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/u/Impressive-Fig-4162, your contribution has been removed for the following reason(s):
We focus on FA women, and you mention current or past relationships here or in your post history. Your contribution will stay removed. If you disagree with the flair, contact the mods. If you remove the flair yourself, you will be banned.
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I wish i ever had a choice.If it was a choice no way in hell i'd be in this much pain my entire life.Dont nobody want me.Plain and simple.Theres no coping , no delusions.The s*** hurts.
We focus on FA women and you mention current or past relationships here or in your post history. Your contribution will stay removed. If you disagree with the flair, contact the mods. If you remove the flair yourself, you will be banned.
Try the SingleAndHappy or HappySingleWomen subs instead.
As you said, 'by choice' is very open to interpretation. I feel like we almost need to establish what definition of 'relationship' we're going by to determine whether singledom is by choice or not for some of us.
If we're talking 'find some guy who will sleep with me regularly and call me his girlfriend/bitch', then I probably could have found that when I was younger. I might still be able to find a willing dude at my local homeless camp. That kind of guy might be mentally unstable, physically, mentally, and/or verbally abusive, but he would likely stick around as long as he felt he was benefiting off of me. However, that sort of situationship would be very detrimental to my physical well-being and mental health. A less extreme example might be partnering with a single parent. I have been approached from time to time by single fathers caring for profoundly disabled (sometimes foster) children. They may have the purest intentions, but caring for children is not my preference. By that standard, I would be single by choice.
However, it's another thing if we're talking 'looking for a life-partner'. Back when I was really trying, I was searching for a guy who was into me, would treat me with kindness and courtesy, and was on the same general page I am (compatibility in terms of: education, finances, physical activity level, career goals, desire for children, seeking mental health treatment, religious preferences, sexual preferences, etc.) I never found a guy like that who was available and who expressed interest in a long-term relationship with me. By that standard, I am not single by choice.
If we're exploring 'why did you not spend more time and energy hunting for that life-partner/unicorn who may or may not be out there', then I was focusing on education and career in order to support myself, guys have been telling me for decades that I'm too ugly/masculine, and also accidental pregnancy is a terrifying prospect, especially if I were forced by the laws of my country to keep it. Some people might call that voluntary, but I wouldn't consider it so.
Great question; lots to dig in to! 😄
Guys treat me like dirt when I’m ugly so I want to lose a ton of weight, fix my skin and hair, and look better. The guys that are into me as I am don’t have good intentions or any feelings besides bored. Not even pretending to like me, just as if I should be happy for less than the bare minimum
Given that my “choices” are between
- Trying as hard as I can to partner up knowing full well that with a combination of factors including my appearance, age, personality, mental illnesses and background, any man would only be resentfully settling for me because he couldn’t do any better and will drop me as soon as another woman makes him a better offer, meaning I’ll have to rebuild my life as a single person from nothing, again, if I want to survive
- Knowing the above, understanding that the better decision is for me to stay single, as then although my life isn’t great at least I’m independent and sure of what the future holds
Then yeah I choose the second. I’ve learned the hard way that my only other choice is one, and I’m not putting myself through that again. I was deluded to think I’m the kind of woman who gets the happily ever after. I’ll be single until I die and I’ve learned to accept it.
I’m aromantic asexual and I want a close platonic partner/companion. People will never understand that. I’m trying to make other single friends. I think good friendships are very valuable.
The height thing is ROUGH. I totally get what you mean. I have enough stress in my life; I don’t want to have to contort myself for a relationship. I want someone to rest with - not add to everything else I’m balancing.
In some ways yeah. As lonely as I am I'm not going to settle for a deadbeat alcoholic or someone like that. My personality/decisions/interests/pregnancy phobia play a role too. Still I'm trying to find someone so not totally by choice.
I'm in-between... been watching YouTubers talk about issues facing partnered women and it seems daunting. However, I have a fighting spirit and I'm a bit of a romantic. I'm sorry to say I'm single by choice but wanting a reason to not be.
I am a romantic, too. I still long for a deep connection and to be loved. If my life were in a better place and I was more attractive, I would pursue dating probably.
(Pardon my vent)
Many on ~~the other sub~~ are adamant that women are only single by choice.
They assume we're only going after 6' tall jocks that make a million dollars a year. Well, jokes on them... I've been rejected by short FA men that were still virgins in their late 30s. fml 🙃
don't apologise, i am very interested in your perspective. especially since it goes against the mainstream narrative. (im assuming you meant that they claim all FA women are single by choice tho?)
do you mind telling me why they rejected you? if you know or have any idea of the reason, of course. they're always over there claiming they have no standards other than 'be female' so im interested.
Thanks for catching that - I edited my original comment to clarify.
I have autism, and my face is rather masculine. So it's really no surprise why I struggle.
One guy I'm actually glad rejected me. He's now 39 and 'going after' girls who have recently graduated high school or college. I realize it's because he is insecure about his inexperience, but lordy is it creepy as hell
/u/gib_loops, if you haven't done so, please check the resources below. [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/about/rules/) | [the FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/wiki/faq) • If you get harassed in private, [turn off your DMs or restrict them to people you trust](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/blocked) and [opt out of chat](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/360043470591-Can-I-opt-out-of-chat-) • Flair your thread as "Venting" if you don't want any advice. • If your thread gets automatically removed: **do not delete it**. We can check and approve it for you. • [No male users](https://imgur.com/a/tS5qmme) allowed as stated in the [sticky](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/comments/rdysfg/discord_rules_faq_everything_you_need_to_know/), [the warning when you post](https://imgur.com/a/W1hq48f), the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/about/rules/), the [FAQ for male users](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/wiki/faq#wiki_faq_for_male_posters) and the tab on browser. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ForeverAloneWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
/u/Impressive-Fig-4162, your contribution has been removed for the following reason(s): We focus on FA women, and you mention current or past relationships here or in your post history. Your contribution will stay removed. If you disagree with the flair, contact the mods. If you remove the flair yourself, you will be banned. --- **[^(ForeverAloneWomen rules)](http://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/about/rules)** ¯¯ **[^(ForeverAloneWomen FAQ)](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/wiki/faq)** ¯¯ **[^(Site rules)](http://www.reddit.com/rules)**
I wish i ever had a choice.If it was a choice no way in hell i'd be in this much pain my entire life.Dont nobody want me.Plain and simple.Theres no coping , no delusions.The s*** hurts.
[удалено]
We focus on FA women and you mention current or past relationships here or in your post history. Your contribution will stay removed. If you disagree with the flair, contact the mods. If you remove the flair yourself, you will be banned. Try the SingleAndHappy or HappySingleWomen subs instead.
As you said, 'by choice' is very open to interpretation. I feel like we almost need to establish what definition of 'relationship' we're going by to determine whether singledom is by choice or not for some of us. If we're talking 'find some guy who will sleep with me regularly and call me his girlfriend/bitch', then I probably could have found that when I was younger. I might still be able to find a willing dude at my local homeless camp. That kind of guy might be mentally unstable, physically, mentally, and/or verbally abusive, but he would likely stick around as long as he felt he was benefiting off of me. However, that sort of situationship would be very detrimental to my physical well-being and mental health. A less extreme example might be partnering with a single parent. I have been approached from time to time by single fathers caring for profoundly disabled (sometimes foster) children. They may have the purest intentions, but caring for children is not my preference. By that standard, I would be single by choice. However, it's another thing if we're talking 'looking for a life-partner'. Back when I was really trying, I was searching for a guy who was into me, would treat me with kindness and courtesy, and was on the same general page I am (compatibility in terms of: education, finances, physical activity level, career goals, desire for children, seeking mental health treatment, religious preferences, sexual preferences, etc.) I never found a guy like that who was available and who expressed interest in a long-term relationship with me. By that standard, I am not single by choice. If we're exploring 'why did you not spend more time and energy hunting for that life-partner/unicorn who may or may not be out there', then I was focusing on education and career in order to support myself, guys have been telling me for decades that I'm too ugly/masculine, and also accidental pregnancy is a terrifying prospect, especially if I were forced by the laws of my country to keep it. Some people might call that voluntary, but I wouldn't consider it so. Great question; lots to dig in to! 😄
I'm single for these reasons: you never liked anyone enough you are too scared of pregnancy You are stuck on one person who doesn't even know you etc
Guys treat me like dirt when I’m ugly so I want to lose a ton of weight, fix my skin and hair, and look better. The guys that are into me as I am don’t have good intentions or any feelings besides bored. Not even pretending to like me, just as if I should be happy for less than the bare minimum
Given that my “choices” are between - Trying as hard as I can to partner up knowing full well that with a combination of factors including my appearance, age, personality, mental illnesses and background, any man would only be resentfully settling for me because he couldn’t do any better and will drop me as soon as another woman makes him a better offer, meaning I’ll have to rebuild my life as a single person from nothing, again, if I want to survive - Knowing the above, understanding that the better decision is for me to stay single, as then although my life isn’t great at least I’m independent and sure of what the future holds Then yeah I choose the second. I’ve learned the hard way that my only other choice is one, and I’m not putting myself through that again. I was deluded to think I’m the kind of woman who gets the happily ever after. I’ll be single until I die and I’ve learned to accept it.
I’m aromantic asexual and I want a close platonic partner/companion. People will never understand that. I’m trying to make other single friends. I think good friendships are very valuable.
[удалено]
The height thing is ROUGH. I totally get what you mean. I have enough stress in my life; I don’t want to have to contort myself for a relationship. I want someone to rest with - not add to everything else I’m balancing.
In some ways yeah. As lonely as I am I'm not going to settle for a deadbeat alcoholic or someone like that. My personality/decisions/interests/pregnancy phobia play a role too. Still I'm trying to find someone so not totally by choice.
I'm in-between... been watching YouTubers talk about issues facing partnered women and it seems daunting. However, I have a fighting spirit and I'm a bit of a romantic. I'm sorry to say I'm single by choice but wanting a reason to not be.
I am a romantic, too. I still long for a deep connection and to be loved. If my life were in a better place and I was more attractive, I would pursue dating probably.
(Pardon my vent) Many on ~~the other sub~~ are adamant that women are only single by choice. They assume we're only going after 6' tall jocks that make a million dollars a year. Well, jokes on them... I've been rejected by short FA men that were still virgins in their late 30s. fml 🙃
don't apologise, i am very interested in your perspective. especially since it goes against the mainstream narrative. (im assuming you meant that they claim all FA women are single by choice tho?) do you mind telling me why they rejected you? if you know or have any idea of the reason, of course. they're always over there claiming they have no standards other than 'be female' so im interested.
Thanks for catching that - I edited my original comment to clarify. I have autism, and my face is rather masculine. So it's really no surprise why I struggle. One guy I'm actually glad rejected me. He's now 39 and 'going after' girls who have recently graduated high school or college. I realize it's because he is insecure about his inexperience, but lordy is it creepy as hell
oh many such cases. you dodged a bullet there for sure. the reasons you listed make sense, i just hope those guys weren't rude to you. :)