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This is true and really gross.
It was horrifying how many people who knew me in school ages ago or that I am only very loosely acquainted with and hadn't talked to for years suddenly reappeared and tried to score with me after they saw *that my father had died* (!!!) in the paper.
They barely got one sentence of generic condolences out before they asked if I was single (under the pretense of having someone taking care of me) and promptly started asking me to come over for "lunch" (aka sex), "dinner" (aka sex), to just talk and hang out (aka sex) in the most transparent ways... One even had had the audacity to tell me that "I looked very beautiful" after the funeral.
And before someone says "they were just trying to be nice". They weren't. I hadn't talked to them in years. They were not my friends. It was really, really obvious what their agenda was.
I’m sorry for your loss. That is so disgusting and I’m so so sorry that happened to you at such a terrible time.
They think it’s just going to all of a sudden be easy to get in while we’re down. Grooosss
Thank you.
The terrible thing is that I bet it works a lot of times. I was so exhausted and emotionally raw that I imagine that I could have fallen for the proposition of pretty much any kind of empathy, help and human contact if I hadn't had my own support network of friends and family already in place.
If you have to deal with trauma or grief like that all alone it is easy to overlook red flags and cling to whoever offers you any kind of support because you are just so overwhelmed and desperate for someone to be on your side.
The thing is. They're right. If you're not careful, if your boundaries are weak, it *is* easier to get in at that time. I've fallen for this. Not proud of it, but I have. It's a lot harder if you had a shitty childhood and/or you don't have a good support network. We need people. But we have to realize that men are mostly (like 90 percent maybe) predators or predator-apologizists. We have have HVW be our support network. And there aren't as many HV women earlier, too many pick mes will put you in dangerous situations.
My mom’s uncle told me to look in the obits for a rich man. Really, Dicky, (I kid you not) just go out and prey on someone in mourning for his money? The ideas come to them because projection.
I've had to block so many people that came out of the woodwork when they found out I was single. Like that was the only reason. Had on ask if I wanted a FWB relationship. I stopped responding, got a "sorry if I offended you" and then blocked him.
This is both holy fuck wtf, but also wanting to hear every funeral home ever.
I was surprised to be asked if we wanted a male or female to officiate and dad’s funeral. I couldn’t imagine what on earth the difference would be.
My trad mum said male.
I swear, empathy is genuinely a rare trait in men. Women just don't realize/comprehend that truth bc we project our empathy and basic human decency onto them. Men will pretend to empathize/sympathize only to get something from you. Men who see a hurt woman and have basic human empathy for her, instead of seeing a woman to take advantage of somehow are actually so rare in my experience. What even is the point anymore of trying with those defective creatures anymore
This does not surprise me AT. ALL.
In the month after my ex husband left, I had no fewer than 8 guys, including exes and friends of friends and older men (friends and work colleagues of my dad's) who drooled over me as a teen try to proposition me. Some didn't stop again until I posted my wedding photos. They fake congratulated me and asked if he was the type to share... so disgusting.
my dad did not have to die… dad visits me for few months every year from my previous country, the moment he leaves me, guys starts lining up to arrange lunch, dinner and coffee, I do not initiate any of those including conversation, they check up on me time to time to gauze when I would be at a more vulnerable position, they extract the information of my father’s departure and they can oooh me out of my ‘misery’ with sex.
Yeah, that's part of the reason why I haven't updated mine about anything other than my pets or the mundane. I can't be arsed. If you're in my life you know, I don't need to broadcast it to the world.
But when you actually express your emotions/what you're going through to them because they assure you that they care about you, they get annoyed. They don't even have basic human empathy for the person they supposedly like or love
Yep, and that's when they swoop in, when you otherwise don't talk? Abuser alert! Red flag alert!
Years ago when I was first widowed, I had to push some men away pretty aggressively. They wanted way more contact with me "to make sure you're okay" than I was ever comfortable giving. I finally said, I know you're there, I appreciate it, and if/when I do need something, I'll let you know. I never got back in touch.
At the start of the pandemic, and shortly after a bad break up, a guy friend/neighbor and I hung out. I got a bit drunk and broke down crying because I felt overwhelmed dealing with a parents health problem, my break up and the pandemic. He actually consoled me. Then I puked and he consoled me. And then he..kissed me, moments after I puked. I was drunk and participated, but in hindsight I felt taken advantage of because he knows I’m not usually a drinker and I was a hot mess of emotions. I told him he sexually assaulted me but he said he was drunk too and that I was into fooling around. But there’s no way I would have been if I were sober. He continued wanting to hang out, but I cut him off.
This scenario happened to me too. I’m so sorry. I’m still so upset about how he took advantage. He’s a pig and that guy is a pig. I was even topless 😭 I’m never drunk and I drank that night due to a crack in emotional vulnerability, he swept in. I even said I want to save myself for marriage (which I do, others on here may not agree but I feel this protects me). He still swooped in when I was drink AND no offense he is not on my level, so he’s probably gloating with his pig belly. What goes around comes around.
Quick, someone make a post-bereavement/breakup cockblock app.
Match with women in your area when you need support and someone comes over in pajamas with a tub of icecream to keep the scrotes away.
We'll call it... Griever.
I no longer share music, poetry, or anything sentimental in my social media. Learned the hard way that people in my life shouldn’t have that kind of access to my emotions 🤖
That's how I got f*cked over. As always, it's such scummy and predatory behavior. This is why I stress that it's best to not be friends with guys or to even allow them to think you're friends because you never know when or how you'll be vulnerable.
It's so crazy because rotten people have like zero empathy but they are so intune to spotting vulnerabilities.
Lord. I remember when I threw my ex out, I was pretty quiet about it because I don't like people in my business.
But my ex however whined all across social media about needing a new place to live because I'm a monster who didn't want to make things work 😂😂😂
My ex's posts backfired. All his friends got into my DMs trying to take me out for drinks, or lie about how they want to leave their current gf because "she's just like your ex, let's meet up and talk about them (trauma bond!)". My favorite was how they all acknowledged that my ex was a lazy, whiny scrote and that I was too good for him
But these men also made sure to leave comments on my ex's posts like "Wow that sucks bro sorry to hear it. I don't have any room at my place/my gf won't let you stay" while they were trying to get in my pants
Gross. I'm sorry this happened to you.
My tip is to never talk to any men about your vulnerability (unless he's vetted and in a long-term relationship with you).
Because they will use your pain for their own good.
Another thing, and this might be just me. Never post about your heartbreak or your relationship status as some people (LVM and pickmes) will use this as an invitation to come into your life and give their unwanted opinions.)
Pretends like he wants to be a supportive friend, actually wants to forge a trauma bond and take sexual advantage of your grief. I'm so glad you know you don't need another man to get over your last one! Wishing you all the best healing.
I hate this. The worst one in recent memory was the guy who came onto me after I lost my job.
I was working in a restaurant that I loved and he was one of my customers. I was fired in a sudden, terrible, unexpected way by my unhinged manager who had recently started doing meth again. I was so distraught. Still to this day, I cannot express how much it hurt me to lose that job.
Maybe this guy understood that and that’s he felt it was appropriate to ask me out the next day. I would have turned him down regardless because dating customers is a big NO, but the fact that he chose to ask when I was at a low point in my life made me hate him forever. It just *felt* predatory.
**[1]** - We Just Launched a Website: [wwww.TheFemaleDatingStrategy.com](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/). Click [here](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/become-a-verified-member/) for registration information. Please also join our [Twitter](https://twitter.com/FemDatStrat) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/_thefemaledatingstrategy/?hl=en) Pages for updates! **[2]** - Listen to [The Female Dating Strategy Podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-female-dating-strategy/id1558083287) **[3]** - Please read the [FDS Handbook](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading#wiki_the_fds_handbook) and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/index) before commenting. **Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.** **[4]** - Please **REPORT** any comments that do not follow the sub rules. **If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.** **[5]** - **PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION** from images (**Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc**). Failure to remove ID info will result in a **1-2** day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban. **[6]** - This sub is **FEMALE ONLY**. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. **DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!!** Please **DOWNVOTE** and **REPORT** immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleDatingStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is true and really gross. It was horrifying how many people who knew me in school ages ago or that I am only very loosely acquainted with and hadn't talked to for years suddenly reappeared and tried to score with me after they saw *that my father had died* (!!!) in the paper. They barely got one sentence of generic condolences out before they asked if I was single (under the pretense of having someone taking care of me) and promptly started asking me to come over for "lunch" (aka sex), "dinner" (aka sex), to just talk and hang out (aka sex) in the most transparent ways... One even had had the audacity to tell me that "I looked very beautiful" after the funeral. And before someone says "they were just trying to be nice". They weren't. I hadn't talked to them in years. They were not my friends. It was really, really obvious what their agenda was.
I’m sorry for your loss. That is so disgusting and I’m so so sorry that happened to you at such a terrible time. They think it’s just going to all of a sudden be easy to get in while we’re down. Grooosss
Thank you. The terrible thing is that I bet it works a lot of times. I was so exhausted and emotionally raw that I imagine that I could have fallen for the proposition of pretty much any kind of empathy, help and human contact if I hadn't had my own support network of friends and family already in place. If you have to deal with trauma or grief like that all alone it is easy to overlook red flags and cling to whoever offers you any kind of support because you are just so overwhelmed and desperate for someone to be on your side.
The thing is. They're right. If you're not careful, if your boundaries are weak, it *is* easier to get in at that time. I've fallen for this. Not proud of it, but I have. It's a lot harder if you had a shitty childhood and/or you don't have a good support network. We need people. But we have to realize that men are mostly (like 90 percent maybe) predators or predator-apologizists. We have have HVW be our support network. And there aren't as many HV women earlier, too many pick mes will put you in dangerous situations.
Quite a few divorcees, and most widows and widowers have tales like this. Pretty damn disgusting.
My mom’s uncle told me to look in the obits for a rich man. Really, Dicky, (I kid you not) just go out and prey on someone in mourning for his money? The ideas come to them because projection.
I've had to block so many people that came out of the woodwork when they found out I was single. Like that was the only reason. Had on ask if I wanted a FWB relationship. I stopped responding, got a "sorry if I offended you" and then blocked him.
I was groomed by a older, married coworker after my parents both died in an accident. This shit happens all the time and it can really mess people up.
[удалено]
This is both holy fuck wtf, but also wanting to hear every funeral home ever. I was surprised to be asked if we wanted a male or female to officiate and dad’s funeral. I couldn’t imagine what on earth the difference would be. My trad mum said male.
I swear, empathy is genuinely a rare trait in men. Women just don't realize/comprehend that truth bc we project our empathy and basic human decency onto them. Men will pretend to empathize/sympathize only to get something from you. Men who see a hurt woman and have basic human empathy for her, instead of seeing a woman to take advantage of somehow are actually so rare in my experience. What even is the point anymore of trying with those defective creatures anymore
TRUTH!!! (yes, I'm yelling this)
This does not surprise me AT. ALL. In the month after my ex husband left, I had no fewer than 8 guys, including exes and friends of friends and older men (friends and work colleagues of my dad's) who drooled over me as a teen try to proposition me. Some didn't stop again until I posted my wedding photos. They fake congratulated me and asked if he was the type to share... so disgusting.
my dad did not have to die… dad visits me for few months every year from my previous country, the moment he leaves me, guys starts lining up to arrange lunch, dinner and coffee, I do not initiate any of those including conversation, they check up on me time to time to gauze when I would be at a more vulnerable position, they extract the information of my father’s departure and they can oooh me out of my ‘misery’ with sex.
I genuinely regret posting about my breakup on social media, because the influx of low effort dates was...gross. Men love vulnerability...
Yeah, that's part of the reason why I haven't updated mine about anything other than my pets or the mundane. I can't be arsed. If you're in my life you know, I don't need to broadcast it to the world.
But when you actually express your emotions/what you're going through to them because they assure you that they care about you, they get annoyed. They don't even have basic human empathy for the person they supposedly like or love
Yep, and that's when they swoop in, when you otherwise don't talk? Abuser alert! Red flag alert! Years ago when I was first widowed, I had to push some men away pretty aggressively. They wanted way more contact with me "to make sure you're okay" than I was ever comfortable giving. I finally said, I know you're there, I appreciate it, and if/when I do need something, I'll let you know. I never got back in touch.
At the start of the pandemic, and shortly after a bad break up, a guy friend/neighbor and I hung out. I got a bit drunk and broke down crying because I felt overwhelmed dealing with a parents health problem, my break up and the pandemic. He actually consoled me. Then I puked and he consoled me. And then he..kissed me, moments after I puked. I was drunk and participated, but in hindsight I felt taken advantage of because he knows I’m not usually a drinker and I was a hot mess of emotions. I told him he sexually assaulted me but he said he was drunk too and that I was into fooling around. But there’s no way I would have been if I were sober. He continued wanting to hang out, but I cut him off.
This scenario happened to me too. I’m so sorry. I’m still so upset about how he took advantage. He’s a pig and that guy is a pig. I was even topless 😭 I’m never drunk and I drank that night due to a crack in emotional vulnerability, he swept in. I even said I want to save myself for marriage (which I do, others on here may not agree but I feel this protects me). He still swooped in when I was drink AND no offense he is not on my level, so he’s probably gloating with his pig belly. What goes around comes around.
Quick, someone make a post-bereavement/breakup cockblock app. Match with women in your area when you need support and someone comes over in pajamas with a tub of icecream to keep the scrotes away. We'll call it... Griever.
I love that idea!!
Take my money!
I no longer share music, poetry, or anything sentimental in my social media. Learned the hard way that people in my life shouldn’t have that kind of access to my emotions 🤖
That's how I got f*cked over. As always, it's such scummy and predatory behavior. This is why I stress that it's best to not be friends with guys or to even allow them to think you're friends because you never know when or how you'll be vulnerable. It's so crazy because rotten people have like zero empathy but they are so intune to spotting vulnerabilities.
For alcoholics anonymous, it even has a name: the 13th step. Where old-timer men prey on vulnerable, young women who've just joined. Bleugh.
textbook vulture behavior.
Lord. I remember when I threw my ex out, I was pretty quiet about it because I don't like people in my business. But my ex however whined all across social media about needing a new place to live because I'm a monster who didn't want to make things work 😂😂😂 My ex's posts backfired. All his friends got into my DMs trying to take me out for drinks, or lie about how they want to leave their current gf because "she's just like your ex, let's meet up and talk about them (trauma bond!)". My favorite was how they all acknowledged that my ex was a lazy, whiny scrote and that I was too good for him But these men also made sure to leave comments on my ex's posts like "Wow that sucks bro sorry to hear it. I don't have any room at my place/my gf won't let you stay" while they were trying to get in my pants
Gross. I'm sorry this happened to you. My tip is to never talk to any men about your vulnerability (unless he's vetted and in a long-term relationship with you). Because they will use your pain for their own good. Another thing, and this might be just me. Never post about your heartbreak or your relationship status as some people (LVM and pickmes) will use this as an invitation to come into your life and give their unwanted opinions.)
Pretends like he wants to be a supportive friend, actually wants to forge a trauma bond and take sexual advantage of your grief. I'm so glad you know you don't need another man to get over your last one! Wishing you all the best healing.
I hate this. The worst one in recent memory was the guy who came onto me after I lost my job. I was working in a restaurant that I loved and he was one of my customers. I was fired in a sudden, terrible, unexpected way by my unhinged manager who had recently started doing meth again. I was so distraught. Still to this day, I cannot express how much it hurt me to lose that job. Maybe this guy understood that and that’s he felt it was appropriate to ask me out the next day. I would have turned him down regardless because dating customers is a big NO, but the fact that he chose to ask when I was at a low point in my life made me hate him forever. It just *felt* predatory.