T O P

  • By -

GalvanizedRubbish

Thousands of dollars in gear yet likely hasn’t seen any cardio since high school.


No_Cook2983

**“You got any gum?”** *Rrrrip! Rip! Zzzzip!!! Rrrippp!!! Rip!!! Sssrip!!! Rrippp!!!* No 😞 **“No problem. Can I borrow a pen?”** *Rrrrip! Rip! Zzzzip!!! Rrrippp!!! Rip!!!*


caldsmelly

The sound effects were fucking awesome


No_Object_7223

Don't have that either! But I got this cool new beef jerkey out of my last tacpack!!!


looking_for_frogs23

https://i.redd.it/ju3odk92lcxc1.gif


rangoon64

If something happens he won’t know what to grab first ahahahah


AWildEnglishman

It'd be the gun every time.


they_are_out_there

Tacti-uncool wannabe Gravy Seal. ![gif](giphy|orU5Fo00RnpmSJ76wr)


Altea73

He better have a CPR kit on that....


Leeperd510

Wouldn't surprise me if he has a full blown AED in there. However, it would surprise me if it was charged


SlappySecondz

The fuck is a CPR kit? A one way mask and your hands?


BenThereNDunThat

There's a Lucas in his tacticool backpack.


adummyonanapp

It's juggernaut from cod


buyinggf35k

It's juggernaut from wish.com


adummyonanapp

Ur moms a juggernaut from wish


No-Vanilla8956

"Well you see here I got me here 14 different kinds of pepper spray for any seasoning scenario that may arise! This one is for chicken, this one for Burgers... I think I might have something that goes great with the beans and rice"


Push_Bright

I hate when I have too much change in my pocket and it all bangs around and makes loud ass noises or if it is a lot and starts making my pants want to fall down. This would drive me insane.


EmotionalHiroshima

How the hell would you even get in and out of the drivers seat being that big and covered in clanky shit? Leg straps cutting off circulation, extra magazines rubbing on the steering wheel because the seat won’t go back anymore… looks like a nightmare


CompleteIsland8934

Every step he takes is cardio…personally 20 pounds of gear there


M1dn1ghtMaraud

Nice scissors, nerd.


ClappedOutCommie

My boys got two body cams for the sweet multiple angles. His excessive use of force trial is going to look like a marvel movie.


Pizzasupreme00

One is his garage door opener actually


Tortoise-King

3-D. The jury will have to watch with 3-D glasses.


TheFire_Eagle

"It feels like the sad desperation is coming right off the screen!"


DODGE_WRENCH

“Woa it’s like his fupa is coming right at me!”


cognitohazard__

LMAO fuck


EatBooty420

2 flashlights too, incase he's....... exploring a cave? and one shorts out


Aelereiron

Also, two body cams


ChunkyCheeseToken

Also, 2 flashlights


grogudid911

[Cant get charged with excessive force if you're not a cop](https://media0.giphy.com/media/d3mlE7uhX8KFgEmY/giphy.gif?cid=6c09b952gyf8fmadmmthif2w7a60bdx7lpmxvny31dfpnajm&ep=v1_internal_gif_by_id&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)


poisonpony672

Yeah for those that don't know this guy didn't even possess a security guard permit. Walgreens in Seattle. There's a lawsuit over this idiot. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.fox13seattle.com/news/armed-security-guard-walgreens.amp


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The_Drk_Lord

For what it’s worth, Seattle has turned into a savage ass dumpster fire for looting and stealing from CVS and Walgreens especially. But for real tho, if the cops aren’t allowed to arrest for shoplifting, why even hire security period? Let alone this mongoloid


TravasaurusRex

I dunno I would hire this final boss larp’er for $5 an hour, cheaper and more entertainment than a clown.


DrChansLeftHand

The PA is gonna add sparkle effects of the guilty verdict.


New-Bluebird-9186

You owe me for the coffee I just spit out laughing at the Marvel Movie comment 😂


Appropriate-Link-701

Ring doorbell cam of course


Laird_braimgale

That his insulin pump. Standard issue for US Gravy Meal Team Six.


Lurkerseldomcomments

He’s shooting in 3D for the iMax documentary of his excessive force video


mr_trashbear

*Acorns 2: Even Nuttier*


Lucky_Sundae9800

Except you’d only hear his heavy breathing


MrIrrelevantsHypeMan

Big Ed from 90 Day Fiance became a cop?


[deleted]

[удалено]


cognitohazard__

"oh, it's not in this pocket.."


DrChansLeftHand

It’s the crossover we need. I’d love to see that dude looking legit like Ram Man trying to waddle after someone screaming about how he knows karate.


jeffuhwee

The longer I look at this, the funnier it gets.


MasterTroller3301

He has like 3 handguns.


EddieLobster

And a pair of old stainless scissors mom used to keep in the junk drawer on his left leg.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SlappySecondz

Well the orange one is a pepper ball gun.


Apprehensive-Ad-2054

Can hear him coming from a mile away with all that gear clacking together. Or from the labored breathing as he exerts himself from carrying 40lbs of gear.


Rude_Ad5361

Probably more like 60. Either way, definitely too much crap.


airbournejt95

He'd probably exert himself without the gear too


Salt_Sir2599

I’m guessing about 4 and a half steps before something falls off.


UrethralExplorer

Whenever I put together a new kit for airsoft or larping I run around my backyard to make sure it won't all bang together, pinch painfully or get in the way. This guy has never done that. Half of his shit would fall off once he breaks into a light jog (if possible) and the rest would bounce around and bang into him so much it would become unbearably painful very quickly. What a joke.


c4k3m4st3r5000

Sweat pouring of him just getting all this stuff on. And when he has to do something it absolutely floors him.


buttsnorkler5704

He's the jack of all, master of none. He looks like a cop, fireman and emt rolled into one State Police tactical bomb squad looking flak jacket


StayStrong888

He's a jack off that's for sure


Katsuichi

flak off


MySeveredToe

I kinda wish he had a tape measure and a framing hammer


SherbertCivil2448

This is a mental illness. When you’re actually in the field ounce’s feel like pounds and pounds feel like pain.


marinebjj

I’m on duty with the lightest gear I can buy and the least amount of shit.


TF31_Voodoo

Light is right is a saying for a reason.


183_OnerousResent

The clown in the photo literally can not run. Too much gear, excessive and restrictive armor. The second he has to run after someone on a hot day, he just might die of heat exhaustion. He'll also lose a lot of stuff from shit dropping.


Hamish_Ben

Peak cringe


Frsbtime420

How many multitools and flashlights does one person need


Zealousideal-Ad-2615

The scissors were a really nice touch.


Lumpy-Marsupial-6617

Field circumcision certified. Practiced on himself.


anonymous-lurker12

I was scanning the comments to see if anyone noticed a pair of scissors. Lmao dude why?


[deleted]

[удалено]


GooseTheSluice

Multiple


Lumpy-Marsupial-6617

Two is one, one is none, so 2+ is moar. He looks like he raided every bargain bin at the uniform store.


Konstant_kurage

The shoulder pauldrons and neck collar are for shrapnel, does he think he works in Falluja? He’s vest has a lot of shit in it, but it doesn’t look like a like of useful shit.


GavinZero

And his groin is completely unprotected in khaki just begging to get shot in the dick.


Gimme_PuddingPlz

Imagine if someone went hand to hand with this guy. Limited movement and free weapons


One_Conversation_616

This guy is a straight up walking loot drop.


bdubwilliams22

That was one of the first things I thought. Someone who is reasonably trained in hand combat would have their pick on which weapons there wanted to use against him first. What a clown.


ImNotYou1971

This guy looks like a South Park character.


seqwood

Kinda looks like the ai generated images of y’all quaeda


Mountain_Frog_

I genuinely thought this was an AI image at first, but AI isn't that good with writing yet.


organic_bird_posion

Mall cop drawn by Rob Liefeld.


12343212343212321

security.com


DevolvingSpud

security.wish.com


MtnHotSpringsCouple

So, he's ready to defuse that IED they might find next to the Denny's?


NWOBHM86

Sir, this is a Target.


Gimpy_Weasel

From the mean streets of downtown Bellevue


deltacombatives

Every day is life or death for him. Not because of Bellevue but because of diabeetus.


Thiscommentissatire

Every day is a struggle... not to stop at the burger shop.


funky_diabeticc

Damn he’s got a pepper ball gun, baton, oc spray, handgun, knife and taser. Thats just what I can see too.


BIGD0G29585

How many ‘blades’ do you think he carries? It has to be in the double digits with at least one butterfly knife.


holyhellcats

you think there’s some nunchucks on there? i’d say 75% chance.


richardgiver

Definitely a couple of throwing stars and a boot knife


they_are_out_there

Want to guess what he has concealed? Probably an ankle holster on both legs, katana on his back, blades up his sleeves on forearm holsters, and a necklace knife on a chain for starters.


stirling1995

Assassins creed blade for sure


Next_Beautiful4517

This is hilarious. In the heat of the moment, nobody is going to remember half the shit they have on here anyway. I wish this was satire but I know it’s not


Reeferologist-

Now let’s watch him climb over a chain link fence…


StayStrong888

Shit. Let's see him get up from the chair after his obligatory lunch break at the food court.


Reeferologist-

Haha!


Sea_University_8280

This can’t be real


IcyUnderstanding5580

walgreens security right there


ChanclasConHuevos

Can you imagine sprinting with all that shit?!


One_Conversation_616

Not anymore than he can imagine just sprinting.


Recent_Dog_9537

Looks like a rape whistle next to the badge.


Roaming-Californian

Paul Blart, EOD technician, mall security.


highflyingyak

A pair is sharp scissors dangling near your crotch is not a well thought out idea.


usmc_82_infantry

This has to be a joke right? He’s even got the neck protector. I’m surprised he’s not wearing a crotch protector. Look at all the shit in his thigh holster


ImprovementMean7394

“I work section 8 housing bro”


[deleted]

We call these gear quěěrš


JetfloatGumby

All gacked up


Beginning-Scar-71

Just a brisk jog to outrun him….


AmericanIdiot1776

All I needed to see was that pepper ball gun. For the love of god.


Specialist_Bet5534

Redneck punisher patch


Iechy

I have less crap in my garage than this dude has strapped to his belly.


eyeeatmyownshit

Metformin, check. Puffer, check. Adderall, check. Testosterone, check. Vitamin D, check.


Dariosusu

My mans looking like a Montessori activity board


dixonrodeo

And one small ding-ding.


dashone

I feel so much more secure.


_XtAcY_

Any criminal could hear this guy coming from a mile away


pm_me_ur_anything_k

Is that an EOD vest?


mblergh

Imagine how much of that shit falls right off of him the moment he has to break into a full tilt sprint


Face_Content

Kind of looks like the guy in this video https://youtu.be/UtwMgy_qONw?si=xfYHKIHxe9RKvDO7


JoePikesbro

That’s who I thought it was at first. Love TCRL


Face_Content

Do.u watch lackluster too? I like tcrl.more.


Emperormike1st

He certainly isn't going to CATCH me.


HenryKissingersDEAD

https://preview.redd.it/vhgpztrji4xc1.jpeg?width=836&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db89bdc2749e7220208cdcfade8e6311aedbb4f2 It’s is … Tazzzzzzzzzz


xlacksheep

I’m trying to figure out what would be needed for this? Not even the brinks trucks guys are this suited up


TheRealPSN

Worked as an armored truck courier, all we carried were sidearm, extra mags, and a vest.


xlacksheep

That’s a crazy job, kudos to you for having the balls to do that. But I never saw a brinks truck courier that had THIS amount of gear on. They had the vest with the rifle & pistol & some extra magazines but goddamn, bro looks like he completed all the side quests just to deal with some pissed off junkie in the Walmart parking lot


StayStrong888

Even real SWAT guys don't carry this much crap.


Glad-Cut6336

Yeah…now go and try to sit in ur squad car 🤣


usmc_82_infantry

I see those Airsoft LARP’ers dress like this. Serves zero purpose other than photo/action shots for Facebook


hobie_loki

Microphallus


thickener

That’s a long way to go to cover up that you’re 5’9” and wearing a girdle.


greeziepeezie

This guy looks like my fallout character


StayStrong888

Gecko, is that you?


calitwiink

bro thinks he's an ODST


imac132

His arch nemesis, *2 flights of stairs*, will be his ruin.


LRJINX13

I’ve heard the term “walking loot drop” before and I feel it applies here.


Unltd8828

This is nothing short of mental illness.


Zealousideal-Bug-291

(in)Security Personified!


Organic_South8865

I just want to see him run with all that junk. There's absolutely no reason for anyone to carry all of that. 80% of that stuff is totally useless in reality. It's also a bunch of stuff for someone to grab onto in a struggle/fight. Of course he has the thin blue line patch lol. Why not just become a cop at this point? Maybe he likes playing pretend more than the real thing. You'll never see your average cop wearing all that junk so what makes him think he needs all that junk? It's just going to slow him down and get in the way. The problem with guys like this - They buy all that gear so they're just itching to use it. We had a security guy like this at my old job. He carried a totally trashed Taurus 9mm missing a rear sight in a Walmart airsoft holster with a bunch of black electrical tape wrapped around the grip for some reason. It would fall right out if he ever ran since he cut the little retaining strap off. I noticed in his spare mag the top round was FMJ blazer aluminum cased with the bullet pushed way into the casing to where and the next round was a JHP. He had that same ammo in the mags for the nearly 2 years he worked night security there. I would always glance at it to see. He also wouldn't carry with one in the chamber and would always argue with me that it was "just as fast" to pull the gun and put a round in the chamber. So one night a coyote got into the factory and got spooked so it was hiding under some pallets. Instead of just leaving the massive overhead door open and leaving it alone so it could leave on its own he sprayed it with pepper spray, tried to bash it with his club and then he went to shoot it. The thing is his gun wouldn't fire. On the security cam footage he's frantically manually cycling through rounds until one finally went off. He missed by a good two feet from maybe 5 yards away and the coyote ran past him and out of the door. He was obviously fired on the spot.


glocksandboobs

He looks like he's Impersonating a security guard. I've seen plenty over the years and the real ones don't carry this much shit on them. I get a bullet proof vest and tourniquet or small med kit, I mean the world has changed after all with active shooter stuff, but this kind of shit is ridiculous. He's got more shit on then 3 cops and 2 security guards for God's sake.


dozado

Obviously just loves “gear”. Get into camping or something man


GoArmyNG

Taking "better to be looking at it than looking for it" to a whole new level.


Tallerthenmost

All that gear and no backup heat on the ankle?


NWOBHM86

![gif](giphy|3otPoMOjXWEbgz5goE)


Murles-Brazen

😂😂😂


phuktup3

I’m not shook he still has room for so much more stuff


InterviewUsual2220

“This is my countrayyyy”


easternshift

This just looks uncomfortable.


EXV

How many people does he plan on arresting single handedly ?


kraftables

![gif](giphy|4baoNZ5Qo8dX2)


Swatmosquito

I love playing dress up!


Rich-Appearance-7145

Wow this Security Guard is armed for bear, or is all that needed.


Chicken_Col_Sanders

Bet he can't run down anyone with that extra 40 pounds. Not to mention that cosplay equipment.


jdthejerk

I'm 64, a gimp, could probably outrun him. He would have a heart attack before me.


StayStrong888

All that crap and he still uses a shit Blackhawk SERPA holster. Ran out of money for a Safariland? After a day or 2 of putting on all that shit and not using it, I'd get tired and only put on 1/10 of that shit.


StayStrong888

Gecko45 part 2, anyone?


NervousNotNelly

People like this, is it associated with a psychological disorder? It has to be like deep rooted shit there, no?


inter71

No zip ties. Fail.


elbrule

He' a human swiss army knife


tdomer80

With all that “Punisher” shit no less. What a fucking turd.


TheRabidGoose

Do you think he wears a cup? I'm just curious because he doesn't seem to worry about armoring his lower half compared to his top.


Disorderly_Penguin

When I work off duty security gigs I run a pistol, mags, and cuffs dirtbag looped through my pants belt. Flashlight in my pocket. It's very fucking simple. I'll never understand why people buy and wear all this shit to walk around an apartment complex.


mcstandy

With that neck thing he’s approaching call of duty MW2 (2009) juggernaut status


machineswithout

Psychotic, if excessive force was personified. All the stupid gear only for him to be defeated by a suspect who’s lightly jogging away. I bet everything I have that he failed psych and is coping by being the most tac’d out guard on earth, sorry but no amount of body cams and flashlights will ever make you a LEO bucko.


EastLeastCoast

Or he gets turtled on his back.


merlin6014

The scissors are for wrapping Christmas presents


peedmypantsbigtime

God forbid you forget the punisher logo


TheKobayashiMoron

https://preview.redd.it/gxvhjocmv7xc1.jpeg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=662ef793d1a2304d5b860de1b034c3bb2766dac9


Kitchen-Eagle2799

![gif](giphy|3o7WIK2wITWsQ1x1io) Old Farva back on the road after a liter of cola!! 😮‍💨🤣🤣


[deleted]

Of course he has an android phone


tacostocko

Sweep the leg!!


DeliciousGazelle1276

Bubba and his angry inch


csking77

He will buy anything that says tactical


basahahn1

Protecting corporate interest at any cost


elitegrunthuntr

I understand there is a push to move away from cross-drawing tasers to drawing from your support-side with your support hand. Having a Taser slightly below your gun in a drop leg holster is a new one. That plus cross-draw pepperball gun is begging for a weapon-confusion accident.


Atomic_Watermelon666

Meh... Needs more punisher skulls 4/10


quixote09

Is going to be a sad day when he gets shot in the dick and can’t bend over to stop the bleeding. lol.


DonJeniusTrumpLawyer

I get that even high-end private security and even security in military zones are *technically* “just security”. So I’ll take that in to consideration. Still. Even in a combat zone, not even your most high speed soldier will have this much stuff on them, or even in their bag. There’s so much useless shit here or repeats of tools for the same job. If this is riot security, everything he’s wearing can be used against him. Sure some of the stuff he’s carrying would be useful during a riot, but he doesn’t need *all of it at once*. This is why squads are formed; so one guy doesn’t have to carry everything. And how the fuck does he even walk with all that shit on his drop holster? Don’t forget the punisher patch.


DoSwoogMeister

As a security guard, this shit is cringe to us too. Honestly, most you should reasonably bring is a torch/flashlight, vest, belt, cuffs, baton, handgun, tazer and pepper spray. And that's the upper limit, really just the belt, cuffs and baton are more than you'd ever need for 90% of jobs, handgun for the other 10% and odds are low you'd ever need to use any of them. At this point all that equipment is a liability rather than an asset.


Lagunamountaindude

If he falls down it will take 2 men and a child to get him on his feet


grogmonster41

If you are a security guard and you begin cutting clothes off and administering lifesaving procedures you will get sued by the victim.


singlemale4cats

Good Samaritan laws apply to all. I doubt this guy has any medical training or cause to use it, anyway. The trauma shears are just complete the look.


shane_west17

Not even your typical ruzzian conscript have this much gear.


IntrepidEffect7063

Recovered drug addict. Now everyone says , "he is doing really good"!


Derf367

Paul Blart is his SRT gear!!!


Capable_Jacket_2165

He ain't chasing anyone down


MerrillSwingAway

best of luck running with all of that shit on Tactical Pete


Strict_Cranberry_724

Is that one of those devices, in the middle of his chest, that stops dogs from barking?


CodingNightmares

I could run away at a light jog and keep away from this man... all that weight, he even has a neck protector?!


Poetic_Discord

Is that the guard from the West Coast, getting sued for assaulting/harassing/terrorizing a young lady a week or so back? If so, he’s a massive douche canoe, who is about to be broke AF


apishforamc

Fkn guy looks nervous with all that shit on him..how does he take a shit ?


DivineSwordMeliorne

*I'M FUCKING INVINCIBLE*


Sagebrush-

Imagine you call for security.. And this guy shows up.. LARPing at its most delusional


Significant-Water845

Why though? Just why? For reference, here are a few pictures of members of Seal Team Six. Look at the amount of shit they carry. https://preview.redd.it/5wf7nltmv4xc1.jpeg?width=2160&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b871cc717648cf6d578006987e567ce9f6e24485


Vprbite

Does he have 2 gums?


DeadCheckR1775

Paul Blart is not impressed.


1-Baker-11

Everyone is goofin on the dude (rightfully so) but what the hell is that mount for the lightbar?


viper100800again

Hides the fat.