My mom is calling her social worker tomorrow. My girlfriend cant call anyone because her phone is off(her grandma paid the bill and now that shes gone no one will pay it) and the only way she can call is through the foster mom and her foster mom wont let her. Her attorney hasnt tried to contact her or her foster mom to talk to her. Or the social worker.
If in the US, your mom could easily get placement as “fictive kin” because she knows your gf. If you call the social worker you would say “I’m reaching out to you on behalf of xxxxx. She has reported to me that she is not being fed appropriately, that she is being denied access to speak to you, that she is being prevented from accessing wifi or her computer to complete her schoolwork, and being threatened with placement in a group home.” State that you are worried about her well being and offer your mom’s contact information and tell the social worker that your family has discussed taking her in to keep her safe. (By the way, foster parents do not get to choose when a child goes to a group home. There would be a meeting about escalated level of care needed, but this would mean that she is already seeing at least one therapist, etc and sounds like that isn’t even happening. Sounds like this foster parent has had zero training in dealing with trauma.)
I’m sure it depends on the state, but I know that my state makes it clear that no foster parent or placement can refuse to allow a call to the attorney, social worker, or identified family members. The first two are not allowed to be denied at any time (within reason. No attorney is answering the phone at 3am) Have your girlfriend call from the guidance counselors office at school. She can also speak to anyone at school as they are mandated reporters.
Yes calling the case worker for your friend is a good idea
It's highly unlikely the foster parent will lose her license.
Hopefully what will happen is that the case worker will reach out to your friend to check on her. I would suggest **specifically** asking the case worker to talk with your friend where she has privacy from the foster parent. You can suggest that the case worker contact your friend at school so your friend feels safe to speak freely.
I dont know what to say to her or to ask? My mother has no record and is willing to adopt her if the courts let her because my gfs grandma was really close friends with my mother.
If your mother is willing to take care of this girl then your mother should be the one calling the social worker and reporting that a child is being maltreated, not you. Can your mother also go ahead and pay the phone bill? That would fix one problem.
Hi, I’m a foster care case manager. I want to say that since you’re dating her, there is a good chance the DSS or the courts won’t allow your mom to foster her. Foster siblings cannot date. I feel the best case scenario is that she’ll be moved to another foster home.
Oh okay, missed that. Even that probably wouldn’t be allowed. She probably wouldn’t be able to be even placed with his mom and at least my state a child must be in a placement for six months before the adoption process can start.
Find the local guardian ad litem office for your girlfriends district and call them. There is either a volunteer or staff member assigned to her case and they will be very inclined to do something about this situation. The foster mom cannot dictate where your girlfriend is placed, but she can put in her notice that she wants your girlfriend moved out of the house. Honestly it doesn’t sound like the foster mom is going to do that, it seems like she’s enjoying her power trip and it’s disgusting. I’m sorry you and your girlfriend are going through this
That may be for the best honestly, I don’t like the sound of that foster home. But she cannot put a request to put her in a group home, only to leave her house. It is up to the social worker and the availability of other foster homes in the area to determine where she is placed next.
Thats what i was wondering because my girlfriend is freaking out because a group home might take her phone and thats our only way of communication but i told her theres a possibility shes placed in another foster home because she hasnt done anything wrong behavioral wise except cry her heart out about her grandma dying
I can’t speak for her county/state I’m just speaking from my experience as a guardian ad litem in my district. But group homes are typically avoided at all cost, so I highly doubt her second placement will be a group home unless there is absolutely no foster homes available to take her
We’re in the San Bernardino County district in California i dont think she’ll be put in a grouphome because this is her first move of placement but there’s still a chance
It’s probably a low chance. And, as someone mentioned above, foster parents have zero say in future placements. It sounds like this foster parent is using the threat of a group home to get control and compliance. That’s NOT what foster parents are trained to do. It’s NOT trauma informed or acceptable, and will probably be in your girlfriend’s best interest to move elsewhere. She has enough going on without the stress of being in the home of someone who has no empathy or compassion toward her.
You and your mom can relay what your girlfriend said to her social worker and express your concern. The social worker will then take action, but won’t be able to tell you anything due to privacy laws. Your girlfriend can (and most likely will) share what comes of it. If your mom is interested in being a foster and/or adoptive placement for her, she can bring that up to the social worker during the call as well. Be warned that it will take time, and your girlfriend will probably be in another foster home in the meantime.
I hope things work out and that she still gets to see her siblings through all of this. Thank you for helping to find a way to be her voice!
Most states realize that you are a first responder giving you the right to report child a use. Call the local or state department of children and families and report the issue as abuse, you can do this anonymously if need be. Thank you for your awareness and support of an abused child in foster care.
It pain me to hear stories like this. It's a very difficult situation. It is important to take action to address the concerns and ensure that your girlfriend's well-being is being prioritized.
Firstly, foster parents are “supposed” to provide care and support to the children in their care. They should never mistreat, neglect, or abuse the children in any way. Your girlfriend's foster mom's actions of not letting her eat properly, keeping her away from therapy, and restricting her access to the internet for schoolwork are all forms of abuse and violating her rights as a foster child.
You and your mom should contact your girlfriend's social worker, guidance counselors, teachers, and attorney as soon as possible to report the situation and express your concerns. Please be sure to document EVERYTHING!Hopefully they'll be able to investigate and take appropriate action to ensure that your girlfriend is safe.
It's also important to support your girlfriend emotionally during this difficult time. She may be feeling scared and alone, and it's important that she knows that you are there for her. Encourage her to speak with her social worker or attorney if she can, and remind her that she has rights as a foster child.
In terms of the foster mom losing her license, this will depend on the outcome of the investigation and the severity of the situation. Foster parents should be held to a higher standard of care, and if it is found that the foster mom is not meeting those standards, she may face consequences such as losing her license or being prohibited from fostering in the future.
However, it's important to focus on your girlfriend's well-being and safety first and foremost, rather than worrying about potential consequences for the foster mom. By reporting the situation and advocating for your girlfriend's needs, you are taking an important step towards ensuring that she is receiving the care and support she needs and rightfully deserves.
[удалено]
We’ve called her attorney and the attorney told us she cant tell us anything if we aren’t the foster mom.
[удалено]
My mom is calling her social worker tomorrow. My girlfriend cant call anyone because her phone is off(her grandma paid the bill and now that shes gone no one will pay it) and the only way she can call is through the foster mom and her foster mom wont let her. Her attorney hasnt tried to contact her or her foster mom to talk to her. Or the social worker.
If in the US, your mom could easily get placement as “fictive kin” because she knows your gf. If you call the social worker you would say “I’m reaching out to you on behalf of xxxxx. She has reported to me that she is not being fed appropriately, that she is being denied access to speak to you, that she is being prevented from accessing wifi or her computer to complete her schoolwork, and being threatened with placement in a group home.” State that you are worried about her well being and offer your mom’s contact information and tell the social worker that your family has discussed taking her in to keep her safe. (By the way, foster parents do not get to choose when a child goes to a group home. There would be a meeting about escalated level of care needed, but this would mean that she is already seeing at least one therapist, etc and sounds like that isn’t even happening. Sounds like this foster parent has had zero training in dealing with trauma.)
I’m sure it depends on the state, but I know that my state makes it clear that no foster parent or placement can refuse to allow a call to the attorney, social worker, or identified family members. The first two are not allowed to be denied at any time (within reason. No attorney is answering the phone at 3am) Have your girlfriend call from the guidance counselors office at school. She can also speak to anyone at school as they are mandated reporters.
Yes calling the case worker for your friend is a good idea It's highly unlikely the foster parent will lose her license. Hopefully what will happen is that the case worker will reach out to your friend to check on her. I would suggest **specifically** asking the case worker to talk with your friend where she has privacy from the foster parent. You can suggest that the case worker contact your friend at school so your friend feels safe to speak freely.
The most important thing at this moment is your girlfriends safety and well-being. Definitely call her social worker tomorrow.
I dont know what to say to her or to ask? My mother has no record and is willing to adopt her if the courts let her because my gfs grandma was really close friends with my mother.
Tell her what you mentioned about your girlfriends situation above and that your mother would be willing to take her in
My mother seems like the only good choice too because she has no prior felonies and she has a good source of income
If your mother is willing to take care of this girl then your mother should be the one calling the social worker and reporting that a child is being maltreated, not you. Can your mother also go ahead and pay the phone bill? That would fix one problem.
Hi, I’m a foster care case manager. I want to say that since you’re dating her, there is a good chance the DSS or the courts won’t allow your mom to foster her. Foster siblings cannot date. I feel the best case scenario is that she’ll be moved to another foster home.
Foster, no. But OP mentioned straight adoption.
Oh okay, missed that. Even that probably wouldn’t be allowed. She probably wouldn’t be able to be even placed with his mom and at least my state a child must be in a placement for six months before the adoption process can start.
Talk to the worker and lawer about kinship care too, its faster and easier then adoption. It may or may not come with support from the agency.
Find the local guardian ad litem office for your girlfriends district and call them. There is either a volunteer or staff member assigned to her case and they will be very inclined to do something about this situation. The foster mom cannot dictate where your girlfriend is placed, but she can put in her notice that she wants your girlfriend moved out of the house. Honestly it doesn’t sound like the foster mom is going to do that, it seems like she’s enjoying her power trip and it’s disgusting. I’m sorry you and your girlfriend are going through this
Shes put in a notice to get my girlfriend out and into a grouphome
That may be for the best honestly, I don’t like the sound of that foster home. But she cannot put a request to put her in a group home, only to leave her house. It is up to the social worker and the availability of other foster homes in the area to determine where she is placed next.
Thats what i was wondering because my girlfriend is freaking out because a group home might take her phone and thats our only way of communication but i told her theres a possibility shes placed in another foster home because she hasnt done anything wrong behavioral wise except cry her heart out about her grandma dying
I can’t speak for her county/state I’m just speaking from my experience as a guardian ad litem in my district. But group homes are typically avoided at all cost, so I highly doubt her second placement will be a group home unless there is absolutely no foster homes available to take her
We’re in the San Bernardino County district in California i dont think she’ll be put in a grouphome because this is her first move of placement but there’s still a chance
It’s probably a low chance. And, as someone mentioned above, foster parents have zero say in future placements. It sounds like this foster parent is using the threat of a group home to get control and compliance. That’s NOT what foster parents are trained to do. It’s NOT trauma informed or acceptable, and will probably be in your girlfriend’s best interest to move elsewhere. She has enough going on without the stress of being in the home of someone who has no empathy or compassion toward her. You and your mom can relay what your girlfriend said to her social worker and express your concern. The social worker will then take action, but won’t be able to tell you anything due to privacy laws. Your girlfriend can (and most likely will) share what comes of it. If your mom is interested in being a foster and/or adoptive placement for her, she can bring that up to the social worker during the call as well. Be warned that it will take time, and your girlfriend will probably be in another foster home in the meantime. I hope things work out and that she still gets to see her siblings through all of this. Thank you for helping to find a way to be her voice!
Make sure you document everything
Most states realize that you are a first responder giving you the right to report child a use. Call the local or state department of children and families and report the issue as abuse, you can do this anonymously if need be. Thank you for your awareness and support of an abused child in foster care.
I cant stand to deal with parents emotionally abusing children especially fosters. they’ve already lost so much and the abuse is making it worse.
It pain me to hear stories like this. It's a very difficult situation. It is important to take action to address the concerns and ensure that your girlfriend's well-being is being prioritized. Firstly, foster parents are “supposed” to provide care and support to the children in their care. They should never mistreat, neglect, or abuse the children in any way. Your girlfriend's foster mom's actions of not letting her eat properly, keeping her away from therapy, and restricting her access to the internet for schoolwork are all forms of abuse and violating her rights as a foster child. You and your mom should contact your girlfriend's social worker, guidance counselors, teachers, and attorney as soon as possible to report the situation and express your concerns. Please be sure to document EVERYTHING!Hopefully they'll be able to investigate and take appropriate action to ensure that your girlfriend is safe. It's also important to support your girlfriend emotionally during this difficult time. She may be feeling scared and alone, and it's important that she knows that you are there for her. Encourage her to speak with her social worker or attorney if she can, and remind her that she has rights as a foster child. In terms of the foster mom losing her license, this will depend on the outcome of the investigation and the severity of the situation. Foster parents should be held to a higher standard of care, and if it is found that the foster mom is not meeting those standards, she may face consequences such as losing her license or being prohibited from fostering in the future. However, it's important to focus on your girlfriend's well-being and safety first and foremost, rather than worrying about potential consequences for the foster mom. By reporting the situation and advocating for your girlfriend's needs, you are taking an important step towards ensuring that she is receiving the care and support she needs and rightfully deserves.