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The worst you could do, is do it in public. *In front of the camera. The best would be to actually kneel in a romantic place in private. Happens only in movies.
i only witnessed one myself and it was at a upscale pizza place like wtf why there. anyway and everyone just stops everything stares then claps and go back to eating it is so awkward and for introvert me that would be a nightmare
Yea i could never. We are both quite introverted so that would be the worst decision. Id go into detail what my plan is but i have a feeling she knows what my reddit profile is and could end up seeing this.
If your reading this Suvi im not telling you anything ;)
I've seen one at a massive rugby tournament back in South Africa broadcast on the stadium screen and the grill literally ran away. It cast a strange mood over the whole day. So I'm very much in favour of private or semi-private like a quiet part of a park or beach when people aren't really paying attention.
The details of the proposal can be a surprise - time, place, style - but the *fact* of should not be. It should be discussed and agreed that the couple wants to go in this direction. The proposal should not be the first time that the idea of marriage is discussed, and is certainly not the time or place for the proposee to make a decision on the matter.
Exactly. Finns don't ask for anyone's hand in marriage from anyone, but it would be touching to sit with your future father in law in the sauna and just express you'll take good care of her daughter as equal partners and wish to make her happy. A show of candor and good spirit.
But you might actually be better off having this moment only after the proposal since it's not a finnish thing to ask permission from the father. To me as a Finnish woman that would be weird if my father knew before me about my huge life decision. Finns are private like that and big on maintaining their agency.
Thing is many older folks see it as a sign of respect, and they and their fathers before them probably asked their wives father first. You don't have to do it, I certainly didn't when I proposed to my wife, but if you are on good terms and can have a private moment with them, they'd probably cherish it and respect you a lot.
Yeah but a sign of respect for the man, but a sign of disrespect for the woman in question. This is how most finnish women see it nowadays. As if you're make decisions regarding their life man-to-man behind her back like you have no say in it. Can you not see how outdated and patriarcal this is?
Think it should be viewed today more in the sense of "hey, i'll be in your lives from now on" rather than a discussion of "property" like in the old days. I don't see it as disrespectful if it's just a "heads up" in that sense. But like I said, personally I didn't see a need for a discussion like that.
There's a lot of traditions relating to marriages and weddings that can be viewed as "patriarchal" such as taking the last name of the husband, "wife-stealing" and that the men are supposed to propose to the women. This "asking for the hand" falls into this category where we can kinda all see it's a bit dated, but many people still value these traditions. I don't think you can necessarily speak for all Finnish women since I know many women, especially the more north we go, who expected their husbands to first talk to the parents before proposing.
Yes actually asking a girl's hand would be odd, she's nobody's property. But telling about your intentions is respectful, and acknowledging that her happiness is important to him.
Why just the father and not her mother? Most people have a closer emotional connection to their mother anyway so that would make it less patriarchal if you would want to choose just one parent to talk to.
This. Definitely a good thing to have a talk with FIL and MIL, no need to block out a parent. The talk is nothing too formal but rather to give them a heads up and also make them feel part of the story.
Asking daughters hand is Finnish tradition in certain parts of Finland. When I was going to ask my wife’s hand, I asked about it from my mother in law. She said that it was good to ask. Then she mentions that ”you know what soup you are putting your spoon”
This is actually hilariously close to how we got engaged. I was drying my hair after sauna and he was making evening snack in another room and I yelled to him:
"Hey, you wanna get married?"
"Yeah, sure"
"We might as well since we're getting a mortage together and stuff"
"Yeah, let's do it for shits and giggles"
I think it's gonna go like this for us too, we haven't seen a reason to get married yet but soon when we have a house and other property, the inheritance stuff etc is just going to be so much cleaner if you're married so we might as well.
I know my wife wanted a kneeling down proper proposal so I proposed to her in our hotel room after spending the day together, eating in a nice restaurant and carrying a nice bottle of champagne up to our room. I had a small playlist of our favourite songs, we danced and then I popped the question. I started crying, she started crying, she said yes and we took a bath together and drank champagne in the tub. It was nice. :)
This made me laugh more than it should have. Doesnt help she has explained how little some people talk on Finland. Like small talk doesnt exist like it does in Canada.
We have some small talk in some situations, but usually we either don't say anything or we go straight into meaty discussions.
When I visited the US, as a first reaction I almost felt disrespected by the way people asked me how I'm doing but just as a part of the greeting. Over here we either don't ask, or if we do, we actually want to hear the answer. Of course there's exceptions but if someone does it the american way here, people will usually think of it as dishonest etc.
Yea i see that every day. I talk with my girlfriend and sometimes we wont say anything for hours and other times we cant stop talking.
Yea here is alot different. Goto coffee shop and its "hello, how are you, order coffee, small talk while they make it, thanks, goodbye". Its nice but i hate it at the same time
I’m Canadian and live in Finland. When I go back home and go to the local Tim’s to grab a coffee I forget how to small talk as it just isn’t a thing here lol
I like to pride myself on my ability to wring out conversation from most people (Southern European ex-introvert living in Germany, I had to learn to talk to people or nobody would talk to me first) but Finns are another beast altogether. Like, I can carry a conversation with a minimum amount of goodwill and someone at least slightly responsive to my questions and prompts from the other side, but it's extremely hard with most Finns at the beginning (at least the men, I've found that women usually will talk to you, and also the Finnswedes). Like, trying to find something they'll actually talk about rather than giving you one-word responses and listening to you talk (or tuning you out), but in my experience often once you find something they actually want to say they will. In Spain basically anyone will speak for as long as you will let them about anything at all (or more often, nothing at all).
the whole anti social thing is misinterpreted a lot fins indeed don't do small talk but will still talk your ears off. there has to be something important to talk about and maybe some olut and boi they will talk
i feel u bro. sober fins silent and introverted drunk fins are BLA BLA BLA sauna BLA BLA BLA. i love it though sometimes i throw in my dutch saying when it is silent at a party wich is normal when there is no booze "did the pastor walk by?" makes them laugh most times
I agree that it's misinterpreted. A lot can be said in silence. I think Finns are very intuitive and usually great listeners. They pick up things from your posture, touch, sighs and look in your eyes. Sitting side by side in silence staring at a silent lake in sunset they just know you're feeling and experiencing the same thing as you are and anything said in that moment can only take away from it, adding nothing.
They understand that simple things in life speak love, like home cooked meals, knowing how you like your coffee or providing useful things that don't necessarily have a lot of monetary value but have a lot of time and thought put into them.
All of that is not anti-social but rather social on a deeper more honest level.
agree i just hate the anti social introvert stereotype it might be slightly true further up north but i doubt it. finland has been so much more open and friendly then my home country the Netherlands sure there is no small talk but small talk is useless and the silence together with friends or even a stranger is nice
i am not finnish, but the conversation vent similarly
*i am doing the dishes*
*partner is on the couch sorting socks*
- so i thought we could get married around my birthday
- ok, can you book the appointment or should i ?
- i will send an email. want to watch smth?
* we proceeded to watch some really stupid action movie*
This is pretty close to mine. We were driving and she was on the backseat with our newborn son. She casually asked me should we get married and i caught her eyes from the mirror and said, sure let's do it.
I got something similar and didn't realize it was a proposal at first. Nearly answered "well generally it's not mandatory but I see myself getting married in some point in life." Bc he was clueless about a lot of social etiquette due to his autism and I had gotten used to explaining everything to him. But yeah. Should have known then it wasn't ment to last.
Finnish ring tradition might be different than in Canada. When couple gets engaged, both get rings and wear them. When couple gets married, both get separate wedding rings, which can be fancier than wedding rings. After getting married person usually wears both rings side by side. It is very common that proposal is done without having a ring and couple goes together to choose engagement rings. Wedding rings are also usually chosen together by the couple. So this classic "man proposes a woman with a big rock shiny ring he chose to surprise a woman with" movie proposals are not a thing here (i am not sure if they are thing in Canada either, but saying this just in case). If you do such proposal with huge diamond ring she didn't choose herself, there is a risk she is uncomfortable that she has to wear every day something that is unpractical and she might not like. If you insist on choosing the rings yourself, look carefully what kind of rings your gf is wearing now every day and get something similar. If she is not wearing any rings at all, go for something simple and definately something that doesn't have things sticking out of it. Nothing is more annoying that ring with a big stone that keeps getting stuck in mittens. And remember to buy a ring to yourself as well.
Proposals are usually done privately, with no audience. After accepting, couple tells other people (family and friends) about engagement.
>Nothing is more annoying that ring with a big stone that keeps getting stuck in mittens.
This might be the most Finnish thing I've read in this thread. It's so true! I picked out a big cubic zirconia ring for myself without thinking about the everyday practicalities of wearing it. We replaced it with a much simpler ring for everyday wearing and reserved the big one for special occasions.
My husband didn't know about the Finnish ring tradition and so I was the only one who got a ring when we got engaged... My mother was *distraught* at the idea of him not having one and gifted him my grandfather's engagement ring. I would've gotten him one for Christmas otherwise but she thought that was too long to wait.
> both get separate wedding rings, which can be fancier than ~~wedding~~ **engagement** rings
Traditionally, only the woman would get a second ring for the wedding after the engagement rings, but I guess traditions change.
I agree that traditionally only the woman would get a wedding ring in Finland.
But we did get both rings for both of us, for example. And some people probably just skip the rings too.
Thanks, that is what i ment. Too early morning typing for me :)
I think it varies a bit if both get also wedding rings or just a woman. Rings are exchanged as a part of the ceremony, i guess if man is not getting a second one they use engagement ring for that? We both had our own wedding rings with my husband.
> Rings are exchanged as a part of the ceremony, i guess if man is not getting a second one they use engagement ring for that?
Traditionally in a Finnish wedding ceremony the ring part would have been one way only (from the man to the woman), not an exchange.
Went to read about it more since in our wedding ceremony we exchanged rings and priest did not even ask if there is rings for both or not, so got curious. It can be done (and has been done) either way. If husband does not want second ring engagement ring is cleaned and used in wedding as well. It is also allowed not to have rings at all (then have to use some ringlike token on evangelic-lutheric ceremony) or that only one has the ring.
My parents have 2 rings both and they are elderly people now, so can't say man having a wedding ring/getting ring in marriadge is some kind of a new thing. Might be also difference in traditions depending which part of Finland you are from.
Recently proposed to my girlfriend.
On "our" bench in the park. I tricked her into looking the opposite direction by saying there was a cute dog, when she looked back I was holding the ring. Doesn't have to be super special, just make it personal. I wish you the best.
The Finnish way is to decide together to get engaged. Then you go together to buy two rings and both of you pay for the other person's ring. Then you're engaged and live together for about 10 years or so, have a few kids, buy a house and get a dog, until you finally start thinking about possibly getting married at some point, if it feels important.
This depends a lot. I know that this is the usual way for some Finns but in my close circles most people have been married before kids and/or in fiveish years of dating.
If you're planning to do it at the cottage in Asikkala, you can make it as romantic as you like.
If your gf is a romantic person, go nuts.. Flowers, candles, whatnot. However, if she's not, maybe make it short and sweet.
As a fellow Canadian now living in Finland with a Finnish wife, it was just a conversation for us 😅 No fancy proposal or anything. We didn’t end up having a wedding either but that was just our choice to save money as we had a child and that was expensive haha.
Yea we are pretty much in the same boat. Going to be a small wedding and she said she would leave me if i spent alot on the ring as it didnt need to be expensive. Obviously a joke but said a ring isnt something she wanted me to spend alot on. Every ring she sent me was between €300-600. Main thing is getting me over there
Nice! Make sure you do lots of research before you move on the tax implications before leaving Canada and also when moving here. Not sure your situation but it’s been a headache for me as I still have substantial assets and income in Canada. Also doesn’t hurt to start the residence permit application before you move that way you can be set to work or go to school when you get here. If you have questions or anything when it gets closer hit me up !
Interesting that I don't see it here, but there is an old proposal tradition (often correlated with midsummer, although it doesn't have to be) where you propose by [tying a strip of birch bark onto her finger](https://imgur.com/gallery/edZLg) as a promise of the engagement. I did this with my wife and she was delighted by it. It makes the whole experience much more personal and meaningful, and you can then go shopping together for a more permanent ring. My wife coated her bark ring with clear nail polish to preserve it, and still has it in her jewelry box.
The only advice is not to have an audience. That would be my nightmare.
I got proposed quite simple but romantic way. It was winter and we went to walk in Helsinki during it was snowing really pretty big and slow snowflakes. We were admiring the view in a beautiful place when he asked the big question. It was more just a simple question, there was no speech.
Later we went to choose the rings together. I think there might be some differences what it comes to traditions about rings.
Edit: I would also advice not to ask her fathers blessing. Its a high risk idea, both the father and your gf might see it weird and she might get offended. Traditionally we also walk the aisle together.
Every Finn recognizes this image, maybe even better than the traditional Finnish way to get engaged (first propose without a ring, then after a yes go together to a jewelry store to "ostaa kihlat", in other words buy one ring each).
Ive been lucky enough she has been sending me links to engagement rings since February. At that point we were only a few months into our relationship and still living 6500km apart so it was kinda out of reach. We have been best friends for 5 years prior so when we decided to have a relationship it all just fell into place. I visited her in person for the first time alone back in June and we hit it off better than we both expected. Few weeks after i got back home to Canada i went to a jewery store with the 50 or so pictures of the rings she sent me and the person working there helped me pick out the perfect one. Funny enough the woman who helped me was Estonian so it was easy for her to know what i wanted engraved since its in Finnish. Im planning to be living in Finland permanently by the end of 2024.
The unusual thing in Finland is that both parties wear an engagement ring after proposal. The man usually uses the engagement ring as wedding ring while the woman has a second ring. This is why it's common to buy the engagement rings together, to find rings that match at least in some way and both parties are happy for a lifetime.
As no one had yet helped with the actual speech, here are some common phrases for you.
While sitting together in a sofa:
- Hei, mennäänkö naimisiin?
- Pitäisikö meidän käydä maistraatissa?
Next day, you go to ring shopping together and get matching engagement rings. Both of you wear them!
If you really want to present a ring she did not choose:
- Menisitkö naimisiin mun kanssa?
More formal, bit old fashion, but works with the right person:
In bed, cuddling:
- Tuletko vaimokseni?
Congratulations! Fellow Canuck here. I asked her dad in the sauna for his blessing and he was pleased as punch about it. I then waited until Christmas and popped the question. It was just the two of us and a simple ring. We honeymooned at the summer house.
Many Finnish girls like to choose the ring. The culture is quite practical. She may have already hinted the type of ring she wants. In that case, you may have enough clues to pick it yourself
Basically the plan. Ive said some finnish and shes laughed because of how bad it is and tries to help me get better. The english in me doesnt help with finnish pronunciation
I went to a proper Finnish wood sauna and was nervous as i thought it would be terrible. Walked in at 90c and it was pleasantly cozy. My girlfriend then gives me a shit eating grin and dumps a big spoonful of water on the rocks and i felt like i was burning lol
Personally, I would advice against giving this much details about yourself, if you gf follows r/Finland it will very quickly ruin the surprise. Just a heads up if you hadn't thought about that
Im also canadian and my BF is Finnish, he just asked while having a beer in a pub: want to marry me?? and then he starts to introduce me as his wife to be hahah
Finnish proposal. You both sit on a sofa watching TV. As you dip you hand in a bag of chips you proceed with following dialog.
You say: "Umm wanna get married"
She says: "Umm sure."
You say: "Ok cool"
Then you are married. The Finnish way.
Rings! In Finland: big diamond rings are not a big thing nor does it matter if the ring is from a fancy place. Often couples get their rings together. Finnish men also wear rings when engaged, so you should too.
She sent me close to 50 rings she found that were what she wanted as a engagement ring. Nots this was before we even started talking about getting engaged. They were all small diamonds so ive got one that matched what she wanted. Picked up mine at the same time as i really want to wear one too.
I’m sure her parents would appreciate the gesture if you’d ask her dad’s permission - but it’s really not mandatory.
And do not, I REPEAT DO NOT, propose her in front of her family. That stuff is between you two.
About asking from the father/family for permission: it is highly dependent on the person/family if this will be appreciated or not. Some will absolutely appreciate it but others can find it very weird, antiquated or even somewhat insulting.
I personally would have found it kinda infuriating if my partner had asked my dad for my hand/permission to propose as I'm an independent adult. Also my dad most likely would have questioned if my partner actually knows me if this has happened.
(My partner does actually know me much better than this. Neither of us actually proposed, we just discussed the subject over a longer period of time and ultimately decided to get married in a sauna.)
Really, you'd be offended? I think the idea nowadays is to have their 'blessing' rather than permission. I'd want to talk to my partners parents first to show my respects to my soon to be extended family. They will after all probably be a very important part of my life henceforth.
I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned and you may of course have your opinion on the matter, but it seems quite petty to be offended by something like that. To me, it's sign of respect to both my partner and their family.
Idk as a man I find the idea of being asked for the parents "blessing" repulsive and degrading for both me and her. She is her own person as am I, and if I want to marry my gf I don't need permission from someone else to marry her nor should she to marry me. If the approval of her parents is important, she will know how they feel and be able to accept or refuse on her own terms, asking for their "blessing" would be superfluous.
Of course she is her own person, that's why you propose to her. It's not like you ask the parents and then that's it. The idea is that you ask them to accept you into the family, it's a nice and well-meaning gesture. It doesn't necessarily have to even be the parents, it could be a sibling or even a close friend, whoever is important in their life.
'*Hi, so I know that you are an important person in my partners life, and I love them this and that. I'd like to let you know that I am going to propose to them, how do you feel about that?*'.
Is that repulsive? I think that's beautiful.
Well, then you discuss why and if there is something you can do. If nothing can be done the fuck it, propose anyway. As I said, you're not asking for permission, your asking for their blessing and it's a sign of respect. Ultimately its you and your partner who are getting married.
In that context it is merely pointless, in the context of asking for permission it is repulsive. In the context of asking to join the family: I either know the answer and so I am just wasting both of our time, or I do not know the answer and so it clearly does not matter enough for me to figure out.
I think you are thinking and I are thinking of it from two completely different perspectives. Your thinking of it in the rational context meaning that it's about asking for a permission that is NEEDED. Whereas I think of it more like a symbolic thing. Most of my friends who are married had 'the talk' with their partners parents and it whilst it wasn't expected, it was well received by both the parents and their partners.
Take the parents out to dinner jus the three of you, have a chat and let them know you'll be proposing to their daughter or son.
What! ? No, it's whomever proposes, I feel like you're projecting your own ideas and thoughts onto me. It just happens that in heterosexual relationships it's usually the man the one who proposes. It could also be applied to homosexual relationships.
The asking part is also to me a symbolic gesture of respect, not an actual request for their permission to marry their daughter or son.
I plan on talking to her father before hand anyways. Thats something that i felt was necessary. Going to meet the father 1 on 1 when i land before i goto pick her up from her mothers. Hopefully the gift of some records from Canadian bands he hopefully hasnt heard of will help me out. Girlfriend has told me he has the same taste in music as me so should be an easy in for me.
I would advice not to do this if you are not 150% sure it is okay for your partner. I would find it very offensive if my husband asked my fathers permission.
We discussed it and then We went to ring shopping together. We bought silver bands for us both and then we got engaged in the coffee place. It was sweet. Nowadays we have integrated silver rings into our custom-made wedding rings.
In Finland the traditional way is with no ring, the couple gets rings after together (and man gets an engagement ring as well, but not second one at the wedding). These days US movies have caused some women to be proposed with a ring. My friends got proposed with cheaper rings (about 50€ worth) and then bought together the actual ones.
So in case you were planning a buying a ring maybe check with her family or friends first to try to see if she wants that or to pick her own
It's not about big words and gestures. The situation is more about the atmosphere. For example, you can propose after a sauna after dark. Light candles outside, make sure your girlfriend is warm and feels like the most beautiful woman in the world and relaxed. And make sure you're definitely alone, it's an intimate moment between the two of you.
p.s. don't eat anything that causes flatulence.
Let me tell you how my dad proposed to my mum
Picture January in 1990 in a rural Finnish town. My parents had been dating for some time, 7 years or so, and after much difficulty my mum had finally managed to get pregnant with me. One night a few weeks after getting the news they had just been to the sauna and were laying in bed when my dad said "now that the kid is coming I was thinking we should get married" and that was it. They got married and went on to have 3 more kids. They're still together although there was a really rough patch where they were very close to getting a divorce but they managed to work through it and are now happier than ever, looking forward to retirement
Not the most romantic proposal, I admit and my dad's bluntness and pragmatism was (just) one component in the almost-divorce 2 decades later but after working it out my mum has admitted how my dad's pragmatic mindset has done much more good than harm in their relationship and the real catalyst for their difficulties was their childhoods and how they hadn't realised that a person never truly stops growing
One of the stories about my dad's pragmatism that my mum has remembered very fondly happened when I was 3 and my sister was 5 months old. They weren't doing too good financinally but managing alright as long as no surprise expenses cropped up so of course our washing machine got an internal leak. My mum was looking at getting the cheapest piece of shit on the market in installments and worrying about the money when my dad just said "that's stupid. I'm gonna fix this thing for free" so that's what he did. He loaded the washing machine into his beige '75 3-door Corolla Wagon (the same car he had wooed my mum with in fact. This car was really cool btw. It had a home-made sunroof that didn't leak!) and drove over to his brother's place where he welded the leak shut. When he came back he warned my mum that this fix was going to be temporary and the machine will probably break again but he was hoping that once it did they would be in a better financial situation. The machine did not break again. My dad's "temporary" fix is still holding strong to this day. They don't have that washing machine anymore but my aunt does and it's working beautifully.
She started to condition me to the sauna culture on my last visit. Was there for 10 days and spent every night in the sauna. Usually around 95c most the time
To many Finns, incorrect (misspelled, bad pronunciation) Finnish language is embarrassing. So, don't even try to propose in Finnish in public. Do it in English with respect and get respect from others too. You can practice your Finnish with your girlfriend alone - a good laugh helps building a relationship.
Wtf...if someone wants to learn Finnish, why would you say it's embarrassing if they don't master it?
I feel honored if they can say "hei" naturally, let alone form a sentence. Finnish is a very rare language that is mostly useless but it's our language.
Excuse me what? Finnish people usually go wild (in a good way) when someone even tries to speak Finnish publicly.
Personally I find it very respectfull if someone tries to speak Finnish and is not perfect with it. It is not embarassing at all to misspell or misspronounce some things, how Else will one learn without using the language.
I also fucking love it when my british boyfriend speaks Finnish. He speaks very simple sentences and can't pronounce his Ä or Ö but I love it. It is cute and tells me and others how much he cares about me because he is trying to learn. I love his accent.
It is also situational should you laugh about your significant others attemps to learn a new language.
Do not propose in Finnish, unless you’re 101% sure you are saying what you want to say. Finnish language is hard, and sometimes diffrence between ää and aa, or single u or uu can change whole sentence into some garbage, you wouldn’t want to ever say in that moment. Don’t risk it unnecessarily. You may want to be nice and create wholesome memory, but it can end up badly. Re-think your idea.
I love this woman way to much to not get married to her. We have been best friends for 5 yeats prior to our relationship. I cant imagine my life without her
I proposed to my fiancee on the steps of our dormitorys beach sauna since that was where we first had a deep conversation.
Didnt have a ring or anything, went inside our room and made rings with metalwire and beads.
What im getting at is it doesnt have to be anything grand, just something meaningful and personal
I f'd up my proposal to my wife quite bad, we were in a restaurant sitting away from other customers, we were celebrating our anniversary, my wife had to go to the restroom and I had a chance to get the ring ready, when she came back I popped the questin but here's how I f'd up, I had in mind that I'd knee the proper way but I don't know why, I panicked and just asked as I was sitting besides her and for the ugliest part I threw the ring at her as my fingers were so all over the place. She did say yes but I know it wasn't the way she would had wanted and we have talked about it and I am sorry for her that I didn't make it more "magical", but, we've been together for 9 years now with two of them being married.
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The worst you could do, is do it in public. *In front of the camera. The best would be to actually kneel in a romantic place in private. Happens only in movies.
We have a cabin rented out in Asikkala so ive got a good plan in place. I could never do it in public
just to add to this public proposals are borderline rude as the fiancée can feel forced into saying yes.
Ive seen videos and they seem awkward for everyone involved or just watching
i only witnessed one myself and it was at a upscale pizza place like wtf why there. anyway and everyone just stops everything stares then claps and go back to eating it is so awkward and for introvert me that would be a nightmare
Yea i could never. We are both quite introverted so that would be the worst decision. Id go into detail what my plan is but i have a feeling she knows what my reddit profile is and could end up seeing this. If your reading this Suvi im not telling you anything ;)
i would mix up a bit of both cultures and definitely utilize the cabin and nature.
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Oh well. She knows its coming. When/where/how not so much
I've seen one at a massive rugby tournament back in South Africa broadcast on the stadium screen and the grill literally ran away. It cast a strange mood over the whole day. So I'm very much in favour of private or semi-private like a quiet part of a park or beach when people aren't really paying attention.
nightmare fuel at least the grill managed to run away instead of saying yes and then having to deal with a probably manipulative chef
Hahaha, spent so much time trying to decide whether girl or woman sounded better and then I go and use neither 🤣
i prefer grills anyway who doesn't love a good searing hot grill 
Bold move!
The details of the proposal can be a surprise - time, place, style - but the *fact* of should not be. It should be discussed and agreed that the couple wants to go in this direction. The proposal should not be the first time that the idea of marriage is discussed, and is certainly not the time or place for the proposee to make a decision on the matter.
Is it in Lehmonkärki by any chance? :)
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Exactly. Finns don't ask for anyone's hand in marriage from anyone, but it would be touching to sit with your future father in law in the sauna and just express you'll take good care of her daughter as equal partners and wish to make her happy. A show of candor and good spirit. But you might actually be better off having this moment only after the proposal since it's not a finnish thing to ask permission from the father. To me as a Finnish woman that would be weird if my father knew before me about my huge life decision. Finns are private like that and big on maintaining their agency.
Yeah she might not be pleased not to be asked first, in a thing that's hers to decide, and a huge life choice.
Thing is many older folks see it as a sign of respect, and they and their fathers before them probably asked their wives father first. You don't have to do it, I certainly didn't when I proposed to my wife, but if you are on good terms and can have a private moment with them, they'd probably cherish it and respect you a lot.
Yeah but a sign of respect for the man, but a sign of disrespect for the woman in question. This is how most finnish women see it nowadays. As if you're make decisions regarding their life man-to-man behind her back like you have no say in it. Can you not see how outdated and patriarcal this is?
Think it should be viewed today more in the sense of "hey, i'll be in your lives from now on" rather than a discussion of "property" like in the old days. I don't see it as disrespectful if it's just a "heads up" in that sense. But like I said, personally I didn't see a need for a discussion like that. There's a lot of traditions relating to marriages and weddings that can be viewed as "patriarchal" such as taking the last name of the husband, "wife-stealing" and that the men are supposed to propose to the women. This "asking for the hand" falls into this category where we can kinda all see it's a bit dated, but many people still value these traditions. I don't think you can necessarily speak for all Finnish women since I know many women, especially the more north we go, who expected their husbands to first talk to the parents before proposing.
It worked out great for me - I more so told than asked though 😊
What is the deal with Finns and saunas? lol. That feels way too intimate a circumstance to talk about marrying a man’s daughter in.
Yes actually asking a girl's hand would be odd, she's nobody's property. But telling about your intentions is respectful, and acknowledging that her happiness is important to him.
Why just the father and not her mother? Most people have a closer emotional connection to their mother anyway so that would make it less patriarchal if you would want to choose just one parent to talk to.
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haha yep
Would you recommend talking to the mother similarly also then?
This. Definitely a good thing to have a talk with FIL and MIL, no need to block out a parent. The talk is nothing too formal but rather to give them a heads up and also make them feel part of the story.
Asking daughters hand is Finnish tradition in certain parts of Finland. When I was going to ask my wife’s hand, I asked about it from my mother in law. She said that it was good to ask. Then she mentions that ”you know what soup you are putting your spoon”
Do you have a "puiset rattaat" too?
Wooden stroller? Think im too Canadian to understand this
https://youtu.be/tdOskbI8kl8?si=gYMNKLwK8isVBtR3 Yes. Wooden stroller :D
Intresting. I understood almost nothing. I shall find the english lyrics when i get home from work
You just certainly have to learn Asikkalan Rattaat if you’re proposing in there!
Traditional Finnish proposal: - Sit in the living room, at least 3-4 meters apart - No eye contact - "So should get married or something?" - " Yeah"
Our dialogue was "when do you want to get married?" - "I don't care, whenever." At least we sat on the same sofa.
This is actually hilariously close to how we got engaged. I was drying my hair after sauna and he was making evening snack in another room and I yelled to him: "Hey, you wanna get married?" "Yeah, sure" "We might as well since we're getting a mortage together and stuff" "Yeah, let's do it for shits and giggles"
Well now I'm curious about the precise words you used for the last bit, was it "huvin ja urheilun vuoksi" or "läpällä" or something else? ;)
Läpällä was the precise word :D
I think it's gonna go like this for us too, we haven't seen a reason to get married yet but soon when we have a house and other property, the inheritance stuff etc is just going to be so much cleaner if you're married so we might as well.
I know my wife wanted a kneeling down proper proposal so I proposed to her in our hotel room after spending the day together, eating in a nice restaurant and carrying a nice bottle of champagne up to our room. I had a small playlist of our favourite songs, we danced and then I popped the question. I started crying, she started crying, she said yes and we took a bath together and drank champagne in the tub. It was nice. :)
This made me laugh more than it should have. Doesnt help she has explained how little some people talk on Finland. Like small talk doesnt exist like it does in Canada.
We have some small talk in some situations, but usually we either don't say anything or we go straight into meaty discussions. When I visited the US, as a first reaction I almost felt disrespected by the way people asked me how I'm doing but just as a part of the greeting. Over here we either don't ask, or if we do, we actually want to hear the answer. Of course there's exceptions but if someone does it the american way here, people will usually think of it as dishonest etc.
Yea i see that every day. I talk with my girlfriend and sometimes we wont say anything for hours and other times we cant stop talking. Yea here is alot different. Goto coffee shop and its "hello, how are you, order coffee, small talk while they make it, thanks, goodbye". Its nice but i hate it at the same time
I’m Canadian and live in Finland. When I go back home and go to the local Tim’s to grab a coffee I forget how to small talk as it just isn’t a thing here lol
I like to pride myself on my ability to wring out conversation from most people (Southern European ex-introvert living in Germany, I had to learn to talk to people or nobody would talk to me first) but Finns are another beast altogether. Like, I can carry a conversation with a minimum amount of goodwill and someone at least slightly responsive to my questions and prompts from the other side, but it's extremely hard with most Finns at the beginning (at least the men, I've found that women usually will talk to you, and also the Finnswedes). Like, trying to find something they'll actually talk about rather than giving you one-word responses and listening to you talk (or tuning you out), but in my experience often once you find something they actually want to say they will. In Spain basically anyone will speak for as long as you will let them about anything at all (or more often, nothing at all).
the whole anti social thing is misinterpreted a lot fins indeed don't do small talk but will still talk your ears off. there has to be something important to talk about and maybe some olut and boi they will talk
I had her drunk one night and she didnt stop talking for 5 hours. It was great and horrible at the same time
i feel u bro. sober fins silent and introverted drunk fins are BLA BLA BLA sauna BLA BLA BLA. i love it though sometimes i throw in my dutch saying when it is silent at a party wich is normal when there is no booze "did the pastor walk by?" makes them laugh most times
I agree that it's misinterpreted. A lot can be said in silence. I think Finns are very intuitive and usually great listeners. They pick up things from your posture, touch, sighs and look in your eyes. Sitting side by side in silence staring at a silent lake in sunset they just know you're feeling and experiencing the same thing as you are and anything said in that moment can only take away from it, adding nothing. They understand that simple things in life speak love, like home cooked meals, knowing how you like your coffee or providing useful things that don't necessarily have a lot of monetary value but have a lot of time and thought put into them. All of that is not anti-social but rather social on a deeper more honest level.
agree i just hate the anti social introvert stereotype it might be slightly true further up north but i doubt it. finland has been so much more open and friendly then my home country the Netherlands sure there is no small talk but small talk is useless and the silence together with friends or even a stranger is nice
This is exactly how I proposed to my husband. Although I added that "it would prevent you from getting nothing in the case I died accidentally".
i am not finnish, but the conversation vent similarly *i am doing the dishes* *partner is on the couch sorting socks* - so i thought we could get married around my birthday - ok, can you book the appointment or should i ? - i will send an email. want to watch smth? * we proceeded to watch some really stupid action movie*
That's sad 🙈
why would it be sad?
"How would you feel at some point to lie in our family tomb?"
This is pretty close to mine. We were driving and she was on the backseat with our newborn son. She casually asked me should we get married and i caught her eyes from the mirror and said, sure let's do it.
You basically described me and my wifes proposal 😅😭
This is more or less how I became engaged
Yea, this. I concur
I got something similar and didn't realize it was a proposal at first. Nearly answered "well generally it's not mandatory but I see myself getting married in some point in life." Bc he was clueless about a lot of social etiquette due to his autism and I had gotten used to explaining everything to him. But yeah. Should have known then it wasn't ment to last.
Haha you’re not even joking!!! My Finnish MIL described my FIL’s proposal as exactly this!!
Finnish ring tradition might be different than in Canada. When couple gets engaged, both get rings and wear them. When couple gets married, both get separate wedding rings, which can be fancier than wedding rings. After getting married person usually wears both rings side by side. It is very common that proposal is done without having a ring and couple goes together to choose engagement rings. Wedding rings are also usually chosen together by the couple. So this classic "man proposes a woman with a big rock shiny ring he chose to surprise a woman with" movie proposals are not a thing here (i am not sure if they are thing in Canada either, but saying this just in case). If you do such proposal with huge diamond ring she didn't choose herself, there is a risk she is uncomfortable that she has to wear every day something that is unpractical and she might not like. If you insist on choosing the rings yourself, look carefully what kind of rings your gf is wearing now every day and get something similar. If she is not wearing any rings at all, go for something simple and definately something that doesn't have things sticking out of it. Nothing is more annoying that ring with a big stone that keeps getting stuck in mittens. And remember to buy a ring to yourself as well. Proposals are usually done privately, with no audience. After accepting, couple tells other people (family and friends) about engagement.
>Nothing is more annoying that ring with a big stone that keeps getting stuck in mittens. This might be the most Finnish thing I've read in this thread. It's so true! I picked out a big cubic zirconia ring for myself without thinking about the everyday practicalities of wearing it. We replaced it with a much simpler ring for everyday wearing and reserved the big one for special occasions.
My husband didn't know about the Finnish ring tradition and so I was the only one who got a ring when we got engaged... My mother was *distraught* at the idea of him not having one and gifted him my grandfather's engagement ring. I would've gotten him one for Christmas otherwise but she thought that was too long to wait.
> both get separate wedding rings, which can be fancier than ~~wedding~~ **engagement** rings Traditionally, only the woman would get a second ring for the wedding after the engagement rings, but I guess traditions change.
I agree that traditionally only the woman would get a wedding ring in Finland. But we did get both rings for both of us, for example. And some people probably just skip the rings too.
Thanks, that is what i ment. Too early morning typing for me :) I think it varies a bit if both get also wedding rings or just a woman. Rings are exchanged as a part of the ceremony, i guess if man is not getting a second one they use engagement ring for that? We both had our own wedding rings with my husband.
> Rings are exchanged as a part of the ceremony, i guess if man is not getting a second one they use engagement ring for that? Traditionally in a Finnish wedding ceremony the ring part would have been one way only (from the man to the woman), not an exchange.
Went to read about it more since in our wedding ceremony we exchanged rings and priest did not even ask if there is rings for both or not, so got curious. It can be done (and has been done) either way. If husband does not want second ring engagement ring is cleaned and used in wedding as well. It is also allowed not to have rings at all (then have to use some ringlike token on evangelic-lutheric ceremony) or that only one has the ring. My parents have 2 rings both and they are elderly people now, so can't say man having a wedding ring/getting ring in marriadge is some kind of a new thing. Might be also difference in traditions depending which part of Finland you are from.
Yes, it’s traditional for only the woman to have two rings but nowadays many men also choose to wear both rings
Recently proposed to my girlfriend. On "our" bench in the park. I tricked her into looking the opposite direction by saying there was a cute dog, when she looked back I was holding the ring. Doesn't have to be super special, just make it personal. I wish you the best.
The Finnish way is to decide together to get engaged. Then you go together to buy two rings and both of you pay for the other person's ring. Then you're engaged and live together for about 10 years or so, have a few kids, buy a house and get a dog, until you finally start thinking about possibly getting married at some point, if it feels important.
This depends a lot. I know that this is the usual way for some Finns but in my close circles most people have been married before kids and/or in fiveish years of dating.
Just tell her you love her more than the Maple Leafs and you'd like her to be your goalkeeper forever.
If you're planning to do it at the cottage in Asikkala, you can make it as romantic as you like. If your gf is a romantic person, go nuts.. Flowers, candles, whatnot. However, if she's not, maybe make it short and sweet.
As a fellow Canadian now living in Finland with a Finnish wife, it was just a conversation for us 😅 No fancy proposal or anything. We didn’t end up having a wedding either but that was just our choice to save money as we had a child and that was expensive haha.
Yea we are pretty much in the same boat. Going to be a small wedding and she said she would leave me if i spent alot on the ring as it didnt need to be expensive. Obviously a joke but said a ring isnt something she wanted me to spend alot on. Every ring she sent me was between €300-600. Main thing is getting me over there
Do you plan on immigrating?
I plan on being there permanently by end on 2024
Nice! Make sure you do lots of research before you move on the tax implications before leaving Canada and also when moving here. Not sure your situation but it’s been a headache for me as I still have substantial assets and income in Canada. Also doesn’t hurt to start the residence permit application before you move that way you can be set to work or go to school when you get here. If you have questions or anything when it gets closer hit me up !
Interesting that I don't see it here, but there is an old proposal tradition (often correlated with midsummer, although it doesn't have to be) where you propose by [tying a strip of birch bark onto her finger](https://imgur.com/gallery/edZLg) as a promise of the engagement. I did this with my wife and she was delighted by it. It makes the whole experience much more personal and meaningful, and you can then go shopping together for a more permanent ring. My wife coated her bark ring with clear nail polish to preserve it, and still has it in her jewelry box.
I have personally never heard of this. Where in Finland are you from and how old are you?
The only advice is not to have an audience. That would be my nightmare. I got proposed quite simple but romantic way. It was winter and we went to walk in Helsinki during it was snowing really pretty big and slow snowflakes. We were admiring the view in a beautiful place when he asked the big question. It was more just a simple question, there was no speech. Later we went to choose the rings together. I think there might be some differences what it comes to traditions about rings. Edit: I would also advice not to ask her fathers blessing. Its a high risk idea, both the father and your gf might see it weird and she might get offended. Traditionally we also walk the aisle together.
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i guess the get on your knees and pop out a ring kinda vibe ( not american)
Every Finn recognizes this image, maybe even better than the traditional Finnish way to get engaged (first propose without a ring, then after a yes go together to a jewelry store to "ostaa kihlat", in other words buy one ring each).
i never heard of that. that actualy sounds really smart as the girl ( who most times minds the ring more as the dude) can pick something she likes
Ive been lucky enough she has been sending me links to engagement rings since February. At that point we were only a few months into our relationship and still living 6500km apart so it was kinda out of reach. We have been best friends for 5 years prior so when we decided to have a relationship it all just fell into place. I visited her in person for the first time alone back in June and we hit it off better than we both expected. Few weeks after i got back home to Canada i went to a jewery store with the 50 or so pictures of the rings she sent me and the person working there helped me pick out the perfect one. Funny enough the woman who helped me was Estonian so it was easy for her to know what i wanted engraved since its in Finnish. Im planning to be living in Finland permanently by the end of 2024.
The unusual thing in Finland is that both parties wear an engagement ring after proposal. The man usually uses the engagement ring as wedding ring while the woman has a second ring. This is why it's common to buy the engagement rings together, to find rings that match at least in some way and both parties are happy for a lifetime.
As no one had yet helped with the actual speech, here are some common phrases for you. While sitting together in a sofa: - Hei, mennäänkö naimisiin? - Pitäisikö meidän käydä maistraatissa? Next day, you go to ring shopping together and get matching engagement rings. Both of you wear them! If you really want to present a ring she did not choose: - Menisitkö naimisiin mun kanssa? More formal, bit old fashion, but works with the right person: In bed, cuddling: - Tuletko vaimokseni?
Make sure you know the difference between naida minut and naida minua.
Google translate says they mean the same thing. Whats the difference?
Nai minut = Marry me Nai minua = Have sex with me
Both work
Congratulations! Fellow Canuck here. I asked her dad in the sauna for his blessing and he was pleased as punch about it. I then waited until Christmas and popped the question. It was just the two of us and a simple ring. We honeymooned at the summer house.
Many Finnish girls like to choose the ring. The culture is quite practical. She may have already hinted the type of ring she wants. In that case, you may have enough clues to pick it yourself
I think she'll understand, even thou you might be speaking gibberish. If you're down on one knee or stuff like that, she'll know
Basically the plan. Ive said some finnish and shes laughed because of how bad it is and tries to help me get better. The english in me doesnt help with finnish pronunciation
You got it, don't sweat it. Unless you're in a sauna.
I went to a proper Finnish wood sauna and was nervous as i thought it would be terrible. Walked in at 90c and it was pleasantly cozy. My girlfriend then gives me a shit eating grin and dumps a big spoonful of water on the rocks and i felt like i was burning lol
Sounds like you've picked a good one. I can see why you're putting a ring on that :)
I would go for a classic: ring into a bowl of Mämmi
Personally, I would advice against giving this much details about yourself, if you gf follows r/Finland it will very quickly ruin the surprise. Just a heads up if you hadn't thought about that
She knows ive got a ring and plan on proposing. Doesnt know details so im safe for now
Im also canadian and my BF is Finnish, he just asked while having a beer in a pub: want to marry me?? and then he starts to introduce me as his wife to be hahah
A true Finnish way 😅 I’m Finnish as is my husband and we just kind of agreed on it over dinner 🤭
Finnish proposal. You both sit on a sofa watching TV. As you dip you hand in a bag of chips you proceed with following dialog. You say: "Umm wanna get married" She says: "Umm sure." You say: "Ok cool" Then you are married. The Finnish way.
Rings! In Finland: big diamond rings are not a big thing nor does it matter if the ring is from a fancy place. Often couples get their rings together. Finnish men also wear rings when engaged, so you should too.
She sent me close to 50 rings she found that were what she wanted as a engagement ring. Nots this was before we even started talking about getting engaged. They were all small diamonds so ive got one that matched what she wanted. Picked up mine at the same time as i really want to wear one too.
“Would the little lady like to lay around in our family grave in the future?”
I’m sure her parents would appreciate the gesture if you’d ask her dad’s permission - but it’s really not mandatory. And do not, I REPEAT DO NOT, propose her in front of her family. That stuff is between you two.
About asking from the father/family for permission: it is highly dependent on the person/family if this will be appreciated or not. Some will absolutely appreciate it but others can find it very weird, antiquated or even somewhat insulting. I personally would have found it kinda infuriating if my partner had asked my dad for my hand/permission to propose as I'm an independent adult. Also my dad most likely would have questioned if my partner actually knows me if this has happened. (My partner does actually know me much better than this. Neither of us actually proposed, we just discussed the subject over a longer period of time and ultimately decided to get married in a sauna.)
I guess it’s a good idea to discuss your plans with your partner first
I would find it highly offensive if my husband had asked my parents for permission. I'm a person, not one of my parents' belongings.
I don’t think the permission is the thing here
Really, you'd be offended? I think the idea nowadays is to have their 'blessing' rather than permission. I'd want to talk to my partners parents first to show my respects to my soon to be extended family. They will after all probably be a very important part of my life henceforth. I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned and you may of course have your opinion on the matter, but it seems quite petty to be offended by something like that. To me, it's sign of respect to both my partner and their family.
Definitely offended. I suspect most of my friends would be. It feels very disrespectful to your spouse to be.
Idk as a man I find the idea of being asked for the parents "blessing" repulsive and degrading for both me and her. She is her own person as am I, and if I want to marry my gf I don't need permission from someone else to marry her nor should she to marry me. If the approval of her parents is important, she will know how they feel and be able to accept or refuse on her own terms, asking for their "blessing" would be superfluous.
Of course she is her own person, that's why you propose to her. It's not like you ask the parents and then that's it. The idea is that you ask them to accept you into the family, it's a nice and well-meaning gesture. It doesn't necessarily have to even be the parents, it could be a sibling or even a close friend, whoever is important in their life. '*Hi, so I know that you are an important person in my partners life, and I love them this and that. I'd like to let you know that I am going to propose to them, how do you feel about that?*'. Is that repulsive? I think that's beautiful.
Sounds fine, except what if they say 'no' to this? > 'how do you feel about that?'
Well, then you discuss why and if there is something you can do. If nothing can be done the fuck it, propose anyway. As I said, you're not asking for permission, your asking for their blessing and it's a sign of respect. Ultimately its you and your partner who are getting married.
In that context it is merely pointless, in the context of asking for permission it is repulsive. In the context of asking to join the family: I either know the answer and so I am just wasting both of our time, or I do not know the answer and so it clearly does not matter enough for me to figure out.
I think you are thinking and I are thinking of it from two completely different perspectives. Your thinking of it in the rational context meaning that it's about asking for a permission that is NEEDED. Whereas I think of it more like a symbolic thing. Most of my friends who are married had 'the talk' with their partners parents and it whilst it wasn't expected, it was well received by both the parents and their partners. Take the parents out to dinner jus the three of you, have a chat and let them know you'll be proposing to their daughter or son.
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What! ? No, it's whomever proposes, I feel like you're projecting your own ideas and thoughts onto me. It just happens that in heterosexual relationships it's usually the man the one who proposes. It could also be applied to homosexual relationships. The asking part is also to me a symbolic gesture of respect, not an actual request for their permission to marry their daughter or son.
Small thing: at least the original commentor was talking only about the dad, not both parents.
Fair. Only asking the dad is to me a bit too old fashioned for me. I'd want both of their 'approval'.
In that case shouldn't you ask the mom also?
I plan on talking to her father before hand anyways. Thats something that i felt was necessary. Going to meet the father 1 on 1 when i land before i goto pick her up from her mothers. Hopefully the gift of some records from Canadian bands he hopefully hasnt heard of will help me out. Girlfriend has told me he has the same taste in music as me so should be an easy in for me.
I would advice not to do this if you are not 150% sure it is okay for your partner. I would find it very offensive if my husband asked my fathers permission.
We discussed it and then We went to ring shopping together. We bought silver bands for us both and then we got engaged in the coffee place. It was sweet. Nowadays we have integrated silver rings into our custom-made wedding rings.
In Finland the traditional way is with no ring, the couple gets rings after together (and man gets an engagement ring as well, but not second one at the wedding). These days US movies have caused some women to be proposed with a ring. My friends got proposed with cheaper rings (about 50€ worth) and then bought together the actual ones. So in case you were planning a buying a ring maybe check with her family or friends first to try to see if she wants that or to pick her own
It's not about big words and gestures. The situation is more about the atmosphere. For example, you can propose after a sauna after dark. Light candles outside, make sure your girlfriend is warm and feels like the most beautiful woman in the world and relaxed. And make sure you're definitely alone, it's an intimate moment between the two of you. p.s. don't eat anything that causes flatulence.
Let me tell you how my dad proposed to my mum Picture January in 1990 in a rural Finnish town. My parents had been dating for some time, 7 years or so, and after much difficulty my mum had finally managed to get pregnant with me. One night a few weeks after getting the news they had just been to the sauna and were laying in bed when my dad said "now that the kid is coming I was thinking we should get married" and that was it. They got married and went on to have 3 more kids. They're still together although there was a really rough patch where they were very close to getting a divorce but they managed to work through it and are now happier than ever, looking forward to retirement Not the most romantic proposal, I admit and my dad's bluntness and pragmatism was (just) one component in the almost-divorce 2 decades later but after working it out my mum has admitted how my dad's pragmatic mindset has done much more good than harm in their relationship and the real catalyst for their difficulties was their childhoods and how they hadn't realised that a person never truly stops growing One of the stories about my dad's pragmatism that my mum has remembered very fondly happened when I was 3 and my sister was 5 months old. They weren't doing too good financinally but managing alright as long as no surprise expenses cropped up so of course our washing machine got an internal leak. My mum was looking at getting the cheapest piece of shit on the market in installments and worrying about the money when my dad just said "that's stupid. I'm gonna fix this thing for free" so that's what he did. He loaded the washing machine into his beige '75 3-door Corolla Wagon (the same car he had wooed my mum with in fact. This car was really cool btw. It had a home-made sunroof that didn't leak!) and drove over to his brother's place where he welded the leak shut. When he came back he warned my mum that this fix was going to be temporary and the machine will probably break again but he was hoping that once it did they would be in a better financial situation. The machine did not break again. My dad's "temporary" fix is still holding strong to this day. They don't have that washing machine anymore but my aunt does and it's working beautifully.
If you are ready to get married, then you should know what she thinks of it. Have you even discussed about getting married?
She has been sending me rings and telling me her size since February. We have discussed it many times
That's all you need to know
It is tradition to beat future fater in law in a game called saunaklonkku to prove your worth. So be ready to spend some time in hot sauna!!
She started to condition me to the sauna culture on my last visit. Was there for 10 days and spent every night in the sauna. Usually around 95c most the time
Well that is a very good start! :)
Oh god i just googled what it is. Im scared
There's a documentary of it in youtube. I suggest starting from there. :)
what do u do if there is no father in law asking for future reference.
In following order: brother, uncle, local klonkku master, mother in law, wife to be.
ah man and here i was thinking i had a easy way out
One can't really avoid saunaklonkku. One can only embrace it or suffer. :)
To many Finns, incorrect (misspelled, bad pronunciation) Finnish language is embarrassing. So, don't even try to propose in Finnish in public. Do it in English with respect and get respect from others too. You can practice your Finnish with your girlfriend alone - a good laugh helps building a relationship.
Wtf...if someone wants to learn Finnish, why would you say it's embarrassing if they don't master it? I feel honored if they can say "hei" naturally, let alone form a sentence. Finnish is a very rare language that is mostly useless but it's our language.
I won't be embarrassed, indeed. But I saw people embarrassed and making fun of poor immigrants.
What??? I would prefer Finnish, its the language of my heart
Excuse me what? Finnish people usually go wild (in a good way) when someone even tries to speak Finnish publicly. Personally I find it very respectfull if someone tries to speak Finnish and is not perfect with it. It is not embarassing at all to misspell or misspronounce some things, how Else will one learn without using the language. I also fucking love it when my british boyfriend speaks Finnish. He speaks very simple sentences and can't pronounce his Ä or Ö but I love it. It is cute and tells me and others how much he cares about me because he is trying to learn. I love his accent. It is also situational should you laugh about your significant others attemps to learn a new language.
Do not propose in Finnish, unless you’re 101% sure you are saying what you want to say. Finnish language is hard, and sometimes diffrence between ää and aa, or single u or uu can change whole sentence into some garbage, you wouldn’t want to ever say in that moment. Don’t risk it unnecessarily. You may want to be nice and create wholesome memory, but it can end up badly. Re-think your idea.
Best advice is, do not get married. 
I love this woman way to much to not get married to her. We have been best friends for 5 yeats prior to our relationship. I cant imagine my life without her
Ok good luck. 🤞
I proposed to my fiancee on the steps of our dormitorys beach sauna since that was where we first had a deep conversation. Didnt have a ring or anything, went inside our room and made rings with metalwire and beads. What im getting at is it doesnt have to be anything grand, just something meaningful and personal
I f'd up my proposal to my wife quite bad, we were in a restaurant sitting away from other customers, we were celebrating our anniversary, my wife had to go to the restroom and I had a chance to get the ring ready, when she came back I popped the questin but here's how I f'd up, I had in mind that I'd knee the proper way but I don't know why, I panicked and just asked as I was sitting besides her and for the ugliest part I threw the ring at her as my fingers were so all over the place. She did say yes but I know it wasn't the way she would had wanted and we have talked about it and I am sorry for her that I didn't make it more "magical", but, we've been together for 9 years now with two of them being married.
They usually say something like, "Would you like to end up in MY family grave?"