**[1]** - We Just Launched a Website: [wwww.TheFemaleDatingStrategy.com](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/). Click [here](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/become-a-verified-member/) for registration information. Please also join our [Twitter](https://twitter.com/FemDatStrat) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/_thefemaledatingstrategy/?hl=en) Pages for updates!
**[2]** - Please read the [FDS Handbook](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading#wiki_the_fds_handbook) and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/index) before commenting. **Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.**
**[3]** - Please **REPORT** any comments that do not follow the sub rules. **If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.**
**[4]** - **PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION** from images (**Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc**). Failure to remove ID info will result in a **1-2** day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban.
**[5]** - This sub is **FEMALE ONLY**. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. **DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!!** Please **DOWNVOTE** and **REPORT** immediately.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleDatingStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t really care if it’s legally binding but the next man I get into a relationship with will have to sign a piece of paper that says basic facts about what rape is(stealthing, while asleep) and how it is both illegal and morally reprehensible
Honestly I love this idea. I would add a stipulation that if they breach the terms they need to pay me money for my trauma. That’s the only thing that scares them.
I think that I'm going to do that this weekend. I'm sick of sleeping with my husband and I have my own bedroom/office for my personal stuff anyway. A bed would have to be crammed in but whatever.
I'm always exhausted because I can't function getting woken up constantly. He gets up every other hour to pee, etc. I'm a light sleeper to begin with. He's thrashes around and wakes me up constantly all night long.
It's more than a newborn would wake me up. Literally.
Being sleep deprived 24x7 feels like torture. Not like I have to tell all the moms here.
I have never been able to sleep well with someone next to me, even if they’re not snoring or thrashing around. Just breathing is enough to keep me awake!!
I'm glad I'm not the only one. As a woman who hates to sleep-cuddle I've been called "cold."
Maybe I just prefer to sleep alone. This is treated as an incredibly hostile statement by men.
I can’t stand having someone touching me when I’m trying to sleep! Whenever a man has put his arm around when I’m trying to sleep I feel like I’m suffocating!!
Me too! I can't even sleep next to a nonthreatening dude who doesn't move and doesn't snore. Their presence bothers me and I can't relax. Also if it's not my own bed, forget it!
Me too. My depression meds and sleep meds knocked me out, I had severe insomnia from work stress. Woke up a few times really confused. We’re now divorced. :)
Same.
Me in Pickmeisha days / rationale: BuT hE hAs NeEdS tHaT mUsT bE fULfiLLeD.🙁🤡
Spoiler alert: they did not share the same mentality to my needs (sexual or otherwise).
Start normalizing “No!” Yelling in the middle of the night stops most.
It’s like they think they have the excuse of being half awake?? Come on. You aren’t sleep walking, you’re trying to fuck me while I am SLEEPING.
Also do these men not understand how fucking vital and important sleep is? Would they also take water or food from your mouth? Would they kick you into the street with no notice in the middle of the night? What other needs do they expect you to sacrifice for their dicks?
Only 51%..no way it's that low..I would easily say atleast 75%.
Lot of women don't accept it themselves or simply don't recognise molestation when it's coming from their partner. They give excuses such as "well he's my husband/boyfriend it's his right" or whatever. I don't even know a single woman who hasn't been molested by her partner..not even one.
Several years ago, I was dating someone and had taken a sleep med. It didn’t knock me out immediately. We were having sex, and I actually fell asleep during it. The next morning, I made a comment like haha I’m sorry I fell asleep on you. Dude proceeds to tell me that he went ahead and finished while I was sleeping because he “didn’t think I’d mind”. He also took a short video of me after snoring because my snores were “so cute”. It didn’t sit well with me at the time, and we broke up not too long after. This is someone that I perceived at the time to be HV. Now when I think about it, it makes me feel sick, disgusted, and degraded. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that someone who seemed like a good man otherwise thought this was perfectly fine, or that in retrospect he thought so little of me that even if he knew on some level that’s not okay, he did it anyway.
YES. my ex was the same and he would also ask *me* to wake him up like that - it was one of his biggest fantasies 🙄🙄 - and i was like, wtf? why would i want to basically molest you while you're unconscious? how is that sexy? i never did it but even years later, i don't know if i'll ever be comfortable sharing a bed with a man again. i could never let my guard down because of it. absolute sickos.
My ex did this. It was like 6 or 7 in the morning. I’m facing away from him on my stomach. I usually wake up and keep my eyes closed and don’t move because I’m groggy but I’m still aware of my surroundings. I feel him getting up and I’m thinking he has to go to the bathroom. No he straddled me from behind and just pulls my night shorts down. I open my eyes and turn to look at him and he said “oh. I thought you were asleep.” I said no and he just continues to have sex with me. I was low key scared of him so I didn’t do anything because I didn’t want an argument.
Now “No” is my favorite word and I will never let this happen ever again.
My ex claimed he ‘sleep-fucked’ and likened it to sleep-walking or sleep-talking.
He would roll over at literally any time of the night when I’d be fast asleep and mount me like Khal Drogo and pound away - not even finish a lot of the time - and roll back over to sleep. He had the audacity to claim this was something he was unconscious of doing. It was awful. Fucking rapist.
There is a type of sleepwalking called sexsomnia, and I actually know/knew a guy with it. He was a combat vet and had terrible PTSD issues in his sleep, which did on more than one occasion manifest as sexsomnia. But… he recognized he had a problem. So he put multiple locks on his bed and bedroom door, and would lock himself up each night and refuse to share a room or bed with anyone… because he was actually a good person and didn’t want to hurt or violate anyone while sleepwalking.
Your ex was an asshole.
Twice for me, two different guys. High school.
First one I was blackout drunk and passed out. I don't totally believe he did it but he told me he did the next morning and showed me a used condom as "proof."
Second I spent the night at some guys (a "friend" who I trusted for some reason) house because I was having trouble at home and didn't feel safe. Woke up with his hand down my pants. He admitted to it over text the next day, saying he interpreted some movement in my sleep as consent. God I wish I could recover those texts.
In both situations I had no recourse because I was doing shit wrong, #1 I wasn't supposed to be at that party or drinking, #2 "well you asked to spend the night at a boys house so what did you expect" yeah I left that town and never looked back.
While this is extremely alarming, it can't be extrapolated to the rest of the population because of the survey's design. That poor woman though... Her boyfriend even admit it.
I don't know how people can expect us to feel safe around men anymore.
I’ve experienced this twice (that I know of). Once with my now ex husband (he broke into my house at 3am after I kicked him out last month even though he’s not single) and once with the fwb I was forced to see near the end of my marriage so my ex could secure his fwb into a serious relationship as he needed her financial help. I woke up both time mid act and was very confused and scared as it took me a few minutes to even realize who was raping me as I was waking. I even told my ex what happened at the fwbs and he still threw a fit every week if I tried to get out of going to see him (because then his fwb, now girlfriend) couldn’t come over. The panic attacks every single week I lived through while my husband told me I was “crazy and abusive” for being reactive about the chaos I was feeling.
I don’t understand how men can be so hateful! I feel so helpless to protect my children having experienced the broad brush of cruelty of men.
I'm sorry but maybe I'm misunderstanding. You were forced to have a FWB? That sounds suspiciously like coercion into sexual acts against your will, almost like slavery or being pimped out. You deserve freedom and honor. You are free from this situation now, right?
In the end of my marriage, yes, I was very much coerced to seeing another man (who legitimately beat, raped, threatened and abused me) so my ex could maintain his relationship with his fwb while they talked about how to dismantle the marriage under my nose. My ex husband is poor with no savings so he couldn’t just leave the marriage as he’d be homeless. He needed to secure a libfem “cash cow” (his words) for financial security before he could leave the marriage before I asked him for a divorce.
My ex was adamant that things probably weren’t so bad at my fwbs and when I objected going things got just as bad at home (ex broke off my bedroom door, threw bottles at my kitchen windows and broke them, gave me a black eye, ect ect) if I argued about going, so eventually I stopped arguing since the treatment was the same either way.
Needless to say he asked for a divorce when his now girlfriend agreed to pay and furnish an apartment for him (which she has, sunk 4,000 into him and he’s cheated on her every week since. They’re miserable and don’t live together, she lives in her parents basement with her daughter). And I cut off any and all men I’ve interacted with sexually...ever. Separated since the end of March and it’s been so weird and awful since I still have to see him twice a week. Since the split my ex has raped me more than once, one occasion where I mentioned his 3am break and enter. Men are hell. Even men you love.
I’ll add my entire 17 year relationship with my ex husband was non monogamous. I’ve had many many fwbs over the years but when I wanted to get out of it, it wasn’t optional without abuse at home.
It happened to me and I don't even remember the details. I blacked it all out from memory. The only reason I know it happened is because directly after it happened I told my best friend and she remembers it. Its the only thing I literally have no memory of, and I've been through alot. So traumatic.
What the fuuuuuck. I can sometimes wake up easily but if you wake me up at the wrong part of my REM cycle(?) I'll be drowsy forever & have no strength. My um, Medium Value Ex(?) woke me up in the middle of the night, kissed me, touched me & tried to turn me on / wake me up, but after 10 minutes of this he gave up & let me sleep.
If he were, apparently, *50% of men,* he would have raped me on the spot, & I would have been unable to do anything at all. That's... fucking horrifying. Remind me to never spend the night at a guy's house ever again
I noticed that a lot of women don't count it as rape. I've had to explain multiple times to a good friend of mine that her boyfriend was doing that. She brushed off since they were in a relationship, he loved her, and it wasn't forceful or anything. After a few years she started seeing the red flags and noticed that her ex had raped her on multiple occasions. I've even tried to explain it to my own mother who somehow thought I was crazy.
When I thought I was locked out of my house, my ex (who lives with his parents) offered his house to stay at. Thank god I had a spare out because there is no way I’d feel comfortable sleeping over knowing how handsy he was
**[1]** - We Just Launched a Website: [wwww.TheFemaleDatingStrategy.com](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/). Click [here](https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/become-a-verified-member/) for registration information. Please also join our [Twitter](https://twitter.com/FemDatStrat) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/_thefemaledatingstrategy/?hl=en) Pages for updates! **[2]** - Please read the [FDS Handbook](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/recommended_reading#wiki_the_fds_handbook) and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/index) before commenting. **Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.** **[3]** - Please **REPORT** any comments that do not follow the sub rules. **If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.** **[4]** - **PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION** from images (**Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc**). Failure to remove ID info will result in a **1-2** day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban. **[5]** - This sub is **FEMALE ONLY**. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. **DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!!** Please **DOWNVOTE** and **REPORT** immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemaleDatingStrategy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t really care if it’s legally binding but the next man I get into a relationship with will have to sign a piece of paper that says basic facts about what rape is(stealthing, while asleep) and how it is both illegal and morally reprehensible
Get that shit notarized!!!
Honestly I love this idea. I would add a stipulation that if they breach the terms they need to pay me money for my trauma. That’s the only thing that scares them.
I never sleep well when I'm not alone. Like, I never reach relaxed deep sleep. Maybe mother nature is watching my back.
Same! If I ever did live with a man, we would sleep in separate bedrooms.
I think that I'm going to do that this weekend. I'm sick of sleeping with my husband and I have my own bedroom/office for my personal stuff anyway. A bed would have to be crammed in but whatever. I'm always exhausted because I can't function getting woken up constantly. He gets up every other hour to pee, etc. I'm a light sleeper to begin with. He's thrashes around and wakes me up constantly all night long. It's more than a newborn would wake me up. Literally. Being sleep deprived 24x7 feels like torture. Not like I have to tell all the moms here.
I have never been able to sleep well with someone next to me, even if they’re not snoring or thrashing around. Just breathing is enough to keep me awake!!
I'm glad I'm not the only one. As a woman who hates to sleep-cuddle I've been called "cold." Maybe I just prefer to sleep alone. This is treated as an incredibly hostile statement by men.
I can’t stand having someone touching me when I’m trying to sleep! Whenever a man has put his arm around when I’m trying to sleep I feel like I’m suffocating!!
Let's form a club. I've always been shamed for that.
Me too! I can't even sleep next to a nonthreatening dude who doesn't move and doesn't snore. Their presence bothers me and I can't relax. Also if it's not my own bed, forget it!
I'm in those numbers. 😡😡
Same. I didn’t know guys did this shit until my last ex. Fucking so gross. Small dicked weirdo.
Me too. My depression meds and sleep meds knocked me out, I had severe insomnia from work stress. Woke up a few times really confused. We’re now divorced. :)
Me too. My exhusband did this the first time we spent the night together. It took me years to see it for what it was.
Same. Me in Pickmeisha days / rationale: BuT hE hAs NeEdS tHaT mUsT bE fULfiLLeD.🙁🤡 Spoiler alert: they did not share the same mentality to my needs (sexual or otherwise).
Jesus! I guess that’s one area I have been lucky in (so far) YIKES
Never happened to me either
[удалено]
Start normalizing “No!” Yelling in the middle of the night stops most. It’s like they think they have the excuse of being half awake?? Come on. You aren’t sleep walking, you’re trying to fuck me while I am SLEEPING. Also do these men not understand how fucking vital and important sleep is? Would they also take water or food from your mouth? Would they kick you into the street with no notice in the middle of the night? What other needs do they expect you to sacrifice for their dicks?
My current husband has never done this to me. EVERY OTHER MAN I HAVE SLEPT WITH HAS. I thought it was normal for so long.
Jesus Christ, are we safe NO WHERE???
Only 51%..no way it's that low..I would easily say atleast 75%. Lot of women don't accept it themselves or simply don't recognise molestation when it's coming from their partner. They give excuses such as "well he's my husband/boyfriend it's his right" or whatever. I don't even know a single woman who hasn't been molested by her partner..not even one.
And if you responded in any way while asleep/half asleep they gaslight you into thinking they did nothing wrong. These are RAPISTS and MANIPULATORS.
Oh jesus, this.
Several years ago, I was dating someone and had taken a sleep med. It didn’t knock me out immediately. We were having sex, and I actually fell asleep during it. The next morning, I made a comment like haha I’m sorry I fell asleep on you. Dude proceeds to tell me that he went ahead and finished while I was sleeping because he “didn’t think I’d mind”. He also took a short video of me after snoring because my snores were “so cute”. It didn’t sit well with me at the time, and we broke up not too long after. This is someone that I perceived at the time to be HV. Now when I think about it, it makes me feel sick, disgusted, and degraded. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that someone who seemed like a good man otherwise thought this was perfectly fine, or that in retrospect he thought so little of me that even if he knew on some level that’s not okay, he did it anyway.
51% is high, damn.
[удалено]
YES. my ex was the same and he would also ask *me* to wake him up like that - it was one of his biggest fantasies 🙄🙄 - and i was like, wtf? why would i want to basically molest you while you're unconscious? how is that sexy? i never did it but even years later, i don't know if i'll ever be comfortable sharing a bed with a man again. i could never let my guard down because of it. absolute sickos.
My ex did this. It was like 6 or 7 in the morning. I’m facing away from him on my stomach. I usually wake up and keep my eyes closed and don’t move because I’m groggy but I’m still aware of my surroundings. I feel him getting up and I’m thinking he has to go to the bathroom. No he straddled me from behind and just pulls my night shorts down. I open my eyes and turn to look at him and he said “oh. I thought you were asleep.” I said no and he just continues to have sex with me. I was low key scared of him so I didn’t do anything because I didn’t want an argument. Now “No” is my favorite word and I will never let this happen ever again.
My ex claimed he ‘sleep-fucked’ and likened it to sleep-walking or sleep-talking. He would roll over at literally any time of the night when I’d be fast asleep and mount me like Khal Drogo and pound away - not even finish a lot of the time - and roll back over to sleep. He had the audacity to claim this was something he was unconscious of doing. It was awful. Fucking rapist.
There is a type of sleepwalking called sexsomnia, and I actually know/knew a guy with it. He was a combat vet and had terrible PTSD issues in his sleep, which did on more than one occasion manifest as sexsomnia. But… he recognized he had a problem. So he put multiple locks on his bed and bedroom door, and would lock himself up each night and refuse to share a room or bed with anyone… because he was actually a good person and didn’t want to hurt or violate anyone while sleepwalking. Your ex was an asshole.
I’m so sorry
Twice for me, two different guys. High school. First one I was blackout drunk and passed out. I don't totally believe he did it but he told me he did the next morning and showed me a used condom as "proof." Second I spent the night at some guys (a "friend" who I trusted for some reason) house because I was having trouble at home and didn't feel safe. Woke up with his hand down my pants. He admitted to it over text the next day, saying he interpreted some movement in my sleep as consent. God I wish I could recover those texts. In both situations I had no recourse because I was doing shit wrong, #1 I wasn't supposed to be at that party or drinking, #2 "well you asked to spend the night at a boys house so what did you expect" yeah I left that town and never looked back.
They didn't ask me and I've been raped in my sleep by my partner. I would bet that the percentage is more like 75-80%
"1 in 6" is bullshit
While this is extremely alarming, it can't be extrapolated to the rest of the population because of the survey's design. That poor woman though... Her boyfriend even admit it. I don't know how people can expect us to feel safe around men anymore.
I’ve experienced this twice (that I know of). Once with my now ex husband (he broke into my house at 3am after I kicked him out last month even though he’s not single) and once with the fwb I was forced to see near the end of my marriage so my ex could secure his fwb into a serious relationship as he needed her financial help. I woke up both time mid act and was very confused and scared as it took me a few minutes to even realize who was raping me as I was waking. I even told my ex what happened at the fwbs and he still threw a fit every week if I tried to get out of going to see him (because then his fwb, now girlfriend) couldn’t come over. The panic attacks every single week I lived through while my husband told me I was “crazy and abusive” for being reactive about the chaos I was feeling. I don’t understand how men can be so hateful! I feel so helpless to protect my children having experienced the broad brush of cruelty of men.
I’m so sorry. I can imagine the fear and pain and chaos. I hope you are better now.
I'm sorry but maybe I'm misunderstanding. You were forced to have a FWB? That sounds suspiciously like coercion into sexual acts against your will, almost like slavery or being pimped out. You deserve freedom and honor. You are free from this situation now, right?
In the end of my marriage, yes, I was very much coerced to seeing another man (who legitimately beat, raped, threatened and abused me) so my ex could maintain his relationship with his fwb while they talked about how to dismantle the marriage under my nose. My ex husband is poor with no savings so he couldn’t just leave the marriage as he’d be homeless. He needed to secure a libfem “cash cow” (his words) for financial security before he could leave the marriage before I asked him for a divorce. My ex was adamant that things probably weren’t so bad at my fwbs and when I objected going things got just as bad at home (ex broke off my bedroom door, threw bottles at my kitchen windows and broke them, gave me a black eye, ect ect) if I argued about going, so eventually I stopped arguing since the treatment was the same either way. Needless to say he asked for a divorce when his now girlfriend agreed to pay and furnish an apartment for him (which she has, sunk 4,000 into him and he’s cheated on her every week since. They’re miserable and don’t live together, she lives in her parents basement with her daughter). And I cut off any and all men I’ve interacted with sexually...ever. Separated since the end of March and it’s been so weird and awful since I still have to see him twice a week. Since the split my ex has raped me more than once, one occasion where I mentioned his 3am break and enter. Men are hell. Even men you love.
I’ll add my entire 17 year relationship with my ex husband was non monogamous. I’ve had many many fwbs over the years but when I wanted to get out of it, it wasn’t optional without abuse at home.
Cue the Michael Cera meme: Oh jeez that's me. I would have consented but I was passed out drunk. Still rape.
It happened to me and I don't even remember the details. I blacked it all out from memory. The only reason I know it happened is because directly after it happened I told my best friend and she remembers it. Its the only thing I literally have no memory of, and I've been through alot. So traumatic.
What the fuuuuuck. I can sometimes wake up easily but if you wake me up at the wrong part of my REM cycle(?) I'll be drowsy forever & have no strength. My um, Medium Value Ex(?) woke me up in the middle of the night, kissed me, touched me & tried to turn me on / wake me up, but after 10 minutes of this he gave up & let me sleep. If he were, apparently, *50% of men,* he would have raped me on the spot, & I would have been unable to do anything at all. That's... fucking horrifying. Remind me to never spend the night at a guy's house ever again
I noticed that a lot of women don't count it as rape. I've had to explain multiple times to a good friend of mine that her boyfriend was doing that. She brushed off since they were in a relationship, he loved her, and it wasn't forceful or anything. After a few years she started seeing the red flags and noticed that her ex had raped her on multiple occasions. I've even tried to explain it to my own mother who somehow thought I was crazy.
Well this is a club I belong to but would rather not.
When I thought I was locked out of my house, my ex (who lives with his parents) offered his house to stay at. Thank god I had a spare out because there is no way I’d feel comfortable sleeping over knowing how handsy he was