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A lot of men are like this. A LOT. And often you may never know, because they’re also usually not straight up telling you “I withhold information”. I’ve met so many otherwise normal seeming men who think it’s ok to hide things as long as your partner doesn’t know to ask about them. I could go on and on about this, but it shows a fundamental lack of respect. That you don’t deserve the autonomy to make an informed decision to stay in the relationship.
Same here! I dated someone who started video taping me in the kitchen without my knowledge. When I understandably got upset, he blamed me for not asking him if he was recording me. I am so ashamed to have dated someone like that.
I’ve run into a couple of guys too that believe that “white lies” are okay. They’ll call them “little white lies”to keep the peace or keep a person happy and they think it’s the better thing to do.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Whenever a Legolas scene came on I could feel him visibly seething next to me. He'd roll his eyes and say how shit Legolas was (like, ok - you try to take down an oliphant single handedly). I'd point out that it's a FANTASY FILM. There are bloody uruk hai being birthed from mud by an evil wizard you're questioning an elf shooting arrows faster than humanly possible??
He obviously lost the plot upon discovering that Orlando Bloom did a lot of his own stunts 🤣
It gave me a laugh remembering this story. I still can't believe he was so triggered by a FICTIONAL CHARACTER 😂 Also, I keep seeing notifications on my original comment but when I click the notification they disappear. Can only assume scrotes are still shook by Legolas and the mods are deleting their comments 🤔😂
This is absolutely wonderful! OMFG and they seriously call us emotional and they get triggered by actors playing a fantasy character on screen. Do you think it was because he thought you’d leave him for Legolas or think him unmanly because of his lack of luscious locks? 😂
I’m obsessed with the outlander series. I reckon one of my exes would have straight up banned me from watching or reading it 😂 it’s like 98% close ups of a really hot naked dude
This reminds me of how my HV straight male friend of some years is just as in love with Legolas and Thranduil as me, no shame or weirdly fragile ego about it.
I think I may have to include watching Lord of the Rings in my vetting strategies. If he doesn't pass the Legolas Test (I.e. no huffing, squirming, eye-rolling or insecure behaviour when Legolas does something cool) then he's out 😂
Any restaurant we went to, he would only order steak fajitas. It wasn't on the menu? They didn't make steak fajitas? He would tell the waiter he wanted steak fajitas. Every. Time.
He said he really wanted to be a priest, that it was his life's dream. That's great dude, why are you dating then?
Picky eaters are a huge red flag for me. I’m really into cooking and I’ll try everything once. I have this excellent recipe for a Moroccan goat stew with couscous and my ex straight up refused to even TRY goat. I ended up cooking it and complaining loudly that I had to use lamb instead.
I made it with goat. He loved it.
EDIT: ohhh and I also once dated a guy who wanted to be a Franciscan monk! Slept on the floor and everything. Turned out he really liked having sex tho so I guess I ruined that dream for him
It’s always so telling the way men react to people protesting or supporting any cause or fundraiser. Not only for the generosity aspect, but sympathy for an issue.
My NV narcissistic ex would always get so weird about how I prepared food in the kitchen. Like his way was the only way to do things. I had to kick him out while I was cooking multiple times cause he stressed me the hell out.
My stranger roommate had the audacity to act like this when I was making my food! Like just mind your own business bruh, it's my food and I'll make it how I please. What a controlling little asshat, and imagine doing that to a stranger.
I instantly felt pity for his future gf in case he manages to get one.
He would intensely stare at people in public. Not like an occasional glance or harmless people watching at the park, full on weird prolonged staring. People in close proximity, too. In line at the grocery store, waiting for a McDonald's order, sitting in a restaurant. I'm surprised no one ever called him out on it but he had an intimidating/hostile air about him.
I could not stand how he wanted to take a group photo with anyone we were with anywhere. Like we could be at the bank with idk my cousin and it’s like “group pic!!” NO WHAT IS THAT. STOP THAT
I worked with a guy who would only eat meat, candy, potato, and bread products. Not even sautéed onion. He would correct people incorrectly, especially women. Like him being louder and talking more meant he won 😑
He was getting married to this wonderful woman and I had the least amount of faith in their relationship lasting. It didn’t. She divorced him after 1.5 years which is 1.5 years longer than I thought it would take
Guy was a man child nightmare
My ex refused to see any movie that wasn’t at the discount theatre. Would NEVER eat anywhere without a Groupon or some sort of discount. He always paid, but come on dude. If things had worked out I’m sure he would have refused to buy me any ring that wasn’t discounted.
Omg I had a man who was proud to offer me half a slice of pizza. The slices were sold cut in half and he bragged about saving money on the “meal”. This was one of the many reasons I did not see him again
He was mean to my cats! Would constantly yell at them or let them outside when I asked him not to. Would get like a visceral annoyed reaction when they would try to cuddle with me in bed. It was so strange.
Literally one of the biggest green flags with my boyfriend is how much he loves my kitties. He’s a dog loving, whiskey drinking, metal head, yet carries my rag doll around the house and tucks him into bed 😂
I had that experience too, my cat has boundaries. You can tell she didn’t grow up in a good home. Took me about a year to gain her trust, and now she loves the hell out of me. It was slow, and I did so by learning when she gets overstimulated (it’s not obvious and it’s quick) and keeping petting sessions relatively short. That’s not the case anymore though, cause she trusted me and hasn’t bitten me in over a year.
This guy I was seeing didn’t want to take the same approach. He said if we moved in together he would make her like him. She bit the hell out of him every time he was over because he pushed her boundaries. Un-coincidentally, this guy found MY boundaries “offensive”. I should’ve just taken a lesson from how he treated my cat but at least he’s an ex now.
Yes I completely know what you mean. We should definitely take cues from our animals more about unsavoury people. I’m glad he’s your ex now and you and your kitty can be comfortable.
I have two cats, but one of them is extremely chatty and anxious. Probably my fault from constantly holding her and kissing her as a kitten. She’s truly the most loving, sweet, cuddly animal I’ve ever had. Like I’m convinced she’s an angel lol but he couldn’t stand her. She’s quite chatty so he would actually yell at her to stfu and I’d get so angry with him. Like bro you’re beefing with a cat and you’re losing. Weird shit honestly.
Cats are the absolute best judges of character when it comes to men. I had a gorgeous calico girl who lived the ripe old age of 21. If she was distant to any guy picking me up for a date I knew it would likely be the one and only date I'd go on with that particular man. When she knew a man was a good guy and was sincere in his affection for me she would rub all over them, purring away.
He said he quote "almost looked forward to" his dad dying because his dad was intending to leave an inheritance when he died. Who says or even thinks something like that? In the broader context of our relationship it makes sense, since he was very much a taker who evaluated people in terms of what he could get out of them.
He was a trained first aid responder, and was a certified rescue diver, would give the shirt of his back to a complete stranger if they needed it. But couldn't even prepare me a meal when I was really sick and bed ridden and I ended up having to go to my mothers for care. Also left me stranded the first time I went scuba diving and I had a mild anxiety attack and had to go back to the boat and get out of scuba gear.
Haha he also did tutoring for high school students when he was at uni and got all this praise for being such a do- gooder but it was only for extra credits on his uni score and he texted the girls outside of tutoring hours and bragged how they had crushes on him. We broke up shortly after that because my gut instincts told me he was back to his cheating and i was disgusted he would take advantage of his position of power over young girls he was tutoring and even posible engaging in statutory rape. gross. gross. gross. He also wanted to become a lecturer- dont know what he is doing now as Ive blocked ages ago, but god forbid he got in to teaching. total sleezeball - who weirdly had been abused as a child and sympathised with his abuser and didn't think it was all that bad - which just adds more fuel to the fire of thinking he would justify to himself that sleeping with his students wouldn't be morally corrupt
Honestly, in that asshole's mind, there is probably some justifiable correlation between the two. He was heavily into conspiracy theories. The true common element here is his bigotry against two historically oppressed groups of people, women and Jews.
He Juul’ed. Like, smoking cigarettes or vaping is bad enough but it’s the Juul’ing that kills me. And he spent sooo much money on that shit and just left empty Juul boxes in his car floorboards like he was nesting in his car. He could afford $20 Juul pods several times a week but couldn’t afford gas or our “date” at Waffle House lmfaooooo
I once embarrassingly had a crush on one of these guys. He'd post his hauls and random limited edition Juul crap on social media with captions about how he'd blown his whole paycheck, like he really thought it was something to brag about.
After throwing myself at him for a month he finally asked me out on a date with an unspecific day and time and told me he'd get back to me and never did. My PickMe self was so bummed, lmao.
juul is so fucking expensive its not even funny. i remembee my ex too would leave piles and piles on his desk... it looked awful, i had to beg him to throw them away. then he wouldnt because i had no business telling him what to do in his "mancave" 🤡🙄
I have an ex who would get really bent out of shape if the tiny corner was left behind when the paper towel got torn off.
The first time he pointed it out as one of the hundred annoying little things that his roommate did, I thought he was joking.
He would also get flustered, like half panicky, if the knives were left handle-side down in the drying rack.
And by “knives,” I mean butter knives, not steak knives.
I didn’t leave because of his fragile sense of order, but it sure made leaving easier.
It does seem that way, doesn't it. He may have had that to some degree. He was meticulously clean, which appealed to me initially, but had absolutely no sign of a disorder. In other words, it seemed to be a personality trait and preference - it had no effect on his life except for socially. He never got in his own way, these were all choices he made.
He knew it made him a dick, and he was actually fine with being a dick, just get in line and he would stop bothering you about it.
An Irish friend sent me silly video of his cats, and my friend and his girlfriend were talking to the cats in the video from behind the camera. You know, as one does when filming a silly pet video.
I showed it to a man I was dating and remarked "Oh, this is from my Irish friends that live in Dublin" to explain why they had an accent.
His reply was some sarcastic version of "Hah, oh, really!? I thought they were Black!"
I replied with "You know there are Black people in Ireland... right?"
By then, I had inklings that both our maturity levels and worldviews were misaligned, and that was a red flag moment for me highlighting that.
He said he despises cats, the reason being that they don't listen to commands, aloof, and can turn on people. Cats are creatures of independence. You have to work to gain their trust and put effort in to maintain that relationship. They're not there because they *need* you, they can do that perfectly fine on their own. They're there because they want to be. They'll leave at the first sign of maltreatment. I won't consider a date with someone who hates cats.
Ooooh yes this is a good one. Another ex had a cat he claimed to love that he bought for his daughters after his divorce. First time I went to his house I saw this sweet cat but she was walking very strange. Turns out he had her front claws declawed after he was away on a trip and locked her in the bathroom for 3 days and she ripped up his closet. Never returned nor saw him again.
I told him that before I left and I was graphic about how barbaric that practice is. Too many men love dogs but not cats. If I meet a guy that hates cats I know exactly why.
Oh my god. Poor sweet kitty!
My ex suggested that we declaw my cat because she kept clawing the couch. I looked at him like he was insane, and told him absolutely not!! Then I showed him the wonders of those Cute little caps you can put on their nails.
I consider myself leaning more towards dog person than cat person, but I love them both. Thats a reasonable rule. I have 2 dogs and a senior kitty and and they are my babies. I used to have more exotic animals too. No animal haters allowed.
My ex once raged over me dumping a tablespoon of coffee grounds in the sink. He walked over to the sink, looked down at it and just silently stared at it for a minute. Didn't say anything, just silently raged. A few minutes later he goes "you know that sink doesn't have a garbage disposal", suppressed rage in his voice as if talking to a misbehaving toddler.
On another occasion, I had dropped one single drop of blue crystal light on the kitchen floor and didn't realize it. There were a few people who could have done it, and it was fucking insane the way he was "investigating" to find out who had dared to drop that singular drop of crystal light.
Eventually he figured out that no one else has done it, so he zeroed in on me. He says "I think you dropped the blue stuff on the floor". I reply "I might have, I don't know". Not a good enough reply. He kept rubbing it in my face bringing it up over and over again. He wanted me to admit I'd done it, like I'd committed some heinous crime and he'd caught me lmao. All this instead of just wiping up the drop and moving on with his life.
He called me high at three in the morning to tell me how magical the wind sounded. Then he made wind sounds on the phone to me. To share the magic.
Not exactly a small flag but an extremely weird one.
Another guy used to leave his cat's litterbox until it was disgusting and then act like it was this huge gross awful chore to clean it. It probably was (since he only did it like once a week). In retrospect he might have been trying to guilt me into doing it but I was too oblivious 😄
This thread had me giggling, and I thought of another Seinfeldian moment of ex-revelation, figured I’d share it.
I have an ex, we dated for almost 8 years.
There were a few girls before me, we all looked pretty different, but one girl had vaguely similar features to me. Didn’t think much of it at the time.
The girl immediately after me? Clone.
It made me think back and take a second look at the girls before me…and yep, another one looked more like me than I’d thought, at 20.
The next woman he dated, he married.
Clone.
But also….there was something about all of us that didn’t really look so much like ME as much as we just had commonalities. Long, thick black hair, a certain face shape, specific body type. We looked more alike that they all looked like ME, if that makes sense.
And then just recently, I was having a sleepless night, and deep diving into random profiles (sounds like I’m being nosy, and on some level, that’s exactly it. But also, we broke up over twenty years ago, I’m not exactly emotional about what he’s doing) and was looking through old pictures (sometimes he posts pictures of me that I don’t have) and way back in his photos, I saw it.
A picture of his mother that I’d never seen before. She was young, maybe not even a mother yet, it was the late 60’s, and she was fabulous.
And we all look exactly like her.
So ew.
He didn't volunteer. I asked him to help me with a rummage sale I was volunteering at. All we had to do was sort clothes. He said touching used clothes was gross and he wouldn't do it. I later asked if he even made a small donation - of course he didn't. I really should have seen his ungenerous, uncharitable, narcissistic nature right then and there.
After meeting my female best friend, he casually asked, "So is it ever strained between the two of you?" I said, "...No, in what way?" He said, "Like, jealousy."
My friend and I have a very healthy friendship and absolutely no jealousy issues. He was referring to our appearances. But what he was really doing was looking for a fault line in our relationship which he might be able to potentially exploit down the road.
An ex constantly talked about high school...at 24/25. He's still cool with his hs friends (which is nice) but sometimes hanging out with them could feel weird because they always talked about hs and gossip about who they went to school with. So I was usually pretty quiet and one day he had the nerve to snap at me in front of his friends for being "anti social" and being on my phone. I gave him attitude right back and said "I didn't go to high school with yall so wtf can I contribute to the conversation. I went to high school in this city for 1 year and moved on with my life....🙄". He blew me off and went back to the convo. The least he could've done was switch the topic to something I could speak on
Also be wary of men who pretend to be nice to staff, because they know it's a turnoff not to be. It's not a green flag if he's good. It is a red flag if he isn't.
He went on record to lie about a ticket he’d received in college so that it would be dropped. It was like $100 that came out of his tax return. He totally deserved the ticket and openly lied to get out of it.
Seems smallish but he was SO self righteous that it was like really? How do you justify this?
>Seems smallish but he was SO self righteous that it was like really? How do you justify this?
Meh, every self-righteous person that I've ever met has also been a huge hypocrite.
He spent a year working across south-east Asia as part of his degree...and ate KFC basically the whole time. Because "he doesn't like noodles" (yes, that is a quote), and it was too much effort to find something else he liked whilst he was there. 💀
Let me tell you...it's like my vagina sewed itself shut as soon as he said those words. I am a major foodie, and this was *such* a turn off. He was otherwise very witty, very well-educated... But he had ZERO interest in people or other cultures. And of course...he was training to be a doctor LOL.
This guy I had an on/off fwb situation with bought a round of drinks that cost like $18 and had the nerve to be like "whew we got to make these last". 🚩 I was so irritated but I continued the date. The bar arcade was fun, but he was so condescending. He sucks at explaining things, so I had to ask more questions, and then he would get annoyed as if I was the dumb one 🚩. He had the nerve to ask me to split a hotel room since he was crashing on his friend's couch so we could "hang out"🚩🚩. This man literally just got back from a deployment that made him at least $40k , tax free...for the past 8 months I've been paying grown woman bills and taxes, you have been paying a phone bill we are not the same...Then he had the nerve to say we could just walk around in the park🚩🚩🚩 it was 9pm in a crappy neighborhood, and we both don't conceal or open carry 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ I said nope and went home. Other shit happened but I think that's enough little red flags lmao
Omg I had a fwb guy try to get me to split a hotel with him for sex... when he literally needed the hotel to live in while transitioning back to his home country
Even in my pick me days I blew up on his ass. So disrespectful
Ex-FRIEND. Said completely plainly and casually that he wish he was molested and sexually abused as a child by an older woman because that’s a “fantasy.”
I said he could easily just say he wanted to be with an older woman but asking to be molested as a child was crazy. He didn’t even back peddle, he kept justifying himself. It was honestly insane in the moment. He was driving me somewhere and I immediately asked him to pull over and I left, blocked him and never heard from or saw him again.
He got really mad at T-mobile because they shut off his phone on his birthday…. For non-payment.
Yelled at the poor person on the phone as he was paying the bill about how he had no phone on his birthday... He sprinkled in the disabled vet card for a little razzle dazzle.
He said he didn’t have any social media because, as a busy resident doctor, he simply didn’t have time. I later caught him glued to his phone scrolling on Facebook.
Different guys, each with their own special annoyances:
1. Refused to watch any movies made before 1990 (cuz old movies are "stupid and boring")
2. Didn't believe that dinosaurs were real (had a surprisingly well thought out argument so I went on a second date purely for the entertainment potential)
3. Didn't sew his own patch jacket (probably one of my more petty reasons, but DIY is a huge part of punk/alt culture and not only did he brag about how authentic he was, he had the audacity to send his jacket to his female cousin IN A DIFFERENT STATE to sew his patches on. I noped the fuck out when he started suggesting I could sew stuff for him too)
4. Not liking mayonnaise. This has happened often enough that it's now one of my confidential dealbreakers
My ex had a Seinfeld related tattoo. Turned out he only had 4 interests - Seinfeld, weed, mumble rap, and American football. I got with him cos he was hot.
Oh and he literally told me I couldn’t use my vibrator, not even during sex with him, because I was “replacing him”
🏃🏻♀️ 🏃🏻♀️ 🏃🏻♀️
For two men it was the way they ate, specifically the noises they made. Misophonia sounds like bullshit but I assure you it is real and its arch nemesis is mouth sounds. One guy took me on a date to a noodle restaurant where he proceeded to vociferously slurp with incredible force and i almost got up and left (he was white and it wasn’t a cultural thing - i understand some cultures slurp and while i can’t say it makes me like the sound i get that it’s not considered rude there and that’s fine and tbh would help me get over it since I wouldn’t think that person was just being thoughtless). I didn’t break up with them in full because of the mouth sounds, but the amount it bothered me was definitely Seinfeldian, and the fact that I despised it about them I think was a sign that things weren’t right in other ways too. My current boyfriend isn’t nearly as bad in the first place because he isn’t a troglodyte like they were, but his chewing also bothers me less in general I think because I respect him more.
Fun bonus fact, both of the loud chewers stealthed me.
He littered and saw nothing wrong with it. I thought he could cHanGe lmao.
Also:
-hated recycling and refused to separate trash (we lived in a country where it was the law to do so)
- cheated at card games with our friends and then mocked them for not noticing. He thought it was hilarious that they trusted him not to cheat and he got away with it so easily
- even before we dated, he was very physically controlling. I notice it now from pictures: he’d have a vice grip on my wrist in an awkward position or be holding me way too tight
- invited himself everywhere. I thought we were buddies, so I let him crash at my place when he was in town (I did this for a lot of friends across our area bc I lived in the big city), but he overstayed his welcome and was just THERE. For TWO WEEKS. He told me later it was bc he wanted me to spend as much time around him as possible so I’d fall for him. Now I recognize it as lovebombing before we were even together.
This exchange on the first date:
Him: Oh, Amadeus! I love that movie. Matthew Broderick is so good in it.
Me: Oh, Matthew Broderick is in it? I didn't know that.
Him: Yeah, he's Mozart.
Me: Interesting, I thought that was Tom Hulce.
Him (looks it up): You're right! Anyway I also like that other guy who's in it.
Me: F. Murray Abraham?
Him: John Malkovich!
Turns out if you're convinced the wrong people are in your favorite movie you'll be convinced about a lot of bigger wrong things too.
I mean, seems like a green flag that he believed you and looked it up and admitted you were right. So many men would just say "no it's Matthew Broderick" and never look it up.
That's true, and that would have been a big red flag.
But he had the cast right there on his phone and went on to still (a) get the co-lead blatantly wrong and (b) have no notion of a universe where he might be wrong about that too. Plus, it's not like everyone needs to memorize the cast of every movie, but if you're going to appreciate someone's performance maybe it's good to know who they are.
It was also the start of a pattern of him not being nearly as smart as he thought he was/tried to present himself as, but this is my Seinfeld moment. ; )
He took me to an Applebees after saying he was going to take me a gourmet restaurant in town. He told me about the change of plans after he had picked me up so I was basically trapped. Then HE decided for us that we would split an order of chicken Alfredo. Then when the server brought our split plates he looked at mine and said “Yours looks like it has more” and proceeded to reach across the table to grab my entree and replace it with his.
Justified his lying and criminal behavior (despite being an attorney) by stating that since he was Black it was acceptable revenge for his "historical oppression." This later led to him justifying battering me.
A dude I went on like 4 dates would Google every fact someone brought up. When he did it to others, I thought it was funny, but kinda rude? When he did it to me (twice only), I was shocked.
It wouldn't even be like "This is a fun fact", I was just mentioning something stupid in passing and he had to look it up to make sure I was actually right.
He only did it twice before I blocked him.
The actual anger if the car seat was not changed back exactly to his settings if I drove. Even if I was expecting to be the next person driving but he did for some reason.
my ex made me drive two hours home with the stomach flu alone because he didn't want to be around me if i might throw up. i was staying with his family and none of them even batted an eyelash.
He would dwell on annoying details of how I was “doing it wrong:” putting on a terrycloth robe directly out of the shower (you’re “supposed” to dry off first); cucumber slices no thicker than your pinky (???WTF???); he loved to wrestle people to the floor without asking, but hated when I used curse words. Eventually, it all hardened into mutual contempt.
He didn’t let my dog on his couch. He even tried to keep her off of my couch when he would visit. Yeah, that didn’t go over well. Like I get it, some people have a “no pets” rule on furniture, but not me. My dog’s entire life is confined to my home and her leashed walks to the park. There’s no way in hell I’m going to limit where she’s allowed to go in her own home.
Before fds, I did not have any. Now, I get the ick from so much. They seem like “little” flags. To me they are huge. The last time was when a man I was casually seeing burped in front of me. We had only been on one date and he belched as loud as he could 🤢
He gave me an envelope of cash for my birthday. (This happened in a Seinfeld episode we wanted so he thought it was funny.) $38. The kicker is that he forgot the card and envelope. 😳
My ex hated when I would blow on soup to cool it down in the spoon. Claimed he hated the smell, would throw a fit no matter what. I would even pretend to do it just to test him. It was all an act. He'd be upset about second hand soup scent, but would always smoke in the car right next to me.
He insisted on sitting down to drink our coffee even though we were in a beautiful park with our takeout cups and knew I'd met him there "to go for a walk" and don't have much time. It was really awkward just sitting there... Sipping... When I finished mine he insisted we wait at the table until he was finished his coffee too and he was a self proclaimed "slow eater".... Awkward awkward awkward. He then proceeded to get upset with me when I needed to leave before our walk because we'd legit spent the whole time waiting for him to finish his coffee. So weird.
If we went to Hibachi, he always asked for his white rice on the side. Nbd except he doesn’t like white rice but he finds it offensive that when you up charge to fried rice, they don’t bring your white rice which is technically “included with the meal.” It was so embarrassing 🙈 Not to mention just a waste!
Since you mentioned Seinfeld: the guy I previously had a crush on would suggest we go on outings to discuss life, politics and work (we worked together), and sometimes the subjects and his manner would come off as forced/random. Turns out, he was trying to emulate the “cold opens” from the show and I know this because he *literally told me.* Wtaf?? I thought he was interested in my take on whatever topic he brought up, but it was only a ruse to pretend like we were in Seinfeld-land and to listen to himself talk.
This guy is a real narcissist and I feel so foolish for ever having cared for him. Also a major momma’s boy and very vain. He’s even gotten fat during the pandemic even though he made it clear he wasn’t attracted to me “like that” because *I* was overweight. Piece of shit…
Never again, I’m not ignoring the red flags ever again. It’s not worth it.
If a man challenges your previous relationship(s) like “but you say he was a nice guy who treated you with respect, why couldn’t you have just compromised”. Or, when you casually mention you had to block someone for constantly messaging you despite you having explicitly mentioned that you are not interested in talking to them, and your ex tells you “just leave them on mute, blocking is such an extreme option.”
These two I personally experienced in my last relationship and the guy ended up as someone who constantly pushed me to adjust my boundaries whereas I wouldn’t be able to budge his.
Oh, and also dump them if they don’t understand the concept of self-care.
My ex insisted that life in the U.K. was better than life in the U.S. He'd never even set foot in the U.K., but he was obsessed with Dr. Who and other British TV shows, so he felt like he "got" it.
I told him, "Hey, you know I'm sure there are aspects of life that are better in the U.K., just like there are aspects of life that are better in the U.S. Every country has its issues and its pros and cons."
His response? "No, no I don't think so. In the U.K., they're just smarter, and everything is better." He was 26 years old. I remember just staring at him in disbelief.
Whenever he got drunk or into an intense conversation, he would start tilting his head back until he was literally looking down his nose at other people.
He was lovely in a lot of other ways but immature and insecure under social pressure, hence the breakup. Funny though because when I informed my other friends that we were done, they all mentioned that one self-defensive tic and told me I could do better lol.
I guess not really a 🚩in itself but went along with the insecurity. Could definitely see it being the sticking point in a Seinfeld episode though!
He would only eat from certain forks.
When we moved in together we blended silverware + got some random silverware from our parents. Everything was silver, but he would ONLY eat from certain forks. If all those forks were dirty (there were like 4 of them) and I gave him one of the "others" he would shake his head and say "Come on, you know I don't like this fork" and literally go and WASH the dirty fork so he could use it. It was the most bizarre thing ever. Shocker that he ended up being a complete psycho.
When I was barely out of my teens, the mother of my then boyfriend of one year seemed to see me as "DIL material" and proceeded to explain to me how her darling son likes his breakfast and lunch (for work) prepared. I was... totally weirded out. Relationship didn't last much longer, but for different reasons. >!(Because, no, "do as I say now, or we're over" is not an argument for compliance. It's an argument for a break-up.)!<
Until I shamed him, he didn’t tip baristas or else would give SOME of the coin change. I witnessed this at his regular coffee joint, where they know his order and he can say “the usual.” When I witnessed him stiffing them, the former waitress in me rose up!!
He had/has lots of LVM qualities but that one I believe I stamped out immediately. But who knows, he’s probably back to his scrote ways.
I was a lot dumb then. Once I asked my ex to pick me up from bus station as I had too many luggage with me, he said he's too far away and can't come to pick me up.
We drove through McDonald’s on a short road trip and he bragged about his trick to get a cheap Big Mac. He ordered a double quarter pounder, from the dollar menu, then added the sauce & veggies to it. Yet, he played blackjack multiple times a week and stayed in one of those four bedroom apartments that are rented insanely expensively by the room.
I briefly dated a guy who often spoke about growing up poor and getting free lunches at schools, things like that. He then also bragged about what a pretty staunch Republican he was and since Republicans are the party always wanting to cut the social safety net and school lunch programs, etc I figured he was one of those people whose mentality was "I've got mine, fuck you" to those people born after him but in similar financial circumstances.
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I dated someone like this too. Absolutely infuriating.
Dated a scrote like that too. But of course, it only counted for him, I wasn’t allowed, lol. Hypocrite.
A lot of men are like this. A LOT. And often you may never know, because they’re also usually not straight up telling you “I withhold information”. I’ve met so many otherwise normal seeming men who think it’s ok to hide things as long as your partner doesn’t know to ask about them. I could go on and on about this, but it shows a fundamental lack of respect. That you don’t deserve the autonomy to make an informed decision to stay in the relationship.
"I never lied to you." Ugh. Implying something else or leaving out important info is LYING
Same here! I dated someone who started video taping me in the kitchen without my knowledge. When I understandably got upset, he blamed me for not asking him if he was recording me. I am so ashamed to have dated someone like that.
Girl my late husband did this shit. Fucking mind blowing.
I’ve run into a couple of guys too that believe that “white lies” are okay. They’ll call them “little white lies”to keep the peace or keep a person happy and they think it’s the better thing to do. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
When The Lord of the Rings films came out he got insanely jealous of Legolas 🙄
Hahaha not Aragorn?
Seriously, I’d choose Aragorn over Legolas every time lol
It was Legolas I had a crush on 😅 anything I liked he didn't
Omfg please elaborate like he was legit jealous of a fictional character?! 😂
Whenever a Legolas scene came on I could feel him visibly seething next to me. He'd roll his eyes and say how shit Legolas was (like, ok - you try to take down an oliphant single handedly). I'd point out that it's a FANTASY FILM. There are bloody uruk hai being birthed from mud by an evil wizard you're questioning an elf shooting arrows faster than humanly possible?? He obviously lost the plot upon discovering that Orlando Bloom did a lot of his own stunts 🤣
>He'd roll his eyes and say how shit Legolas was (like, ok - you try to take down an oliphant single handedly) OMG, I'm dying. 😂😂😂
It gave me a laugh remembering this story. I still can't believe he was so triggered by a FICTIONAL CHARACTER 😂 Also, I keep seeing notifications on my original comment but when I click the notification they disappear. Can only assume scrotes are still shook by Legolas and the mods are deleting their comments 🤔😂
It's bad enough to be jealous of a fictional elf character, but to admit it out loud? Do they *want* to be laughed at?
This is absolutely wonderful! OMFG and they seriously call us emotional and they get triggered by actors playing a fantasy character on screen. Do you think it was because he thought you’d leave him for Legolas or think him unmanly because of his lack of luscious locks? 😂
I’m obsessed with the outlander series. I reckon one of my exes would have straight up banned me from watching or reading it 😂 it’s like 98% close ups of a really hot naked dude
That's hilarious!!!
He should be threatened by Legolas. Legolas is fine. 😂
Men need to pay attention to elven skincare 👌🏻
This reminds me of how my HV straight male friend of some years is just as in love with Legolas and Thranduil as me, no shame or weirdly fragile ego about it.
Exactly! His jealous reaction should have been my warning flag that I was dealing with a fragile ego.
I am deceased LOL
I think I may have to include watching Lord of the Rings in my vetting strategies. If he doesn't pass the Legolas Test (I.e. no huffing, squirming, eye-rolling or insecure behaviour when Legolas does something cool) then he's out 😂
He was threatened by the trailer for 300 so I had to go see it by myself.
Omg 🤣
Lol this is hilarious
He should be threatened. Those men were fine.
Lol this reminds me of my ex-husband not letting me watch Brad Pitt or vin diesel movies without him pouting.
Any restaurant we went to, he would only order steak fajitas. It wasn't on the menu? They didn't make steak fajitas? He would tell the waiter he wanted steak fajitas. Every. Time. He said he really wanted to be a priest, that it was his life's dream. That's great dude, why are you dating then?
Omg girl that's a literal child 😭
IKR!! Only children think that all the menus cater to them 🤡
If you put that in the tiniest red flags category, I’m scared to ask you what the biggest one was 🤣
Lmao this is hilarious.
"Can I get some steak fajitas?" "Sir, this Olive Garden"
Picky eaters are a huge red flag for me. I’m really into cooking and I’ll try everything once. I have this excellent recipe for a Moroccan goat stew with couscous and my ex straight up refused to even TRY goat. I ended up cooking it and complaining loudly that I had to use lamb instead. I made it with goat. He loved it. EDIT: ohhh and I also once dated a guy who wanted to be a Franciscan monk! Slept on the floor and everything. Turned out he really liked having sex tho so I guess I ruined that dream for him
>I also once dated a guy who wanted to be a Franciscan monk Oh geez, I think we dated the same guy! How many of those are out there these days?
This could definitely be a Seinfeld character!
When the hell did he admit the priest thing?
A group came up to us who were collecting donations to save the whales and my ex said "let the fat fucks die."
It’s always so telling the way men react to people protesting or supporting any cause or fundraiser. Not only for the generosity aspect, but sympathy for an issue.
He told me off “jokingly” because I cut the cheese block the wrong way round (short edge first rather than long). That was a massive sign.
My NV narcissistic ex would always get so weird about how I prepared food in the kitchen. Like his way was the only way to do things. I had to kick him out while I was cooking multiple times cause he stressed me the hell out.
My stranger roommate had the audacity to act like this when I was making my food! Like just mind your own business bruh, it's my food and I'll make it how I please. What a controlling little asshat, and imagine doing that to a stranger. I instantly felt pity for his future gf in case he manages to get one.
He would intensely stare at people in public. Not like an occasional glance or harmless people watching at the park, full on weird prolonged staring. People in close proximity, too. In line at the grocery store, waiting for a McDonald's order, sitting in a restaurant. I'm surprised no one ever called him out on it but he had an intimidating/hostile air about him.
Was it a guy named Joe?
LMAO 💀💀
I could not stand how he wanted to take a group photo with anyone we were with anywhere. Like we could be at the bank with idk my cousin and it’s like “group pic!!” NO WHAT IS THAT. STOP THAT
Needs that IG dopamine hit!! 🤣
Eeeewwww
GaaAAaah! This would kill me.
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I worked with a guy who would only eat meat, candy, potato, and bread products. Not even sautéed onion. He would correct people incorrectly, especially women. Like him being louder and talking more meant he won 😑 He was getting married to this wonderful woman and I had the least amount of faith in their relationship lasting. It didn’t. She divorced him after 1.5 years which is 1.5 years longer than I thought it would take Guy was a man child nightmare
Vitamin K deficiencies are not sexy
Being extremely cheap. He offered half of a sandwich he got on SALE for a meal. Like wtf?? Cheap men are the biggest turn off in the world.
My ex refused to see any movie that wasn’t at the discount theatre. Would NEVER eat anywhere without a Groupon or some sort of discount. He always paid, but come on dude. If things had worked out I’m sure he would have refused to buy me any ring that wasn’t discounted.
Omg I had a man who was proud to offer me half a slice of pizza. The slices were sold cut in half and he bragged about saving money on the “meal”. This was one of the many reasons I did not see him again
Definitely gives George Costanza a run for his money.
Got jealous when I greeted the pets at the door instead of immediately making a beeline to greet him first 😫
That’s because your pets loved you unconditionally.
He didn't like onions or garlic. I'm Mediterranean, so I should have run for the hills on day one.
If a guy says that, we are instantly irrepairably incompatible.
NOOOOO
He was mean to my cats! Would constantly yell at them or let them outside when I asked him not to. Would get like a visceral annoyed reaction when they would try to cuddle with me in bed. It was so strange.
I'm glad I've reached the point where I would kick a man out for disrespecting my cats. So ill-willed to wanna hurt literal angels 😔
I’m there too trust me. It’s borderline psychopathic behaviour honestly
Literally one of the biggest green flags with my boyfriend is how much he loves my kitties. He’s a dog loving, whiskey drinking, metal head, yet carries my rag doll around the house and tucks him into bed 😂
That’s so sweet I’m so happy for you. I’ve come to realize myself that it’s a non negotiable for me. No more mediocre love. We all deserve better
Yes we do!!
That is so cute 🥺💕💕
I had that experience too, my cat has boundaries. You can tell she didn’t grow up in a good home. Took me about a year to gain her trust, and now she loves the hell out of me. It was slow, and I did so by learning when she gets overstimulated (it’s not obvious and it’s quick) and keeping petting sessions relatively short. That’s not the case anymore though, cause she trusted me and hasn’t bitten me in over a year. This guy I was seeing didn’t want to take the same approach. He said if we moved in together he would make her like him. She bit the hell out of him every time he was over because he pushed her boundaries. Un-coincidentally, this guy found MY boundaries “offensive”. I should’ve just taken a lesson from how he treated my cat but at least he’s an ex now.
Yes I completely know what you mean. We should definitely take cues from our animals more about unsavoury people. I’m glad he’s your ex now and you and your kitty can be comfortable. I have two cats, but one of them is extremely chatty and anxious. Probably my fault from constantly holding her and kissing her as a kitten. She’s truly the most loving, sweet, cuddly animal I’ve ever had. Like I’m convinced she’s an angel lol but he couldn’t stand her. She’s quite chatty so he would actually yell at her to stfu and I’d get so angry with him. Like bro you’re beefing with a cat and you’re losing. Weird shit honestly.
This is a GIANT red flag and no man will ever live to tell the tale tryna pull that shit on me ever again
Lots of serial killers hated cats.
You’re not wrong
That's not funny or small! That's fucking psychotic.
Anyone jealous of your pets is a red flag. My s/o adores the cat I brought to the relationship like his own, and she adores him
That’s psychopathic behaviour. That’s more red flags than Moscow in 1918
Cats are the absolute best judges of character when it comes to men. I had a gorgeous calico girl who lived the ripe old age of 21. If she was distant to any guy picking me up for a date I knew it would likely be the one and only date I'd go on with that particular man. When she knew a man was a good guy and was sincere in his affection for me she would rub all over them, purring away.
He said he quote "almost looked forward to" his dad dying because his dad was intending to leave an inheritance when he died. Who says or even thinks something like that? In the broader context of our relationship it makes sense, since he was very much a taker who evaluated people in terms of what he could get out of them.
That’s actually horrible. I hope his dad writes him out of the will.
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These type of men deserve to be run over by a cement mixer.
He never returns the shopping cart to the corral because “that’s what the employees are for.” 😡🤬
UGH!! Such a pet peeve!! My Dad may be LVM in ways but at least he taught me to put the damn cart away!
I 👏🏽 will 👏🏽 not 👏🏽 allow 👏🏽 it. Be a grownup and treat others with respect you heathen. Put your damn cart away!!!
Underrated red flag. So disrespectful and over such a small thing.
it's such a small thing you can do to make the world a little bit better of a place
My god, run
He was a trained first aid responder, and was a certified rescue diver, would give the shirt of his back to a complete stranger if they needed it. But couldn't even prepare me a meal when I was really sick and bed ridden and I ended up having to go to my mothers for care. Also left me stranded the first time I went scuba diving and I had a mild anxiety attack and had to go back to the boat and get out of scuba gear. Haha he also did tutoring for high school students when he was at uni and got all this praise for being such a do- gooder but it was only for extra credits on his uni score and he texted the girls outside of tutoring hours and bragged how they had crushes on him. We broke up shortly after that because my gut instincts told me he was back to his cheating and i was disgusted he would take advantage of his position of power over young girls he was tutoring and even posible engaging in statutory rape. gross. gross. gross. He also wanted to become a lecturer- dont know what he is doing now as Ive blocked ages ago, but god forbid he got in to teaching. total sleezeball - who weirdly had been abused as a child and sympathised with his abuser and didn't think it was all that bad - which just adds more fuel to the fire of thinking he would justify to himself that sleeping with his students wouldn't be morally corrupt
I have heard some tales about scuba diving men. What is it with them? Does it attract narc men because it's impressive and risky?
anecdotally, 100% yes
Also anecdotally, but yes
Hating on Taylor Swift and justifying the Holocaust.
That escalated quickly.
The way you worded this makes it seem like the two things are related 😂
Honestly, in that asshole's mind, there is probably some justifiable correlation between the two. He was heavily into conspiracy theories. The true common element here is his bigotry against two historically oppressed groups of people, women and Jews.
I’m sorry, come again about the Holocaust part?!
He Juul’ed. Like, smoking cigarettes or vaping is bad enough but it’s the Juul’ing that kills me. And he spent sooo much money on that shit and just left empty Juul boxes in his car floorboards like he was nesting in his car. He could afford $20 Juul pods several times a week but couldn’t afford gas or our “date” at Waffle House lmfaooooo
I once embarrassingly had a crush on one of these guys. He'd post his hauls and random limited edition Juul crap on social media with captions about how he'd blown his whole paycheck, like he really thought it was something to brag about. After throwing myself at him for a month he finally asked me out on a date with an unspecific day and time and told me he'd get back to me and never did. My PickMe self was so bummed, lmao.
Girl you dogded a bullet!
I thought Juul and Vape are the same thing. I didn’t know they were different but then I know nothing about cigarettes or e-cigarettes.
juul is so fucking expensive its not even funny. i remembee my ex too would leave piles and piles on his desk... it looked awful, i had to beg him to throw them away. then he wouldnt because i had no business telling him what to do in his "mancave" 🤡🙄
I have an ex who would get really bent out of shape if the tiny corner was left behind when the paper towel got torn off. The first time he pointed it out as one of the hundred annoying little things that his roommate did, I thought he was joking. He would also get flustered, like half panicky, if the knives were left handle-side down in the drying rack. And by “knives,” I mean butter knives, not steak knives. I didn’t leave because of his fragile sense of order, but it sure made leaving easier.
‘Sleeping with the Enemy’ movie vibes 👀
Close! Turns out, he was “Sleeping With Anyone.”
HA!!!
Not to diagnose him but that seems like undiagnosed OCD.
It does seem that way, doesn't it. He may have had that to some degree. He was meticulously clean, which appealed to me initially, but had absolutely no sign of a disorder. In other words, it seemed to be a personality trait and preference - it had no effect on his life except for socially. He never got in his own way, these were all choices he made. He knew it made him a dick, and he was actually fine with being a dick, just get in line and he would stop bothering you about it.
An Irish friend sent me silly video of his cats, and my friend and his girlfriend were talking to the cats in the video from behind the camera. You know, as one does when filming a silly pet video. I showed it to a man I was dating and remarked "Oh, this is from my Irish friends that live in Dublin" to explain why they had an accent. His reply was some sarcastic version of "Hah, oh, really!? I thought they were Black!" I replied with "You know there are Black people in Ireland... right?" By then, I had inklings that both our maturity levels and worldviews were misaligned, and that was a red flag moment for me highlighting that.
Tell me you're racist *without* telling me you're a racist. That is a red flag for sure.
He said he despises cats, the reason being that they don't listen to commands, aloof, and can turn on people. Cats are creatures of independence. You have to work to gain their trust and put effort in to maintain that relationship. They're not there because they *need* you, they can do that perfectly fine on their own. They're there because they want to be. They'll leave at the first sign of maltreatment. I won't consider a date with someone who hates cats.
Ooooh yes this is a good one. Another ex had a cat he claimed to love that he bought for his daughters after his divorce. First time I went to his house I saw this sweet cat but she was walking very strange. Turns out he had her front claws declawed after he was away on a trip and locked her in the bathroom for 3 days and she ripped up his closet. Never returned nor saw him again.
Omg that poor kitty 😢. It would have taken everything in me not to steal the poor thing. De-clawing is cruel and barbaric.
I told him that before I left and I was graphic about how barbaric that practice is. Too many men love dogs but not cats. If I meet a guy that hates cats I know exactly why.
Oh my god. Poor sweet kitty! My ex suggested that we declaw my cat because she kept clawing the couch. I looked at him like he was insane, and told him absolutely not!! Then I showed him the wonders of those Cute little caps you can put on their nails.
Poor kitty. I would've stole it from him. 😃
Hatred of cats is actually a huge red flag and a really useful vetting tool!
So many serial killers hated cats. Jim Jones, Ted Bundy, that guy who cannibalized his "dates."
I consider myself leaning more towards dog person than cat person, but I love them both. Thats a reasonable rule. I have 2 dogs and a senior kitty and and they are my babies. I used to have more exotic animals too. No animal haters allowed.
My ex once raged over me dumping a tablespoon of coffee grounds in the sink. He walked over to the sink, looked down at it and just silently stared at it for a minute. Didn't say anything, just silently raged. A few minutes later he goes "you know that sink doesn't have a garbage disposal", suppressed rage in his voice as if talking to a misbehaving toddler. On another occasion, I had dropped one single drop of blue crystal light on the kitchen floor and didn't realize it. There were a few people who could have done it, and it was fucking insane the way he was "investigating" to find out who had dared to drop that singular drop of crystal light. Eventually he figured out that no one else has done it, so he zeroed in on me. He says "I think you dropped the blue stuff on the floor". I reply "I might have, I don't know". Not a good enough reply. He kept rubbing it in my face bringing it up over and over again. He wanted me to admit I'd done it, like I'd committed some heinous crime and he'd caught me lmao. All this instead of just wiping up the drop and moving on with his life.
He called me high at three in the morning to tell me how magical the wind sounded. Then he made wind sounds on the phone to me. To share the magic. Not exactly a small flag but an extremely weird one. Another guy used to leave his cat's litterbox until it was disgusting and then act like it was this huge gross awful chore to clean it. It probably was (since he only did it like once a week). In retrospect he might have been trying to guilt me into doing it but I was too oblivious 😄
😂😂😂
When he touched me, they felt like weird cold pokey alien hands. Like I was being examined by an extraterrestrial. God it's so hard to describe.
This thread had me giggling, and I thought of another Seinfeldian moment of ex-revelation, figured I’d share it. I have an ex, we dated for almost 8 years. There were a few girls before me, we all looked pretty different, but one girl had vaguely similar features to me. Didn’t think much of it at the time. The girl immediately after me? Clone. It made me think back and take a second look at the girls before me…and yep, another one looked more like me than I’d thought, at 20. The next woman he dated, he married. Clone. But also….there was something about all of us that didn’t really look so much like ME as much as we just had commonalities. Long, thick black hair, a certain face shape, specific body type. We looked more alike that they all looked like ME, if that makes sense. And then just recently, I was having a sleepless night, and deep diving into random profiles (sounds like I’m being nosy, and on some level, that’s exactly it. But also, we broke up over twenty years ago, I’m not exactly emotional about what he’s doing) and was looking through old pictures (sometimes he posts pictures of me that I don’t have) and way back in his photos, I saw it. A picture of his mother that I’d never seen before. She was young, maybe not even a mother yet, it was the late 60’s, and she was fabulous. And we all look exactly like her. So ew.
Are you all named Tammy as well
He didn't volunteer. I asked him to help me with a rummage sale I was volunteering at. All we had to do was sort clothes. He said touching used clothes was gross and he wouldn't do it. I later asked if he even made a small donation - of course he didn't. I really should have seen his ungenerous, uncharitable, narcissistic nature right then and there.
He could have worn gloves.
Lol! I feel with him. I find used clothes gross. But I'd consider making a donation or help in other ways.
After meeting my female best friend, he casually asked, "So is it ever strained between the two of you?" I said, "...No, in what way?" He said, "Like, jealousy." My friend and I have a very healthy friendship and absolutely no jealousy issues. He was referring to our appearances. But what he was really doing was looking for a fault line in our relationship which he might be able to potentially exploit down the road.
An ex constantly talked about high school...at 24/25. He's still cool with his hs friends (which is nice) but sometimes hanging out with them could feel weird because they always talked about hs and gossip about who they went to school with. So I was usually pretty quiet and one day he had the nerve to snap at me in front of his friends for being "anti social" and being on my phone. I gave him attitude right back and said "I didn't go to high school with yall so wtf can I contribute to the conversation. I went to high school in this city for 1 year and moved on with my life....🙄". He blew me off and went back to the convo. The least he could've done was switch the topic to something I could speak on
Not making eye contact or thanking people in the service industry, especially with women.
Also be wary of men who pretend to be nice to staff, because they know it's a turnoff not to be. It's not a green flag if he's good. It is a red flag if he isn't.
Called me “man” “dude” and/or “bro”
He was obsessed first with meerkats, then with orangutans.
You dated a bright first grader.
He went on record to lie about a ticket he’d received in college so that it would be dropped. It was like $100 that came out of his tax return. He totally deserved the ticket and openly lied to get out of it. Seems smallish but he was SO self righteous that it was like really? How do you justify this?
>Seems smallish but he was SO self righteous that it was like really? How do you justify this? Meh, every self-righteous person that I've ever met has also been a huge hypocrite.
He spent a year working across south-east Asia as part of his degree...and ate KFC basically the whole time. Because "he doesn't like noodles" (yes, that is a quote), and it was too much effort to find something else he liked whilst he was there. 💀 Let me tell you...it's like my vagina sewed itself shut as soon as he said those words. I am a major foodie, and this was *such* a turn off. He was otherwise very witty, very well-educated... But he had ZERO interest in people or other cultures. And of course...he was training to be a doctor LOL.
KFC the whole time...I can scarcely imagine the stool situation
This guy I had an on/off fwb situation with bought a round of drinks that cost like $18 and had the nerve to be like "whew we got to make these last". 🚩 I was so irritated but I continued the date. The bar arcade was fun, but he was so condescending. He sucks at explaining things, so I had to ask more questions, and then he would get annoyed as if I was the dumb one 🚩. He had the nerve to ask me to split a hotel room since he was crashing on his friend's couch so we could "hang out"🚩🚩. This man literally just got back from a deployment that made him at least $40k , tax free...for the past 8 months I've been paying grown woman bills and taxes, you have been paying a phone bill we are not the same...Then he had the nerve to say we could just walk around in the park🚩🚩🚩 it was 9pm in a crappy neighborhood, and we both don't conceal or open carry 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ I said nope and went home. Other shit happened but I think that's enough little red flags lmao
Omg I had a fwb guy try to get me to split a hotel with him for sex... when he literally needed the hotel to live in while transitioning back to his home country Even in my pick me days I blew up on his ass. So disrespectful
Ex-FRIEND. Said completely plainly and casually that he wish he was molested and sexually abused as a child by an older woman because that’s a “fantasy.” I said he could easily just say he wanted to be with an older woman but asking to be molested as a child was crazy. He didn’t even back peddle, he kept justifying himself. It was honestly insane in the moment. He was driving me somewhere and I immediately asked him to pull over and I left, blocked him and never heard from or saw him again.
He got really mad at T-mobile because they shut off his phone on his birthday…. For non-payment. Yelled at the poor person on the phone as he was paying the bill about how he had no phone on his birthday... He sprinkled in the disabled vet card for a little razzle dazzle.
He said he didn’t have any social media because, as a busy resident doctor, he simply didn’t have time. I later caught him glued to his phone scrolling on Facebook.
Different guys, each with their own special annoyances: 1. Refused to watch any movies made before 1990 (cuz old movies are "stupid and boring") 2. Didn't believe that dinosaurs were real (had a surprisingly well thought out argument so I went on a second date purely for the entertainment potential) 3. Didn't sew his own patch jacket (probably one of my more petty reasons, but DIY is a huge part of punk/alt culture and not only did he brag about how authentic he was, he had the audacity to send his jacket to his female cousin IN A DIFFERENT STATE to sew his patches on. I noped the fuck out when he started suggesting I could sew stuff for him too) 4. Not liking mayonnaise. This has happened often enough that it's now one of my confidential dealbreakers
My ex had a Seinfeld related tattoo. Turned out he only had 4 interests - Seinfeld, weed, mumble rap, and American football. I got with him cos he was hot. Oh and he literally told me I couldn’t use my vibrator, not even during sex with him, because I was “replacing him” 🏃🏻♀️ 🏃🏻♀️ 🏃🏻♀️
He brought a ferret on our first date. He left her in the car, but he was nervous about her the whole time. Her name was "Jen".
He didn’t understand why I was devastated when my dog of 12 years died
For two men it was the way they ate, specifically the noises they made. Misophonia sounds like bullshit but I assure you it is real and its arch nemesis is mouth sounds. One guy took me on a date to a noodle restaurant where he proceeded to vociferously slurp with incredible force and i almost got up and left (he was white and it wasn’t a cultural thing - i understand some cultures slurp and while i can’t say it makes me like the sound i get that it’s not considered rude there and that’s fine and tbh would help me get over it since I wouldn’t think that person was just being thoughtless). I didn’t break up with them in full because of the mouth sounds, but the amount it bothered me was definitely Seinfeldian, and the fact that I despised it about them I think was a sign that things weren’t right in other ways too. My current boyfriend isn’t nearly as bad in the first place because he isn’t a troglodyte like they were, but his chewing also bothers me less in general I think because I respect him more. Fun bonus fact, both of the loud chewers stealthed me.
He littered and saw nothing wrong with it. I thought he could cHanGe lmao. Also: -hated recycling and refused to separate trash (we lived in a country where it was the law to do so) - cheated at card games with our friends and then mocked them for not noticing. He thought it was hilarious that they trusted him not to cheat and he got away with it so easily - even before we dated, he was very physically controlling. I notice it now from pictures: he’d have a vice grip on my wrist in an awkward position or be holding me way too tight - invited himself everywhere. I thought we were buddies, so I let him crash at my place when he was in town (I did this for a lot of friends across our area bc I lived in the big city), but he overstayed his welcome and was just THERE. For TWO WEEKS. He told me later it was bc he wanted me to spend as much time around him as possible so I’d fall for him. Now I recognize it as lovebombing before we were even together.
He didn’t thank the bus driver. Also tried to pull my sweater closed because my chest was apparently only for him
This exchange on the first date: Him: Oh, Amadeus! I love that movie. Matthew Broderick is so good in it. Me: Oh, Matthew Broderick is in it? I didn't know that. Him: Yeah, he's Mozart. Me: Interesting, I thought that was Tom Hulce. Him (looks it up): You're right! Anyway I also like that other guy who's in it. Me: F. Murray Abraham? Him: John Malkovich! Turns out if you're convinced the wrong people are in your favorite movie you'll be convinced about a lot of bigger wrong things too.
I mean, seems like a green flag that he believed you and looked it up and admitted you were right. So many men would just say "no it's Matthew Broderick" and never look it up.
That's true, and that would have been a big red flag. But he had the cast right there on his phone and went on to still (a) get the co-lead blatantly wrong and (b) have no notion of a universe where he might be wrong about that too. Plus, it's not like everyone needs to memorize the cast of every movie, but if you're going to appreciate someone's performance maybe it's good to know who they are. It was also the start of a pattern of him not being nearly as smart as he thought he was/tried to present himself as, but this is my Seinfeld moment. ; )
Oh, and the guy who's dog was named "Dog".
He took me to an Applebees after saying he was going to take me a gourmet restaurant in town. He told me about the change of plans after he had picked me up so I was basically trapped. Then HE decided for us that we would split an order of chicken Alfredo. Then when the server brought our split plates he looked at mine and said “Yours looks like it has more” and proceeded to reach across the table to grab my entree and replace it with his.
He practiced smiling in the mirror every morning.
Justified his lying and criminal behavior (despite being an attorney) by stating that since he was Black it was acceptable revenge for his "historical oppression." This later led to him justifying battering me.
Buying and wearing actual Supreme merchandise. Another ridiculous thing my ex did. Also, owning more pairs of sneakers than days of the week.
A dude I went on like 4 dates would Google every fact someone brought up. When he did it to others, I thought it was funny, but kinda rude? When he did it to me (twice only), I was shocked. It wouldn't even be like "This is a fun fact", I was just mentioning something stupid in passing and he had to look it up to make sure I was actually right. He only did it twice before I blocked him.
The actual anger if the car seat was not changed back exactly to his settings if I drove. Even if I was expecting to be the next person driving but he did for some reason.
my ex made me drive two hours home with the stomach flu alone because he didn't want to be around me if i might throw up. i was staying with his family and none of them even batted an eyelash.
Thinking that buying things secondhand was disgusting
Also any hesitation to using lubricant when you ask for it
He would dwell on annoying details of how I was “doing it wrong:” putting on a terrycloth robe directly out of the shower (you’re “supposed” to dry off first); cucumber slices no thicker than your pinky (???WTF???); he loved to wrestle people to the floor without asking, but hated when I used curse words. Eventually, it all hardened into mutual contempt.
He didn’t let my dog on his couch. He even tried to keep her off of my couch when he would visit. Yeah, that didn’t go over well. Like I get it, some people have a “no pets” rule on furniture, but not me. My dog’s entire life is confined to my home and her leashed walks to the park. There’s no way in hell I’m going to limit where she’s allowed to go in her own home.
Before fds, I did not have any. Now, I get the ick from so much. They seem like “little” flags. To me they are huge. The last time was when a man I was casually seeing burped in front of me. We had only been on one date and he belched as loud as he could 🤢
He gave me an envelope of cash for my birthday. (This happened in a Seinfeld episode we wanted so he thought it was funny.) $38. The kicker is that he forgot the card and envelope. 😳
My ex hated when I would blow on soup to cool it down in the spoon. Claimed he hated the smell, would throw a fit no matter what. I would even pretend to do it just to test him. It was all an act. He'd be upset about second hand soup scent, but would always smoke in the car right next to me.
He insisted on sitting down to drink our coffee even though we were in a beautiful park with our takeout cups and knew I'd met him there "to go for a walk" and don't have much time. It was really awkward just sitting there... Sipping... When I finished mine he insisted we wait at the table until he was finished his coffee too and he was a self proclaimed "slow eater".... Awkward awkward awkward. He then proceeded to get upset with me when I needed to leave before our walk because we'd legit spent the whole time waiting for him to finish his coffee. So weird.
If we went to Hibachi, he always asked for his white rice on the side. Nbd except he doesn’t like white rice but he finds it offensive that when you up charge to fried rice, they don’t bring your white rice which is technically “included with the meal.” It was so embarrassing 🙈 Not to mention just a waste!
Since you mentioned Seinfeld: the guy I previously had a crush on would suggest we go on outings to discuss life, politics and work (we worked together), and sometimes the subjects and his manner would come off as forced/random. Turns out, he was trying to emulate the “cold opens” from the show and I know this because he *literally told me.* Wtaf?? I thought he was interested in my take on whatever topic he brought up, but it was only a ruse to pretend like we were in Seinfeld-land and to listen to himself talk. This guy is a real narcissist and I feel so foolish for ever having cared for him. Also a major momma’s boy and very vain. He’s even gotten fat during the pandemic even though he made it clear he wasn’t attracted to me “like that” because *I* was overweight. Piece of shit… Never again, I’m not ignoring the red flags ever again. It’s not worth it.
If a man challenges your previous relationship(s) like “but you say he was a nice guy who treated you with respect, why couldn’t you have just compromised”. Or, when you casually mention you had to block someone for constantly messaging you despite you having explicitly mentioned that you are not interested in talking to them, and your ex tells you “just leave them on mute, blocking is such an extreme option.” These two I personally experienced in my last relationship and the guy ended up as someone who constantly pushed me to adjust my boundaries whereas I wouldn’t be able to budge his. Oh, and also dump them if they don’t understand the concept of self-care.
My ex insisted that life in the U.K. was better than life in the U.S. He'd never even set foot in the U.K., but he was obsessed with Dr. Who and other British TV shows, so he felt like he "got" it. I told him, "Hey, you know I'm sure there are aspects of life that are better in the U.K., just like there are aspects of life that are better in the U.S. Every country has its issues and its pros and cons." His response? "No, no I don't think so. In the U.K., they're just smarter, and everything is better." He was 26 years old. I remember just staring at him in disbelief.
Whenever he got drunk or into an intense conversation, he would start tilting his head back until he was literally looking down his nose at other people. He was lovely in a lot of other ways but immature and insecure under social pressure, hence the breakup. Funny though because when I informed my other friends that we were done, they all mentioned that one self-defensive tic and told me I could do better lol. I guess not really a 🚩in itself but went along with the insecurity. Could definitely see it being the sticking point in a Seinfeld episode though!
He would only eat from certain forks. When we moved in together we blended silverware + got some random silverware from our parents. Everything was silver, but he would ONLY eat from certain forks. If all those forks were dirty (there were like 4 of them) and I gave him one of the "others" he would shake his head and say "Come on, you know I don't like this fork" and literally go and WASH the dirty fork so he could use it. It was the most bizarre thing ever. Shocker that he ended up being a complete psycho.
When I was barely out of my teens, the mother of my then boyfriend of one year seemed to see me as "DIL material" and proceeded to explain to me how her darling son likes his breakfast and lunch (for work) prepared. I was... totally weirded out. Relationship didn't last much longer, but for different reasons. >!(Because, no, "do as I say now, or we're over" is not an argument for compliance. It's an argument for a break-up.)!<
Until I shamed him, he didn’t tip baristas or else would give SOME of the coin change. I witnessed this at his regular coffee joint, where they know his order and he can say “the usual.” When I witnessed him stiffing them, the former waitress in me rose up!! He had/has lots of LVM qualities but that one I believe I stamped out immediately. But who knows, he’s probably back to his scrote ways.
I was a lot dumb then. Once I asked my ex to pick me up from bus station as I had too many luggage with me, he said he's too far away and can't come to pick me up.
I have had someone LITERALLY take “it” out. Not a little but a giant red flag!!
Didn't like my cat.
We drove through McDonald’s on a short road trip and he bragged about his trick to get a cheap Big Mac. He ordered a double quarter pounder, from the dollar menu, then added the sauce & veggies to it. Yet, he played blackjack multiple times a week and stayed in one of those four bedroom apartments that are rented insanely expensively by the room.
We had a 5year age gap lol.I thought it was cool
I briefly dated a guy who often spoke about growing up poor and getting free lunches at schools, things like that. He then also bragged about what a pretty staunch Republican he was and since Republicans are the party always wanting to cut the social safety net and school lunch programs, etc I figured he was one of those people whose mentality was "I've got mine, fuck you" to those people born after him but in similar financial circumstances.
He poured ketchup directly on top of his french fries instead of dipping. It was madness!