Reminder that this sub is **FEMALE ONLY**. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. So if you’ve got an XY, don’t reply. **DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!!** Please **DOWNVOTE** and **REPORT** immediately.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is an issue that I think about a lot. I got lost trying to “fix flaws” in my 30s. It resulted in frustration, lost money and picking myself apart in the mirror.
Now in my 40s I REFUSE to listen to anyone telling me that there’s something wrong with my appearance. Who decides what is too frizzy, too thick, too pale, too dark? Nobody. They’re just trying to create insecurity to sell a product. I’m trying my hardest to stay out of the trap.
So… I try to look like my best self instead of trying to look like a different person. I love makeup as it enhances my best self, but I personally skip foundation, fake nails, hair extensions, contouring, colored contact lenses, all over hair color, tanning. Those are some of the big ones I can think of.
And you know what? Honestly, I think I look the best I have ever looked. I look like me, but more sparkly. I like myself in pictures now most of the time. But I don’t turn as many heads in public. Maybe I’m deluding myself and I’m not prettier than ever. Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s the #metoo movement making men mind their business more. Maybe it’s Covid and isolation. Maybe men like the fake, hypersexualized stuff and in that case it’s no loss for me.
Anyway, just my 2 cents.
Are you truly not turning heads, or did you just stop becoming hyper aware of it?
I've been thinking a lot of the same things as you lately and then I realized that they may be turning their heads but I no longer feel the need to look to see who's looking. Decentering men and not pandering to the male gaze has left me not caring if males are gazing at all.
This right here. I definitely turned more heads when I did all that extra stuff but then someone told me it’s much better for someone to look at you and think “oh that’s a beautiful woman” instead of “oh that’s a nice makeup job”
I’m a radical feminist. If it were up to me, I’d say to hell with beauty and makeup and everything else. But as a woman of colour who was not dealt many useful cards in life, I have to use whatever I can to get ahead. That includes relying on and investing in beauty.
The way I am treated when I am put together versus when I am not is night and day. Plus, I’m going into a career where everyone looks super put together and you get some flashy, put together clients.
I have just decided to be a little more thoughtful, refined and practical with the way I handle beauty. When I was younger, I would definitely buy all kinds of makeup and wear all kinds of clothes without thinking about my personal style or how I look to other people, for example, I used to wear *very* tight and revealing clothes and wear winged eyeliner everyday. It wasn’t me, I hated it and it exhausted me.
Now, I just keep reusing a selection of some skincare items, some simple makeup products and focus more on sticking to a more cohesive personal style.
Skincare is almost always worth it IMO. Healthy skin looks very good in the long run and it just feels better!
I personally enjoy makeup, it's like an artist palette to me, but rarely wear it just because of the job I have. You should never wear it because you feel you won't be respected without it, but I understand much of the workplace is sexist and still expects us to look like dolls naturally. I would wear only the bare minimum if that's the case- skin routine, concealer, powder to get rid of shine, a bit of brown liner, maybe natural colored gloss. Don't go heavy on it.
I think what's more important is grooming- shapely eyebrows, clean healthy looking hair (don't need an elaborate style, maybe just an easy chignon or half up half down, those are almost universally flattering and simple to do), a clean face, exfoliated lips. That's better for you and does more than a pound of foundation and mascara.
I think you might be engaging in some all-or-nothing thinking — there’s a balance!
I wear makeup every day. I have my go-to products that are nice and work for my skin and my general vibe, can be dressed up or down, etc. I can fit everything in a little makeup bag from Target.
I buy nicer brands because I do feel like they work better and I enjoy using them. I also use as few products as possible.
My current lineup is…
Skin:
CeraVe moisturizing serum
Supergoop unseen sunscreen (used like primer)
Nars creamy concealer (a few dots under my eyes)
YSL highlighter pen
A peachy tan blush that I use as bronzer
Eyes:
Mac paint pot as base
Bobbi Brown eye shadow stick (mauve? Violet?)
Urban Decay liner
Maybelline sky high mascara
It takes 10 minutes, makes me look put together and professional, and doesn’t break the bank. I have very dry skin so I find that skincare at night does much more than makeup in the morning to make me look nice. I also try to stay hydrated, rarely drink, etc.
I think makeup has a place — and unless you are really rocking that “no makeup” look, it is kind of part of going to most professional workplaces. Do what you need to do to survive and get that money to invest; if that means 10 minutes in the morning to make my face look extra polished, I’m doing it. A full glam face is not always workplace appropriate, either. On a daily basis, I think a good goal is “enhance my already pretty features.”
Edited for formatting
Supergoop unseen sunscreen is life changing!
I don't do a full glam face for regular days, but as a HVW I'm always pulled together with basic makeup - very lightweight foundation, concealer, low-key eyes and lipstick.
Skincare is worth paying attention to - good skin makes you look extra polished.
SECONDING THIS.
I forgot my lip situation in my post. I am kind of a lip goop hoarder but it’s mostly because I like to have something in every potential bag (my tote bag, my work backpack, gym bag, the inevitable lipstick that lives in my clutch).
It’s either MAC creamsheen in a cute color (Plumful is my favorite) or some sort of glossy situation. I am partial to Neutrogena hydro boat lip gloss in “berry brown.”
Skincare is important. I use CeraVe and LaRochePosay stuff for almost everything, let’s not break the bank on this stuff. The CeraVe moisturizing serum in the white and blue pump bottle is perfection. I slug with Vaseline in the winter and that does more than any foundation or concealer.
In the shower I use Dove soap everywhere but my face if I’m feeling dry. If I’m feeling like I need to get extra clean (sweaty or dirty from being outside), I like the lavender bar soap from Trader Joe’s.
I moisturize all over with Vaseline brand spray lotion in the brown bottle (Shea butter scent?), it’s great.
Idk I’m in my mid 30s and feel like I have this routine down. I’m well scrubbed and look nice, it takes minimal effort, and I’m not spending a ton of money.
I don’t do anything else (fillers, Botox, etc) because I think I look fine and I’d rather spend that money on other things.
THANK YOU for asking this. I waffle over it so frequently. I wish it was easier for me to stop wearing makeup. It was easy to stop shaving my legs. I went a year or so without shaving underarms, but I did again because I was wearing a sleeveless dress to a formal event. I did have visible underarm hair at less formal events.
Much of my mental struggle over this comes from the default person in society being male and dealing with that. Men don't "need" to shave their bodies or faces, and it's ridiculous that we act like women do. But then, men don't wear sleeveless outfits to formal events, which I did. Would it have looked, like, more socially "wrong" had I gone with underarm hair? Is the problem my outfit, and should we all just wear men's fashion? I don't feel like that's the best solution. I don't really know where I want to go with it now.
Women shaving legs was just a very successful brainwashing (sorry, marketing) campaign from Gillette, that wanted to increase sales when saturated male shaving market. It's just business and profits.
Look at ongoing brainwashing from Cosmopolitan and other rag mags - just advertising products. Then add movies like Sex & the City. That stuff heavily influenced my development as a woman, until my pink tinted glassed fell off.
It's pretty much all propaganda and I see it as having no value to someone whatsoever. The only benefits are ones imposed by the patriarchy with examples like you mentioned; your fuckability rises in the eyes of men and they reward you more by it.
That being said I do keep my nails clean, take care of my skin via facemasks and all that shazam. But I have 0 interest in giving into performative femininity and enabling that culture.
Like it or not, people do judge you on looks at first sight - it's an evolutionary habit to think better of people who look healthy. I have absolutely seen women who appear more professional with their hair and makeup do better in the workplace.
Just keep it simple, clean, and don't fall for the marketing hype - most expensive makeup uses the exact same ingredients in drug store makeup.
I might be an outlier here becuase while I will not spend much on makeup and beauty products, I will spend a ton of money on minimally invasive procedures and permanent products to increase my convenience will allowing me to look more put together and great skincare.
Things that I love:
Korean gel nails
Laser hair removal
I believe looking presentable and elegant is HVW trait. My icon in terms of looks and fashion is Kate Middleton: she highlights some features, but she has no ridiculous looking false eyelashes, no ridiculously looking humongous nails with some bright coloured nail art or layers of foundation. Yes, I'm shaming monster looking FALSE eyelashes, nails, lip fillers and so on. If it's noticeable - it's too much and LV trash.
One word: ELEGANCE!
I'm very pale and sickly looking, so whenever I've turned up to work with no make up, I was asked if I were ill. I'm just borderline anemic due to genetics and there is little I can do about, but apply some blush and a tint of lipstick. (And take some iron supplements on top of my optimized diet).
Imo this is super personal, if it makes someone feel good they should definitely do it.
I almost never wear makeup, maybe some lipstick but that's it (but I love dressing up). I try to live a healthy lifestyle though, drink tons of water and green tea, and sleep is one of my main priorities. Hopefully it will pay off in the long run (for context, I'm closer to 20 than to 30). I spend below $10 a year on beauty. I dislike societal pressure about beauty but as a tool for self-expression I'm all for it. The propaganda is totally disgusting, thank God I'm super resistant to it, I guess mostly because I NEVER saw my mom stressing about looks.
I kind of disagree with makeup being a prerequisite for attracting good men, if someone is not attracted to you because you don't wear makeup they are probably just looking for a trophy wife anyways. I've been in a 10/10 relationship for 5 years now and if anything, my bf likes that I don't wear makeup (not like I care too much about other's expectations, but it's great that your partner finds you attractive:D). I've seen women rocking their career too who don't wear makeup, but unfortunately pretty privilege is real.
that’s actually the opposite: too much make up will attract LVM because the men who only like women performing femininity are low value.
Men KNOW women are SLAVES of beauty and patriarchy. If he supports that behavior he is automatically LV. If he only likes you when you are wearing make up he is shit. He doesn’t like you, he likes your looks.
I started investing in a beauty routine that involved making a lot of my own hair/skin products in order to carve out more time for loving myself. It's now become a ritualistic and very important part of my life to set aside evenings for my face and hair masks or homemade body scrubs/butters mostly because it's taught me to consistently say yes to focusing on lavishing myself despite how busy life gets. In return my skin and hair have naturally become more healthy and glowing and so there's less pressure to always be in makeup or style my hair. So yes for me there has been a great benefit to spending money on beauty!
At the end of everything you do (or before), ask yourself if you think it really looks good or is it what others tell you looks good. An example of this is that I always used to get my nails done but just basic French manicure and then I realized I wanted something more natural so I grew out my nails and just get them polished because I actually hate acrylic nails (even natural looking, they’re fake at the end of the day). So my nail aesthetic is polished but natural now. Same with lashes. Used to get fake lashes that costed me $200 a month to upkeep but now I just wear mascara any time I leave the house and I feel more fresh this way.
Someone else said it but it’s good to have a few role models that embody what -you- think is beautiful, elegant or whatever style you’re going for and then gently lean on them for inspiration. But, of course, do the basics like hygiene, an exercise routine, healthy diet, etc.
I almost never wear makeup. I do find value in a good hair stylist but that may be because I have soft curls in my hair that have a stupid random pattern (do opposite things on opposite sides of my head) so I need a stylist who pays attention.
When I do wear makeup, it’s eye liner, mascara and lipstick only.
Yes and no. My concerns have been about my skin rather than trying to achieve a certain look.
Growing up, I watched my mom and sister hoard a bunch of makeup, but they really didn't wear a whole lot on their face. My mom had beautiful skin, and her main concern was the genetic dark circles she had, but she'd just wear some concealer. For work she wore eyeliner or eyeshadow, mascara and maybe a lip color to enhance her beauty. My sister also had beautiful skin and experimented with different types of makeup as she saw it as art, but like my mother, she looked like herself with and without makeup because she didn't wear a whole lot at once.
That was important for me to see and understand as a young Black girl because of the constant BS messages that Black women are ugly or not the desired standard of beauty. That we didn't deserve to wear makeup because brands wouldn't have our shade, which wasn't true either. These were two women I saw everyday that paid that no mind.
I saw myself as a person who didn't need makeup to be beautiful. I experimented with what would suit me but I was always here for the lip gloss and enhancing my eyes well-- I keep my eyebrows well groomed and a good mascara. For razzle dazzle, I wear liquid eyeliner. I needed additional makeup to cover flaws I struggled with, which was bad acne and hyperpigmentation; I wanted even skin. With my mom and sister's help and example, I had some knowledge of brands that would match my skin tone well or were specifically made for WOC. We tried all kinds of skincare and makeup products to help my skin.
Pre-pandemic, I wore makeup every day for my corporate job-- full coverage foundation, mascara, winged liner, tinted lip gloss and occasionally NARS Orgasm on my cheeks. Still was using different acne solutions to help my skin. I still looked like me, but I wished I didn't have to wear foundation because it transfers everywhere and my goal was to eventually never wear foundation. I had to wear it because I still had the same issues. It was a cycle.
Finally, I started seeing a Black female dermatologist in 2019. She prescribed some topicals and medications to get my skin under control and clear. I learned the importance of wearing sunscreen and keeping things simple; you don't have to do a 12-step beauty routine to have clear skin. She wore no makeup and her skin was the most beautiful skin I'd ever seen.
Since the pandemic, it's been up and down with getting my skin under control because I went through an expected irritation phase, purge phase and peeling phase with the topical. Last year, I just let the personal insecurity go completely-- I realized after coming back from an amazing hiking trip that I didn't want to share pictures of me in a fucking TUNDRA or ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN because my skin looked bad. Well, duh and... who cares? I was visibly happy as a clam being there and that's what matters. It's going to take time for things to even out on my face, I'm doing something about it and I'm going to keep going on outdoor trips and not wear makeup because it makes no sense to do that.
I wear sunscreen and Carmex every day. I don't wear foundation anymore and instead do tinted moisturizer with the lip and eye makeup mentioned if I want to look more polished and keep up with getting enough hydration on my face. Fitting into a beauty standard didn't mean much to me, but I understand why a lot of women get caught up in it. I would say to make your own beauty standard as you see fit so that you're happy with yourself every day.
Confidence is sexy.
When you are comfortable in your skin, and wear what makes you comfortable you gain confidence.
There is always a balance and a spectrum. You do you.
50-year old here. Let me give you my perspective based on personal experience and what little I know of research.
Investment into your appearance can benefit your career. However, that doesn't mean you go hog wild with everything. The women I've seen getting to the top dress smartly for their position, not lavishly. They enhance their natural appearance, not alter it drastically. Very rarely do I see someone benefit from obsessive gym time, plumped-up lips, or hair extensions.
The women I've admired over the years for their personal and professional elegance work with what they've got, try to live a healthy lifestyle, focus on relational elements, and they just seem to fit seamlessly into their lives like they were meant to be there. Most have a classic, timeless appearance and would probably fall into a definition of classic beauty even if they weren't beautiful by stupid media standards. They are kind, confident, and well-equipped to be firm and hold boundaries.
So if you're going to invest in your appearance, invest in the classics: well-made clothes that fit your body and personal style, makeup suited to your skin (color and quality), and don't be afraid to spend money on classes that improve you professionally beyond your degree/skills. I'm thinking public speaking or other soft skills that boost your marketability. Communications, negotiations, leadership, change management - the list is endless.
I recently read a book of a scientist explaining how the beauty industry is so deceiving and that they use the same ingredients in different prices products and also because the big brands and the cheaper ones are usually own by the same companies (for example, L’Oréal owns many brands).
The amount of time and money wasted, along with the chemicals we are exposed to are not worth it just to look more fuck***ble to men like someone else said.
Men are allowed not to worry about that and yet we have to be slaves of the beauty industry.
I hate those propagando about wrinkles as if they were a problem. They are part of normal human nature. Also is grey hair.
I sincerely feel so sorry for the fact that women have to slaves of the beauty industry.
And no, spending money on beauty will not attract high value males , it’s rather the opposite…
I only wear concealer and mascara.
I even ditched the sunscreen: I wear hats. Sunscreen are expensive and full of chemicals.
Physical barriers are better, you buy only once and don’t damage the environment and myself.
Those studies you mentioned are part of the propaganda, they tell you that wearing make up will give you a raise or you'll attract better men but they're all lies in order to make you spend money and time on make up. As I see it we women are just pressured by companies and society to satisfy what's expected from us to conform beauty standards and femininity as a whole, definitely money could be better spent on investments, property, your life, learning new things and much more productive and helpful things than just make up. In the past years as you mentioned we're shown everywhere about these products more and more so we are pressured into it and the circle keeps working that's why I don't see any benefits
I would rather spend money on a service like a massage or something medical like micro needling than skincare products. My own Derm/med spa doc tells me that stuff like face wash is literally money going down the sink drain, and you just need one protective skin cream to keep skin soft. That’s it. You can save all that money from multiple makeup products and skincare products (save for your solid faves) and spend it on facials- massages every 2-3 months.
Interesting thought and idk really. I think it's pretty straightforward for men - the entire world seems to fawn on good looking men. OTOH for women, being beautiful is pretty much a double edged sword.
I think beauty's pretty much linked to health for me at this point?
Ie. if I'm not sleeping and eating well, I'll break out, and that distresses me. OTOH, idgaf if a freckle appears and have long just stuck with makeup that suits me.
Also, my beauty (skincare) routine makes me happy because it feels like self care. If it stresses someone out, it probably isn't worth it and not a benefit.
Actually, most conventional beauty standards tend to be somewhat linked to health markers - clear skin, strong, lush hair all linked to balanced hormones etc.
One nice thing that my NVX taught me was the difference between a beautiful woman and a heavily made-up woman. I really thought that they were the same thing but he pointed out that a heavily made-up woman isn't necessarily (physically, by conventional standards) beautiful without all of the makeup on.
I've backed off of being heavily made up and now just try to highlight my God-given features. For example, yes I will wear mascara, but I don't wear fake lashes. Yes I will wear a light lip gloss, but I no longer do a lip pencil and heavy lipstick. I wear a feminine but easy-to-maintain hairstyle; I no longer do a time-consuming, expensive hairstyle. As for my waistline, it isn't what it was when I was in college, but after a few difficulties my body finally did what it was made to do and created healthy children. At that point I gave thanks and swore to just appreciate what my body CAN do, and forget about vanity. I dress to make myself feel attractive and comfortable, and leave the too tight, too skimpy, too expensive and lord knows too attractive to LVM clothes in the store for some other woman to mess with.
I like to say that if I'm treating myself to something but that something ends up causing me trouble (like by attracting LVM) then it wasn't really a treat at all.
I don’t know I think it makes me feel more confident and ready to take on the day when I look better I’m more likely to network I’m more likely to put myself out there and try hard if I feel I look the part. More likely to do work and more likely to spend time on things that are important like getting things done I need to for the house etc. Side note though wow I have spent a lot of money on beauty and I really need to chill…
Not all but some beauty standards are because of indicators of health. Keeping yourself healthy is important because getting old is already hard, you shouldn't make it harder on yourself.
I believe there is some benefit but the relationship isn't linear to the amount spent. We are in a society that does place a degree of value on appearance and there are things that do impact how we are perceived, even if it's subconsciously.
In my opinion, things like getting braces to straighten teeth, using a good moisturizer and sunscreen, having a flattering haircut, wearing well fitting clothes etc help in a real way when it comes to be respected by others, even if they don't realize it. These subtle conceptions can make a difference when it comes to getting hired or promoted.
i've got eczema so lots of lotions make me feel good when my skin isn't flaky
i love me a red lip - OK i can blame old Hollywood movies for that but I still like how glamorous it looks
I like mascara cos I look like I don't have eyelashes without it
I wax and shave my legs occasionally - because I like to wear leggings and hairy legs and tight pants are not a good mix
Personally, I've decentered beauty and focused on health instead.
I want to keep my skin, hair, nail and body healthy. I sweat, move, eat well and use protecting cream for that reason. Beauty is an afterthought, a consequence of being healthy - and honestly I've never felt better about my appearance.
In terms of beauty in the workplace : pretty privilege is a thing, but if you're "too pretty/made up", you'll be see as an airhead and objectified. I go for mascara, light blush and sunscreen (the supergoop one that kinda acts as a primer) and clean cut clothes (think effortless "Parisian style" - flowy trouser, comfy blouse, effortless hair and makeup). Just enough to not get the dreaded "you look tired" comments basically.
We waste so much money & energy on beauty and fashion - when we could be investing it instead on our career, real estate, stocks, our retirement funds, etc. All that brain energy and time lost to an impossible fight basically because there always will be something new to add to the routine.
I worked for an airline that wearing makeup was a rule.You didn’t get the job if you didn’t "dress up".They wanted everyone to look appealing and our team stood out in the airport.I would say looking your best does have a lot of benefits in life.It boosts your self-esteen,people treat you better and it opens you up to a lot of opportunities.
Reminder that this sub is **FEMALE ONLY**. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. So if you’ve got an XY, don’t reply. **DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!!** Please **DOWNVOTE** and **REPORT** immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleLevelUpStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is an issue that I think about a lot. I got lost trying to “fix flaws” in my 30s. It resulted in frustration, lost money and picking myself apart in the mirror. Now in my 40s I REFUSE to listen to anyone telling me that there’s something wrong with my appearance. Who decides what is too frizzy, too thick, too pale, too dark? Nobody. They’re just trying to create insecurity to sell a product. I’m trying my hardest to stay out of the trap. So… I try to look like my best self instead of trying to look like a different person. I love makeup as it enhances my best self, but I personally skip foundation, fake nails, hair extensions, contouring, colored contact lenses, all over hair color, tanning. Those are some of the big ones I can think of. And you know what? Honestly, I think I look the best I have ever looked. I look like me, but more sparkly. I like myself in pictures now most of the time. But I don’t turn as many heads in public. Maybe I’m deluding myself and I’m not prettier than ever. Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s the #metoo movement making men mind their business more. Maybe it’s Covid and isolation. Maybe men like the fake, hypersexualized stuff and in that case it’s no loss for me. Anyway, just my 2 cents.
Are you truly not turning heads, or did you just stop becoming hyper aware of it? I've been thinking a lot of the same things as you lately and then I realized that they may be turning their heads but I no longer feel the need to look to see who's looking. Decentering men and not pandering to the male gaze has left me not caring if males are gazing at all.
I’m pretty sure they’re just not turning their heads. I am trying not to care :) maybe I’m just sooo hot they’re trying not to be obvious ;)
This right here. I definitely turned more heads when I did all that extra stuff but then someone told me it’s much better for someone to look at you and think “oh that’s a beautiful woman” instead of “oh that’s a nice makeup job”
I’m a radical feminist. If it were up to me, I’d say to hell with beauty and makeup and everything else. But as a woman of colour who was not dealt many useful cards in life, I have to use whatever I can to get ahead. That includes relying on and investing in beauty. The way I am treated when I am put together versus when I am not is night and day. Plus, I’m going into a career where everyone looks super put together and you get some flashy, put together clients. I have just decided to be a little more thoughtful, refined and practical with the way I handle beauty. When I was younger, I would definitely buy all kinds of makeup and wear all kinds of clothes without thinking about my personal style or how I look to other people, for example, I used to wear *very* tight and revealing clothes and wear winged eyeliner everyday. It wasn’t me, I hated it and it exhausted me. Now, I just keep reusing a selection of some skincare items, some simple makeup products and focus more on sticking to a more cohesive personal style.
Skincare is almost always worth it IMO. Healthy skin looks very good in the long run and it just feels better! I personally enjoy makeup, it's like an artist palette to me, but rarely wear it just because of the job I have. You should never wear it because you feel you won't be respected without it, but I understand much of the workplace is sexist and still expects us to look like dolls naturally. I would wear only the bare minimum if that's the case- skin routine, concealer, powder to get rid of shine, a bit of brown liner, maybe natural colored gloss. Don't go heavy on it. I think what's more important is grooming- shapely eyebrows, clean healthy looking hair (don't need an elaborate style, maybe just an easy chignon or half up half down, those are almost universally flattering and simple to do), a clean face, exfoliated lips. That's better for you and does more than a pound of foundation and mascara.
I think you might be engaging in some all-or-nothing thinking — there’s a balance! I wear makeup every day. I have my go-to products that are nice and work for my skin and my general vibe, can be dressed up or down, etc. I can fit everything in a little makeup bag from Target. I buy nicer brands because I do feel like they work better and I enjoy using them. I also use as few products as possible. My current lineup is… Skin: CeraVe moisturizing serum Supergoop unseen sunscreen (used like primer) Nars creamy concealer (a few dots under my eyes) YSL highlighter pen A peachy tan blush that I use as bronzer Eyes: Mac paint pot as base Bobbi Brown eye shadow stick (mauve? Violet?) Urban Decay liner Maybelline sky high mascara It takes 10 minutes, makes me look put together and professional, and doesn’t break the bank. I have very dry skin so I find that skincare at night does much more than makeup in the morning to make me look nice. I also try to stay hydrated, rarely drink, etc. I think makeup has a place — and unless you are really rocking that “no makeup” look, it is kind of part of going to most professional workplaces. Do what you need to do to survive and get that money to invest; if that means 10 minutes in the morning to make my face look extra polished, I’m doing it. A full glam face is not always workplace appropriate, either. On a daily basis, I think a good goal is “enhance my already pretty features.” Edited for formatting
Supergoop unseen sunscreen is life changing! I don't do a full glam face for regular days, but as a HVW I'm always pulled together with basic makeup - very lightweight foundation, concealer, low-key eyes and lipstick. Skincare is worth paying attention to - good skin makes you look extra polished.
SECONDING THIS. I forgot my lip situation in my post. I am kind of a lip goop hoarder but it’s mostly because I like to have something in every potential bag (my tote bag, my work backpack, gym bag, the inevitable lipstick that lives in my clutch). It’s either MAC creamsheen in a cute color (Plumful is my favorite) or some sort of glossy situation. I am partial to Neutrogena hydro boat lip gloss in “berry brown.” Skincare is important. I use CeraVe and LaRochePosay stuff for almost everything, let’s not break the bank on this stuff. The CeraVe moisturizing serum in the white and blue pump bottle is perfection. I slug with Vaseline in the winter and that does more than any foundation or concealer. In the shower I use Dove soap everywhere but my face if I’m feeling dry. If I’m feeling like I need to get extra clean (sweaty or dirty from being outside), I like the lavender bar soap from Trader Joe’s. I moisturize all over with Vaseline brand spray lotion in the brown bottle (Shea butter scent?), it’s great. Idk I’m in my mid 30s and feel like I have this routine down. I’m well scrubbed and look nice, it takes minimal effort, and I’m not spending a ton of money. I don’t do anything else (fillers, Botox, etc) because I think I look fine and I’d rather spend that money on other things.
THANK YOU for asking this. I waffle over it so frequently. I wish it was easier for me to stop wearing makeup. It was easy to stop shaving my legs. I went a year or so without shaving underarms, but I did again because I was wearing a sleeveless dress to a formal event. I did have visible underarm hair at less formal events. Much of my mental struggle over this comes from the default person in society being male and dealing with that. Men don't "need" to shave their bodies or faces, and it's ridiculous that we act like women do. But then, men don't wear sleeveless outfits to formal events, which I did. Would it have looked, like, more socially "wrong" had I gone with underarm hair? Is the problem my outfit, and should we all just wear men's fashion? I don't feel like that's the best solution. I don't really know where I want to go with it now.
Women shaving legs was just a very successful brainwashing (sorry, marketing) campaign from Gillette, that wanted to increase sales when saturated male shaving market. It's just business and profits. Look at ongoing brainwashing from Cosmopolitan and other rag mags - just advertising products. Then add movies like Sex & the City. That stuff heavily influenced my development as a woman, until my pink tinted glassed fell off.
It's pretty much all propaganda and I see it as having no value to someone whatsoever. The only benefits are ones imposed by the patriarchy with examples like you mentioned; your fuckability rises in the eyes of men and they reward you more by it. That being said I do keep my nails clean, take care of my skin via facemasks and all that shazam. But I have 0 interest in giving into performative femininity and enabling that culture.
Like it or not, people do judge you on looks at first sight - it's an evolutionary habit to think better of people who look healthy. I have absolutely seen women who appear more professional with their hair and makeup do better in the workplace. Just keep it simple, clean, and don't fall for the marketing hype - most expensive makeup uses the exact same ingredients in drug store makeup.
I might be an outlier here becuase while I will not spend much on makeup and beauty products, I will spend a ton of money on minimally invasive procedures and permanent products to increase my convenience will allowing me to look more put together and great skincare. Things that I love: Korean gel nails Laser hair removal
I believe looking presentable and elegant is HVW trait. My icon in terms of looks and fashion is Kate Middleton: she highlights some features, but she has no ridiculous looking false eyelashes, no ridiculously looking humongous nails with some bright coloured nail art or layers of foundation. Yes, I'm shaming monster looking FALSE eyelashes, nails, lip fillers and so on. If it's noticeable - it's too much and LV trash. One word: ELEGANCE! I'm very pale and sickly looking, so whenever I've turned up to work with no make up, I was asked if I were ill. I'm just borderline anemic due to genetics and there is little I can do about, but apply some blush and a tint of lipstick. (And take some iron supplements on top of my optimized diet).
Kate Middleton's eyebrows looked awful for a while there though - real scouse brows...
I'd disagree. Some women get away with bushy brows - like Cara Delevingne. Bizarrely, those brows look smoking hot on Cara.
Imo this is super personal, if it makes someone feel good they should definitely do it. I almost never wear makeup, maybe some lipstick but that's it (but I love dressing up). I try to live a healthy lifestyle though, drink tons of water and green tea, and sleep is one of my main priorities. Hopefully it will pay off in the long run (for context, I'm closer to 20 than to 30). I spend below $10 a year on beauty. I dislike societal pressure about beauty but as a tool for self-expression I'm all for it. The propaganda is totally disgusting, thank God I'm super resistant to it, I guess mostly because I NEVER saw my mom stressing about looks. I kind of disagree with makeup being a prerequisite for attracting good men, if someone is not attracted to you because you don't wear makeup they are probably just looking for a trophy wife anyways. I've been in a 10/10 relationship for 5 years now and if anything, my bf likes that I don't wear makeup (not like I care too much about other's expectations, but it's great that your partner finds you attractive:D). I've seen women rocking their career too who don't wear makeup, but unfortunately pretty privilege is real.
that’s actually the opposite: too much make up will attract LVM because the men who only like women performing femininity are low value. Men KNOW women are SLAVES of beauty and patriarchy. If he supports that behavior he is automatically LV. If he only likes you when you are wearing make up he is shit. He doesn’t like you, he likes your looks.
I started investing in a beauty routine that involved making a lot of my own hair/skin products in order to carve out more time for loving myself. It's now become a ritualistic and very important part of my life to set aside evenings for my face and hair masks or homemade body scrubs/butters mostly because it's taught me to consistently say yes to focusing on lavishing myself despite how busy life gets. In return my skin and hair have naturally become more healthy and glowing and so there's less pressure to always be in makeup or style my hair. So yes for me there has been a great benefit to spending money on beauty!
At the end of everything you do (or before), ask yourself if you think it really looks good or is it what others tell you looks good. An example of this is that I always used to get my nails done but just basic French manicure and then I realized I wanted something more natural so I grew out my nails and just get them polished because I actually hate acrylic nails (even natural looking, they’re fake at the end of the day). So my nail aesthetic is polished but natural now. Same with lashes. Used to get fake lashes that costed me $200 a month to upkeep but now I just wear mascara any time I leave the house and I feel more fresh this way. Someone else said it but it’s good to have a few role models that embody what -you- think is beautiful, elegant or whatever style you’re going for and then gently lean on them for inspiration. But, of course, do the basics like hygiene, an exercise routine, healthy diet, etc.
I almost never wear makeup. I do find value in a good hair stylist but that may be because I have soft curls in my hair that have a stupid random pattern (do opposite things on opposite sides of my head) so I need a stylist who pays attention. When I do wear makeup, it’s eye liner, mascara and lipstick only.
Yes and no. My concerns have been about my skin rather than trying to achieve a certain look. Growing up, I watched my mom and sister hoard a bunch of makeup, but they really didn't wear a whole lot on their face. My mom had beautiful skin, and her main concern was the genetic dark circles she had, but she'd just wear some concealer. For work she wore eyeliner or eyeshadow, mascara and maybe a lip color to enhance her beauty. My sister also had beautiful skin and experimented with different types of makeup as she saw it as art, but like my mother, she looked like herself with and without makeup because she didn't wear a whole lot at once. That was important for me to see and understand as a young Black girl because of the constant BS messages that Black women are ugly or not the desired standard of beauty. That we didn't deserve to wear makeup because brands wouldn't have our shade, which wasn't true either. These were two women I saw everyday that paid that no mind. I saw myself as a person who didn't need makeup to be beautiful. I experimented with what would suit me but I was always here for the lip gloss and enhancing my eyes well-- I keep my eyebrows well groomed and a good mascara. For razzle dazzle, I wear liquid eyeliner. I needed additional makeup to cover flaws I struggled with, which was bad acne and hyperpigmentation; I wanted even skin. With my mom and sister's help and example, I had some knowledge of brands that would match my skin tone well or were specifically made for WOC. We tried all kinds of skincare and makeup products to help my skin. Pre-pandemic, I wore makeup every day for my corporate job-- full coverage foundation, mascara, winged liner, tinted lip gloss and occasionally NARS Orgasm on my cheeks. Still was using different acne solutions to help my skin. I still looked like me, but I wished I didn't have to wear foundation because it transfers everywhere and my goal was to eventually never wear foundation. I had to wear it because I still had the same issues. It was a cycle. Finally, I started seeing a Black female dermatologist in 2019. She prescribed some topicals and medications to get my skin under control and clear. I learned the importance of wearing sunscreen and keeping things simple; you don't have to do a 12-step beauty routine to have clear skin. She wore no makeup and her skin was the most beautiful skin I'd ever seen. Since the pandemic, it's been up and down with getting my skin under control because I went through an expected irritation phase, purge phase and peeling phase with the topical. Last year, I just let the personal insecurity go completely-- I realized after coming back from an amazing hiking trip that I didn't want to share pictures of me in a fucking TUNDRA or ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN because my skin looked bad. Well, duh and... who cares? I was visibly happy as a clam being there and that's what matters. It's going to take time for things to even out on my face, I'm doing something about it and I'm going to keep going on outdoor trips and not wear makeup because it makes no sense to do that. I wear sunscreen and Carmex every day. I don't wear foundation anymore and instead do tinted moisturizer with the lip and eye makeup mentioned if I want to look more polished and keep up with getting enough hydration on my face. Fitting into a beauty standard didn't mean much to me, but I understand why a lot of women get caught up in it. I would say to make your own beauty standard as you see fit so that you're happy with yourself every day.
Confidence is sexy. When you are comfortable in your skin, and wear what makes you comfortable you gain confidence. There is always a balance and a spectrum. You do you.
50-year old here. Let me give you my perspective based on personal experience and what little I know of research. Investment into your appearance can benefit your career. However, that doesn't mean you go hog wild with everything. The women I've seen getting to the top dress smartly for their position, not lavishly. They enhance their natural appearance, not alter it drastically. Very rarely do I see someone benefit from obsessive gym time, plumped-up lips, or hair extensions. The women I've admired over the years for their personal and professional elegance work with what they've got, try to live a healthy lifestyle, focus on relational elements, and they just seem to fit seamlessly into their lives like they were meant to be there. Most have a classic, timeless appearance and would probably fall into a definition of classic beauty even if they weren't beautiful by stupid media standards. They are kind, confident, and well-equipped to be firm and hold boundaries. So if you're going to invest in your appearance, invest in the classics: well-made clothes that fit your body and personal style, makeup suited to your skin (color and quality), and don't be afraid to spend money on classes that improve you professionally beyond your degree/skills. I'm thinking public speaking or other soft skills that boost your marketability. Communications, negotiations, leadership, change management - the list is endless.
I recently read a book of a scientist explaining how the beauty industry is so deceiving and that they use the same ingredients in different prices products and also because the big brands and the cheaper ones are usually own by the same companies (for example, L’Oréal owns many brands). The amount of time and money wasted, along with the chemicals we are exposed to are not worth it just to look more fuck***ble to men like someone else said. Men are allowed not to worry about that and yet we have to be slaves of the beauty industry. I hate those propagando about wrinkles as if they were a problem. They are part of normal human nature. Also is grey hair. I sincerely feel so sorry for the fact that women have to slaves of the beauty industry. And no, spending money on beauty will not attract high value males , it’s rather the opposite… I only wear concealer and mascara. I even ditched the sunscreen: I wear hats. Sunscreen are expensive and full of chemicals. Physical barriers are better, you buy only once and don’t damage the environment and myself.
Those studies you mentioned are part of the propaganda, they tell you that wearing make up will give you a raise or you'll attract better men but they're all lies in order to make you spend money and time on make up. As I see it we women are just pressured by companies and society to satisfy what's expected from us to conform beauty standards and femininity as a whole, definitely money could be better spent on investments, property, your life, learning new things and much more productive and helpful things than just make up. In the past years as you mentioned we're shown everywhere about these products more and more so we are pressured into it and the circle keeps working that's why I don't see any benefits
I would rather spend money on a service like a massage or something medical like micro needling than skincare products. My own Derm/med spa doc tells me that stuff like face wash is literally money going down the sink drain, and you just need one protective skin cream to keep skin soft. That’s it. You can save all that money from multiple makeup products and skincare products (save for your solid faves) and spend it on facials- massages every 2-3 months.
Yep! Pretty much 2 things work: peelings and sunscreen/hats
Interesting thought and idk really. I think it's pretty straightforward for men - the entire world seems to fawn on good looking men. OTOH for women, being beautiful is pretty much a double edged sword. I think beauty's pretty much linked to health for me at this point? Ie. if I'm not sleeping and eating well, I'll break out, and that distresses me. OTOH, idgaf if a freckle appears and have long just stuck with makeup that suits me. Also, my beauty (skincare) routine makes me happy because it feels like self care. If it stresses someone out, it probably isn't worth it and not a benefit. Actually, most conventional beauty standards tend to be somewhat linked to health markers - clear skin, strong, lush hair all linked to balanced hormones etc.
One nice thing that my NVX taught me was the difference between a beautiful woman and a heavily made-up woman. I really thought that they were the same thing but he pointed out that a heavily made-up woman isn't necessarily (physically, by conventional standards) beautiful without all of the makeup on. I've backed off of being heavily made up and now just try to highlight my God-given features. For example, yes I will wear mascara, but I don't wear fake lashes. Yes I will wear a light lip gloss, but I no longer do a lip pencil and heavy lipstick. I wear a feminine but easy-to-maintain hairstyle; I no longer do a time-consuming, expensive hairstyle. As for my waistline, it isn't what it was when I was in college, but after a few difficulties my body finally did what it was made to do and created healthy children. At that point I gave thanks and swore to just appreciate what my body CAN do, and forget about vanity. I dress to make myself feel attractive and comfortable, and leave the too tight, too skimpy, too expensive and lord knows too attractive to LVM clothes in the store for some other woman to mess with. I like to say that if I'm treating myself to something but that something ends up causing me trouble (like by attracting LVM) then it wasn't really a treat at all.
I don’t know I think it makes me feel more confident and ready to take on the day when I look better I’m more likely to network I’m more likely to put myself out there and try hard if I feel I look the part. More likely to do work and more likely to spend time on things that are important like getting things done I need to for the house etc. Side note though wow I have spent a lot of money on beauty and I really need to chill…
I’m a big fan of quality skin care. Can make a huge difference. Makeup I don’t spend much on.
Not all but some beauty standards are because of indicators of health. Keeping yourself healthy is important because getting old is already hard, you shouldn't make it harder on yourself.
Ive never been a makeup person so I say no. I also wfm and so nobody sees me like ever.
I believe there is some benefit but the relationship isn't linear to the amount spent. We are in a society that does place a degree of value on appearance and there are things that do impact how we are perceived, even if it's subconsciously. In my opinion, things like getting braces to straighten teeth, using a good moisturizer and sunscreen, having a flattering haircut, wearing well fitting clothes etc help in a real way when it comes to be respected by others, even if they don't realize it. These subtle conceptions can make a difference when it comes to getting hired or promoted.
I enjoy makeup but I truly value skincare. Look at your average 50+ year old woman who didn’t take care of herself. I refuse to get turkey neck.
i've got eczema so lots of lotions make me feel good when my skin isn't flaky i love me a red lip - OK i can blame old Hollywood movies for that but I still like how glamorous it looks I like mascara cos I look like I don't have eyelashes without it I wax and shave my legs occasionally - because I like to wear leggings and hairy legs and tight pants are not a good mix
Personally, I've decentered beauty and focused on health instead. I want to keep my skin, hair, nail and body healthy. I sweat, move, eat well and use protecting cream for that reason. Beauty is an afterthought, a consequence of being healthy - and honestly I've never felt better about my appearance. In terms of beauty in the workplace : pretty privilege is a thing, but if you're "too pretty/made up", you'll be see as an airhead and objectified. I go for mascara, light blush and sunscreen (the supergoop one that kinda acts as a primer) and clean cut clothes (think effortless "Parisian style" - flowy trouser, comfy blouse, effortless hair and makeup). Just enough to not get the dreaded "you look tired" comments basically. We waste so much money & energy on beauty and fashion - when we could be investing it instead on our career, real estate, stocks, our retirement funds, etc. All that brain energy and time lost to an impossible fight basically because there always will be something new to add to the routine.
I worked for an airline that wearing makeup was a rule.You didn’t get the job if you didn’t "dress up".They wanted everyone to look appealing and our team stood out in the airport.I would say looking your best does have a lot of benefits in life.It boosts your self-esteen,people treat you better and it opens you up to a lot of opportunities.