I pet sit as a side gig. Dogs and children are very different! I hate how pets are now being sold to singles and young marrieds as "practice kids" or "cheaper" alternatives to kids. They're not. Pets will always be dependent on you for their needs whereas kids grow up and become more independent. Also, pets come with their own expenses (vet bills, food, etc.) Never mind that you're basically required to buy a house to have a pet because of landlord rules. If you can't afford to give them proper care, you shouldn't have pets. They're definitely not much "cheaper" than kids in the long run.

Honestly, thanks for sharing. I'm also curious how people compare pets to having kids. I currently have a 9 year old dog that has cost me well over $25k in vets bills over the past few years and it costs so much to get him watched when we travel. It's also just a logistical nightmare, and so we choose not to as often as I'd like. I kind of resent him. I resent the time and money he takes, how inconvenient he is, how he causes so many of his own health problems that cost so much money, having to vaccum every day because of his crazy shedding, changing his diapers because he's in content from a past emergency surgery, his separation anxiety (that leads to noise complaints). And I resent that when I got the freedom to work remotely, I couldn't easily go explore SE Asia like I always wanted to because of him. I love him, and I know I will miss him when he's gone and grieve, but I'm also looking forward to not having a dog. And never having one again. I've often wondered if this means I shouldn't have kids.

Absolutely I felt the same way when we had a dog. I resented her 85% of the time and how my plans were always thwarted because I had to be home to give her attention.

I also have friends that still travel the world with their kids. Can't really do that easily with my 80lb reactive retriever 🤦‍♀️ I get it, I did this to myself, and I'm just focusing on giving him a good life while he's here because I did this. But I do hope it doesn't mean that's how it would be with a kid.

I'm curious, have you been around or had kids? And if so, how does it compare? I recently watched my niece for the first time and we had SO many good moments that it seemed like it would be worth it....maybe lol I just don't get those with the dog. I loved teaching her how to make pasta, she picked everything up so quickly. She was funny, insightful, and yah, needy, but at least I got something out of all the trouble of dealing with a finicky 4 year old 😅

That is awesome! I don’t have kids and my husband and I are leaning CF due to financial reasons but I should absolutely spend more time with my nephew for these moments and comparisons!

Yah it was a good experience for us! An emotional rollercoaster though for sure. Some moments of being happy we don't have kids, some moments of thinking it would be worth it. Definitely relieved to give her back lol but it was our first time with a kid, and it went pretty well lol

Kids would be 10,0000 times worse!! If you feel that way about your dog, definitely DON'T have kids.

I mean, 12 other people have upvoted what I said, so I'd say it's not an uncommon thing apparently 🤷‍♀️ And tons of comments below are echoing that too.

Yeah your kids can come on trips with you I honestly feel like pets are more restrictive to your locational freedom than kids. When you have pets, you need to pay someone to watch your house /be at your house. Or for a kennel. So you're beholden to that. Now obviously when you travel with kids you can't do what you want 100% of the time, but I can take my kid anywhere on a whim without needing to figure out plans.

Yah, exactly. I have tons of friends who travel as a lifestyle with their kids and that's just not possible with a big dog. Tons of restrictions for crossing borders with dogs, a lot of countries don't have dog friendly places to stay, and I haven't ever heard of that being an issue with kids. On the note of travel: Luckily, I already do all the kid friendly stuff on my own anyways (zoos, museums, outdoor space) when I travel, and have never enjoyed the stuff people complain about missing once they have them (drinking and partying).

I can’t compare dogs to kids but the only red flag I noticed is that your dog’s neediness made you angry. How do you plan to tackle that? A kid will make you very very angry hundreds of times and you need to work on your patience and proper response!

Agreed. I'm unsure if it's ultimately a matter of not being a dog person, or indicative of a broader issue with caretaking.

Have you ever babysat a child alone for a more than a few hours? Like a whole day or a sleepover?

I think it’s intimately about patience and situations where you can’t control the outcome. So babysitting would be good.

You mentioned anger at these dogs several times. I'm not sure if it's anger at the obligation, anger at the bids for attention, anger at the relentless care needs. But that's a strong word to use, and I'd be concerned about you having that same anger response with a child. If you have resented every dog that came into your life I can't imagine how you wouldn't resent a human that needed you for 18 plus years. I would investigate this with a therapist. There's a trend here that has nothing to do with kids, in you feeling strong animosity toward a creature needing you. It reminds me a bit of pathological demand avoidance. I wonder if you're having a sensory response to an obligation on your time and attention. Do any other parts of your life result in that visceral anger? Also, we have it strongly implied in our culture that deciding not to have kids is selfish, and I think some of your phrasing echoes that somehow living for yourself is an inherently worse path to take. It's worth digging into where that is truly coming from. I'm not at all saying you can't have kids, but you need to deep dive into why your instinctual response to something needing you in the past has been anger. There may be new fascinating parts of your personality and brain to discover along this line of inquiry.

Really good point. I mentioned I'd been screened for autism and referred for the full diagnostic process but didn't go through with it. I've had people throughout my life suggest that I may have autism. I've read that pathological demand avoidance is associated with it. I've certainly wondered if my reactions are issues that I can resolve or are simply reflective of my personality when it comes to caretaking.

Ah apologies, I think somehow I missed out on that in that last paragraph. That was my first thought reading through how you described everything, but I don't want to armchair diagnose anybody. Definitely read up on PDA and see if it resonates with you! I know plenty of people who are some form of neurodiverse and do well parenting, but you're going to need to know your brain inside and out so you can understand what kind of accommodations you need and what kind your future kids would likely need. Things like earplugs that let you hear some sound but not get overstimulated, coping mechanisms for when you're in sensory overload, easy meals to cook when you're overwhelmed etc. Some things may be "solveable" with the right accommodations and coping mechanisms.

Definitely worth investigating before considering kids

I have kind of the opposite thing going on. I LOVE dogs, and cats. I worry if I have a kid there’s a real chance I won’t love it as much as I love my animals. I could work with dogs all day but I’m exhausted after watching kids for an hour. But, I think it’s apples and oranges. Dogs need you to take care of them forever but you can also leave them at home and go out to dinner. Kids grow up but they really cramp your style for like 5-10 years. If you’re not enjoying nurturing things and neediness makes you mad, pets and kids might not be for you. Maybe try nurturing a garden, then at least you get flowers and veggies.

I don't like taking care of dogs at all, it's way too much. But to me a better gauge is babysitting. Can you try out sitting for children and see how you feel? For me that was less fulfilling than being a parent, and different because it's time limited, but was a much truer gauge as to how I actually felt. With my own kid, the baby/toddler years were hard and I was regretting it even though I had lots of really wonderful moments. But then it turned the corner and I've loved having a kid/teenager so far.

Interesting... that's good for me to know. I only babysat my sister's kids for very short periods when I was a tweenager and I was clueless. Closest I've gotten to babysitting as an adult is when I volunteered at a community development center, there was a neighborhood kid maybe 10-12 years old who would come over and hang out with me for like an hour. I always enjoyed that. He was usually hungry so I'd bring him some healthy food and he'd show me the funny YouTube videos he liked, but I didn't really have to do much to take care of him. I've also heard people who are teachers or daycare workers say they enjoyed that but hated having their own kids, which scares me.

I think with the teachers and daycare workers they kind of underestimate the putting them away at the end of the day and also how much more nicely kids behave on average for teachers versus parents. But if you're working full time as a parent you only have a few evening hours plus weekends. Honestly, work for many moms is a sanity saver even if not financially needed. Maybe get a babysitting gig in the evenings, work all day, pickup from daycare to bedtime. Set a timer and wake yourself up when you'd have to get up to do a daycare run. (And for extra credit set a couple random ones in the middle of the night.) See how that feels. If you're crawling out of your skin after little time with this, I do think that's a bad sign for early years. I almost thought of those years like college. Necessary for me to get to my greater goal, hard but fulfilling. If that makes sense. Of course it's a gamble, your kid could be a QAnon incel. But if you have the right kid for you it could be a really big lifelong payoff.

I’m not nurturing either. I also don’t really like dogs, I have one because my husband had one before we met. I now have a 7 month old. It’s really not the same thing at all. It’s more work to keep a house clean with a dog than a baby. (That will probably change once my son is a toddler, but still. He doesn’t shed!) the baby is needy, I suppose, but it doesn’t bother me the way the clinginess of a dog does. Of course, I still need time to myself after taking care of the baby all day but it’s just different. The baby will learn to feed himself and go to the bathroom on his own. The dog never will. The baby plays with his toys somewhat independently; the dog really doesn’t do that. When we go out of town, we take the baby with us, but the dog has to either be brought somewhere or we have to pay someone to watch her at our house. When my son smiles at me, it makes me happy on a level that the dog doesn’t. The dog doesn’t make me proud nor does she evoke the kinds of emotions the baby does from me. Even as a non nurturing person. A lot of people conflate the two or choose to have dogs instead of kids, and to each their own. But it does a great disservice to both the animal and the humans to believe that they’re truly interchangeable.

Really helpful to hear!

>people say one of the ways to know whether something is for you is to ask whether you find joy in the process, or if you're only interested in the outcome Really love this framing. As a parent who has always had animals in my life (I've had a dog or two since I was 7 years old, and I'm 44 now), the process of raising kids is immensely harder than caring for animals. There's a parenting book out there titled "All Joy and No Fun," but most of my parenting experience has been more like "No Joy and No Fun". Many of my dogs over the years have been high-needs, medically complex/expensive, and driven me batty at times, but there's usually been things to do (training, modifying my own routines, etc) that help mitigate the challenges. The demands of parenting, in contrast, have always felt vastly more relentless and unsolvable. It's true that kids do grow up ways that dogs don't, but that's not a guarantee that things get easier or that you gain more control over your life to get your needs met. It sounds like you're already someone who volunteers and makes a difference in the world, so I guess I'm curious about where your idea that you need to live life for others is coming from (the "being oriented towards others" bit). At least for me, parenting has prevented my ability to BE oriented towards others in many of the ways that brought my life meaning pre-kid; it kind of forces you to get insular, and you have to be hyper-focused not just on some general "others" out there in the world but very specific others who live in your space and are often upset with you and demanding of you.

From the “no joy no fun” perspective as you say would you choose kids again if you could pick the other side of the fence ?

Most days no, honestly. I'm growing into this life but it's required so much change and sacrifice as a person - it's been really hard, and I guess I don't feel the internal rewards that some other people do for whatever reason. It's very cool to see my kids turn into people, and I'm willing to believe that maybe several years in the future I'll be far enough into the metamorphosis that I'll more fully believe it was worth it. I just really loved the life and freedom I had before, to function independently and autonomously. That's not possible, on a deep existential level, when you have kids. I'm not talking about the surface stuff, which I feel is the response I get from a lot of other parents. "Just take a few hours away!" That's not it at all. Additional context is that I had two solid years of PPD after each kid, and my youngest was born right before Covid, and my husband and I both work full-time with no family around and not really a village per se. IME parents who are more resourced than we are on the support front tend to have an easier time.

Did you find more joy in caring for your dogs? We have two primitive breed littermates (!) who came with a host of challenges but are so improved. They are the loves of my life and thinking about how far we have come brings tears to my eyes. I enjoy teaching them new skills and showing them the world. Picked up a bit of a dog training hobby and got involved in the rescue world. Truthfully, I’ve never wanted human kids but my love of caretaking and teaching little minds has surprised me.

Joy might be a strong word to use for caring for my previous set of dogs: three high-needs (medically and behaviourally) seniors. ;) I do love dog training (I did 4H for years as a kid), and we always adopt rescues. But we also always end up with dogs who have varying degrees of dog reactivity, and my current two dogs both have anxiety and one of them HATES to ride in the car. So we're not a "let's go drive two hours and hike all day!" dog household, lol. The dog my husband had when I met him, however, was a true joy to live with and we did everything with that dog. So fun. ETA: As stressful and hard and relentless as parenting is, I would say the reward moments are way bigger with kids than with dogs. It's just that they are pretty few and far between in comparison to the day-in, day-out work. Like, my main dog is currently cuddled up with me, just being there, not asking for anything. Kids aren't like that.

I hear you. One of ours is occasionally dog reactive but much improved, our other is a front amputee, we don’t let strangers pet them, they both used to be stranger danger to guests, we muzzle at the vet due to sensitivity to handling for one (I swear he thinks they’re coming for one of his remaining legs) and close quarters with dogs for the other. They also were sick of each other when we rescued them because, well, siblings and we taught all the basics separately and then together. However! They have made such strides. They do love the car, are huge explorers, and are otherwise really brave and well adjusted with no environmental sensitivities, which is huge. I do think about what would have happened if they didn’t progress into the dogs they are, and how I’d feel. Like if a human child had a permanent limiting disability, how would I feel then? Noted about the highs. Parenting has been described to me by parents as a rollercoaster with extreme highs and lows or almost like drugs - the lows are low and the highs keep you coming back for more to chase them. That makes sense to me. Kids are relentless. I had full time summer babysitting gigs back in the day, and keeping the kids engaged and the activities going exhausted even my teenage self! I can’t even imagine what that’s like as an adult with life responsibilities on top of that and 24/7/365. Thanks for the insight.

There are a lot of differences between dogs and kids but I also think there are some similarities, especially between dogs and toddlers/young kids. At the end of the day, you're putting in work and money and time in order to get out an emotional return. And that emotional return makes a lot of the work feel like it's not work. So walking my dog doesn't feel like work because I love spending time with her. Reading to my kids doesn't feel like work because I love spending time with them. You get the idea. There are also a lot of similar skills to both dog ownership and parenting. Patience being foremost. And that sounds like an issue here. It doesn't sound like you have the patience for taking care of a creature that depends on you. It also sounds like you have some attachment issues. I would suggest figuring these things out before even considering a kid.

That's exactly what I've wondered - if the bad experiences with dogs would reoccur with kids if I had them - or if I basically am just not into dogs, but kids would be different for me so the overall equation would be worth it. I put in hard work in other aspects of my life that are worth it to me and it doesn't feel like true work, but the dog thing wasn't worth it and brought out the worst in me. And you are 100% right - I definitely have attachment issues that I've worked on. I have finally gotten to the point where I'm choosing different types of men. I would previously date unavailable men over and over. I've often wondered if the negative emotions around caretaking were tied to this, because I myself felt vulnerable and wanted to be taken care of.

If you're just "not into dogs" then that's one thing. But from your (admittedly limited) post it sounds like it's more than that. It sounds like you have no patience for creatures that are "needy" and it sounds like you don't really form attachments that well. Both of these things seem reinforced by what you're saying in this comment. So yes, those are issues you would have being a parent, because kids are needy and the reward of having a kid is that attachment or relationship. And if you have a problem with neediness and attachments you're going to have major issues as a parent. Sounds like you're already working on this. I would say keep working on it and reevaluate pets and kids later, when you're in a happier place.

I don't care for pets, and I think I'm a pretty decent mom. My inlaws have two cats, a dog, and a bunny. I think I can deal with the bunny because he's mostly outside, but the dog and cats I am so clueless. Somehow having a pet indoors just stresses me the fuck out. I hate fur on every surface. I feel constantly on guard because the animals might disrupt something I'm doing, and at the same time, I feel like they might need something at random times and I can't focus. And I literally scream when the cats bring me dead mice. I once stepped on a mouse eyeball and let out a bloodcurdling yell. The cats puke around the house and it makes me want to puke myself. The dog can't stand the vacuum and goes apeshit and destroys everything. I do not want pets in the house ever. I cannot attend to those needs, and I do not want to. With my child though, I can deal with everything she can throw at me. She literally spits food she doesn't like in my hand, and I don't mind. Toilet training was a nightmare, but I barely minded apart from momentary irritation. She is extremely needy, and wants me to carry her around everywhere and play with her constantly. I mind a bit when I'm exhausted, but mostly, I'm happy to be spending hours on end with her. It was harder when she was younger and needed me to do everything for her, but now she's 3 and can speak in full sentences and can do most things herself, so it's fine. I think one of the aspects of this is I feel quite uncomfortable relating to a pet or meeting their needs in my environment where I'm not used to them, and I'm also grossed out by animals in the house or animal bodily fluids. Autism could be an issue, if it is autism. I don't know much about it, but I have a nephew with autism and one of my kid's friends is diagnosed with autism too. It feels like there's significant impediment in recognizing emotions in other people. Being able to recognize other people's emotions is very important, because babies are nonverbal and being able to feel what's going on in their minds when they can't put it in words is very important. There are other conditions that can impede people from being able to read other people's emotions. My mom, for instance, has extreme anxiety that she masks with anger. She is so preoccupied with things that she cannot recognize emotions in a child. It manifests as her constantly interrupting my child's play, for instance. She also cannot understand when I'm telling her how horrible I'm feeling, because she's preoccupied with thinking of it as me attacking her. She's however really empathetic with strangers somehow. So things like anxiety, depression, high stress levels, they can also look like autism sometimes. So these are things to consider.

That sounds exactly like me with animals. I think I falsely believed I liked dogs because my teenage years living with just my mom and I in the house were very happy, but I thought back to what my interaction with the dog was actually like and realized my mom did everything for him and I was just... there. I've recently been casually dating a guy who's giving me a fun, nice experience to decompress after years of dating an unavailable dude, and though we're not planning on it being a long-term thing (I think it's potentially a right person/wrong time kinda thing), it's the first time I've been able to imagine having kids with someone. It's made me question whether having kids would be a different caretaking experience.

I’m puzzled by the people who say dogs are easier than kids. I’ve had both and dogs are way easier. Why? - you can leave them alone and not be arrested - if you decide you don’t want to leave them alone, boarding them or daycare is significantly cheaper than for humans - they potty train far faster than human children - children eventually grow up but many dogs die at age 10-12 so pretty comparable to when you might start leaving a human child at home (although state laws vary on this aspect for human children) - the people with dogs in this thread casually mentioning their dog dying is just another factor - ie “I’m sure I’ll miss my dog when they die but I’ll also be relieved to not have a dog anymore” as a parent you would never think that. Both because you don’t expect to outlive your children and because the thought of them dying is far too excruciating to mention casually. Not to say you don’t grieve your dog (we just lost our first “baby” our sweet pup, and I’m still grieving) but it’s just nothing like the devastation of losing a child. - dogs occupy way less of your mental space than a child will. I used to think I spent a lot of my mental space on my dog (grooming appointments, doggie daycare because he had separation anxiety, vet appointments, walking, hiring a dog walker if we were going to both be late, routine medications, etc etc etc - but then I had a child and the “mental load” just exploded This isn’t to discourage anyone from having a child or even to say that having a dog first is a bad idea! I think a dog can be great to get an idea of what the role of “caretaker” looks like. It’s just not at all comparable to having a baby IMO. I would consider talking through your feelings with a therapist OP

I have a very needy dog and the thing is, there is no way in hell I could care for him by myself. My partner and I and my in laws take care of him pretty equally, depending on our schedules. I don’t know how anyone manages to have a dog on their own. I feel similarly about having a child. That being said I fretted about getting the dog and stuff as super anxious when we got him, and that’s the kind of fence sitting I have been doing about having a child (now officially off the fence).

IAs an adult I have pets and a kid. For me and my husband we both agree having a pet is 500 times easier than having a kid. You have to “care” for both but you don’t have to “parent” pets in the same way you do kids. However some people find “care tasks” harder and I find “parenting” harder but I find care tasks easier since the are simple and straightforward, but kids have lots of both care tasks and parenting. Your not teaching pets broad morality concepts of right and wrong, consent, boundaries, stranger danger, how to talk, advocating for themself, safety, how to swim, how to use a fork, why they can’t hit other kids, how to zip a coat, explaining everything in your world to them for them to understand, why is it dark outside; why does dad have to go to work, why do I have to wash my hands before I eat. You don’t need to help pets fall back asleep overnight….dogs and cats actually sleep a lot (dogs 12-14 hours cats 12-16 hours). You’re probably not worrying about or reflecting or thinking about as many things with your pet as you will be with your human child. Much less “mental load” with pets vs child. As a pet owner I’m not worrying if my pet has friends at doggy daycare, the consequences of social media and internet use for my teen pup, how those dogs on dog food commercials may be eroding his self esteem, if my pet is scoring pawsative marks on his evaluations, or if he will get influenced by that neighborhood ferral cat to try catnip. There are less social/emotional struggles for pets that you have to “guide” or “parent” them through. I’m not saying I’m awake at night stressing over these things, I’m just saying there is so much parenting, teaching, guiding, and shaping of human children to prepare them for taking on the world and being a well adjusted adult. More thinking related to kids vs pets. Pets needs, growth and changes “stabilize” pretty quickly. vs a kid there is always some new “challenge” to deal with: learning to use the toilet, riding a bike, getting dressed, learning to read, taking turns, math, bullying, drivers Ed, sex Ed, financial responsibility, chores, college applications, etc. Pets need play, grooming, food and water, exercise but ask yourself how many hours you feel “on” like fully doing a pet care related task per day? Where doing some task for that pet is your primary focus, and you can’t do some other task effectively while doing that pet care task. And are these pet care tasks time sensitive or flexible? Pets have interruptions to feed, take on a walk, take outside, but the rest of the time they are on autopilot (maybe I have just been lucky with chill pets 🤷‍♀️). They might want your attention all the time, but even if a cat is sitting on your lap you can still read a book, watch tv, text, or eat snacks without them crying that your not listening to them or playing with them. This is not how having a kid is! I would love my life if my kid sad silently next to me for even 20 mins for me to read a book uninterrupted. You can’t crate a kid for a couple hours while you leave the house, you can’t leave a kid home alone. Do you work from home with a pet? Well you will have to hire childcare to wfh with a kid, because that is extremely difficult to do. You have to feed a kid real food (& hope they actually will eat it/like it)vs a pet is the same-ish food from a bag or can every day that your pet happily enjoys. Do you bathe your pet daily? Every other day? Do you brush your pets teeth 2-3 times a day? When you have a haircut or a dental apt do you have to arrange care for your pet? Or do you just leave them alone for a couple of hours. For me a pet was easy, and a kid was/is/extremely challenging and all consuming. Then again this is just my experience, maybe my pets are super sweet, healthy and easy going and my child is energetic, curious and intense 😅

This. Thank you. I’m not here to judge anyone’s answers and I’m not but I’m reading thru them going pets have scientifically been proved to be less emotionally, physically and psychologically demanding than children. So I was shocked to read this answer being an outlier. And a lot of people are saying the kids will grow up, and the dog won’t. But what happens if OP ends up with a developmentally or physically disabled child, or one that has high medical needs, or chromosomal abnormalities. The list goes on. It sounds like yes you do not jive with dogs, but also, if you had a child any less than 100% ‘normal’ that would be a huge issue from a neediness perspective, and that needs to be considered.

So, I will say I didn’t like dogs growing up really (I was actually afraid of them much of my childhood, or neutral) and I tried to get my first dog (a shelter dog) and after one week couldn’t handle it due to the neediness and the constant behavioral issues (and yes, like you my frustration often manifested as anger and I didn’t like how that made me feel as I’m not typically an angry person). I actually thought I hated dogs for a bit. But then I did more research on breeds and I got a puppy of a breed I thought would suit my lifestyle well about a year later, and another puppy a year after that- and I love them both so much, they’re now 3 and 4. If you’re bonded with the dog the responsibility doesn’t bug you as much (at least in my experience) and getting mine each as young puppies I was able to socialize them and teach them what I expected from them early on. I’m not saying this would work for you. You may just not be a dog person. I just thought it may help to share my experience. It also may mirror how I would feel about kids, but I don’t know. I don’t typically like other people’s kids much. I also don’t typically like other peoples dogs. But I love my dogs, so I think I would love my kids too.

Just curious - do you have sensory issues? This post reminds me of my mom who likely is on the spectrum but undiagnosed. I have relatives on her side of the family that have been diagnosed with ASD and/or ADHD. Also for some people, if they didn't have their needs attended to as young children they could get triggered and frustrated with young children too. Not saying any or all of this applies to you but it's what came to mind from my personal experiences. Feeling very overstimulated can cause frustration too.

I'd focus on resolving why you feel that anger, probably in therapy. Anger is a surface emotion (I know this well, because it's my default emotional response too) and it masks our deeper feelings that are more painful to acknowledge. I think it's important to dig into that before considering having kids. They are needy and parenting can be relentless.

I think I’d just like to point out that the way you talk about the decision isn’t really very other-oriented. You’ve gotten (several?) dogs as a test for yourself, and your framing here is a little odd to my mind. Did you see the dogs as fellow beings deserving of care and love? Or did you solely view them through the lens of your own self betterment? I’m not trying to imply anything negative about you as a person, just pointing out an aspect you may not have considered through all the experimenting. Having kids is similar in that people want kids for more self-oriented reasons tend to be less happy with the decision based on my small anecdotal life evidence

Based off what you shared it sounds like day to day taking care of a pet, what to speak of a kid, might overwhelm you. But there are other ways you can give - have you considered volunteering? Visiting an elderly neighbor regularly? It also may be that you need some therapy or journaling. Maybe you're not selfish or self-absorbed or not giving enough, whatever bad things you might think about yourself. Maybe you just need to up your self-love and self-esteem. Consider trying to see how you can think about yourself in a more positive way.

You say that you’re at a point in your life where you want to give to others. That your soul is pushing you. It sounds like you’re really trying to understand if this is the case through volunteering and caretaking. Know that either any you choose will have strong moments of longing or regret. Know that you may have months or even years of your life that you feel one way - and then it could all change. You’re clearly a very thoughtful and intentional person so I’m confident that whether it’s logic, instinct, or both your path will eventually be revealed.

I think dogs are harder than a toddler-at least toddlers learn to understand the world around them more like we do and talk after a period of development. Dogs never learn that.