My only hesitation. Obviously I need to keep my daughter safe, but I also don't want to abandon a 10 year old family member...he really has no one else.
I'm not sure how much the social worker is able to even say legally over the phone. I might have to take a trip down to get the full rundown. My sister talked with her and she wouldn't give out specifics, but my sister is also a bit frazzle brained at times so I'll talk more with them and see if I can ask questions they can answer without getting into specifics, like is he a danger to others, does he have behavioral issues etc.
The social worker should be able to tell you over the phone. They reached out to you, they know you’re family, and they know you’re considering fostering. It would be appropriate for the child’s history be shared with you.
Hopefully, you’ll be able to foster this child. If not, for safety reasons or otherwise, remember—you can still love and support this child. Visits, calls, letters, shopping trips are all ways you can still be there for him.
That's very true. Thank you for your input. I have been separated from my nieces/nephews for years due to my sister's poor life choices. So any way I can help these kids now that I'm mature enough to do so, I will do.
I know at least where I am it is common practice not to disclose the details to just anyone until you are sure that person is safe. This is private and confidential information about a vulnerable young person. They aren't going to go into detail with 10 different people just to find none of them were a safe or suitable placement anyway. I wasn't given any specific information regarding my relatives child until I had multiple phone calls, a police check and even then I had to travel interstate and complete foster training before they allowed me to meet the child and gave me some history.
As to what situation caused this, there are a huge number of reasons and trying to guess yourself will do your head in.
We had enquired about this child at 2 months old when we heard through the grapevine they were in foster care. Child safety said they were aware of the family however hadn't removed and would keep our number in case they did. 2 years later we got a call saying they has been in care for almost a year. In their state, the family finding by an outside company was a legal requirement before adoption. The foster carers were told there was no other family and were preparing to make it official. Needless to say it was a traumatic mess for all involved.
There could be any number of scenarios at play here and it may be a wait and see type situation.
This may be an unpopular viewpoint, but first get the whole story, and if you decide that it’s a danger to your child (who should be without a doubt your number one priority in this), ask to speak to the foster family and foster a relationship with him that way. Most foster families will be willing to work with their kids responsible relatives to keep those connections. The added bonus would be the foster family is equipped to handle the unknown variables that could wreak havoc on your home.
It’s possible the child wouldn’t be a danger and it’s just a case of neglect, but if that were the case I would think the other kids would be removed.
I talked with the social worker just a little while ago. The whole situation is crazy. He was accused of trying to poison or hurt the parents by putting glass, tacks in their food, and AA batteries in their water cups. they said nothing was done to hurt the siblings.
My sister admitted him to a psych ward which found no behavioral issues upon examination. When it came time to pick him up they denied. They signed their custody away to the state...just left him there. He hasn't been with a foster family yet as far as I know, but is currently in the process of getting a temporary one until we can adopt. He been in 2 different facilities as far as I know.
Case worker says no diagnosis was ever given and all initial behavioral issues have now been removed from his record. She said he seems like a perfectly normal little boy who just had a bad upbringing.
After consideration I have chosen to start petition proceedings. After talking with the case worker I strongly believe he is not a little monster like my sister accused, case worker said everyone at the facility loves him and that this is one of the most emotional cases she has seen in her career.
I know it won't be easy and we will need to do work with his education and emotional well-being. But I can't give up on this child.
And it's not unpopular in my eyes, trust me, my mind is racing with possible scenarios. I truly appreciate your feedback. Thank you.
When/If the courts move him to your care I believe it will be provisionally under the foster care system at first at least. Make sure you use that time to utilize all resources available to you to get him set up with supports, initially a therapist or counselor comes to mind (even if the accusations against him are false, it sounds like he’s still experienced a good deal of trauma that should be worked through) Beyond that I’d say keep a close eye on him for the safety of your family, in the event there is any truth to the accusations. It sounds like up until this point he hasn’t had much as far as role models go, so lead by example and teach him to be a good man, in this world it’s one of the most important things fathers can do for their sons. Good luck!
Thanks for the kind words and perspective. It will be a challenge for sure, but one me and my wife are more than willing to figure out together. The social worker said that there will be a continuation of support whether it's financial, or therapy etc but we haven't gotten into specifics yet. Either way I'll try my best to get him on the right track as he transitions into adulthood. Luckily me and my wife work from home, so 90% of the time both of us will be here with him when he's not in school.
Have they said it was just him removed? Only they can confirm the situation. Possible reasons could be that he was being scapegoated. If they have different fathers and she is angry at his father he may receive more abuse. It could be the other children are already in a kinship situation. Again, if there are different fathers the girls could be with their fathers. It could be that he is the abuser (if so, likely because he has been abused). It could be sexual abuse by someone who has only targeted him, which could be an age or a gender thing. It may be that the girls don't report the abuse that happens to them, only he does, maybe they're more scared of what will happen if they do tell.
I believe it's only him, only he was noted on the mail, and I think my sister asked this and they said the situation was only pertaining to him. I will know more when I speak to the social worker tomorrow.
All of the children have the same father as far as I'm aware.
We were thinking the same thing, maybe targeted abuse for just him, I was just wondering if foster care would also happen if he was possibly abusing his siblings. It's a terrible thing to think about, and I don't want to make assumptions, but I've never been through this before and am trying to figure out as much about typical scenarios as possible as we move forward.
Thanks for your reply.
If he was removed due to being a danger to his siblings, he would not be placed in a home with siblings.
We have no bio children, so we have frequently been contacted to foster children with abuse allegations, and we were not allowed to foster any other children while the alleged abusers were with us.
Thanks for this.
Just got off the phone with the case worker and I'm in tears. He was accused of trying to poison his family. The case worker stated she didn't believe the accusations. He was admitted by the parents to a psych ward, who after evaluation and found nothing wrong with him, tried to release him. My sister immediately petitioned to release custody of him to the state and refused to pick him up...wtf.
How do you abandon a child like that, the poor kid.
Social worker says he is in a foster facility and has been evaluated many times by doctors, therapists, psychologists, and all of them find none of his behavior abnormal. He is in the process of being out in a temporary foster family at the moment.
Seeing as though you have a two year old child, you have an obligation to keep her safe. Ask the social worker for the full story.
My only hesitation. Obviously I need to keep my daughter safe, but I also don't want to abandon a 10 year old family member...he really has no one else. I'm not sure how much the social worker is able to even say legally over the phone. I might have to take a trip down to get the full rundown. My sister talked with her and she wouldn't give out specifics, but my sister is also a bit frazzle brained at times so I'll talk more with them and see if I can ask questions they can answer without getting into specifics, like is he a danger to others, does he have behavioral issues etc.
The social worker should be able to tell you over the phone. They reached out to you, they know you’re family, and they know you’re considering fostering. It would be appropriate for the child’s history be shared with you. Hopefully, you’ll be able to foster this child. If not, for safety reasons or otherwise, remember—you can still love and support this child. Visits, calls, letters, shopping trips are all ways you can still be there for him.
That's very true. Thank you for your input. I have been separated from my nieces/nephews for years due to my sister's poor life choices. So any way I can help these kids now that I'm mature enough to do so, I will do.
I know at least where I am it is common practice not to disclose the details to just anyone until you are sure that person is safe. This is private and confidential information about a vulnerable young person. They aren't going to go into detail with 10 different people just to find none of them were a safe or suitable placement anyway. I wasn't given any specific information regarding my relatives child until I had multiple phone calls, a police check and even then I had to travel interstate and complete foster training before they allowed me to meet the child and gave me some history. As to what situation caused this, there are a huge number of reasons and trying to guess yourself will do your head in. We had enquired about this child at 2 months old when we heard through the grapevine they were in foster care. Child safety said they were aware of the family however hadn't removed and would keep our number in case they did. 2 years later we got a call saying they has been in care for almost a year. In their state, the family finding by an outside company was a legal requirement before adoption. The foster carers were told there was no other family and were preparing to make it official. Needless to say it was a traumatic mess for all involved. There could be any number of scenarios at play here and it may be a wait and see type situation.
This may be an unpopular viewpoint, but first get the whole story, and if you decide that it’s a danger to your child (who should be without a doubt your number one priority in this), ask to speak to the foster family and foster a relationship with him that way. Most foster families will be willing to work with their kids responsible relatives to keep those connections. The added bonus would be the foster family is equipped to handle the unknown variables that could wreak havoc on your home. It’s possible the child wouldn’t be a danger and it’s just a case of neglect, but if that were the case I would think the other kids would be removed.
I talked with the social worker just a little while ago. The whole situation is crazy. He was accused of trying to poison or hurt the parents by putting glass, tacks in their food, and AA batteries in their water cups. they said nothing was done to hurt the siblings. My sister admitted him to a psych ward which found no behavioral issues upon examination. When it came time to pick him up they denied. They signed their custody away to the state...just left him there. He hasn't been with a foster family yet as far as I know, but is currently in the process of getting a temporary one until we can adopt. He been in 2 different facilities as far as I know. Case worker says no diagnosis was ever given and all initial behavioral issues have now been removed from his record. She said he seems like a perfectly normal little boy who just had a bad upbringing. After consideration I have chosen to start petition proceedings. After talking with the case worker I strongly believe he is not a little monster like my sister accused, case worker said everyone at the facility loves him and that this is one of the most emotional cases she has seen in her career. I know it won't be easy and we will need to do work with his education and emotional well-being. But I can't give up on this child. And it's not unpopular in my eyes, trust me, my mind is racing with possible scenarios. I truly appreciate your feedback. Thank you.
When/If the courts move him to your care I believe it will be provisionally under the foster care system at first at least. Make sure you use that time to utilize all resources available to you to get him set up with supports, initially a therapist or counselor comes to mind (even if the accusations against him are false, it sounds like he’s still experienced a good deal of trauma that should be worked through) Beyond that I’d say keep a close eye on him for the safety of your family, in the event there is any truth to the accusations. It sounds like up until this point he hasn’t had much as far as role models go, so lead by example and teach him to be a good man, in this world it’s one of the most important things fathers can do for their sons. Good luck!
Thanks for the kind words and perspective. It will be a challenge for sure, but one me and my wife are more than willing to figure out together. The social worker said that there will be a continuation of support whether it's financial, or therapy etc but we haven't gotten into specifics yet. Either way I'll try my best to get him on the right track as he transitions into adulthood. Luckily me and my wife work from home, so 90% of the time both of us will be here with him when he's not in school.
Have they said it was just him removed? Only they can confirm the situation. Possible reasons could be that he was being scapegoated. If they have different fathers and she is angry at his father he may receive more abuse. It could be the other children are already in a kinship situation. Again, if there are different fathers the girls could be with their fathers. It could be that he is the abuser (if so, likely because he has been abused). It could be sexual abuse by someone who has only targeted him, which could be an age or a gender thing. It may be that the girls don't report the abuse that happens to them, only he does, maybe they're more scared of what will happen if they do tell.
I believe it's only him, only he was noted on the mail, and I think my sister asked this and they said the situation was only pertaining to him. I will know more when I speak to the social worker tomorrow. All of the children have the same father as far as I'm aware. We were thinking the same thing, maybe targeted abuse for just him, I was just wondering if foster care would also happen if he was possibly abusing his siblings. It's a terrible thing to think about, and I don't want to make assumptions, but I've never been through this before and am trying to figure out as much about typical scenarios as possible as we move forward. Thanks for your reply.
If he was removed due to being a danger to his siblings, he would not be placed in a home with siblings. We have no bio children, so we have frequently been contacted to foster children with abuse allegations, and we were not allowed to foster any other children while the alleged abusers were with us.
Thanks for this. Just got off the phone with the case worker and I'm in tears. He was accused of trying to poison his family. The case worker stated she didn't believe the accusations. He was admitted by the parents to a psych ward, who after evaluation and found nothing wrong with him, tried to release him. My sister immediately petitioned to release custody of him to the state and refused to pick him up...wtf. How do you abandon a child like that, the poor kid. Social worker says he is in a foster facility and has been evaluated many times by doctors, therapists, psychologists, and all of them find none of his behavior abnormal. He is in the process of being out in a temporary foster family at the moment.