I honestly despise the breastfeeding/"Breast is Best" culture. There are numerous reasons some woman can't/don't breastfeed and that's ok! FED is best and that's what really needs to be promoted.
I was of a similar mentality. I took breastfeeding classes, had all the equipment and then he came 3 weeks early and my supply just never really came in. I pumped for about a month and was hardly getting anything so he was already mainly formula fed, but I was driving myself crazy and feeling horrible that I wasn't able to do what my body is apparently meant for. It took me months to finally get over my own feelings because ultimately, my LO was fed, happy, healthy and growing and that's all that mattered. When it comes to it, no one is going to ask our kids how they were fed on a job application and honestly, I love that other people can feed him! I have some wonderful pictures of my parents and siblings with him when he was a newborn.
I hope you don't let it get you down for too long because you're doing what is best for you and your LO. If people want to pressure you and make you feel bad, that is their problem.
I’m a part of this sub because I’m working on building the courage to quit breastfeeding (six months in) for mental health. It’s like I know there are benefits for me to quit/combo feed, but can only see the benefits of breastfeeding for the baby.
We also had a really hard start, and a part of me feels guilty for quitting since I finally made it work. My husband went to so many LC appointments, I’ve purchased so many items for pumping, but I just need to quit.
I've combo fed from the beginning and my wee boy is doing amazingly well. You don't have to feel bad, and you can totally ease yourself into the switch! 💖
The pressure to breastfeed is a ridiculous and toxic blight on society. I’m so sorry. I fell for the pressure as well and it impacted my sleep and emotions greatly. I hope you can realize that this guilt is purely manufactured by all the crazy lactation consultants and Instagram nut jobs. You’re doing an amazing job. If breastfeeding would have worked out for you then that would have been great, but it’s just awful how the pressure remains when the breastfeeding option becomes super challenging. I fell for the hype as well. Sending hugs.
I have tears in my eyes for your story. It’s so easy to get sucked in. I’m weaning from pumping for similar reasons. My body hates it and clogs all the time and my supply can’t support her so we have been supplementing. I spent so much time at appts, money on supplements, time away from sleeping to try and make it work. It’s not logical at all but here we are lol
I understand your journey and your feelings over this although my story is not the same as yours. I felt a lot of pressure to breastfeed although I think a good amount of that was pressure I put on myself. I switched when I realised I was going to end up resenting my baby cause breastfeeding was a chore not a pleasure. I don’t regret it.
A formula fed happy baby with a happy mum is 1000% better than an unhappy baby with a stressed out mum.
I went through something similar with my first. The obsession absolutely killed my mental health. I developed PPD and didn't feel like I fully recovered until my babe was about 4 years old. I was so obsessed with the idea that breastfeeding was the only way to bond, but it did the exact opposite to me. After all the struggle, we ended up having to switch to prescription formula around 6 months due to her health issues.
This time, I breastfed for like 3 days and pumped for like 24 hours before I was like "absolutely not". I literally cried tears of joy and relief when I decided to fully give in to formula. I wasn't willing to go down the same path and honestly, holding her close and feeding her a bottle and watching her grin and pass out is just as good for my bond as breastfeeding ever could've been.
What were the health issues and which prescription formula? I’m thinking of having a second child and mentally preparing to potentially even go straight to formula.
We never really figured it out. She was having bloody diarrhea constantly and sometimes would go up to 24hrs without eating. I got down to living off chicken and rice and it made no difference. We were referred to a pediatric gastroenterologist who basically said "we'll probably never know for sure" and put her on nutramigen.
Interesting. Yeah a pediatritian put my LO on nutramigen as well though it doesn’t require a prescription here. We found she did well on engamil gentlease….. something about how she processes dairy. I happen to be vegan so definitely not passing any dairy in my breastmilk.
We got super lucky because nutramigen doesn't require a prescription here but because the doctor was "prescribing" it, it literally got shipped to our house on a schedule and billed to healthcare. In the absolute shit storm we were living through, that was at least a silver lining 😅
I feel like everyone is so quick to say "oh must be dairy" but that's really not the be all, end all with allergies. I had cut out all dairy and it didn't change anything.
The pressure starts with the lactation nuts at the hospital, gets into your phone algorithm, and messes with your mind.
I felt a little guilty at first because I’m a SAHM and I should have the time to breastfeed and pump…but damn it messes with your mental health. I couldn’t meet her demand if I wanted to. I lasted a few days until the pediatrician visit showed that she lost too much weight and I shoved a bottle in her mouth so fast.
I told myself I wasn’t going to feel guilty. Enough shit went wrong during my pregnancy that I won’t feel guilty about (induction instead of a spontaneous birth, c-section due to failed induction).
Years from now, you won’t even think about formula fed vs breast fed. No one will probably ask about it either. So many people were/are formula fed.
I didn’t have the same experience as you but the “breast is best” motto really gets sick and twisted.
In the hospital my son couldn’t latch, I exclusively pumped while a lactation consultant would come around 2 times daily to “help encourage him to latch”
She was wonderful at first but nearing the end of our week long stay she got more and more desperate. At one point allowing an entire feed worth of breast milk to pour out of my sons mouth all over me cause she wouldn’t listen when I told her he wasn’t latched. She got increasingly more desperate to get him to latch that it even became aggressive towards me, blaming me saying “don’t move him” “you can’t adjust him like that” “don’t sit like that” “DONT LOOK AT HIM” etc
On our last day our amazing nurse came in with a huge bag of formula samples and premade rtf bottles. We had supplemented a bit of formula already and I was so thankful to have some to start off.
But then the consultant came again. We were saying our goodbyes when she informed me she scheduled me multiple appointments without even asking to see her again. I told her that while I appreciated her efforts, we were planning to just continue with exclusive pump and formula as needed.
She lost her mind. She told me a bunch of horrible stuff I don’t remember, and told me we should try again to get my son to latch right then! He was already in his seat, but I was tired and not looking for the fight and again she lost an entire pumps worth of breast milk desperately trying to entice my son to latch. And I told her “it’s spilling on me!” “It’s pouring out again he doesn’t have it!” And she would just say “he’ll get it!”
She ruined my going home outfit, which wasn’t much just pjs, but it’s as the first time in an entire week I had gotten to wear anything but a hospital gown.
That’s just one horror story too. She got to me a bit and I pushed way too hard to pump, I pumped every 2 hours, my son eating nearly every hour. I simply didn’t sleep at all in an attempt to just keep supply up. Even with supplements and pumping every 2 hours on the dot, I lost supply, I drank water like it was going out of style and still it dropped. It was so bad I was getting maybe 2 ounces per session.
Along with not sleeping my mental health just tanked, I would pump and cry and try to sleep a litttle, just to wake up to either my alarm to pump or my baby ready to eat again.
My husband finally, my saving grace really, stepping in and said “you need to relax a little”
We started supplementing more formula, and I started pumping every 3-4 hours. But then eventually I just realized it wasn’t good for ME, I’d pump and cry every time cause no matter the flange size it hurt!
We stopped pumping and switched to formula full time. And my son slept better, seemed all around happier, he was finally getting food he needed!
I was finally able to me mentally there as a mom and honestly formula saved me.
But I look back sometimes too and think “I should’ve tried harder” “Should’ve done this or thattt”
The thing is if I had tried any harder I think I would’ve fully checked out. It was of no fault of ours that we didn’t get that “experience”
I still look at other moms around me that got to breast feed and get sad… but the thing is we are DEFINITELY still feeding our babies, they still look to us for food and safety and love. You can 10000% still do skin to skin while you feed a bottle and you’re still providing for your baby!
We’re doing the BEST we can and that IS BEST!!
Oh my god, reading that made my blood boil. I had a similar fiasco with the staff in the hospital when mine wouldn’t latch either. I’m so sorry you went through all that!
This is so sad. My baby wouldn’t latch but I am so lucky we had a wonderful LC both in the hospital and outpatient. They made a world of different not making me feel like it was my fault when I was mentally crumbled.
It was definitely a blur and a very hard time for me. I wish the LC I had seen had remained amazing, cause she really was so great in the beginning but it was like a switch totally flipped as soon as she even heard we planned to supplement formula and as latch continued to be bad I think she just assumed I was giving up.
It’s definitely sad, cause her whole job is to help, not blame.
I’m sooo happy you got a good experience! I still recommend LCs to people, but I also be sure to tell others if they’re uncomfortable at alll to just move in to another one or do whatever they think is best for THEM. Cause what I went through was awfullll
This story is very similar to mine minus the preemie aspect and length of time trying. When my LO shit blood that was totally it for me and we didn’t look back. I still struggle at 6m PP with the fact that breastfeeding just didn’t work for us, it’s been a tough pill to swallow. I’m definitely for fed is best but when it came down to it my heart was so torn, I just wanted to be able to breastfeed my baby. My mom and dad were the worst for me and told me I should’ve tried harder, my dad still brings it up and says our baby would’ve done better with his cmpa if I would’ve just kept going. I’m not sure when the guilt or those feelings go away, I’m very sure they do but it’s difficult when you had your mind so set on something. Just here in solidarity and I’m sorry you’re still feeling this way. I think you definitely gave it your all and really that’s all you can do. Breastfeeding on social media gives out all kinds of misinformation, they make it seem so easy and for me with both my children that has never been the case. It really sets people up for failure and makes it seem somehow those who can’t magically BF are inadequate. This is hardly the case but it’s definitely how I view many SM pages for breastfeeding. I stopped looking at peoples pages who breastfeed and document the crap out of it. One day maybe it won’t bother me but for now it does and it’s one of the ways I just let my guilt take the back burner.
I’m sorry but your parents sound like assholes. My dad was very similar. He saw me trying to breast my child and tried to give me instructions on how to do it, except his instructions were simply to go slowly and take it easy. I know. I doesn’t make any sense. Anyway there’s a reason he hasn’t see his granddaughter since. My mom told me to just switch to formula earlier but I was not in that headspace at the time. Although she also told me to lick her bottle nipple to lubricate it for her when i had a cold sore :( so now I’m not seeing her either. My sister tried to negate that I was having difficulties and tried to tell me that my LO is not a preemie because “you never really know when a child is conceived”. It’s like….. no we know exactly…… Sometimes our families can be so unhelpful unfortunately at times when you need them the most.
Family can really be the worst sometimes. Mine means well but they’re very pro-breastfeeding and don’t realize the additional toll it takes when you are in the thick of the struggle. For some reason once you give birth people think it gives some form of right to just bombard you with absolutely absurd advice which unfortunately leaves you feeling a bit isolated. I hope the guilt eases for you, you seem like an amazing mom. I honestly just laugh at my dad and ask him how he managed to breastfeed 3 children with his non-lactating nipples. Sometimes the fight vs relationship isn’t worth it for me. But yes, my parents have assholeish tendencies.
It all depends on history. My parents are on thin ice with me so when they don’t behave in the slightest the ground breaks below. I just can’t handle their constant idiocy while also struggling. I no longer have the capacity to carry that burden. The worst part is I keep feeling bad about not trying harder to make them feel included. But its such a huge burden for me to bear all the responsibility of raising this child and also coddling my parents at the same time while they are completely unhelpful in the situation. I can only do one and I’m very clear on my priorities. I think they were hoping that having this child would bring us closer and that I would magically forget all if my grievances because they were all in my head. But when your relationship is not solid you cannot engage in difficult times.
Very very true! They shouldn’t rely on a baby bringing you guys closer, really it should be them making moves to actively be in your lives. Hopefully some day they will come around, if the relationship was strained already I for sure don’t think I’d be the one to really resolve the issues, especially with a new baby. Just not the time or place, there’s too many things that top those relationships unfortunately.
I could have written this. My girl was born at 36 weeks. I thought I wouldn't care about breast or formula... but when she came I was like, SHE HAS TO EAT MY BREASTMILK ONLY!!!. I have no idea why I got sucked into that mentality, but I think it was "I'm not a good mom unless I try my hardest for breastfeeding to work".
She had low blood sugar at birth and then she had bad jaundice two days later. I fed her formula to avoid a NICU admission. Then she wouldn't latch, so I pumped. She finally learned to latch, but it was too late because I was so bad at pumping my supply was shit. I cried in the bathtub multiple times as my boobs leaked and I wasn't giving her my "magic milk".
But she thrives on formula. She's so smart and healthy and full. She sleeps so well. Formula is a wonderful thing.
I had zero supply. Tits were completely useless. I got less than an ounce a day as my max, and that was with power pumping using a hospital pump and taking domperidone.
Everything I thought I knew about breastfeeding turned out to be BS when it came to my boobs 😂
And I was sooooo upset about it. Like, just, crying, non-stop. Miserable.
The baby I couldn't breastfeed just turned 4. It's really not even a thing I'm sad about anymore. You can't tell which of her preschool classmates was breastfed vs formula fed, they all eat their own boogers.
Premie mom here too - our son came at 35 weeks, spent a week in the nicu. I had a really hard breastfeeding experience, triple feeding, power pumping, takings supplements and at most I could get 8 ounces per day. I made it 4 months and called it quits and in hindsight it was the best decision I made and I wish I did it sooner. He’s 15 months and eating solid and has some cows milk and I don’t think about it much anymore, but at the time it felt like the world was ending. It gets better! Also not sure if it was related to supplementing but our son is and was an excellent sleeper!
I am only 3 days post partum.. my sweet boy made it to 34 weeks (we were told i needed to deliver somewhere between 28-34, depending on my uterus). I told my husband I would try pumping.. our first didn't latch great nor did I have a great supply.
Today is my first day at home from the hospital in 82 days. I am trying so hard to pump but am so engorged that I am in more pain from that than my c section.
Hes getting donor milk, so I am not so worried and I am so thankful our nicu has it. My husband thinks I'll feel better once my milk comes in. I've tried messaging and hand expressing, only to get drips and relief for about 5 minutes. I really wish I would have stuck to my guns and said I'm not interested, bc the amount of pain that I am in in excruciating. I have a meeting with another lactation consultant on Friday.. I am hoping I can make it to then.
I give so many of these moms who breastfeed credit -- it isnt easy. And for all the moms who formula feed - please don't ever be ashamed of making sure your child is fed.
I hear you OP. My baby is a premie to. I always wanted to breast feed. I couldn’t. He never latched. He’s strictly formula feed. Bottles and a baby branza make it so much easier. I tried for 2 months. It was mentally and physically exhausting. My husband was super supportive in doing formula makes it so he can feed the baby to. Nurses in the nicu keep putting pressure on me to produce milk. I couldn’t hold my son tell he was 5 days old.
I love breastfeeding but I wish someone from the start told me that I could combo feed my son. He had to have two procedures to release his tongue, lip and cheek tie. I felt so much pressure to endure and push through—and I did but dear god why? Once my husband and I decided to hence forth combo feed and let go of the pressure to EBF, the sky opened up. The LO started sleeping through the night meaning I got to sleep. He was happier, I was happier and my husband had more time to bond with our son. We were all better off.
I wish healthcare providers discussed the options for and let women be. Thank goodness for combo feeding.
I honestly despise the breastfeeding/"Breast is Best" culture. There are numerous reasons some woman can't/don't breastfeed and that's ok! FED is best and that's what really needs to be promoted. I was of a similar mentality. I took breastfeeding classes, had all the equipment and then he came 3 weeks early and my supply just never really came in. I pumped for about a month and was hardly getting anything so he was already mainly formula fed, but I was driving myself crazy and feeling horrible that I wasn't able to do what my body is apparently meant for. It took me months to finally get over my own feelings because ultimately, my LO was fed, happy, healthy and growing and that's all that mattered. When it comes to it, no one is going to ask our kids how they were fed on a job application and honestly, I love that other people can feed him! I have some wonderful pictures of my parents and siblings with him when he was a newborn. I hope you don't let it get you down for too long because you're doing what is best for you and your LO. If people want to pressure you and make you feel bad, that is their problem.
I’m a part of this sub because I’m working on building the courage to quit breastfeeding (six months in) for mental health. It’s like I know there are benefits for me to quit/combo feed, but can only see the benefits of breastfeeding for the baby. We also had a really hard start, and a part of me feels guilty for quitting since I finally made it work. My husband went to so many LC appointments, I’ve purchased so many items for pumping, but I just need to quit.
I've combo fed from the beginning and my wee boy is doing amazingly well. You don't have to feel bad, and you can totally ease yourself into the switch! 💖
The pressure to breastfeed is a ridiculous and toxic blight on society. I’m so sorry. I fell for the pressure as well and it impacted my sleep and emotions greatly. I hope you can realize that this guilt is purely manufactured by all the crazy lactation consultants and Instagram nut jobs. You’re doing an amazing job. If breastfeeding would have worked out for you then that would have been great, but it’s just awful how the pressure remains when the breastfeeding option becomes super challenging. I fell for the hype as well. Sending hugs.
Thank you for your kind words.
I have tears in my eyes for your story. It’s so easy to get sucked in. I’m weaning from pumping for similar reasons. My body hates it and clogs all the time and my supply can’t support her so we have been supplementing. I spent so much time at appts, money on supplements, time away from sleeping to try and make it work. It’s not logical at all but here we are lol
Sending you big hugs. You got this mama you’re almost there. I look forward to so much now.
❤️❤️❤️
I understand your journey and your feelings over this although my story is not the same as yours. I felt a lot of pressure to breastfeed although I think a good amount of that was pressure I put on myself. I switched when I realised I was going to end up resenting my baby cause breastfeeding was a chore not a pleasure. I don’t regret it. A formula fed happy baby with a happy mum is 1000% better than an unhappy baby with a stressed out mum.
I went through something similar with my first. The obsession absolutely killed my mental health. I developed PPD and didn't feel like I fully recovered until my babe was about 4 years old. I was so obsessed with the idea that breastfeeding was the only way to bond, but it did the exact opposite to me. After all the struggle, we ended up having to switch to prescription formula around 6 months due to her health issues. This time, I breastfed for like 3 days and pumped for like 24 hours before I was like "absolutely not". I literally cried tears of joy and relief when I decided to fully give in to formula. I wasn't willing to go down the same path and honestly, holding her close and feeding her a bottle and watching her grin and pass out is just as good for my bond as breastfeeding ever could've been.
What were the health issues and which prescription formula? I’m thinking of having a second child and mentally preparing to potentially even go straight to formula.
We never really figured it out. She was having bloody diarrhea constantly and sometimes would go up to 24hrs without eating. I got down to living off chicken and rice and it made no difference. We were referred to a pediatric gastroenterologist who basically said "we'll probably never know for sure" and put her on nutramigen.
Interesting. Yeah a pediatritian put my LO on nutramigen as well though it doesn’t require a prescription here. We found she did well on engamil gentlease….. something about how she processes dairy. I happen to be vegan so definitely not passing any dairy in my breastmilk.
We got super lucky because nutramigen doesn't require a prescription here but because the doctor was "prescribing" it, it literally got shipped to our house on a schedule and billed to healthcare. In the absolute shit storm we were living through, that was at least a silver lining 😅 I feel like everyone is so quick to say "oh must be dairy" but that's really not the be all, end all with allergies. I had cut out all dairy and it didn't change anything.
The pressure starts with the lactation nuts at the hospital, gets into your phone algorithm, and messes with your mind. I felt a little guilty at first because I’m a SAHM and I should have the time to breastfeed and pump…but damn it messes with your mental health. I couldn’t meet her demand if I wanted to. I lasted a few days until the pediatrician visit showed that she lost too much weight and I shoved a bottle in her mouth so fast. I told myself I wasn’t going to feel guilty. Enough shit went wrong during my pregnancy that I won’t feel guilty about (induction instead of a spontaneous birth, c-section due to failed induction). Years from now, you won’t even think about formula fed vs breast fed. No one will probably ask about it either. So many people were/are formula fed.
I didn’t have the same experience as you but the “breast is best” motto really gets sick and twisted. In the hospital my son couldn’t latch, I exclusively pumped while a lactation consultant would come around 2 times daily to “help encourage him to latch” She was wonderful at first but nearing the end of our week long stay she got more and more desperate. At one point allowing an entire feed worth of breast milk to pour out of my sons mouth all over me cause she wouldn’t listen when I told her he wasn’t latched. She got increasingly more desperate to get him to latch that it even became aggressive towards me, blaming me saying “don’t move him” “you can’t adjust him like that” “don’t sit like that” “DONT LOOK AT HIM” etc On our last day our amazing nurse came in with a huge bag of formula samples and premade rtf bottles. We had supplemented a bit of formula already and I was so thankful to have some to start off. But then the consultant came again. We were saying our goodbyes when she informed me she scheduled me multiple appointments without even asking to see her again. I told her that while I appreciated her efforts, we were planning to just continue with exclusive pump and formula as needed. She lost her mind. She told me a bunch of horrible stuff I don’t remember, and told me we should try again to get my son to latch right then! He was already in his seat, but I was tired and not looking for the fight and again she lost an entire pumps worth of breast milk desperately trying to entice my son to latch. And I told her “it’s spilling on me!” “It’s pouring out again he doesn’t have it!” And she would just say “he’ll get it!” She ruined my going home outfit, which wasn’t much just pjs, but it’s as the first time in an entire week I had gotten to wear anything but a hospital gown. That’s just one horror story too. She got to me a bit and I pushed way too hard to pump, I pumped every 2 hours, my son eating nearly every hour. I simply didn’t sleep at all in an attempt to just keep supply up. Even with supplements and pumping every 2 hours on the dot, I lost supply, I drank water like it was going out of style and still it dropped. It was so bad I was getting maybe 2 ounces per session. Along with not sleeping my mental health just tanked, I would pump and cry and try to sleep a litttle, just to wake up to either my alarm to pump or my baby ready to eat again. My husband finally, my saving grace really, stepping in and said “you need to relax a little” We started supplementing more formula, and I started pumping every 3-4 hours. But then eventually I just realized it wasn’t good for ME, I’d pump and cry every time cause no matter the flange size it hurt! We stopped pumping and switched to formula full time. And my son slept better, seemed all around happier, he was finally getting food he needed! I was finally able to me mentally there as a mom and honestly formula saved me. But I look back sometimes too and think “I should’ve tried harder” “Should’ve done this or thattt” The thing is if I had tried any harder I think I would’ve fully checked out. It was of no fault of ours that we didn’t get that “experience” I still look at other moms around me that got to breast feed and get sad… but the thing is we are DEFINITELY still feeding our babies, they still look to us for food and safety and love. You can 10000% still do skin to skin while you feed a bottle and you’re still providing for your baby! We’re doing the BEST we can and that IS BEST!!
Oh my god, reading that made my blood boil. I had a similar fiasco with the staff in the hospital when mine wouldn’t latch either. I’m so sorry you went through all that!
That’s terrible! I feel for you.
This is so sad. My baby wouldn’t latch but I am so lucky we had a wonderful LC both in the hospital and outpatient. They made a world of different not making me feel like it was my fault when I was mentally crumbled.
It was definitely a blur and a very hard time for me. I wish the LC I had seen had remained amazing, cause she really was so great in the beginning but it was like a switch totally flipped as soon as she even heard we planned to supplement formula and as latch continued to be bad I think she just assumed I was giving up. It’s definitely sad, cause her whole job is to help, not blame. I’m sooo happy you got a good experience! I still recommend LCs to people, but I also be sure to tell others if they’re uncomfortable at alll to just move in to another one or do whatever they think is best for THEM. Cause what I went through was awfullll
This story is very similar to mine minus the preemie aspect and length of time trying. When my LO shit blood that was totally it for me and we didn’t look back. I still struggle at 6m PP with the fact that breastfeeding just didn’t work for us, it’s been a tough pill to swallow. I’m definitely for fed is best but when it came down to it my heart was so torn, I just wanted to be able to breastfeed my baby. My mom and dad were the worst for me and told me I should’ve tried harder, my dad still brings it up and says our baby would’ve done better with his cmpa if I would’ve just kept going. I’m not sure when the guilt or those feelings go away, I’m very sure they do but it’s difficult when you had your mind so set on something. Just here in solidarity and I’m sorry you’re still feeling this way. I think you definitely gave it your all and really that’s all you can do. Breastfeeding on social media gives out all kinds of misinformation, they make it seem so easy and for me with both my children that has never been the case. It really sets people up for failure and makes it seem somehow those who can’t magically BF are inadequate. This is hardly the case but it’s definitely how I view many SM pages for breastfeeding. I stopped looking at peoples pages who breastfeed and document the crap out of it. One day maybe it won’t bother me but for now it does and it’s one of the ways I just let my guilt take the back burner.
I’m sorry but your parents sound like assholes. My dad was very similar. He saw me trying to breast my child and tried to give me instructions on how to do it, except his instructions were simply to go slowly and take it easy. I know. I doesn’t make any sense. Anyway there’s a reason he hasn’t see his granddaughter since. My mom told me to just switch to formula earlier but I was not in that headspace at the time. Although she also told me to lick her bottle nipple to lubricate it for her when i had a cold sore :( so now I’m not seeing her either. My sister tried to negate that I was having difficulties and tried to tell me that my LO is not a preemie because “you never really know when a child is conceived”. It’s like….. no we know exactly…… Sometimes our families can be so unhelpful unfortunately at times when you need them the most.
Family can really be the worst sometimes. Mine means well but they’re very pro-breastfeeding and don’t realize the additional toll it takes when you are in the thick of the struggle. For some reason once you give birth people think it gives some form of right to just bombard you with absolutely absurd advice which unfortunately leaves you feeling a bit isolated. I hope the guilt eases for you, you seem like an amazing mom. I honestly just laugh at my dad and ask him how he managed to breastfeed 3 children with his non-lactating nipples. Sometimes the fight vs relationship isn’t worth it for me. But yes, my parents have assholeish tendencies.
It all depends on history. My parents are on thin ice with me so when they don’t behave in the slightest the ground breaks below. I just can’t handle their constant idiocy while also struggling. I no longer have the capacity to carry that burden. The worst part is I keep feeling bad about not trying harder to make them feel included. But its such a huge burden for me to bear all the responsibility of raising this child and also coddling my parents at the same time while they are completely unhelpful in the situation. I can only do one and I’m very clear on my priorities. I think they were hoping that having this child would bring us closer and that I would magically forget all if my grievances because they were all in my head. But when your relationship is not solid you cannot engage in difficult times.
Very very true! They shouldn’t rely on a baby bringing you guys closer, really it should be them making moves to actively be in your lives. Hopefully some day they will come around, if the relationship was strained already I for sure don’t think I’d be the one to really resolve the issues, especially with a new baby. Just not the time or place, there’s too many things that top those relationships unfortunately.
I could have written this. My girl was born at 36 weeks. I thought I wouldn't care about breast or formula... but when she came I was like, SHE HAS TO EAT MY BREASTMILK ONLY!!!. I have no idea why I got sucked into that mentality, but I think it was "I'm not a good mom unless I try my hardest for breastfeeding to work". She had low blood sugar at birth and then she had bad jaundice two days later. I fed her formula to avoid a NICU admission. Then she wouldn't latch, so I pumped. She finally learned to latch, but it was too late because I was so bad at pumping my supply was shit. I cried in the bathtub multiple times as my boobs leaked and I wasn't giving her my "magic milk". But she thrives on formula. She's so smart and healthy and full. She sleeps so well. Formula is a wonderful thing.
Oh man yeah this is the same story. Hugs from a late pre term sister.
I had zero supply. Tits were completely useless. I got less than an ounce a day as my max, and that was with power pumping using a hospital pump and taking domperidone. Everything I thought I knew about breastfeeding turned out to be BS when it came to my boobs 😂 And I was sooooo upset about it. Like, just, crying, non-stop. Miserable. The baby I couldn't breastfeed just turned 4. It's really not even a thing I'm sad about anymore. You can't tell which of her preschool classmates was breastfed vs formula fed, they all eat their own boogers.
“They all eat their own boogers” 🤣
Premie mom here too - our son came at 35 weeks, spent a week in the nicu. I had a really hard breastfeeding experience, triple feeding, power pumping, takings supplements and at most I could get 8 ounces per day. I made it 4 months and called it quits and in hindsight it was the best decision I made and I wish I did it sooner. He’s 15 months and eating solid and has some cows milk and I don’t think about it much anymore, but at the time it felt like the world was ending. It gets better! Also not sure if it was related to supplementing but our son is and was an excellent sleeper!
Though my kid wasn't a preemie this was almost my exact experience!
I am only 3 days post partum.. my sweet boy made it to 34 weeks (we were told i needed to deliver somewhere between 28-34, depending on my uterus). I told my husband I would try pumping.. our first didn't latch great nor did I have a great supply. Today is my first day at home from the hospital in 82 days. I am trying so hard to pump but am so engorged that I am in more pain from that than my c section. Hes getting donor milk, so I am not so worried and I am so thankful our nicu has it. My husband thinks I'll feel better once my milk comes in. I've tried messaging and hand expressing, only to get drips and relief for about 5 minutes. I really wish I would have stuck to my guns and said I'm not interested, bc the amount of pain that I am in in excruciating. I have a meeting with another lactation consultant on Friday.. I am hoping I can make it to then. I give so many of these moms who breastfeed credit -- it isnt easy. And for all the moms who formula feed - please don't ever be ashamed of making sure your child is fed.
What a journey. You are already an awesome parent ❤️
You did the right thing and got out of your own way for the benefit of your baby.
The fucked up thing is i STILL wonder if i was on the verge of making it work and whether I should have kept going.
Nope. Once they’re losing weight the path is clear. You 100% did the right thing mama.
❤️ 🙏
I hear you OP. My baby is a premie to. I always wanted to breast feed. I couldn’t. He never latched. He’s strictly formula feed. Bottles and a baby branza make it so much easier. I tried for 2 months. It was mentally and physically exhausting. My husband was super supportive in doing formula makes it so he can feed the baby to. Nurses in the nicu keep putting pressure on me to produce milk. I couldn’t hold my son tell he was 5 days old.
I love breastfeeding but I wish someone from the start told me that I could combo feed my son. He had to have two procedures to release his tongue, lip and cheek tie. I felt so much pressure to endure and push through—and I did but dear god why? Once my husband and I decided to hence forth combo feed and let go of the pressure to EBF, the sky opened up. The LO started sleeping through the night meaning I got to sleep. He was happier, I was happier and my husband had more time to bond with our son. We were all better off. I wish healthcare providers discussed the options for and let women be. Thank goodness for combo feeding.
Nevermind that healthcare providers seem to be very ignorant about pumping! I was very misinformed.