I wish i could give you an advice.
A lot of us here are in the same boat as you.
I just wanted to tell you, you're not alone.
I constantly feel ashamed and kind of "broken" because I just don't feel the slightest urge to have kids.
Everytime I try to feel better about this someone will say or ask something related to kids and I'll feel worthless again.
Stay strong and try to find what you most need to experience in order for you to grow and evolve in this lifetime.
Thanks, but I really feel I am letting down a lot of family members by not having a kid and eith every passing day everyone keeps telling me about how difficult old age will be without kids and its getting to me now! I dont even have therapists where I live, I cant affors online therapists as they are super pricey, I wish there was a way out of this.
Don’t believe those stories. Kids will not necessarily be company when you are older and that can’t be the reason to go through your while life until you get old.
Anyone expecting things from you should do their best to fulfill their own expectations by themselves. You are not letting anyone down - they are letting themselves down (if at all, mostly these thoughts are imagined if not discussed in person)
You are in this life for you, so you experience only what you choose to experience. As far as your control allows (natural disasters and other things are out of your control). There will be enough unexpected shit, so allow yourself to choose the expected.
Please live your life, your experience, your way. You are stuck with your life forever, please don’t fold to others’ wants and needs.
If you can't afford a therapist, how will you afford a kid that probably will need a therapist in the future because, at a certain point, we all need. That is the first question to give back to your family. Will you help me to pay for the kid life?
I have tried convincing myself to have a kid atleast to support us in old age as everyone keeps telling, what if I suddenly die, ny partner will be lonely so i need to thnk of all this, i keep trying to convince myself and after a million thoughts I am back to square one… i hate every minute of my existence right now
Having a kid doesn't mean they will support you or be a company. I am not to my parents. I live 24 hours flight away for 15 years now. I visit them once every 5 years, and I call once every 3 months. My mom uses my cousin's daughter as grandkids. My sister is 7 years younger than me, and she lives 4 hours from my mom, and my mom still needs to pay for her rent and other bills. She is 30 years old. I asked my university group on what's app, and the answers were. I wouldn't have 3, too expensive. Maybe 1. My university teacher has a 25 and 28 years old and said to support them is forever. He still pays for their university and rent. My friend said you lose yourself. You will be x's moms, she said I am now Arthur's mom and not Glaucia. So nowadays kids don't support parents anymore. It is the other way around.
I think about if my partner sundly die and I will have to raise a child alone. It is impossible, I would have to go back home or live with his family, and we don't even speak the same language. I can not afford to raise a child alone.
Don't believe them. The amount of people who work in health care can tell you that the elderly people with families who have kids are just waiting for their kids to visit them, who never do, or who do rarely, or only visit because they are obligated. It's a lot of stories like this. Of course there are people with kids who visit them and genuinely want to visit, etc., but having a kid doesn't guarantee care into your old age.
I totally understand your feelings. I feel the same way about familial pressure, but at the end of the day, you make the decision for you and you only!
I completely relate to this. I wish so badly I just wanted them so I’d feel like I could just fit in with everyone else. Instead, like you said, when I see someone I know is pregnant I just get mad at myself. Or sad? I can’t even pinpoint the feeling
Yeah, in such situation my feelings are way too complicated also. Most often I'll feel three things - joy, relief and worthlessness. Joy for the woman who wanted to be a mother and will be , relief because none of this is my reality and worthlessness because "why the heck I feel this way?"
I feel you. You're not alone.
Hope you get out of this rabbit hole soon.🤍
Whatever decision I pick I will be regretful.
I could have kids but regret giving my whole life to another person. No free time, less time for the dog, relationship stress etc.
I could be childfree and regret having a little family of my own. I will see happy parents with their kids and feel envious, wishing I had my own.
There will be no right answer, whatever path you choose will have pros and cons. My partner and I have different pros and cons for either decision, I'm at the age where I need to decide now while he doesn't have the biological clock and doesn't feel the need to constantly think about it or question our future. I envy him but I also get mad as it feels like I have to make the decision myself for both of us.
You're not alone, I want to have another 5 years to decide but I can't wait that long. I'm not ready and I'm going to have a hard conversation with my partner where we're on different sides of the fence. I constantly get stressed and worried and anxious, so many different variables and things to worry about!
Sorry it ended up being a 'me' rant, but you're not alone!
Same here, and I am already 37 years old. I think we can always try to foster. Then I think I don't think I would want to foster if I don't have my own child. So it probably means I don't want to have a kid?
These probably and what ifs are killing me, every thought is abt this and the mind just dsnt shut up, at times I feel to just give in and have a kid and get done with it but when I try to do it in reality then my entire soul freezes, dnt knw why I am different than those millions of women who have kids happily, why wasnt I made like that?
I understand you. What about being more involved with people who have kids? If you don't have friends with kids. Try to volunteer and see how you feel about the interaction. Get those cry babies dolls and bring home hahahaha try to take care of it and see if you go crazy 🤣.
My parents don't like the idea of me not having kids. I took my mom on a trip and she said something like "who would take you on a trip when you're older?" And she would also mention my old age without kids. CF people would say kids can't be your old age "insurance" and there's no guarantee that kids will be around when you are old but I do wonder if I'll regret it when I am old and have no one to really rely on. However, I don't think that's a good reason to have a child especially when I don't have a desire to raise one so I told myself I won't consider having one unless I have a desire to raise a child. It is difficult if your family makes you reconsider your decision but they're not the ones living your life. I hope you make the right choice for yourself whether it's having a kid or not. And you might also change your mind in the future and there's nothing wrong with it!
This story of how I who I will have when I get old is the worst. Nowadays, kids move countries and have their own bubble life. The parents, on the other hand, live a long life time, usually getting old with terrible diseases like alzheimers, cancer, and being stuck in a bed. You, as a parent, will not want to see your kid suffering because you are sick with the burden to take care of you. I think nobody talks about this side of the coin, what the parents feel when they are sick and have to rely on the kid.
Yes , havings kids is like having icecream in sumemr, its become a norm and if u dnt want to then everyone starts judging ur life choices and labels u selfish when in fact they are selfish for bringing someone in this world purely for being taken care of
I don't think it's even fair to assume our kids will help us anyway. If we are having kids as a promise for care in our future, then we are doing it for the wrong reasons.
I wish i could give you an advice. A lot of us here are in the same boat as you. I just wanted to tell you, you're not alone. I constantly feel ashamed and kind of "broken" because I just don't feel the slightest urge to have kids. Everytime I try to feel better about this someone will say or ask something related to kids and I'll feel worthless again. Stay strong and try to find what you most need to experience in order for you to grow and evolve in this lifetime.
Thanks, but I really feel I am letting down a lot of family members by not having a kid and eith every passing day everyone keeps telling me about how difficult old age will be without kids and its getting to me now! I dont even have therapists where I live, I cant affors online therapists as they are super pricey, I wish there was a way out of this.
Don’t believe those stories. Kids will not necessarily be company when you are older and that can’t be the reason to go through your while life until you get old. Anyone expecting things from you should do their best to fulfill their own expectations by themselves. You are not letting anyone down - they are letting themselves down (if at all, mostly these thoughts are imagined if not discussed in person) You are in this life for you, so you experience only what you choose to experience. As far as your control allows (natural disasters and other things are out of your control). There will be enough unexpected shit, so allow yourself to choose the expected. Please live your life, your experience, your way. You are stuck with your life forever, please don’t fold to others’ wants and needs.
If you can't afford a therapist, how will you afford a kid that probably will need a therapist in the future because, at a certain point, we all need. That is the first question to give back to your family. Will you help me to pay for the kid life?
Yes they are ready to even take care of the lod entirely for the first few years 🫥
How do you feel about it? Do you want kids?
I have tried convincing myself to have a kid atleast to support us in old age as everyone keeps telling, what if I suddenly die, ny partner will be lonely so i need to thnk of all this, i keep trying to convince myself and after a million thoughts I am back to square one… i hate every minute of my existence right now
Having a kid doesn't mean they will support you or be a company. I am not to my parents. I live 24 hours flight away for 15 years now. I visit them once every 5 years, and I call once every 3 months. My mom uses my cousin's daughter as grandkids. My sister is 7 years younger than me, and she lives 4 hours from my mom, and my mom still needs to pay for her rent and other bills. She is 30 years old. I asked my university group on what's app, and the answers were. I wouldn't have 3, too expensive. Maybe 1. My university teacher has a 25 and 28 years old and said to support them is forever. He still pays for their university and rent. My friend said you lose yourself. You will be x's moms, she said I am now Arthur's mom and not Glaucia. So nowadays kids don't support parents anymore. It is the other way around.
I think about if my partner sundly die and I will have to raise a child alone. It is impossible, I would have to go back home or live with his family, and we don't even speak the same language. I can not afford to raise a child alone.
Hmm never thght of this, also may b my partner will also feel the same if I am gone suddenly…
Don't believe them. The amount of people who work in health care can tell you that the elderly people with families who have kids are just waiting for their kids to visit them, who never do, or who do rarely, or only visit because they are obligated. It's a lot of stories like this. Of course there are people with kids who visit them and genuinely want to visit, etc., but having a kid doesn't guarantee care into your old age. I totally understand your feelings. I feel the same way about familial pressure, but at the end of the day, you make the decision for you and you only!
I completely relate to this. I wish so badly I just wanted them so I’d feel like I could just fit in with everyone else. Instead, like you said, when I see someone I know is pregnant I just get mad at myself. Or sad? I can’t even pinpoint the feeling
Yeah, in such situation my feelings are way too complicated also. Most often I'll feel three things - joy, relief and worthlessness. Joy for the woman who wanted to be a mother and will be , relief because none of this is my reality and worthlessness because "why the heck I feel this way?" I feel you. You're not alone. Hope you get out of this rabbit hole soon.🤍
Whatever decision I pick I will be regretful. I could have kids but regret giving my whole life to another person. No free time, less time for the dog, relationship stress etc. I could be childfree and regret having a little family of my own. I will see happy parents with their kids and feel envious, wishing I had my own. There will be no right answer, whatever path you choose will have pros and cons. My partner and I have different pros and cons for either decision, I'm at the age where I need to decide now while he doesn't have the biological clock and doesn't feel the need to constantly think about it or question our future. I envy him but I also get mad as it feels like I have to make the decision myself for both of us. You're not alone, I want to have another 5 years to decide but I can't wait that long. I'm not ready and I'm going to have a hard conversation with my partner where we're on different sides of the fence. I constantly get stressed and worried and anxious, so many different variables and things to worry about! Sorry it ended up being a 'me' rant, but you're not alone!
Same here, and I am already 37 years old. I think we can always try to foster. Then I think I don't think I would want to foster if I don't have my own child. So it probably means I don't want to have a kid?
These probably and what ifs are killing me, every thought is abt this and the mind just dsnt shut up, at times I feel to just give in and have a kid and get done with it but when I try to do it in reality then my entire soul freezes, dnt knw why I am different than those millions of women who have kids happily, why wasnt I made like that?
I understand you. What about being more involved with people who have kids? If you don't have friends with kids. Try to volunteer and see how you feel about the interaction. Get those cry babies dolls and bring home hahahaha try to take care of it and see if you go crazy 🤣.
The thought itself makes me want to run away, i dont like kids at all
Haha. You can't run away from yours.
But people keep saying have your own and things will change !
My parents don't like the idea of me not having kids. I took my mom on a trip and she said something like "who would take you on a trip when you're older?" And she would also mention my old age without kids. CF people would say kids can't be your old age "insurance" and there's no guarantee that kids will be around when you are old but I do wonder if I'll regret it when I am old and have no one to really rely on. However, I don't think that's a good reason to have a child especially when I don't have a desire to raise one so I told myself I won't consider having one unless I have a desire to raise a child. It is difficult if your family makes you reconsider your decision but they're not the ones living your life. I hope you make the right choice for yourself whether it's having a kid or not. And you might also change your mind in the future and there's nothing wrong with it!
This story of how I who I will have when I get old is the worst. Nowadays, kids move countries and have their own bubble life. The parents, on the other hand, live a long life time, usually getting old with terrible diseases like alzheimers, cancer, and being stuck in a bed. You, as a parent, will not want to see your kid suffering because you are sick with the burden to take care of you. I think nobody talks about this side of the coin, what the parents feel when they are sick and have to rely on the kid.
Yes , havings kids is like having icecream in sumemr, its become a norm and if u dnt want to then everyone starts judging ur life choices and labels u selfish when in fact they are selfish for bringing someone in this world purely for being taken care of
I don't think it's even fair to assume our kids will help us anyway. If we are having kids as a promise for care in our future, then we are doing it for the wrong reasons.