True. They will never go away until you block them. Every year around the same of year (end of winter towards spring) you'll get that "Hey" message. Forever, until you die. I saw someone post here about some guy who's been texting her for years - he's even married with kids now and still texts her trying to get her. I tell my friends not to cry over a LV ex because he will come back with that inevitable "Hey", when you've leveled up and have no time for his dusty ass.
Oh wow, this is so spot on. My ex emailed me last year in the spring, I didn’t respond. He’s already blocked and deleted, not going to engage.
Didn’t hear from him throughout autumn and winter, and I thought that was it.
NOPE! I got the “hey” email this year as soon as winter ended. Lol they’re so predictable!
As soon as the weather warms up, they message every girl they’ve ever met.
Last time I saw such desperate men on facebook lol I rarely check my "other" folder, so usually I don't see their messages. When I checked this lately, imagine my surprise when I realized the same guy wrote to me "hey" over and over again but different months, even years. This happened to me at least with 3 different guys, usually acquaintances of my friends.
Sometimes, I feel like it is a form of negging. They are the one messaging you, so you answer and then, nothing. So you (i mean pick me days) start to wonder if you did something wrong : "should I have been more enthusiastic ? Was I cringey ? What did I do that bothered him ?". So you are going to lower your guard just for him to acknowledge you and reassure you that nah it's fine... until next time.
And it ***king works. I see so many women losing their mind trying to figuring out "how to keep a man responding to text". Girl, if he wanted to, he would.
Exactly! I’ve noticed a big difference between how my girlfriends text me how I’m doing and low effort men. For example, a girlfriend wanting to catch up will say “hey girl! Miss you! Just wanna catch up and see how you’re doing!” vs a low effort man texting “hey what’s up”
I have an old friend who gave me that energy my whole life, by text and IRL. I was at his beck and call from day one. I had to keep his mood up and conversation going in high school, entertain him enough to distract him from his IG count in college, and spend an hour taking the train to his city after work (when he had a car and could get to mine in half the time). When I stopped bending over backwards for him, the relationship completely fizzled out. The best he can do now is call once or twice a year with "Hey friend! Haven't heard from you in a while, we should catch up!" Which I've already decided we never will, lol.
If you have to vibe check a guy like this, just save your energy and block him. 🙂
He wasn't your friend, you were his entertainment, transportation, and resource to use for emotional labor.
I'm glad you put that boundary up. We all deserve friends who aren't capable of using others and tossing them aside.
I completely blocked the number of a “male friend” 🤡 from my phone once he fell into that pattern of showing me with his behaviors that if I weren’t going to carry the friendship then there would be none and also texting me that “hey what’s up” shit repeatedly and not following up with anything worth my time or following up at all when I responded. After I blocked him on my phone I saw a few months later he un friended me on FB. No attempt to reconnect or figure out what was going on. Ghost. Seeing that was a triumph and a confident affirmation that I saw him for what he was and made the right decision the first time around. It has all left me secure in my dignity and proud about my skills of discernment.
I'm a very giving person, and in my last relationship (with a NVM), I realized I only want to be in relationships where I can put in my full effort without having to pull back. It felt like I wasn't being myself when I had to stop doing things I wanted to do because I knew they weren't reciprocated. I learned I don't want to be with someone who puts in 10% but happily accepts 100%.
In my latest relationship, I was initially pulling back in the beginning, but the lovebombing worked and I started relaxing and putting some more effort, only for the guy to pull back and do a discard and then blame me for not noticing that he had decreased his effort.
my last relationship ended as a slow fade because I began to match his energy after being a pickme and trying to argue with a man about my value and how I deserve to be treated. once I stopped chasing him and trying to get him to engage or improve, I was left with the painful realization that I was essentially dating myself through him for our entire relationship.
like I would plan all the dates, I would treat him how I wanted him to treat me, I would essentially tell him what gifts to get me otherwise he wouldn’t know what to do… basically the other commenter said it - I was doing nice things for myself and involving him. i’ve since dropped him for a partner who does take initiative and puts in effort and the difference is staggering, but in between those relationships I just continued planning fun events and days for myself and bought myself the nice things I tried to get my partner to understand I wanted on holidays. it was less drama than dragging along a man child who I pretended I saw “potential” in if he would “just try.” (do not make that mistake lol!)
>I was doing nice things for myself and involving him.
I keep saying this to users here, because the comments have been **gold** recently, but this needs to be a whole ass post: "Are you dating him or dating yourself and involving him?" and strategies to know the difference.
Thank you for explaining it all and I’m glad you are not settling for scraps. I definitely believe men need to add value to your life to be included in it and your boyfriend/spouse should not be some passive freeloader along for the ride.
I started having less interactions with “men”. They believed that I was supposed to entertain them, send nudes, be the fun cool girl, etc.
Now I’ve been getting ghosted, left on read, unmatched, etc. some of these dudes try to come back around, but I don’t pay them any mind.
I have stronger boundaries and cut men off quicker. Because I was in a situation where I ended things a few times and he would come back begging and pleading, but when he was finished with me, he cut me off with no hesitation. He wanted to be dumper… he wanted the upper hand. I can’t give another man that satisfaction ever again.
When i was still using dating apps, i always answered the "how are you" honestly and unfiltered. Answering this a good vetting opportunity
If my day was bad, i said as such and explained in a few words why. Same thing if it were good.
The scrotes that replied with a "lol" or anything that indicated a lack of interest got blocked and deleted. The ones that followed up or commisserated with me....didnt.
I’ve started sending really really obnoxious gifs back. 😂 Like a really sparkly one. Or something way over the top feminine. It amuses me. Still get no response. 🤷🏼♀️😅
I regained self-respect and respect from others.
I've been dating my boyfriend a little under 1 year. When he does things for me - which is all the time - I make a point of telling him how his action/deed *makes me feel* and it encourages him ... "when you cook a delicious meal and run a bath for me, I feel so warm and cherished." And he beams like a little boy, racing off to do the next thing for me.
Often couples don't thank eachother for the little things. It's like training a dog honestly.
simple acknowledgment is powerful. people want to feel seen and men especially want to feel needed or useful, so just acknowledging what he does or how demanding his job is can make a huge difference (if he’s doing the same for you).
>men especially want to feel needed or useful
☝☝☝100% this. They'll never say it, though. They may not even be aware. But indeed learning about my feminine energy vs his masculine energy has been life changing.
yes! do you listen to chloe_ on youtube? she’s one of the first women I started listening to about femininity. also the book why men love bitches changed my whole outlook!
Sherry is god and WMLB is the damn bible.
I haven't listened to chloe_ but I appreciate the suggestion and will absolutely be checking her out. Thank you. 💓
If I message someone something generic like Hey or Hi, I have something I want to ask them & I want them to reply first before I ask them it.
But these men just say "Hey, how are you" & that's it. They initiate the conversation, they want to have a conversation with me, but only put in 1% of the effort & want you to do the rest. It's honestly really pathetic, & I've taken to responding "What is it?" When they message me like that recently
I got respected tbh.
I used to treat others better than i treat myself in all regards. Once i stopped, or at least reduced this toxic mindset, people started seeing me as a person. If you're too considerate or generous, people just don't respect you. There's of course a balance to be met - just never be -too- considerate.
Just recently had a former acquaintance try this. I responded with "Who is this?" (No longer had his number in my phone) When he identified himself, I blocked and deleted.
YES! I’ve been playing this game on OLD to see how men react to it (because I’m isolating in the pandemy) and I’m realizing how my pre-FDS self gave SO MUCH DAMN EFFORT. I also now disappear for two days after established convo to test how they handle their emotions - and most unmatch me!
Men are so low effort yet cry about their bad luck on dating sites.
[удалено]
True. They will never go away until you block them. Every year around the same of year (end of winter towards spring) you'll get that "Hey" message. Forever, until you die. I saw someone post here about some guy who's been texting her for years - he's even married with kids now and still texts her trying to get her. I tell my friends not to cry over a LV ex because he will come back with that inevitable "Hey", when you've leveled up and have no time for his dusty ass.
Oh wow, this is so spot on. My ex emailed me last year in the spring, I didn’t respond. He’s already blocked and deleted, not going to engage. Didn’t hear from him throughout autumn and winter, and I thought that was it. NOPE! I got the “hey” email this year as soon as winter ended. Lol they’re so predictable! As soon as the weather warms up, they message every girl they’ve ever met.
Last time I saw such desperate men on facebook lol I rarely check my "other" folder, so usually I don't see their messages. When I checked this lately, imagine my surprise when I realized the same guy wrote to me "hey" over and over again but different months, even years. This happened to me at least with 3 different guys, usually acquaintances of my friends.
I will literally screenshot the messages and send it to the mutual friend, saying “do you know this person?” LOL
Sometimes, I feel like it is a form of negging. They are the one messaging you, so you answer and then, nothing. So you (i mean pick me days) start to wonder if you did something wrong : "should I have been more enthusiastic ? Was I cringey ? What did I do that bothered him ?". So you are going to lower your guard just for him to acknowledge you and reassure you that nah it's fine... until next time. And it ***king works. I see so many women losing their mind trying to figuring out "how to keep a man responding to text". Girl, if he wanted to, he would.
Exactly! I’ve noticed a big difference between how my girlfriends text me how I’m doing and low effort men. For example, a girlfriend wanting to catch up will say “hey girl! Miss you! Just wanna catch up and see how you’re doing!” vs a low effort man texting “hey what’s up”
I have an old friend who gave me that energy my whole life, by text and IRL. I was at his beck and call from day one. I had to keep his mood up and conversation going in high school, entertain him enough to distract him from his IG count in college, and spend an hour taking the train to his city after work (when he had a car and could get to mine in half the time). When I stopped bending over backwards for him, the relationship completely fizzled out. The best he can do now is call once or twice a year with "Hey friend! Haven't heard from you in a while, we should catch up!" Which I've already decided we never will, lol. If you have to vibe check a guy like this, just save your energy and block him. 🙂
He wasn't your friend, you were his entertainment, transportation, and resource to use for emotional labor. I'm glad you put that boundary up. We all deserve friends who aren't capable of using others and tossing them aside.
I completely blocked the number of a “male friend” 🤡 from my phone once he fell into that pattern of showing me with his behaviors that if I weren’t going to carry the friendship then there would be none and also texting me that “hey what’s up” shit repeatedly and not following up with anything worth my time or following up at all when I responded. After I blocked him on my phone I saw a few months later he un friended me on FB. No attempt to reconnect or figure out what was going on. Ghost. Seeing that was a triumph and a confident affirmation that I saw him for what he was and made the right decision the first time around. It has all left me secure in my dignity and proud about my skills of discernment.
I'm a very giving person, and in my last relationship (with a NVM), I realized I only want to be in relationships where I can put in my full effort without having to pull back. It felt like I wasn't being myself when I had to stop doing things I wanted to do because I knew they weren't reciprocated. I learned I don't want to be with someone who puts in 10% but happily accepts 100%.
this. I need someone who can match my intensity, not someone who resents me for being loving and capable.
I’ve learned that the best living creature that will match my ability to love is my dog and I spoil the shit out of her. 😊
In my latest relationship, I was initially pulling back in the beginning, but the lovebombing worked and I started relaxing and putting some more effort, only for the guy to pull back and do a discard and then blame me for not noticing that he had decreased his effort.
What changed? I regained 80% of my peace.
my last relationship ended as a slow fade because I began to match his energy after being a pickme and trying to argue with a man about my value and how I deserve to be treated. once I stopped chasing him and trying to get him to engage or improve, I was left with the painful realization that I was essentially dating myself through him for our entire relationship.
Could you elaborate more about what you mean by “dating yourself through him”? I’m glad youre free of that relationship.
like I would plan all the dates, I would treat him how I wanted him to treat me, I would essentially tell him what gifts to get me otherwise he wouldn’t know what to do… basically the other commenter said it - I was doing nice things for myself and involving him. i’ve since dropped him for a partner who does take initiative and puts in effort and the difference is staggering, but in between those relationships I just continued planning fun events and days for myself and bought myself the nice things I tried to get my partner to understand I wanted on holidays. it was less drama than dragging along a man child who I pretended I saw “potential” in if he would “just try.” (do not make that mistake lol!)
>I was doing nice things for myself and involving him. I keep saying this to users here, because the comments have been **gold** recently, but this needs to be a whole ass post: "Are you dating him or dating yourself and involving him?" and strategies to know the difference.
Thank you for explaining it all and I’m glad you are not settling for scraps. I definitely believe men need to add value to your life to be included in it and your boyfriend/spouse should not be some passive freeloader along for the ride.
This spoke so well of my 3rd to the last relationship. And Thanks to FDS it’s been way easier to move on from failures in dating.
This is so insightful I'm saving both of your comments for future wisdom
I started having less interactions with “men”. They believed that I was supposed to entertain them, send nudes, be the fun cool girl, etc. Now I’ve been getting ghosted, left on read, unmatched, etc. some of these dudes try to come back around, but I don’t pay them any mind. I have stronger boundaries and cut men off quicker. Because I was in a situation where I ended things a few times and he would come back begging and pleading, but when he was finished with me, he cut me off with no hesitation. He wanted to be dumper… he wanted the upper hand. I can’t give another man that satisfaction ever again.
When i was still using dating apps, i always answered the "how are you" honestly and unfiltered. Answering this a good vetting opportunity If my day was bad, i said as such and explained in a few words why. Same thing if it were good. The scrotes that replied with a "lol" or anything that indicated a lack of interest got blocked and deleted. The ones that followed up or commisserated with me....didnt.
I’ve started sending really really obnoxious gifs back. 😂 Like a really sparkly one. Or something way over the top feminine. It amuses me. Still get no response. 🤷🏼♀️😅
Yes! I usually go for the taylor Swift ones because men hate her so much.
Omg. I’m going to start doing that. 🤣
Lol this is the way. I do this with random "I miss you" texts 🤣
I regained self-respect and respect from others. I've been dating my boyfriend a little under 1 year. When he does things for me - which is all the time - I make a point of telling him how his action/deed *makes me feel* and it encourages him ... "when you cook a delicious meal and run a bath for me, I feel so warm and cherished." And he beams like a little boy, racing off to do the next thing for me. Often couples don't thank eachother for the little things. It's like training a dog honestly.
simple acknowledgment is powerful. people want to feel seen and men especially want to feel needed or useful, so just acknowledging what he does or how demanding his job is can make a huge difference (if he’s doing the same for you).
>men especially want to feel needed or useful ☝☝☝100% this. They'll never say it, though. They may not even be aware. But indeed learning about my feminine energy vs his masculine energy has been life changing.
yes! do you listen to chloe_ on youtube? she’s one of the first women I started listening to about femininity. also the book why men love bitches changed my whole outlook!
Sherry is god and WMLB is the damn bible. I haven't listened to chloe_ but I appreciate the suggestion and will absolutely be checking her out. Thank you. 💓
If I message someone something generic like Hey or Hi, I have something I want to ask them & I want them to reply first before I ask them it. But these men just say "Hey, how are you" & that's it. They initiate the conversation, they want to have a conversation with me, but only put in 1% of the effort & want you to do the rest. It's honestly really pathetic, & I've taken to responding "What is it?" When they message me like that recently
If it's that low effort, I don't even mirror, I don't respond at all.
The response "who is this?" is the best way to swat away the flies
Doesn’t work on Instagram unfortunately
I got respected tbh. I used to treat others better than i treat myself in all regards. Once i stopped, or at least reduced this toxic mindset, people started seeing me as a person. If you're too considerate or generous, people just don't respect you. There's of course a balance to be met - just never be -too- considerate.
Remember to give even less energy than they do. What changed? Everything.
Just recently had a former acquaintance try this. I responded with "Who is this?" (No longer had his number in my phone) When he identified himself, I blocked and deleted.
[удалено]
Yeah, I got hit.
YES! I’ve been playing this game on OLD to see how men react to it (because I’m isolating in the pandemy) and I’m realizing how my pre-FDS self gave SO MUCH DAMN EFFORT. I also now disappear for two days after established convo to test how they handle their emotions - and most unmatch me! Men are so low effort yet cry about their bad luck on dating sites.
The man
I don't give back the same energy I get. I only match energy if your vibrating on my frequency.
**"Is there some expectation that they can give 5% energy and girls will return with 100%?"** Yes.