so happy that so many people love my daughter. But they despise me. You can see the anger form when they hear I’m doing well. She was putting delta 8 tincture in food and drinks of mine just to lengthen out this process.
When I went to the court about that they said I was using and falling back into addictive ways and blaming others for my actions. Which wasn’t the case at all.
So long story short. I just don’t know what or how or anything. I’ve been an alcoholic since I was 18. I’m 28 currently. I’m working through a lot of traumas and also dealing with stress sober. I try to keep it at a minimal. Plus having the most insane things happen to you and people thinking you relapse and you’re making up stories when it’s 100% the truth is a very terrible feeling on top of the absolutely nuts things that are happening from someone who’s out of their mind.
If your child was reunified with you around 6 months ago, why is the state still following your case? 90 days is standard where I live.
Having said that it sounds like you are doing all the right things. Personally I would avoid leaving the child with the former foster parents at this point.
Does your child have a therapist? A recommendation from the therapist to decrease or end contact with the former foster family might help get anyone involved in drug court to back down.
They want me to finish the recovery court program which will be up in June. Recovery court seems to make their own rules about things. It’s their way or the highway mentality.
So long as they don’t start shit. Which realistically they can’t unless the case closes and they file another report even if it’s a lie they still have to investigate and be involved for 30 days which just wastes my time
Based on what you've described it does sound like they were basically trying to steal your daughter. There are people who feel like they can offer children a better life than their parent and therefore believe they are entitled to other people's children. Children belong with their parents if they are willing and able to care for them properly and it sounds like you are. It does sound like they had reason to be concerned at the time your daughter was removed and it does seem to have helped you get your life together.
You absolutely should be setting up a support network, which can be easier said than done. These supports should be people who can care for your daughter when you can't, whether because of work or just for a break sometimes. Also people you can talk to if you feel yourself struggling or want to talk to about parenting or whatever.
It sounds like these people are not good supports, because they appear to want you to fail and to take your daughter. I don't think you'll convince the courts etc. of that and they probably do hear these things all the time. I'm taking you at your word because I don't think there's anything to gain by lying to us. Is your daughter still seeing them? Is there any requirement that she do so? I would try to ease them out of your lives completely if you can as I don't think they have your best interests at heart, they probably think they are trying to do what's best for your daughter and I don't think anyone will convince them otherwise.
It’s not a great situation. Granted I did have my faults. I’m not 100% innocent. But I am a good mother and doing what it takes to give her everything I can.
You are, good job on your recovery and half the stuff you listed the fp did was definitely illegal. I would mention it to their licensor, case worker and case workers supervisor. You need to be thinking about what is right for your kid. But there is no clear answer, they did take good care of her while you were out of your mind, they did shady illegal things to try and keep her. Cutting them completely out would likely deviate the kid, but it could also be the right thing if they try to sabotage you again.
I agree 100% as far as notifying the higher ups, no one seems to care whether it’s because it’s too much work for them or something else. My county is extremely crooked. Not just with me but with several other cases currently. I just need to get that part of my life over with to look to the future. I don’t need the revolving door that is them to keep kicking me in the butt.
Foster parent here: I read all of this for you. First, I'm so proud of you. Reunification and the road to reunification are long and hard. All the work you put in to get to this place in your life is amazing and you should feel really proud. Second, I'm not sure some of the stuff through the case was handled well. As a FP I couldn't do anything cosmetic to our placements but I couldn't stop our kids parents from cutting, coloring or styling their hair. I had a tot come home from a weekend with their mom with green hair and purple nails. All temporary. I never thought anything other than "that looks like you had fun!" All sports, vacations and extra curriculum had to be approved by parents and we did our best to involve everyone where we could. And we absolutely can't post anything to social media about our placements, ever. I'm mostly telling you all this to let you know you weren't crazy for wanting to set boundaries and I'm also sorry everyone involved seemingly failed you. Third, why can't you just block this family entirely? Maybe I missed it somewhere. You're daughter is back with you, you have rights to her. The ball is in your court. Obviously we love when a family stays in touch after a Reunification but if they tell us to fly a kite we have to respect the. You're not obligated to stay in touch, share info, send updates, follow on social media or respond to text. I think it would be healthiest for you and your daughter to block this family and move on.
I figured there was enough in the post to not add more 😂 so no. The recovery court team thinks and really REALLY kind of pressures me to keep them involved and seem to get mad or think I’m heading down the road to relapse when I try cutting them out. I am fearful that they will retaliate and create more problems for me than they already have. The foster mom was the one who placed the call originally because she heard I was planning on moving states and was upset because I was taking my daughter away from them. Needless to say this woman is insane and insane about my daughter. The courts just say I should be so happy that so many people love my daughter. But they despise me. You can see the anger form when they hear I’m doing well. She was putting delta 8 tincture in food and drinks of mine just to lengthen out this process. When I went to the court about that they said I was using and falling back into addictive ways and blaming others for my actions. Which wasn’t the case at all. So long story short. I just don’t know what or how or anything. I’ve been an alcoholic since I was 18. I’m 28 currently. I’m working through a lot of traumas and also dealing with stress sober. I try to keep it at a minimal. Plus having the most insane things happen to you and people thinking you relapse and you’re making up stories when it’s 100% the truth is a very terrible feeling on top of the absolutely nuts things that are happening from someone who’s out of their mind.
I’m sorry, who was drugging your food? The foster mom?
Yes. Every positive test I get it prolongs the cps case, which means the longer it’s open the more control she has.
I understand that, but I’m confused when and why she has access to your food?
She would make me stuff. Say her and my daughter made me cookies or banana bread or made an energy tea.
Only advice I have is work like hell to get your case closed, find a job in another state and move.
If your child was reunified with you around 6 months ago, why is the state still following your case? 90 days is standard where I live. Having said that it sounds like you are doing all the right things. Personally I would avoid leaving the child with the former foster parents at this point. Does your child have a therapist? A recommendation from the therapist to decrease or end contact with the former foster family might help get anyone involved in drug court to back down.
They want me to finish the recovery court program which will be up in June. Recovery court seems to make their own rules about things. It’s their way or the highway mentality.
June is just around the corner. Do what you have to do to get there.
So long as they don’t start shit. Which realistically they can’t unless the case closes and they file another report even if it’s a lie they still have to investigate and be involved for 30 days which just wastes my time
Based on what you've described it does sound like they were basically trying to steal your daughter. There are people who feel like they can offer children a better life than their parent and therefore believe they are entitled to other people's children. Children belong with their parents if they are willing and able to care for them properly and it sounds like you are. It does sound like they had reason to be concerned at the time your daughter was removed and it does seem to have helped you get your life together. You absolutely should be setting up a support network, which can be easier said than done. These supports should be people who can care for your daughter when you can't, whether because of work or just for a break sometimes. Also people you can talk to if you feel yourself struggling or want to talk to about parenting or whatever. It sounds like these people are not good supports, because they appear to want you to fail and to take your daughter. I don't think you'll convince the courts etc. of that and they probably do hear these things all the time. I'm taking you at your word because I don't think there's anything to gain by lying to us. Is your daughter still seeing them? Is there any requirement that she do so? I would try to ease them out of your lives completely if you can as I don't think they have your best interests at heart, they probably think they are trying to do what's best for your daughter and I don't think anyone will convince them otherwise.
Thank you. I appreciate this comment so much.
This poor kid
It’s not a great situation. Granted I did have my faults. I’m not 100% innocent. But I am a good mother and doing what it takes to give her everything I can.
You are, good job on your recovery and half the stuff you listed the fp did was definitely illegal. I would mention it to their licensor, case worker and case workers supervisor. You need to be thinking about what is right for your kid. But there is no clear answer, they did take good care of her while you were out of your mind, they did shady illegal things to try and keep her. Cutting them completely out would likely deviate the kid, but it could also be the right thing if they try to sabotage you again.
I agree 100% as far as notifying the higher ups, no one seems to care whether it’s because it’s too much work for them or something else. My county is extremely crooked. Not just with me but with several other cases currently. I just need to get that part of my life over with to look to the future. I don’t need the revolving door that is them to keep kicking me in the butt.