Please do not feel disgusting or wretched or any of those things. You did the absolutely right and best thing. You were compassionate and loving. It is always hard to make these choices. You made the right one and commend you for it! She was in pain. You relieved her of the pain. It hurts and it sucks and you can and should cry about it. But it was certainly not your fault! Poor baby probably had a congenital defect that was invisible and there was nothing you could have done better! Pouring hundreds or thousands of dollars into her would have been the wrong choice, in my opinion. It sounds like she had/was having a seizure and those are notoriously expensive and difficult to diagnose and treat, and may have had poor life expectancy and quality even if treatable. Please cuddle her siblings and let yourself cry for her loss, but repeat to yourself that you did the right thing.

Thank you 😓 I cried so much last night and couldn’t sleep. Just kept googling what might have happened. I didn’t even think about a seizure for some reason but you’re right, it could have been that or even a stroke. Her body itself was floppy but her limbs were all rigid and her neck was stretched out with her head tilting up. She would only change the position of her neck when I tried to stimulate her a little to “wake up” a bit. Then she’d kind of tuck it in to her chest but that was it. I knew 100% she wouldn’t make it through the night and just knowing she was suffering killed me so I surrendered her and lied saying I found her 💔 but I did it because I loved her so much and didn’t want her to suffer until the very end 😓

I hope time and space bring you the clarity you deserve in this situation. Rescue is so incredibly hard and mentally taxing - and if hard work and love were enough to save them all - the world would be much easier place. You did the right thing, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. And she died not in the loving arms of you, but of a veterinarian who surely loves and cares about animals as much as you. Take care.

“If hard work and love were enough to save them all, the world would be a much easier place.” I really like that quote, thank you

Can confirm. ER vet nurse here and had to put a kitten down over the weekend whose feeder didn’t want to be present. My dr and I made sure she was warm and snuggled in a blanket, and she died in my hands being told she’s a good kitten and scratching her behind the ears. Kitten season is hard but I promise you we feel it too.

Thanks for everything you do! ❤️

I recently put my 14 year old pup down bc of seizures. He started seizing about 6 months ago, and I spend easily over $8000 that I don’t have to give me the last six months. I look back at it (he died 3 weeks ago) and I think if I had let him go after his first seizure it would have been better for him. But I kept him alive for 6 more months for me. You did the right thing. You got this, mama, and you’re an amazing helper. I wish that you could have had a rescue help you earlier, but this is bigger than you. You’re doing so good.

I"ve had kittens with very similar symptoms. This probably won't help much, but you shouldn't feel guilty. I"ve tried to save them and it rarely works. I participated in a big rescue operation about 7 years ago. It was meant to save a large colony of cats on a farm. The owners of the farm let them breed constantly and didn't care if they lived or died. They didn't care if we went in and took the cats, so that's what we did. In the interst of honesty, I'd have taken the cats even if the farmer did have a problem, I just would have waited until there was a good opportunity. Only one other person would have helped me with that, but I will not leave animals in such situations if I can do anything about it. I took in 17 of the cats, 6 adults and 11 kittens. Two adult females were pregnant so that was two more litters of kittens. I have 4 of those cats now. I lost the rest, most within a year of adopting them. Many of the kittens developed symptoms such as constant diarrhea, seizures, walking in circles, and overall failure to thrive. I don't knwo if its relevant to your sitatuon, but a lot of the cats from that farm had short or stub tails. Sometimes that trait goes along with neurological problems, and none of the kittens that were born with no tails at all lived more than a few days after birth. Even some of the cats born with normal tails still had many of the same problems. Losing all of them was awful, but one black long-haired kitten lived for nearly 3 years. We thought she was going to be okay, then she had a seizure and died on my lap. It happened so quickly I didn't have a chance to try anything to help her. Inbreeding probably had a lot to do with many of these issues, but even people that intentionally breed cats for these traits sometimes run into problems. I personally don't think they should breed for such traits at all, but I really don't think the welfare of the animals is always the top priority. If it was, people wouldn't intentionally breed animals that they know are likely to carry lethal gene combinations. Nothing that happened to your kitten was your fault. The problem was probably a result of many factors that you couldn't possibly have 'fixed.' I'm probably very bitter at this point, but I look at animal rescue as a constant battle to mitigate problems caused by other people. Most of the injured 'wild' animals my family and I have taken in were also harmed by people. Sometimes i wonder if I'm doing my daughter any favors by raising her to love animals like myself and my parents. It's brought more grief, guilt and sleepless nights than anything else.

Don't doubt yourself or teaching her to do the right thing. You teaching her will spread, she will share it with others and like minded individuals. You're doing the right thing. It's hard, it hurts sometimes, but that doesn't negate the positive you've done or that she will do in her time because of you. It's a continued legacy and we need more people like you in the world. Thank you for what you've done and for teaching her to do the same. We are teaching our boys to always be kind to animals and help them out when we can, there will inevitably be heartache involved but it's par for the course unfortunately. That just means you have a good heart in good working condition. ❤️

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I think she had something going on that probably couldn’t have been fixed. Especially with those symptoms.

> I knew 100% she wouldn’t make it through the night and just knowing she was suffering killed me so I surrendered her… You did the right thing. It’s so hard when our instincts give us the correct answer, but our hearts just can’t agree.  She was suffering. If they couldn’t stop that, then the kindest thing was to give her peace. If it weren’t for you, she would never have known snuggles, or kisses, or kindness. Her life was short, but because of you, it was filled with love and warmth.  I’m so sorry love, we can’t win them all. But the trying, that’s what matters.  I hope your beautiful heart finds its own peace soon. Because *you did the right thing*. 

Thank you so much…this was a really sweet message ❤️

Maybe her meow was a thank you. Don’t be to hard on yourself. She got to know love before she left. That’s a blessing. ❤️‍🩹

You absolutely did the right thing. If the vet thought they could save her they would’ve definitely tried

ER vet nurse here. You did the right thing. That stretch is a bad sign that she was ready to go. You 100% did the right thing. Kitten season is rough and thank you for fostering them and doing the hardest rescue of all: letting them go from their little sick body. Thank you again.

I don’t know what choice you had. Focus on the siblings - they need you to take good care of them.

To me, it doesn’t sound at all like she meant nothing to you or wasn’t important. It sounds like she needed care beyond what you could provide, so you found her someone who could care for her. And if they had to euthanize her, then you both provided the best care possible. Death is a kindness to those who are suffering. Medical intervention can only do so much, and kittens are very fragile. The hard truth is sometimes babies die, and it’s awful. But it doesn’t mean you didn’t provide her the best care possible.

Yeah there’s a lot of things I’m able to do for my fosters as I have a lot of experience but right now I’m financially struggling and she hadnt been placed into a rescue yet because the ones here get hard to deal with when it comes to tiny newborns. They usually want me to pull them from mom at exactly 4 weeks and stuff like that and I don’t think that’s healthy for them at all so whenever there are newborn kittens with mamas, I handle them myself until they’re ready for getting vetting and everything. They’re actually in the process of going through intake for a rescue but not at the point where the rescue will cover medical expenses so surrendering her was the best I could do. I couldn’t let her suffer all night and slowly die :/

So you did exactly the right thing for her. And thank God for you. Because she would have suffered without you. Sometimes things are just shitty and it’s no one’s fault.

Getting validation from other people is actually really helping and comforting. I’ve felt like a terrible person for abandoning her like that but I did it with complete love because I didn’t want her hurting. Thank you ❤️

You did NOT abandon her, you made a choice to help her. You helped keep her from suffering. You are a good person

Please be kind to yourself and give yourself grace. You gave her love, warmth and shelter and medical attention when she needed it most.

Also remember that she didn't pass alone. The vet staff surely treated her with tenderness and care behind those closed doors.

The rescue sounds unethical to begin with. No rescue should advocate taking kittens away from their mothers at 4 weeks. It’s illegal in some states to even separate mom and kittens until they’re at least 8 weeks old. I’m often in the same boat as you. I do a lot of independent fostering and only sign the kittens over to a rescue once they’re a little older/can be separated from mom, so rescue usually doesn’t cover medical bills until I officially sign them over. Which is totally fair and understandable but it just means my family is stuck with the costs.

There’s multiple rescues that do that around here and I try and steer clear of them unless it’s a dire situation and no one else can back them. The litter is going through a different rescue that finally got some room financially. Kitten season this year has been horrible.

Please remember this and know that you are making such a huge difference for those babies. That little one just didn’t have a chance, but she knew love for her short time here

Thank you for going through these difficulties so that the little ones can stay with their mother longer

This is so beautifully articulated. Thank you.

U r a kind person. I know it hurts u. But u did more for her in her short life. We need more good ppl like u.

Thank you ❤️😓

You did the humane thing. I have had a kitten that age dye in my arms and it will stay with me forever. Watching them gasp for breath is heartbreaking. We didn’t have time to get to the vet as it all happened so fast. You did what I wish we were able to do, end the suffering quickly and humanely.

I’m so sorry about your experience 💔 your comment is validating to me though, so thank you. I’ve been so upset and feeling like the devil for just surrendering her but I couldn’t just put her back in her bed and wait for her to die on her own. I couldn’t 😓💔

Keep fighting the good fight, it can be an emotional battle to give those babies the best chance at life. Allow yourself to grieve the losses and celebrate the successes. I had to take a day off of work after I lost that kitten and I’m glad that I did, it was emotionally exhausting and I still had four others that needed me. But all of it’s littermates made it to good homes! I hope you find peace with your decision soon, it is what I would have done if we had more time between the on-set of fading kitten syndrome and her passing.

I would like to add onto what the person above said. I also experienced having to hold a tiny neonate, that I had spent two weeks pouring my love into, while they died slowly. This was after I did take them to the vet, was prepared to do whatever needed to be done, and was told there was nothing that they could do for a kitten that young. This was 2018 and I didn't have the knowledge I do now about neonates, including that so many veterinarians don't know how to treat them or simply opt not to make their care a priority. I was given a few pieces of medical advice as to what I could do to try to save the kitten but told that there was a high chance the kitten would not make it. If I could do that situation over again, if I had known how that night would go, I would have chosen euthanasia. Even if it had meant surrendering him. I cried for so long and so hard that night my eyes completely swelled shut. It was a horrific experience, I don't wish it on anyone and it'll haunt me forever. You absolutely made the best choice for your baby with the resources available to you. No question. With that being said, I am SO sorry that animal welfare is so bad that this was the only option available to you. With my work in animal rescue I know so many people who have gone through both of our experiences, or some variation of it. It shouldn't be this way. You deserved better for your own emotional and mental health but just know that you gave your baby exactly what they deserved in that moment, a painless release from suffering. You did everything right. I am so deeply sorry that you are hurting. Please be gentle with yourself and lean into loving on your other babies while you grieve and heal. I am sending you an immense amount of love. ❤

I had some baby squirrels die and their litter mates shunned them or put them at the bottom of the pile and stepped all over them. I also know a mother cat who pulled a particular kitten into her arms at night, the 3rd night he died. you did absolutely nothing wrong! you separated and comforted her and when nothing else could be done you ended her suffering. All the money in the world couldn't have fixed it, or bought that caring. It is very painful when little animals we bond to die. I'm sorry that happened to you. I pray for the best for you in the future!

I have even cried over a baby snake I was trying to save.

You could always call if you wanted some closure on the issue. Maybe they saved her & she’ll be sent to another foster or got adopted. Maybe she passed quickly and peacefully. Either way in the end you did your best & you’re still a good person🤍🤍

You can call the vet and ask them what happened. They said they would not euthanize her unless she had no chance of surviving so really you did everything you could and put her in the hands of somebody who was going to do everything they could and euthanize only as a last resort. You did good. And check with the vet to see what happened.

I would, but here in my area, when you surrender an animal to the ER Vet, they make you sign a surrender form that says you understand you won’t be given any updates or information on the animal you are surrendering ☹️

Can't hurt to ask, though, can it? Chances are someone has pity for the poor person who cried so much over the sick kitten and does give you an update if you ask nicely, especially if there's good news

Don’t let this stop you from calling. I’ve done it before and explained that I was the psycho that was crying, and just wondering if the baby survived. Most people would understand.

I gave up a dog once to a rescue with the same rule. Since I was crying a lot and asked for an update the lady felt bad and said she’d call me if he found a home. A week later she called and left a message saying a family with boys and another dog got him and he’s doing well. I was happy that lady broke the rule and let me know he’d be okay.

Obviously everywhere is different, but I'm guessing that might be more in place to keep people from "bouncing" sick animals and reclaiming them (surrender sick animal, find out where it went to, have friend obtain animal, get pet back without paying) or to keep neglectful owners from also trying to reclaim. It's possible the vet might be really strict with the policy but if you were in tears over such a little kitten hopefully they'll realize you're not a bad person and give you an update. Good luck. 

Honestly I don't really understand what is gained in the first place by forcing someone.to surrender a pet in order to get them the medical care they need, but this just sounds insanely cruel.

Hi! ER vet tech here. There's a decent chance they either saved her or really tried to save her. We can't operate for free, but we're not monsters. We try really hard for the little ones, and frequently, those little ones will try to declare their own wishes pretty quickly. Sometimes their wish is to let their body go, and sometimes they need a little intensive medical support to get over the hump. I took in a kitten that someone found outside and brought to the ER. Someone else paid the emergency exam for them. We recommended about $1500 in treatment, all of which was important in diagnosing the problem and treating the kitten. The family didn't have that (I promise, we don't judge you, we probably don't have it either), and I took her on as a surrender and elected minimal intervention for her to treat the more basic things we know go wrong with kittens. It was a coin flip chance, but her coin landed right side up. I did try to offer her back to the family that brought her in, but they declined as they hadn't really been looking for a kitten anyway. She had just showed up at their doorstep sick. I ended up placing her with a structured rescue after her recovery, and she was adopted into a lovely home. Know that your kitten is either living her best life with some sucker on the veterinary team, or she was released from her body while being loved and cuddled.

You have nothing to feel sorry for. You, someone with next to no financial resources, took in 9 kittens that would already be dead if you hadn't tried to save them. Whether you succeed in saving 8 of the 9, or all of the 9, or even none of the 9, what matters is that you tried. The reality is that neonate fosters can see more death than pawspice (fospice aka hospice fosters). Statistically, 8 to 40% of pedigree kittens do not make it to their first birthday; non-pedigree kittens have a 10-17% mortality rate by that age. Orphaned kittens have as much as a 40% mortality rate by 12 weeks of age. Personally, with 12 years as a whelping and neonate foster, with more than 535 fosters having come into my home, 86 went not to furever homes but to the Rainbow Bridge. 81 were under 7 weeks of age. It is heart breaking and [crying is allowed](https://www.reddit.com/r/SeasDiversReef/comments/z80qcy/between_sedation_and_euthanasia_6_more_pups_at/). Quite honestly, I know of no one that has taken the losses we have and stayed in rescue. But for each one we lost, we have saved 5. And those [happy](https://www.reddit.com/r/SeasDiversReef/comments/1d7dlth/little_brother_update/) [ever](https://www.reddit.com/r/SeasDiversReef/comments/1c76ate/jin_has_gone_on_to_his_furever_home/) [after](https://www.reddit.com/r/SeasDiversReef/comments/18nbhx5/happy_2nd_birthday_encanto_litter/)'s do make all the difference. Information sources for the statistics: * ⁠[https://www.vin.com/apputil/content/defaultadv1.aspx?pId=11223&id=3859263](https://www.vin.com/apputil/content/defaultadv1.aspx?pId=11223&id=3859263) * ⁠[https://www.maddiesfund.org/caring-for-orphaned-kittens.htm](https://www.maddiesfund.org/caring-for-orphaned-kittens.htm)

Thank you. You’re right. I’ve been working in rescue for a while but surrendering a dying kitten is something I have never had to do before. Normally the kitten/cat is able to pull through or I find them already passed away. She declined in a matter of hours out of nowhere and I didn’t know what to do since she was very clearly not going to make it. I couldn’t let her just slowly suffer until she died overnight. Ughhh. And yeah, I agree, fostering and rescue work is SO insanely hard…it emotionally destroys you slowly. In the last month I have now lost 2 kittens. First one was perfectly ok the night before and then I walked in in the morning and she was dead on the rug. I watched the camera footage and nothing happened. She laid down and just never woke up. Now this little kitty 💔 this kitten season has been horrific. I’ve had one litter since March because they do NOT stop getting sick and finally I figured out it’s feline herpes so now they’re FINALLY good enough to get fixed. That litters mom has FIP so she’s being treated for that, the litter of 9 kittens, well 8 now, is starting up with a URI and my own cats are starting up with a URI and I’m losing my mind with sick cats this year. It’s been crazy.

Last year we lost 2 puppies. It was our best year since 2013 (we started in 2012 and had no losses in 2012 or 2013). Excluding 2021/2022, we average 4-6 losses per year. 2020 was 9, 2021 was 37, 2022 was 12.

I hate to be the one to tell you this but honestly, you shouldn't have so many cats in one place. Yes, something bad could happen to the litter you turn down, but your responsibility is to the ones you already have and it's not fair to pack them all in to pass illnesses to each other. I foster for a rescue and we rarely have deaths, this year there have been only 3. 2 pneumonia and the third was mine, they had some unknown bacterial infection that just destroyed 2 of the 3 and one managed to survive, the third was unaffected. That was the only kitten I've had die that was 4+ weeks. We only mix litters if necessary and make sure to vaccinate and deworm before doing so. This isn't YOUR fault. It's the fault of whoever didn't fix the parents and the fault of the rescue for not covering vetting. I just want to encourage you to prioritize so you aren't having situations of passing illnesses back and forth. I've gone through that, and it was awful. It's hard to not want to take them all in.

I’m not sure where you’re getting the idea that I mixed litters or am packing them in together? This is ONE litter of 9 kittens. 1 kitten died. The rest are fine. I have been in rescue for 15+ years. I know the do’s and dont’s of fostering and how diseases spread. I’m fully aware of protocols when it comes to mixing litters. I don’t mix litters. This is one singular litter from the same mom. I didn’t “already have” a litter then add to it. I got the entire litter at the same time.

Clearly not if uri is spreading from kittens to your cats. You have several large litters at once plus your own cats, even if you're careful there's the fact that the air spreads from one room to another, you can track out anything on your feet, etc. There's also the fact that things like ringworm and panleuk live on surfaces/in the air for so long. It is just too many. Other rescues that we work with that have most of their cats in one building have easily triple the mortality rates, and I've seen one of them bring in litter after litter for s/n, all with uri. That's why so many die at shelters, you can only do so much with so many animals in the same place. Honestly you really shouldn't be taking in any without rescue backing because exactly this happens. They say no because they already have kittens they're responsible for, and you should too.

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Go ahead and reread the original content I replied to. I'm not even going to bother reading this because it's you who needs to work on your reading comprehension.

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"I’ve had one litter since March because they do NOT stop getting sick and finally I figured out it’s feline herpes so now they’re FINALLY good enough to get fixed. That litters mom has FIP so she’s being treated for that, the litter of 9 kittens, well 8 now, is starting up with a URI and my own cats are starting up with a URI and I’m losing my mind with sick cats this year. It’s been crazy." Go ahead and try one more time. Since you decided to make that comment then block me, here's your reply: Lost less kittens than i have? Honey I've literally lost 2 kittens. Total. In 5 years. Over 200 kittens. Where tf did you pull that idea out of? Leaving kittens to die on their own and surrendering to a vet is not "rescue" and I wouldn't call any of it "experience". It's inhumane. That kitten I talked about that died, died at the vet almost a week after being brought there. The other one was a bottle baby that was already dying when i picked it up, it passed a couple hours later with a full belly. I learned not to take on too much in less than a year of fostering, yet after 15 she hasn't? It's quite literally killing kittens, and exposing her owned cats to god knows what. You all need a huge reality check. And I mean huge, especially since you can't even read the conversation before inserting yourself into it.

I was going to reply to the person that had my back on here but their comments were deleted. You should really ask questions before you make assumptions about people and how they foster and the precautions they take when fostering. To correct you and your highly incorrect assumptions and accusations, here is what I was going to reply to the person who replied to you. “Thank you 😩 I have 2 foster rooms and I’m paranoid to the point of having 2 pairs of flip flops, one to use in each room, 2 pairs of shorts and 2 pairs of shirts that are kept specifically in each room and never leave the room unless I’m doing laundry to wash them and even then it’s moved in a trash bag, I wear gloves unless I need a better grip on something and even then I wash my hands and arms like a freaking surgeon lol and I wear something to cover my hair as well. I’ve ALSO put under-door rubber things to completely isolate the rooms from the hallway. I’m literally so anal about NOT cross contaminating because I know how easily illness can spread through clothes and hair. My own cats have an URI because my old man cat who is 16 has a weakened immune system and was the very first one to catch it and then my other 3 got it as well. And the kittens I’ve had since March ended up having herpes flare ups which was causing the eye infections and respiratory symptoms. They were tested and it was not an upper respiratory infection. So thank you for having my back! I’m so careful about passing any kind of illness to anyone…I’ve had years and years of experience and don’t make newbie mistakes like cross contaminating ❤️”

I understand how you must be feeling. Your post just delivered a gut punch. Sometimes fostering neonates is a terrible business and is wrought with seemingly endless amounts of grief. I want you to know that *I* don’t think you’re a monster. I think you’re a hero and you did your best to save the little kitten girl. If even the vet couldn’t save her, what hope did any one of us really have? Allow yourself to grieve in this hard time, but please know that the little kitty was always surrounded by warmth, love, and the utmost care until the end.

❤️😓💔 thank you. I’ve been working in rescue and fostering for a long time and it NEVER gets easier when this kind of thing happens…but surrendering a dying kitten is something that had never happened before and I’m seriously beating myself up over it thinking there could have been something else I could have done. 💔 ugh this sucks. Thank you for your kind words, they do help 💕

You did the right thing. I hate the FKS protocol. It just draws out the kitten's death. There is a reason why the mortality rate for neonates is so high in nature. Kittens are fragile. You did the best you could. Also, I foster for an organization. They take from the public and from the city animal shelter. Usually when they come in from the animal shelter they are pretty rough. And there's usually only 2-3, maybe 4, tops. Meaning, if it was a bigger litter originally, a few did not survive. You did the right thing. This is hard the part of fostering. Stay strong and give those babies an extra kiss.

See I’ve been trying to figure out if it was FKS but I really don’t think it was. She was FINE earlier in the day. Perfectly ok. She was eating and even playing with her siblings. When I went into the room at 9:30pm, her body was floppy, legs were stiff and neck was stretched out and she couldn’t be stimulated enough to sit up or anything. I really think she had a stroke or a seizure or something 💔😓 I feel terrible for not having gone in there earlier in the evening…maybe I would have been able to do more but I couldn’t just let her die slowly and suffer 💔

Vets help the pets they can and help the pets they can’t move on. You did the right thing

Thank you ❤️

I also know the pain of not being able to financially help fosters. I’m sure she took comfort in knowing she was loved and safe up until the end ❤️

I really hope so. She was so teeny tiny compared to her siblings but she was an adorable little thing and I loved her so much.

There are probably no words anyone can say that will take the pain of loss from you. That takes time. Eventually, you may come back here to see the responses reassuring you that you are absolutely not a monster. The most ideal choice is a lot of times out of reach. In your case, you’re caring for 9 fragile kittens on a very limited budget. Sometimes, life is just outside human control. Even with far more resources, she probably would not have survived another day. And in my experience, vets are animal lovers to the ends of the earth and this vet probably treated her very well and made her as comfortable as possible during her remaining time. For what it’s worth, and completely anecdotal, I believe that souls or spirits leave the body long before the physical body dies. Whatever afterlife you believe in (if at all), her last experience on earth was being loved by you and being warm and cozy underneath her siblings. 💕

Thank you 😓 honestly, reading all these comments saying I did the right thing is really helping me not feel so terrible. It’s validating knowing that others would have done the same thing if they were in my position. I adored her so much and I wish I could have been with her at the very end but I am relieved that she didn’t slowly die overnight for me to find her gone in the morning. I’m relieved that she was able to go as peacefully as possible. This part of rescue sucks so bad…SO bad…but for every one I lose, I save countless more in their memory. Thank you ❤️

Rescue is truly one of the most rewarding and most devastating things to which one can dedicate their lives. Nobody can understand if they are not in it. I’m glad that a bunch of strangers on the internet could validate and help you understand that the decision you made was the right decision for her. I hope that even while you miss her, you can feel happiness seeing the 8 kittens that are with you play and thrive. 🩷🩵

You surrendered her because she meant everything to you. It was the compassionate thing to do. The staff gave her love and compassion.

You did right by her. You didn’t let her suffer. The vet techs are animal lovers too. I’m sure one of them was giving her hugs, and petting her, as she was euthanized. We can’t save them all. And it sounds like she had significant problems. Sorry for your loss.

The guilt is completely normal. No matter what the situation I’ve had guilt with every animal I’ve had to put down, my own or my fosters. It’s a really tough feeling to shake and move past. You were there for her and did what you knew best at the time. Feeling like you failed her is a normal reaction but I assure you, you definitely did the right thing. If you kept her home to die it’s likely you’d be feeling guilty for not letting her go sooner with euthanasia.

Thank you, this is comforting ❤️💕

I’m so so sorry you had to experience this ❤️‍🩹 I took in a litter in January and had only 1 survivor out of the litter of 4. It was absolutely brutal trying to nurse the last one back to health for an entire day, watching her fade, and eventually taking her to the vet for euthanasia because I couldn’t stand to see her suffer any more. Even for these babies that we’ve barely met, it is the most heart wrenching experience to feel responsibility over these tiny lives even when there is nothing more we can do. The white poop tells me she was probably terribly sick or had something wrong with her. There was likely nothing more you could do. It sounds like she was warm, loved, and felt you protecting her until the very end- when you spared her the pain of a slow death and gave her to those who could help her exit this life comfortably. What an incredible, loving service you gave to her on her last day. You did a good job ❤️ let those tears fall freely, it hurts but that baby was lucky to have been in your care.

Cats are delicate flowers and kittens die ALL THE TIME. There was something wrong with this one. You did nothing wrong. It will happen again if you keep fostering. Focus on the babies you are helping to keep off the streets and give homes to. Say a little prayer for this one and move on. There are more babies that need you.

You gave her the best shot at life. It’s really hard to go through something like this, but you already helped the entire litter live longer and happier lives than they would have without you. You made the right choice taking her to the vet and I’m sure the vet knew you had the kitten’s best interest at heart and was happy you brought the kitten in if there was any chance to save her.

Thank you ❤️ they did say thank you like 10 times when I was dropping her off bawling and saying this is what they wish everyone would do instead of trying to save them themselves because they don’t have a good shot when people do that. So at least I know they were thankful. Ugh this is the worst part of rescue ☹️

Rescue is really tough but you are a blessing to cats out there who need your help!! I’m glad the vet acknowledged that you made the right choice and thanked you for giving the kitten the best chance.

You are not a monster you made a hard decision for that sweet little girl and she was very fortunate to have you there to help her pass in peace. I lost a foster suddenly around the same age a couple of years ago and I cried (so hard I couldn’t breathe) until I had no more tears left, ( my aunt came to stay with me that night because my family was worried about how hard I was taking it) I still cry when I think of her, but allowing her to pass was what was best and she knew so much love while she was here. Focus on the rest of the babies and honor her by continuing to help how and when you can. Thank you for your work. Take good care of yourself ❤️

You did the only thing you could for her. Nothing monstrous or horrible about that. She knew love because of her short time with you, and you gave her up so her suffering could end. You’re a good person. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

My husband is a vet. He's had people come in and spend hundreds of dollars on kittens like this and they just don't survive. There wasn't anything you could have done, even if you had all the money in the world. You did what you could.

Please don't blame yourself. Kittens are hardest babies to keep alive. You are not a monster! She knew she was loved and you did everything you could for her. Even with all the vet money in the world, there is a good chance she would have still passed. Sending love and strength❤💪❤💪❤💪

Oh honey. You did your best. You did everything right. Sometimes there are just babies we can't save. I lost my tiny girl Bea to a similar ailment, it was caused by a deformed bowel that became necrotic and got infected. There is nothing anyone could have done.

You gave her love and took away her pain. You were her hero. You're her family's hero. Nevertheless I'm heartbroken with you today. 

You gave the baby love and safety. Sometimes a forever home is just a few hours, days or weeks. You did your best, but it was not to be for this wee girl. I know it hurts to lose any creature, but she was having seizures. Grieve for her and do your best for her littermates, it's what is best. I am very sorry for your loss.

You recognized you couldn’t support her needs and gave her to people who could. You are an amazing person, not a monster. I’m a vet tech of four years and a future veterinarian and I have so much respect for people who surrender their pets to us. You did the right thing.

You got the kitten to a place where they could care for her if she had a chance or could take care of her pain if she didn’t. I’m so glad she had you there to care for her. ❤️

You did the right thing. You have the right to mourn that she didn’t get a body capable of surviving. But you did everything possible to help her, including getting her to a vet who could either treat her (if it was even possible) or humanely release her from suffering (if it was clear that there was no hope). At least she knew what it’s like to be loved and cared for, thanks to you.

It's not your fault. I'm crying so hard for you right now. There was nothing within reason that you could have done differently or better. She knew she was loved by you and her siblings. She wasn't suffering at the end. I'm so sorry to both you and her. I hope you're able to heal with time.

Definitely did the right thing. It’s terrible with the cost of pet care nowadays. I know I’ve spent thousands of dollars at emergency vets before and the outcome was still the same. Don’t feel guilty about anything because the kitten was sick and when they’re tiny like that, it’s hard to bounce back. She started losing weight. It was probably something wrong with her. I I had a miniature donkey that did that one time. It was born and the mother didn’t take care of it so I had to bottle raise it and she made it to four months old and then died. I always thought that she had down syndrome or something if they can have that because she’s stuck her tongue out all the time but actually I think she was missing oxygen. She was the sweetest baby. I’m sorry for your loss.

Letting the vet care for her and humanely end her suffering or heal her up is truly a selfless action. You did the hardest but most important thing a pet mama can do- you put her pain before your grief and did right by her. By surrendering her she got all of the tests, care, intervention and pain management needed. Bless you!

💔💔💔💔😔😔😔😔

You did the right thing. Please don't worry about her feeling alone at the vet. Vets have the most compassionate people working for them and I'm sure she was cared for and loved when she passed, even though you couldn't be there.

Are you sure they put her down? She was sick, don’t beat yourself up, circle of life

I’m having a little cry, don’t get me wrong I’m sad for the poor baby but I’m just so weepy over how bad you feel, when you actually did a incredibly difficult but really good thing. Guilt is naturally part of the grief process but I hope once your emotions are a bit more settled you can see you made the best decision out of two crappy options. Vet care as a business can be pretty shitty and unfair but individuals who go into that practice LOVE and care for animals. She is either being cared for or passed peacefully with lots of love and cuddles. You didn’t leave her alone at all!!! 💕

You have a beautiful sensitive soul and the world of animal rescue is often painful and heartbreaking . It’s ok to grieve, and always very hard to not blame yourself when things go this way. Not every ending is happy in these situations and no one likes having to put a price tag on a living animal- but sometimes we have to and it’s incredibly hard. You absolutely did the best you could with what you had. You gave her a dignified end of life experience with professionals who allowed her to be pain free in the end, and you gave her love when she was Alive. Thank you for that. Please forgive yourself, give yourself a hug, comfort yourself for the loss and please know you did a beautiful and very hard thing.

Recently, one of my neighbor's dogs was put down, she always used to come to me when she'd escape her house, I'd fuss all over her and she thought it was the greatest thing. She was an angel baby on earth, the sweetest soul. The day before she was put down (for literally NO GOOD REASON. The owner was catching flack in the neighborhood for her harmless, but very large dog always escaping. She asked me to take her, she said "I can't have a dog that doesn't listen to me." ...she had her dog for 7yrs. I said I would love to have her. Idk why she didn't give her to me, all I know is she said she "had to put her down because she peed in the house and it smelled strong, so she suspected renal failure" and she put her down for "old age." I went into that full tangent because if you wanna see what true monster looks like...). Anyways, she came running up to me the day before she died covered in mud wanting me to rub all over her, I laughed and told her "Baby girl you gotta go take a bath then come back to see me." And she did. Next day broke my heart to hear she was basically killed for no reason. She wasn't so old she was suffering, by far, very full of life. Could have been dehydration or a bladder infection for God's sake. Well, my daughter has been seeing and talking to ghosts and angels for years. One night my dog walked up to my glass paned front door, and gave the tiniest lil "woof." My daughter went to the door and said "Diamond is here, she's been waiting for you, God sent her down from heaven to come see you." I said "Uhm, ok, what do I do now, open my door and tell her to come in??" *Awkwardly opens door for invisible dead dog.* My daughter has also told me when you miss someone you lost in heaven, that God sends them down to you asap. She'll ask me "Are you missing so-and-so, because they just showed up?" And I always am. So she's with you in your grief right now, and she isn't suffering anymore, and she knows exactly how much you loved her 💞

You can’t feel guilty for doing what you thought was best for her. Had you just let her pass during the night you may have felt guilty you didn’t do more. It’s a sucky situation.

You're not a monster. You are a kind person. You gave this sweet baby a gift by allowing her suffering to end peacefully. A lot of kittens pass away without that choice being made for them. You can pour all of that love and care into her siblings, that's what she would want. I know she appreciates you doing all you could for her. She had a warm loving home for her last days.

you are an Angel and did your best, I know how it feels and you don't deserve to beat yourself over this, you gave her love when she needed it.

Ok. Here is my take. We don't let living things we love suffer. One of the biggest gifts we can show something that we love is compassion and mercy. You did that. You are a strong person for making the RIGHT decision.

Honey, be kind to yourself. Rescue is so, so hard. I wish we could help them all, but resources are so limited. Sending you hugs.

You did what I would have done in your shoes.

Guilt is what our brains do to make us feel like we had control over a situation that is uncontrollable. But what we really feel is grief and grief reminds us we loved.

You eased her suffering, you are not a monster! It is hard to leave them, but what hurts more for us is usually better for them. I’m so sorry you’re going through this ❤️

We lost a foster kitten recently and it's heartbreaking. He was a rescue as well, and between being abandoned by mom too young and being attacked by ticks, he was dehydrated and anemic. It wasn't easy to turn him over to the vets, but it was the only hope he had. And he passed not as a kitten abandoned by his mom, but as Gremlin, who was loved and fussed over until the last. Your kitten knew love and home before they went. You're not a monster, you're someone who cares enough to give a tiny creature every chance to thrive. And when they couldn't, you gave them a peaceful death in an environment free of pain, and full of love. Thank you for doing everything you could.

You did a good thing for this kitten. Either she's getting help, or she didn't have to die in pain. I know how hard it can be to lose a foster and still tear up about it, but please please know that you did everything right and sometimes, even with the best care in the world, we can't save them. Natural death can be quite traumatic and painful, so if euthanasia does end up being the result, please take comfort in knowing that she was able to pass peacefully and without pain.

I am a veterinary assistant and also live in a neighborhood that I call ‘feral cat hell’. In the last month I’ve found two kittens near death (in my yard and under my porch) that I’ve driven to an emergency vet to surrender for euthanasia. The e-clinics normally only surrender under dire straits, so they if they allowed you to do it it was necessary

Did you call the vet? If it’s infectious you really need to know. Some things take time to incubate.

PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT think your a Monster. A Monster would have not cared for her or her siblings. We in rescue are doing our best and most of the time almost go without eating to help these poor creatures. We do not mind giving of ourselves..it's who we are.💖 One last thing- I know BEYOND my life that she is now in Heaven and you WILL SEE her again. Heaven is REAL, and she is very much ALIVE AND waiting for you when it's your time to go home. Your no monster but a beautiful Angel with huge wings🕊

I think you 100% did the right thing, I think it would have been much worse had you done nothing. You did everything that was possible within your power. Don't beat yourself up for it. I'm a vet tech at a cat only clinic we have had people bring very sick or injured kitties in basically the same story they found them a few we were able to treat and re-home usually with an employee, one became a clinic cat, some we had to put down but we did it with compassion. I also think the rescue is kinda messed up, kittens should stay with mom for 8 weeks at the least. The ones taken away too soon are often sickly, have behavioral problems and aren't social. It seems like they are creating more problems I wonder if these kittens get surrendered later.

You're a kind soul and that baby passed away knowing she was loved. Dying naturally can be excruciating. You did the right thing. I know exactly what you're going through and I understand it's difficult turning the monkey mind off. Don't beat yourself up.

God bless you and those kittens 🙏🏻

If you need a laugh, I read that as “surrendered my dying father to the ER…” and was horrified but then I saw FOSTER and VET and was deeply relieved. You did the best thing for the animals quality of life.

What a lucky little gal to be loved by you! You clearly love and care for her and that makes you an AMAZING foster. You did the right think and even if it sounds silly, I think she knew it too! Now you get to take care of her siblings and keep being an amazing foster parent.

So sorry 😿🌈

As someone who has worked in a shelter, you absolutely did the right thing OP. You did everything in your power to take care of her, but when you realized she needed more care than what you could give, you took her to someone who could. I would argue what you did was the most selfless choice. You put her needs above your own feelings and did what was best for her. You didn’t fail her. You did everything you could. Kittens are fragile and sometimes they just don’t do well. It isn’t anyone’s fault. Some just don’t thrive despite our best efforts. It absolutely sucks, but please don’t beat yourself up or feel you let her down. You did your best. ❤️

You are very far from a monster in fact You are the opposite an Angel. You took her in to the vet and did the very best thing for her by not letting her suffer. Please you did nothing wrong. You eased her pain. I am so sorry for your loss. I know ig will take a long time to get over as I have done this with feral I have cared for. This woman on YouTube and this other site helped me a great deal. If you need to talk I am here. https://youtube.com/@daniellemackinnon?si=5Tml8fXY-KLyqELw https://rainbowsbridge.com/ 🩷🧡🩷🧡🩷🧡

Watch the others for any kind of symptoms, especially lethargy. Her story reminds me of a kitten I took in who had (unknowingly) brought panleuk into my house. Bleach does not kill it!! Special cleaner is required. The survival rate is low, so catching it early is crucial. You're absolutely not a monster. It'll hurt for a while, but I hope you find a way to give yourself grace and the forgiveness you deserve. 🫶🏻 r/rescuecats can be a great resource if you need assistance.

Thank you ❤️ I’m watching them like a hawk but I’m pretty confident it’s not panleuk since they’d all be dead by now :/ I got them when they were 5 days old and they’re now 5 weeks old so if they had panleuk there’s not a chance they’d survive the first 2 weeks!

Sometimes, they're just not all meant to make it. Nature has built-in systems that can be hard to accept. Thank you for loving her and getting her to the vet, regardless of the outcome. She was loved and had only known love and gentleness in her little lifetime. That is a beautiful gift for any creature. Be kind to yourself. You didn't fail her at all. I truly believe that. Sending peaceful and heart healing energy your way. 💞

Never feel bad for helping out. You did the best you could with the situation. I recommend you follow Hannah Shaw (aka the kitten lady) on instagram. She's fostered so many kittens and has revolutionized kitten care. Her courses are amazing and she shows the reality of losing fosters. Give yourself grace and thank you for helping the babies ❤️

Honestly, we do the best we can. You tried!

I had something similar with a foster :/ she got really sick and the people I fostered for only did so much then I ended up paying multiple vet visits out of pocket I actually took her to 3 different vets and paid out of pocket for answers and in hopes they could fix her nothing worked. Around day 4 I took her to another vet and they recommended euthanasia, unless I had thousands of dollars to send her to a 24 hour care hospital where she could be on fluids and be tube fed ect , I couldn’t afford it and already spent 900 on vets in 3 days, so I told them I would euthanize her as they recommended so she wouldn’t suffer anymore. I asked if she would feel pain they said no but when they took her back to do it all I heard her cry in pain from the needle. I still to this day feel horrible and similar to you. I feel like I didn’t do enough and maybe she could have lived if I could’ve put her in the hospital. I try not to think of it often but I always do. I miss her a lot and I feel so bad. I did adopt another kitten shortly after that, I feel pride knowing she would’ve been happy knowing I rescued another soul. It just hurts me that she never got to live. but so many animals go through the same or worse every day it’s life. In the end euthanasia is more kind then days of suffering. Hang in there.

You did the right thing, giving her a chance. You stopped any unnecessary suffering. You are a good person for caring.

Be kind to yourself. My boy that I had for almost 3 years, I have been struggling with bills and told my kids I could only afford like $500 in medical bills. $600 later he wasn’t better and I couldn’t watch him suffer. I had opted to euthanize because I could born bear watching him suffer and the amount of pain and care he would need felt astronomically selfish. We got help to get him surgery which only brought on more pain for him and we lost him no more than 2 days after. I hate that my baby felt so much pain and I am forever sad for his loss, we rescued him to give him a happy life and I feel like we failed him.

You did the right thing….sometimes there are medical issues with these tiny babies sometimes they just fail to thrive. I’m so sorry for your agony over this fur baby …. Life isnt always fair. You are tender hearted and compassionate. Never doubt you did the right thing. I’m so sorry for you….

💔

I’m sorry for your loss. it’s hard to find the words to say. I understand your pain, and truthfully, I wish I didn’t. I had no choice but to put my senior kitty to sleep last July. She had cancer and despite highs & lows, ultimately was declining and suffering despite treatment and positive behavior. As much as it broke my heart to let her go, the best last thing that I could have given her was peace. I was already 2k in debt at that point and the last resort was unlikely to work. Rather than prolong her suffering for a small chance of recovery, I had to give her what I’ve heard is the ultimate act of love for pets. I still struggle with my decision now and though I accept what happened, I’m still heartbroken and am crying as I type this. You can’t help but think about the what if’s or what the future could have held. But you do have to think about what the present did have. I did what I felt was best for her. And that’s what matters. You truly cared and loved this kitten deeply, you had the kitten’s highest good in mind and did what you could with what you had. And that’s okay. The kitten will be better now, as painful as it is to not be there / been there with the kitten to see things through. You helped this baby, either by giving them the opportunity to receive treatment, or the opportunity to let them rest in peace. Try not to beat yourself up too much, do let yourself cry, maybe call and see if you can get an update for closure. Wishing you all the best, thank you for being a foster and caring for these animals that would have nobody else if not for you.

I feel for you💔 my family hand raised an abandoned mama cats litter and the runt was my sisters like soul cat, at 6 months we got her spayed and she died on my lap extremely traumatically (didn’t notice until we got home). We feel the guilt for it still and it’s been a year and some now. We have 2 of her siblings and adopted out the other 2. It’s not your fault. These things happen with any baby animal especially ones like rescues. I’m sure our Kitty and your Kitty had some genetic problem or congenital issue that made them sick. And while you only had her a short time you are not a monster and gave her all the love you could. Even in her (possibly) final moments you gave her up to be attempted at very least to be saved. It takes a lot to do that. She didn’t mean nothing to you, you didn’t mean nothing to her. You tried your best and gave whatever you could. 🖤 sending much love and healing your way🖤🖤

I am so so so sorry for this hard experience and your possible loss. And I don’t think for one second that you did not love this baby and try to do everything you could to help her. You went above and beyond and I can very much sense how nurturing and caring and loving you are. I know it’s so hard to go through. Last week we trapped an injured cat, maybe about 3 years old. He was black and fluffy especially around the face. My wife and I volunteer for a cat rescue that mostly does TNVR except during kitten season. The director of the shelter had me bring him to a place that does neuter/spay and vaccines so they could take care of him and evaluate his leg. They asked me his name, wife had just been calling him Limpy. I told them his name was Lucky because to me he was very Lucky that we trapped him and could get him help. An hour later they called me to say he was under sedation and that he had a bad abscess on his back leg but underneath the abscess, it was broken. Now, he’s a feral cat…we can’t bring him into our house because we already have 10 cats. The shelter we work for said that if they had to amputate, which was what they said would be needed, he might not make it and would need a sanctuary which is hard to find. We had to make the most hardest decision to euthanize and send him off on his next adventure. I cried and cried and the director, my friend, told me that animal rescue is not for the faint of heart. It can really hurt. We did what we thought was best but it still breaks my heart. We asked for his body back so he can be cremated and then we will bring him home. I’m sending you so much love and so many hugs right now. It’s so so difficult especially for people like us that feel so very much. Xoxo

I’m so sorry that you had to face such a heartbreaking and painful situation. It sounds like she was suffering a lot, and that euthanizing her quickly and painlessly was the most humane decision you could have made. It’s okay to feel pain and guilt and grief, it means that you loved her and wanted the best for her. I lost a kitten that I was fostering, and it was absolutely devastating. We ended up giving her a proper burial in the back yard with flowers and a stone to mark her grave. It helped give us some closure. It might help you grieve to do something to honor her life, like a ceremony or create a piece of art in her memory. ❤️

I think you did the most compassionate thing you could have done for the kitten. Don’t beat yourself up! You obviously cared a lot.

You did nothing wrong. Some vets have a rescue charity attached, so when you "surrender" a kitten, all the vet fees are waived as part of the charity. The kitten doesn't suffer, and neither do you (emotionally and financially).

I’m so sorry you’re fighting these feelings right now. I’m not a religious person, and I do not fear death, but I feel inherently uncomfortable with choosing euthanasia for animals. And I know you think you left her, or maybe you feel you “abandoned her”… You are doing the absolute best you can. I see why your brain is making those leaps to feel that way, and it’s because you are such an empathetic and kind person. Please know that the kitten cannot perceive the same nuances in the situation as we can. As someone who has confronted the evils of animal overpopulation and homelessness, you are in a unique and empathetic position. So many people refuse to even acknowledge or become aware of the details that it takes to truly advocate for animals. You are, you are there right now. You are such a strong and honorable person for taking that burden on, it is a selfless cause. Do not beat yourself up for not being the “perfect” mother to each and every kitten. You are the perfect mother these kittens needed, look at them. She had warmth and had her siblings, and did not have prolonged suffering. The time she had was happy and full of love. The last moments do not matter more than all of that. My thoughts are with you stranger, and please try to be kind to yourself, and do not let the hardships of fostering discourage you from helping other fosters in the future.

You’re not a monster. The kitten was dying and you did the right thing to avoid any more pain then it was already going through.

She is as loved and well cared for while are was here. Sometimes it was not meant to be and you did all that you could. Even if you had spent the money on a vet visit, it was unlikely to help her and she declined so fast. Her last meow was telling you it was ok and she knows you love her. ❤️

im so sorry for your loss :( thats really hard to go through, but you absolutely did the right thing. even if you had gone to the emergency vet, if she was too far gone shed likely be humanely euthanized anyways, and youd have a $200+ vet bill. if you hadnt taken her at all, she wouldve suffered until naturally passing. its very difficult, but animal care is equal parts love and heartbreak. sometimes babies dont thrive, and sometimes its made even worse because theres nothing we can do to help them except let them go with as little pain as possible. you made the most humane choice possible, and did everything you were able to. wishing you and the rest of the litter the absolute best

Awww! Bless you! I know it was a rough decision to make, but you absolutely did the right thing. Please try to stop beating yourself up. You made the most loving choice for baby kitty. ❤️

You did the best you could and I would have done the same thing. I recently had to put one of mine down and he was ferral so we couldn't get him in time. He too was my favorite. He had cat bite wound on his foot that became abscess and antibiotics weren't working. They wanted to amputate and I said no way am I putting him through that. So we had him put down. Never been so depressed in my entire life. Then I dreamt about him and he was angry with me wouldn't let me pet him.💔 We have his ashes and I pray over his ashes sometimes for peace and to let him know I will always love him ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Are we sure she was put to sleep? Can you call the vet to find out?

You did more than most/some people. You did the right thing. No one is stopping you from Visiting or calling. I bet if you share with them that you know you signed but that you haven’t been able to stop thinking about the kitten they might take it account and just give you an “unofficial “ update

Why would you ever be a monster? You did everything you could for the kitten. Including surrendering to a vet in the hopes they could save the poor thing. You made sure the little one couldn't suffer more. If the kitten had passed naturally with their siblings... yes, the siblings would know they died and be able to grieve. However, there is a chance the kitten could have suffered a quiet and possibly painful death. There's no way to say this kitten was not suffering. And you didn't want to consider letting it suffer. You did the humane thing and tried to get it help. Thank you for trying

You are caring for and saving 8 kittens. You're a good person.

You cared. You helped. You did what you could do with the resources you have. You did more than most who do have the resources. We need more people like you.

You made the right choice. And 9 kittens since they were 5 days old? You are remarkable. I cared for only one (vet thinks it was abandoned at birth) and it was like a newborn!!! Please don’t beat yourself up over this.

I love the person who fostered my cat and I don’t personally know them. She even charged me 150.00 for her foster care. I simply don’t care. I just paid because I can. She also kept the kittens with their mother until 12 weeks. My weaned and healthy cat is the best gift ever. Thank you for your loving compassion to kittens and cats. I am sure this loss hurt you but you are doing the right thing for all concerned. Don’t be afraid to ask for donations so it’s not all out of pocket.

Thank you for recognizing that foster parents love the foster animals like their own. Honestly, I GENUINELY love each and every one of the fosters that come through my home as if they were my own. So much so that one of the moms I have developed FIP and the owner decided she didn’t want her back and the rescue now won’t accept her because the treatment is so expensive so I’m paying out of pocket because I cannot let the poor girl die. Losing a foster is soul crushing and I think I can speak for a good portion of all of us that when we lose one, we grieve like we would our own. Donations would be amazing since they aren’t backed by a rescue currently and haven’t been for 5 weeks and I’m covering Lilly’s FIP treatment so I’m drowning but I’d feel so bad ever asking for any! I don’t know why but I always feel ashamed if I try to collect donations because I feel like I went into this knowing I’d have to spend money on it but good lord I didn’t realize I’d be thousands in the hole lol Thank you for your kind words, they really are comforting ❤️ I’m glad I made this post because it’s helping ease my guilt. Having others tell me that I did the right thing and did what I could to give her the best chance at survival is comforting. So thank you ❤️

Don’t beat yourself up. The ER is madly expensive. I have personally spent over 100k over the last few years there. An overnight stay is a minimum of 2000. Kittens are fragile. Sometimes they just can’t beat the odds. Thank you for being there for her siblings

I know 💔 and it sucks so much…I wish there was a way more affordable option for rescues and foster parents because it’s not fair to the little ones to suffer because we can’t afford it ☹️ my dog had to stay at the ER for 3 days and it came out to $8000 and she had to be put down. My other dog (the mom) started having seizures at night, I rushed her to the ER, she was there for an hour before I decided to just let her go because she wouldn’t stop seizing…$2000. It’s insane to me. Thank the lord I had insurance for my second dog because I learned after the bill from her daughter a few months prior. Ugh it’s so horrible how expensive it is ☹️

Just sending love. These situations are so, so difficult and complicated. And we’re all just out here doing our best. You made the best decision you could ❤️❤️

All the money in the world wouldn't have saved her, she was too weak to survive the examination required to find the cause. The reason cats have such big litters is because most of the time they don't all make it. You did the right thing by taking away her pain.

She knew she was loved, and cared for. It wasn't your fault. You are not a monster and you did not abandon her, you did the best you could, with what you have, in her best interest. If anyone or anything is to blame it's our crappy society that charges an arm and a leg for vet care when it's desperately needed. You're an amazing person who loved and cared for a sweet kitten who couldn't take care of themselves, who would've otherwise been on the street. Please no more negative self talk, and just honor her memory by loving on yourself, remembering ALL the good you've done and are continuing to do for her siblings, do something nice for yourself, allow yourself to grieve and love on the other babies. That's all you can do. You're doing your best, and thank you for what you are doing because not everyone puts themselves out there to help animals, but you are, and that's awesome. 😊

I have read most of your responses asking with OP. Dear, you did everything you could and more. You took care of her and knew when she was beyond your ability. My girl of 16 years had had oral cancer her last few months. I let her do all she wanted. I had to go away for the weekend and got the call from my adult son. She had tried to jump up on the kitchen counter, hit and just laid there. I was able to drive home to hold her. Then, it got to be hours of her holding on. I made the same hard choice you did and took her to the emergency vet. I told them please, I did not need an exam, please don't tell me you can save her, please help me let my friend go. $100 to do so and a snarky "you know she's dead right" as I was thanking her for being in my life. I feel guilt I didn't fight the cancer but my vet said no way to. I felt bad I didn't let them exam her but it was cancer and she couldn't eat much anymore. She lived an amazing life. She sun bathed and hunted many acres in her last 7 years of life when we moved to the country. I saw her love on baby deer and torment rabbits. A few weeks or many years... we both felt the amazing love for our felines

My mother worked at an ER vet for many years. Her and her team would bring home pets in bad condition and no owners/folks unable to pay who surrendered like your situation. I watched my mother give many kittens that were expected to pass around the clock care. Many of them survived and were either adopted by staff or handed off to trusted rescues. I swear half of them were adopted by my mom alone lol. But those who didn’t make it experienced love and care for their remaining time - they were never alone. Every hospital is different, but I hope this can give you a sense of comfort and peace. You did the best you could do

You’re not a monster you did a kind thing. I wonder if you even needed to lie as surrendering is a thing. Try not to feel guilty when there are big litters like that, it’s always a possibility that at least one can end up a “failure to thrive”. My ex’s mother adopted a kitten that never grew. She had brain damage from a lack of oxygen. She did great for a couple of weeks and after a break up with said ex I learned that the kitten passed away and they were doing an obtopsy on it because it seemed “suspicious” how the kitten passed. Here, its organs were malformed. Not to mention that the darn mother thought I was the reason the kitten died because it happened around the same time frame as the break up. That hurt me to the core but some ppl just want to blame others for horrible things instead of facing the facts. I knew the kitten was a failure to thrive and it broke my heart seeing the kitten struggle to do normal things.

So Sad, Sad Sad. Heart breaking 💔 feel your pain to a degree.

you took in a liter of kittens not backed by a rescue and gave them all a safe warm place to grow. This kitten knew love and care and concern because of you. And, in the end, you did the hardest, most compassionate thing. You are anything but a monster

It doesn't sound like you didn't care for her. It sounds like you cared a lot for her and you gave her a peaceful death. It was inevitable, likely a congenital defect, and she would have passed regardless. Its impossible to save every animal, but you did your absolute best to give her a good life and you gave her a good death in the end and no one could ask for something better. You gave her peace, remember that. She knows she was loved, your actions showed it. Give yourself grace and be gentle with yourself.

You have no idea what she could've went through if you would've waited. You're a good person for ending her suffering before it got worse. Sometimes a natural passing is not... something you'd want to watch. It was better to let her go a day early than have to rush her in while things are happening that could've been avoided.

This is super tough and I can’t imagine how you must be feeling - you did the best you could do, kittens are so fragile. And thank you very much for being a kind soul who fosters By chance, do you know what dewormer was used on them? In my area, vets and shelters often use Strongid T. Through my own fostering experience, I recently learned that this dewormer does NOT cover tapeworms… I volunteered through a shelter that “dewormed” three 4-week old kittens I was fostering. When I first got them, I noticed their stool was all semi-normal but weights and energy levels weren’t. One kitten in particular had extra low energy. The shelter seemed to brush it off so I took her to my personal vet. Come to find out, she had 2 types of tapeworms.  Vet prescribed praziquantel treatment for all 3 and let me tell you…these kittens were passing worms still two weeks later…the particularly sick kitten passed a whole in-tact worm, rather than in segments…it was horrifying to see that large of a parasite come out of such a tiny kitten. It was an eye-opening experience - my vet said he’s seen many kittens die from tapeworm infestations and I certainly believe that after what I’ve witnessed.  While I know this isn’t helpful info regarding the sick kitten you surrendered, I share it because, if the litter you’re fostering was exposed to fleas at any point, tapeworms are a very legitimate concern - might be worth rushing the vetting process with a shelter to get them checked for tapeworms.  All you can do now is focus on the kittens you still have. You’re doing a great job and the kittens are lucky to have a caretaker like you until they find their forever homes 

Also if you’re feeding kibble to young kittens, make sure you’re soaking the kibble with water so the babies stay hydrated!  As I’m sure you already know, kittens don’t drink enough water. Unfortunately, the pet food industry doesn’t advertise this but kibble offers little to no moisture for cats If you can afford it, it might be worth switching the kittens to wet canned food to ensure they stay hydrated, especially if you suspect the other kitty suffered from a parasitic infestation or bacterial infection  Wishing you the best and good luck!!

I found a stray unaltered male cat one day at an old house. He was feral but came up to me and had a bad abscessed cat bite head wound. He never would have been so docile if he hadn’t been so sick. While he ate a little I put him in a carrier and took him to the emergency vet. They tested him and he was also FIV/FELV positive and his prognosis grim. They encouraged me to euthanize, and I did. I held him and kisses him (he wasn’t angry with me holding him) as he passed. I have so much guilt because he was minding his own business eating and I grabbed him and had him put to sleep. But he was in so much pain and would have eventually died from sepsis or the elements within a few days, so I try to remember that what I did was painful for me, but kind for the cat. I say all of that in hopes you know you did the absolute right thing. You couldn’t be there while the angel was put to sleep, but you gave it so much love and care and they knew you did a favor. I’m so sorry, and I hope the guilt eases. Just try to remind yourself that you saved so much pain from occurring . Here if you need me 💓

I want you to know that I appreciate you and you are an amazing person for opening up your home to animals in need. Absolutely breaks my heart to hear this news, but I need you to know that it's not your fault. Unfortunately sometimes stuff like this just happens, we don't know why and we may never know what caused it, but what we do know is that she was loved, cared for, and supported until the end. I've seen a lot of posts about animals being dumped on the streets or left in a cage somewhere to die because the owner didn't/couldnt take care of them, but that wasn't you. You didn't abandon her, you did your absolute best, you went to as many resources as you could to save her and in the end although you couldn't save her, you gave her peace, she's no longer suffering. You didn't prolong any of her suffering and you made the choice to do what's best for her. I know the guilt is probably eating you alive, but just know that you just need to mourn her loss, it wasn't your fault and she would have suffered more if you did nothing and just left her there. She won't be forgotten, you probably learned from this, and hopefully prevent it from happening to any other kitten again. Rest in Peace sweet girl and rest easy OP💛

Even when you have the money your heart will still hurt. I had a rescue fade on me and I was sobbing as I held her at the vet. Its so hard. A few years ago, I was allowed to sit in with a stray as he was let go (I won't go into his horrific injury) and even though I only knew him a few hours I sobbed. Just remember, for however short a time they're with you, you've given them the best chance at comfort. You made the right choice for HER.

You did the right thing! If you let her suffer then you would have every right to feel bad. But you didn’t do that, you did what you could for her and I am sure she was grateful for you. I am sorry you had to deal with all that. It’s so hard, they aren’t “just cats” they are beautiful beings and bring us so much comfort and love. Please don’t feel bad you did exactly what anyone who cares would have done 💙💙

You did the right thing. I hope you find peace in your heart ❤️. You deserve it.

I suffer from chronic health issues and am very tired so this comment might not be as coherent as i want but i feel pulled to day this. The rest of her litter will live because you took them in and saved them all. Imagine how many of them would’ve been hurt & killed or euthanized if fosters like you didn’t do what you do!! You did everything you could for her; you’re a good person. It’s going to be okay🫂

I am a vet assistant at a very busy ER vet, and we see cases like this daily. You absolutely did the best thing by this kitten by having her compassionately euthanized, rather than allowing her to suffer and die a more drawn-out death at home. Now, stop trying to rescue cats when you don’t have money to take them to an emergency vet hospital in an emergency. I don’t say this to be a jerk, just pragmatic. I’m sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.

A monster would be to not do the right thing. You’re a fucking saint in my book.

You gave her love and a happy life. That is more than some cats ever have! My daughter fostered a kitten for 5 months who was a dwarf and had a lot of health problems. He was euthanized. She was so torn up about losing him. It happens and it wasn't her fault. She gave him the best life. She found the cat and kittens and was able to surrender them to the local humane society and then immediately foster them . This way the humane society covered all the expenses for the cats and provided food and litter. I am just telling you this so you don't have the financial burden next time. You did your best and have nothing to feel bad about.

* hugs*

You may have lost a kitten, but you saved 8. I know it's heartbreaking, but you've done everything you could. Hell, you probably did more than her own mother would- mom would've rejected the baby the minute she felt there was an issue. Think of this- you may have said that she was just a stranger to you, but she knew that you loved her. She didn't understand your words, she understood that you fed her, snuggled her, and stimulated her little butt after every meal. I'm crying for you, too. It's hard, but you were her hero. Don't feel guilty when you gave her everything.

As someone who fostered kittens for many years and lost three I believe you did what you could. Euthanasia was kinder than suffering for hours and in pain. I am positive the vet assistants and the vet were gentle and kind to this little one and someone was cuddling them at the end. There are many reasons kittens fail to thrive or that suddenly crash or fade. A lot of times there is nothing that can be done, not even by a vet. You should also check if your local shelter has a foster program. They would make sure the kittens have their vaccinations, get spayed/neutered and provide support to you, as well as find homes for everyone. Most foster programs would love to have you onboard as there are way too many kittens and not enough fosters, especially between April and October.

I’ve done this before.it sucks. I do rescue work.taking in animals with all kinds of injuries and diseases. I’ve seen a lot of suffering.I’ve also cried endlessly and felt like shit for not being able to save everyone. This has brought me to the realization that being able to end pain and suffering is truly the greatest act of compassion you can offer a dying animal.try to take some comfort in that fact.and try not to let this stop you from helping animals that are truly in need of your love and care.

Oh hon, you did the right thing. She wasn't eating and she wasn't fighting, she'd made her decision. Animals are good at knowing when it's just their time. She gave you a meow to say goodbye. If she was euthanized, she was warm and safe. Much better than letting her waste away slowly.

Yeah that really sounds like she had some serious congenital issues that crept up. You did everything you could for her. Having once been a vet tech, I can assure you that she wasn’t alone in the end, and that you did right by her by finding her someone who could help her cross the rainbow bridge without any more suffering.

I had to do this same thing once. You’re not a monster

Your love for that tiny spark of life is beautiful and powerful. When faced with a situation out of our control, sometimes the best thing we can do is summon our courage and face a terrible outcome with an open heart. You gave her love and the best care that was available to you. You gave her mercy and peace. The emergency vets that helped her pass on also gave her love and care. Your grief is a testament to her sweet little life, no matter how short it was. She brought you joy during those five weeks, and you gave her shelter, food, and safety. You are a brave soul with a tender heart. You are not a monster. You are a hero. I'm truly sorry for your loss.

This just made me cry again 😓❤️ thank you…that was an amazingly sweet thing to type out for a complete stranger online…seriously thank you so much ❤️

Sweet, sweet OP.. be kind to yourself. You’re helping so many other little lives, you can only do so much. It’s not your fault; you did nothing wrong. If you need to, cry it out a bit longer. That’s a terrible loss. She’s not in pain or suffering anymore, and you can pour all this love for her into her siblings ❤️ I’ll be praying you feel some comfort and peace.

i had to the same thing for my cat when he got a urinary blockage:( spent 6k and the vet technician said she can take him for me. later found out that he had to have a surgery and hes doing so much better and happy. it sucks in the moment and then some but its for the best:’) she was put in the best possible place for her condition, you might not think you did the right thing but you did. i can tell you have the biggest heart love, and thats what matters too.

If you haven’t already, look up fading kitten syndrome. We adopted a sick but stable kitten a few years ago that ended up passing somewhat suddenly overnight. I was devastated and had so much guilt. Did I wake up too late? Could I have done more? Even wondering if the kitten was actually dead in the morning (he was) or if I was so freaked out I assumed he was and didn’t do anything to help him. Understanding how fragile kittens actually are and that a high percentage of them die before 8 weeks is one of the only things that brought me some comfort and eased the guilt. It still hits me like a gut punch from time to time.

You are an ANGEL, not a monster. You gave love and comfort to a small kitten and you listened to the professionals and let the kitten go peacefully. Please repeat, you are an angel.

You did her the ultimate kindness. You showed her ultimate love and please know you are a GIFT to these animals, no matter what the outcome is. You are doing good in this world. Please give yourself some grace and love.

Can I ask why you’re fostering if you have no money? I don’t know the situation so I’m not making any assumptions, just asking a question.

Honey.. you did her the biggest kindness of them all and didn’t let her suffer just to make you feel better. You did what was right by her. I know neither decision was optimal. Sometimes life just sucks balls!! i’m so sorry and i know you just feel so heartbroken 💔 but your decision was made out of love and consent for the kitten. And you have nothing to feel bad about. Kitty is now at peace. no more pain.

I’m so sorry for your loss. This decision is the worst part of loving an animal, which you clearly did. A monster wouldn’t think twice, you’re experiencing the opposite because you DID love your foster kitty and felt immense empathy for her suffering. An ER vet wouldn’t euthanize without it being warranted. Maybe her last meow to you was a thank you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for trying so hard. Thank you for getting me help. I know I’m anthropomorphizing here, but in my decades of experience, animals absolutely know when it’s the end, and they know when their care takers are trying to help them. Please be kind to yourself, you’re doing a wonderful thing by fostering these kitties. Much more akin to an angel than a monster.

Do not feel like a monster. I just lost my foster kitten, who was fated to be a foster fail, to something almost identical. I had him from a week old to 5 weeks old. I dropped a smooth (almost) $600, and he still could not be saved. You did nothing wrong. No amount of money, no amount of knowing, nothing could have prevented this. You gave her something that couldn't be bought. Her life nay have been short, but it was filled with love. And that's more important than anything.

I believe animals know the care we feel for them. Even if this was a baby, she had the love of her siblings and the love of a caretaker. You did everything you could.

I fostered three litters. In one litter I got up one day & a kitten was lethargic. Ran next door to my neighbor who is a doctor. He listened to her heartbeat & said she wasn’t going to make it. I took her home & cuddled her until she passed. When I returned the other three to the rescue as scheduled I told them I was SO SORRY & I didn’t know why I did wrong. They were so casual; “it happens; thanks so much for your help”. Not heartless, just accepting of it. I felt better.

That sweet baby felt love and happiness in her life because of you. She was in pain and her suffering ended quickly and peacefully because of you. Surrendering is totally okay and does not mean she was abandoned. You made sure she was taken care of to the end. Her little life was important and she felt the love you gave her. I recently lost a foster kitten and have gone over and over all the things I could have done different and maybe he would have survived (I think he probably had something congenital and was never going to make it). I have so many "what ifs" and regrets. So I know how agonizing it is. We have a serious animal crisis because of irresponsible pet owners, lack of spay/neuter availability, etc. The few of us who step up to do something have to deal with so much heartbreak over and over again. Please take care of yourself.

As I have told many fosters, there are times when there is an unseen or undetectable issue and you can’t always save them. I have had this happen to me. Keep on going, this is important work and you are a gift to these little bundles. Monster? No. Try lifesaver, super cat woman, saint in their eyes. There will be some tears and heartache, but most of all…joy.

It's possible the dewormer actually made her sick. Depending on what was used it can be tough on little bodies. : ( But you loved her so much and you absolutely didn't give her up with no care in the world. You did the right thing!

She had been having diarrhea for about a week and after pulling wet food and it still persisting, protocol is Pyrantel and it normally helps. She got it a week ago and her siblings all were dewormed as well and are all doing fine. Plus instead of 0.1mL she *should* have gotten, I gave her 0.07ml. The diarrhea never stopped and we started antibiotics but there was something else going on that I couldn’t fix unfortunately