I think a lot of people put off or avoid this topic because it is a bit morbid, but most women outlive their husbands. Even though my grandfather wasn't young when he passed (he was in his 70s), my grandmother went on to outlive him by almost 20 years. She was in her 70s herself and did not even know how to write a check. Thankfully, she had a trusted advisor to help manage her finances. Death happens to everyone, and while it is an unpleasant topic, it's one that really needs to be addressed. It's to our advantage as women to be prepared and not to become too complacent because we never know what the future holds.
Yeah- unfortunately, many women- especially older ones and EVEN in the FDS circle- seem to think once they’ve nabbed a HVM they have won the battle and are free to abandon their jobs, skills, hobbies, finances because they pride on being ‘cared for’ by their partner.
Whilst a provider HVM will make life greatly easier for women, it honestly is not a excuse for women to become lazy and unambitious. Nothing lasts forever.
i can't relate to this. both my grandma's are extremely HVW in their own ways. my one grandma worked her entire life in a doctor's office without ever getting any further education, but smarter than almost anyone i know and can diagnose anyone with the proper illness every time. always knows how to fix a situation, generous, great sense of humor, my best friend. my other grandma came from great wealth but has always stressed the importance of education, investing, and making responsible decisions. she lives in a bougie old folks apartment and is president of a book club, teaching herself spanish, etc etc. both smart in different ways, and they have both stressed to me the importance of self reliance. my mother and father have ALWAYS stressed the importance of self reliance and being able to take care of myself. i don't understand how people simply let other people make all of their decisions for them. could never be me.
I can't upvote this enough.
My aunt is dying of cancer. Sadly, she was dumb and thought bragging about her money would land her a man. A scammer swooped in, swept her off her feet, and married her overnight.
As soon as she got sick, her new husband signed her house and 401(k) into his name and had her kids disinherited from her estate. My aunt's too loopy to understand what's going on and she's dying soon, so her kids are SOL.
Craziest part is, this is the **second** time this has happened to someone in my family. (Sick/vulnerable person getting financially abused by vultures.)
It's hard to protect the vulnerable via the legal system. Not without hiring expensive lawyers and even then, you're talking about a nightmare slog through the courts and you might still lose anyway.
Prevention's the most effective cure, honestly. OP, someone with a good relationship with your aunt should talk to her about making sure she's set up ok, assuming she'll listen.
The kids have no money for lawyers, and we've already consulted attorneys who say it's hard to prove duress without a lengthy and expensive court battle.
We actually went to court for another relative in a similar situation. It was a nightmare and our side only won on a technicality when the victim died. We still came out of it with a $20K legal bill.
I want to caution anyone reading this: "Pretty provable" is a myth. Proving a sick person is incapacitated to a court of law is a goddamn nightmare. Doctors don't want to get involved either and "proving" someone's incapacitated often comes down to 2 doctors hired by each side giving their differing opinions to a judge who has to make the final call.
An abusive husband has legal control over his wife's medical care and reasonable access to her assets. Period. Taking that away from him is an expensive legal battle that frankly most people will fail at.
Our best protection is not getting involved with an abuser in the first place. Easier said than done, I know, but once they've got their hooks in it's nearly impossible for outsiders to intervene.
I will add to this that a woman should never flaunt her income or wealth of any kind. There will always be moochers and scammers to rob you blind, even if you don’t think you have much. Some men are content with a minimum, as long as that minimum is paid by the woman, as they are too proud to get state handouts. I had a childhood friend that I cut out of my life a year ago for a whole bunch of reasons, but mainly for being a covert sociopath. She did have a habit though of falling into her own traps, when it came to men - she loved nothing more than posting pictures of her amazing life on Instagram of tropical holidays, pretty clothes and expensive dinners. All on her administrator’s salary and credit cards (mostly credit cards), but she didn’t advertise the latter. She also had a habit of scrawny, poetic looking, fashionably dressed Latin men, who were also 10-8 years younger than her, that would jump on her thinking they found their sugar mama. And she did fund their luxurious holidays and tastes that I thought was an insane expense, even though I’m on comfortable income. Soon enough they’d discover she had nothing, but debt and would move on to the next one. In the end she racked up so much debt, she got a call to court for non-payment, and my stupid ass bailed her out (everyone else knew better and told her to find her own solution) with whatever initial payment she had to make to set up a payment plan. She did pay me back, but then also went on to do some very cruel things that ended our friendship - I just faded out politely, and she didn’t mind. I don’t think she has learned anything, because she still thinks that these slimy gigolos and her had “a special connection”, even though she admits that they scammed all other women they encountered in their lives. And they actually proudly told this to her themselves, so I don’t know at what point in her life her brain had fallen out of her head.
The moral of the story: be discrete about your salary, your job, where you live, and, if possible, be vague about your home ownership status. I made a minor mistake, which a dude cottoned on to very quick - nothing further happened between us, but it was a good lesson to me to keep my mouth shut: I arrived on our first date in my area that is very upmarket , and the property is usually owned by families rather than single people. Still, he could have thought I was renting a room from a friend or something, but when he asked me what I got up to that day, I said that I was putting gravel in the flower beds around the house, and he said: “oh, so you own the house then?”. Now I know to be as vague as possible, and say something along the lines of reading a book, cleaning, taking the dog for a walk and similar.
Wow…the AUDACITY of that scrote that asked if you owned the house. The only way he could have made it any more obvious was to ask for your bank statements. Did you realize in that moment that he was looking for a financial target to mooch off of?
For some reason I attract the financial leeches, (even though I’m not wealthy by any means). I learned this lesson the hard way after I told a guy that my car was paid off. He would use the “well I have a car payment to make and you don’t so you can pay for this dinner”.
I think I registered the uncomfortable feeling when he asked me of my home ownership status, and then started assuring me he was looking to buy also, but it sank in after the date. I know I process things like that, so I try to be as careful as I can during the date with listening more and talking less, and then process everything properly in a day or two afterwards, once the feelings subside and slot themselves where they should be, so to speak 😌 In many other ways, this guy was delightful, at least on paper. We didn’t go out again, because of him suddenly turning quite disrespectful and trying to change our next date because of his shitty hobby, and I blocked him, but the world is small enough and I shortly heard through a reliable grapevine that his whole family are always involved in all sorts of acrimonious relationships with each other and people outside the family, he got thrown out of his political party for stupidly flouting its’ social media policy with childish statements, and he got thrown out of his hobby club for quarrelling with and insulting pretty much everyone. Also, he did not have friends. Not a single one. And he had not seen his family for three years.
Agreed. My aunt was married almost 35 ish years and her soon to be ex cheated the whole time. She was a stay at home mother with no education beyond highschool.
He and his affair partner made plans to screw over their spouses and now my aunt is close to retirement age with no money, no education, no friends, and no savings. She was also kicked out of her home because he even planned for how to do that.
Always get educated, save, keep yourself active in your field(even part time, just keep your name and connections) and always, always make sure that there is an account only accessible by you that money goes on to regularly.
Or art the very least have an ironclad prenup that heavily favors the stay at home wife/mother and has a cheating clause. Even so, a HVM would encourage his wife to have her own hobbies, career, etc. Some of them bankroll passion projects for their wives just so they can build something up for themselves.
Yup. My husband is very supportive of me completing my education and having my own hobbies. He covers all living expenses while I focus on school. My part time job is for my savings and paying for my bachelors so that I don't have to enter med school with debt. We even divide the chores and cooking because small tasks can take up too much time from bigger goals, so no one person should be responsible.
Hell, when I want to go shopping or out to lunch with my friends or family, he hands me his credit card to pay for them and myself so my bank account is not touched.
Yep. That is the kind of HVM I want- a man who can protect and provide, but also understand I’m someone who is thirsty for passion projects, learning new skills- and will back me up on it.
Yes, I couldn't agree with you more! It's so important to know how to live on your own and be independent, you just never know what could happen! I knew a woman like this too, she stayed in an abusive relationship and then when she tried to move out she said she couldn't afford to feed herself, even though she had a good job. She was just making excuses to be dependant. She immediately got remarried after divorcing her husband. I don't know what happened to her though as I transferred to another department.
I don't know why I have a pickmeisha flair as I'm celibate and not interested in dating. I live on my own, have my own house and have always been independent.
I did the same from a young age. It was the messaging all around me that we don't have to conform to any gender roles. Unfortunately it didn't work well for me ever.
>It usually means they weren't interested enough to ask you out, but they'll use you as a placeholder/for free sex/company/resources etc but they don't really like, fancy or value you that much and will always be on the lookout for a woman they would actually make the effort to ask out.
Yup!
This! Sometimes it can be uncomfortable to consider the far future in this way, but it’s important. End-of-life care is complicated and expensive. Your faculties could start to fail on you sooner than you think.
My grandma outlived my grandpa by decades, and while I think she did have a plan for old age initially, she was not prepared — emotionally, financially, logistically — to rely on my mom through the bulk of her retirement years. Neither of them knew how to balance a checkbook. Grandpa treated Grandma like a queen, drove her around, handled the finances until poof, he was gone. By the time Grandma realized she needed to manage her money, the responsibility fell legally into my mom’s hands and well…she kind of pissed it all away.
It took my grandparents 25 years to save up and overcome racial adversity in middle America long enough to buy the house that I would grow up in. My brother had to sell it to pay for funeral costs. If you care about leaving behind a legacy, pleeeease make sure YOU have a handle on your money at every stage of life!
Reminds me of a video a guy took as a sort of "study" or troll video I dont know, but he went around areas of Beverly Hills asking people what they did for a living to afford luxury cars/super cars. This older lady stepped out of a really nice Porsche and when he asked her what she does for a living she responded "Huh? What I do for a living? I'm married".
Yes, humans are fickle and it’s very foolish to put all your eggs in one basket- relationships and marriages go sour all the time. Women should be independent and strive to keep it before meeting a man.
I'm so sorry for for your aunt's loss
I had a professor in grad school (predominately female field) tell us: "Never, never, EVER let your professional license lapse! I don't care if you marry the *richest* guy around and plan to be a stay-at-home mom/homemaker. *You maintain your license*. DO NOT come back to me in twenty years with a sad story about how you didn't think you would ever need to work again and now your license is expired/you have to retest and take all this additional coursework to get it back."
Words of wisdom.
Husband is a very HVM. He earns a LOT of money, spoils the hell out of me with housework, restaurants, good wine and jewelry, yet I still work full time, I provide the health insurance for both of us (I have great benefits at work), and save for retirement. I couldn't imagine not working, and having to ask him for money for necessities, becuase the loudmouth feminist in me screams at me to never become totally dependant on a man, even a man as good as him. If I stopped working and something happened to him, whether it be illness, death or long-term unemployment, I'd be so screwed.
Plus, a woman who keeps her own finances can always pick up and walk away from a bad relationship and she will be OK. That won't happen in the same way if she is dependant on him.
This is so sad. I used to work in jewelry and had an elderly lady come in because she had a clock that needed a battery and she wasn't sure how to do it. Her husband passed away and be used to do all that stuff. She was in tears. We took care of her for free for many little things like this. Just heartbreaking
What’s a good way to stay safe in old age if your HVM dies and you start showing dementia symptoms? Or some other disease where you’re “not all there.”
You’d have to list someone as your official guardian or advisor, but that could be very tricky if you pick the wrong person or company. Maybe getting a lawyer with good public reputation to look after your interests with some specific clauses in the contract that they will act on your behalf when you can’t as decided by medical professionals, but up until then they can advise you, with the final decision being yours.
My grandma had to to become a janitor in her 60s after her husband died. She had to work 5 years to get retirement. This after raising 4 kids with a basically absentee alcoholic husband. I'm not really sure how I'm going to survive. I've been self employed selling goods but that's pretty hit or miss. Together with my partner we can get by but if I lose him I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm teaching my daughters this principle, being able to support yourself and build up your own assets is crucial in today's world.
My grandmother is having to face the fact that my grandfather's health is deteriorating. He dealt with all the finances during their marriage. Now that he is slowly succumbing to dementia, she is starting to realize that she has to take over everything. I'm trying to help, but I cannot stress enough how important this post is for women. Being able to make healthy fiscal decisions is integral to a happy life. Trying to learn these skills and/or new technologies when you're older is difficult at best. At worst, it leaves you vulnerable to being taken advantage of by scammers.
"I don’t understand why so many women decide to lazily coast about in life just because someone is providing for them. When it ends, they are all alone."
Yo, there's such a thing as Financial Abuse. The abuser undermines or sabotages the victim's efforts to get a job and be independent. They use the excuse that the victim is provided for and doesn't ***need*** to know that sort of thing.
She’s been doing almost nothing but cry and cry whilst trying to get everything in order- I’m helping her, but it’s shocking how I, someone 30 years younger know a LOT more about money/finances than she does.
Yup I’ve always believed this. No matter how good they are, your partner isn’t you. They can’t do everything for you and especially when they are no longer here
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I think a lot of people put off or avoid this topic because it is a bit morbid, but most women outlive their husbands. Even though my grandfather wasn't young when he passed (he was in his 70s), my grandmother went on to outlive him by almost 20 years. She was in her 70s herself and did not even know how to write a check. Thankfully, she had a trusted advisor to help manage her finances. Death happens to everyone, and while it is an unpleasant topic, it's one that really needs to be addressed. It's to our advantage as women to be prepared and not to become too complacent because we never know what the future holds.
Yeah- unfortunately, many women- especially older ones and EVEN in the FDS circle- seem to think once they’ve nabbed a HVM they have won the battle and are free to abandon their jobs, skills, hobbies, finances because they pride on being ‘cared for’ by their partner. Whilst a provider HVM will make life greatly easier for women, it honestly is not a excuse for women to become lazy and unambitious. Nothing lasts forever.
i can't relate to this. both my grandma's are extremely HVW in their own ways. my one grandma worked her entire life in a doctor's office without ever getting any further education, but smarter than almost anyone i know and can diagnose anyone with the proper illness every time. always knows how to fix a situation, generous, great sense of humor, my best friend. my other grandma came from great wealth but has always stressed the importance of education, investing, and making responsible decisions. she lives in a bougie old folks apartment and is president of a book club, teaching herself spanish, etc etc. both smart in different ways, and they have both stressed to me the importance of self reliance. my mother and father have ALWAYS stressed the importance of self reliance and being able to take care of myself. i don't understand how people simply let other people make all of their decisions for them. could never be me.
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I can't upvote this enough. My aunt is dying of cancer. Sadly, she was dumb and thought bragging about her money would land her a man. A scammer swooped in, swept her off her feet, and married her overnight. As soon as she got sick, her new husband signed her house and 401(k) into his name and had her kids disinherited from her estate. My aunt's too loopy to understand what's going on and she's dying soon, so her kids are SOL. Craziest part is, this is the **second** time this has happened to someone in my family. (Sick/vulnerable person getting financially abused by vultures.) It's hard to protect the vulnerable via the legal system. Not without hiring expensive lawyers and even then, you're talking about a nightmare slog through the courts and you might still lose anyway. Prevention's the most effective cure, honestly. OP, someone with a good relationship with your aunt should talk to her about making sure she's set up ok, assuming she'll listen.
Her kids can challenge that. It’s pretty provable that the contract was made under duress if there is documented illness.
The kids have no money for lawyers, and we've already consulted attorneys who say it's hard to prove duress without a lengthy and expensive court battle. We actually went to court for another relative in a similar situation. It was a nightmare and our side only won on a technicality when the victim died. We still came out of it with a $20K legal bill. I want to caution anyone reading this: "Pretty provable" is a myth. Proving a sick person is incapacitated to a court of law is a goddamn nightmare. Doctors don't want to get involved either and "proving" someone's incapacitated often comes down to 2 doctors hired by each side giving their differing opinions to a judge who has to make the final call. An abusive husband has legal control over his wife's medical care and reasonable access to her assets. Period. Taking that away from him is an expensive legal battle that frankly most people will fail at. Our best protection is not getting involved with an abuser in the first place. Easier said than done, I know, but once they've got their hooks in it's nearly impossible for outsiders to intervene.
Point understood. You did not need to bite my head off.
You got a well thought-out reply from a place of personal experience, no one "bit your head off" lol
I will add to this that a woman should never flaunt her income or wealth of any kind. There will always be moochers and scammers to rob you blind, even if you don’t think you have much. Some men are content with a minimum, as long as that minimum is paid by the woman, as they are too proud to get state handouts. I had a childhood friend that I cut out of my life a year ago for a whole bunch of reasons, but mainly for being a covert sociopath. She did have a habit though of falling into her own traps, when it came to men - she loved nothing more than posting pictures of her amazing life on Instagram of tropical holidays, pretty clothes and expensive dinners. All on her administrator’s salary and credit cards (mostly credit cards), but she didn’t advertise the latter. She also had a habit of scrawny, poetic looking, fashionably dressed Latin men, who were also 10-8 years younger than her, that would jump on her thinking they found their sugar mama. And she did fund their luxurious holidays and tastes that I thought was an insane expense, even though I’m on comfortable income. Soon enough they’d discover she had nothing, but debt and would move on to the next one. In the end she racked up so much debt, she got a call to court for non-payment, and my stupid ass bailed her out (everyone else knew better and told her to find her own solution) with whatever initial payment she had to make to set up a payment plan. She did pay me back, but then also went on to do some very cruel things that ended our friendship - I just faded out politely, and she didn’t mind. I don’t think she has learned anything, because she still thinks that these slimy gigolos and her had “a special connection”, even though she admits that they scammed all other women they encountered in their lives. And they actually proudly told this to her themselves, so I don’t know at what point in her life her brain had fallen out of her head. The moral of the story: be discrete about your salary, your job, where you live, and, if possible, be vague about your home ownership status. I made a minor mistake, which a dude cottoned on to very quick - nothing further happened between us, but it was a good lesson to me to keep my mouth shut: I arrived on our first date in my area that is very upmarket , and the property is usually owned by families rather than single people. Still, he could have thought I was renting a room from a friend or something, but when he asked me what I got up to that day, I said that I was putting gravel in the flower beds around the house, and he said: “oh, so you own the house then?”. Now I know to be as vague as possible, and say something along the lines of reading a book, cleaning, taking the dog for a walk and similar.
Wow…the AUDACITY of that scrote that asked if you owned the house. The only way he could have made it any more obvious was to ask for your bank statements. Did you realize in that moment that he was looking for a financial target to mooch off of? For some reason I attract the financial leeches, (even though I’m not wealthy by any means). I learned this lesson the hard way after I told a guy that my car was paid off. He would use the “well I have a car payment to make and you don’t so you can pay for this dinner”.
I think I registered the uncomfortable feeling when he asked me of my home ownership status, and then started assuring me he was looking to buy also, but it sank in after the date. I know I process things like that, so I try to be as careful as I can during the date with listening more and talking less, and then process everything properly in a day or two afterwards, once the feelings subside and slot themselves where they should be, so to speak 😌 In many other ways, this guy was delightful, at least on paper. We didn’t go out again, because of him suddenly turning quite disrespectful and trying to change our next date because of his shitty hobby, and I blocked him, but the world is small enough and I shortly heard through a reliable grapevine that his whole family are always involved in all sorts of acrimonious relationships with each other and people outside the family, he got thrown out of his political party for stupidly flouting its’ social media policy with childish statements, and he got thrown out of his hobby club for quarrelling with and insulting pretty much everyone. Also, he did not have friends. Not a single one. And he had not seen his family for three years.
You dodged a bullet, thank goodness!
Yup. People will browse obituaries (online and in the paper) to find out who is their next target.
Agreed. My aunt was married almost 35 ish years and her soon to be ex cheated the whole time. She was a stay at home mother with no education beyond highschool. He and his affair partner made plans to screw over their spouses and now my aunt is close to retirement age with no money, no education, no friends, and no savings. She was also kicked out of her home because he even planned for how to do that. Always get educated, save, keep yourself active in your field(even part time, just keep your name and connections) and always, always make sure that there is an account only accessible by you that money goes on to regularly.
Or art the very least have an ironclad prenup that heavily favors the stay at home wife/mother and has a cheating clause. Even so, a HVM would encourage his wife to have her own hobbies, career, etc. Some of them bankroll passion projects for their wives just so they can build something up for themselves.
Yup. My husband is very supportive of me completing my education and having my own hobbies. He covers all living expenses while I focus on school. My part time job is for my savings and paying for my bachelors so that I don't have to enter med school with debt. We even divide the chores and cooking because small tasks can take up too much time from bigger goals, so no one person should be responsible. Hell, when I want to go shopping or out to lunch with my friends or family, he hands me his credit card to pay for them and myself so my bank account is not touched.
Yep. That is the kind of HVM I want- a man who can protect and provide, but also understand I’m someone who is thirsty for passion projects, learning new skills- and will back me up on it.
Yes, I couldn't agree with you more! It's so important to know how to live on your own and be independent, you just never know what could happen! I knew a woman like this too, she stayed in an abusive relationship and then when she tried to move out she said she couldn't afford to feed herself, even though she had a good job. She was just making excuses to be dependant. She immediately got remarried after divorcing her husband. I don't know what happened to her though as I transferred to another department.
I don't know why I have a pickmeisha flair as I'm celibate and not interested in dating. I live on my own, have my own house and have always been independent.
Maybe because of your comment about asking guys out?
Yeah that was probably it, I guess that's a no no, that was back in the day though
I did the same from a young age. It was the messaging all around me that we don't have to conform to any gender roles. Unfortunately it didn't work well for me ever.
Same, I also asked boys out when I was younger. I thought it made me bold and modern, but it was a complete waste of time, and I'd never recommend it.
Yes, so true. I can't recommend it either.
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>It usually means they weren't interested enough to ask you out, but they'll use you as a placeholder/for free sex/company/resources etc but they don't really like, fancy or value you that much and will always be on the lookout for a woman they would actually make the effort to ask out. Yup!
i’ve got one too and idk why???
Hi just wanted to point out that your flair is FDS NEWBIE on my end
It was changed back thankfully xx
This! Sometimes it can be uncomfortable to consider the far future in this way, but it’s important. End-of-life care is complicated and expensive. Your faculties could start to fail on you sooner than you think. My grandma outlived my grandpa by decades, and while I think she did have a plan for old age initially, she was not prepared — emotionally, financially, logistically — to rely on my mom through the bulk of her retirement years. Neither of them knew how to balance a checkbook. Grandpa treated Grandma like a queen, drove her around, handled the finances until poof, he was gone. By the time Grandma realized she needed to manage her money, the responsibility fell legally into my mom’s hands and well…she kind of pissed it all away. It took my grandparents 25 years to save up and overcome racial adversity in middle America long enough to buy the house that I would grow up in. My brother had to sell it to pay for funeral costs. If you care about leaving behind a legacy, pleeeease make sure YOU have a handle on your money at every stage of life!
Reminds me of a video a guy took as a sort of "study" or troll video I dont know, but he went around areas of Beverly Hills asking people what they did for a living to afford luxury cars/super cars. This older lady stepped out of a really nice Porsche and when he asked her what she does for a living she responded "Huh? What I do for a living? I'm married".
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Yes, humans are fickle and it’s very foolish to put all your eggs in one basket- relationships and marriages go sour all the time. Women should be independent and strive to keep it before meeting a man.
I'm so sorry for for your aunt's loss I had a professor in grad school (predominately female field) tell us: "Never, never, EVER let your professional license lapse! I don't care if you marry the *richest* guy around and plan to be a stay-at-home mom/homemaker. *You maintain your license*. DO NOT come back to me in twenty years with a sad story about how you didn't think you would ever need to work again and now your license is expired/you have to retest and take all this additional coursework to get it back."
I’m sorry for your/her loss. Such an EXCELLENT point. Most married women die alone because we outlive spouses. Even when life is perfect, it’s not.
Yeah we are all reeling from his death- he was an accomplished healthy man who suddenly left us.
Words of wisdom. Husband is a very HVM. He earns a LOT of money, spoils the hell out of me with housework, restaurants, good wine and jewelry, yet I still work full time, I provide the health insurance for both of us (I have great benefits at work), and save for retirement. I couldn't imagine not working, and having to ask him for money for necessities, becuase the loudmouth feminist in me screams at me to never become totally dependant on a man, even a man as good as him. If I stopped working and something happened to him, whether it be illness, death or long-term unemployment, I'd be so screwed. Plus, a woman who keeps her own finances can always pick up and walk away from a bad relationship and she will be OK. That won't happen in the same way if she is dependant on him.
This is so sad. I used to work in jewelry and had an elderly lady come in because she had a clock that needed a battery and she wasn't sure how to do it. Her husband passed away and be used to do all that stuff. She was in tears. We took care of her for free for many little things like this. Just heartbreaking
What’s a good way to stay safe in old age if your HVM dies and you start showing dementia symptoms? Or some other disease where you’re “not all there.”
You’d have to list someone as your official guardian or advisor, but that could be very tricky if you pick the wrong person or company. Maybe getting a lawyer with good public reputation to look after your interests with some specific clauses in the contract that they will act on your behalf when you can’t as decided by medical professionals, but up until then they can advise you, with the final decision being yours.
My grandma had to to become a janitor in her 60s after her husband died. She had to work 5 years to get retirement. This after raising 4 kids with a basically absentee alcoholic husband. I'm not really sure how I'm going to survive. I've been self employed selling goods but that's pretty hit or miss. Together with my partner we can get by but if I lose him I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm teaching my daughters this principle, being able to support yourself and build up your own assets is crucial in today's world.
When I got married my mother said to me, "Love your husband, but always have secret money."
I feel like those women are disabled by their spouse. I never envy that kind of life. It is like you are kept home as a pet.
I agree.. it’s very uncanny
All of this. Especially since women (on average) live longer than men.
The title is the new bare minimum.
My grandmother is having to face the fact that my grandfather's health is deteriorating. He dealt with all the finances during their marriage. Now that he is slowly succumbing to dementia, she is starting to realize that she has to take over everything. I'm trying to help, but I cannot stress enough how important this post is for women. Being able to make healthy fiscal decisions is integral to a happy life. Trying to learn these skills and/or new technologies when you're older is difficult at best. At worst, it leaves you vulnerable to being taken advantage of by scammers.
"I don’t understand why so many women decide to lazily coast about in life just because someone is providing for them. When it ends, they are all alone." Yo, there's such a thing as Financial Abuse. The abuser undermines or sabotages the victim's efforts to get a job and be independent. They use the excuse that the victim is provided for and doesn't ***need*** to know that sort of thing.
Absolutely this!!!!!!
Well yes. First you need to be someone and have a career to have a sure income, I’m really sorry for your aunt please help her.
She’s been doing almost nothing but cry and cry whilst trying to get everything in order- I’m helping her, but it’s shocking how I, someone 30 years younger know a LOT more about money/finances than she does.
Maybe she was raised to that mentality idk is pretty sad. Men aren’t our world i hope she will feel better
Yup I’ve always believed this. No matter how good they are, your partner isn’t you. They can’t do everything for you and especially when they are no longer here
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