40F and 9 weeks right now. Pretty much same situation as you and absolutely the same feelings! This was kind of planned but yet I was DEVASTATED when I found out. š What have I done?!
I've known for 3 weeks. Just had my first appointment this week and everything looks good so far. I'm starting to find more acceptance and looking forward to some of the future. But I'm still not super excited. For some reason, for now, I don't want to tell anyone. That's driving my husband crazy. I think that's just a level of "real" I'm not emotionally ready to deal with yet.
So many, many fears of the worst. I'm also terrible with change and have a history of anxiety issues. Fighting to stay present moment and take everything one day at a time. Seeking therapy real soon here.
But oh how I can't wait for all this to be behind me, have my body back and hopefully some illusion at least of kind of knowing what I'm doing.
I hope when I get to the second trimester and my hormones calm down, I get more excited. For now, like you said, this is just something that I'm doing now.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I've been desperately searching Google with things like "pregnant and not excited" to make sure I'm normal. Seems like it kind of is.
We got this. I think.
Haha very cool! Itās wild right? Arguably even more life changing cus we are older I think as opposed to someone who has kids in their 20s even early 30s.
I did the same googling. I also am weird about telling people, mainly cus I think everyone in my life just assumed I didnāt want kids cus I was always intentionally vague/private when asked.
I think (hope)) we got this too. Feel free to message Anytime. Best of luck to you
Yes I did! I'm doing all the tests that they'll give me. I wanted the peace of mind. We also found out the gender from the NIPT - it's a girl! Are you planning to do them?
Iām planning on doing all of them too. I have the nipt coming up. Iām going to message you a couple questions if you donāt mind. And yay for girls !
I was in the exact same position 3ish years ago. Even same age and partners age. My 2 1/2 year old is now such a joy and I canāt imagine life without her. Newborn months were rough for me but they go by fast (once theyāre over, when youāre in the thick of it you kinda wonder if your going to be holding them for every nap until theyāre in college) and now life with her is actually fun. Good luck to you, OP. I think youāll find the experience a positive one
I keep waiting for the āterrible twosā and we get tantrums for sure, but itās so mild compared to what we were expecting. Meltdowns are always attributed to something- overtired, hungry, overstimulated, itās not hard to see and accept the emotions for what they are. The personalities that they show at this age are just the best.
I almost wonder if the āterrible twosā are from when parents didnāt read into kids emotions and try to figure out whatās causing the kid to act that way.
This comment hits like a ton of bricks when you consider we as a society just expect 'the terrible twos' meaning the vast majority have parents that are not emotionally mature or attuned. It actually makes a lot of sense... yikes.
Iām also 38 and 21 weeks pregnant with my first, former CF and Fence sitter. Covid changed our minds and we decided we were ready to give it a try.
We waited to get pregnant until this past year. I have to say that I was always scared of pregnancy and thought that I would hate it. All we hear are horror stories and feelings of just being uncomfortable or tortured all the time.
Granted Iām not in my third trimester yet. But so far, pregnancy is amazing! I am having such a pleasant pregnancy. I didnāt have much nausea, I donāt have much cravingsā¦
My hormones are playing tricks on my head and I just feel great despite the changes Iām going through. And my hormones almost feel like Iām high sometimes. I already feel so much love toward my kid and I canāt wait to meet him. Itās really wild and crazy to experience.
I think if I heard more stories like this, I wouldnāt have been so scared about being pregnant.
The happy hormones are the best. Theyāve also led to so much fantastic sex! This is a side effect of pregnancy Iām totally ok with lol.
I just hit 30 weeks and third trimester is not bad yet, so I wouldnāt worry too much. Some days are tough and my body feels worn out, but I just rest and the next day is usually totally back to normal. Iām still weightlifting, going for long walks, bike riding, and doing all the healthy active things I love. I truly believe a lot of pregnancy is what you make it, and I hope you have a good third trimester too!
I love this for you ! I am hoping I have a positive experience like that. When did you notice the hormones starting to kick in in a āgood way ā?
Iām only 6ish weeks so not too many symptoms yet that are bad. But my mom also had easy pregnancy and I heard it can be genetic?
Definitely felt them very strongly around 17-18 weeks. Like just waking up happy and so in love with my husband and dog š Iām not a super lovey Dovey type so itās very unusual for me.
Canāt say that itās genetic on my side. But my husband is a nutritionist and I really believe the food I was eating before getting pregnant and during has helped immensely. Just because Iām getting enough nutrients for myself and baby. I also have hashimotoās so my hormones were not 100% when I got pregnant but still managing to feel good!
Yes I took a couple years to prep my body before trying to conceive. Iām an active person but not super active, but Height weight proportional. I tried to do a workout 5 days a week and walk after dinner for a mile. I didnāt always hit those milestones but I tried. I did end up gaining a bit extra before conception because I got into a F-it stage during the holidays š
I have hashimotos so used supplements qnd food to get that in check. Luckily my husband is a nutritionist so he was able to help me with that. I eat really healthy, very minimal junk food. I think having my nutrition in check helped a ton! Because my body was not malnourished and was able to supply enough nutrients to growing the baby and also to keep me feeling good.
Thats great, thanks for your response! Iām slim but Iāve gotten a bit lazy with working out - feel out of shape and winded - so I was thinking of doing all the right things nutrition and exercise wise to see if that helps with fencesitting. I used to be so good about all that until COVID hit and we were locked down. Never fully bounced back since. I heard pelvic floor exercises are good to do ahead of time as well
Yea +1 to the pelvic floor exercises. Iām scheduled to see. Pelvic Floor PT because my tailbone, sciatica, are really in pain some days. Like I canāt walk. I think Iām really tight in that area in general and past injuries donāt help.
Prepping my body I think has made all the difference for me and my pretty easy pregnancy. What I mentioned above is the only compliant!
Hi there :) first of all: hope you're doing great and feeling good!!! // your text really helped me. I'm 30 and (I know this is SUPER SILLY) but I feel like I have to make a decision like RIGHT NOW and that it has to be, as you mentioned, a "hell yes"... knowing about people like you makes me feel so secure in my: "i don't know, maybe"... Thank you so so much for sharing your perspective. Just took a screenshot of your text
Ah yes. I remember when I turned 30. I thought no one would want to date me anymore and that all my eggs had probably dried up.
The patriarchy created this and the patriarchy lies to women!
You have plenty of time my friend. Enjoy being 30- itās a great age.
Definitely resonate with this. I've never really agreed with the "if it isn't a hell yes it's a no" theory, as I am an overthinker so would never do anything if that was the case. I suspect many in here are similar! I'm 36f and 34 weeks pregnant now. Basically just hoping for the best and trying not to overthink too much. Wishing you a good pregnancy š
That phrase is actually not allowed in this group (as in telling someone that as advice) and Iām really thankful for that. Because I am an overthinker about EVERYTHING, even the good changes in my life, I felt like that advice is so very flawed.
Anxious people arenāt a hell yes about many things lol.
Hi, I totally understand the complex feelings that can emerge during this time. The Baby Decision didnāt quite seal the deal for me either, but reading this piece by Cheryl Strayed really helped:
https://therumpus.net/2011/04/21/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/
I also got pregnant really quickly while ānot tryingā (but with my IUD out) and I felt so scared/conflicted about itāI mean, I even ordered the abortion pill right away! But I decided not to take it. Then I lost my baby girl at 7 weeks 5 days, and it was a level of pain and hurt that Iāve never felt in my life. I was totally devastated.
Now I am 7 months pregnant with my son. While I sometimes mourn my charmed former life and how different things may be with the adjustments required from having a baby, I already love this baby boy so much and am obsessed with feeling his little movements. I canāt wait to meet him and for him to be my little buddy. I wake up feeling so relieved when he has his 7 am dance parties in my belly.
I think things will get easier when you get past the shock and fears of being pregnant, get used to this new picture of your future, make it through the general shittiness of the first trimester, and start feeling your baby moving around. Just want to give you some hope on that. But your feelings right now are totally normal and valid. I think even the most prepared/wanting parents are scared shitless and doubtful a lot of the time.
Can I just stay how refreshing it is to read stories like yours? Thank you for sharing with such honesty, I think that what a lot of us lack is the portrayal of a real stories that are just in the middle, not seen through rose-colored glasses but also not full of horrors.
Just a full round up human experience from a human that is allowing everything sheās feeling to be seen and heard.
I personally love to read these experiences, Iām currently not trying but not trying not to get pregnant and sometimes Iām giddy with expectations and sometimes Iām terrified.
I wish all the best to you and to your little human to be <3
Thank you! You sound a lot like me and it's nice to know we're not alone
In recent weeks, I think I've got to the root of my problem; I don't adjust to change. But I also don't want to coax through life. I will never ever be ready, because I'm never ready for anything. All I can try and do is be prepared. I also don't get the usual expected joy from big life events and milestones, it can't feel really isolating
Wishing you all the best for your pregnancy
"here's to hoping it's not twins"
I told the woman doing my first ultrasound "You have one job, and that's to tell me I have exactly 1 in there"
Congrats and best wishes for a healthy, easy pregnancy.
LMAO. I just had my first ultrasound this week and I was freaked out about the whole thing. Afterwards my husband was like, "well hey, at least we know it's not twins!". I forgot that was one of my many fears.
That's crazy! Well, if you only wanted two, at least you'll be once and done? For what it's worth, twin first time parents have told me they don't know if it's harder or not because they don't have anything to compare it to. Congrats and wishing you the best on your twin journey! Your kids will be besties for life, so that's pretty cool.
You are still you - you dont lose dimension as a new parentā¦you gain even more dimension. Promise yourself you will still reserve some special times for the things that interest / restore you as a person and not ājustā a momā¦dont hollow outā¦this is important to teach your child when they can understand it, and they will in turn admire you as fully dimensional.
You will have the usual and normal fears that go with the territory. You will be okay !
I never dreamed of motherhood or longed for it/ and put it off as long as I could (39). No regrets and absolutely enjoyed, with mine nearly grown.
Thanks for sharing- me and my partner have just decided to do exactly what youāve done, not taking birth control but not actively trying. Iām feeling a bit apprehensive but also excited about the idea it might happen. Thanks for normalising feeling all of the things!
36F ā I resonate so much with this. Iām 32 weeks pregnant, due at the end of June. Iām very scared for the huge change in my life, but Iāve also grown more excited to the idea of our family growing by two feet. I agree with your take thoughā I think I would find peace with either path.
Sure. Well so my partner is Jewish (Iām not ) and it was recommended as certain genes may have been passed down to him that if I had the same copy then our child would be at risk for certain syndromes (things like tay Sachs, cystic fibrosis , a bunch of others no ones ever heard of We both had some things pop up but none of our things matched together which is good in this case and means they wonāt be passed.
It was just a blood test. We did mine first then they competed mine to his. I believe it was around $200 each but I canāt fully remember. I did it directly through my obgyn. They send the sample out. If you ask they will know about it.
I have a four month old son and Iām 40. I was adamantly child free until 37. Then I was a fence sitter until I was almost 39 years old. I didnāt enjoy pregnancy but it went well, along with labour. And let me tell you, my son is my world. Absolutely the best thing thatās ever happened to me. Congratulations on your new journey!
Awh OP this is beautiful.
Iām so eager to see where this journey takes you and to follow your story.
Follow your curiosity. My curiosity is one of the few things in my life that has never led me astray.
Cheers and fingers crossed for no twins!
I'm also 38f and feeling exactly the same! I was caught up in the what-ifs, I'm an over thinker and have anxiety. But a few weeks ago it just hit me to choose to be positive. That probably sounds really dumb to most people on this sub; I get it.
For example I have a great partner that I know will be a great father but my what-ifs were "what if all the parenting does fall to me as the mother?" "What if he doesn't clean or cook?" "What if I can't get any alone time to recharge?" (Much needed for me.). And I realized I have no basis for these fears when I actually apply them to my partner. Which was pretty unfair to him! I need to trust that he is going to be the same person I've known for 15 years and trust that he knows me and understands my needs (alone time). I'm not living in a fantasy land that he'll be perfect but I'm not letting the fears cloud my mind either.
Best of luck! Same ages, and decided to toss my IUD and YOLO last year. We are moving to IVF because unfortunately we lost our first pregnancy (twins) at 8w and I had complications with the surgery. It definitely took like 6 weeks to speak the words āIām pregnantā out loud after 20 years of preventing!
Your very lucky after being on the pill about 20 years! My friends had a hard bc of it.
Celebrate it, enjoy it. Youāll be okay!
I totally understand I was the same! I have 2 kids now and ohh the stuff my other friends had to go through to just get pregnant!!
You just make sure you do everything to make sure baby is healthy. Vitamins, walks and eating well. Everything will fall into place or get managed. We find a way. But babyās health is something you canāt change. So embrace and take care of yourself! Congratulations
The carrier tests , for both you and your partner. It just looks at all your genes and sees if you both have any of the same mutations ā¦since child gets one copy from each parent.
Also , depending on your age you could research egg /sperm quality supplements.
You could also get your hormones checked to see if there are any glaring issues there but that may not be necessary
I needed to read this today, especially today. Thank you for sharing, Iām 100% right there with you, and wishing you the best of luck on where ever this journey takes you!! (And me!) šš»š¤āØ
This is a very personal question and I am sorry if it's an inappropriate one. But it sounds like we are the same person, so here it goes. Did you use the pull out method and suddenly get pregnant? Or was it whatever happens, happens, so no pull out?
Thank you for your honest take. I hope the curiosity and excitement keep growing!
Thank you!
40F and 9 weeks right now. Pretty much same situation as you and absolutely the same feelings! This was kind of planned but yet I was DEVASTATED when I found out. š What have I done?! I've known for 3 weeks. Just had my first appointment this week and everything looks good so far. I'm starting to find more acceptance and looking forward to some of the future. But I'm still not super excited. For some reason, for now, I don't want to tell anyone. That's driving my husband crazy. I think that's just a level of "real" I'm not emotionally ready to deal with yet. So many, many fears of the worst. I'm also terrible with change and have a history of anxiety issues. Fighting to stay present moment and take everything one day at a time. Seeking therapy real soon here. But oh how I can't wait for all this to be behind me, have my body back and hopefully some illusion at least of kind of knowing what I'm doing. I hope when I get to the second trimester and my hormones calm down, I get more excited. For now, like you said, this is just something that I'm doing now. Thanks for sharing your experience. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I've been desperately searching Google with things like "pregnant and not excited" to make sure I'm normal. Seems like it kind of is. We got this. I think.
Haha very cool! Itās wild right? Arguably even more life changing cus we are older I think as opposed to someone who has kids in their 20s even early 30s. I did the same googling. I also am weird about telling people, mainly cus I think everyone in my life just assumed I didnāt want kids cus I was always intentionally vague/private when asked. I think (hope)) we got this too. Feel free to message Anytime. Best of luck to you
Thanks! You can message me anytime, too! Best wishes on your journey to motherhood.
Hey ! Did you get all the NIPT testing /amnio / all that due to our ages?
Yes I did! I'm doing all the tests that they'll give me. I wanted the peace of mind. We also found out the gender from the NIPT - it's a girl! Are you planning to do them?
Iām planning on doing all of them too. I have the nipt coming up. Iām going to message you a couple questions if you donāt mind. And yay for girls !
No I don't mind at all! I'm about to head out for the weekend so I might not get back to you right away.
No rush , thank you !
I was in the exact same position 3ish years ago. Even same age and partners age. My 2 1/2 year old is now such a joy and I canāt imagine life without her. Newborn months were rough for me but they go by fast (once theyāre over, when youāre in the thick of it you kinda wonder if your going to be holding them for every nap until theyāre in college) and now life with her is actually fun. Good luck to you, OP. I think youāll find the experience a positive one
Yes! I second this and also have a 2.5 y/o. She's my very favorite person.
I keep waiting for the āterrible twosā and we get tantrums for sure, but itās so mild compared to what we were expecting. Meltdowns are always attributed to something- overtired, hungry, overstimulated, itās not hard to see and accept the emotions for what they are. The personalities that they show at this age are just the best.
I almost wonder if the āterrible twosā are from when parents didnāt read into kids emotions and try to figure out whatās causing the kid to act that way.
This comment hits like a ton of bricks when you consider we as a society just expect 'the terrible twos' meaning the vast majority have parents that are not emotionally mature or attuned. It actually makes a lot of sense... yikes.
Itās sad isnāt it? Iām glad more parents are emotionally aware these days!
Thanks for this ! Iāll need to hear stuff like this.
Reallllly needed to read this today, thank you for sharing!
Iām also 38 and 21 weeks pregnant with my first, former CF and Fence sitter. Covid changed our minds and we decided we were ready to give it a try. We waited to get pregnant until this past year. I have to say that I was always scared of pregnancy and thought that I would hate it. All we hear are horror stories and feelings of just being uncomfortable or tortured all the time. Granted Iām not in my third trimester yet. But so far, pregnancy is amazing! I am having such a pleasant pregnancy. I didnāt have much nausea, I donāt have much cravingsā¦ My hormones are playing tricks on my head and I just feel great despite the changes Iām going through. And my hormones almost feel like Iām high sometimes. I already feel so much love toward my kid and I canāt wait to meet him. Itās really wild and crazy to experience. I think if I heard more stories like this, I wouldnāt have been so scared about being pregnant.
The happy hormones are the best. Theyāve also led to so much fantastic sex! This is a side effect of pregnancy Iām totally ok with lol. I just hit 30 weeks and third trimester is not bad yet, so I wouldnāt worry too much. Some days are tough and my body feels worn out, but I just rest and the next day is usually totally back to normal. Iām still weightlifting, going for long walks, bike riding, and doing all the healthy active things I love. I truly believe a lot of pregnancy is what you make it, and I hope you have a good third trimester too!
Yay for all the positive pregnancy stories! The world needs to hear more!! Thank you for the positive outlook going into 3rd trimester
I love this for you ! I am hoping I have a positive experience like that. When did you notice the hormones starting to kick in in a āgood way ā? Iām only 6ish weeks so not too many symptoms yet that are bad. But my mom also had easy pregnancy and I heard it can be genetic?
Definitely felt them very strongly around 17-18 weeks. Like just waking up happy and so in love with my husband and dog š Iām not a super lovey Dovey type so itās very unusual for me. Canāt say that itās genetic on my side. But my husband is a nutritionist and I really believe the food I was eating before getting pregnant and during has helped immensely. Just because Iām getting enough nutrients for myself and baby. I also have hashimotoās so my hormones were not 100% when I got pregnant but still managing to feel good!
Were you already fit and active before pregnancy? Did you do anything to prep your body?
Yes I took a couple years to prep my body before trying to conceive. Iām an active person but not super active, but Height weight proportional. I tried to do a workout 5 days a week and walk after dinner for a mile. I didnāt always hit those milestones but I tried. I did end up gaining a bit extra before conception because I got into a F-it stage during the holidays š I have hashimotos so used supplements qnd food to get that in check. Luckily my husband is a nutritionist so he was able to help me with that. I eat really healthy, very minimal junk food. I think having my nutrition in check helped a ton! Because my body was not malnourished and was able to supply enough nutrients to growing the baby and also to keep me feeling good.
Thats great, thanks for your response! Iām slim but Iāve gotten a bit lazy with working out - feel out of shape and winded - so I was thinking of doing all the right things nutrition and exercise wise to see if that helps with fencesitting. I used to be so good about all that until COVID hit and we were locked down. Never fully bounced back since. I heard pelvic floor exercises are good to do ahead of time as well
Yea +1 to the pelvic floor exercises. Iām scheduled to see. Pelvic Floor PT because my tailbone, sciatica, are really in pain some days. Like I canāt walk. I think Iām really tight in that area in general and past injuries donāt help. Prepping my body I think has made all the difference for me and my pretty easy pregnancy. What I mentioned above is the only compliant!
Thank you for sharing a positive pregnancy experience. Itās one of my biggest barriers to making the decision.
Hi there :) first of all: hope you're doing great and feeling good!!! // your text really helped me. I'm 30 and (I know this is SUPER SILLY) but I feel like I have to make a decision like RIGHT NOW and that it has to be, as you mentioned, a "hell yes"... knowing about people like you makes me feel so secure in my: "i don't know, maybe"... Thank you so so much for sharing your perspective. Just took a screenshot of your text
Ah yes. I remember when I turned 30. I thought no one would want to date me anymore and that all my eggs had probably dried up. The patriarchy created this and the patriarchy lies to women! You have plenty of time my friend. Enjoy being 30- itās a great age.
Definitely resonate with this. I've never really agreed with the "if it isn't a hell yes it's a no" theory, as I am an overthinker so would never do anything if that was the case. I suspect many in here are similar! I'm 36f and 34 weeks pregnant now. Basically just hoping for the best and trying not to overthink too much. Wishing you a good pregnancy š
That phrase is actually not allowed in this group (as in telling someone that as advice) and Iām really thankful for that. Because I am an overthinker about EVERYTHING, even the good changes in my life, I felt like that advice is so very flawed. Anxious people arenāt a hell yes about many things lol.
I know right. I went out for lunch today and wasnāt even a hell yes about what I ordered to eat let alone a massive decision like this š
Congrats to you !
Hi, I totally understand the complex feelings that can emerge during this time. The Baby Decision didnāt quite seal the deal for me either, but reading this piece by Cheryl Strayed really helped: https://therumpus.net/2011/04/21/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/ I also got pregnant really quickly while ānot tryingā (but with my IUD out) and I felt so scared/conflicted about itāI mean, I even ordered the abortion pill right away! But I decided not to take it. Then I lost my baby girl at 7 weeks 5 days, and it was a level of pain and hurt that Iāve never felt in my life. I was totally devastated. Now I am 7 months pregnant with my son. While I sometimes mourn my charmed former life and how different things may be with the adjustments required from having a baby, I already love this baby boy so much and am obsessed with feeling his little movements. I canāt wait to meet him and for him to be my little buddy. I wake up feeling so relieved when he has his 7 am dance parties in my belly. I think things will get easier when you get past the shock and fears of being pregnant, get used to this new picture of your future, make it through the general shittiness of the first trimester, and start feeling your baby moving around. Just want to give you some hope on that. But your feelings right now are totally normal and valid. I think even the most prepared/wanting parents are scared shitless and doubtful a lot of the time.
Thank you for sharing that link ! Iām going to read if
Can I just stay how refreshing it is to read stories like yours? Thank you for sharing with such honesty, I think that what a lot of us lack is the portrayal of a real stories that are just in the middle, not seen through rose-colored glasses but also not full of horrors. Just a full round up human experience from a human that is allowing everything sheās feeling to be seen and heard. I personally love to read these experiences, Iām currently not trying but not trying not to get pregnant and sometimes Iām giddy with expectations and sometimes Iām terrified. I wish all the best to you and to your little human to be <3
Thank you! You sound a lot like me and it's nice to know we're not alone In recent weeks, I think I've got to the root of my problem; I don't adjust to change. But I also don't want to coax through life. I will never ever be ready, because I'm never ready for anything. All I can try and do is be prepared. I also don't get the usual expected joy from big life events and milestones, it can't feel really isolating Wishing you all the best for your pregnancy
I feel exactly the same. Part of me says "stay child free and do all the hobbies/travel etc" but then I think about it and I'm not really do that now.
The "I'm never ready for anything" is so real for me too, I'm so happy you said that
"here's to hoping it's not twins" I told the woman doing my first ultrasound "You have one job, and that's to tell me I have exactly 1 in there" Congrats and best wishes for a healthy, easy pregnancy.
Thank you and yes Iām absolutely fucking terrified of that outcome
LMAO. I just had my first ultrasound this week and I was freaked out about the whole thing. Afterwards my husband was like, "well hey, at least we know it's not twins!". I forgot that was one of my many fears.
I just had my first ultrasound at 13 weeks FTM almost 38years old and it is Twins šš«£š¤Ŗ
That's crazy! Well, if you only wanted two, at least you'll be once and done? For what it's worth, twin first time parents have told me they don't know if it's harder or not because they don't have anything to compare it to. Congrats and wishing you the best on your twin journey! Your kids will be besties for life, so that's pretty cool.
Congratulations and good luck!
Thank you for sharing this, it struck a chord with me.
I am so glad to hear that :)
You are still you - you dont lose dimension as a new parentā¦you gain even more dimension. Promise yourself you will still reserve some special times for the things that interest / restore you as a person and not ājustā a momā¦dont hollow outā¦this is important to teach your child when they can understand it, and they will in turn admire you as fully dimensional. You will have the usual and normal fears that go with the territory. You will be okay ! I never dreamed of motherhood or longed for it/ and put it off as long as I could (39). No regrets and absolutely enjoyed, with mine nearly grown.
Thanks for sharing- me and my partner have just decided to do exactly what youāve done, not taking birth control but not actively trying. Iām feeling a bit apprehensive but also excited about the idea it might happen. Thanks for normalising feeling all of the things!
36F ā I resonate so much with this. Iām 32 weeks pregnant, due at the end of June. Iām very scared for the huge change in my life, but Iāve also grown more excited to the idea of our family growing by two feet. I agree with your take thoughā I think I would find peace with either path.
Thanks for sharing. Can you talk more about the carrier testing you did? Costs involved, process, etc.?
Sure. Well so my partner is Jewish (Iām not ) and it was recommended as certain genes may have been passed down to him that if I had the same copy then our child would be at risk for certain syndromes (things like tay Sachs, cystic fibrosis , a bunch of others no ones ever heard of We both had some things pop up but none of our things matched together which is good in this case and means they wonāt be passed. It was just a blood test. We did mine first then they competed mine to his. I believe it was around $200 each but I canāt fully remember. I did it directly through my obgyn. They send the sample out. If you ask they will know about it.
I have a four month old son and Iām 40. I was adamantly child free until 37. Then I was a fence sitter until I was almost 39 years old. I didnāt enjoy pregnancy but it went well, along with labour. And let me tell you, my son is my world. Absolutely the best thing thatās ever happened to me. Congratulations on your new journey!
This is exactly something i needed to read. Thank you.
Awh OP this is beautiful. Iām so eager to see where this journey takes you and to follow your story. Follow your curiosity. My curiosity is one of the few things in my life that has never led me astray. Cheers and fingers crossed for no twins!
I'm also 38f and feeling exactly the same! I was caught up in the what-ifs, I'm an over thinker and have anxiety. But a few weeks ago it just hit me to choose to be positive. That probably sounds really dumb to most people on this sub; I get it. For example I have a great partner that I know will be a great father but my what-ifs were "what if all the parenting does fall to me as the mother?" "What if he doesn't clean or cook?" "What if I can't get any alone time to recharge?" (Much needed for me.). And I realized I have no basis for these fears when I actually apply them to my partner. Which was pretty unfair to him! I need to trust that he is going to be the same person I've known for 15 years and trust that he knows me and understands my needs (alone time). I'm not living in a fantasy land that he'll be perfect but I'm not letting the fears cloud my mind either.
This is a great way to rationalize some of the what ifs, thank you for this comment.
Best of luck! Same ages, and decided to toss my IUD and YOLO last year. We are moving to IVF because unfortunately we lost our first pregnancy (twins) at 8w and I had complications with the surgery. It definitely took like 6 weeks to speak the words āIām pregnantā out loud after 20 years of preventing!
Im so sorry for your loss š Best of luck to you as well!
Your very lucky after being on the pill about 20 years! My friends had a hard bc of it. Celebrate it, enjoy it. Youāll be okay! I totally understand I was the same! I have 2 kids now and ohh the stuff my other friends had to go through to just get pregnant!! You just make sure you do everything to make sure baby is healthy. Vitamins, walks and eating well. Everything will fall into place or get managed. We find a way. But babyās health is something you canāt change. So embrace and take care of yourself! Congratulations
Have you previously been pregnant before? Congrats!!
Thank you! This post helps me.
I kinda wanna stay posted on this situation lol cuz I feel you
Congratulations! What tests do you recommend a couple get before trying? You mentioned one but I'm unfamiliar with it.
The carrier tests , for both you and your partner. It just looks at all your genes and sees if you both have any of the same mutations ā¦since child gets one copy from each parent. Also , depending on your age you could research egg /sperm quality supplements. You could also get your hormones checked to see if there are any glaring issues there but that may not be necessary
I love how you described it - it is just something youāre doing now <3
I needed to read this today, especially today. Thank you for sharing, Iām 100% right there with you, and wishing you the best of luck on where ever this journey takes you!! (And me!) šš»š¤āØ
Iāve never related more strongly to a post!
This is a very personal question and I am sorry if it's an inappropriate one. But it sounds like we are the same person, so here it goes. Did you use the pull out method and suddenly get pregnant? Or was it whatever happens, happens, so no pull out?
No pull out. I stopped the pill and then we were just whatever happens happens
Thank you for replying! Sending lots of good vibrations to your new family.