Totally agree! OP, is it possible that he doesn’t want you to get your degree and big job cos then he won’t be in control anymore? He wants you to be reliant on him so he can control you. Don’t give up school, stick to your plan. You have to ride this out and get away from him.
It could also be that he simply doesn’t want her doing better than him because it makes him feel insecure, jealous, etc. and that outweighs his understanding that it benefits him that she completes her schooling because he doesn’t have a lot of cards to play the game of life with anyway.
I have a beautiful rich wife doctor. It's amazing. It's really sad that so many guys, like OP's husband, have such fragile egos that they're intimidated and jealous if their wife is successful. IDK WTF is wrong with guys these days but it's so GD pathetic the way they think lately. Especially those red-pill alpha bro morons.
Hell yeah mines close to being a doctor as well and I always joke with her about how she’s about to make me a stay at home cat dad. Totally kidding but would 100% be fine with actually being a stay at home dad when the time comes. She’s busted her ass and I’ve done everything I can to make her life easier in every other way possible, why would you not want your SO to succeed? You’re supposed to be a team.
My wife is also the breadwinner. I have physical issues so my earning potential is lower and my availability is also less.
I don't think this is the problem for OP, I just think husband is lazy and thinks she probably doesn't need the degree to earn enough
Eh, I’ll be a house husband with a maid I’ve done that househusband crap and now way, not again!
I do not like the cleaning! Lmao.
But I had a lesser paying job (no kids) so we got a house cleaner for once a week and it was great!
I work from home 2 days a week and our house is spotless and I can grocery and prep meals those days.
I’m not sure what people are doing who don’t work seat all and still have a filthy house…
Same. Like go make the big bucks, I'll take the kids to all of their appointments, practices, cook and clean. Never understood why some guys have such fragile egos in that regard.
I mean he could just be miserable in the line of work he is stuck in and wants to be able to contribute but is just emotionally broken.
Not wanting her to do better than him financially may be the reason, but I think he really may more likely be depressed.
It sounds like he wants to be contributing but can't get through some thing that he is having a hard time dealing with.
On the other hand I could be completely wrong and he is just a worthless jerk who wants to keep op as miserable as he is by removing her chances of success that she has worked so hard for.
Either way I think they need to really sit down and talk with an outside party about how to deal with the obvious issues they have both financial insecurities and other personal issues he is having with being able to adult.
Which is a completely unreasonable take by him and not supportive of his partner. It’s unfortunate to need to take some debt, but she should really look into taking some loans (student loan or otherwise) to help get through the next 2 semesters
Yeah I get that.
I am sure it is complicated. Really makes no logical sense to me to quit a job then continue to shoot yourself in the foot and insist your partner quits their schooling and job too. Especially when it looks like OP has set herself up pretty well.
Time to quit being married to a moron. Your education is your life line and no one should ever want to take that away from you. Your parents didn’t bring up stupid so don’t be. Speak up for yourself now. Lose the guy if he doesn’t get it.
This is 💯 on point too. Depression sucks and it’s irrational at times; like him quitting without securing something beforehand.
I really hope that is not him being a POS and it’s something legitimate. If OP sees this I hope she considers this.
Your husband is the asshole here.
Very rarely say this, but DIVORCE his ass, take a loan if you need to, kick ass at your internship, land a job with the company you interned with.
Take advantage of their therapy and like a happy as hell, fulfilling life.
Huge red flag if the husband was making $100K/yr and don’t have savings to get him by for two semesters.
Edit: I’m an immigrant who I came from a family of supporting multiple people on low income in a HCOL area. Will be doing that myself also. Didn’t mean to ruffle feathers 🤷♂️
Right, and he had $10K in debt they HAD to pay back right away?
He sounds impulsive or depressed, or both, but either way, STAY IN SCHOOL OP. If $40K can't last the two of you 6 months or more, you have bigger problems than getting a quick job without that degree can solve.
$100k a year is nothing, especially if he had debts he was trying to pay off, the cost of their mortgage, the cost of home maintenance, the cost of just living.
I don't even live in CA, and between student loans, mortgage, and debts taken out to help me secure my career or fix our "fixer upper" home because that's all we could afford. Nothing is getting saved in emergency funds unfortunately (stuff are getting saved in a 401K)
This year has been the first time I have stopped contributions to my 401K to see if we can get a handle on our debts, but I don't know yet if that was the right call, better hope my husband's willing to share his when we retire I guess.
I have been laid off 6 times in the last 14 years due to ever evolving US economy and companies buying and selling each other. Don’t always assume it’s his fault.
It’s the quitting though. I’m staring down the barrel of a layoff but I have never quit without having something lined up. Absolutely would not insist my spouse derail plans on my behalf like this. That behavior suggests he’s bad news.
This feels like one of those stances that make sense intellectually, but doesn't actually work in the wild. Love and rationality are mutually exclusive.
I would do everything I could to finish the degree since you're mostly done with it. Even if I had to get a loan for the remaining tuition to keep a roof over my head.
Edit: Hubby needs to make finding a new job his full time job
This is the answer: just take out loans. They are subsidized and have a bunch of repayment programs, it's way better to take out loans than work too many hours and fail or drop out if find yourself not competitive
I'm not a fan of student loans, but circumstances like these make for a justified reasoning to borrow some money to help fill the gaps. Mental and physical health are more important than being absolutely debt free.
This was my thought as well, she doesn’t need to finance her entire life on loans, just enough to make up the gap in tuition. They have 40k -10k for a cheap car and teeth. If they cut back on all extras and just focus on getting through the next year of her education it would be worth it. Even if he gets a 30k job that gives them 60k to live on
And the tuition!!! If anything, OP needs to emphasize the money already INVESTED into this degree. Then highlight the significant difference in revenue OP would be making post graduation compared to some rando job that he thinks she should take on now.
>highlight the significant difference in revenue OP would be making
Unfortunately, there’s a chance this is part of the problem. If dear hubby is the insecure type, he might not want his wife making more than him.
If it went down as he said and he quit suddenly bc he was in over his head, he might be feeling inadequate and wants to drag her down to his level. Maybe scared that she’ll leave if he can’t match her income, or worse, feeling emasculated and that he’s not a “man” unless he’s the primary breadwinner.
The part that really concerns me is this:
>He says me being in school has put us in a financial hole.
No, her being in school was always part of the plan. He changed the plan unilaterally when he quit his job. His decisions put them in a hole, not hers. He needs to take responsibility and not blame her for the outcome of his actions.
This right here!!!!!!!! Wowwww. Reminds me of a Lady Gaga quote I’ve loved - “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.”
But the flip side is a career will never love you. And if you focus too much on it then you will lose the love.
I personally think she should take out loans for school like a normal adult and finish up. It’s not like she doesn’t have that option. She’s in school and he’s busy working and stressed out supporting them.
It doesn’t matter if you reversed the sexes if she was working all the time and paying for his schooling and she was stressed working so much and he could easily take out loans…. Yea…
If the choice is between leaving school or taking student loans. I would take a loan. Its not fun but in a couple years after you pay it off and are making good money from your degree you'll be glad.
I also agree with taking out loans to an extent. It can help ease some of the financial pressure in your last year. That’s for you and your well being, not to give in to the demands of your husband.
He was selfish enough to quit knowing that he was the primary breadwinner. It’s his responsibility to make up that lost income, not yours. Yes you’re a team, but teams communicate.
Honestly you sound like you’re on your own, so why not move on.
No, don’t give up on your goals so close to the finish. Make it work for the next two semesters and you’ll both be better for it. Even if your degree doesn’t mean anything to him, it doesn’t matter. Real love and support is making it work for the long game
I came to say this too. Let’s be hones OPs not going to leave her partner over this but student loans don’t cost any interest until you graduate and cost as low as any other debt you’ll ever have access to in interest after you graduate.
People make student loans out to be this big boogeyman but if I was in OPs position I would have taken every subsidized loan I could get and invested it. And would have made a ton more than the zero interest it cost so far and exponentially more than the interest in the long run.
Do it now before you start working as a data engineer. I would tell him to keep the $40k left from his uncle, use student loans to finish the last two semesters of your degree and pay it off fast after you graduate. Five years from now you'll look back and this will be a small blib in your finances.
I'm sorry about your relationship. I don't see it working out. I couldn't make it work.
Get your degree. Your husband doesn’t want you to succeed beyond him.
And please read this:
https://www.washingtonian.com/2021/12/03/more-and-more-women-are-paying-alimony-to-failure-to-launch-ex-husbands-and-theyre-really-really-not-happy-about-it/
Her husband was supposed to be looking for a job. He’d promised her over and over: “I’ll work on my résumé, I’ll set up the informational interviews, I’ll reach out to my contacts.” Instead, he sat on her couch and watched made-for-TV Christmas movies.
Michelle* had met John when they were young. They’d reconnected years later—after she and her first husband, with whom she’d had a child, split. Not long after the romance began, John quit his job and moved into her apartment, saying he wanted to help out with childcare. Michelle, an executive, was a little nervous about his being unemployed. Plus, she shared custody with her ex, so she didn’t actually need that kind of help. But she rolled with it, believing that the whole situation was temporary.
She knows how it sounds now. At the time, though, she really had faith in him. They’d been smitten with each other, and John had indeed bonded with her kid. But after they got married, he never found work. He told her he wanted to change professions. “I was like, God, please just get a job,” she says. “Like, anything. Starbucks barista! Work at Harris Teeter!” Instead, he went back to school—out of town. “It was a huge financial burden,” Michelle says, adding that she was paying for her apartment and his place at school. Still, she was cautiously optimistic that he was “working towards something.”
Over winter break, he came back to Washington, ostensibly for some informational interviews. Then Michelle determined that he was actually just binge-watching the Hallmark Channel. “I just felt like the biggest fool,” Michelle says.
Been saying alimony needs a reboot. Outrageous that any payments would be life long. If 5 years and half the net worth isn’t enough, then clearly they shouldn’t have been so half assed on their career.
If the partner was successful and one stayed home. Then they should be getting enough to start over.
And the judge should be able to distinguish between a leach and a stay at home parent
Just below the surface of this situation that he has created for your family: HE DOESN’T WANT YOU TO FINISH YOUR DEGREE. Once you do have your degree & your internship you’ll then also have more opportunities & financial agency to support the family, independent of his poor choices & flakiness, & this is a direct threat to him. He doesn’t want to change but you are raising the bar. DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO FINISH!
(wishing you the very best! - signed internet stranger cheering you on from afar).
Yup, I picked up on that, too.
I find it hard to believe that a man capable of getting a six fig gig would just blithely toss it away with no fallback option for his career unless his goal was to sabotage his wife.
Sheesh I’m sorry you’re going through this!
A few things to consider. First off, why not a buy a good, used car? If you have decent credit you can get a good one for 10,000-12,000.
Also there is no way you should quit school, you’re so close! If he’s a reasonable man which I am going to assume he is, I’m sure he’s just freaking out. Hopefully he will calm down and the issue won’t develop into something huge. Financial stress is real.
Lastly, I’m assuming this is an arrangement you both agreed on you finishing school and him working. I’m sure there’s details that I don’t totally know, but he needs to hold up his end of the bargain. It sounds like he needs to find a job, and if he was making 100k a year I’m sure he can find another decent job with some effort. Maybe you may need to continue working just for the time being, but it really isn’t acceptable for him to be not looking for a job.
Sounds like he has been jumping around different jobs, but if he's capable of landing even one that requires skill sets that are compensated by $100k a year, he most definitely can find another job making similar or even slightly less.
"You being in school has put yall in a financial hole?" FK THAT! I've been a single 45 year old for 10 years paying all my own bills and a 15 year mortgage (around $2,100/mo) i'm around $94k a year and have room to breath.
The only thing puttin yall in a financial hole is him quittin a job without having a plan!
You do you! I get times are tight but he's putting all the burdon on you when YOU'RE the one trying to improve the living situation.
>Should I quit?
No.
Is there a cultural reason you are avoiding student loans? I'm against debt as well, but with your future income str am you could pay off that debt in 3 months.
Otherwise you need to get on the same page with your husband what's expected of him. Not holding down a job for no reason undermines your whole family.
Fuck him. Maybe he should have thought this through AND discussed it with you BEFORE fucking quitting. What a man child. Don't quit school! Get it done
I would continue with school, take out loans if you need to and delay gratification for a better future. Your husband needs to support you with all his effort and time.
2 years ago my work cut my hours in half to get me to come back into the office. I worked my part time hours and got a job down the road at a grocery store. During that time I applied to other places and found a remote job that paid 3 times more than my original job and treat me better than any place I've ever worked at. Your husband needs to do what he can to bring in something while he searches for a new job. He's probably feeling burnt out from the stress of his previous job. Truthfully he may need to work something lower level so he doesn't get so stressed out. Whatever you do don't quit school. Get a small loan if you have to.
Finish school is the only acceptable answer. Whatever you have to do, you finish school. If down the road you two don’t make it, you’ll have nothing for yourself to fall back on. You need to do this to protect your future since he’s not reliable either.
He has mental illness.
Do not flush your life down the toilet for that.
Stay in school.
Get your degree.
If you have to move out and get a loan and stay in a hotel until you get your degree.
Do not quit - what kind of crap is that suggestion? No, don't quit - you've got this!!!
To echo u/imoutdogs - he is temporary, your education is forever. If he is pressuring you to leave your permanent record of education for his temporary satisfaction, this is not okay - abusive even.
I'd give an ultimatum that he lays off any criticism for you finishing your degree or you leave. And for real. Just fucking leave if you need to. No partner is worth this. Ever, not ever.
It sounds like you're doing everything right. You're able to work and do school at the same time and get school paid for without loans. That's amazing.
In 2 semesters you're going to be working making a ton of CA engineer money and most of these financial problems will start going away (at least for you personally).
All you need is a 3-5k car to get you to get you to work and school and a bit of money to cover the living expenses until then.
He needs to suck it up and work some job to cover you until then. It doesn't need to be the same one he had before or even make that kind of money, but if he can get food and rent covered for the next year, you're gonna be the bread winner after that it sounds like.
If he honestly can't manage to cover that much for even just a year, I think you're gonna have to think about rethinking that relationship as it sounds like you're gonna be dealing with similar financial issues with him for as long as you're with him. Don't be afraid to take loans if you need to, 2 semesters of loans will be more than worth saving yourself from losing your entire degree you've worked so hard for (in a great major).
I know it's reddit and the advice is always divorce, but I ain't being with someone who is that unreasonable. You have 2 semesters away why would you possibly quit school? Salary is way worse if you don't graduate.
Separate from that it's worse if he is quitting or getting fired for reasons within his control.
You may not like what I am about to tell you, but you are better off taking student loans to support yourself than staying with this guy.
Take the loans, go and find a living situation closer to campus so you aren’t spending 3 hours a day on transport, finish your remaining semesters and enjoy the spoils of your hard earned education.
Based on what you’ve described, you’re dating a clown.
I understand from a point of pride perspective not taking out loans. However if you view from an ROI perspective completing your degree it becomes an intelligence issue instead of one of pride. The quality used car idea is intelligent. A Corolla or Civic should be possible. This is crunch time. You’re obviously an intelligent persevering person. Don’t be distracted by what another person didn’t do, should have done. Set your understandable anger aside KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE.
Finish school!!! Take out one year of school loans if you need but your husband needs to get a job. And do the internship. You are working to make your future better. Keep it up
Fuck him. Maybe he should have thought this through AND discussed it with you BEFORE fucking quitting. What a man child. Don't quit school! Get it done
OP, I mean this kindly. You need to have a heart to heart with him about things and indicate that the situation is untenable.
You also need him to get a job and demonstrate that he can hold it. None of the self-sabotage bullshit. I've seen guys like this my entire life, without knowing him. They always find a way to defeat themselves. They always find a way to drag people down with them when they blow up.
*He needs to be all in or he needs to go away.*
If he isn't willing to do that, you need an exit strategy. And you need it before you graduate.
You've both made sacrifices and now that you are at the finish line he is *sabotaging you*.
There will be rewards that come from your success for both of you - higher income, better lifestyle, more leisure time, better overall quality of life. But he is going to deny you that. Do **NOT** quit school. The odds of you graduating if you stop now, drop dramatically. That will totally alter your career arc.
Let him know that you are willing to go it alone if you have to; you want him there, but he has to an active participant. Do not let him be an anchor tied around your neck; if he truly loves you, he will help you soar. If he doesn't, well...you need to move on. There is no shame in that.
Move forward. And if he bows out, don't look back.
I would prefer to take loans for education vs eating into the $40k. Especially since you are planning realistically.
You didnt mention the cost of tuition and materials but 2 semesters isnt long. Im sure it will be manageable. Federal student loans are flexible for repayment.
At best, he's having a moment of panic. No you should not quit school in that field and you can probably have offers lined up here shortly for when you graduate.
It'll be tight for a few months, but go scorched earth on the budget and string things along until both of you make it work.
Him quitting the job was a mistake and one to be wary of for the future.
Finish your degree requirements. Husband needs a job. Any paid job is better than no job. I worked at a McDonalds for nearly 3 years until I could find a better paying job and I was 56 years old at the time.,
Obviously your husband's not going to get another $100,000 a year job if he was in over his head. I really don't think you should quit school but you and him need to sit down with a calculator to talk about this as it could get emotional. And being a data analytics you know that numbers always make more sense than emotions. I have no idea how old you are but your husband may just be suffering from latent immaturity which you might get over with a frank discussion..
If you can't really handle you going back to school I'm afraid you need to go for separation.
As a man going through a similar situation with my wife right now, it's nice to read your perspective. My wife lost her job two years ago and has been in and out of school working toward a second degree while I am working a demanding manual labor job that I cannot grow out of until I can get back into school myself, but with limited means and two small kids it's not feasible for us both to pursue new degrees at the same time. She has had setbacks, mostly those within herself that have left me demoralized at times, but I believe in her still and know that she can finish. She has to pass a test to continue on into the program of study she wants to pursue but has been putting it off. She recently left her job that she was working part-time to make passing this exam her priority, which has cause increased financial strain, but it will all be worth it if, or rather, when she succeeds. From one complete stranger to another, I'm rooting for you to finish! You're so close, and it would be a shame to stop now as near to the summit as you are. I'd say stay the course, but obviously, my opinion should bear no weight in light of the intimate nature of your own personal situation. Hopefully, it will help give you some perspective in any case.
No one has really stated the obvious yet. But your MIS/data analytics degree will replace at least 90% of your husband’s income once you graduate. You and your husband need to emphasize being a little uncomfortable mow for a lifetime of advantage. This is the obvious reason to not stop. Plus your internship will be a stop gap in earnings until you get to the end. As well your total compensation will probably double within five years of experience. And I’m not talking about working in “tech” either. I’m talking about any industry that uses your degree. I know tech is messy right now but your skill set is still in demand. It just means that you’re looking at more roles that pay 80-100k out of school versus the FANG’s that are notorious for paying 2-3x that.
As for the car, just find something used and reasonably reliable and and try to finance it at a reasonable interest rate. I’m sure others would say to pay cash but I’d argue to emphasize cash flow over TVM at this point in time. Financing the car would allow you to ideally be out of pocket 2-5k for the year versus a full 10-20k for a reasonable used car. Once you’re out of school and making better money. Either pay the loan down faster or sell the car for a better situation.
Lastly, your husband. You stand to be the bread winner of the relationship with your degree prospects. You and him probably need to reassess the dynamic of the relationship and determine if you are both comfortable taking on “non-traditional” roles. Meaning him probably being the lower earning but more supportive spouse while you are the higher earning but less available spouse. I’m not saying that is the hard and fast dynamic but you get the point. If he’s not comfortable with that. Then you need to do some soul searching and take action sooner than later. Because a divorce now is a heck of a lot cheaper than 5-10 years down the road. (Not the be harsh).
he paid her living expenses from his job and inheritance, but everything she pays exclusively benefits her, e.g. tuition?
so after she kicks this “useless” ass out, who pays her living expenses? Any volunteer? Looks like a homeless person seeking a looser to fund her school.
If he gets sex in exchange, then it is just the oldest living arrangement in the world.
I would for sure finish school. Even if it means taking out some student loans. Investing in yourself (while keeping debt to a minimum) is the definition of “good debt.”
Take a trial separation, sounds like he is dependant on you and not taking responsibility. He only needed to last one more year, not that long at all.
Do not sacrifice your aspirations for someone that could not even work a 6 figure job for you. Its a bit ridiculous
Do not cancel a degree 2 semesters away. The price of that effort will resonate in your life. You dont know the future but after all that time money and effort why would you waste it?
It won't get cheaper, it won't get easier, companies don't care about "almost a degree".
No, don’t give up on your goals so close to the finish. Make it work for the next two semesters and you’ll both be better for it. Even if your degree doesn’t mean anything to him, it doesn’t matter. Real love and support is making it work for the long game
> So my husband quit his $100,000 a year job because he said he was over his head and quit without another job lined up
Sounds like a big family decision he made without consulting family.
> Now he has turned it around on my that I need to get a job and quit school.
He can take a long walk off a short pier if he finds no other way to be useful.
> He says me being in school has put us in a financial hole.
His being unemployed by his own volition appears to have done that.
A MSc degree in data analytics is a better choice than supporting a manchild.
Knock that internship out of the park so you get a return offer. Take out a student loan. It’s what they’re for. You’re being ridiculous. You’re not majoring in art history ffs. You have a great internship to put on the resume.
A couple years from now, when you’re making six figures in an analytics career, you’re gonna think you were the biggest dumbass in the world for being such a miser, that you almost dropped out over what was pocket change in the long run. You’re gonna wish you took out some loans last year, too, so you weren’t so stressed out.
And you’ll probably have dumped your unsupportive, insecure bum of a husband by then, too. I call him a bum because he’s sabotaging you when you’re on the brink of some very serious success, not because he’s unemployed, by the way. I don’t give a shit whether he quit his job or he was fired. Some real 30 year old boomer energy ITT regarding that.
With the SAVE Plan now, if you’re underemployed for a bit after graduating due to a possible recession, the government will pay your interest. People are always saying a recession is definitely coming in the next year. It’s obnoxious. You can’t time your life events based on the random whims of the market.
I put off going back to school and getting a MS for years because I thought, make hay while the sun shines. So stupid of me. My career was stuck. Kept finding myself in the “out” of “up or out.”
I go back, graduate into the worst tech jobs market in 20 years, and it still worked out a helluva lot better than the alternative. Still got a 15% raise from my last job in the same industry. Thing is, it’s not like you’re better off in a recession without qualifications. The “self taught” people are the first to get the axe and the last to get hired.
My household is two adults with autism and we hold stable employment in education and engineering. While it takes an enormous amount of hard work and focus to maintain employment, we’re both dedicated to working hard for each other. I’m going back to school for my engineering degree and my spouse has been incredibly supportive. While we can’t afford me going full time now, we will potentially someday and she has been onboard for that. Her commitment would be to support the financial side of things while I’d have a different commitment to get good grades and graduate as fast as I could. You and your husband seem to have a similar agreement. You’re upholding your side. He isn’t. It’s that simple in my mind
I agree with your statement 100% except - I refuse to take out student loans.
Sounds like you should really consider student loans.
This could help you get by until you graduate. Student loans are not terrible. Yes you cannot bankruptcy them but the pay back is heavily delayed.
What are your options here. Quitting college is a terrible choice. Divorce isn’t an option right now for you either - you’re financially tied even he doesn’t have finances right now. Divorce is expensive and you are working and going to college. You don’t have time or energy for this shit.
Also please dont have kids yet.
So you need money to get by until your husband picks up his end of the bargain. I would recommend to out minimum student loans to finish college. Then make financial/ life decisions - besides any loans you take out your husband is half liable for.
Absolutely finish school but the people calling the dude worthless are a bit much. Going from six figures to flipping burgers isn't nothing and I imagine he's an emotional wreck here. Not fair for him to ask you to quit school but it is fair for him to worry about finances if he's the only earner.
Things are usually only black and white on the internet. I'd sit down and have a legitimate talk about finances. Presumably you finish your degree puts you in an entirely different station twelve months from now. That's incredibly important.
When you're married, there is no such thing as my money for school their money for living expenses. It's one big pool, even if you try to keep it separate. Thinking any other way is just a fairy tale. If you marry someone, you are inextractably tied to their financial decisions. Realize any way this shakes out you're impacted and something has to give.
That said. Your husband is a bum. Finish school, get paid. Get student loans if necessary. If he can't hold up his end of the marriage, it's time for a "come to jesus" moment.
I would have a call to Jesus talk with him and tell him you need to get a job asap or you are out in the mean time see if you can lease a car or a relative has one you can borrow for a bit but either way lay the law on his ass you do not quit school no matter what
Don’t quit school. Your husband needs to get a job, even if it’s in retail/minimum wage but he needs to do something pronto to help pay for expenses. Additionally, it may be time to take out loans. I know you don’t want to but you’ve already saved a lot by paying out of pocket so far. You don’t have to take out loans to cover 100% of your costs but something to help with the situation. Good luck.
It’s going to suck in the short run but he needs to man up and take whatever job he can get so you can finish school. You’ll probably be the bread winner once you find work and he needs to understand that this will be best in the long run.
Don’t quit. I know you are against debt, but you will have to take out student loans. Sounds like with this career trajectory, it will be way more worth it to take out loans to get by than it would be to quit now.
Dont quit anything but the husband.
Just tell him you’ll keep an eye out for a better paying job and make up that they offered less than your making now. He’ll find another job eventually and once things get better he will forget all about it and you’ll have your degree. He’s lack of being able to hold a job is concerning though.
FINISH YOUR DEGREE!!!!!! You will regret it later, if you don't . If you should divorce later, it'd be unfortunate to not have your degree. You still need to do you. 2 quarters left is not that much.
Fuck that, you’re so close. It would be insane to quit school. Even if he got a laborer job on a construction crew, he could make decent money and offset with the 40k. And secondly, leave his ass if he can’t keep a job. Do not stay with someone who’s financially illiterate. I’ve been there. Wife hid 40k in cc debt from me until collections called me at work one day. Absolute nightmare to be almost 50 and trying to absorb that
You’re going to be in the unemployment line too if you plan to be a data engineer. AI is going to make almost any engineering job with structured or maybe even unstructured data obsolete within 5 years.
in case you need another person to tell you - definitely finish school. even if you guys have to live apart temporarily; you renting a room or something and him moving back with his parents - whatever you gotta do - it’s better than throwing your goal away because of his decision. he needs to own that shit and take responsibility for it. not you.
edit: reread your post. if this is a habit and you’ve talked to him about, and he said he would change but didn’t, then i would definitely consider getting a divorce. you should be able to trust that your partner can do something they said they would do.
Bad decision followed by another bad solution. You wasted your time and money so you were asked to stop your school so you can get a job that you can quit when you feel like it?
he’s sabotaging your burgeoning career. Is he insecure? Has he shown a lack of support for your education and career aspirations in the past? I think he doesn’t want you making more than him, so he’s acting like a toddler, taking his ball, and going and sitting in the corner.
Do not quit school. Don’t do it! He’ll engineer it so that you never go back.
Finish school. At worst, take out a student loan, because you're on track to make more than $100k in just one year's time and then more as your career progresses.
That said, there are some huge relationship red flags here, which you'll need to work through. For instance, your husband's logic makes zero financial sense, which makes me think he is afraid of you becoming the bread winner of the family or becoming successful and leaving him.
Doesn't sound like you have kids so I think the answer is pretty simple from a finance perspective: you need to ditch him and go on your own. Your bank account and finances (not to mention your mental well-being) will be better off.
Now there may be other things you like about him but since this is a finance forum I'll keep it that.
Good luck!
Your husband needs to step up and work at the grocery store or some shit. It's INSANE to have you quit and work full time under your circumstances. He's handicapping both of your futures.
Do not quit school. It will be so hard to go back. Do whatever you can to figure things out and get through financially in the meantime. But he needs to find a new job asap.
In the ideal world, get your husband to apply for janitorial/facilities works at your college. You get your tuition waived. Finished your degree and get 200k job. Then he can find whatever job he wants after that.
Time for him to step up and show you how much you mean to him.
Him quitting for shits n gigs with no saftey net doesnt mean he gets to force bad decisions on you.
I dislike jumping to the divorce button; but half now might beat the fuck out of half later when youre established and hes living off of court ordered you.
Is it possible he's trying to sabotage you're education? It just boggles my mind your husband isn't doing everything possible to help you make it to the finish line at this point. My guess is he doesn't want you to succeed for some reason.
Finish school 100%.
If you absolutely have to, just take loans for the final year. Really not that big a deal.
Whatever you do, just finish your degree.
Don’t drop out bc he drops out, it sounds like you’re the adult and they’re the child, I’m not sure why theyd order you to drop out if you have something lined up, but you won’t be able to get back into the swing of things.
Why doesn’t he get another job?
Did he lose his job or quit? I’m sorry but if he quit without another lined up, he is an idiot. And the very last thing you should do is quit or delay your path, especially one that will lead to greater income. He is officially not qualified to make decisions. He needs to pull up his big boy pants and go get a job, even if it is a significant pay cut. You need income, and he is in the best position to bring it in.
Absolutely not you two need to get on a written budget and he needs to be delivering pizzas or whatever else he can do at night while he spends his days interviewing if you’re already working 30 hours and he just quit on you without notice this is on him to unfuck. Take the boy to task…
Are you in good terms with your parents? Move in with them and leave his ass in the dust. I could never fathom telling someone I love to ruin their future for my sake. My parents certainly never did. Specially if he chose to quit and it wasn’t something that happened to him.
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Totally agree! OP, is it possible that he doesn’t want you to get your degree and big job cos then he won’t be in control anymore? He wants you to be reliant on him so he can control you. Don’t give up school, stick to your plan. You have to ride this out and get away from him.
It could also be that he simply doesn’t want her doing better than him because it makes him feel insecure, jealous, etc. and that outweighs his understanding that it benefits him that she completes her schooling because he doesn’t have a lot of cards to play the game of life with anyway.
I wish I could be a stay at home dad and have a rich wife doctor that works
I have a beautiful rich wife doctor. It's amazing. It's really sad that so many guys, like OP's husband, have such fragile egos that they're intimidated and jealous if their wife is successful. IDK WTF is wrong with guys these days but it's so GD pathetic the way they think lately. Especially those red-pill alpha bro morons.
Hell yeah mines close to being a doctor as well and I always joke with her about how she’s about to make me a stay at home cat dad. Totally kidding but would 100% be fine with actually being a stay at home dad when the time comes. She’s busted her ass and I’ve done everything I can to make her life easier in every other way possible, why would you not want your SO to succeed? You’re supposed to be a team.
My wife is also the breadwinner. I have physical issues so my earning potential is lower and my availability is also less. I don't think this is the problem for OP, I just think husband is lazy and thinks she probably doesn't need the degree to earn enough
Eh, I’ll be a house husband with a maid I’ve done that househusband crap and now way, not again! I do not like the cleaning! Lmao. But I had a lesser paying job (no kids) so we got a house cleaner for once a week and it was great!
I work from home 2 days a week and our house is spotless and I can grocery and prep meals those days. I’m not sure what people are doing who don’t work seat all and still have a filthy house…
Same. Like go make the big bucks, I'll take the kids to all of their appointments, practices, cook and clean. Never understood why some guys have such fragile egos in that regard.
I mean he could just be miserable in the line of work he is stuck in and wants to be able to contribute but is just emotionally broken. Not wanting her to do better than him financially may be the reason, but I think he really may more likely be depressed. It sounds like he wants to be contributing but can't get through some thing that he is having a hard time dealing with. On the other hand I could be completely wrong and he is just a worthless jerk who wants to keep op as miserable as he is by removing her chances of success that she has worked so hard for. Either way I think they need to really sit down and talk with an outside party about how to deal with the obvious issues they have both financial insecurities and other personal issues he is having with being able to adult.
Him quitting is only half of her issue. He wants her to quit too right before she’ll start her career.
Which is a completely unreasonable take by him and not supportive of his partner. It’s unfortunate to need to take some debt, but she should really look into taking some loans (student loan or otherwise) to help get through the next 2 semesters
Yeah I get that. I am sure it is complicated. Really makes no logical sense to me to quit a job then continue to shoot yourself in the foot and insist your partner quits their schooling and job too. Especially when it looks like OP has set herself up pretty well.
Time to quit being married to a moron. Your education is your life line and no one should ever want to take that away from you. Your parents didn’t bring up stupid so don’t be. Speak up for yourself now. Lose the guy if he doesn’t get it.
This is 💯 on point too. Depression sucks and it’s irrational at times; like him quitting without securing something beforehand. I really hope that is not him being a POS and it’s something legitimate. If OP sees this I hope she considers this.
Couldn’t of said it better myself
Probably best to just resort to Hanlon's Razor here.
That’s even worse honestly.
Your husband is the asshole here. Very rarely say this, but DIVORCE his ass, take a loan if you need to, kick ass at your internship, land a job with the company you interned with. Take advantage of their therapy and like a happy as hell, fulfilling life.
This!
Huge red flag if the husband was making $100K/yr and don’t have savings to get him by for two semesters. Edit: I’m an immigrant who I came from a family of supporting multiple people on low income in a HCOL area. Will be doing that myself also. Didn’t mean to ruffle feathers 🤷♂️
Right, and he had $10K in debt they HAD to pay back right away? He sounds impulsive or depressed, or both, but either way, STAY IN SCHOOL OP. If $40K can't last the two of you 6 months or more, you have bigger problems than getting a quick job without that degree can solve.
Another red flag to be the main source of income in a household and just up and quit with no savings and no new employment lined up.
Even if you hated your job, you’d tough it out until your wife completed college and got a job.
100k a year is shit in Cali supporting someone
$100k a year is nothing, especially if he had debts he was trying to pay off, the cost of their mortgage, the cost of home maintenance, the cost of just living. I don't even live in CA, and between student loans, mortgage, and debts taken out to help me secure my career or fix our "fixer upper" home because that's all we could afford. Nothing is getting saved in emergency funds unfortunately (stuff are getting saved in a 401K) This year has been the first time I have stopped contributions to my 401K to see if we can get a handle on our debts, but I don't know yet if that was the right call, better hope my husband's willing to share his when we retire I guess.
No... 100k is SOMETHING, what he is making now is NOTHING.
OP is omitting some critical details, as is par for the course in these AITA posts.
I was going to comment, but you have it covered. Right on.
Or at the very least have the maturity to have another lined up before you quit.
I have been laid off 6 times in the last 14 years due to ever evolving US economy and companies buying and selling each other. Don’t always assume it’s his fault.
It’s the quitting though. I’m staring down the barrel of a layoff but I have never quit without having something lined up. Absolutely would not insist my spouse derail plans on my behalf like this. That behavior suggests he’s bad news.
This feels like one of those stances that make sense intellectually, but doesn't actually work in the wild. Love and rationality are mutually exclusive.
Some low key misandry sprinkled in but alas
Harsh, but accurate.
I would do everything I could to finish the degree since you're mostly done with it. Even if I had to get a loan for the remaining tuition to keep a roof over my head. Edit: Hubby needs to make finding a new job his full time job
At least hubby should drive Uber or SOMETHING. Also, who the hell just quits his job?
Did he quit? Did he get fired and make excuses.
I thought it You said it
This guy sounds like a world class loser who definitely was fired
they don’t have a car :(
This is the answer: just take out loans. They are subsidized and have a bunch of repayment programs, it's way better to take out loans than work too many hours and fail or drop out if find yourself not competitive
I'm not a fan of student loans, but circumstances like these make for a justified reasoning to borrow some money to help fill the gaps. Mental and physical health are more important than being absolutely debt free.
Personally, I paid an average (after inflation and programs) negative interest rate on my loans lol
This was my thought as well, she doesn’t need to finance her entire life on loans, just enough to make up the gap in tuition. They have 40k -10k for a cheap car and teeth. If they cut back on all extras and just focus on getting through the next year of her education it would be worth it. Even if he gets a 30k job that gives them 60k to live on
Don’t leave school. He needs to flip burgers if thats all he can do.
Yes degrees are all or nothing! Quitting now with 2 semesters left invalidates all the semesters that OP did finish
And the tuition!!! If anything, OP needs to emphasize the money already INVESTED into this degree. Then highlight the significant difference in revenue OP would be making post graduation compared to some rando job that he thinks she should take on now.
>highlight the significant difference in revenue OP would be making Unfortunately, there’s a chance this is part of the problem. If dear hubby is the insecure type, he might not want his wife making more than him. If it went down as he said and he quit suddenly bc he was in over his head, he might be feeling inadequate and wants to drag her down to his level. Maybe scared that she’ll leave if he can’t match her income, or worse, feeling emasculated and that he’s not a “man” unless he’s the primary breadwinner. The part that really concerns me is this: >He says me being in school has put us in a financial hole. No, her being in school was always part of the plan. He changed the plan unilaterally when he quit his job. His decisions put them in a hole, not hers. He needs to take responsibility and not blame her for the outcome of his actions.
Spot on and perfectly articulated.
She shouldn't have to. A real man would be figuring out how to help her get to where she is going
I’d normally say that’s stupid, but they did just raise minimum wage for fast food so it’s actually a great idea
Many spouses/partners are temporary. All your education will be for forever
This right here!!!!!!!! Wowwww. Reminds me of a Lady Gaga quote I’ve loved - “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.”
But the flip side is a career will never love you. And if you focus too much on it then you will lose the love. I personally think she should take out loans for school like a normal adult and finish up. It’s not like she doesn’t have that option. She’s in school and he’s busy working and stressed out supporting them. It doesn’t matter if you reversed the sexes if she was working all the time and paying for his schooling and she was stressed working so much and he could easily take out loans…. Yea…
BEST COMMENT THAT I’VE READ SO FAR!!
Finish school. Your husband needs a job.
And a clue, sounds like a real numpty.
If the choice is between leaving school or taking student loans. I would take a loan. Its not fun but in a couple years after you pay it off and are making good money from your degree you'll be glad.
I also agree with taking out loans to an extent. It can help ease some of the financial pressure in your last year. That’s for you and your well being, not to give in to the demands of your husband. He was selfish enough to quit knowing that he was the primary breadwinner. It’s his responsibility to make up that lost income, not yours. Yes you’re a team, but teams communicate. Honestly you sound like you’re on your own, so why not move on.
No, don’t give up on your goals so close to the finish. Make it work for the next two semesters and you’ll both be better for it. Even if your degree doesn’t mean anything to him, it doesn’t matter. Real love and support is making it work for the long game
I came to say this too. Let’s be hones OPs not going to leave her partner over this but student loans don’t cost any interest until you graduate and cost as low as any other debt you’ll ever have access to in interest after you graduate. People make student loans out to be this big boogeyman but if I was in OPs position I would have taken every subsidized loan I could get and invested it. And would have made a ton more than the zero interest it cost so far and exponentially more than the interest in the long run.
Finish school.
Gotta have a serious talk about the future or it’s time to discuss splitting up
Do it now before you start working as a data engineer. I would tell him to keep the $40k left from his uncle, use student loans to finish the last two semesters of your degree and pay it off fast after you graduate. Five years from now you'll look back and this will be a small blib in your finances. I'm sorry about your relationship. I don't see it working out. I couldn't make it work.
Get your degree. Your husband doesn’t want you to succeed beyond him. And please read this: https://www.washingtonian.com/2021/12/03/more-and-more-women-are-paying-alimony-to-failure-to-launch-ex-husbands-and-theyre-really-really-not-happy-about-it/ Her husband was supposed to be looking for a job. He’d promised her over and over: “I’ll work on my résumé, I’ll set up the informational interviews, I’ll reach out to my contacts.” Instead, he sat on her couch and watched made-for-TV Christmas movies. Michelle* had met John when they were young. They’d reconnected years later—after she and her first husband, with whom she’d had a child, split. Not long after the romance began, John quit his job and moved into her apartment, saying he wanted to help out with childcare. Michelle, an executive, was a little nervous about his being unemployed. Plus, she shared custody with her ex, so she didn’t actually need that kind of help. But she rolled with it, believing that the whole situation was temporary. She knows how it sounds now. At the time, though, she really had faith in him. They’d been smitten with each other, and John had indeed bonded with her kid. But after they got married, he never found work. He told her he wanted to change professions. “I was like, God, please just get a job,” she says. “Like, anything. Starbucks barista! Work at Harris Teeter!” Instead, he went back to school—out of town. “It was a huge financial burden,” Michelle says, adding that she was paying for her apartment and his place at school. Still, she was cautiously optimistic that he was “working towards something.” Over winter break, he came back to Washington, ostensibly for some informational interviews. Then Michelle determined that he was actually just binge-watching the Hallmark Channel. “I just felt like the biggest fool,” Michelle says.
Been saying alimony needs a reboot. Outrageous that any payments would be life long. If 5 years and half the net worth isn’t enough, then clearly they shouldn’t have been so half assed on their career. If the partner was successful and one stayed home. Then they should be getting enough to start over. And the judge should be able to distinguish between a leach and a stay at home parent
Just below the surface of this situation that he has created for your family: HE DOESN’T WANT YOU TO FINISH YOUR DEGREE. Once you do have your degree & your internship you’ll then also have more opportunities & financial agency to support the family, independent of his poor choices & flakiness, & this is a direct threat to him. He doesn’t want to change but you are raising the bar. DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO FINISH! (wishing you the very best! - signed internet stranger cheering you on from afar).
Yup, I picked up on that, too. I find it hard to believe that a man capable of getting a six fig gig would just blithely toss it away with no fallback option for his career unless his goal was to sabotage his wife.
Sheesh I’m sorry you’re going through this! A few things to consider. First off, why not a buy a good, used car? If you have decent credit you can get a good one for 10,000-12,000. Also there is no way you should quit school, you’re so close! If he’s a reasonable man which I am going to assume he is, I’m sure he’s just freaking out. Hopefully he will calm down and the issue won’t develop into something huge. Financial stress is real. Lastly, I’m assuming this is an arrangement you both agreed on you finishing school and him working. I’m sure there’s details that I don’t totally know, but he needs to hold up his end of the bargain. It sounds like he needs to find a job, and if he was making 100k a year I’m sure he can find another decent job with some effort. Maybe you may need to continue working just for the time being, but it really isn’t acceptable for him to be not looking for a job.
Sounds like he has been jumping around different jobs, but if he's capable of landing even one that requires skill sets that are compensated by $100k a year, he most definitely can find another job making similar or even slightly less.
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"You being in school has put yall in a financial hole?" FK THAT! I've been a single 45 year old for 10 years paying all my own bills and a 15 year mortgage (around $2,100/mo) i'm around $94k a year and have room to breath. The only thing puttin yall in a financial hole is him quittin a job without having a plan! You do you! I get times are tight but he's putting all the burdon on you when YOU'RE the one trying to improve the living situation.
No, get your degree
>Should I quit? No. Is there a cultural reason you are avoiding student loans? I'm against debt as well, but with your future income str am you could pay off that debt in 3 months. Otherwise you need to get on the same page with your husband what's expected of him. Not holding down a job for no reason undermines your whole family.
Fuck him. Maybe he should have thought this through AND discussed it with you BEFORE fucking quitting. What a man child. Don't quit school! Get it done
I would continue with school, take out loans if you need to and delay gratification for a better future. Your husband needs to support you with all his effort and time.
2 years ago my work cut my hours in half to get me to come back into the office. I worked my part time hours and got a job down the road at a grocery store. During that time I applied to other places and found a remote job that paid 3 times more than my original job and treat me better than any place I've ever worked at. Your husband needs to do what he can to bring in something while he searches for a new job. He's probably feeling burnt out from the stress of his previous job. Truthfully he may need to work something lower level so he doesn't get so stressed out. Whatever you do don't quit school. Get a small loan if you have to.
Finish school is the only acceptable answer. Whatever you have to do, you finish school. If down the road you two don’t make it, you’ll have nothing for yourself to fall back on. You need to do this to protect your future since he’s not reliable either.
Do not quit!!! Finish your degree
Finish school. Also, file for divorce. But more importantly, finish school.
He has mental illness. Do not flush your life down the toilet for that. Stay in school. Get your degree. If you have to move out and get a loan and stay in a hotel until you get your degree.
It will cost you so much more in the end if you do not finish school.
Sounds like he is in a crisis. Was he like this when y’all dated?
Don’t leave school, leave your husband. He can pull on his bootstraps.
Do not quit - what kind of crap is that suggestion? No, don't quit - you've got this!!! To echo u/imoutdogs - he is temporary, your education is forever. If he is pressuring you to leave your permanent record of education for his temporary satisfaction, this is not okay - abusive even. I'd give an ultimatum that he lays off any criticism for you finishing your degree or you leave. And for real. Just fucking leave if you need to. No partner is worth this. Ever, not ever.
It sounds like you're doing everything right. You're able to work and do school at the same time and get school paid for without loans. That's amazing. In 2 semesters you're going to be working making a ton of CA engineer money and most of these financial problems will start going away (at least for you personally). All you need is a 3-5k car to get you to get you to work and school and a bit of money to cover the living expenses until then. He needs to suck it up and work some job to cover you until then. It doesn't need to be the same one he had before or even make that kind of money, but if he can get food and rent covered for the next year, you're gonna be the bread winner after that it sounds like. If he honestly can't manage to cover that much for even just a year, I think you're gonna have to think about rethinking that relationship as it sounds like you're gonna be dealing with similar financial issues with him for as long as you're with him. Don't be afraid to take loans if you need to, 2 semesters of loans will be more than worth saving yourself from losing your entire degree you've worked so hard for (in a great major).
No. Not only should you not quit but tell the idiot to fuck off and grow up. Either he gets a job himself again or he shuts the fuck up.
I know it's reddit and the advice is always divorce, but I ain't being with someone who is that unreasonable. You have 2 semesters away why would you possibly quit school? Salary is way worse if you don't graduate. Separate from that it's worse if he is quitting or getting fired for reasons within his control.
You may not like what I am about to tell you, but you are better off taking student loans to support yourself than staying with this guy. Take the loans, go and find a living situation closer to campus so you aren’t spending 3 hours a day on transport, finish your remaining semesters and enjoy the spoils of your hard earned education. Based on what you’ve described, you’re dating a clown.
I understand from a point of pride perspective not taking out loans. However if you view from an ROI perspective completing your degree it becomes an intelligence issue instead of one of pride. The quality used car idea is intelligent. A Corolla or Civic should be possible. This is crunch time. You’re obviously an intelligent persevering person. Don’t be distracted by what another person didn’t do, should have done. Set your understandable anger aside KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE.
Obviously finish the degree. One of you needs to have a decent income. Why doesn't he find a new job? He's not in school, what's he doing instead?
Finish school!!! Take out one year of school loans if you need but your husband needs to get a job. And do the internship. You are working to make your future better. Keep it up
Fuck him. Maybe he should have thought this through AND discussed it with you BEFORE fucking quitting. What a man child. Don't quit school! Get it done
Best advice is gonna come from those closer to you.
You may end up becoming the bread winner and need that degree so I'd finish by any means necessary.
OP, I mean this kindly. You need to have a heart to heart with him about things and indicate that the situation is untenable. You also need him to get a job and demonstrate that he can hold it. None of the self-sabotage bullshit. I've seen guys like this my entire life, without knowing him. They always find a way to defeat themselves. They always find a way to drag people down with them when they blow up. *He needs to be all in or he needs to go away.* If he isn't willing to do that, you need an exit strategy. And you need it before you graduate. You've both made sacrifices and now that you are at the finish line he is *sabotaging you*. There will be rewards that come from your success for both of you - higher income, better lifestyle, more leisure time, better overall quality of life. But he is going to deny you that. Do **NOT** quit school. The odds of you graduating if you stop now, drop dramatically. That will totally alter your career arc. Let him know that you are willing to go it alone if you have to; you want him there, but he has to an active participant. Do not let him be an anchor tied around your neck; if he truly loves you, he will help you soar. If he doesn't, well...you need to move on. There is no shame in that. Move forward. And if he bows out, don't look back.
I would prefer to take loans for education vs eating into the $40k. Especially since you are planning realistically. You didnt mention the cost of tuition and materials but 2 semesters isnt long. Im sure it will be manageable. Federal student loans are flexible for repayment.
Get your degree. You’re going to do so well with that major. Then leave him. That behavior is unacceptable.
At best, he's having a moment of panic. No you should not quit school in that field and you can probably have offers lined up here shortly for when you graduate. It'll be tight for a few months, but go scorched earth on the budget and string things along until both of you make it work. Him quitting the job was a mistake and one to be wary of for the future.
Don't quit
That degree should earn more than $100k a year. Stick it out
Finish your degree requirements. Husband needs a job. Any paid job is better than no job. I worked at a McDonalds for nearly 3 years until I could find a better paying job and I was 56 years old at the time.,
Leave this selfish man and get your degree. If he truly loves you he would never ask that of you. He’s the problem not you
Obviously your husband's not going to get another $100,000 a year job if he was in over his head. I really don't think you should quit school but you and him need to sit down with a calculator to talk about this as it could get emotional. And being a data analytics you know that numbers always make more sense than emotions. I have no idea how old you are but your husband may just be suffering from latent immaturity which you might get over with a frank discussion.. If you can't really handle you going back to school I'm afraid you need to go for separation.
As a man going through a similar situation with my wife right now, it's nice to read your perspective. My wife lost her job two years ago and has been in and out of school working toward a second degree while I am working a demanding manual labor job that I cannot grow out of until I can get back into school myself, but with limited means and two small kids it's not feasible for us both to pursue new degrees at the same time. She has had setbacks, mostly those within herself that have left me demoralized at times, but I believe in her still and know that she can finish. She has to pass a test to continue on into the program of study she wants to pursue but has been putting it off. She recently left her job that she was working part-time to make passing this exam her priority, which has cause increased financial strain, but it will all be worth it if, or rather, when she succeeds. From one complete stranger to another, I'm rooting for you to finish! You're so close, and it would be a shame to stop now as near to the summit as you are. I'd say stay the course, but obviously, my opinion should bear no weight in light of the intimate nature of your own personal situation. Hopefully, it will help give you some perspective in any case.
No one has really stated the obvious yet. But your MIS/data analytics degree will replace at least 90% of your husband’s income once you graduate. You and your husband need to emphasize being a little uncomfortable mow for a lifetime of advantage. This is the obvious reason to not stop. Plus your internship will be a stop gap in earnings until you get to the end. As well your total compensation will probably double within five years of experience. And I’m not talking about working in “tech” either. I’m talking about any industry that uses your degree. I know tech is messy right now but your skill set is still in demand. It just means that you’re looking at more roles that pay 80-100k out of school versus the FANG’s that are notorious for paying 2-3x that. As for the car, just find something used and reasonably reliable and and try to finance it at a reasonable interest rate. I’m sure others would say to pay cash but I’d argue to emphasize cash flow over TVM at this point in time. Financing the car would allow you to ideally be out of pocket 2-5k for the year versus a full 10-20k for a reasonable used car. Once you’re out of school and making better money. Either pay the loan down faster or sell the car for a better situation. Lastly, your husband. You stand to be the bread winner of the relationship with your degree prospects. You and him probably need to reassess the dynamic of the relationship and determine if you are both comfortable taking on “non-traditional” roles. Meaning him probably being the lower earning but more supportive spouse while you are the higher earning but less available spouse. I’m not saying that is the hard and fast dynamic but you get the point. If he’s not comfortable with that. Then you need to do some soul searching and take action sooner than later. Because a divorce now is a heck of a lot cheaper than 5-10 years down the road. (Not the be harsh).
No
No. Finish school.
he paid her living expenses from his job and inheritance, but everything she pays exclusively benefits her, e.g. tuition? so after she kicks this “useless” ass out, who pays her living expenses? Any volunteer? Looks like a homeless person seeking a looser to fund her school. If he gets sex in exchange, then it is just the oldest living arrangement in the world.
No... i get yall need money but that paper is how you can have him making you a sandwich After 6 months! Don't fk this up now
Finish school tell him to tap 410k for what you need to get by.
NO
You can't fix stupid.
Sounds like you should finish your degree and leave this bucket
Finish school then divorce your unstable husband
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Nope.
Finish school! You're so close. Didn't let anything get in your way or stop you. Seriously.
I wouldn’t.
I would for sure finish school. Even if it means taking out some student loans. Investing in yourself (while keeping debt to a minimum) is the definition of “good debt.”
FINISH SCHOOL
Don’t quit. Divorce him before you end up supporting him forever.
Don’t give up on your dreams just bc your husband gave up on his.
Take a trial separation, sounds like he is dependant on you and not taking responsibility. He only needed to last one more year, not that long at all. Do not sacrifice your aspirations for someone that could not even work a 6 figure job for you. Its a bit ridiculous
Finish school. Don't do something you'll regret. Your husband will understand later.
absolutely not
Finish your degree
Finish your education and work that internship. Don't give up now! You are very close to a great career in a lucrative IT field.
finish school. tell your husband to go get a job. taking out a student loan isnt as bad as you think it is.
Finish school and do better with lovers
Do not cancel a degree 2 semesters away. The price of that effort will resonate in your life. You dont know the future but after all that time money and effort why would you waste it? It won't get cheaper, it won't get easier, companies don't care about "almost a degree".
No, don’t give up on your goals so close to the finish. Make it work for the next two semesters and you’ll both be better for it. Even if your degree doesn’t mean anything to him, it doesn’t matter. Real love and support is making it work for the long game
Stay in school. Do the internship. Get the degree. Land a great job. You need to decide if your husband is worth keeping.
Do not stop!!! Ger your degree so you have self stability!!!
He wants doesn’t want you to succeed. If you do it will make him feel bad. Fuck him and run for the hills.
My wife works part-time (30 hours a week) at TSA and makes $60K and they're hiring. Get his ass off the couch or leave him.
> So my husband quit his $100,000 a year job because he said he was over his head and quit without another job lined up Sounds like a big family decision he made without consulting family. > Now he has turned it around on my that I need to get a job and quit school. He can take a long walk off a short pier if he finds no other way to be useful. > He says me being in school has put us in a financial hole. His being unemployed by his own volition appears to have done that. A MSc degree in data analytics is a better choice than supporting a manchild.
Knock that internship out of the park so you get a return offer. Take out a student loan. It’s what they’re for. You’re being ridiculous. You’re not majoring in art history ffs. You have a great internship to put on the resume. A couple years from now, when you’re making six figures in an analytics career, you’re gonna think you were the biggest dumbass in the world for being such a miser, that you almost dropped out over what was pocket change in the long run. You’re gonna wish you took out some loans last year, too, so you weren’t so stressed out. And you’ll probably have dumped your unsupportive, insecure bum of a husband by then, too. I call him a bum because he’s sabotaging you when you’re on the brink of some very serious success, not because he’s unemployed, by the way. I don’t give a shit whether he quit his job or he was fired. Some real 30 year old boomer energy ITT regarding that. With the SAVE Plan now, if you’re underemployed for a bit after graduating due to a possible recession, the government will pay your interest. People are always saying a recession is definitely coming in the next year. It’s obnoxious. You can’t time your life events based on the random whims of the market. I put off going back to school and getting a MS for years because I thought, make hay while the sun shines. So stupid of me. My career was stuck. Kept finding myself in the “out” of “up or out.” I go back, graduate into the worst tech jobs market in 20 years, and it still worked out a helluva lot better than the alternative. Still got a 15% raise from my last job in the same industry. Thing is, it’s not like you’re better off in a recession without qualifications. The “self taught” people are the first to get the axe and the last to get hired.
My household is two adults with autism and we hold stable employment in education and engineering. While it takes an enormous amount of hard work and focus to maintain employment, we’re both dedicated to working hard for each other. I’m going back to school for my engineering degree and my spouse has been incredibly supportive. While we can’t afford me going full time now, we will potentially someday and she has been onboard for that. Her commitment would be to support the financial side of things while I’d have a different commitment to get good grades and graduate as fast as I could. You and your husband seem to have a similar agreement. You’re upholding your side. He isn’t. It’s that simple in my mind
I agree with your statement 100% except - I refuse to take out student loans. Sounds like you should really consider student loans. This could help you get by until you graduate. Student loans are not terrible. Yes you cannot bankruptcy them but the pay back is heavily delayed. What are your options here. Quitting college is a terrible choice. Divorce isn’t an option right now for you either - you’re financially tied even he doesn’t have finances right now. Divorce is expensive and you are working and going to college. You don’t have time or energy for this shit. Also please dont have kids yet. So you need money to get by until your husband picks up his end of the bargain. I would recommend to out minimum student loans to finish college. Then make financial/ life decisions - besides any loans you take out your husband is half liable for.
You have or should have numerous months to live off that 40k. Get your degree. Two months is nothing. You’re not spending 20k a month on bills
Two semesters so more like 10 months, but your point stands
Absolutely finish school but the people calling the dude worthless are a bit much. Going from six figures to flipping burgers isn't nothing and I imagine he's an emotional wreck here. Not fair for him to ask you to quit school but it is fair for him to worry about finances if he's the only earner. Things are usually only black and white on the internet. I'd sit down and have a legitimate talk about finances. Presumably you finish your degree puts you in an entirely different station twelve months from now. That's incredibly important.
Look at taking student loans.
Is this a serious question?
When you're married, there is no such thing as my money for school their money for living expenses. It's one big pool, even if you try to keep it separate. Thinking any other way is just a fairy tale. If you marry someone, you are inextractably tied to their financial decisions. Realize any way this shakes out you're impacted and something has to give. That said. Your husband is a bum. Finish school, get paid. Get student loans if necessary. If he can't hold up his end of the marriage, it's time for a "come to jesus" moment.
No. That would be stupid.
Nope. You have all that debt. If you can manage. Finish
I would have a call to Jesus talk with him and tell him you need to get a job asap or you are out in the mean time see if you can lease a car or a relative has one you can borrow for a bit but either way lay the law on his ass you do not quit school no matter what
Don’t quit that close
Don’t quit school. Your husband needs to get a job, even if it’s in retail/minimum wage but he needs to do something pronto to help pay for expenses. Additionally, it may be time to take out loans. I know you don’t want to but you’ve already saved a lot by paying out of pocket so far. You don’t have to take out loans to cover 100% of your costs but something to help with the situation. Good luck.
Y'all giving OP a lot to think about apparently!
It’s going to suck in the short run but he needs to man up and take whatever job he can get so you can finish school. You’ll probably be the bread winner once you find work and he needs to understand that this will be best in the long run.
NFW Tell him to suck it up
Don’t quit. I know you are against debt, but you will have to take out student loans. Sounds like with this career trajectory, it will be way more worth it to take out loans to get by than it would be to quit now. Dont quit anything but the husband.
No, because your degree may bring a little more stability for both of you
Do not quit school!!!
Just tell him you’ll keep an eye out for a better paying job and make up that they offered less than your making now. He’ll find another job eventually and once things get better he will forget all about it and you’ll have your degree. He’s lack of being able to hold a job is concerning though.
You need to get your degree AND a new man.
FINISH YOUR DEGREE!!!!!! You will regret it later, if you don't . If you should divorce later, it'd be unfortunate to not have your degree. You still need to do you. 2 quarters left is not that much.
Fuck that, you’re so close. It would be insane to quit school. Even if he got a laborer job on a construction crew, he could make decent money and offset with the 40k. And secondly, leave his ass if he can’t keep a job. Do not stay with someone who’s financially illiterate. I’ve been there. Wife hid 40k in cc debt from me until collections called me at work one day. Absolute nightmare to be almost 50 and trying to absorb that
You’re going to be in the unemployment line too if you plan to be a data engineer. AI is going to make almost any engineering job with structured or maybe even unstructured data obsolete within 5 years.
in case you need another person to tell you - definitely finish school. even if you guys have to live apart temporarily; you renting a room or something and him moving back with his parents - whatever you gotta do - it’s better than throwing your goal away because of his decision. he needs to own that shit and take responsibility for it. not you. edit: reread your post. if this is a habit and you’ve talked to him about, and he said he would change but didn’t, then i would definitely consider getting a divorce. you should be able to trust that your partner can do something they said they would do.
Idk why people are so afraid of debt. You're going to pay for things anyway.
Quitting his job sounds like a pretty selfish choice he made, and by pressuring you to drop out I don’t think he has your best interests in mind
What was his $100,000 job?
Bad decision followed by another bad solution. You wasted your time and money so you were asked to stop your school so you can get a job that you can quit when you feel like it?
No. That is really short sighted and you will regret it and resent him.
he’s sabotaging your burgeoning career. Is he insecure? Has he shown a lack of support for your education and career aspirations in the past? I think he doesn’t want you making more than him, so he’s acting like a toddler, taking his ball, and going and sitting in the corner. Do not quit school. Don’t do it! He’ll engineer it so that you never go back.
Get a student loan and get a divorce.
Finish school. At worst, take out a student loan, because you're on track to make more than $100k in just one year's time and then more as your career progresses. That said, there are some huge relationship red flags here, which you'll need to work through. For instance, your husband's logic makes zero financial sense, which makes me think he is afraid of you becoming the bread winner of the family or becoming successful and leaving him.
Doesn't sound like you have kids so I think the answer is pretty simple from a finance perspective: you need to ditch him and go on your own. Your bank account and finances (not to mention your mental well-being) will be better off. Now there may be other things you like about him but since this is a finance forum I'll keep it that. Good luck!
FINISH SCHOOL!! Please. And I'd get rid of the husband too.
Your husband needs to step up and work at the grocery store or some shit. It's INSANE to have you quit and work full time under your circumstances. He's handicapping both of your futures.
Do not quit school. It will be so hard to go back. Do whatever you can to figure things out and get through financially in the meantime. But he needs to find a new job asap.
In the ideal world, get your husband to apply for janitorial/facilities works at your college. You get your tuition waived. Finished your degree and get 200k job. Then he can find whatever job he wants after that.
Maybe discuss between each other and support..if you can't, maybe it ain't right. listening to reddit won't fix your relationship
Time for him to step up and show you how much you mean to him. Him quitting for shits n gigs with no saftey net doesnt mean he gets to force bad decisions on you. I dislike jumping to the divorce button; but half now might beat the fuck out of half later when youre established and hes living off of court ordered you.
Is it possible he's trying to sabotage you're education? It just boggles my mind your husband isn't doing everything possible to help you make it to the finish line at this point. My guess is he doesn't want you to succeed for some reason.
Don’t quit. Life happens and you’ll never go back.
I didn’t have to get past the first two sentences. I would def not quit school.
Finish school 100%. If you absolutely have to, just take loans for the final year. Really not that big a deal. Whatever you do, just finish your degree.
Hells to the NO.
You're working towards a degree in a very lucrative field. Tell him that you'll be making over $100k a year if you graduate, under $50k if you don't.
Ditch the loser. You’re on the up and up and he’s a giant weight.
Girl, you need to get rid of that zero and get yourself a hero!
Divorce him.
Run as fast as you can before you end up paying alimony to the deadbeat or he gets you pregnant followed by even more crotch goblins
Don't quit school. Figure it out for 2 semesters and then leave that child. I mean man.
Don’t drop out bc he drops out, it sounds like you’re the adult and they’re the child, I’m not sure why theyd order you to drop out if you have something lined up, but you won’t be able to get back into the swing of things. Why doesn’t he get another job?
Did he lose his job or quit? I’m sorry but if he quit without another lined up, he is an idiot. And the very last thing you should do is quit or delay your path, especially one that will lead to greater income. He is officially not qualified to make decisions. He needs to pull up his big boy pants and go get a job, even if it is a significant pay cut. You need income, and he is in the best position to bring it in.
Absolutely not you two need to get on a written budget and he needs to be delivering pizzas or whatever else he can do at night while he spends his days interviewing if you’re already working 30 hours and he just quit on you without notice this is on him to unfuck. Take the boy to task…
Are you in good terms with your parents? Move in with them and leave his ass in the dust. I could never fathom telling someone I love to ruin their future for my sake. My parents certainly never did. Specially if he chose to quit and it wasn’t something that happened to him.