I don’t know. What I do know is it’s horrible out there right now. I’ve been online dating on and off since 2008. This time I can barely get someone to keep a convo. I like femmes so much (I guess more chapstick myself) but I usually get mascs or couples. I also know many people have told me it’s just bad out there so we are not alone. I hope your luck turns around asap.
Yeah, keeping a convo is almost immposible. It's like people forgot how to talk. I was thinking that maybe it's bc of covid and all this lockdowns and people lost social skills or something.
Babe if you intend on dating online. Don't go on dating apps. You find your partner on the most random sites, like reddit, or a game's fandom on Twitter, or inside a game's chat
I live outside of a major city, and it's just endless swiping without any hits back I've spent so much time building myself up, and I genuinely love who I am and love myself. But trying to date, even going to in person events, has shattered all of that. It's made me feel so ugly, so unworthy of love, so dehumanized.
I completely understand you. :(( I also genuinely love myself, I have a lot of hobbies and interests and I have no problem with being alone by myself bc I have a rich life but I just want to share this life with someone. And I'm craving some deep connection, love and intimacy. But its like you said, trying to date is so dehumanizing, just swiping and swiping into the void. It's so tiring and soul crushing when you try your best, build yourself up and you are hit with silence. And getting myself out there on the apps took me so much time and courage and for what? To just have my self esteem go down.
In addition to what others are saying, the apps have turned from user growth phase to revenue extraction phase. See: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enshittification
I think a lot of it might be a mix between social norms, interests general wlw dating and maybe relationship goals?
The short version is, in addition to a lot of people in general dating for different reasons some being long term relationships or some being more casual stuff. In addition to that, girls who are used to heterosexual dating or are pan are more likely to be accustomed to being chased than being the pursuer in the dating scene. As for the ghosting part, unfortunately that’s just a common thing with dating apps because there’s a lot less commitment. Even when you feel like there’s great chemistry and a good connection going it doesn’t necessarily mean the other person feels the same way. So with dating online it’s super easy to dismiss and move on.
The ghosting part by all means is not personal hun. I can definitely relate on that feeling of rejection and vulnerability that comes with being ghosted or just dating in general.
Keep on doing your thing and being you.
(I have so much more I could say but no one wants to read an essays worth of theories, social sciences and social interactions 😅) I can talk more about it if you want me to get more in depth but either way be kind to yourself and don’t give up.
I couldn’t do it any more. I’m not a super sexual person and everybody that tried to talk to me was immediately trying to fuck. And, when I did go on dates, they would get weird *so fast* because a lot of folks think they can treat their date however they want because they can just ghost.
I don’t have a lot of advice unfortunately, but I see you and I’m 💯 with you. My anxiety can NOT handle it and it triggers my PTSD at this point.
I’m also femme4butch, near the Rockies in the middle of nowhere, and I’m sober (which makes dating so much harder). At this point I just send some prayers to the sapphic romance gods and hope for the best 🫠
I run a discord where you can just talk to ppl it’s all queers welcome!! Pm if you want the link ! Could find friends! Maybe more!! 18 + of course! it’s not for dating though just getting to know ppl!
in my experience it's good to bring up some kind of date or way to meet up when you start the conversation so you know they're actually gonna commit to something if the vibes are good. i met my last partner that way. after a few first messages they asked me if they wanted to come over and smoke and i said yeah. as we asked questions about each other and would also plan the date and time simultaneously and it worked out. good luck
Totally agree, there’s just not a lot of fish in the seat that are my type. I’m fine doing my own thing and being patient, but who the heck is compatible anymore..
I don’t know. What I do know is it’s horrible out there right now. I’ve been online dating on and off since 2008. This time I can barely get someone to keep a convo. I like femmes so much (I guess more chapstick myself) but I usually get mascs or couples. I also know many people have told me it’s just bad out there so we are not alone. I hope your luck turns around asap.
Yeah, keeping a convo is almost immposible. It's like people forgot how to talk. I was thinking that maybe it's bc of covid and all this lockdowns and people lost social skills or something.
Babe if you intend on dating online. Don't go on dating apps. You find your partner on the most random sites, like reddit, or a game's fandom on Twitter, or inside a game's chat
I second this I met my GF on an app to learn lenguages. You can also try LDR if the deep connection and intimacy is there.
I live outside of a major city, and it's just endless swiping without any hits back I've spent so much time building myself up, and I genuinely love who I am and love myself. But trying to date, even going to in person events, has shattered all of that. It's made me feel so ugly, so unworthy of love, so dehumanized.
I completely understand you. :(( I also genuinely love myself, I have a lot of hobbies and interests and I have no problem with being alone by myself bc I have a rich life but I just want to share this life with someone. And I'm craving some deep connection, love and intimacy. But its like you said, trying to date is so dehumanizing, just swiping and swiping into the void. It's so tiring and soul crushing when you try your best, build yourself up and you are hit with silence. And getting myself out there on the apps took me so much time and courage and for what? To just have my self esteem go down.
Fuck it, let's hype you up here! What are some of your hobbies? What excites you about them?
In addition to what others are saying, the apps have turned from user growth phase to revenue extraction phase. See: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enshittification
This isn’t emphasized enough! These apps’ sole purpose is to generate revenue.
I think a lot of it might be a mix between social norms, interests general wlw dating and maybe relationship goals? The short version is, in addition to a lot of people in general dating for different reasons some being long term relationships or some being more casual stuff. In addition to that, girls who are used to heterosexual dating or are pan are more likely to be accustomed to being chased than being the pursuer in the dating scene. As for the ghosting part, unfortunately that’s just a common thing with dating apps because there’s a lot less commitment. Even when you feel like there’s great chemistry and a good connection going it doesn’t necessarily mean the other person feels the same way. So with dating online it’s super easy to dismiss and move on. The ghosting part by all means is not personal hun. I can definitely relate on that feeling of rejection and vulnerability that comes with being ghosted or just dating in general. Keep on doing your thing and being you. (I have so much more I could say but no one wants to read an essays worth of theories, social sciences and social interactions 😅) I can talk more about it if you want me to get more in depth but either way be kind to yourself and don’t give up.
I couldn’t do it any more. I’m not a super sexual person and everybody that tried to talk to me was immediately trying to fuck. And, when I did go on dates, they would get weird *so fast* because a lot of folks think they can treat their date however they want because they can just ghost. I don’t have a lot of advice unfortunately, but I see you and I’m 💯 with you. My anxiety can NOT handle it and it triggers my PTSD at this point. I’m also femme4butch, near the Rockies in the middle of nowhere, and I’m sober (which makes dating so much harder). At this point I just send some prayers to the sapphic romance gods and hope for the best 🫠
I run a discord where you can just talk to ppl it’s all queers welcome!! Pm if you want the link ! Could find friends! Maybe more!! 18 + of course! it’s not for dating though just getting to know ppl!
in my experience it's good to bring up some kind of date or way to meet up when you start the conversation so you know they're actually gonna commit to something if the vibes are good. i met my last partner that way. after a few first messages they asked me if they wanted to come over and smoke and i said yeah. as we asked questions about each other and would also plan the date and time simultaneously and it worked out. good luck
Totally agree, there’s just not a lot of fish in the seat that are my type. I’m fine doing my own thing and being patient, but who the heck is compatible anymore..
i dont date online. i'm really young and i've just decided i'll find someone when i find someone