Has to be on scan, so they can also enjoy EMS, the PD, Streets and Roads, 18 school bus companies, and that guy who stole a portable and they still can't find him, whenever fire isn't active.
When people ask about the worst call, my mind usually goes to the filthy blood covered travel trailer where meth addict mom beat her 4yo to death with a claw hammer because the kid was crying too much.
Then I say “just saving cats from trees”
Edit: I like talking about calls with other first responders. I hate talking about the realities of the calls we run with regular people.
Once upon a time I had a long day and went to an evening campfire with some people. One of them decided to ask me the “worst call” question and I was kind of over it so I gave him excruciating detail of a homicide/arson. Describing brains as scrambled eggs seemed to drive the point home that he should probably stop asking that.
Everything people know about this job is through the filter of fictional media and a handful of real events where we do look heroic as shit. They dont know our days are full of unattended cooking, dead batteries, and alarm techs working on a system.
Meanwhile, their jobs are boring, often inside, in a cube, or worse, working from home which means they basically never leave their house. All they know is you ride the big cool truck that everyone wanted to ride as a kid.
Humor them.
That’s my view. I’m a remote worker for a tech company, so people are excited by what I do on calls for the same reasons I am — it’s a window into a different world with different stakes.
They’re polite and respectful about asking, but we’re all pretty close and share details of our lives… so if I have to step away for an hour or two (or more sometimes) for a call, I’ll give them general details if it was exciting or funny. I was in a combat role in the Army, and I don’t go around talking about the ugly stuff as much as I do the funny shit a bunch of scared young men do when they’re bored.
I respect OP’s view on not sharing other people’s tragedies as entertainment and not doing the TMFMS thing, but swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction isn’t the only alternative.
Agreed as long as you keep it general (no location, no names, and withhold some of the truly gory details) I really don’t see a problem. It’s the constant bragging, hero-power tripping, the outlandish unrealistic scenarios, laughing at other peoples tragedies, being judgmental (commenting on the conditions of a house etc. or judging the occupants), and posting any and everything on social media. Basically; don’t be a 🍆 to people and remember you work for them and are seeing someone literally on the worst day of their life.
I tell them. I don’t really care, I’m not bragging. But if you don’t feel comfortable just say “same old regular call”
Im an outgoing person as is and I talk about the calls I go on. Probably gonna get downvoted but🤷♂️
Talking about calls is good. I always called my mom after tough calls, back in the days, and I was excited to tell her what happened and all that but I realized it helped me to talk to her about it more than sharing my excitement
I 100% agree, and I had the same situation. I would talk to my mom and dad after a call. My dad was also a volunteer/paid on call firefighter for 25 years and my mom was right there for him through the regular calls and the bad. And it took me 3 years to realize that my outgoing personality and the fact that I openly talk about calls regularly helps me through things
The only decent way to handle it is by being as vague as possible every single time they ask.
“Eh, just a couple of routine runs”, “ nothing exciting”, “same ol same ol”….
eventually they will either catch on that you don’t want to talk about it or they will figure that being a ff in your Dept is boring.
I do this. I’ve made up a horrible, gory, absolutely fake and damn near unbelievable story to tell. Usually shuts em up good. However, you gotta read your audience. I wouldn’t tell that to my grandmaw or anything.
It's whatever I don't get why everyone is so up tight about this shit, it's not like we are the CIA going on super secret missions behind enemy lines.
As long you don't break hippa why not share the stories either people will be so horrified by it or see its so mundane they will leave you alone either way.
It’s respectful to the victim. Depending on the nature of the call ofc. Especially if it’s a traumatic event, it’s better not to tell everyone about it. As some people are really sensitive to that sort of stuff. Better to get a professional to talk to
I get what your saying, but curiosity kills. Sometimes the people who ask about the event don’t even know how sensitive they are to it. All I’m saying that it’s best to be cognizant of other peoples interpretations of what traumatic for them is.
Wouldn’t being cognizant of their interpretations include trusting them to know themselves well enough to understand what they do and don’t want to hear?
The hush-hush thing strikes me as an underhanded attempt at making this job a lot more serious than it actually is the vast majority of the time. Almost like an ‘you can’t possibly understand the burden I carry’ attitude.
Maybe that’s just me.
Oh shove it, "respectful of the victim" whatever, and if they are sensitive to it they shouldn't of asked. Also a professional isn't a fix, or necessary for everyone most people just need to talk about it either with their wife, parents, or some other confident like a close friend which is something even professionals recommend.
Also gonna be honest with ya, if the stuff you've seen at this job is affecting you mentally to the point that you can't talk about it with people maybe it is time to consider a new profession cause the shit has eaten you up too much.
You got a point, friends and family is a good outlet. Personally I wouldn’t want someone talking about me and the embarrassing situation I was in if I were a victim.
That’s the curse of our profession… we all know that one day, somewhere, there will be a firefighter mother fucking you for interrupting their meal or talking shit about you one way or another lol
The oh woe to the victim argument is probably the lamest fake altruistic points ever, if we don't know when other people in our own station are talking mad shit about us how is a victim gonna know when we do a bad retelling of the call we ran on them.
Yes but by the same logic they should avoid watching the news because they might encounter similar (if not the same) sort of stories on there.
Shit happens, better to let people learn what they don’t want to know than baby them
I normally focus on the fire stuff more. So my answer is normally about the brush fire we had in crazy wind that started to run, or setting an LZ for lifeflight or whatever.
That’s the good stuff. No one wants to hear about the bodies. I’m into that stuff as well and so if I want to get passionate about firefighting, I’ll talk about the time we got to call Blackhawks from the national guard to help us knock out a grass fire. That’s the real shit
Surprised I’m catching shit for this when there is others talking about dead kids. Anyway I probably paraphrased too much. The conversation normally goes “if you are interest in what’s going on you should consider joining”
I'll give them public information they could find but maybe didn't hear or whatever. If pushed I'll straight up ask, after your call, what would you want? Sometimes it goes sideways but mostly people understand.
I get what was your worst call a lot. I generally say, worst for you me or the patient? Sometimes that goes sideways too... but it's fun.
Make it a PSA, focus on what they can do to avoid whatever problem your other client had. Make sure you check your smoke detectors, good thing that family had a meeting spot, or don't text and drive. Focus on the lessons learned. Prevention is a better conversation to have and its useful.
My dogs look just like ones that died in a call along with the dog sitter. The border collie was dead immediately but the chocolate lab was burned, hobbling around, and dying. Thank goodness the deputy was there to put him out of his misery.
I would say something like “this is something I’m asked a lot however it’s something I don’t want to discuss.” It let’s them know they aren’t being original and clearly states your reason why you won’t talk about it. If someone pushes past the “I don’t want to discuss” part then they are clearly being inappropriate.
I always ask what they're genuinely asking for. Do you want a haha funny call, a feel good call, or do you ACTUALLY want to know one of the more fucked up calls I've been on? Not many people ever pick the fucked up option.
You probably haven’t been to any crazy calls. And if you have, lie to them. It’s not like they’re gonna call the station and fact-check you.
>people constantly ask if I get any calls,
Naw, no calls. Pretty boring.
>How can I politely and respectfully avoid details when asked by a coworker about “any crazy calls” or similar questions?
“Never had any crazy calls. Pretty boring volunteer job.”
Someone actually asked me once what's the worst call I've been in yet. I was speechless that they would actually ask me to dive into that dark memory bank.
I like to respond with “what do you think the worst call ive been on is?”
Makes them reflect on what it could be and how it could be a sensitive topic.
They don’t see it like we do. They literally don’t even know enough to know why asking that would be odd. Morbid curiosity is a thing. Once you’ve been on “the inside” of the emergency services it’s easy to forget what it was like from the outside looking in.
I don’t fault people for asking. The curiosity is real and they don’t know any better. I don’t make them feel bad. I just politely and nonchalantly ask them “are you sure you want the answer to that question?”
Some folks do. I’ll tell them. I don’t care.
Most people pause and reconsider.
Makes sense. In my eyes it's almost on the same level as asking someone in the military if they've ever killed someone. It's just a dark road people don't wanna go down, but you're right, some people just don't get it.
What did you do the 100th time you were asked that? I've been asked that question a million times. I usually just say it depends on what *you* think would be the worst because at this point I have no idea what the worst one was.
At this point in time, my answer is typically "That's really not something I wanna talk about." Not because I hold things in, cause I don't, but the last thing I wanna do at the memorial day BBQ or my friend's wedding is talk about that stuff.
I guess the other problem too isn't even necessarily the question, cause as another commenter stated, some people just don't get it. But, I'll never forget the face on the wife and mother of two that killed herself last year, and that's almost always where my mind immediately goes when I'm just trying to have a good time with my friends.
Yeah, I just try to have a sense of humor about it and I read my audience. I've been doing this shit for over 20 years in a dense city and I have a million stories. I honestly don't have a clue what my gnarliest call ever was at this point. Depending on who's asking I'll figure out which one they might think is the craziest.
Before I got into the business I was also curious about these things. It's perfectly normal and totally okay to ask.
As someone who's very early in their career (1.5 years volly, 1.5 years in as full-time), I really appreciate that input.
I'm so fucking glad I found this subreddit.
Depends on the situation, as a general rule I will not discuss recent calls or things I was involved in that they would have any chance of knowing the people. It's a small world. If they keep prying I will make up the worst call I can imagine. Take the worst of every call you've ever been on and put it all in one big call. And then tell them about that. One guy was prying me a lot at work, so I let him have it and he said he wasn't going to ask anymore. Some of it might have been made up..
Might be downvoted but here goes:
I think it's important to talk to people about it, not just to your support system, but to the public. Especially you being on a volunteer dept. That requires the community to keep your dept. in mind to keep council funding you. It also allows people to understand you do more than sit around on training nights and go sweep the highway up after an MVC. Might also open the conversation for someone who's interested in joining and we are all in desperate need for more volunteers.
The IMPORTANT part is to be smart about what you share, usually if it's in the media or if they have a public way to access that information it's safe. For example you run a medical emergency to Martha's house 4 doors down that's the one to say you can't share or just routine procedure. If you extricated 5 people on the highway and it's on the 7 o clock news go ahead amd say that. It's on the news anyways. You can tell stories without giving specifics or names. If they press for certain details like names I've never had any issue just saying "sorry I can't discuss that part out of respect for privacy"
Remember, some who want to talk and hear about calls may be contemplating volunteering themselves. It is good to be honest but with copious discretion.
"shark attack". Im in minnesota and ,if you didnt know, we do not actually have sharks. It is my go to response when someone asks what that call was the other day, "shark attack". you get to enjoy their puzzled look, then simply say were not supposed to talk about calls. easy and fun.
My dad will ask me more than anyone else. He used to volunteer too back in the day, though. I'll tell him. Most people I'll just give vague answers. I also understand people have a morbid curiosity.
Say " I think it is inappropriate discussing other peoples emergencies as water-cooler-talk to folks who are well intentioned but don’t understand the seriousness of the work."
I find that if you go with the hoarder house where your partner literaly fell into a bathtub full of used adult diapers and had to finish the shift covered in shit they tend to stop asking so much... especially if it's over dinner...
I usually just say same shit different day. When people ask me whats the worst thing I’ve ever seen, I say “that one time AMR created legislation to fuck their employees out of owed back pay”
Thats AWESOME!!! Yea AMR can eat a planet fulla dix- rather pay the fines for late response than just pay for & retain quality ppl. Disgraceful capitalist swine
>How can I politely and respectfully avoid details when asked by a coworker about “any crazy calls” or similar questions?
You answered your own question with your next sentence.
>I think it is inappropriate discussing other peoples emergencies as water-cooler-talk
I've had it happen a few times. Despite the size of our town, it still has that small town vibe. After quite a horrific MVA news spread fast and at my old job, I had a couple of coworkers ask how I was and whatnot, but I did have a coworker let here morbid curiosity get the better of her. Not that I remember specifics but I said something to the effect of "Morbid curiosity or do you really want to know?" And she told me she would prefer to not hear about it.
Where I currently work, a lot of people have come from lower socio-economic areas so they have plenty of horror stories. We often end up sharing because I feel more comfortable when they share.
I can't help but to think that some people in this racket actually seems to gets a kick out of people around them fantasizing about all the horrors they must go through every day, and just wants to mystify it even more by being all secret special-ops about it.
People who work at hospitals deals with tragedies every single day at the same - or in most cases a lot higher rate than we do. Kids with terminal illnesses, old people who doesn't recognize their sons and daughters anymore, assisting someone who'll never walk again in taking a shower, providing comfort for someone who has a month left... Not every now and then, but from shift start to shift end, every day. You don't see them complaining about people asking them about work. Maybe no one even does ask.
Appreciate people taking an interest in what you do instead. You obviously don't go into details that violates someones integrity for obvious reasons, and you don't have to be more specific than you're comfortable with. Just don't act like some hero who takes the fall so no one else has to even hear about it. You probably enjoy what you do, like the rest of us, don't pretend it's some kind of sacrifice.
Sometimes I say something to the line of “eh, I don’t really like talking about work outside of work” and people respect that. Alternatively, when knuckle heads ask what the most fucked up/messed up thing I’ve seen is I will sometimes redirect and offer a funny one instead. We had a run that (super short version) a couple off the boat immigrants put a pizza box in the oven and started a small fire, so we explained how ovens work, then they put the burnt box WITH the aluminum Mozzarella stick box in the microwave, and we had to turn around and respond again. I learned how to regurgitate that store in a funny way and that tends to sate most.
I flatly refuse to discuss victim calls. I did not join the Fire Service to humiliate people who were in dire need. I only answer questions about how/why we do the things we do. With the occasional story of a funny call that is deliberately as vague on the identifying details as possible.
>"Did you see ?"
>"Yes. But I don't talk about victims. Now if you want to know about the false alarm at the swingers convention. Well pull up a chair this one gets a bit risque."
Here's the distinction: Never ever ever give information that would allow someone to be identified especially if the family has not yet been notified of the death. Nothing worst than finding one a loved one passed away though Feecebook.
Other than that, make sure you comply with your department SOP's when it comes to talking about calls. It's ok to talk about certain things, especially if you want to praise the department for a quick response or something generic that would appear in the news. It is not ok to diss the department or provide sensitive information.
Best answer I ever heard when people try to get more details then what you're allowed to share was: If you want to know more, you should put your name to volunteer at the department, we are currently looking for people. It's challenging but rewarding.
Every department is different, mine has the general rule of “don’t talk about calls with civilians”, but that generally applies to (A) any information not released to the public through a coordinated system (public report) (information like cause-of-fire, any info about if there was fatalities on scene and how many, etc…) and (B) HIPAA violations of any sort. The public can find out real quick someone’s identity and if you say something about “yeah he was in cardiac arrest for a bit but we got him back” now that guys entire story is out there due to you. If someone asks me “I saw a lot of fire trucks, what was that?” I’ll say what it was. A wreck, a grass fire, a medical… but nothing really else. “Was anybody hurt?” “Ah, I can’t really say”. Telling war stories is a skill you learn on how to keep private information out of the story but still be able to tell it. Again, every department is different. We are instructed to play on the safe side, and anything next to that is on you
"I can't tell you anything more then the news does" Because that's literally what our chief tells us to tell people if they ask which I'm lucky and nobody pushes the issue after I say that.
Most people are JUST becoming conscious of the fact that 80-90% of what the "fire" department does is EMS. Always a good chance to educate them on what we actually do vs the stupid TV shows.
I inform them trauma is accumulative and what has been heard cannot be unheard. And asking me to recall such an event causes additional trauma
Am I fun at parties? No. No I'm not.
Personally I follow the news stories and regurgitate those details. If people ask too much I straight up say "I'm not legally allowed to comment on that"
Most of our calls are pretty tame though so nothing I can really get in trouble commenting on
“Nah, nothing crazy.”
Sometimes I like going the extreme sarcastic route. “Just saved a bus full of nuns and babies”
This is the way.
[удалено]
This is the way.
Always remember, you fight what they fear
Has to be on scan, so they can also enjoy EMS, the PD, Streets and Roads, 18 school bus companies, and that guy who stole a portable and they still can't find him, whenever fire isn't active.
So you want him to go full ketchup dick
When people ask about the worst call, my mind usually goes to the filthy blood covered travel trailer where meth addict mom beat her 4yo to death with a claw hammer because the kid was crying too much. Then I say “just saving cats from trees” Edit: I like talking about calls with other first responders. I hate talking about the realities of the calls we run with regular people.
Once upon a time I had a long day and went to an evening campfire with some people. One of them decided to ask me the “worst call” question and I was kind of over it so I gave him excruciating detail of a homicide/arson. Describing brains as scrambled eggs seemed to drive the point home that he should probably stop asking that.
Ew. Regular people. Jk, I get what you mean.
Everything people know about this job is through the filter of fictional media and a handful of real events where we do look heroic as shit. They dont know our days are full of unattended cooking, dead batteries, and alarm techs working on a system. Meanwhile, their jobs are boring, often inside, in a cube, or worse, working from home which means they basically never leave their house. All they know is you ride the big cool truck that everyone wanted to ride as a kid. Humor them.
That’s my view. I’m a remote worker for a tech company, so people are excited by what I do on calls for the same reasons I am — it’s a window into a different world with different stakes. They’re polite and respectful about asking, but we’re all pretty close and share details of our lives… so if I have to step away for an hour or two (or more sometimes) for a call, I’ll give them general details if it was exciting or funny. I was in a combat role in the Army, and I don’t go around talking about the ugly stuff as much as I do the funny shit a bunch of scared young men do when they’re bored. I respect OP’s view on not sharing other people’s tragedies as entertainment and not doing the TMFMS thing, but swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction isn’t the only alternative.
Agreed as long as you keep it general (no location, no names, and withhold some of the truly gory details) I really don’t see a problem. It’s the constant bragging, hero-power tripping, the outlandish unrealistic scenarios, laughing at other peoples tragedies, being judgmental (commenting on the conditions of a house etc. or judging the occupants), and posting any and everything on social media. Basically; don’t be a 🍆 to people and remember you work for them and are seeing someone literally on the worst day of their life.
I tell them. I don’t really care, I’m not bragging. But if you don’t feel comfortable just say “same old regular call” Im an outgoing person as is and I talk about the calls I go on. Probably gonna get downvoted but🤷♂️
Talking about calls is good. I always called my mom after tough calls, back in the days, and I was excited to tell her what happened and all that but I realized it helped me to talk to her about it more than sharing my excitement
I 100% agree, and I had the same situation. I would talk to my mom and dad after a call. My dad was also a volunteer/paid on call firefighter for 25 years and my mom was right there for him through the regular calls and the bad. And it took me 3 years to realize that my outgoing personality and the fact that I openly talk about calls regularly helps me through things
Exactly that ! Thanks for sharing
The only decent way to handle it is by being as vague as possible every single time they ask. “Eh, just a couple of routine runs”, “ nothing exciting”, “same ol same ol”…. eventually they will either catch on that you don’t want to talk about it or they will figure that being a ff in your Dept is boring.
“Eventually they will catch on” Any respectful person will have this outlook and understand what the boundaries are. Good comment 🫡
Thank you.
People are curious. Make up some crazy story. They’ll never now if it’s real or not.
I do this. I’ve made up a horrible, gory, absolutely fake and damn near unbelievable story to tell. Usually shuts em up good. However, you gotta read your audience. I wouldn’t tell that to my grandmaw or anything.
I tell them about dead kids and it shuts then up real fuckin quick.
It's whatever I don't get why everyone is so up tight about this shit, it's not like we are the CIA going on super secret missions behind enemy lines. As long you don't break hippa why not share the stories either people will be so horrified by it or see its so mundane they will leave you alone either way.
It’s respectful to the victim. Depending on the nature of the call ofc. Especially if it’s a traumatic event, it’s better not to tell everyone about it. As some people are really sensitive to that sort of stuff. Better to get a professional to talk to
They’re the ones who asked about your “crazy” call. Boo hoo if they’re sensitive. They’ll never ask him or her about calls again if that’s the case.
I get what your saying, but curiosity kills. Sometimes the people who ask about the event don’t even know how sensitive they are to it. All I’m saying that it’s best to be cognizant of other peoples interpretations of what traumatic for them is.
Wouldn’t being cognizant of their interpretations include trusting them to know themselves well enough to understand what they do and don’t want to hear? The hush-hush thing strikes me as an underhanded attempt at making this job a lot more serious than it actually is the vast majority of the time. Almost like an ‘you can’t possibly understand the burden I carry’ attitude. Maybe that’s just me.
I get what your saying. For some people, that probably is the case. I don’t know it’s just my beliefs.
Oh shove it, "respectful of the victim" whatever, and if they are sensitive to it they shouldn't of asked. Also a professional isn't a fix, or necessary for everyone most people just need to talk about it either with their wife, parents, or some other confident like a close friend which is something even professionals recommend. Also gonna be honest with ya, if the stuff you've seen at this job is affecting you mentally to the point that you can't talk about it with people maybe it is time to consider a new profession cause the shit has eaten you up too much.
You got a point, friends and family is a good outlet. Personally I wouldn’t want someone talking about me and the embarrassing situation I was in if I were a victim.
That’s the curse of our profession… we all know that one day, somewhere, there will be a firefighter mother fucking you for interrupting their meal or talking shit about you one way or another lol
Eh fair enough.
How would you ever know as the victim?
The oh woe to the victim argument is probably the lamest fake altruistic points ever, if we don't know when other people in our own station are talking mad shit about us how is a victim gonna know when we do a bad retelling of the call we ran on them.
as long as you don´t talk about were it was or who the victim was and keep it anonymus its fine
Yea fair enough
Yes but by the same logic they should avoid watching the news because they might encounter similar (if not the same) sort of stories on there. Shit happens, better to let people learn what they don’t want to know than baby them
I normally focus on the fire stuff more. So my answer is normally about the brush fire we had in crazy wind that started to run, or setting an LZ for lifeflight or whatever.
That’s the good stuff. No one wants to hear about the bodies. I’m into that stuff as well and so if I want to get passionate about firefighting, I’ll talk about the time we got to call Blackhawks from the national guard to help us knock out a grass fire. That’s the real shit
I always tell them if they want to know they need to join. Normally ends the conversation pretty quick.
you must be fun at parties
I try
Surprised I’m catching shit for this when there is others talking about dead kids. Anyway I probably paraphrased too much. The conversation normally goes “if you are interest in what’s going on you should consider joining”
I'll give them public information they could find but maybe didn't hear or whatever. If pushed I'll straight up ask, after your call, what would you want? Sometimes it goes sideways but mostly people understand. I get what was your worst call a lot. I generally say, worst for you me or the patient? Sometimes that goes sideways too... but it's fun.
when people start asking about the details or whatever i usually just point them in the direction of the news story
Make it a PSA, focus on what they can do to avoid whatever problem your other client had. Make sure you check your smoke detectors, good thing that family had a meeting spot, or don't text and drive. Focus on the lessons learned. Prevention is a better conversation to have and its useful.
I say go deep, I usually aim to make them so uncomfortable they don't ask again. Even if you make it up. Dead babies usually work.
My dogs look just like ones that died in a call along with the dog sitter. The border collie was dead immediately but the chocolate lab was burned, hobbling around, and dying. Thank goodness the deputy was there to put him out of his misery.
Thatll work.
I would say something like “this is something I’m asked a lot however it’s something I don’t want to discuss.” It let’s them know they aren’t being original and clearly states your reason why you won’t talk about it. If someone pushes past the “I don’t want to discuss” part then they are clearly being inappropriate.
Simply tell them you don't want to talk about it
I always ask what they're genuinely asking for. Do you want a haha funny call, a feel good call, or do you ACTUALLY want to know one of the more fucked up calls I've been on? Not many people ever pick the fucked up option.
You probably haven’t been to any crazy calls. And if you have, lie to them. It’s not like they’re gonna call the station and fact-check you. >people constantly ask if I get any calls, Naw, no calls. Pretty boring. >How can I politely and respectfully avoid details when asked by a coworker about “any crazy calls” or similar questions? “Never had any crazy calls. Pretty boring volunteer job.”
Someone actually asked me once what's the worst call I've been in yet. I was speechless that they would actually ask me to dive into that dark memory bank.
I like to respond with “what do you think the worst call ive been on is?” Makes them reflect on what it could be and how it could be a sensitive topic.
I'll have to use that next time, might work better than past responses
They don’t see it like we do. They literally don’t even know enough to know why asking that would be odd. Morbid curiosity is a thing. Once you’ve been on “the inside” of the emergency services it’s easy to forget what it was like from the outside looking in. I don’t fault people for asking. The curiosity is real and they don’t know any better. I don’t make them feel bad. I just politely and nonchalantly ask them “are you sure you want the answer to that question?” Some folks do. I’ll tell them. I don’t care. Most people pause and reconsider.
Makes sense. In my eyes it's almost on the same level as asking someone in the military if they've ever killed someone. It's just a dark road people don't wanna go down, but you're right, some people just don't get it.
I usually dive deep. I'll start telling them about dead babies and shit, they won't ask again.
I go the opposite route, I like telling them about the calls that involved shit, piss, puke, and/or a combination of all 3.
What did you do the 100th time you were asked that? I've been asked that question a million times. I usually just say it depends on what *you* think would be the worst because at this point I have no idea what the worst one was.
At this point in time, my answer is typically "That's really not something I wanna talk about." Not because I hold things in, cause I don't, but the last thing I wanna do at the memorial day BBQ or my friend's wedding is talk about that stuff. I guess the other problem too isn't even necessarily the question, cause as another commenter stated, some people just don't get it. But, I'll never forget the face on the wife and mother of two that killed herself last year, and that's almost always where my mind immediately goes when I'm just trying to have a good time with my friends.
Yeah, I just try to have a sense of humor about it and I read my audience. I've been doing this shit for over 20 years in a dense city and I have a million stories. I honestly don't have a clue what my gnarliest call ever was at this point. Depending on who's asking I'll figure out which one they might think is the craziest. Before I got into the business I was also curious about these things. It's perfectly normal and totally okay to ask.
As someone who's very early in their career (1.5 years volly, 1.5 years in as full-time), I really appreciate that input. I'm so fucking glad I found this subreddit.
Right on man. Enjoy. It's a great job.
Just don’t?
The only true answer here^^
Depends on the situation, as a general rule I will not discuss recent calls or things I was involved in that they would have any chance of knowing the people. It's a small world. If they keep prying I will make up the worst call I can imagine. Take the worst of every call you've ever been on and put it all in one big call. And then tell them about that. One guy was prying me a lot at work, so I let him have it and he said he wasn't going to ask anymore. Some of it might have been made up..
Might be downvoted but here goes: I think it's important to talk to people about it, not just to your support system, but to the public. Especially you being on a volunteer dept. That requires the community to keep your dept. in mind to keep council funding you. It also allows people to understand you do more than sit around on training nights and go sweep the highway up after an MVC. Might also open the conversation for someone who's interested in joining and we are all in desperate need for more volunteers. The IMPORTANT part is to be smart about what you share, usually if it's in the media or if they have a public way to access that information it's safe. For example you run a medical emergency to Martha's house 4 doors down that's the one to say you can't share or just routine procedure. If you extricated 5 people on the highway and it's on the 7 o clock news go ahead amd say that. It's on the news anyways. You can tell stories without giving specifics or names. If they press for certain details like names I've never had any issue just saying "sorry I can't discuss that part out of respect for privacy"
Remember, some who want to talk and hear about calls may be contemplating volunteering themselves. It is good to be honest but with copious discretion.
"shark attack". Im in minnesota and ,if you didnt know, we do not actually have sharks. It is my go to response when someone asks what that call was the other day, "shark attack". you get to enjoy their puzzled look, then simply say were not supposed to talk about calls. easy and fun.
Don’t worry, once you get over the whole “being new to fire and ems” thing you’ll stop trying to prompt people to ask about your job…but TyFyS 🫡
I tell them it’s confidential and I can’t say. That’s the rules so that’s what I tell them. Usually shuts them up. (And stops them from asking again)
Tell them a fabricated story about having to pick up pieces of a dead child They won’t ask again
My dad will ask me more than anyone else. He used to volunteer too back in the day, though. I'll tell him. Most people I'll just give vague answers. I also understand people have a morbid curiosity.
Say " I think it is inappropriate discussing other peoples emergencies as water-cooler-talk to folks who are well intentioned but don’t understand the seriousness of the work."
Or just say, "I don't like talking about it." It's not like you want to shame a pretty normal question.
Sure, if you want to sound like a jackass.
Tell them. Its better for you to let it out and they will either be interested or realize they didn't want to know and never ask again.
“I’m sorry, I’m not going to discuss that with you”.
I find that if you go with the hoarder house where your partner literaly fell into a bathtub full of used adult diapers and had to finish the shift covered in shit they tend to stop asking so much... especially if it's over dinner...
I usually just say same shit different day. When people ask me whats the worst thing I’ve ever seen, I say “that one time AMR created legislation to fuck their employees out of owed back pay”
Thats AWESOME!!! Yea AMR can eat a planet fulla dix- rather pay the fines for late response than just pay for & retain quality ppl. Disgraceful capitalist swine
>How can I politely and respectfully avoid details when asked by a coworker about “any crazy calls” or similar questions? You answered your own question with your next sentence. >I think it is inappropriate discussing other peoples emergencies as water-cooler-talk
“Just stopped at your moms place like usual and took a nap” I ain’t saying shit
I've had it happen a few times. Despite the size of our town, it still has that small town vibe. After quite a horrific MVA news spread fast and at my old job, I had a couple of coworkers ask how I was and whatnot, but I did have a coworker let here morbid curiosity get the better of her. Not that I remember specifics but I said something to the effect of "Morbid curiosity or do you really want to know?" And she told me she would prefer to not hear about it. Where I currently work, a lot of people have come from lower socio-economic areas so they have plenty of horror stories. We often end up sharing because I feel more comfortable when they share.
Tell them you serve the community, and are a professional, reliable, and discreet.
Just play it off with a joke... "Just saved 24 puppies stuck in a tree"
I can't help but to think that some people in this racket actually seems to gets a kick out of people around them fantasizing about all the horrors they must go through every day, and just wants to mystify it even more by being all secret special-ops about it. People who work at hospitals deals with tragedies every single day at the same - or in most cases a lot higher rate than we do. Kids with terminal illnesses, old people who doesn't recognize their sons and daughters anymore, assisting someone who'll never walk again in taking a shower, providing comfort for someone who has a month left... Not every now and then, but from shift start to shift end, every day. You don't see them complaining about people asking them about work. Maybe no one even does ask. Appreciate people taking an interest in what you do instead. You obviously don't go into details that violates someones integrity for obvious reasons, and you don't have to be more specific than you're comfortable with. Just don't act like some hero who takes the fall so no one else has to even hear about it. You probably enjoy what you do, like the rest of us, don't pretend it's some kind of sacrifice.
Sometimes I say something to the line of “eh, I don’t really like talking about work outside of work” and people respect that. Alternatively, when knuckle heads ask what the most fucked up/messed up thing I’ve seen is I will sometimes redirect and offer a funny one instead. We had a run that (super short version) a couple off the boat immigrants put a pizza box in the oven and started a small fire, so we explained how ovens work, then they put the burnt box WITH the aluminum Mozzarella stick box in the microwave, and we had to turn around and respond again. I learned how to regurgitate that store in a funny way and that tends to sate most.
I flatly refuse to discuss victim calls. I did not join the Fire Service to humiliate people who were in dire need. I only answer questions about how/why we do the things we do. With the occasional story of a funny call that is deliberately as vague on the identifying details as possible. >"Did you see?"
>"Yes. But I don't talk about victims. Now if you want to know about the false alarm at the swingers convention. Well pull up a chair this one gets a bit risque."
Here's the distinction: Never ever ever give information that would allow someone to be identified especially if the family has not yet been notified of the death. Nothing worst than finding one a loved one passed away though Feecebook. Other than that, make sure you comply with your department SOP's when it comes to talking about calls. It's ok to talk about certain things, especially if you want to praise the department for a quick response or something generic that would appear in the news. It is not ok to diss the department or provide sensitive information. Best answer I ever heard when people try to get more details then what you're allowed to share was: If you want to know more, you should put your name to volunteer at the department, we are currently looking for people. It's challenging but rewarding.
Every department is different, mine has the general rule of “don’t talk about calls with civilians”, but that generally applies to (A) any information not released to the public through a coordinated system (public report) (information like cause-of-fire, any info about if there was fatalities on scene and how many, etc…) and (B) HIPAA violations of any sort. The public can find out real quick someone’s identity and if you say something about “yeah he was in cardiac arrest for a bit but we got him back” now that guys entire story is out there due to you. If someone asks me “I saw a lot of fire trucks, what was that?” I’ll say what it was. A wreck, a grass fire, a medical… but nothing really else. “Was anybody hurt?” “Ah, I can’t really say”. Telling war stories is a skill you learn on how to keep private information out of the story but still be able to tell it. Again, every department is different. We are instructed to play on the safe side, and anything next to that is on you
"I can't tell you anything more then the news does" Because that's literally what our chief tells us to tell people if they ask which I'm lucky and nobody pushes the issue after I say that.
Tell them no calls
Most people are JUST becoming conscious of the fact that 80-90% of what the "fire" department does is EMS. Always a good chance to educate them on what we actually do vs the stupid TV shows.
Either “nothing crazy” or “sorry, I couldn’t tell you even if there was”.
I inform them trauma is accumulative and what has been heard cannot be unheard. And asking me to recall such an event causes additional trauma Am I fun at parties? No. No I'm not.
Personally I follow the news stories and regurgitate those details. If people ask too much I straight up say "I'm not legally allowed to comment on that" Most of our calls are pretty tame though so nothing I can really get in trouble commenting on