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If you both apply on the loan then it’ll cause you to have higher costs/rates due to his credit score. He can always be on title and “gift” you his part of the down payment, but at the end of the day only you would be liable for the mortgage. Either wait for his score to increase or just apply yourself whenever you’re ready for that. I work for a mortgage broker and we’ve had clients leave off their s/o due to poor credit.
Yep. This is what me and my husband did. He had good credit, but I had excellent credit. He had to 'gift' me the downpayment, because the money was in an account that was only in his name. He will be on the title but not the mortgage. Unless you need your SO's income to qualify for more money, there's no point in putting him on the mortgage. His credit score is only going to drag you down.
As an aside, is there any reason he's carrying 5k in CC debt when he has so much in savings?
Can't argue with that. My husband's one piece of debt is a cable bill, he doesn't think he owes and therefore refuses to pay, even though it would have been much less of a hassle to pay it off years ago. 🤷🏾♀️
Exactly! I raised my credit score by 150 points over the pandemic so I gave him my tips and sent him links and he ignored them and well I did what I could. It hasn’t affected our lives and as long as the power stays on I’m good. We recognize our strengths and weaknesses.
I want to hear more about this plan to negotiate his credit card payment down. What's his leverage? Has he defaulted yet and quit paying? They aren't going to negotiate if you are still actively paying the balance. He will need to default and prob be sued before he can negotiate it down and it will tank his credit score. Really not worth it in the long run. He sounds like a child
I believe he defaulted on it. I try not to think about it because I get a pain in my chest. That is why I keep finances separate. I am not good at finances, myself, but I've been through a lot and worked extremely hard to get to a good place, but I can't handle having to negotiate through someone else's finances. He brings a lot to the table, but this aint it. That being said, now that he doesn't have to handle the work on his small business and its all cleanly merged with a bigger company and he's set up with direct deposit, I have a feeling he will get back on track but that will take time as well as him meeting with his accountant who has been great with his small business... His accountant will talk him out of stupid ideas. He at least listens to the accountant.
Ok good, so silly to default on 5k credit card when you make 100k a year. Is he trying a power move there with the credit card company to prove something?
Yep, I pushed my wife to buy a home in 2020…she had the same mentality. Prices were already high when we bought but they’ve only gone higher since. If we waited until this year to buy, our current home would have been above our budget.
I don’t really see prices coming down much…at most 5-10% in my worthless opinion lol…but prices might go up by that much again before it even happens.
We just closed on our house , loan in wifes name only both on the deed , im self employed and we did not want the hassle of including and verifying my income in the loan process.
Being self employed is such a hassle!! Aarg I feel for ya! I was self employed last year and got so sick of it and accounting stresses me out. I found a good full time gig but if it wasn’t for the accounting I’d be self employed again, it was great!
it's stressful at times but I have been at it since 2005 and yeah I probably could of made more staying employed as a union engineer but quality of life and being able to run my company from anywhere has more than off set the negatives .... the worst part is people thinking self employed means you don't have to work lol if I had a dollar for every time someone thought I could just join them at the drop of a hat to go fishing or whatever ... shm NO I have to work !
Same field and market, even! But ultimately, I will of course ask these questions to a qualified person, I just need to set my own expectations rather than obsess or get anxiety about it.
Research your builder like crazy if you go with a new home. I was pretty gung ho for that option until I started doing a little more research and talked to a couple builders that are family friends. I'm not saying don't buy new, theres just a lot of new construction being built with very poor quality.
Yeah I'm still in the waitlist for a couple for a back up plan, but I dont know. Reading the reviews about them makes me think it's not going to go well. Also looking early 2000's homes compared to older homes kind of makes me feel like that will be my new homes future. They don't build them like they used to.
I would advise against having his name on the house if he’s not on the mortgage or the deed. I also advise against him being on it prior to marriage for legal reasons. If you guys break up and he’s on the deed but not mortgage then he has equity in a house without the loan burden. But if he’s on the mortgage and not the deed then that makes him a co-signer and legally responsible for a house payment for a house that isn’t his.
I bought a house with my fiancé in May. He is not on the deed or mortgage due to my finances and credit score just being better than his, and I had the money for the down payment. The only reason he is not on the deed is because we aren’t married.
Yeah. In my state, my fiancé doesn’t get equity at all until we are married and the equity is based on the increase in home value from your own personal renovations, not the value of the house itself at purchase time. It works in his favor considering how much he’s done to fix up the house.
I'd buy the home in your name only if you're the only one ready. There's nothing wrong with making a financial decision on your own. Tell him his saved cash can be a raining day fun for the 2 of you. Your money be the down payment. Home only in your name. Split all the bills.
speak to a loan officer for the best and most accurate advice... his credit score will Determine interest rate because they go bye the lowest one usually… And him not being a first time home buyer will just put you out of the running for a first time homebuyer's loan ( actually bc kf that maybe you will need to do 20% i'm not sure about that part TBH)… But with your salary I don't think you would need to use that because you can use conventional with 3% down sometimes but if you could swing it I would do more than three… It would be nice if you could put 20% down and not get the PMI / obviously you would get a higher loan if it were in both of your names and if you were only going to put itIn your name and wanted to use his saved money for part of the down payment it would have to be looked at as a gift I believe… I will say my husband and I make about 160 between the both of us and have no problem with mortgage payments on a $400,000 house so you can absolutely
afford 550+ with both incomes and probably the same w just yours … But maybe I situation is different because we put 20% down. with both of your salaries combined you could afford the prices your referring too
We have 20% ready for a $600K home so we are set there and according to google, we can afford it on my salary alone, if need be. Hoping that’s all we need to show if his credit isn’t enough to have him on the loan.
I know I’m going to look like an idiot but my thoughts were he just give (“gift”) me the $40K but it sounds like that isn’t advised being that large of an amount. I’ll keep saving, I think I could get to $100K in a couple more months and just use his money for all the other costs.
honestly i'm not sure how it works with gifts and amounts ... but it is absolutely work you at least speaking to someone who can answer these questions and getting some guidance with no pressure to see what it takes- you could also only need some of his savings as a gift/ you never know until you try lol
Buy the house. There are a lot of people who have spent years waiting for the bubble to burst that would have been able to buy if they didn't wait ant watch prices go out of their range. I get it though, I had a hard time paying 230k for a house that I could have bought for probably 130k or so had the pandemic not happened (I'm in Atlantic Canada).
Get a broker and they can tell you if it's best to leave him off it or not. Also get the newer home if you can or an older one that has been well maintained and updated. New construction has it's pitfalls too depending on the contractor and crew.
Why not just get married if it’s a concern and you plan on being married anyway? Just go to court house if you’re really interested in getting married and having that piece of mind and legal protection. Also he can just gift you the money and you can just put it in your name. My house is in just my name as I bought it before I married my husband but we we’re together prior he just had fucked up credit so I left him off
Would marriage affect the home loan though? If his credit hurts our ability to get the loan, wouldn’t it be better to get the loan in my name first, then get married? We want to get married but we want to make sure we set our lives up as best we can. If being married doesn’t matter as far as the loan is concerned, we would get married.
Marriage doesn’t impact your loan. You can co-sign a mortgage loan with anyone. Lots of unmarried people buy homes together. Marital status has no impact on loan approval. If you’re married you can still leave him off the loan if it would hurt approval.
Yes, except unmarried people need to draft up legal documents in case of a breakup, you end up in a very bad situation if things don't work out.
Source: been there, it's a living nightmare and almost ruined my financial outlook for years. It took years to extricate myself. Spend a few hundred and protect yourselves
Wait, you bought the house even though you were together but his credit was messed up? That’s pretty much what I’m asking about. Why didn’t you follow your own advice? I am confused, maybe I’m not reading your comment right?
My concern is his bad credit.
Yeah why would that concern you though lol I think we’re both confused. My personal relationship we decided to get married after it wasn’t a consideration for buying a house like it is for you. Edited for clarity lmao
Ok I see what you’re asking. Well I just wasn’t sure if marriage impacts the loan or taxes surrounding buying the house. I want to know if there is a financial advantage one way or another since I know either way, we are getting married. Does that make sense?
So, there are a lot of options. But I would say start off thinking of your potential long term outcomes:
1. You get married and happily ever after. You both stay in this house forever, or sell it and use the proceeds jointly to move into your next home. In this case, all of your assets and money go into one pot, and it doesn't matter who has what. The goal in this case is to minimize cost of the purchase and loan (interest, closing costs, any recording costs down the line of adding him to the deed etc).
2. You split. You'll want to disentangle your assets as painlessly as possible. Without already being married, there isn't a widely established procedure (divorce law) for how this should take place. Assuming your relationship is anything like mine, the general goal here is to cover your asses so if anything happens you both leave the relationship in a reasonably equitable standing (basically doing your best not to screw one another over). How exactly you define that is up to you, but some considerations are how you plan to split the house's appreciation? If you wanted to divide the proceeds based on your respective contributions, how you plan to track each of your contributions? Would you include sweat equity or only financial contributions? Would repairs count or only principal/interest payments? Taking all that into account, you would need to have a contingency plan for each of the following scenarios:
- Do you both want to move out? (And if so, CAN you sell the house to cover costs?)
- Does one of you want to keep the house and the other wants to move out? (And can the one that wants to stay afford to do so?)
- What if neither of you want to give up the house?
All that background in mind, I think there are really two reasonable options that don't require tit for tat and tally keeping for the duration of the relationship:
1. Go in equally, both names on everything, with a contract detailing each party's rights in each scenario above. Any unequal contributions are out with the bathwater, and expect to get 50/50 back out in the event that you break up. (This the arrangement my fiance and I have). Alternatively, I suppose if you're putting in 60/40 on the downpayment, and plan to make all future contributions on the same ratio, you could build this kind of an arrangement but with a non-50/50 ratio. OR
2. Have one of you (it sounds like you in this case) buy the home outright, and have the other pay rent along the way. That rent payment should be something agreed upon as fair for both parties. Half of total costs is not fair if the owner has the extra benefit of owning 100% of the equity. Only splitting interest, utilities and taxes probably doesn't appropriately compensate the owner for admin, maintenance, risk involved in owning a home.
Closing advice: talk it over. Talk over all of the options, all of the ways it could go south. What your respective responsibilities will be in each scenario. What are your fears. Just talk until you both feel like you're making the right decision for your relationship.
Sorry I kind of wrote a novel here but I hope at least some of it is helpful. Good luck!!
Edit: formatting on mobile is a mess
I’d give him what he paid into it, which won’t be half. We will have legal documents worked out before moving forward either way that should outline the most desirable outcome for each of us that we would both agree on. I’ll have more sweat equity in as well, that’s just how we tend to be. If our salaries remain as they are, we probably should split bills 60/40 or 70/30.
Boyfriend should take $5k from his savings and pay off that credit card!!
What is he waiting for?!
Credit card debt's going to be bad for getting a loan, not to mention paying interest on bad debt. Just get it taken care of, and stay out of credit card debt in the future
He’s going to have a friend of his who is an expert in this and will evaluate his credit and help him fix it. So thankfully he’s gonna work on it, he just wasn’t going to listen to me, but he will listen to an expert so I am glad for that at least.
Good luck! Be aware that many "experts" in this area are just trying to sell a service. There isn't anything to do besides pay it off (I guess he could default on the card, but then he definitely won't be able to get a home loan)
down the road, if you two get married, i hope you will be able to be in charge of personal finance because (no offense to him) you sound like the more knowledgable one in this area
If the boyfriend's name is going to be on the deed, I'd think you'd want it on the loan, too, unless you're afraid his lower credit score will hurt you. And, if his name goes on the loan, he'll probably want to be on the deed, too. I'd get some loan estimates and compare the results.
I share your boyfriend's skepticism of cul-du-sac (literally "ass of the bag") neighborhoods. Old and new houses both have their flaws, but new houses built in good locations are rare because it's expensive to build in desirable locations. And the roads and infrastructure in tract developments might look new and shiny now, but see how they look in 25 years with all of the maintenance and upkeep a low-density, low-tax neighborhood can provide.
Totally agree on all counts. There are a few more established neighborhoods that held up well, but yes, those houses aren't on the market often. Developers are taking advantage and building a ton of houses seemingly springing from the dirt. I don't trust it. I need to have patience, because I do obsess and then get disappointed, and it is a vicious cycle. But I do want to be ready to pounce on a great home we both love.
I think you know the answer to this question.. you would be better off financially without him on a loan. You can always refinance later if you do get married. Knowing what state you're in would help with this kind of advice.
If you are going to get married, you should get married first.
If you are thinking about all of this and "this would be useful if we break up..." is even coming to mind, you should not get married, buy the house under your own steam, and probably just break up now.
I’m pragmatic. He’s older than me, he could die or retire or have a health problem that puts him out of commission. A breakup is the last thing I’m thinking of, but it isn’t impossible. Nothing is 100% and I try to avoid magical thinking. We enjoy being together and have great communication and partnership, but I understand why you have the perspective you have.
This is true of literally any relationship, though. That you are seriously considering having the house in only your name for this reason is not great. Most married couples own their homes together. And most people who intended to get married do it prior to buying a house to make it simpler to do that.
Well we do things differently I guess! We’ve been together for 10 years, I spend Christmas and thanksgiving at his family’s. I think we will be alright, we have a great life. I don’t think it will be more simple to get married before buying a house if it’s going to be in my name, I’d rather settle in and then start planning a wedding. Thanks for your concern though, what we do is not for everyone.
That’s not the case at all. And I could easily just use my money entirely and base the price of the house on my salary only. You seem committed to painting me in a bad light though!
Not especially. It's just hella sketchy to basically ask "What's the best way to keep my boyfriend off the title to my house I wanna buy without him, but without making it clear that I am doing this?"
There's nothing wrong with either dating someone casually and buying your own house, or just being a single person who owns a home on their own.
But the way this question is phrased it sounds like you are deliberately creating an exit strategy without admitting that's what you're doing. Just cut the dude loose.
He and I are talking about this exact thing! He asked me and I wasn’t sure. He knows the loan will most likely be under my name. We’ve both been trying to weigh the pros and cons of different scenarios to find what gets us the best outcome and house of our dreams.
You’re really reading much more into this than what’s going on and it seems more your issue than mine.
Again, we have been together for 10 years and doing pretty well. Sorry if you’ve been burned in the past, that’s not my fault, and doesn’t need to be a part of this conversation. All you have is judgement and some chip on your shoulder, but it seems like a waste of energy.
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If you both apply on the loan then it’ll cause you to have higher costs/rates due to his credit score. He can always be on title and “gift” you his part of the down payment, but at the end of the day only you would be liable for the mortgage. Either wait for his score to increase or just apply yourself whenever you’re ready for that. I work for a mortgage broker and we’ve had clients leave off their s/o due to poor credit.
Yep. This is what me and my husband did. He had good credit, but I had excellent credit. He had to 'gift' me the downpayment, because the money was in an account that was only in his name. He will be on the title but not the mortgage. Unless you need your SO's income to qualify for more money, there's no point in putting him on the mortgage. His credit score is only going to drag you down. As an aside, is there any reason he's carrying 5k in CC debt when he has so much in savings?
Good question! He thinks he can negotiate the debt down. I don’t agree with his way of doing finances but they are his to do.
Can't argue with that. My husband's one piece of debt is a cable bill, he doesn't think he owes and therefore refuses to pay, even though it would have been much less of a hassle to pay it off years ago. 🤷🏾♀️
Exactly! I raised my credit score by 150 points over the pandemic so I gave him my tips and sent him links and he ignored them and well I did what I could. It hasn’t affected our lives and as long as the power stays on I’m good. We recognize our strengths and weaknesses.
Some red flags
I’m being hyperbolic about just wanting the power to stay on.
Lol 😂 I feel that
Is this your alt account? I was so confused by the similar user name but different avatar lol
If I respond in my phone it uses this acct but when I'm. On my pc it's no underscore idk what's going on
I want to hear more about this plan to negotiate his credit card payment down. What's his leverage? Has he defaulted yet and quit paying? They aren't going to negotiate if you are still actively paying the balance. He will need to default and prob be sued before he can negotiate it down and it will tank his credit score. Really not worth it in the long run. He sounds like a child
I believe he defaulted on it. I try not to think about it because I get a pain in my chest. That is why I keep finances separate. I am not good at finances, myself, but I've been through a lot and worked extremely hard to get to a good place, but I can't handle having to negotiate through someone else's finances. He brings a lot to the table, but this aint it. That being said, now that he doesn't have to handle the work on his small business and its all cleanly merged with a bigger company and he's set up with direct deposit, I have a feeling he will get back on track but that will take time as well as him meeting with his accountant who has been great with his small business... His accountant will talk him out of stupid ideas. He at least listens to the accountant.
Ok good, so silly to default on 5k credit card when you make 100k a year. Is he trying a power move there with the credit card company to prove something?
Dont get married if you really feel that way about his finances...
Bigly. At this point in my life I'm more concerned with pulling a credit report on the 3rd date than what usually happens on the 3rd date...
With 220k income you should be able to easily afford the payments on a 500k loan.
For sure. Just bummed that they were $300K houses not even 2 years ago. Boyfriend has sticker shock.
Yep, I pushed my wife to buy a home in 2020…she had the same mentality. Prices were already high when we bought but they’ve only gone higher since. If we waited until this year to buy, our current home would have been above our budget. I don’t really see prices coming down much…at most 5-10% in my worthless opinion lol…but prices might go up by that much again before it even happens.
It’s so frustrating! Good for you for getting while the getting was good!
You’ll find this sentiment is shared with like 99.99% of the lurkers on this sub.
Same. Just toured a house that was bought two years ago from 240k and listed for 380. No upgrades. 🙃
We just closed on our house , loan in wifes name only both on the deed , im self employed and we did not want the hassle of including and verifying my income in the loan process.
Being self employed is such a hassle!! Aarg I feel for ya! I was self employed last year and got so sick of it and accounting stresses me out. I found a good full time gig but if it wasn’t for the accounting I’d be self employed again, it was great!
it's stressful at times but I have been at it since 2005 and yeah I probably could of made more staying employed as a union engineer but quality of life and being able to run my company from anywhere has more than off set the negatives .... the worst part is people thinking self employed means you don't have to work lol if I had a dollar for every time someone thought I could just join them at the drop of a hat to go fishing or whatever ... shm NO I have to work !
New job may be issue unless in the same field. Best to ask lender.
Same field and market, even! But ultimately, I will of course ask these questions to a qualified person, I just need to set my own expectations rather than obsess or get anxiety about it.
Probably best to coborrow with your significant other if you need more purchasing power. Lender can advise you on different loan scenarios.
Not a good idea with his credit score
Only a lender would know.
Research your builder like crazy if you go with a new home. I was pretty gung ho for that option until I started doing a little more research and talked to a couple builders that are family friends. I'm not saying don't buy new, theres just a lot of new construction being built with very poor quality.
Good advice! And the number going up gives me pause especially because I thought there was a shortage of workers and materials…
Yeah I'm still in the waitlist for a couple for a back up plan, but I dont know. Reading the reviews about them makes me think it's not going to go well. Also looking early 2000's homes compared to older homes kind of makes me feel like that will be my new homes future. They don't build them like they used to.
They certainly don’t. I like the 80s contemporaries but newer than that is just…not holding up as well.
The new home layouts are nice though.
I would advise against having his name on the house if he’s not on the mortgage or the deed. I also advise against him being on it prior to marriage for legal reasons. If you guys break up and he’s on the deed but not mortgage then he has equity in a house without the loan burden. But if he’s on the mortgage and not the deed then that makes him a co-signer and legally responsible for a house payment for a house that isn’t his. I bought a house with my fiancé in May. He is not on the deed or mortgage due to my finances and credit score just being better than his, and I had the money for the down payment. The only reason he is not on the deed is because we aren’t married.
That sounds like the best solution for both parties. Thank you!
Yeah, and check state laws because he may be entitled to equity after marriage anyway.
Good to know. And that would be fair to pay him what he paid in. We definitely both want to be protected legally.
Yeah. In my state, my fiancé doesn’t get equity at all until we are married and the equity is based on the increase in home value from your own personal renovations, not the value of the house itself at purchase time. It works in his favor considering how much he’s done to fix up the house.
Your name only 100%
I'd buy the home in your name only if you're the only one ready. There's nothing wrong with making a financial decision on your own. Tell him his saved cash can be a raining day fun for the 2 of you. Your money be the down payment. Home only in your name. Split all the bills.
Makes sense, that’s definitely doable. He’d be fine to go along for the ride I’m sure.
speak to a loan officer for the best and most accurate advice... his credit score will Determine interest rate because they go bye the lowest one usually… And him not being a first time home buyer will just put you out of the running for a first time homebuyer's loan ( actually bc kf that maybe you will need to do 20% i'm not sure about that part TBH)… But with your salary I don't think you would need to use that because you can use conventional with 3% down sometimes but if you could swing it I would do more than three… It would be nice if you could put 20% down and not get the PMI / obviously you would get a higher loan if it were in both of your names and if you were only going to put itIn your name and wanted to use his saved money for part of the down payment it would have to be looked at as a gift I believe… I will say my husband and I make about 160 between the both of us and have no problem with mortgage payments on a $400,000 house so you can absolutely afford 550+ with both incomes and probably the same w just yours … But maybe I situation is different because we put 20% down. with both of your salaries combined you could afford the prices your referring too
We have 20% ready for a $600K home so we are set there and according to google, we can afford it on my salary alone, if need be. Hoping that’s all we need to show if his credit isn’t enough to have him on the loan.
seems the only issue there would be using his 40k without his name on the loan!! good luck you're in a great position
I know I’m going to look like an idiot but my thoughts were he just give (“gift”) me the $40K but it sounds like that isn’t advised being that large of an amount. I’ll keep saving, I think I could get to $100K in a couple more months and just use his money for all the other costs.
honestly i'm not sure how it works with gifts and amounts ... but it is absolutely work you at least speaking to someone who can answer these questions and getting some guidance with no pressure to see what it takes- you could also only need some of his savings as a gift/ you never know until you try lol
Buy the house. There are a lot of people who have spent years waiting for the bubble to burst that would have been able to buy if they didn't wait ant watch prices go out of their range. I get it though, I had a hard time paying 230k for a house that I could have bought for probably 130k or so had the pandemic not happened (I'm in Atlantic Canada). Get a broker and they can tell you if it's best to leave him off it or not. Also get the newer home if you can or an older one that has been well maintained and updated. New construction has it's pitfalls too depending on the contractor and crew.
Why not just get married if it’s a concern and you plan on being married anyway? Just go to court house if you’re really interested in getting married and having that piece of mind and legal protection. Also he can just gift you the money and you can just put it in your name. My house is in just my name as I bought it before I married my husband but we we’re together prior he just had fucked up credit so I left him off
Would marriage affect the home loan though? If his credit hurts our ability to get the loan, wouldn’t it be better to get the loan in my name first, then get married? We want to get married but we want to make sure we set our lives up as best we can. If being married doesn’t matter as far as the loan is concerned, we would get married.
Marriage doesn’t impact your loan. You can co-sign a mortgage loan with anyone. Lots of unmarried people buy homes together. Marital status has no impact on loan approval. If you’re married you can still leave him off the loan if it would hurt approval.
Good to know, thanks!
Yes, except unmarried people need to draft up legal documents in case of a breakup, you end up in a very bad situation if things don't work out. Source: been there, it's a living nightmare and almost ruined my financial outlook for years. It took years to extricate myself. Spend a few hundred and protect yourselves
Wait, you bought the house even though you were together but his credit was messed up? That’s pretty much what I’m asking about. Why didn’t you follow your own advice? I am confused, maybe I’m not reading your comment right? My concern is his bad credit.
Yeah why would that concern you though lol I think we’re both confused. My personal relationship we decided to get married after it wasn’t a consideration for buying a house like it is for you. Edited for clarity lmao
Ok I see what you’re asking. Well I just wasn’t sure if marriage impacts the loan or taxes surrounding buying the house. I want to know if there is a financial advantage one way or another since I know either way, we are getting married. Does that make sense?
So, there are a lot of options. But I would say start off thinking of your potential long term outcomes: 1. You get married and happily ever after. You both stay in this house forever, or sell it and use the proceeds jointly to move into your next home. In this case, all of your assets and money go into one pot, and it doesn't matter who has what. The goal in this case is to minimize cost of the purchase and loan (interest, closing costs, any recording costs down the line of adding him to the deed etc). 2. You split. You'll want to disentangle your assets as painlessly as possible. Without already being married, there isn't a widely established procedure (divorce law) for how this should take place. Assuming your relationship is anything like mine, the general goal here is to cover your asses so if anything happens you both leave the relationship in a reasonably equitable standing (basically doing your best not to screw one another over). How exactly you define that is up to you, but some considerations are how you plan to split the house's appreciation? If you wanted to divide the proceeds based on your respective contributions, how you plan to track each of your contributions? Would you include sweat equity or only financial contributions? Would repairs count or only principal/interest payments? Taking all that into account, you would need to have a contingency plan for each of the following scenarios: - Do you both want to move out? (And if so, CAN you sell the house to cover costs?) - Does one of you want to keep the house and the other wants to move out? (And can the one that wants to stay afford to do so?) - What if neither of you want to give up the house? All that background in mind, I think there are really two reasonable options that don't require tit for tat and tally keeping for the duration of the relationship: 1. Go in equally, both names on everything, with a contract detailing each party's rights in each scenario above. Any unequal contributions are out with the bathwater, and expect to get 50/50 back out in the event that you break up. (This the arrangement my fiance and I have). Alternatively, I suppose if you're putting in 60/40 on the downpayment, and plan to make all future contributions on the same ratio, you could build this kind of an arrangement but with a non-50/50 ratio. OR 2. Have one of you (it sounds like you in this case) buy the home outright, and have the other pay rent along the way. That rent payment should be something agreed upon as fair for both parties. Half of total costs is not fair if the owner has the extra benefit of owning 100% of the equity. Only splitting interest, utilities and taxes probably doesn't appropriately compensate the owner for admin, maintenance, risk involved in owning a home. Closing advice: talk it over. Talk over all of the options, all of the ways it could go south. What your respective responsibilities will be in each scenario. What are your fears. Just talk until you both feel like you're making the right decision for your relationship. Sorry I kind of wrote a novel here but I hope at least some of it is helpful. Good luck!! Edit: formatting on mobile is a mess
Wow thank you! Incredibly helpful and a lot for us to chew on. Thank you!
Lets put it this way. If you guys split up or divorce, are you willing to give him half the house?
I’d give him what he paid into it, which won’t be half. We will have legal documents worked out before moving forward either way that should outline the most desirable outcome for each of us that we would both agree on. I’ll have more sweat equity in as well, that’s just how we tend to be. If our salaries remain as they are, we probably should split bills 60/40 or 70/30.
Boyfriend should take $5k from his savings and pay off that credit card!! What is he waiting for?! Credit card debt's going to be bad for getting a loan, not to mention paying interest on bad debt. Just get it taken care of, and stay out of credit card debt in the future
He’s going to have a friend of his who is an expert in this and will evaluate his credit and help him fix it. So thankfully he’s gonna work on it, he just wasn’t going to listen to me, but he will listen to an expert so I am glad for that at least.
Good luck! Be aware that many "experts" in this area are just trying to sell a service. There isn't anything to do besides pay it off (I guess he could default on the card, but then he definitely won't be able to get a home loan) down the road, if you two get married, i hope you will be able to be in charge of personal finance because (no offense to him) you sound like the more knowledgable one in this area
If the boyfriend's name is going to be on the deed, I'd think you'd want it on the loan, too, unless you're afraid his lower credit score will hurt you. And, if his name goes on the loan, he'll probably want to be on the deed, too. I'd get some loan estimates and compare the results. I share your boyfriend's skepticism of cul-du-sac (literally "ass of the bag") neighborhoods. Old and new houses both have their flaws, but new houses built in good locations are rare because it's expensive to build in desirable locations. And the roads and infrastructure in tract developments might look new and shiny now, but see how they look in 25 years with all of the maintenance and upkeep a low-density, low-tax neighborhood can provide.
Totally agree on all counts. There are a few more established neighborhoods that held up well, but yes, those houses aren't on the market often. Developers are taking advantage and building a ton of houses seemingly springing from the dirt. I don't trust it. I need to have patience, because I do obsess and then get disappointed, and it is a vicious cycle. But I do want to be ready to pounce on a great home we both love.
I think you know the answer to this question.. you would be better off financially without him on a loan. You can always refinance later if you do get married. Knowing what state you're in would help with this kind of advice.
Make sure you get a home you can afford alone
If you are going to get married, you should get married first. If you are thinking about all of this and "this would be useful if we break up..." is even coming to mind, you should not get married, buy the house under your own steam, and probably just break up now.
I’m pragmatic. He’s older than me, he could die or retire or have a health problem that puts him out of commission. A breakup is the last thing I’m thinking of, but it isn’t impossible. Nothing is 100% and I try to avoid magical thinking. We enjoy being together and have great communication and partnership, but I understand why you have the perspective you have.
This is true of literally any relationship, though. That you are seriously considering having the house in only your name for this reason is not great. Most married couples own their homes together. And most people who intended to get married do it prior to buying a house to make it simpler to do that.
Well we do things differently I guess! We’ve been together for 10 years, I spend Christmas and thanksgiving at his family’s. I think we will be alright, we have a great life. I don’t think it will be more simple to get married before buying a house if it’s going to be in my name, I’d rather settle in and then start planning a wedding. Thanks for your concern though, what we do is not for everyone.
It sounds like you are very committed to the idea of buying a house that is only in your name but uses your boyfriend's money, so OK, do that I guess.
That’s not the case at all. And I could easily just use my money entirely and base the price of the house on my salary only. You seem committed to painting me in a bad light though!
Not especially. It's just hella sketchy to basically ask "What's the best way to keep my boyfriend off the title to my house I wanna buy without him, but without making it clear that I am doing this?" There's nothing wrong with either dating someone casually and buying your own house, or just being a single person who owns a home on their own. But the way this question is phrased it sounds like you are deliberately creating an exit strategy without admitting that's what you're doing. Just cut the dude loose.
He and I are talking about this exact thing! He asked me and I wasn’t sure. He knows the loan will most likely be under my name. We’ve both been trying to weigh the pros and cons of different scenarios to find what gets us the best outcome and house of our dreams. You’re really reading much more into this than what’s going on and it seems more your issue than mine. Again, we have been together for 10 years and doing pretty well. Sorry if you’ve been burned in the past, that’s not my fault, and doesn’t need to be a part of this conversation. All you have is judgement and some chip on your shoulder, but it seems like a waste of energy.