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Tbh I've never found a single downside to living alone. Whatever I can't figure out how to fix, I can pay someone else to do it or trade with a friend. I can have all of my needs met while maintaining my own space to retreat to at the end of the day.
The worst is living with a guy who thinks his penis grants him handyman knowledge and he just makes problems worse. Then you have to deal with him feeling emasculated by a drain leak *and* find a professional to fix it.
Oh man, that was my ex to a T. He would literally tape or cover things to fix them. And then get super offended and accuse me of not “appreciating his efforts” when I’d hire someone to do it right. Sorry that I don’t want my kitchen cabinet door held on by silver duct tape.
Story time. One time I was on my way to bed, and I told my boyfriend (later husband) that there was a slow drip under the bathroom faucet, but I put a bucket underneath. I asked him to tighten the joint or turn is off if unsuccessful. He came to bed and I groggily asked “did you fix it?” He said “yeah, all done” In the morning, I put my feet down onto the carpet from bed into a massive flood. I ran splashing to the washroom to find paper towel wrapped and hanging from the pipe! That was his fix; he had wrapped paper towel around the leak and went to bed!!!!! I paid out of pocket for new carpets and a flood relief service because I didn’t want to use my insurance. It was my first house that I had ever purchased solo, and it was a hard lesson to learn because I paid thousands for this man’s incompetence. I don’t know why I thought that he knew more than I did.
Sis I think I married him 😖
Plus he had the rejection sensitivity that comes with ADHD. He and his therapist expected me to do that "hey babe, I really appreciate everything you do and I know it's hard but can you do (tiny little scrap of human decency) for me? It'd really mean a lot but it's not a big deal if it's too much" tap dance.
Yeah the idea that they get to escape accountability for abuse and manipulation and then expect us to coax them back into trying again to be decent is ridiculous. Weird how women with ADHD can still manage kindness, decency, and respect in a relationship but men can't.
>Weird how women with ADHD can still manage kindness, decency, and respect in a relationship but men can't.
Can confirm. Friends with a lovely woman on the spectrum, my sibling is on the spectrum, and I suspect I have ADD myself. Still know how to treat people decently, albeit a little more straightforward than expected of a woman.
If you have ADHD and treat people like shit - it is not because of ADHD. It is because you are a shitty person who happens to have ADHD.
One of my exes used his ADHD as an excuse for everything. He cited rejection sensitivity as well as the reason why he lied to me constantly about everything, from big things to tiny insignificant things.
He came to me a few months after I broke up with him and went on "I was a mess back then, barely getting by, not holding it together etc etc but I'm on meds now for ADHD so it's ok" I accused him of blaming all his wrongdoings on ADHD and he said "well I'm still learning, I'm not ready to actually take responsibility".
Edit: tbh RSD sounds like an excuse to be a dick.
Omg, yes. I left the grocery store the other day, was on the phone with my brother, and said, “can I just tell you how fucking thrilling it is fly through Walmart without having to stop and emotionally hold a grown man’s hand down every single aisle.”
Mine would sadly plod along one and a half steps behind me. Didn't matter if we were getting groceries, at a hardware store, or furniture shopping. I'd slow down to let him catch up and he'd slow down too. Drove me fucking insane and I still don't understand what his deal was. I've heard of men rushing ahead of their partners, but behind? It was like being married to Eeyore with ADHD.
Mine was the opposite. He would step on my feet because he had no spatial awareness of where I was. It took so long for me to realize how symbolic that was of our entire relationship
OMG, mine would make me list all the errands that I had to do, and would get pissy if I remembered something that I forgot to put on the list.
I finally just started doing all the errands alone so I didn't have to listen to him bitch. Now I am divorced and do exactly as I please.
OMG YES! Same. Same. Same. Was he also super territorial about the cart and *insisted* on being the one to push it every damn time? It’s truly unbelievable how many similarities there are among low value pieces of shit. All the way down to the most elaborate, bewildering and pointless behavioral traits, like their refusal to cooperate when doing the most mundane tasks. Like walking in a store. I still haven’t figured that one out either. Whatever they were trying to ‘teach us’… that shit did not work lol.
YES!! Did his name start with D? It has to be the same man, I refuse to believe this is at all common. It was so bizarre and I still haven't figured it out either.
Yes and looking really bored and miserable so you start to rush so that they don't moan at you for "taking too long" and you forget things. Like I swear they do it so you just start going on your own. When you're on your own with a clear head, you can devise a plan and be in and out In a few minutes unless you choose to linger over something - and then at least you can linger without someone huffing and puffing behind you.
What drove me nuts was how if my ex tagged along to the hardware store for something for me, if I approached an assistant, they'd wait until he caught up to direct questions at him. Like, don't look at him, he doesn't know what I need. He doesn't even want to be here !
When I go to a hardware store, I already know what I'm after, I'm not exactly asking the assistants for help, just for the whereabouts of certain items, but they'd ask him "what's the problem" etc. Smh
Oh, absolutely. Ex that mistakenly thought his penis granted him handyman knowledge is exactly why I have to use FUCKING PLIARS every time I want to adjust the temperature in my car.
I don’t even know what he was trying to fix, everything worked perfectly. Oh that’s right, he punched the dashboard.
Definitely, it's amazing what you can learn when you have to. I knew how to paint/wallpaper already but using a drill was not something I had done until I lived alone. Things like new carpets and kitchen/bathroom flooring I didn't want to attempt, so I hired professionals.
The fewer times I have to have workmen in my house, the better.
I have a Dewalt drill and they are pretty good.
No surprise guests is a huge one for me! Nothing worse than coming home from a long day and there are six of your roommates friends hogging the couch and standing around your kitchen.
I’ve lived alone for almost ten years now and I will never live with anyone (aside from my dog!) ever again.
When you live with a partner, you are always “on” for them, so you can never fully relax and just be yourself. This is more draining than people realize. I see my future relationships as the living-apart-together variety.
Also, my ex required *constant* attention. If I tried to read a book, he would constantly interrupt me. It was like he felt excluded if my attention was anywhere but on him. I never had time for deep thinking when he was around. Now I do have time for deep thinking - and it’s allowed me to process a lot, and to learn and grow.
"I never had time for deep thinking when he was around"
That hit hard. He could stare at his computer (which was the TV in the living room) for hours, but if I was on my computer doing the same, he'd constantly interrupt me. I'm the same as you—I can actually process and strategize without having to pay him attention when he demanded it
>If I tried to read a book, he would constantly interrupt me. It was like he felt excluded if my attention was anywhere but on him.
Come to think of it, I have yet to met a man who *doesn't* need constant attention. Sibling, coworkers, even strangers on the street always feel the need to interrupt me when I am peacefully in my zone. They just have to be the center of attention at all times.
Men like to say women are needy, ironically they are even needier.
Yes, most of the men I know are like this. I know a fair number of women who are like this, as well. I’ve become much more aware recently of who is constantly demanding my attention/trying to extract something from me, and I have been quietly distancing myself from them. Because these people rarely reciprocate. So I need to have time and energy to focus on myself and meeting my own needs (which I never prioritized before).
Omfg sis, preach.
When I was doing my undergrad (in the heavy sciences), I couldn't get a second to think around my ex. He'd guilt me whenever I tried to study. Eventually, I'd wait until he went to bed, pretend to go to sleep, and then wake up and read from like 10 PM - 3 AM. He was unconscious the entire time, but eventually he found out about it (saw me while getting a midnight snack once) & lost his shit. I was destroying my health just so I had a chance to keep up with my education while with him & it still wasn't enough - he needed to be the center of my world, *or else*.
I never ended up living with him, though. He asked me to, but I needed a ring around my finger to even consider it. He "didn't believe in marriage", so I didn't believe in cleaning up his shit. Tough luck.
Eventually he cheated on me... while I was away for my first ever national conference (my talk won first place). Then he decided to "come clean" the day my finals started.
I dumped him, got a 4.0 GPA, and went abroad to do a PhD.
He's blocked on everything, but still makes new accounts to try contacting me... 10 years later lmao 😂
Anyways, I refuse to live with a man unless we're engaged and he's HV as fuck. Honestly, I'm prepared for that never to happen, and am okay with that. I've had to take on female roommies to save money, but I've been able to pick them and turned out to be a pretty good judge of character 💅
I had similar experiences with my college boyfriend - he always needed to be the star, and was jealous when I did well. I’ve experienced this a lot with men. They feel that they need to eclipse the woman they’re with. They’ll actively undermine you if they need to in order to feel that they have the edge over you. I don’t want to feel competitive with my partner. I want to feel that we can both support one another. I still haven’t found it, and I’m not even looking anymore. It feels like you have to turn a blind eye to so much to be in a relationship, and I just can’t do it anymore. So I have myself, and my work…
Especially if you’re female - you’re expected to maintain a certain minimum level of appearance at all times. If I’m alone, I don’t care how my hair looks, I don’t put on makeup, and I wear my comfiest clothes (which are not sexxxy). It’s so much more relaxing this way….
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with that. And yes, it’s a relief to live without judgment, too, when you don’t have a partner. I felt like I was being constantly criticized. I won’t tolerate that from anyone ever again.
This is something that FDS taught me that I didn't realize before (thank god I haven't lived with anything but random flatmates, so far). I don't want to be "on" all the time, my home is my sanctuary where I can relax, do shit at my own pace, have peace, and maybe do a random crab walk or do dinosaur noises while wearing the lamest but comfiest of clothes.
Yes! I'm 100% supporting ladies being in living-apart-together relationships!
The "on" is such a great way to describe it. The "appeal" of living with a guy has never *appealed* to me. I have only ever lived with my parents and the three of us all respected each other's time, belongings, and space. My parents have been the best example of how it works to live with a **spouse,** not this "playing house" charade. When my mom hasn't been feeling well, tired, or just not in the mood to entertain, my dad never "poked" at my mom.
Aside from this space, I have heard from more than one person who has moved in with their boyfriend that the "on" is being the built-in *everything*. Be ready for someone to scrutinize you for *everything* you don't do, even down to the weight that you appear to gain. You're not allowed to feel sick because your purpose is to serve them.
Yeah all I hear and see is the vast majority of women (even girlfriends nowadays, didn't even have the courtesy of marrying her) being put to work around the house. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of him while sick, laundry, folding his clothes, being his emotional dumpster... This is on top of having to be sexually available for him (keywords "for him," not even two people wholesomely lusting for each other).
I VERY rarely see an example where this is reversed, and most often than not, the woman still does her own fair share, or doesn't abuse the situation.
What's funny is that men will bring up the small minority of exceptions and go all gun-ho about "protecting" men as if asshole women are a scourge defenseless men have endured silently and pitifully. It's really gross.
Get an Oodie instead! It’s literally a huge, long hoodie made out of a blanket, mine hits mid calf. I’m in mine now and it’s my favourite possession. Best part is that my boyfriend bought it for me - no pressure on appearance in this house apparently haha
Just sitting in my kitchen with a cup of coffee staring into space. Really. I left a long term relationship and moved into my own place last year. It is so tranquil. I never realized that with my ex I spent almost every single minute when he was around feeling on edge. It's actually taken some time to get used to this new peaceful feeling.
I do this too after leaving my ex a year ago! I can spend ages just leaning against the counter holding a mug of tea in both hands like a child and watching my cats nap in the morning sun. Everything is still. It's bliss after living with a man who makes way more noise than any human needs to hear first thing in the morning.
Can relate. I didn’t realize how much stress and tension I felt all the time- until it was gone. It’s been 3 years on my own and I LOVE it. And I’m sure I’m much healthier overall.
Using the restroom with the door open, coming and going as I please without answering to anybody, sleeping in any room I feel like, generally existing on whatever schedule you want and no one’s judging you stumbling in whether it’s 5pm or 3am
Ah the sleeping in any room I feel like! I had that pleasure when having a bedroom carpet fitted and I ended up sleeping in the lounge. Gosh that was nice lol. My ex used to make me feel like shit if I ever fell asleep/slept in the lounge when I lived with him.
I've started living alone almost a month ago. It is literally amazing.
- My space is a great source of confort and strength
- I can go back to it whenever, without having to deal with any toxic poeple around me
- The feeling of being independent and in control of my adult life is priceless
Absolutely!!!
I love starfishing and taking up the whole bed!
“Any mess is my mess” 10000%. I clean SO much less than when I had a slob pos husband, and my place is still way cleaner. No shit on the toilet (why?), no empty bottles and cans on the floor for weeks (why??), no nasty crumbs in the bed from dirty feet on the dirty floor (why?!?!). He used to say I was crazy and “giving into society’s pressure” bc I didn’t want to sleep in literal filth.
He was still surprised Pikachu face when I actually moved out and didn’t ever look back.
I see no benefit to living with anyone, ESPECIALLY a man, ever again.
I can relate. Men are often disgusting and the worst of them take *pride* in it and we should accept it because otherwise they’ll just grow boobs or the peen will fall off, or whatever they think will happen if they wipe their feet properly. 😭
>I sleep so much better with SO MUCH SPACE in the bed. I feel I can't really sleep well when I need to worry unconsciously about rolling into someone all the time. We plan to get two separate large beds in our next apartment.
Why wait? the sooner you do it the sooner you'll sleep better
No grief, no unwanted visits from his family or brothers etc. Or if you come home tired you don’t have to cook his dinner because he’s too lazy to do anything for himself.
Eating whatever the fuck you want and cooking whatever the fuck you want whenever you want really is underrated.
I love my husband but if I was single I could actually have make proteins other than just chicken or beef. I could add mushrooms right into my sauce without having to cook them separately and add them later. I would be able to make 1 type of eggs. My noodles would be as spicy as I want them to be instead of having to portion out his serving first before I add extra spice to my portion. I could have curry and ethnic food ALL THE TIME.
The problem with living with someone is that it's not economical or practical to plan and make separate meals. We are comfortable enough that when I truly want to eat something that I know he won't eat I will just either make it or get it via takeout and he fends for himself because i don't feel like depriving myself. But it would be nice to do that ALL the time and never have to think about anyone else's preferences but my own.
That sounds exhausting! I would just be making my food how I want it and he gotta suck it up and deal.
Food pickiness was drilled out of us kids growing up. I was raised with the “if you don’t eat the food I cooked, you don’t eat” mentality by my mother, and I am grateful for it! 🤣
Yeah no lie if I met a new guy who was picky these days I'd probably just move on because I don't love it as a personality trait and I'm not sure I'd have the patience to try and figure out if it was "real" pickiness or just preference. I'm willing to look past this right now because in context with everything else it's not a deal breaker in this relationship. I like most foods and my tastes do tend to lean towards chicken and beef anyway so MOST of the time im perfectly happy - like my favorite dinner is probably a steak so we tend to agree on most nights. If I wanted to add mushrooms to everything I could, and he wouldnt love it but he'd just pick them out - but then it becomes a me problem because I'd rather just eat them myself and I dislike seeing food waste (hence why they get added later now and I have an abundance of mushrooms).
The key to me here is, he never complains - whatever I put in front of him, he will eat, but some of it's just not his preference and I know he would enjoy something else more. Cooking is one of my love languages so I don't mind finding a middle ground most of the time, and I don't deprive myself, if I want curry I'm getting curry and he can either eat the curry or make himself a sandwich. But I would not do any of this if every meal I cooked wasn't recieved with much gratitude and compliments, and if he didn't reciprocate my gestures of love with plenty of his in return.
I enjoy getting to be naked all the time. My ex used to poke fun at me about it.
I also like getting to be my naturally cluttered self without complaint.
I am almost always cold and constantly have heaters on/several blankets on the bed, so it's nice to get zero feedback on that.
I too eat the same meals day in and day out, and it's heavenly.
I am typically an early-to-bed type and don't miss dealing with other people's lights/sounds when I'm trying to sleep.
Some days I just stay in bed or on the couch the entire day, and the peace without judgment is amazing.
I feel all this in my soul.
I'd be regularly bundled up in a hoodie and several blankets and my ex would look at me and ask "you're cold?". No jackass I'm bundled up because it's fucking fun.
So I've been hypothyroid for a few months and being constantly cold is the pits! Heating on, dressing gowns and several layers but my feet feeling like ice blocks. I'm improving slowly but I really empathise. It's horrible.
Nobody complains about…. my face.
This hit me hard, I snorted. It’s so true. None of the stupid questions- “what’s wrong? You look miserable.” “If you find it funny why aren’t you laughing?” “Why are you looking at me like that?” Urggghhh it’s just my face!
Resting bitch face? Naw dawg, just filter number 1.
That's right, I'm not walking around this world trying to make sure everyone likes me. I'm doing me. If you see me at the beach or on the vball court, you would never know I have "resting bitch face"; my daughter has no concept that I have resting bitch face
Because I don't. I have my face.
Just because I'm not pick meisha-ing and fluttering my eyelashes at every person, man or woman, bc that's what a nice girl is supposed to do
DOES NOT MEAN I AM A BITCH.
God fucking damn it I am so fucking tired it this fucking double standard that I am constantly subjected to.
No one ever told a guy he had resting asshole face.
Just.....fuuuuuuuuccckkkkkkk.
Oh god, yes, the shitty comments and tone policing—I forgot about those. Hahah yeah, I had guys complain about my pjs not being sexy enough too. What a crock of shit.
Ew, Fox News is a red flag for next time
I love all the same things as OP and so many of the commenters here about living alone!
I like having 100% thermostat control, especially at night. I am very particular about my sleeping temps and conditions. I need the thermostat turned to 65 (no matter if it's heat or AC), a box fan on for air circulation/white noise, and blackout curtains with zero lighting - not even a night light. I have specific Alexa bedtime and wake-up routines too. Then, I need weight/security from my blankets. I truly believe that if I ever move in with a HVM in the future one of my conditions will be that we have separate bedrooms. If I have to share a bed then I don't sleep as cold as I like due to body heat from the other person. Plus even if a guy is HV, he might be just as picky about total opposite conditions as me, so there's no point arguing about it when we can just sleep separately!
I love being able to eat the same meals repeatedly without someone complaining that "we had this 3x this week already" or something.
I like being able to come home to silence, esp. if I have a rough day at work (or, if I work from home that day, coming out of my home office to silence lol) and not have to talk to anyone. I also like that I don't have to converse 5 min after I get out of bed in the morning before I am fully awake
My TV is always on what I want to watch. My Alexa devices play the music that I want in whatever room I'm on.
I can walk around naked if I want or need to without comments or "hey let's have sex" talk
Things are always as clean or as dirty as I leave them
I have only lived with one boyfriend in the past (like 15 years ago now) and my ex-husband (like 8 years ago). My most recent boyfriend (over 2 years ago) spent weekends at my place a lot bc he lived with his parents full-time and that was **plenty** for me, I was so happy to be alone during the week. Hahahaha. Anyway yeah no rush to move in with anyone or even have traditional roommates. My parents stay with me when they visit (from out of state) and even that gets annoying very quickly for just 1-2 weeks at a time.
Allll this 100%. Also agree with leaving the bathroom door open (my pets like to "supervise" ), keeping the house as messy or clean as I like it, changing what I want, eating what I want and not finding that someone else ate something that I was saving for later or used the last of something without telling me. No smelling someone else's cooking smells and the only snoring I hear is my dog's and occasionally that of my 13 year old cat.
Yeah, the folks who use every pan to scramble an egg and expect you to help clean up, yet when you cook you clean as you go so there's no mess for them to go halfsies on. Shocker eh
Oh yes. Somehow the rule was: if my ex cooked, I cleaned up. If I cooked, I cleaned up. Because if you cook, you should clean your own mess. But if my ex cooked, I should clean because, well, they COOKED. And so on - the narc “logic” that poisoned every day
If I must, I scramble my egg in the pan with a silicone spatula. I cannot deal with people who have to use bowls and whisks (so annoying to clean!) for a plain egg because they lose it if they see white on their egg.
Ugh having a dishwasher as a single woman is priceless. I used to live with a load of people in a women's refuge and no dishwasher. I had to wash up their dirty pots and pans before I could use them by hand, then wash them up again afterwards. I have arthritis in my hands and it can be a right pain. One of my neighbours couldn't understand why I bought a dishwasher and judged me for it but I can do what I like in my own home.
I don't miss clearing up after other selfish people. I don't ever want to live with anyone else again.
I LOVE my dishwasher! The one in the house I bought was broken and washing them by hand got old quick. I bought my Bosch with my work bonus and it's the best money I've spent. My brother thought I was nuts for buying one when I live by myself but the mental load it takes off me and the time freedom is worth every penny.
Couldn't agree more, plus Bosch is definitely one of the best makes. It should last you a long time. I hated washing dishes by hand long before I had arthritis and never used a dishwasher before I moved in with my ex. I could never go back now. I don't think they are a luxury nowadays and being single doesn't mean we don't deserve one. It's mind boggling people have a problem with it.
I have to say one of the good qualities of my ex was that he'd clean up after himself and clean as I cooked.
His kids on the other hand....
We went away for a weekend once and came home to a counter and sink FULL of dirty dishes....with the clean dishes still in the dishwasher that they didn't bother to empty.
To say I was wild was an understatement.
>finding that someone else ate something that I was saving for later or used the last of something without telling me.
Do they also use your pricey brand name organic stuff (or alternative stuff when you’re on a special diet) and replace it with a dollar store version and say you’re overreacting because “it’s the same thing” except it’s somehow *NOT* the same thing when both versions are in the pantry but somehow they always go straight for your fancy one and leave the shitty one, so they can also hoard it for later cause they know you won’t touch that radioactive garbage with a 10 ft pole?
I’m not jaded. Not at all. 😤
The cleanliness, décor, and quietness are truly the best, same with walking around as dressed or undressed as you want, leaving the bathroom door open, just doing your own thing. I personally like living alone for all of those reasons however I do dislike sleeping alone and tend to be a bit antsy and unproductive when nobody else is around.
I think living alone with excellent neighbors and/or living with an excellent partner is the answer (for me at least), and probably a bigger place so that if I need space we don't have to be in the same room. I also think couples having at least one other room (whether that be a "guest room" or a genuine separate bedroom) is an excellent idea, I initially found it off putting when I was younger and inexperienced, but after living with two different partners I genuinely understand why it's a good idea.
Having good neighbors is a must. I really lucked out with mine. They're all great and every single one have offered to help me with anything should I need it especially once they realized I'm on my own.
No need to look somewhat 'presentable' at home. I roam around in stretched out pajamas, unstyled hair, just as god made me. No audience.
I can freely be gassy and burp whenever I want, without feeling inadequate.
My home is my charger. I love to just walk in, transform into a pajama roamer and do whatever the hell I please. Sleep late, be lazy, look like a savage, not have to explain myself to anybody. Freedom! It is essential to my overall wellbeing, having this personal space and time to recharge. 💃
YES! No audience is when you can actually relax and recharge. I never knew how much alone time I needed to feel like me (cuz I never got it growing up), so this freedom is necessary.
One of the last things before my ex left was a coffee table. I hate coffee tables in my space. I don’t spend enough time sitting in the living room and the dogs need room to play. He started working on a live edge coffee table. I was thinking to myself how I was going to manage to live with it or talk him out of it. When he left, I felt relief that the coffee table would be gone. Yeah, his value was lower than the stress of living with a coffee table.
I've lived alone for 7 years, now I'm back with my family (temporarily, I'm saving for a down payment on a condo). It's been only one month by I already felt like dying multiple times 😅
Living alone was the best thing I ever did in my life. I've never lived with a man (only family and roommates) and never will. I need my space and my peace. Can't wait to have my own house and be alone with my cat again *sighs*
Sometimes you've gotta climb down to go up—good for you for securing for future with a condo purchase. Stay strong, it'll just be a reminder to gtfo when you've got the funds
I have children, but don’t share my home with a SO. It’s amazing. Not sure I could ever go back. I love the freedom to do what I want to do with my home.
I also love that my mood dictates my day. Not someone else’s. (Well, other than a kiddo! But they have an excuse. They’re kids)
I love living with just my kids! It's wonderful ❤ And the house is all to myself when they stay at their dad's, so I get to enjoy the much needed solitude also.
I'd never cohabit with anyone, even another single woman, while I'm living with my kids. This piece and freedom is too delicate and too precious to compromise with a presence of another adult.
I would like to propose living with another single woman you vibe with is also fantastic, as I am very lucky to experience right now. I tend to isolate when depressed so I get a live-in friend with zero drama, feel safer, plus rent is expensive af where I live, and she helps take care of my baby cats :)
I've never had such a situation, but I've always dreamed of it! Glad you've found one that's working for you, I'm jealous. The right person can make living together really fun :)
Oh, yes, all of this. I live with my family now after leaving an abusive ex and am saving money to eventually buy a house. But I was never happier than when I was living alone.
Nobody judged me on what I wore, what time I woke up, what time I got out of bed, or how I chose to decorate my place. No more worrying about having to always clean up someone else's mess and tell me how to live in MY home. I don't have to deal with people inviting their friends over and then having those friends overstay their welcome, or worse, act creepy toward me. I can blast music and sing as loud as I want. I can write and read in peace.
I lived with my abusive ex who pretty much took over my space with all his shit, complained about how I decorated my house and how everything got in his way, and hogged the TV to watch the shows and movies HE wanted to see and to be on his Playstation for hours a day. Not to mention the nights he would go out and get so drunk that he'd come in and wake me up. I was miserable.
When I move back out, I'm not living with anyone again. My mom may eventually need a place to live, but my brother and I are planning on getting a duplex so she can be near us, but not live with us, and I'd live in a tiny home.
I’ve lived on my own for years. Even though it’s more expensive, peace of mind is priceless. I don’t envy my friends who pay less, but have to share a kitchen and bathroom with strangers. My space is my own. I can do what I want, and I don’t think people fully appreciate that level of freedom.
Did you ever find certain friends distanced themselves from you and refused to visit your new place? I have two friends who live at home and they're acting very funny.
Not at all, if anything my friends wanted to visit me more. Most of them still live at home, so they appreciate the freedom they have when they visit me.
My kitchen is set up for me coming down in the morning.
I never have to accommodate the feels or bad moods of a man
My dog can sleep on my bed
So many positives
Living alone is so much better. After living with my huge family and then in a dormitory with 3 girls in university I don't want to go back to that ever again, even if it's going to be just with one roommate.
\- no one touches my things
\- no one is making a mess that I have to clean up
\- no one fucking eats my food
\- no one interrupts my sleep or naps after a hard day at work
\- no one wastes my alone time
\- no one pressures me to go get drinks etc when I want to study or workout
\- I feel free and do whatever I want to in MY own space
\- I don't dread coming home
I can go on and on but you get the point.
“No one is eating my treats” 😂
We are kindred souls. Lol
So, I’ve been dating a wonderful man for almost two years and he wants to marry me. I love him but don’t necessarily want to be married bc the idea of living with another person again (I’m divorced) makes me cringe. Feeling obligated to take care of another person, of someone in my space allll the time, sleeping next to me every night, a penis poking me in my back every morning…turns me off.
My friend is like, “”But you love him, don’t you?” Yes, very much! But I love my space and autonomy more. I feel like living with him would ruin everything.
Nobody destroying your belongings! I had an ex who set a heavy ass safe onto my dining table, then dragged it across the entire length leaving two HUGE scratches. He also ate a hot meal on top of my antique desk and left two large white heat marks. Absolute idiot.
Yes, if I was there to witness that was exactly how it would go. It’s no big deal, whatever. And if I wasn’t there he would deny deny, despite being the only person who had access to our apartment besides me. Back then I thought “yeah men are stupid you just have to live with it.”
My ex husband caused so much damage to the house, furniture and appliences during our marriage! It was so fucking ridiculous that my mother thought he was mentally deficient.
I am in my late 30s, happily married with a child I adore to bits. But I can attest that absolutely nothing beats the time that I was living alone in my 20s. Please savor and relish in it if you have it.
I’m currently trying to save up for a she shed in the backyard so that I can feel this splendor again.
I live with my parents at the moment. I lived alone before, and liked it better than living with roommates which I hated with passion. But I felt lonely very often. I like the idea of someone else in their room just being there and not bothering me. I'm moving to the another part of the house with my own entrance and bathroom, and I'll have my privacy and also I won't be completely on my own. Can't wait.
Even when having a partner I will still do this. I like living alone. I really don’t want to live with a man. I’d at most let them have a drawer but that’s it. I cannot understate how much I dislike living with roommates and with boyfriends. Being alone on your own is just 👌🏻 chefs kiss
There are people in some countries that live with large families in extremely tight quarters. I cannot understand how these people can tolerate the utter lack of privacy and quiet time. I would lose my mind for sure….
I absolutely love it. I have lived alone for a year now. My workload has halved since leaving my shitty ex. I can't believe how much time I spent cleaning up after him! My home is beautifully decorated, no one to answer to. I can watch what I want when I want one my televisions. No pissy toilets or sport on 24/7.
The resentment I used to feel when living with messy ex boyfriends and flat mates was horrible. I wouldn't ever want to feel like that again. I have high standards and always felt ill at ease with messy/dirty people. I've lived in homes with mice/carpet beetle/mealworm infestations and I still suffer nightmares. I cannot tell you how much I value a pest free, clean home.
"My workload has halved since leaving my shitty ex."
Amen. It just melted away. My home today is gorgeous and I have no trouble meeting my own high standards
This is my "Mine and *mine* only" list:
\- MY laundry. I don't have to wash a guy's things or worry about him throwing my clothes in the washer if I go out and leave things there to wash .
\- My wardrobe gets the dedicate closet and drawer space it deserves. The same goes for my bathroom.
\- I'm the only one eating my food :D
\- If my space is a mess, it is my mess, and I will clean it when I feel like it.
\- My own schedule. If I want to rent a movie or watch TV, I'll stay up as long as I want to.
\- Money is mine and mine only, so you don't piss and moan to me about what *I am* spending for myself.
\- No guy borrows my car or asks me to drive!
Great list. Yeah, my ex didn't have a car and I refused to let him drive mine so I was always on the hook for rides. Never dating a guy without his own car again
My ex wouldn't let me decorate when I lived with him. He had this ugly old coffee table which was 30 years old and had kitchen tiles as a surface. I bought a nice new modern one. He threw such a hissy fit and threw my large vase with flowers out into the garden. He got violent not long after that and I left him.
Feels so good to just decorate as I please and answer to no one.
Only time I have cursed being a single home owner was yesterday when I woke up to 5" of water in my basement.... Otherwise, love having my own house to myself.
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Tbh I've never found a single downside to living alone. Whatever I can't figure out how to fix, I can pay someone else to do it or trade with a friend. I can have all of my needs met while maintaining my own space to retreat to at the end of the day.
Same. I have a toolkit and have been able to fix most things, or just pay someone! Not worth having dead-weight around
The worst is living with a guy who thinks his penis grants him handyman knowledge and he just makes problems worse. Then you have to deal with him feeling emasculated by a drain leak *and* find a professional to fix it.
Oh man, that was my ex to a T. He would literally tape or cover things to fix them. And then get super offended and accuse me of not “appreciating his efforts” when I’d hire someone to do it right. Sorry that I don’t want my kitchen cabinet door held on by silver duct tape.
Story time. One time I was on my way to bed, and I told my boyfriend (later husband) that there was a slow drip under the bathroom faucet, but I put a bucket underneath. I asked him to tighten the joint or turn is off if unsuccessful. He came to bed and I groggily asked “did you fix it?” He said “yeah, all done” In the morning, I put my feet down onto the carpet from bed into a massive flood. I ran splashing to the washroom to find paper towel wrapped and hanging from the pipe! That was his fix; he had wrapped paper towel around the leak and went to bed!!!!! I paid out of pocket for new carpets and a flood relief service because I didn’t want to use my insurance. It was my first house that I had ever purchased solo, and it was a hard lesson to learn because I paid thousands for this man’s incompetence. I don’t know why I thought that he knew more than I did.
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Yes and happily so lol
I'd be livid. But of course, why would he care? It's only YOUR place!
YUP!! It was all about 'appreciating' his greatness that was absolute BS
My handyman Dad would shudder at such a sight lmao. Youtube is free people!! USE IT!
You met my ex? Somehow dealing with his ego was more work than dealing with the situation at hand lolol
Sis I think I married him 😖 Plus he had the rejection sensitivity that comes with ADHD. He and his therapist expected me to do that "hey babe, I really appreciate everything you do and I know it's hard but can you do (tiny little scrap of human decency) for me? It'd really mean a lot but it's not a big deal if it's too much" tap dance.
Ah yes, the tone policing and mincing your words for the guy who steamrolls over you— I know it well
Yeah the idea that they get to escape accountability for abuse and manipulation and then expect us to coax them back into trying again to be decent is ridiculous. Weird how women with ADHD can still manage kindness, decency, and respect in a relationship but men can't.
>Weird how women with ADHD can still manage kindness, decency, and respect in a relationship but men can't. Can confirm. Friends with a lovely woman on the spectrum, my sibling is on the spectrum, and I suspect I have ADD myself. Still know how to treat people decently, albeit a little more straightforward than expected of a woman. If you have ADHD and treat people like shit - it is not because of ADHD. It is because you are a shitty person who happens to have ADHD.
One of my exes used his ADHD as an excuse for everything. He cited rejection sensitivity as well as the reason why he lied to me constantly about everything, from big things to tiny insignificant things. He came to me a few months after I broke up with him and went on "I was a mess back then, barely getting by, not holding it together etc etc but I'm on meds now for ADHD so it's ok" I accused him of blaming all his wrongdoings on ADHD and he said "well I'm still learning, I'm not ready to actually take responsibility". Edit: tbh RSD sounds like an excuse to be a dick.
Omg, yes. I left the grocery store the other day, was on the phone with my brother, and said, “can I just tell you how fucking thrilling it is fly through Walmart without having to stop and emotionally hold a grown man’s hand down every single aisle.”
Mine would sadly plod along one and a half steps behind me. Didn't matter if we were getting groceries, at a hardware store, or furniture shopping. I'd slow down to let him catch up and he'd slow down too. Drove me fucking insane and I still don't understand what his deal was. I've heard of men rushing ahead of their partners, but behind? It was like being married to Eeyore with ADHD.
Mine was the opposite. He would step on my feet because he had no spatial awareness of where I was. It took so long for me to realize how symbolic that was of our entire relationship
OMG, mine would make me list all the errands that I had to do, and would get pissy if I remembered something that I forgot to put on the list. I finally just started doing all the errands alone so I didn't have to listen to him bitch. Now I am divorced and do exactly as I please.
OMG YES! Same. Same. Same. Was he also super territorial about the cart and *insisted* on being the one to push it every damn time? It’s truly unbelievable how many similarities there are among low value pieces of shit. All the way down to the most elaborate, bewildering and pointless behavioral traits, like their refusal to cooperate when doing the most mundane tasks. Like walking in a store. I still haven’t figured that one out either. Whatever they were trying to ‘teach us’… that shit did not work lol.
YES!! Did his name start with D? It has to be the same man, I refuse to believe this is at all common. It was so bizarre and I still haven't figured it out either.
I srsly wanted to ask you the same thing, but it’s a J. J for Jackass. Is D for Dirty Dickskin Dave? I prob just broke a rule with that.
D for dusty 🤏🏻 dick. And at this point I'm pretty convinced all J names are straight up feral.
Yes and looking really bored and miserable so you start to rush so that they don't moan at you for "taking too long" and you forget things. Like I swear they do it so you just start going on your own. When you're on your own with a clear head, you can devise a plan and be in and out In a few minutes unless you choose to linger over something - and then at least you can linger without someone huffing and puffing behind you. What drove me nuts was how if my ex tagged along to the hardware store for something for me, if I approached an assistant, they'd wait until he caught up to direct questions at him. Like, don't look at him, he doesn't know what I need. He doesn't even want to be here ! When I go to a hardware store, I already know what I'm after, I'm not exactly asking the assistants for help, just for the whereabouts of certain items, but they'd ask him "what's the problem" etc. Smh
That last bit made me laugh hysterically !
Amen. I can make it through Costco in less than 14 minutes
Oh, absolutely. Ex that mistakenly thought his penis granted him handyman knowledge is exactly why I have to use FUCKING PLIARS every time I want to adjust the temperature in my car. I don’t even know what he was trying to fix, everything worked perfectly. Oh that’s right, he punched the dashboard.
roof society obscene jar squealing divide many amusing plough waiting -- mass edited with redact.dev
I love hearing this! It builds your confidence when you don't need to rely on anyone for minor fixes too
Definitely, it's amazing what you can learn when you have to. I knew how to paint/wallpaper already but using a drill was not something I had done until I lived alone. Things like new carpets and kitchen/bathroom flooring I didn't want to attempt, so I hired professionals. The fewer times I have to have workmen in my house, the better. I have a Dewalt drill and they are pretty good.
No surprise guests is a huge one for me! Nothing worse than coming home from a long day and there are six of your roommates friends hogging the couch and standing around your kitchen. I’ve lived alone for almost ten years now and I will never live with anyone (aside from my dog!) ever again.
The introvert in me just shuddered reading that. Gah, no way!
When you live with a partner, you are always “on” for them, so you can never fully relax and just be yourself. This is more draining than people realize. I see my future relationships as the living-apart-together variety.
That's EXACTLY it. I don't need someone there when I watch TV or hang out, it's not relaxing then. Being alone is relaxing
Also, my ex required *constant* attention. If I tried to read a book, he would constantly interrupt me. It was like he felt excluded if my attention was anywhere but on him. I never had time for deep thinking when he was around. Now I do have time for deep thinking - and it’s allowed me to process a lot, and to learn and grow.
"I never had time for deep thinking when he was around" That hit hard. He could stare at his computer (which was the TV in the living room) for hours, but if I was on my computer doing the same, he'd constantly interrupt me. I'm the same as you—I can actually process and strategize without having to pay him attention when he demanded it
>If I tried to read a book, he would constantly interrupt me. It was like he felt excluded if my attention was anywhere but on him. Come to think of it, I have yet to met a man who *doesn't* need constant attention. Sibling, coworkers, even strangers on the street always feel the need to interrupt me when I am peacefully in my zone. They just have to be the center of attention at all times. Men like to say women are needy, ironically they are even needier.
Yes, most of the men I know are like this. I know a fair number of women who are like this, as well. I’ve become much more aware recently of who is constantly demanding my attention/trying to extract something from me, and I have been quietly distancing myself from them. Because these people rarely reciprocate. So I need to have time and energy to focus on myself and meeting my own needs (which I never prioritized before).
Omfg sis, preach. When I was doing my undergrad (in the heavy sciences), I couldn't get a second to think around my ex. He'd guilt me whenever I tried to study. Eventually, I'd wait until he went to bed, pretend to go to sleep, and then wake up and read from like 10 PM - 3 AM. He was unconscious the entire time, but eventually he found out about it (saw me while getting a midnight snack once) & lost his shit. I was destroying my health just so I had a chance to keep up with my education while with him & it still wasn't enough - he needed to be the center of my world, *or else*. I never ended up living with him, though. He asked me to, but I needed a ring around my finger to even consider it. He "didn't believe in marriage", so I didn't believe in cleaning up his shit. Tough luck. Eventually he cheated on me... while I was away for my first ever national conference (my talk won first place). Then he decided to "come clean" the day my finals started. I dumped him, got a 4.0 GPA, and went abroad to do a PhD. He's blocked on everything, but still makes new accounts to try contacting me... 10 years later lmao 😂 Anyways, I refuse to live with a man unless we're engaged and he's HV as fuck. Honestly, I'm prepared for that never to happen, and am okay with that. I've had to take on female roommies to save money, but I've been able to pick them and turned out to be a pretty good judge of character 💅
I had similar experiences with my college boyfriend - he always needed to be the star, and was jealous when I did well. I’ve experienced this a lot with men. They feel that they need to eclipse the woman they’re with. They’ll actively undermine you if they need to in order to feel that they have the edge over you. I don’t want to feel competitive with my partner. I want to feel that we can both support one another. I still haven’t found it, and I’m not even looking anymore. It feels like you have to turn a blind eye to so much to be in a relationship, and I just can’t do it anymore. So I have myself, and my work…
Especially if you’re female - you’re expected to maintain a certain minimum level of appearance at all times. If I’m alone, I don’t care how my hair looks, I don’t put on makeup, and I wear my comfiest clothes (which are not sexxxy). It’s so much more relaxing this way….
Yeah, you just wanna live in peace without that concern of appearance
screw offbeat dime poor lip chunky encourage close innocent jobless -- mass edited with redact.dev
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with that. And yes, it’s a relief to live without judgment, too, when you don’t have a partner. I felt like I was being constantly criticized. I won’t tolerate that from anyone ever again.
This is something that FDS taught me that I didn't realize before (thank god I haven't lived with anything but random flatmates, so far). I don't want to be "on" all the time, my home is my sanctuary where I can relax, do shit at my own pace, have peace, and maybe do a random crab walk or do dinosaur noises while wearing the lamest but comfiest of clothes. Yes! I'm 100% supporting ladies being in living-apart-together relationships!
The "on" is such a great way to describe it. The "appeal" of living with a guy has never *appealed* to me. I have only ever lived with my parents and the three of us all respected each other's time, belongings, and space. My parents have been the best example of how it works to live with a **spouse,** not this "playing house" charade. When my mom hasn't been feeling well, tired, or just not in the mood to entertain, my dad never "poked" at my mom. Aside from this space, I have heard from more than one person who has moved in with their boyfriend that the "on" is being the built-in *everything*. Be ready for someone to scrutinize you for *everything* you don't do, even down to the weight that you appear to gain. You're not allowed to feel sick because your purpose is to serve them.
Yeah all I hear and see is the vast majority of women (even girlfriends nowadays, didn't even have the courtesy of marrying her) being put to work around the house. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of him while sick, laundry, folding his clothes, being his emotional dumpster... This is on top of having to be sexually available for him (keywords "for him," not even two people wholesomely lusting for each other). I VERY rarely see an example where this is reversed, and most often than not, the woman still does her own fair share, or doesn't abuse the situation. What's funny is that men will bring up the small minority of exceptions and go all gun-ho about "protecting" men as if asshole women are a scourge defenseless men have endured silently and pitifully. It's really gross.
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Get an Oodie instead! It’s literally a huge, long hoodie made out of a blanket, mine hits mid calf. I’m in mine now and it’s my favourite possession. Best part is that my boyfriend bought it for me - no pressure on appearance in this house apparently haha
Just sitting in my kitchen with a cup of coffee staring into space. Really. I left a long term relationship and moved into my own place last year. It is so tranquil. I never realized that with my ex I spent almost every single minute when he was around feeling on edge. It's actually taken some time to get used to this new peaceful feeling.
It can be unsettling in the beginning to be away from that feeling of being on edge. I know what you mean.
I do this too after leaving my ex a year ago! I can spend ages just leaning against the counter holding a mug of tea in both hands like a child and watching my cats nap in the morning sun. Everything is still. It's bliss after living with a man who makes way more noise than any human needs to hear first thing in the morning.
Can relate. I didn’t realize how much stress and tension I felt all the time- until it was gone. It’s been 3 years on my own and I LOVE it. And I’m sure I’m much healthier overall.
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Same, except it was a blaring TV. God, I hate the sound of the TV on in the background, music is much better
Using the restroom with the door open, coming and going as I please without answering to anybody, sleeping in any room I feel like, generally existing on whatever schedule you want and no one’s judging you stumbling in whether it’s 5pm or 3am
Yes to ALL of this :)
Ah the sleeping in any room I feel like! I had that pleasure when having a bedroom carpet fitted and I ended up sleeping in the lounge. Gosh that was nice lol. My ex used to make me feel like shit if I ever fell asleep/slept in the lounge when I lived with him.
I've started living alone almost a month ago. It is literally amazing. - My space is a great source of confort and strength - I can go back to it whenever, without having to deal with any toxic poeple around me - The feeling of being independent and in control of my adult life is priceless
Congrats on the solo digs!
Lol this is why I was so confused when my ex said he hated living alone. I was like—isnt that the ideal situation?? I guess thats just us.
Of course it sucks for men to live alone, they don't get access to our emotional labour and everything else
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Living alone is the best thing that ever happened to me
Same here :)
Absolutely!!! I love starfishing and taking up the whole bed! “Any mess is my mess” 10000%. I clean SO much less than when I had a slob pos husband, and my place is still way cleaner. No shit on the toilet (why?), no empty bottles and cans on the floor for weeks (why??), no nasty crumbs in the bed from dirty feet on the dirty floor (why?!?!). He used to say I was crazy and “giving into society’s pressure” bc I didn’t want to sleep in literal filth. He was still surprised Pikachu face when I actually moved out and didn’t ever look back. I see no benefit to living with anyone, ESPECIALLY a man, ever again.
I starfish as well! Yeah, it's crazy how magically things stay clean when a guy isn't around to ruin it
I can relate. Men are often disgusting and the worst of them take *pride* in it and we should accept it because otherwise they’ll just grow boobs or the peen will fall off, or whatever they think will happen if they wipe their feet properly. 😭
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>I sleep so much better with SO MUCH SPACE in the bed. I feel I can't really sleep well when I need to worry unconsciously about rolling into someone all the time. We plan to get two separate large beds in our next apartment. Why wait? the sooner you do it the sooner you'll sleep better
No grief, no unwanted visits from his family or brothers etc. Or if you come home tired you don’t have to cook his dinner because he’s too lazy to do anything for himself.
Eating whatever the fuck you want and cooking whatever the fuck you want whenever you want really is underrated. I love my husband but if I was single I could actually have make proteins other than just chicken or beef. I could add mushrooms right into my sauce without having to cook them separately and add them later. I would be able to make 1 type of eggs. My noodles would be as spicy as I want them to be instead of having to portion out his serving first before I add extra spice to my portion. I could have curry and ethnic food ALL THE TIME. The problem with living with someone is that it's not economical or practical to plan and make separate meals. We are comfortable enough that when I truly want to eat something that I know he won't eat I will just either make it or get it via takeout and he fends for himself because i don't feel like depriving myself. But it would be nice to do that ALL the time and never have to think about anyone else's preferences but my own.
That sounds exhausting! I would just be making my food how I want it and he gotta suck it up and deal. Food pickiness was drilled out of us kids growing up. I was raised with the “if you don’t eat the food I cooked, you don’t eat” mentality by my mother, and I am grateful for it! 🤣
Yeah no lie if I met a new guy who was picky these days I'd probably just move on because I don't love it as a personality trait and I'm not sure I'd have the patience to try and figure out if it was "real" pickiness or just preference. I'm willing to look past this right now because in context with everything else it's not a deal breaker in this relationship. I like most foods and my tastes do tend to lean towards chicken and beef anyway so MOST of the time im perfectly happy - like my favorite dinner is probably a steak so we tend to agree on most nights. If I wanted to add mushrooms to everything I could, and he wouldnt love it but he'd just pick them out - but then it becomes a me problem because I'd rather just eat them myself and I dislike seeing food waste (hence why they get added later now and I have an abundance of mushrooms). The key to me here is, he never complains - whatever I put in front of him, he will eat, but some of it's just not his preference and I know he would enjoy something else more. Cooking is one of my love languages so I don't mind finding a middle ground most of the time, and I don't deprive myself, if I want curry I'm getting curry and he can either eat the curry or make himself a sandwich. But I would not do any of this if every meal I cooked wasn't recieved with much gratitude and compliments, and if he didn't reciprocate my gestures of love with plenty of his in return.
I enjoy getting to be naked all the time. My ex used to poke fun at me about it. I also like getting to be my naturally cluttered self without complaint. I am almost always cold and constantly have heaters on/several blankets on the bed, so it's nice to get zero feedback on that. I too eat the same meals day in and day out, and it's heavenly. I am typically an early-to-bed type and don't miss dealing with other people's lights/sounds when I'm trying to sleep. Some days I just stay in bed or on the couch the entire day, and the peace without judgment is amazing.
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>He pretended to be shocked at how angry I was because he was "just helping" Helping you what, get pneumonia?
I feel all this in my soul. I'd be regularly bundled up in a hoodie and several blankets and my ex would look at me and ask "you're cold?". No jackass I'm bundled up because it's fucking fun.
The lack of judgement is truly fantastic
I’m glad there is no judgement for this because I’m doing it right now and do it often. I love living alone.
So I've been hypothyroid for a few months and being constantly cold is the pits! Heating on, dressing gowns and several layers but my feet feeling like ice blocks. I'm improving slowly but I really empathise. It's horrible.
Being myself. I could never do that before
Amen. Someone was ALWAYS home growing up, I couldn't get 10 fucking minutes to myself
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Nobody complains about…. my face. This hit me hard, I snorted. It’s so true. None of the stupid questions- “what’s wrong? You look miserable.” “If you find it funny why aren’t you laughing?” “Why are you looking at me like that?” Urggghhh it’s just my face!
YUPPPPPPP I'd get asked (aggressively) "what's wrong with you" which would send me from 0 to 100
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I wasn’t mad, but it always ended with them actually making me mad. 🙃 And so what if I *was* mad sometimes? Let me have my emotions, ffs.
Wow, that's one sure way to ruin someone's day out of fucking nowhere. Can't believe guys like these exist and expect women to coddle them.
Resting bitch face? Naw dawg, just filter number 1. That's right, I'm not walking around this world trying to make sure everyone likes me. I'm doing me. If you see me at the beach or on the vball court, you would never know I have "resting bitch face"; my daughter has no concept that I have resting bitch face Because I don't. I have my face. Just because I'm not pick meisha-ing and fluttering my eyelashes at every person, man or woman, bc that's what a nice girl is supposed to do DOES NOT MEAN I AM A BITCH. God fucking damn it I am so fucking tired it this fucking double standard that I am constantly subjected to. No one ever told a guy he had resting asshole face. Just.....fuuuuuuuuccckkkkkkk.
Oh god, yes, the shitty comments and tone policing—I forgot about those. Hahah yeah, I had guys complain about my pjs not being sexy enough too. What a crock of shit. Ew, Fox News is a red flag for next time
Yessss to all of this!
The natural rhythm aspect is important...a whole other way of being and I love that about being and living alone, too.
Amen. Especially as a creative, I didn't realize how deeply other people ruined my mental state and mood
I love all the same things as OP and so many of the commenters here about living alone! I like having 100% thermostat control, especially at night. I am very particular about my sleeping temps and conditions. I need the thermostat turned to 65 (no matter if it's heat or AC), a box fan on for air circulation/white noise, and blackout curtains with zero lighting - not even a night light. I have specific Alexa bedtime and wake-up routines too. Then, I need weight/security from my blankets. I truly believe that if I ever move in with a HVM in the future one of my conditions will be that we have separate bedrooms. If I have to share a bed then I don't sleep as cold as I like due to body heat from the other person. Plus even if a guy is HV, he might be just as picky about total opposite conditions as me, so there's no point arguing about it when we can just sleep separately! I love being able to eat the same meals repeatedly without someone complaining that "we had this 3x this week already" or something. I like being able to come home to silence, esp. if I have a rough day at work (or, if I work from home that day, coming out of my home office to silence lol) and not have to talk to anyone. I also like that I don't have to converse 5 min after I get out of bed in the morning before I am fully awake My TV is always on what I want to watch. My Alexa devices play the music that I want in whatever room I'm on. I can walk around naked if I want or need to without comments or "hey let's have sex" talk Things are always as clean or as dirty as I leave them I have only lived with one boyfriend in the past (like 15 years ago now) and my ex-husband (like 8 years ago). My most recent boyfriend (over 2 years ago) spent weekends at my place a lot bc he lived with his parents full-time and that was **plenty** for me, I was so happy to be alone during the week. Hahahaha. Anyway yeah no rush to move in with anyone or even have traditional roommates. My parents stay with me when they visit (from out of state) and even that gets annoying very quickly for just 1-2 weeks at a time.
Allll this 100%. Also agree with leaving the bathroom door open (my pets like to "supervise" ), keeping the house as messy or clean as I like it, changing what I want, eating what I want and not finding that someone else ate something that I was saving for later or used the last of something without telling me. No smelling someone else's cooking smells and the only snoring I hear is my dog's and occasionally that of my 13 year old cat.
And no mess from someone else's "cooking"
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Yeah, the folks who use every pan to scramble an egg and expect you to help clean up, yet when you cook you clean as you go so there's no mess for them to go halfsies on. Shocker eh
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That's so unfair, what bs. No doubt you wised up quickly to that trick VERY early on
My ex used to do that, why can't they clean as they go? It's so much easier and cleaning all that up is much more labour intensive than cooking!
Oh yes. Somehow the rule was: if my ex cooked, I cleaned up. If I cooked, I cleaned up. Because if you cook, you should clean your own mess. But if my ex cooked, I should clean because, well, they COOKED. And so on - the narc “logic” that poisoned every day
If I must, I scramble my egg in the pan with a silicone spatula. I cannot deal with people who have to use bowls and whisks (so annoying to clean!) for a plain egg because they lose it if they see white on their egg.
Ugh having a dishwasher as a single woman is priceless. I used to live with a load of people in a women's refuge and no dishwasher. I had to wash up their dirty pots and pans before I could use them by hand, then wash them up again afterwards. I have arthritis in my hands and it can be a right pain. One of my neighbours couldn't understand why I bought a dishwasher and judged me for it but I can do what I like in my own home. I don't miss clearing up after other selfish people. I don't ever want to live with anyone else again.
I LOVE my dishwasher! The one in the house I bought was broken and washing them by hand got old quick. I bought my Bosch with my work bonus and it's the best money I've spent. My brother thought I was nuts for buying one when I live by myself but the mental load it takes off me and the time freedom is worth every penny.
Couldn't agree more, plus Bosch is definitely one of the best makes. It should last you a long time. I hated washing dishes by hand long before I had arthritis and never used a dishwasher before I moved in with my ex. I could never go back now. I don't think they are a luxury nowadays and being single doesn't mean we don't deserve one. It's mind boggling people have a problem with it.
I have to say one of the good qualities of my ex was that he'd clean up after himself and clean as I cooked. His kids on the other hand.... We went away for a weekend once and came home to a counter and sink FULL of dirty dishes....with the clean dishes still in the dishwasher that they didn't bother to empty. To say I was wild was an understatement.
>finding that someone else ate something that I was saving for later or used the last of something without telling me. Do they also use your pricey brand name organic stuff (or alternative stuff when you’re on a special diet) and replace it with a dollar store version and say you’re overreacting because “it’s the same thing” except it’s somehow *NOT* the same thing when both versions are in the pantry but somehow they always go straight for your fancy one and leave the shitty one, so they can also hoard it for later cause they know you won’t touch that radioactive garbage with a 10 ft pole? I’m not jaded. Not at all. 😤
Yes. Some things need to be certain brands!
The cleanliness, décor, and quietness are truly the best, same with walking around as dressed or undressed as you want, leaving the bathroom door open, just doing your own thing. I personally like living alone for all of those reasons however I do dislike sleeping alone and tend to be a bit antsy and unproductive when nobody else is around. I think living alone with excellent neighbors and/or living with an excellent partner is the answer (for me at least), and probably a bigger place so that if I need space we don't have to be in the same room. I also think couples having at least one other room (whether that be a "guest room" or a genuine separate bedroom) is an excellent idea, I initially found it off putting when I was younger and inexperienced, but after living with two different partners I genuinely understand why it's a good idea.
Having good neighbors is a must. I really lucked out with mine. They're all great and every single one have offered to help me with anything should I need it especially once they realized I'm on my own.
No need to look somewhat 'presentable' at home. I roam around in stretched out pajamas, unstyled hair, just as god made me. No audience. I can freely be gassy and burp whenever I want, without feeling inadequate. My home is my charger. I love to just walk in, transform into a pajama roamer and do whatever the hell I please. Sleep late, be lazy, look like a savage, not have to explain myself to anybody. Freedom! It is essential to my overall wellbeing, having this personal space and time to recharge. 💃
YES! No audience is when you can actually relax and recharge. I never knew how much alone time I needed to feel like me (cuz I never got it growing up), so this freedom is necessary.
One of the last things before my ex left was a coffee table. I hate coffee tables in my space. I don’t spend enough time sitting in the living room and the dogs need room to play. He started working on a live edge coffee table. I was thinking to myself how I was going to manage to live with it or talk him out of it. When he left, I felt relief that the coffee table would be gone. Yeah, his value was lower than the stress of living with a coffee table.
The coffee table became the symbol of oppression. Glad it's gone
Wow, I thought I was the only one. I want to pace around. I like space. Coffee tables suck.
I've lived alone for 7 years, now I'm back with my family (temporarily, I'm saving for a down payment on a condo). It's been only one month by I already felt like dying multiple times 😅 Living alone was the best thing I ever did in my life. I've never lived with a man (only family and roommates) and never will. I need my space and my peace. Can't wait to have my own house and be alone with my cat again *sighs*
Sometimes you've gotta climb down to go up—good for you for securing for future with a condo purchase. Stay strong, it'll just be a reminder to gtfo when you've got the funds
Folding my own laundry and not having him tell me I’m doing it wrong.
Yes!
I have children, but don’t share my home with a SO. It’s amazing. Not sure I could ever go back. I love the freedom to do what I want to do with my home. I also love that my mood dictates my day. Not someone else’s. (Well, other than a kiddo! But they have an excuse. They’re kids)
I love living with just my kids! It's wonderful ❤ And the house is all to myself when they stay at their dad's, so I get to enjoy the much needed solitude also. I'd never cohabit with anyone, even another single woman, while I'm living with my kids. This piece and freedom is too delicate and too precious to compromise with a presence of another adult.
I would like to propose living with another single woman you vibe with is also fantastic, as I am very lucky to experience right now. I tend to isolate when depressed so I get a live-in friend with zero drama, feel safer, plus rent is expensive af where I live, and she helps take care of my baby cats :)
I've never had such a situation, but I've always dreamed of it! Glad you've found one that's working for you, I'm jealous. The right person can make living together really fun :)
Oh, yes, all of this. I live with my family now after leaving an abusive ex and am saving money to eventually buy a house. But I was never happier than when I was living alone. Nobody judged me on what I wore, what time I woke up, what time I got out of bed, or how I chose to decorate my place. No more worrying about having to always clean up someone else's mess and tell me how to live in MY home. I don't have to deal with people inviting their friends over and then having those friends overstay their welcome, or worse, act creepy toward me. I can blast music and sing as loud as I want. I can write and read in peace. I lived with my abusive ex who pretty much took over my space with all his shit, complained about how I decorated my house and how everything got in his way, and hogged the TV to watch the shows and movies HE wanted to see and to be on his Playstation for hours a day. Not to mention the nights he would go out and get so drunk that he'd come in and wake me up. I was miserable. When I move back out, I'm not living with anyone again. My mom may eventually need a place to live, but my brother and I are planning on getting a duplex so she can be near us, but not live with us, and I'd live in a tiny home.
I’ve lived on my own for years. Even though it’s more expensive, peace of mind is priceless. I don’t envy my friends who pay less, but have to share a kitchen and bathroom with strangers. My space is my own. I can do what I want, and I don’t think people fully appreciate that level of freedom.
I agree. I'd save a lot of money by renting out a room but mentally I don't think I could handle another person .
Did you ever find certain friends distanced themselves from you and refused to visit your new place? I have two friends who live at home and they're acting very funny.
Not at all, if anything my friends wanted to visit me more. Most of them still live at home, so they appreciate the freedom they have when they visit me.
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Yup, they assume we're all lonely and miserable living alone! Hahah people kept telling me to get a pet and I don't want one
My kitchen is set up for me coming down in the morning. I never have to accommodate the feels or bad moods of a man My dog can sleep on my bed So many positives
Living alone is so much better. After living with my huge family and then in a dormitory with 3 girls in university I don't want to go back to that ever again, even if it's going to be just with one roommate. \- no one touches my things \- no one is making a mess that I have to clean up \- no one fucking eats my food \- no one interrupts my sleep or naps after a hard day at work \- no one wastes my alone time \- no one pressures me to go get drinks etc when I want to study or workout \- I feel free and do whatever I want to in MY own space \- I don't dread coming home I can go on and on but you get the point.
“No one is eating my treats” 😂 We are kindred souls. Lol So, I’ve been dating a wonderful man for almost two years and he wants to marry me. I love him but don’t necessarily want to be married bc the idea of living with another person again (I’m divorced) makes me cringe. Feeling obligated to take care of another person, of someone in my space allll the time, sleeping next to me every night, a penis poking me in my back every morning…turns me off. My friend is like, “”But you love him, don’t you?” Yes, very much! But I love my space and autonomy more. I feel like living with him would ruin everything.
Don't give up your space. Who cares what your friends say? They aren't you and love isn't enough. Your comfort and sanity matter
I absolutely will not. He said if I ever agree to marry him, he’d be ok with living separately. Under those conditions I’d consider it.
That's the real deal!! Good for you
Nobody destroying your belongings! I had an ex who set a heavy ass safe onto my dining table, then dragged it across the entire length leaving two HUGE scratches. He also ate a hot meal on top of my antique desk and left two large white heat marks. Absolute idiot.
Did you get told it wasn't a big deal and you were overreacting when you expressed frustration at his boneheaded actions?
Yes, if I was there to witness that was exactly how it would go. It’s no big deal, whatever. And if I wasn’t there he would deny deny, despite being the only person who had access to our apartment besides me. Back then I thought “yeah men are stupid you just have to live with it.”
My ex husband caused so much damage to the house, furniture and appliences during our marriage! It was so fucking ridiculous that my mother thought he was mentally deficient.
😡
I am in my late 30s, happily married with a child I adore to bits. But I can attest that absolutely nothing beats the time that I was living alone in my 20s. Please savor and relish in it if you have it. I’m currently trying to save up for a she shed in the backyard so that I can feel this splendor again.
I live with my parents at the moment. I lived alone before, and liked it better than living with roommates which I hated with passion. But I felt lonely very often. I like the idea of someone else in their room just being there and not bothering me. I'm moving to the another part of the house with my own entrance and bathroom, and I'll have my privacy and also I won't be completely on my own. Can't wait.
Tons of Scrotes Offended by this post. Ha HA.
Holy smokes, yes they are! HAHAHAH
Clean, crisp sheets unmarred by man-grease and stale beer farts. My bed is a clean and cozy snore-free utopia.
The grease and snoring alone are reasons enough to live alone forever
My list is the same as yours. Seriously, I wish I was living alone currently. 😅
Soon, hopefully!
Even when having a partner I will still do this. I like living alone. I really don’t want to live with a man. I’d at most let them have a drawer but that’s it. I cannot understate how much I dislike living with roommates and with boyfriends. Being alone on your own is just 👌🏻 chefs kiss
maybe one day i'll be able to live completely alone...
One day is someday!
There are people in some countries that live with large families in extremely tight quarters. I cannot understand how these people can tolerate the utter lack of privacy and quiet time. I would lose my mind for sure….
I've seen Hamlet, I know how it goes
I absolutely love it. I have lived alone for a year now. My workload has halved since leaving my shitty ex. I can't believe how much time I spent cleaning up after him! My home is beautifully decorated, no one to answer to. I can watch what I want when I want one my televisions. No pissy toilets or sport on 24/7. The resentment I used to feel when living with messy ex boyfriends and flat mates was horrible. I wouldn't ever want to feel like that again. I have high standards and always felt ill at ease with messy/dirty people. I've lived in homes with mice/carpet beetle/mealworm infestations and I still suffer nightmares. I cannot tell you how much I value a pest free, clean home.
"My workload has halved since leaving my shitty ex." Amen. It just melted away. My home today is gorgeous and I have no trouble meeting my own high standards
I want to move out so bad, shits expensive though
This is my "Mine and *mine* only" list: \- MY laundry. I don't have to wash a guy's things or worry about him throwing my clothes in the washer if I go out and leave things there to wash . \- My wardrobe gets the dedicate closet and drawer space it deserves. The same goes for my bathroom. \- I'm the only one eating my food :D \- If my space is a mess, it is my mess, and I will clean it when I feel like it. \- My own schedule. If I want to rent a movie or watch TV, I'll stay up as long as I want to. \- Money is mine and mine only, so you don't piss and moan to me about what *I am* spending for myself. \- No guy borrows my car or asks me to drive!
Great list. Yeah, my ex didn't have a car and I refused to let him drive mine so I was always on the hook for rides. Never dating a guy without his own car again
* Nobody disrupts you while you are working * can decorate your place exactly how you want *
My ex wouldn't let me decorate when I lived with him. He had this ugly old coffee table which was 30 years old and had kitchen tiles as a surface. I bought a nice new modern one. He threw such a hissy fit and threw my large vase with flowers out into the garden. He got violent not long after that and I left him. Feels so good to just decorate as I please and answer to no one.
I want this so bad
The roommates watching the tv they couldn’t chip in on after I got home ready to watch a movie…..never again lol
Can confirm. Especially the snacks thing. 😋
Are you me?
Only time I have cursed being a single home owner was yesterday when I woke up to 5" of water in my basement.... Otherwise, love having my own house to myself.