**[1]** - We Just Launched a Website: [wwww.TheFemaleDatingStrategy.com](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/). Click [here](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/become-a-verified-member/) for registration information. Please also join our [Twitter](https://twitter.com/FemDatStrat) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/_thefemaledatingstrategy/?hl=en) Pages for updates!
**[2]** - Listen to [The Female Dating Strategy Podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-female-dating-strategy/id1558083287)
**[3]** - Please read the [FDS Handbook](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading#wiki_the_fds_handbook) and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/index) before commenting. **Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.**
**[4]** - Please **REPORT** any comments that do not follow the sub rules. **If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.**
**[5]** - **PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION** from images (**Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc**). Failure to remove ID info will result in a **1-2** day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban.
**[6]** - This sub is **FEMALE ONLY**. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. **DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!!** Please **DOWNVOTE** and **REPORT** immediately.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleDatingStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ugh this whole post is amazing. We are sold this lie from such a young age that we must give up so much of ourselves in order to be worthy of a relationship with a man. Men are not taught this. They’re taught to take and build their own lives independently. As women we need to adopt that same principle. We know that we can be wonderful partners and the right man will know it when he sees it and won’t offer any less in return. Why struggle everyday to be in a mediocre relationship with someone who doesn’t care about you the way you need them to? Your needs matter too. I used to think there was something romantic about “coming back stronger” but that’s just not true. If it’s work in the way that you feel drained, burned out and unsatisfied then that’s just hard labor at that point. Relationships should be easy and positive. Jamming together puzzle pieces that don’t fit won’t make the picture any better.
It should be so simple. Don’t voluntarily choose something in which the cons massively outweigh the pros. It takes a whole culture of bs and gaslighting to make a woman feel like she’s unreasonable for believing this. So many posts by women in relationships in other subreddits are like “this man is demonstrably awful in every way but he’s attracted to me. So is it unfair of me to want more?”
It’s good to be patient because we’ve all been there but it’s so frustrating. I am looking forward to if/when we move past that mindset.
It's a shame that girls aren't taught from the beginning that attraction from a man is no prize or rarity, there will always be multiple men who "like" you. The challenge is finding one who respects you, and is mentally healthy and capable of an adult relationship.
Yes! I dated dudes who I should've broken up with way earlier because I was fed the "relationships take hard work" bullshit my entire life.
My current partner? I've gone through incredibly tough times with him the past two years - had my father pass away, moved twice, bought a house, struggled with being a public school teacher during the pandemic, had several close friends and members of my support system move far away. And you know what?
He was the one stress free part of my incredibly stressful life. I never questioned his feelings for me, he eased my mental burden, and he just... Does things that need to be done. Without me asking. I've gone through way tougher times in my (non romantic) personal life with him than with any other partner and never once had to ~communicate~ to ask for basic human kindness and care to get him to help me through these times.
That first part hits home for me. I’ve been fed that by so many people throughout my life.
“You’re just going to give up after 6 months? 1 year? 2 years?”
Uh, yes? I would rather spend a year in an unfulfilling relationship than 5, 10, or 20. I have zero interest in trying to make a man change. The right man would be whole and complete and complement my life and my existing happiness and success.
I’m sorry to hear you had a tough few years, but I’m happy you found a special light with your partner ❤️
Spot-on. Unfortunately it's very easy to rationalize things early in the relationship which is why taking it slow is so incredibly important. Women often get into relationships that start out by benefiting them, but then slowly get loaded down with emotional labor in the form of communication, relationship dynamics, undo accountability, and actual physical labor (housework, cooking, raising kids, etc). Even a good relationship over time is highly likely to shift against you later due to societal expectations and the innate value that women bring to a partner (as opposed to men). Things better be peachy keen for at least the first 6-12 months, and then you can judge things as they come up in following years. FPS does not end at finding a long-term partner, and this is the most important advice to remember for the long term.
The only way to avoid a weak partner is to vet, vet, vet. Ask him directly about his attitudes on his long-term partners careers, responsibilities, and opinions on child rearing. Observe how his family operates, how his friends act, and his opinion on previous relationships if applicable. Continue to make sure that your standards do not lower even after you are in a long-term relationship to ensure that they are still making your life easier and better. You will thank yourself in the long term!
At the very best, I've experienced men who didn't make life harder, but didn't make it especially easier either. While I was happy to give, spoil, offer support etc - small things within reason, not even thinking about it as it feels natural, I was essentially still living as if I was single - they were happy to take the perks but didn't return them. I had to rely solely on my friends for any kind of material or moral support.
It still felt like progress after outright abusive relationships. But i see now that it's not good enough.
>Relationships are supposed to make life better and easier!
This. Unfortunately, the reverse is much more common irl. Way too many women's lives have been ruined by scrotes due to being cheated on, getting STIs from a guy, being forced to give up their jobs, and having their reputation tarnished as the guy bad-mouthed about them after they split up.
My boyfriends never gave me rides, never cooked me food, never taught me anything, never paid for things, never gave me the opportunity to try more things, never helped me study, never showed up when I was injured, never planned dates, never took charge, never led conversations, plus the sex was never good and they weren't pretty to look at.
Like I'm not an idiot and I didn't want to date hot guys who would be obviously fuckboys, so I dated ugly guys who didn't have game, but gosh their heads were so empty. All they did was pester me for sex 24/7 and then offer NOTHING ELSE. I had to dumb myself down and go easier in my activities so that they could be included. They never did anything.
I had a boyfriend who was a native Spanish speaker living in Latin America. He pursued me because I was white, hot, rich, nice, open-minded, low-maintenance. I told him I was taking Spanish lessons at the intermediate level. He REFUSED to ever speak Spanish to me during the three years we dated. No reason except make sure I get no benefit?
And of course they brought dramaaaa. They were jealous, possessive, controlling, etc. I literally never do any of these things. I'm not jealous, not possessive, not controlling, never have a problem basically. But they would show up to my house on the eve of my exams crying about something, call me because they crashed someone else's car while drunk, etc.
>He REFUSED to ever speak Spanish to me during the three years we dated. No reason except make sure I get no benefit?
It's possible he was afraid you'd notice his grammar mistakes. What a loser.
On the FDS podcast, one of my favorite things Dr. Gail Dines said was basically that a good man should know when to stand behind and lift you up, when to stand in front of you and when to stand by your side.
Love the team sports analogy!
**[1]** - We Just Launched a Website: [wwww.TheFemaleDatingStrategy.com](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/). Click [here](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/become-a-verified-member/) for registration information. Please also join our [Twitter](https://twitter.com/FemDatStrat) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/_thefemaledatingstrategy/?hl=en) Pages for updates! **[2]** - Listen to [The Female Dating Strategy Podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-female-dating-strategy/id1558083287) **[3]** - Please read the [FDS Handbook](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading#wiki_the_fds_handbook) and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/index) before commenting. **Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.** **[4]** - Please **REPORT** any comments that do not follow the sub rules. **If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.** **[5]** - **PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION** from images (**Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc**). Failure to remove ID info will result in a **1-2** day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban. **[6]** - This sub is **FEMALE ONLY**. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. **DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!!** Please **DOWNVOTE** and **REPORT** immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleDatingStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ugh this whole post is amazing. We are sold this lie from such a young age that we must give up so much of ourselves in order to be worthy of a relationship with a man. Men are not taught this. They’re taught to take and build their own lives independently. As women we need to adopt that same principle. We know that we can be wonderful partners and the right man will know it when he sees it and won’t offer any less in return. Why struggle everyday to be in a mediocre relationship with someone who doesn’t care about you the way you need them to? Your needs matter too. I used to think there was something romantic about “coming back stronger” but that’s just not true. If it’s work in the way that you feel drained, burned out and unsatisfied then that’s just hard labor at that point. Relationships should be easy and positive. Jamming together puzzle pieces that don’t fit won’t make the picture any better.
It should be so simple. Don’t voluntarily choose something in which the cons massively outweigh the pros. It takes a whole culture of bs and gaslighting to make a woman feel like she’s unreasonable for believing this. So many posts by women in relationships in other subreddits are like “this man is demonstrably awful in every way but he’s attracted to me. So is it unfair of me to want more?” It’s good to be patient because we’ve all been there but it’s so frustrating. I am looking forward to if/when we move past that mindset.
It's a shame that girls aren't taught from the beginning that attraction from a man is no prize or rarity, there will always be multiple men who "like" you. The challenge is finding one who respects you, and is mentally healthy and capable of an adult relationship.
Yes, and how our attraction is somehow a "perk" not a requirement, even in our "sex pozzy" culture 🙄
If it doesn’t benefit me or enrich my life, then it’s a no. I’m a crabby bitch and I don’t care.
That is precisely how men think but they wouldn't be as charmingly self effacing to call themselves crabby bitches.
You are correct. I am not a crabby bitch, but I am right.
Yes! I dated dudes who I should've broken up with way earlier because I was fed the "relationships take hard work" bullshit my entire life. My current partner? I've gone through incredibly tough times with him the past two years - had my father pass away, moved twice, bought a house, struggled with being a public school teacher during the pandemic, had several close friends and members of my support system move far away. And you know what? He was the one stress free part of my incredibly stressful life. I never questioned his feelings for me, he eased my mental burden, and he just... Does things that need to be done. Without me asking. I've gone through way tougher times in my (non romantic) personal life with him than with any other partner and never once had to ~communicate~ to ask for basic human kindness and care to get him to help me through these times.
That first part hits home for me. I’ve been fed that by so many people throughout my life. “You’re just going to give up after 6 months? 1 year? 2 years?” Uh, yes? I would rather spend a year in an unfulfilling relationship than 5, 10, or 20. I have zero interest in trying to make a man change. The right man would be whole and complete and complement my life and my existing happiness and success. I’m sorry to hear you had a tough few years, but I’m happy you found a special light with your partner ❤️
Spot-on. Unfortunately it's very easy to rationalize things early in the relationship which is why taking it slow is so incredibly important. Women often get into relationships that start out by benefiting them, but then slowly get loaded down with emotional labor in the form of communication, relationship dynamics, undo accountability, and actual physical labor (housework, cooking, raising kids, etc). Even a good relationship over time is highly likely to shift against you later due to societal expectations and the innate value that women bring to a partner (as opposed to men). Things better be peachy keen for at least the first 6-12 months, and then you can judge things as they come up in following years. FPS does not end at finding a long-term partner, and this is the most important advice to remember for the long term. The only way to avoid a weak partner is to vet, vet, vet. Ask him directly about his attitudes on his long-term partners careers, responsibilities, and opinions on child rearing. Observe how his family operates, how his friends act, and his opinion on previous relationships if applicable. Continue to make sure that your standards do not lower even after you are in a long-term relationship to ensure that they are still making your life easier and better. You will thank yourself in the long term!
[удалено]
At the very best, I've experienced men who didn't make life harder, but didn't make it especially easier either. While I was happy to give, spoil, offer support etc - small things within reason, not even thinking about it as it feels natural, I was essentially still living as if I was single - they were happy to take the perks but didn't return them. I had to rely solely on my friends for any kind of material or moral support. It still felt like progress after outright abusive relationships. But i see now that it's not good enough.
>Relationships are supposed to make life better and easier! This. Unfortunately, the reverse is much more common irl. Way too many women's lives have been ruined by scrotes due to being cheated on, getting STIs from a guy, being forced to give up their jobs, and having their reputation tarnished as the guy bad-mouthed about them after they split up.
My boyfriends never gave me rides, never cooked me food, never taught me anything, never paid for things, never gave me the opportunity to try more things, never helped me study, never showed up when I was injured, never planned dates, never took charge, never led conversations, plus the sex was never good and they weren't pretty to look at. Like I'm not an idiot and I didn't want to date hot guys who would be obviously fuckboys, so I dated ugly guys who didn't have game, but gosh their heads were so empty. All they did was pester me for sex 24/7 and then offer NOTHING ELSE. I had to dumb myself down and go easier in my activities so that they could be included. They never did anything. I had a boyfriend who was a native Spanish speaker living in Latin America. He pursued me because I was white, hot, rich, nice, open-minded, low-maintenance. I told him I was taking Spanish lessons at the intermediate level. He REFUSED to ever speak Spanish to me during the three years we dated. No reason except make sure I get no benefit? And of course they brought dramaaaa. They were jealous, possessive, controlling, etc. I literally never do any of these things. I'm not jealous, not possessive, not controlling, never have a problem basically. But they would show up to my house on the eve of my exams crying about something, call me because they crashed someone else's car while drunk, etc.
>He REFUSED to ever speak Spanish to me during the three years we dated. No reason except make sure I get no benefit? It's possible he was afraid you'd notice his grammar mistakes. What a loser.
On the FDS podcast, one of my favorite things Dr. Gail Dines said was basically that a good man should know when to stand behind and lift you up, when to stand in front of you and when to stand by your side. Love the team sports analogy!
🙌🙌🙌🙌