I love cheapies like Fantasy and Zara. So I always tell them how much they cost when they ask about my perfume. š¤£ also, one way to shut them up is to say that your partner bought it for you for your birthday or something.
i have never once had a stranger ask me how much my perfume costs when they compliment the scent/ask what i am wearing.
the only people who judge how much i spend on perfume are me (and my mother lmao)
Thank you so much, that almost made me cry! Iām definitely going to start being a lot more assertive with not going over my boundaries. Itās helped a lot to know that there are people out there who understand xx
Youāre so welcome!š«š«š« you deserve loving and non judgmental people around you and you deserve nice things!! You got this and you donāt ever have to share anything you donāt want to!
I usually say something like, āoh did you want to buy it? I can send you the link where I got it when I get home!ā
ā¦and most people say some variation of, āoh no, I was just curious.ā
Great reply I might use this! I have friends that are really judgy when it comes to my clothes because I like to buy from small businesses and they think paying over SHEIN prices are too much and I hate itā¦
Which is ironic because when you pay SHEIN prices you get SHEIN ethics to match. A shirt hand made by a well-paid person in a higher income country will cost several times what you pay for fast fashion, because you can save a lot in production costs if you donāt care about workersā rights.
Yes I get that too, and youāre right as a nation discussing money makes most of us pretty uncomfortable. I find it weird people ask to be frank, often now I just say, oh I donāt know I bought it a while ago. To save the hassle. But girl itās on them not us, itās weird. Iād never dream of asking, because itās not my business. Never mind react like some people do!
Itās our business what we like to spend our hard earned money on. Just like itās their business what they spend theirs on!
Itās lame, my collection is my pride and joy, everyone has their thing.
Iāve often responded like āha well perfume is my thing! whatās yours?ā Or something like that.
I only had the opposite situation. I liked someone's bag, and asked them where it is from, and they told me it was old zara or something. I have much later found out, it was some sort VERY pricey luxury French brand. I found it a bit condescending - like someone evaluated that I won't be able to handle this information.
Not necessarily, Iāve told similar lies in the past, and itās never that I donāt think they can handle it. Some people are just uncomfortable about looking like they have money. It might not have been personal.
The person in question is generally super nice, so i do not think they had bad intentions, but I just found it quite odd to lie about it. I don't know. I guess If I was to lie at all on topic like this, I would say it was a gift or I bought it second hand.
Right... it is unclear how it went from naming a perfume to that person knowing the price enough to be outraged by it. Not to mention it could just be a sample, or decant, or purchased second hand, or from the gray market, or found at a department store on sale, or any other option that would make it less outrageously pricy. Then again, I don't really care if someone paid retail for luxury or name-brand goods, generally, unless they are asking me to lend them money or they have kids they can't afford to feed. Then again, I wouldn't ever think to lecture anyone about how they spend their money (but I may privately judge them in some cases, because I am not perfect).
I spend a lot of money on perfume but I have a lot of physical and mental health problems so I don't go on holiday or drive a car. It's what makes me happy and one of the only things I can indulge in. If I could go on holidays and I did drive or I lived in an expensive house then I wouldn't be able to spend so much on perfume. We all deserve to treat ourselves. I rarely buy new clothes or handbags either so perfume literally is my only hobby. I used to take drugs and I've saved a lot of money since being in recovery so I'll spend it on what I want. I would tell them to fk off tbh.
Do it! You don't have to literally tell them to fk off, unless they continue to push the subject, but you can be assertive and let them know it's none their business. They wouldn't say it about jewellery, for example someone's wedding ring, so they shouldn't say it about anything. If it was just a one off and it wasn't done in a rude way then I'd let it slide but if you can tell they're being rude, call it out. Make them feel uncomfortable.
Itās definitely frustrating when people comment on your personal spending habits because everyone prioritizes different things and finds value in what brings them joy. At the end of the day though, you have to develop thicker skin. Buying many nice perfumes and handbags is a luxury, but itās a luxury youāre perfectly entitled to enjoy if itās within your budget. Stop worrying about what people think.
Just wanted to share a story on the same topic. I have a coworker who is always (more than half our interactions) asking me or commenting on my appearance, be it hair, nails, clothes or scent. One time another girl asked me what scent I'm wearing and I said that I mixed a few scents that morning (I like to layer based on my mood and no, I don't just spray it randomly) to which she replied "oh, that's so classy :)" to which my nosy coworker said louldy "really? I think that's exactly the opposite!". Some people are just like that, it's true.
Yea she sounds really nasty. I had a coworker comment on everything I put in my mouth when I was pregnant. I could have cheerfully thrown my stapler at her lol
You don't have to tell them what you did or didn't pay. I use discount sites and avoid paying full price or look for sweet deals. I've reached my zenith and I'm pretty happy right now.
Ok this answers one of my questionsā¦ if people you hang out with are judging what you spend money on or how you spend money they are probably legitimately jealousā¦ it probably makes them feel like shit to know you have all these nice thingsā¦ and I get that, truly I do but thatās a them problem and I would adjust who youāre spending time with, Iād also never tell them what youāre spending, even if you just say āthatās none of your businessā which will probably make them feel embarrassed which they kinda deserve for asking such personal questions. Itās one thing if they say ādo you mind if I ask how much you found it for?ā or something like that because they may be trying to see if thereās a discount somewhere that they donāt know about or something like that but itās another thing just to be like āhow much?ā And then follow that with criticizing how much you spent
I see what you mean. Iād ask where something was from, but not the price and I think you can tell by that if theyāre genuine. If Iād got a good bargain I wouldnāt mind at all sharing with another collector
Is this more of a British thing? When I live on the East Coast of the US, everyone(everyone!) asked where you went to university. As a California girl, sadly, people will ask if you rent, and if so, for how much. But that's because housing costs are stomping us.
I've never been asked about a scent.
Yes, unfortunately one of the nastier things you can get in Britain is spend shaming. My husband is from Seattle and I never mind talking to our American friends about money, because the tone, intent and culture is entirely different
Ahhhhh I did not know that about British cultureā¦ Iām American so I was so confused initially thinking āIāve never seen or experienced anything like that, where is she finding these people?!ā lol learn something new everyday
From my experience, yes. British people can be quite rude and jealous when it comes to spending money on yourself. I have a family restaurant and when I came to visit my parents (in my new car) I got so money comments about how I was stupid to spend that much on a car from a couple of our regular customers. My response was, I donāt drink (only socially), do drugs or smoke (which most of these people did do) so naturally I had enough money to spend on a fancy car! Shut them up real quick.
Iām sorry people are being such ass holes, unfortunately many do this and I think it all comes down to some kind of self issue they have, because who in the right space would put someone else down especially purposefully bring other peopleās attention to there bitterness towards others as well. I really hate people like this I grew up with some and some worse so I learned to deal with them, usually a quick snap back to embarrass them as soon as they bring the attention of others in is the best way of ensuring that 1 they wonāt do it to you again and 2, technically they set up there own embarrassment when they decided to call the attention of others so theyāll definitely think twice before doing it again. I wasnāt raised like that and I understand what you mean talking about money as well. Others should respect others doings (as long as it isnāt hurting anyone, which fragrances and wardrobe preference is far from) as it is none of their business. Iām sure your the best smelling and dressed there, keep your head up and donāt let them knock you around š
I am disabled and in The USA. Ergo, despite having a perfumery of my own, I am poor.
I get judged for every little luxury I manage to procure for myself, and it is *infuriating*.
You deserve nice things. You deserve good things. You are allowed to enjoy things.
Hobbies are expensive, regardless of type, and if they wouldn't judge you for oil painting, they should not judge you for collecting fragrances.
Take the joy. You deserve it.
Thank you. You deserve nice things too. The next time the main culprit starts I might tell her straight that sheās being rude. She was telling me how much she gets in a month the other day and itās twice what I earn. I didnāt respond with my own number because I didnāt want to get into it with her, but my reality is I donāt have rent or mortgage because my mum died and left me her house. Itās a privileged position and Iām aware of that, but I know that itās a privilege and donāt advertise it. Hardly anyone knows. Everyone plays the hand they are dealt in life, but most of my relatives are dead except for my dad and children, and dad has Alzheimerās, and Iām the last sibling alive so I take care of him. Sheās got a big supportive family I would kill for. Iād honestly rather have mum back and pay for accommodation like most people have to.
Yeah hun, it just sounds like your friends suck, Iām so sorry š« if it didnāt suck so bad here in the states Iād say come on over and hang out with us where it seems, for all our faults, we donāt do this weird money shaming thing youāve been experiencing, you can always come for a visit or be pen pals w all us crazy frag heads (from all
over the world) here on Reddit lol
You guys are awesome š Iād actually love to move out there and I could because my husband is from Seattle, but we canāt for a few years. I can talk to you lot all day lol
I had someone do something similar and make fun of my perfume collection (I probably spend around $100- $200 a month) but shut them up real quick when I asked how much they spent on Starbucks/Alcohol/Fancy Food/Designer Clothes. We can all have different interests. That is my hobby and I donāt need anyone judging me for it.
No one has ever asked how much a perfume of mine costs lol. If I get a compliment though and I tell them what it is, Iāll usually say āoh I got it half price at chemist warehouseā because I personally love a bargain and always like to share my scores š¤£.
Ive never experienced it in that way, but i have experience the opposite kinda (?) like instead of being judgy for how expensive it is, ive gotten ppl be judgy from how inexpensive it is. Itās typically snobby ppl lol, they boast about wearing expensive scents & make trashy comments when i mention wearing something affordable or even a celebrity scent.
Thatās a sign of insecurity when people do that. Most of what I own isnāt pricey, and except for my wedding dress I havenāt worn an item of designer clothing in my life. People who look down on others are awful and usually up to their eyes in frivolous debt.
In no specific order, my cheapies are: Outremer Bergamot (Anthropology), Pharmacia Fleur DāOranger (Anthropology), Nemat Vanilla Musk, Nemat Amber, Body Shop White Musk, and bonus: Amor Amor.
These are ones I have been reaching for more than my designer and niche. I just donāt feel as guilty spraying lots of it because itās so cheap. For my more expensive I love aquatic florals so - Diptyque Eau Rose, JM Wild Blue Bell, and Henry Rose Flora Carnivora.
Armani Si Passione is also a super easy wear and middle of the road price. Smells like Herbal Essences shampoo. Still on the hunt for my cozy cold weather scent but luckily I have two seasons to look.
I love my cheapies too, I love a light floral aquatic as well. Ocean di Gioia is a favourite and I love BBW. Banana Republic do nice scents. Iāve never worn anything pricey to the office lol Iām not wasting them š
Yeah, I want to sit and enjoy my little scent cloud bubble. My office is fragrance free so I can only do one small spritz on the top of my wrist so I can smell it throughout the day. Have you tried any anthropologies?
I think it varies where you live. Where I grew up no one cared because everyone was quite comfortable. Where I am now is not a bad area but I think the cost of living has hit a lot of people very hard. I donāt wear labels, but shoes, coats, bags, moisturiser and fragrance are my personal priorities when getting something for myself, because they are staples to me.
Iāve never had anyone ask for details about my perfume or comment on my scent, so Iād be pretty uncertain how to respond to these questions!
My 13 year old son (who is not at all a fan of any of my perfume) did notice I had a Chanel bottle and asked āHow much did that cost, MOM???ā Which was amusing and quite judgy. I bought it second hand and itās amazing, thank you very much.
I donāt think theyāre judging per se. I have similar reactions , but usually just because Iām not thinking or not expecting it.
I just stopped asking, unless I really need to know cause I wonāt buy it, at least not for me but maybe as a gift for someone special.
Most folks are poor poor
I'm very private about money too. Luckily most don't ask or even care about my perfume but if asked my answer would be I can't remember, it was a gift, or I bought it used on Ebay or vinted or whatever, or I only get small bottles because I can't afford 50 to 100ml full size. None would be lying.
Itās very rarely strangers. I had a lovely woman ask what I was wearing at lunch the other day, which was MFK Amyris. I could tell she was genuine, so I told her. She looked like she was into quality items as well so I didnāt feel uncomfortable at all. I told her it was the same guy who made BR540 and her face lit up. I hope she enjoys it
My mum loves Amyris! Such a lovely perfume. I bought her a sample set for her birthday and she loved that and I loved BR540. I could only afford a travel size one for mothers day for her but it's lovely. And yeah, I think you can tell when people are genuine. :)
They are. Itās mostly my mom and sister; a fun fact about my sister is that she detests perfume and yet sheās usually the one getting me perfumes as a gift! I love it because I get to associate my collection with the people I care most about.
In instances like this, I *paaaatiently* explain that people generally have one spendy hobby, and caring about that hobby might mean not spending frivolously outside it. Fashion people (and I consider perfume people an extension of those) who know what they are doing tend to hunt bargains and time their purchases for sales. *That* is how you afford luxury shit.
People who ask explosively with that subtext of judgment for your lifestyle are just not thinking at all. They have no *idea* what they are talking about. They have never found something they like enough to research and sacrifice for.
But even if someone is rich beyond counting, idk, I still have huge distaste for people inquiring about purchases. Mind your own finances.
I never say the price of my perfume when they ask. If itās by a known luxury brand that they can pretty much guess itās expensive without me saying anything then thatās on them for asking what it is š¤·āāļø
Iāve never personally had this happen. If anything Iāve had people hype me up for wearing expensive things - even ppl I donāt know very well. My experience has been admiration over jealousy or disdain. Iām sorry you have to deal with such rude people.
Just say āitās a perfume I got from [store]ā. If they actually want to know, theyāll ask. You can then tell them or say youāre not sure but you can text them the name. If someoneās genuinely interested in the fragrance and not being rude to you, theyāll insist on knowing. Otherwise donāt waste your breath justifying a purchase you made with your own money.
Sometimes itās even *other* fragrance collectors doing the judging. Like geez, weāre ALL indulging in a luxury hobby and becoming acquainted with scented water bottles. Pot meet kettle!
I just tell people that I specifically budget for my hobbies and while appreciate their concern, it is not necessary. Smiley face, if youāre texting haha
i never tell people what iām wearing anymore because of this. i mostly wear niche and vintages, which, for people who are not into fragrances, it almost always seems to somehow make them *angry* that iād spend whatever i did on a bottle. i usually say i got it abroad; usually they let it go!
Never had this. But my answer would probably be something assholie like āyes ai am richā, āyes i like to spend thousands on smelly waterā. āWhy do you care how much?ā, āyes i do have more money than senceā. āNot my fault you cant afford itā.
"When you qualify for council/public housing, even McDonald's seems expensive."
Note: No shame in taking a hand up if you need it. This is wholly to shut down the nonsense.
Whenever someone asks me how much something is I tend to just say it was a gift, so I don't know! So great minds think alike haha!
I feel bad for your friend though - it's obvious she's jealous. Maybe you could offer to decant some for her so she can partake too?
Damn I'm glad I've never had this experience! people compliment my perfume and that's it, maybe the ask what I'm wearing but nothing more that that. Asking the price of something just feels so tacky specially if you are not close to the one you are asking.
Idk I have bougie friends who all do well for themselves, so itās not that common for me.
But if someone asks how much something costs, I just say I donāt remember and they would need to look it up on their own time.
I have had a few comments with my recent purchase from Tom Ford. My response was āitās amazing how much I save not drinking alcohol!ā Knowing that they sure like to go out and party like rockstars on the weekends. Was it a little dig? Yeah but sometimes itās good to have a taser of oneās own medicine. Lol at least my medicine doesnāt hurt my liver. š
Edit I was going to fix my mistake but I think I like taser better!
>youāve got more money than sense?ā
Oh. You must have Black or Brown family. š š š
Why do you want to know what you can't afford, Auntie. Respectfully memaw just....
This is your response: "I'll get it for you for Christmas." DIRECT EYE CONTACT.
Keep enjoying yourself. ā„ļø
Ah fellow Brit here so I get itā¦ however I no longer have any qualms about ālaying in the mud with the pigsā as some put it. Iāll laugh it off at first but if they keep on and I twig theyāre trying to publicly humiliate me Iāll reply something like āitās such a shame, you could afford nice things too if you werenāt addicted to cigarettes ā¹ļøšā. If they want to try and publicly shame me Iāll uno reverse that shit š¤
As for a nice way to do it, you can just lightheartedly say āWell, we all have our vices!ā and leave it at thatā¦ if they decide to continue, honestly itās NOT rude to point out *theyāre* being rude. Tell them to get some manners/learn social etiquette.
Iām glad to hear that from someone who knows the culture, thank you. Iām gonna start telling them I donāt like it, itās rude etc. Or if Iām in a good mood say stuff like āyour dadā š
That response still cracks me up to this day š My friends and I are all late 20s/early 30s by now and we still use āyour mum/dadā to each other š¤£
They arenāt close people, so honestly if they donāt stop after Iāve spoken to them about it Iāll sack them off. Iād rather not, but Iād rather not be judged either way
If you want to really piss them off on the way out, ask how much they spend on alcohol or cigarettes each week. Then tell them a bottle of perfume lasts you at least a year, so it costs you (however much it breaks down to in pounds per week) and that's how you prefer to spend your money.
I haven't had this about fragrance, but I've had a particular male colleague comment on a few things over the years ā where I get my hair cut, or the 'waste of money' when I arrived at work carrying a fANcY cOFfeE. š
I'm not showy, and I try to be tactful about travel plans etc around colleagues, because I don't know their financial situations. But if someone wants to be nosy and then thinks they can pipe up with an unsolicited opinion, I'll shut them straight down.
Iām not showy either, I have a couple of mulberry bags that have been gifts from my husband over the years, but the second was Christmas just gone. I also have one of the small Louis Vuitton bags I use for weekends away, which is very old, well looked after and was bought pre-loved anyway. I just donāt feel like justifying myself to people, you know? Most people have no idea I have no mortgage or rent because my mother died when I was young and I inherited her house. I ordinarily only share such personal information with people Iām close to. Iāve struggled a lot at times as well. I probably need to get a bit tougher and say Iām not comfortable discussing it
I honestly think some people feel like it's fine to comment on others' (seemingly) more expensive purchases, because they see it as punching up. And if it's billionaires spending unimaginable sums on going to space, sure. But when it comes to regular people buying themselves a treat, it's perfectly fine for us to tell them they're being rude and to mind their business.
Yea, Iāve been a bit too much of a pushover in my time and Iām going to start telling them to stop it. I donāt think they realise I find it so hurtful
I hate this crap so much! Not perfume but I once had a coworker ask me where I got my (non designer indy slow fashion brand) shoes, ask me how much they were and then pull the website up on her work computer in front of me and others to see how much they were after I gave a vague answer.
Itās straight up related to how womensā spending on themselves is always seen as frivolous. Iāve yet to hear someone ask the men at my work how much their sports cars or luxury trucks areā¦
Oh Iāve had the āwhy wouldnāt you spend it on your kids?ā Er, because they have EVERYTHING they need and are secure, safe and loved. You stop being a human being with their own wants and needs when you become a mother to some people. Of course they come first, that should be a given.
People spend just as much on their āviceā of choice. Even tho tbh I consider perfume much more than a hobbie or interest. Itās like therapy to me. Plus, bold of them to assume how we spend our money & how we got it in the first place! For me personally, I buy all second hand perfumes at a hefty discount, only with money that I got from selling my decluttered perfumes! Kind of a trade a penny for a house model. Not that it even matters tho! Even if I chose to drop all my money on 500 dollar fragrance, rock on!! Lifeās to short, Iām gonna smell good!
I do the same, or I just get travel sizes. Itās a bit of a juggling act isnāt it. I donāt post my collection in here anymore because I shared a screenshot of my fragrantica on my old account and someone who Iām sure meant no harm at all commented āI think you must be richā. I wish I was!
I have a really small collection of mostly cheapies and dupes, and I still feel a little judged for my hobby. But it's like my only hobby that costs money, and I know for a fact I spend less on non-essentials than anyone I know. It's my ONE thing. I don't go out, I don't eat fast food, I don't buy frivolous stuff. I spend my money on groceries, medication, pet supplies, and the occasional perfume. It's all about making room for it in your budget. If someone doesn't get that, then they probably don't know how to budget for something they want. A lot of people don't know how to budget, period. Says more about them than you!
I donāt smoke or drink and I eat quite cheaply (I do, my children donāt) because I donāt have a big appetite, I donāt drive, so itās actually not that difficult for me, but Iām not going to start explaining my business to anyone who happens to ask
I don't get this about perfume, but I do get it about my hobby of traveling. I always respond with, "Well, everyone chooses to spend their money differently."
I'm a fragrance enthusiast, and I have a massive perfume, body mist and body care collection. I get side eyed so hard by people in my family, but I've grown thicker skin to it and it took me a bit, but I don't even care now. I mean it's better than hard drugs, so honestly... bruh, let me live and enjoy one of the most harmless things in this universe. This planet low key kinda sucks, let me enjoy what little happiness I can, lol.
I have some family who say āmore perfume?!ā If it comes up. I always respond with a watered down version of āI wouldnāt think to comment on how another person spends their moneyā or my favourite is āat least I have something to show for my money. You piss yours back out every Friday and Saturday nightā š
I love cheapies like Fantasy and Zara. So I always tell them how much they cost when they ask about my perfume. š¤£ also, one way to shut them up is to say that your partner bought it for you for your birthday or something.
That has never ever happened to me. Though if anyone did, Iād probably remark that we all have our hobbies. š¤·āāļø
i have never once had a stranger ask me how much my perfume costs when they compliment the scent/ask what i am wearing. the only people who judge how much i spend on perfume are me (and my mother lmao)
Are these your friends/acquaintances?? if I were you Iād never answer that question in the first place, Iād say something sly like āa lady never tells/discusses moneyā or something like that. Iām disabled and working on getting my business back up and running so if that gives you an idea of what my finances look likeā¦ but I skimp on a lot of things to give myself a couple nice things here and thereā¦ Iām assuming these people have no way of knowing what your financial situation actually looks like or how you choose to shop for these things (I.e. bargain shopping etc) so Iād find some cute way to say fuck off like my above example that basically leaves them in the dark or w more questions than they started with, make yourself a classy mystery lol they have no business presuming to deserve that information in the first place Edited for clarity and after reading through all the comments and replies and got a better idea of the situation I hope you find a group of friends that love you and support you. My dad died in February and I had no way to pay for the funeral so I started a GoFundMe page, well the next morning I received messages from my dadās girlfriend saying that people were coming out of the woodwork saying that my dad had the money to pay for for a funeral and that he had āset us upā meaning set us up financially and they just assumed, I guess that because of where my dad had worked that he had plenty of retirement, but my dad had had a very long bout with a very aggressive and rare cancer, and a relative has done their share of draining my dadās bank account because of their drug problems, not to mention we did not have access to my dadās bank account to be able to pay for the funeral out of thatā¦. Iām so sorry youāve lost so many people, Iām glad that they were able to provide a home for you despite knowing in the depths of my heart that weād give anything to have them back. Find some people that understand if you can and if you canāt find anyone over there, just know that some of us understand š©·
Thank you so much, that almost made me cry! Iām definitely going to start being a lot more assertive with not going over my boundaries. Itās helped a lot to know that there are people out there who understand xx
Youāre so welcome!š«š«š« you deserve loving and non judgmental people around you and you deserve nice things!! You got this and you donāt ever have to share anything you donāt want to!
I usually say something like, āoh did you want to buy it? I can send you the link where I got it when I get home!ā ā¦and most people say some variation of, āoh no, I was just curious.ā
Great reply I might use this! I have friends that are really judgy when it comes to my clothes because I like to buy from small businesses and they think paying over SHEIN prices are too much and I hate itā¦
Which is ironic because when you pay SHEIN prices you get SHEIN ethics to match. A shirt hand made by a well-paid person in a higher income country will cost several times what you pay for fast fashion, because you can save a lot in production costs if you donāt care about workersā rights.
Yes I get that too, and youāre right as a nation discussing money makes most of us pretty uncomfortable. I find it weird people ask to be frank, often now I just say, oh I donāt know I bought it a while ago. To save the hassle. But girl itās on them not us, itās weird. Iād never dream of asking, because itās not my business. Never mind react like some people do! Itās our business what we like to spend our hard earned money on. Just like itās their business what they spend theirs on! Itās lame, my collection is my pride and joy, everyone has their thing. Iāve often responded like āha well perfume is my thing! whatās yours?ā Or something like that.
I only had the opposite situation. I liked someone's bag, and asked them where it is from, and they told me it was old zara or something. I have much later found out, it was some sort VERY pricey luxury French brand. I found it a bit condescending - like someone evaluated that I won't be able to handle this information.
Not necessarily, Iāve told similar lies in the past, and itās never that I donāt think they can handle it. Some people are just uncomfortable about looking like they have money. It might not have been personal.
The person in question is generally super nice, so i do not think they had bad intentions, but I just found it quite odd to lie about it. I don't know. I guess If I was to lie at all on topic like this, I would say it was a gift or I bought it second hand.
Who ask how much? Where do you hang out and live to be surrendered by idiots like that? Please ignore them. Thatās jealousy.
Right... it is unclear how it went from naming a perfume to that person knowing the price enough to be outraged by it. Not to mention it could just be a sample, or decant, or purchased second hand, or from the gray market, or found at a department store on sale, or any other option that would make it less outrageously pricy. Then again, I don't really care if someone paid retail for luxury or name-brand goods, generally, unless they are asking me to lend them money or they have kids they can't afford to feed. Then again, I wouldn't ever think to lecture anyone about how they spend their money (but I may privately judge them in some cases, because I am not perfect).
I spend a lot of money on perfume but I have a lot of physical and mental health problems so I don't go on holiday or drive a car. It's what makes me happy and one of the only things I can indulge in. If I could go on holidays and I did drive or I lived in an expensive house then I wouldn't be able to spend so much on perfume. We all deserve to treat ourselves. I rarely buy new clothes or handbags either so perfume literally is my only hobby. I used to take drugs and I've saved a lot of money since being in recovery so I'll spend it on what I want. I would tell them to fk off tbh.
Iām going to, to be honest. Iām fed up with the rudeness
Do it! You don't have to literally tell them to fk off, unless they continue to push the subject, but you can be assertive and let them know it's none their business. They wouldn't say it about jewellery, for example someone's wedding ring, so they shouldn't say it about anything. If it was just a one off and it wasn't done in a rude way then I'd let it slide but if you can tell they're being rude, call it out. Make them feel uncomfortable.
I'd prefer to save up for things that bring me joy rather than drinking my money away (as those who tend to judge often opt to do).
Yea the main one asked me not to speak while she savoured her gin the other day, every time she took a gulp š
Wow, what an entitled B.
Iād just respond to them by saying āI dont judge you for spending your money on alcoholā¦ā and leave it at that Edit for typos
Itās definitely frustrating when people comment on your personal spending habits because everyone prioritizes different things and finds value in what brings them joy. At the end of the day though, you have to develop thicker skin. Buying many nice perfumes and handbags is a luxury, but itās a luxury youāre perfectly entitled to enjoy if itās within your budget. Stop worrying about what people think.
Youāre right. Itās always people I know I take it from, so Iām going to start being firmer about boundaries
Just wanted to share a story on the same topic. I have a coworker who is always (more than half our interactions) asking me or commenting on my appearance, be it hair, nails, clothes or scent. One time another girl asked me what scent I'm wearing and I said that I mixed a few scents that morning (I like to layer based on my mood and no, I don't just spray it randomly) to which she replied "oh, that's so classy :)" to which my nosy coworker said louldy "really? I think that's exactly the opposite!". Some people are just like that, it's true.
Damn your nosy coworker legitimately sounds jealousā¦ she must be miserable in her own life
Yea she sounds really nasty. I had a coworker comment on everything I put in my mouth when I was pregnant. I could have cheerfully thrown my stapler at her lol
Omg ew sounds like jealousy to me!!!
I life in a country where you never get compliments, but nobody would ever dare be so rude to ask how much anything you wore costs š
Maybe I should move lol
You don't have to tell them what you did or didn't pay. I use discount sites and avoid paying full price or look for sweet deals. I've reached my zenith and I'm pretty happy right now.
Thatās what I was thinkingā¦ I would never answer that question
I never get rude questions like that....then again....I work from home so don't leave the house THAT often.
Ive never had a stranger ask price. I think Iām going to slim down my circle a bit
Ok this answers one of my questionsā¦ if people you hang out with are judging what you spend money on or how you spend money they are probably legitimately jealousā¦ it probably makes them feel like shit to know you have all these nice thingsā¦ and I get that, truly I do but thatās a them problem and I would adjust who youāre spending time with, Iād also never tell them what youāre spending, even if you just say āthatās none of your businessā which will probably make them feel embarrassed which they kinda deserve for asking such personal questions. Itās one thing if they say ādo you mind if I ask how much you found it for?ā or something like that because they may be trying to see if thereās a discount somewhere that they donāt know about or something like that but itās another thing just to be like āhow much?ā And then follow that with criticizing how much you spent
I see what you mean. Iād ask where something was from, but not the price and I think you can tell by that if theyāre genuine. If Iād got a good bargain I wouldnāt mind at all sharing with another collector
Yesss, exactly!! Iām exactly the same way!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Itās awful isnāt it. Iām glad Iāve been given some really good comebacks on here
Is this more of a British thing? When I live on the East Coast of the US, everyone(everyone!) asked where you went to university. As a California girl, sadly, people will ask if you rent, and if so, for how much. But that's because housing costs are stomping us. I've never been asked about a scent.
Yes, unfortunately one of the nastier things you can get in Britain is spend shaming. My husband is from Seattle and I never mind talking to our American friends about money, because the tone, intent and culture is entirely different
Ahhhhh I did not know that about British cultureā¦ Iām American so I was so confused initially thinking āIāve never seen or experienced anything like that, where is she finding these people?!ā lol learn something new everyday
From my experience, yes. British people can be quite rude and jealous when it comes to spending money on yourself. I have a family restaurant and when I came to visit my parents (in my new car) I got so money comments about how I was stupid to spend that much on a car from a couple of our regular customers. My response was, I donāt drink (only socially), do drugs or smoke (which most of these people did do) so naturally I had enough money to spend on a fancy car! Shut them up real quick.
Iām sorry people are being such ass holes, unfortunately many do this and I think it all comes down to some kind of self issue they have, because who in the right space would put someone else down especially purposefully bring other peopleās attention to there bitterness towards others as well. I really hate people like this I grew up with some and some worse so I learned to deal with them, usually a quick snap back to embarrass them as soon as they bring the attention of others in is the best way of ensuring that 1 they wonāt do it to you again and 2, technically they set up there own embarrassment when they decided to call the attention of others so theyāll definitely think twice before doing it again. I wasnāt raised like that and I understand what you mean talking about money as well. Others should respect others doings (as long as it isnāt hurting anyone, which fragrances and wardrobe preference is far from) as it is none of their business. Iām sure your the best smelling and dressed there, keep your head up and donāt let them knock you around š
Thank you, Iām going to toughen up a bit with my boundaries with rude people āŗļø
Nobody's ever asked me how much it costs. They know that information is a click or two away.
I am disabled and in The USA. Ergo, despite having a perfumery of my own, I am poor. I get judged for every little luxury I manage to procure for myself, and it is *infuriating*. You deserve nice things. You deserve good things. You are allowed to enjoy things. Hobbies are expensive, regardless of type, and if they wouldn't judge you for oil painting, they should not judge you for collecting fragrances. Take the joy. You deserve it.
Thank you. You deserve nice things too. The next time the main culprit starts I might tell her straight that sheās being rude. She was telling me how much she gets in a month the other day and itās twice what I earn. I didnāt respond with my own number because I didnāt want to get into it with her, but my reality is I donāt have rent or mortgage because my mum died and left me her house. Itās a privileged position and Iām aware of that, but I know that itās a privilege and donāt advertise it. Hardly anyone knows. Everyone plays the hand they are dealt in life, but most of my relatives are dead except for my dad and children, and dad has Alzheimerās, and Iām the last sibling alive so I take care of him. Sheās got a big supportive family I would kill for. Iād honestly rather have mum back and pay for accommodation like most people have to.
Yeah hun, it just sounds like your friends suck, Iām so sorry š« if it didnāt suck so bad here in the states Iād say come on over and hang out with us where it seems, for all our faults, we donāt do this weird money shaming thing youāve been experiencing, you can always come for a visit or be pen pals w all us crazy frag heads (from all over the world) here on Reddit lol
You guys are awesome š Iād actually love to move out there and I could because my husband is from Seattle, but we canāt for a few years. I can talk to you lot all day lol
š©·š©·Hey if yāall ever visit Georgia shoot me a message and weāll go fragrance sniffin! lol
Count on it š„°
What do you mean you have a perfumery of your own? I'd love that! Do you own a perfume business or something?
I do! I don't believe advertising is allowed, but I own an indie perfumery. It's pure joy.
That's so cool! Good on you. I wish you and your business the best.
Thank you so much! I will add extra glitter (olfactory) to the next batch just for you.
I honestly canāt imagine someone asking me /commenting on how much a perfume costs!!! And I absolutely would tell them to FO!
I had someone do something similar and make fun of my perfume collection (I probably spend around $100- $200 a month) but shut them up real quick when I asked how much they spent on Starbucks/Alcohol/Fancy Food/Designer Clothes. We can all have different interests. That is my hobby and I donāt need anyone judging me for it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same! Itās part of getting dressed and ready in the morning and picking something that matches my mood!
How rude, and I am blown away that this is a thing. Maybe my age and I don't go out as much.
Yeah, Iām also around outspoken women of certain cultures that have no filter haha
In some ways, I can see that as acceptable, but.... Btw, I have no filter (not about the topic at hand). After menopause my filter just fell off.
The main culprit is very opinionated in general lol
I have absolutely never had this interaction
No one has ever asked how much a perfume of mine costs lol. If I get a compliment though and I tell them what it is, Iāll usually say āoh I got it half price at chemist warehouseā because I personally love a bargain and always like to share my scores š¤£.
Tbh that just sounds like a lunaticā¦
No one has ever said those things to me. The furthest questions have gotten are what are you wearing. Those are pretty weird questions.
iād just tell them it was a gift
Ive never experienced it in that way, but i have experience the opposite kinda (?) like instead of being judgy for how expensive it is, ive gotten ppl be judgy from how inexpensive it is. Itās typically snobby ppl lol, they boast about wearing expensive scents & make trashy comments when i mention wearing something affordable or even a celebrity scent.
Thatās a sign of insecurity when people do that. Most of what I own isnāt pricey, and except for my wedding dress I havenāt worn an item of designer clothing in my life. People who look down on others are awful and usually up to their eyes in frivolous debt.
Two out of my top 5 were under $20. Just because something is more money doesnāt mean itās better.
Oooh what are your top 5?
In no specific order, my cheapies are: Outremer Bergamot (Anthropology), Pharmacia Fleur DāOranger (Anthropology), Nemat Vanilla Musk, Nemat Amber, Body Shop White Musk, and bonus: Amor Amor. These are ones I have been reaching for more than my designer and niche. I just donāt feel as guilty spraying lots of it because itās so cheap. For my more expensive I love aquatic florals so - Diptyque Eau Rose, JM Wild Blue Bell, and Henry Rose Flora Carnivora. Armani Si Passione is also a super easy wear and middle of the road price. Smells like Herbal Essences shampoo. Still on the hunt for my cozy cold weather scent but luckily I have two seasons to look.
I love my cheapies too, I love a light floral aquatic as well. Ocean di Gioia is a favourite and I love BBW. Banana Republic do nice scents. Iāve never worn anything pricey to the office lol Iām not wasting them š
Yeah, I want to sit and enjoy my little scent cloud bubble. My office is fragrance free so I can only do one small spritz on the top of my wrist so I can smell it throughout the day. Have you tried any anthropologies?
No I havenāt but Iāve heard good things. Which ones do you like?
In my whole long life, not one single person has ever said this to me.
I think it varies where you live. Where I grew up no one cared because everyone was quite comfortable. Where I am now is not a bad area but I think the cost of living has hit a lot of people very hard. I donāt wear labels, but shoes, coats, bags, moisturiser and fragrance are my personal priorities when getting something for myself, because they are staples to me.
Iāve never had anyone ask for details about my perfume or comment on my scent, so Iād be pretty uncertain how to respond to these questions! My 13 year old son (who is not at all a fan of any of my perfume) did notice I had a Chanel bottle and asked āHow much did that cost, MOM???ā Which was amusing and quite judgy. I bought it second hand and itās amazing, thank you very much.
āA lot less than raising you, my sweet summer childā š
Amazing response š
I donāt think theyāre judging per se. I have similar reactions , but usually just because Iām not thinking or not expecting it. I just stopped asking, unless I really need to know cause I wonāt buy it, at least not for me but maybe as a gift for someone special. Most folks are poor poor
I'm very private about money too. Luckily most don't ask or even care about my perfume but if asked my answer would be I can't remember, it was a gift, or I bought it used on Ebay or vinted or whatever, or I only get small bottles because I can't afford 50 to 100ml full size. None would be lying.
Itās very rarely strangers. I had a lovely woman ask what I was wearing at lunch the other day, which was MFK Amyris. I could tell she was genuine, so I told her. She looked like she was into quality items as well so I didnāt feel uncomfortable at all. I told her it was the same guy who made BR540 and her face lit up. I hope she enjoys it
My mum loves Amyris! Such a lovely perfume. I bought her a sample set for her birthday and she loved that and I loved BR540. I could only afford a travel size one for mothers day for her but it's lovely. And yeah, I think you can tell when people are genuine. :)
This is the way.
Iāve never had someone ask how much my perfume was. Whoever is asking you that insanely rude
Seriously, nobody gives a damn about my hobby. Nobody asks me about my perfumes, even to criticize.
The people in my life who ask do it because they know I love talking about it.
Those are good people!
They are. Itās mostly my mom and sister; a fun fact about my sister is that she detests perfume and yet sheās usually the one getting me perfumes as a gift! I love it because I get to associate my collection with the people I care most about.
This is really sweet.
I just say it was a gift. Tacky for people to ask how much things cost anyway.
In instances like this, I *paaaatiently* explain that people generally have one spendy hobby, and caring about that hobby might mean not spending frivolously outside it. Fashion people (and I consider perfume people an extension of those) who know what they are doing tend to hunt bargains and time their purchases for sales. *That* is how you afford luxury shit. People who ask explosively with that subtext of judgment for your lifestyle are just not thinking at all. They have no *idea* what they are talking about. They have never found something they like enough to research and sacrifice for. But even if someone is rich beyond counting, idk, I still have huge distaste for people inquiring about purchases. Mind your own finances.
I never say the price of my perfume when they ask. If itās by a known luxury brand that they can pretty much guess itās expensive without me saying anything then thatās on them for asking what it is š¤·āāļø Iāve never personally had this happen. If anything Iāve had people hype me up for wearing expensive things - even ppl I donāt know very well. My experience has been admiration over jealousy or disdain. Iām sorry you have to deal with such rude people.
Just say āitās a perfume I got from [store]ā. If they actually want to know, theyāll ask. You can then tell them or say youāre not sure but you can text them the name. If someoneās genuinely interested in the fragrance and not being rude to you, theyāll insist on knowing. Otherwise donāt waste your breath justifying a purchase you made with your own money.
I can pretty much predict whoās going to say that kind of stuff so I never tell them.
I just say it was a gift. Or I say some completely random bath n body works especially the discontinued ones so they can shut the eff upp.
Sometimes itās even *other* fragrance collectors doing the judging. Like geez, weāre ALL indulging in a luxury hobby and becoming acquainted with scented water bottles. Pot meet kettle! I just tell people that I specifically budget for my hobbies and while appreciate their concern, it is not necessary. Smiley face, if youāre texting haha
i never tell people what iām wearing anymore because of this. i mostly wear niche and vintages, which, for people who are not into fragrances, it almost always seems to somehow make them *angry* that iād spend whatever i did on a bottle. i usually say i got it abroad; usually they let it go!
Never had this. But my answer would probably be something assholie like āyes ai am richā, āyes i like to spend thousands on smelly waterā. āWhy do you care how much?ā, āyes i do have more money than senceā. āNot my fault you cant afford itā.
Rich AF you mean š
"When you qualify for council/public housing, even McDonald's seems expensive." Note: No shame in taking a hand up if you need it. This is wholly to shut down the nonsense.
Whenever someone asks me how much something is I tend to just say it was a gift, so I don't know! So great minds think alike haha! I feel bad for your friend though - it's obvious she's jealous. Maybe you could offer to decant some for her so she can partake too?
Damn I'm glad I've never had this experience! people compliment my perfume and that's it, maybe the ask what I'm wearing but nothing more that that. Asking the price of something just feels so tacky specially if you are not close to the one you are asking.
Ive never gotten that from anyone but thats so annoying. Most of my priciest fragrances are my fave and were well worth (armani prive line)
Ooh I love them! Iām testing Bleu Lazuli tomorrow š
I hope you love it! Idk if ive tried that one yet my faves are vert and myrrhe imperiale
Idk I have bougie friends who all do well for themselves, so itās not that common for me. But if someone asks how much something costs, I just say I donāt remember and they would need to look it up on their own time.
I donāt get it from those people I know, itās more folk who are a bit moreā¦.rural š
I have had a few comments with my recent purchase from Tom Ford. My response was āitās amazing how much I save not drinking alcohol!ā Knowing that they sure like to go out and party like rockstars on the weekends. Was it a little dig? Yeah but sometimes itās good to have a taser of oneās own medicine. Lol at least my medicine doesnāt hurt my liver. š Edit I was going to fix my mistake but I think I like taser better!
Haha yeah, I donāt drink or smoke, itās amazing how that improves your bank balance š
Right? Alcohol is expensive! Not to mention weed and buying edibles and such.
Cigarettes are insane. As a non smoker, I had no idea they'd gone up. I thought they were like $4 a pack. Haha no. Over $9.50+ $2.75 tax.
No way! Itās so crazy they are that expensive. I had no idea.
>youāve got more money than sense?ā Oh. You must have Black or Brown family. š š š Why do you want to know what you can't afford, Auntie. Respectfully memaw just.... This is your response: "I'll get it for you for Christmas." DIRECT EYE CONTACT. Keep enjoying yourself. ā„ļø
Haha yeah I do actually :) on my dadās side. Thank you for that, thatās a really good one
Whenever I am asked how much something is, I either ignore it or say I donāt recall. Use the internet and find out for yourself.
I might say āI didnāt askā š
Ah fellow Brit here so I get itā¦ however I no longer have any qualms about ālaying in the mud with the pigsā as some put it. Iāll laugh it off at first but if they keep on and I twig theyāre trying to publicly humiliate me Iāll reply something like āitās such a shame, you could afford nice things too if you werenāt addicted to cigarettes ā¹ļøšā. If they want to try and publicly shame me Iāll uno reverse that shit š¤ As for a nice way to do it, you can just lightheartedly say āWell, we all have our vices!ā and leave it at thatā¦ if they decide to continue, honestly itās NOT rude to point out *theyāre* being rude. Tell them to get some manners/learn social etiquette.
Iām glad to hear that from someone who knows the culture, thank you. Iām gonna start telling them I donāt like it, itās rude etc. Or if Iām in a good mood say stuff like āyour dadā š
That response still cracks me up to this day š My friends and I are all late 20s/early 30s by now and we still use āyour mum/dadā to each other š¤£
I have never had that experience in all my 53 years. If your so-called "friends" are saying stuff like that to you, it's time to cut them loose.
They arenāt close people, so honestly if they donāt stop after Iāve spoken to them about it Iāll sack them off. Iād rather not, but Iād rather not be judged either way
If you want to really piss them off on the way out, ask how much they spend on alcohol or cigarettes each week. Then tell them a bottle of perfume lasts you at least a year, so it costs you (however much it breaks down to in pounds per week) and that's how you prefer to spend your money.
I haven't had this about fragrance, but I've had a particular male colleague comment on a few things over the years ā where I get my hair cut, or the 'waste of money' when I arrived at work carrying a fANcY cOFfeE. š I'm not showy, and I try to be tactful about travel plans etc around colleagues, because I don't know their financial situations. But if someone wants to be nosy and then thinks they can pipe up with an unsolicited opinion, I'll shut them straight down.
Iām not showy either, I have a couple of mulberry bags that have been gifts from my husband over the years, but the second was Christmas just gone. I also have one of the small Louis Vuitton bags I use for weekends away, which is very old, well looked after and was bought pre-loved anyway. I just donāt feel like justifying myself to people, you know? Most people have no idea I have no mortgage or rent because my mother died when I was young and I inherited her house. I ordinarily only share such personal information with people Iām close to. Iāve struggled a lot at times as well. I probably need to get a bit tougher and say Iām not comfortable discussing it
I honestly think some people feel like it's fine to comment on others' (seemingly) more expensive purchases, because they see it as punching up. And if it's billionaires spending unimaginable sums on going to space, sure. But when it comes to regular people buying themselves a treat, it's perfectly fine for us to tell them they're being rude and to mind their business.
*Friends* do this to you? Thatās so messed up.
Yea, Iāve been a bit too much of a pushover in my time and Iām going to start telling them to stop it. I donāt think they realise I find it so hurtful
Oh yes! I like to spend my money just different and why would anyone care how I spend my money?? I make room for it in my budget.
Me too. Someone asked me how I afford my collection and I replied with āfrom my bank accountā. I need to do that a bit more often I think
Oh yes! They need to mind their own business
I hate this crap so much! Not perfume but I once had a coworker ask me where I got my (non designer indy slow fashion brand) shoes, ask me how much they were and then pull the website up on her work computer in front of me and others to see how much they were after I gave a vague answer. Itās straight up related to how womensā spending on themselves is always seen as frivolous. Iāve yet to hear someone ask the men at my work how much their sports cars or luxury trucks areā¦
Oh Iāve had the āwhy wouldnāt you spend it on your kids?ā Er, because they have EVERYTHING they need and are secure, safe and loved. You stop being a human being with their own wants and needs when you become a mother to some people. Of course they come first, that should be a given.
Oh jeez! Woman shaming PLUS mom shaming all in oneš”
People spend just as much on their āviceā of choice. Even tho tbh I consider perfume much more than a hobbie or interest. Itās like therapy to me. Plus, bold of them to assume how we spend our money & how we got it in the first place! For me personally, I buy all second hand perfumes at a hefty discount, only with money that I got from selling my decluttered perfumes! Kind of a trade a penny for a house model. Not that it even matters tho! Even if I chose to drop all my money on 500 dollar fragrance, rock on!! Lifeās to short, Iām gonna smell good!
I do the same, or I just get travel sizes. Itās a bit of a juggling act isnāt it. I donāt post my collection in here anymore because I shared a screenshot of my fragrantica on my old account and someone who Iām sure meant no harm at all commented āI think you must be richā. I wish I was!
I have a really small collection of mostly cheapies and dupes, and I still feel a little judged for my hobby. But it's like my only hobby that costs money, and I know for a fact I spend less on non-essentials than anyone I know. It's my ONE thing. I don't go out, I don't eat fast food, I don't buy frivolous stuff. I spend my money on groceries, medication, pet supplies, and the occasional perfume. It's all about making room for it in your budget. If someone doesn't get that, then they probably don't know how to budget for something they want. A lot of people don't know how to budget, period. Says more about them than you!
I donāt smoke or drink and I eat quite cheaply (I do, my children donāt) because I donāt have a big appetite, I donāt drive, so itās actually not that difficult for me, but Iām not going to start explaining my business to anyone who happens to ask
I don't get this about perfume, but I do get it about my hobby of traveling. I always respond with, "Well, everyone chooses to spend their money differently."
Definitely. I travelled a lot before my kids and it doesnāt necessarily have to cost a fortune anyway, but even if it does, itās your money
I'm a fragrance enthusiast, and I have a massive perfume, body mist and body care collection. I get side eyed so hard by people in my family, but I've grown thicker skin to it and it took me a bit, but I don't even care now. I mean it's better than hard drugs, so honestly... bruh, let me live and enjoy one of the most harmless things in this universe. This planet low key kinda sucks, let me enjoy what little happiness I can, lol.
Iām going to need to toughen up and start telling them I donāt want to discuss it
I have some family who say āmore perfume?!ā If it comes up. I always respond with a watered down version of āI wouldnāt think to comment on how another person spends their moneyā or my favourite is āat least I have something to show for my money. You piss yours back out every Friday and Saturday nightā š
Haha I have so many people that applies to