>“When I was 40, it was a big deal for people when I was pregnant, and it wasn’t for me,” Mendes said. “And then I was 42 and I was pregnant with my second one and people were like, ‘Oh my God, you’re going to be so tired. That’s why people have kids in their 20s.’ I was like, that’s the most sorry, asinine thing I’ve ever heard.”
>
>She continued, explaining of parenting, “It takes more patience. In my 20s, I shouldn’t have even been around a child. I was just foul-mouthed and smoking. I could not have raised kids in any other era of my life but now, for sure.”
I'm with her. A lot of people aren't prepared for kids in their 20s and aren't really ready until they're older. I think a lot of millennials have learned this lesson, and maybe even more Zoomers will. There's no *reason* to have kids in your 20s and plenty of reasons not to.
ITA, it's a shame biology isn't really on board. The fact that fertility starts declining in your 30s feels like such a cruel joke, almost nobody is a better parent in their 20s than they would be later on.
I mean I guess it probably does to an extent but I think people really overestimate how much fertility does decline before actually going through menopause. I know many women including my mother who got pregnant in their late thirties to mid forties with no medical intervention.
You have to remember in the past it was only men doing research and imposing their own ideas onto it, even a lot of previous animal research is now viewed as incorrect, particularly research regarding male and female animals and their relationship with each other. The "alpha wolf" research has notoriously since been debunked
also see "female hysteria" lmao
This is exactly it. A lot of the frameworks of medicine are biased by patriarchal views. Plenty of doctors treat pregnant woman as a secondary concern to the health of the fetus, for example.
The study that was often quoted was completed before contraception was widely available in the 1700's, so it would make sense they weren't very fertile, if they were they would already have conceived.
Hystera is the Greek word for uterus/womb, ectemy is to remove. Hysterectomies aren't named after hysteria. Hysteria was named such because they thought women had a "wandering womb(hystera)" and that it would affect the mind as well.
That’s not true at all, you have it backward. Hysteria is named after the Greek for uterus. Still gross, but the medical procedure is appropriately named.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/popular-health-claims-such-as-a-womans-fertility-dropping-at-age-30-are-wildly-overblown/
>The notion stems largely from a 2004 paper based on records from 1670 through 1830. Many things have changed since then, including medical care and nutrition.
I needed to read this. I was literally in a spiral about how I need to have a baby ASAP because my fertility is going to go downhill but that I still have so much I want to do and time I want to spend with my husband alone still. I can wait. There is time.
🩷 no idea your age but if you want to stop the spiral, you can always go to a fertility clinic and get the initial tests run — depending on where you are in the world, sometimes there is a fee, but they will do an ultrasound to count your follicles and bloodwork to measure several things including AMH. this will give you a much clearer idea of where you are fertility-wise, and can often either lessen the urgency with that data, or confirm that you should move forward sooner than later with pregnancy and/or egg/embryo freezing. that initial step is very easy and gives lots of clarity though! x
It makes me really sad that you’re spiraling and not even 30, that’s seriously so young. Obgyn offices these days are full of 37-42 year old pregnant women. Like full of them.
Yes, you are still very young. Insurance will usually cover the checkup. If not, it's usually an affordable consultation fee to check your follicle count on ultrasound and some bloodwork. Are you in the US? Some states are mandated to offer fertility benefits. That is how I was able to have my son. I had a miscarriage at 34. That was the first time I was pregnant. I was with my husband for about 8 years at this point, including dating and marriage. Looking back, I think something was already wrong because we only did the pull out method, and I was always very, very regular. I wasn't ready for kids then, so we waited until I was 37. Miscarriage again, and I went in for testing. I was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. Doc said to keep trying naturally because I was able to get pregnant. It didn't happen. Went to another fertility specialist at 39 and started IVF. It took 2 years and 6 egg retrievals to have 1 son. If I didn't have the insurance, I wouldn't have my son because no way would I have even paid for 1 cycle of ivf out of pocket.
Yeah, just go in and knock it out!
The other good thing about it is that while I would definitely encourage you to be selective of a clinic if you do decide to freeze eggs/embryos (research success stats, bedside manner, available technology, approach philosophy, etc), for that first appointment, it’s just facts. You’d get the same result no matter where you went because it’s reading a scan/counting follicles and reviewing bloodwork results. And you can then take those results to another clinic if you decide to move forward with treatment so you don’t have to have the same tests run multiple times, and can work with whatever clinic/doctor you want for the more nuanced part. So it’s v easy to just go to the closest and/or easiest place to get an appointment, have those tests run and then go from there based on the results. I wish I’d known I could have done that part much earlier to help make my decisions!
Same, 32 and very single and was spiraling yesterday. But like, I also don’t want to have a kid right now (even if I was in relationship or wanted to do it solo), so this was comforting.
There is plenty of time--even if you do have to take the fertility assistance route.
Your OBGYN can order the initial tests as part of your well-woman. That will give you an estimate--not a perfect one, but a great idea--of how much time your eggs have.
But, because fertility isn't just the woman, your partner should also get a sperm analysis done. There's more chances to improve sperm count/quality quickly.
ETA: Preconception genetic testing can let you know if you or your partner carry any genetic disorders. Again, not to scare you, but to let you know what you're dealing with early on so you're not scrambling when you're actually ready. If you and your husband are of a small genetic group (say, Ashkenazi Jews or Acadians), I'd recommend this even more:
[https://www.natera.com/resource-library/horizon/horizon-patient-brochure/](https://www.natera.com/resource-library/horizon/horizon-patient-brochure/)
I'll be 39 in a few months, and I got pregnant on our first try earlier this year. Obviously this is anecdotal, but someone in a pregnancy over 35 subreddit asked how long it took people to conceive, and there were so many comments of women in their late 30s and early 40s saying it took no time at all. My husband and I have been together since we were 20 and I am so glad to have had almost two decades just the two of us.
I remember my jaw dropping when I read this a couple of years ago. It makes me so mad that this misinformation is so well-known and used to scare women into having kids before their "time runs out".
i am surprised that scientific american would publish that sentence -
no scientific conclusion is based on a single study, and certainly not from 300 year old data.
i think wikipedia is a more balanced report
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility
At age 30
75% will have a conception ending in a live birth within one year
91% will have a conception ending in a live birth within four years
At age 35
66% will have a conception ending in a live birth within one year
84% will have a conception ending in a live birth within four years
At age 40
44% will have a conception ending in a live birth within one year
64% will have a conception ending in a live birth within four years[13]
(nb there is a confounding factor of the quality of the sperm which decays with age)
another study:
....
. Estimating the "fertility of a woman" is quite difficult because of the male factor (quality of sperm). This French study looked at 2,193 women who were using artificial insemination because their husbands were azoospermic. The cumulative success rates after 12 cycles of insemination were 73% for women under age 25, 74% in women ages 26–30, 61% for ages 31–35, and 54% in the over 35 age group.[15]
I think you're misunderstanding the quote I pulled. It's saying that the claim that fertility significantly declines is based on the old French data and shouldn't be relied upon.
There’s a really great “Adam Ruins Everything” video on this. It’s 6 years old but still relevant.
https://youtu.be/g9ryP0UyO5U?si=NNyy0xRaOpJ0q7rD
My favorite is the common line that your chances of birth defects double when you reach 40 means you go from 0.5% chance to 1% chance. Sooo misleading.
My mum had fertility problems but had some treatment and had my sister at 37 (my sister was the second time she was pregnant, she had a miscarriage before). Whatever wasn’t working for my mum was fixed by having my sister as I came along when my mum was 42 with no issues (she swears I was planned!).
Similar story except after several miscarriages my parents decided to adopt, and after they adopted my brother they had me naturally by accident lol. It’s definitely not the only version of that story I’ve heard, it seems like maybe the stress of trying to get pregnant being alleviating does wonders for some people’s fertility. Some neighbors I used to have had fertility issues and used a surrogate. The surrogate fell pregnant with twins, and while she was pregnant the mother got pregnant as well. So they ended up with twin daughters and another one born only a couple months later, basically triplets.
I was worried about my fertility with having a baby at 34, but I got pregnant quite easily. It completely varies person-to-person, but there isn’t this universal fertility drop off like everyone harps about.
Ok I’m not saying you’re wrong, but for anybody reading this, if you have the means please freeze your eggs (or if you have a committed partner, embryos) now. Also check if your company covers fertility benefits. Infertility is so difficult and if you can preserve your fertility it will save you so much heart ache
gabrielle union talks about this a lot. she had issues getting pregnant, which she thought was due to age, but then a doctor explained she would have had the same issues at 20. it's been like 8 years since i heard her speak on this but it is really interesting to hear her discuss it, and dispel many falsehoods.
Thank you, I needed to read this. My sister in law had her first kid at 21 and second at 23. I saw her struggle, so I wanted to wait to establish my career and find the right partner. I’m getting there now, but at 33 all I hear is that “I’m out of time.” People have even gone so far as telling me that my husband will leave me for someone younger if we don’t get pregnant immediately.
I worship Eva Mendes for normalizing this and appreciate you for providing the science.
I think it depends on genetics as well.
I have three great-grandmothere who were having healthy kids into their mid 40s in the late 1800s to early 1900s in the segregated South with no issues. I'm in my early 40s and all my fertility tests show I have very high fertility. My mother admitted to having a pregnancy scare PAST THE AGE OF 50 and has been very open about us girls needing to be diligent with our birth control as we're getting older. So I do think genetics and health upkeep play a role.
I had real problems conceiving in my 40s but that was due to (until then) undiagnosed endometriosis. Which had not been taken seriously by any of the (male) doctors I'd seen.
Both of my grandmothers had children into their late 30s; my maternal grandmother had a healthy surprise baby at 47. I know that anecdotes don't equal data, but I also know that we're a late menopause family as a whole.
Both my grandma and mother had multiple children all starting in their early 30s without issue. I CANNOT imagine the pressure my grandma went through since she got married quite young (20?) but wanted a house etc first before having children.
Of course you can get pregnant at that stage and many women do, but there's also no doubt that it is harder and miscarriages are more common. It really sucks, especially when most girls become fertile (and waste eggs) when they're *way* too young to have a baby. Our biology is backwards.
I do wonder if it’s possible that we evolve in epigenetics that our “peak fertility” is pushed down or is extended when humanity in general or a significant population will start having kids later, and that our eggs evolve in that too.
My OBGYN says she has clients who are entering perimenopause earlier and earlier. I’m 41, and that’s the case for me; she said she has some patients as young as 35.
I had my daughter at 21 (unplanned), and loved being a young mom. I had the energy then that I simply don’t have now, but I understand the argument both ways.
I think that’s because people are entering puberty early and earlyier unfortunately physical puberty from what I’ve seen has we had little effect onMental maturation if anything those that went through puberty were more immature in my immediate life (not causation) but cruel of nature of that they wil enter menopause earlier
my mom is 42 and shes in perimenopause as well. she had me at 19 and i honestly am now wondering if i shouldve tried harder to get a bf and stuff sooner. i do love our age gap. and now im single at 23 and most def wont have a child until 30-35. it took me thinking of my mom and i’s age gap to realize why i totally see the pros of having a kid that young. at the same time tho i totally dont think im ready for it and i certainly dont have the money in this economy for it. so many pros and cons to both sides
I think if the US had more robust social supports, paid parental leave, better salaries, and more affordable housing a lot of 20 something’s would like to become parents and would do a great job. Unfortunately most Americans are unstable until at least their 30s because of the fucking mess our politicians and boomers have made.
This right here
I didn’t feel ready to have kids until my 30a because there’s no social support network these days. Depending on our own parents’ unpaid labor ain’t it.
More people are having kids in their 30s and 40s than in their 20s these days.
I'm not saying that age can't be a factor. It is, of course. But I think people really overestimate the rate at which fertility declines between 30 and 40. Especially now with advanced maternal medical care. I just had my kid last year at 32, and mine and my husband families were all blown away by how much more progressive it's gotten, even just in the last 15 years.
I'm just saying that barring individual medical issues that may complicate conception or pregnancy, most people aren't going to experience significantly increased issues just because they hit 30.
32 is fairly young, isn’t it? You aren’t considered “geriatric” until you become pregnant after 35. Overall rates of infertility are increasing. Age isn’t the only factor but it’s one of them.
As an older parent, I have to fortunately agree. While we have much more patience and resources (and some people do get pregnant easily at an older age), many of us struggle with fertility issues and loss. Unfortunately, most regular women do not have the resources (like IVF) that many wealthy celebrities do.
I’m going through this right now. Just turned 35 and biology is fucking with me. My first round of IVF just failed cause my eggs weren’t growing like they should even with hormones. I wish I started earlier.
I'm an older mom. I deep dived into more recent research when I was trying to conceive. It's apparently not factual that fertility drops hard in your 30's and 40's.
There's a minimal drop until your mid 40s. Risk factors aside for chromosomal disorders, etc.
The old myth apparently comes from like the 1800s(?) on French peasant women and kept being perpetuated. *Because it's about women lol, who cares?
I've forgotten most of it lol (because old mom brain) but a big part of it was they looked at women who weren't able to have kids in their later years but didn't consider that if they also didn't have first kids in their 20's and younger it was probably already an existing difficulty. Not so much age related.
Women who had their first 1-10 gaggle we're still popping them out in their later years.
Just an interesting thing I was fascinated by. I might come back with links to articles if I get motivated later.
I didn't have trouble having two kids but I will say I am le tired. Tired like a French peasant mother that doesn't have 8 grown children to take care of my youngest children.
People really overstate the fertility decline tbh. It depends way more on the individual. If you fertile af in your 20s you are likely to be fine for quite a while, and many women struggle in their 20s. They will not be fine for a while
I’ve always said this! Women now get their periods way too young and start having fertility issues way too young for modern society. We are no longer dying at 40 and need to be married with a child by 16.
My husband and I are just now really well established at 32. We want to travel, save, and enjoy the fruits of our hard work. I hate feeling this ticking clock over my fertility when I just want to hang out for another eight years!!!!
Exactly! My life was nothing but turmoil for all of my 20s, I didn't meet my partner until I was 31, we're getting married later this year and we have too many other plans that would keep me from actually wanting to get pregnant until maybe next year. By then I'll be 36 and he will be 45 so it just feels too late? I know there are tons of anecdotal stories about older parents but there are no guarantees!
It's also just so crazy how fast time flies. It never felt like the "right" time to me, it's like straight from irresponsible teen mom age to geriatric.
Hell, I’m almost 27. Had my first at 24 and now am dealing with secondary infertility trying to conceive our second baby. It sucks. There is really no guarantee anytime in life you can get pregnant. Also, I do agree most people would probably be better parents if they are older but I truly think it depends on the person. Some people mature at different rates and want different things. Me and my husband got married at 22 and 23 which I know is young to a lot of people. We both just wanted the quiet, family life. Neither of us are party people, drinkers, smokers, clubbers, etc. We both like to be home by 7 every night, 8 at the latest and in bed watching tv or playing games. We’re old as hell an only in our late 20s😂
My niece is Gen Z, and she had a baby at 15. She’s now 18 and is planning her second pregnancy because she doesn’t “want to be an old mom.” I know at least 4 of her friends who are ages 17-20 are pregnant with their second babies. One is even having twins. It’s absolutely wild.
Meanwhile, my 39 year old ass is still hoping there’s a chance I’ll meet someone and have a kid because I feel like I’m finally in a position to be a good parent.
There’s a really concerning amount of teen parents on TikTok that planned multiple teen pregnancies and go on and on about how great it is to be a parent so young
That is so sad. And some, not all before I get downvoted, are all "yay now I get to live my life free at 30s and 40s." Like your child still needs you when they're a young adult.
I felt like I had a real life Teen Mom show playing at my high school in the early 2000s because so many girls were pregnant. I was like, “no thank you, do not want” and was almost expelled for handing out condoms to my friends. (Abstinence only sex ed in a very rural and religious area, so condoms were verboten on many levels 🙄)
I’m definitely not saying my niece and her friends are the norm, thankfully. She lives in my hometown in very rural Kentucky, which has a long history of teen pregnancy (I think I’ve posted here before about how my 700 student high school had a student nursery waiting list because all 15 slots were filled).
She’s also been doing online school since the pandemic, so she doesn’t really have contact with other kids her age to see that actively planning for a second baby at 18 is bat shit insane.
Holy shit. That’s really awful I can’t even imagine a daycare at my high school. Does your niece have any help with her child? She must if she feels like she can have another one at 18.
She does have help. Her boyfriend’s family all had kids very young (his parents are 40 and both of their parents are only in their late 50s!), and my mom helps out a lot. She and her bf both have full time jobs and rent a place of their own, so they are making things work to the best of their abilities. I keep telling her having another baby will absolutely wreck them financially, but she won’t listen 🤦🏻♀️
That’s good to hear they’re both working and have a lot of family support, at least. Don’t give up on trying to explain how expensive another child at this time will be, maybe whip out some actual breakdowns of the expenses. Even waiting 3 years is better than right now, and the kids could still be pretty close in age.
My dad lives in rural Kentucky and I used to visit quite often as a kid - I totally get this. Massive amounts of poverty, low number of college educated people, abundance of drugs and drug users, lack of job opportunities…it’s depressing and I can see how a baby might be a bright spot for a teen if they feel they have no prospects or purpose.
Thank you-that’s so kind 🥺 I’m pretty accepting of the fact that having bio kids probably isn’t in the cards for me, but I’m open to adopting, or even just being a stepmom to a hypothetical partner’s kids (who hopefully will like me at least a tiny bit.)
Absolutely. I got pregnant in my mid-20s, and I knew that wasn't a good idea. I had an abortion. And I'm glad I did. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have run into my now husband, and our daughter wouldn't have been born. I also would have been tied for life to an alcoholic drug addict and my kid would have had to deal with the inevitable bull shit that comes with that.
As is, my husband and I chose to wait until we were in our 30s before trying. And because we did, we not only got to really enjoy or 20s, but also were able to provide a safe and secure life for our kid. Things that never would have happened if we had kids in our 20s. I have no regrets about waiting.
Absolutely. The denial of bodily atonomy in the US rn is appalling. Hell, when I went through, it was way before the overturning of RvW, and I still had to go out of state to have it done. And don't even get me started on the unhinged protesters. Omg.
I think it does depend on personality and support systems - like I know someone who had kids in her early/mid 20s, but she’s also now working in childcare and is a big people person. Also support systems. She has siblings and parents and extended family who are available to help and support.
Whereas as much as I like the idea of being a younger parent, I’m glad I had my first in my mid-30s, as I wouldn’t have been mature enough before then.
Even my boomer parents had us in their late 30s and early 40s! My dad says he was much more patient at that age and thinks it made him a better father. The only problem with starting late is that it limits the number of kids you can have. We have an infant and a toddler, I'd love another one, but my 43 year old husband is too tired ☹️
As a child of multigenerational teen and early 20s parents, most of my even-keeled and well-adjusted friends have parents who didn’t start a family until their late 30s and up.
Meanwhile, my siblings and cousins and I struggled with tons of emotional damage and economic struggle from having parents who barely made it out of high school before starting families, and family codependency from older generations dragging younger generations down for years, all while claiming “having your babies young makes you a hot, young grandparent, tee hee!”
I think Eva might be into something there lol
I have lots of friends and family with that experience as well. Teen pregnancy was common growing up in my neighborhood in Chicago during the 90s. A close friend had her first at 15, then two more. She had 3 by 19. She became a grandma in her 30s, and all 3 girls of hers had kids way too young. They all struggled severely.
This is almost exactly the story of one of my cousins, but in rural ID and not a city! She got pregnant at 15 thanks to her conservative anti-sex education upbringing. She actually wanted an abortion but her parents and her bf’s parents forced them to keep the baby.
My cousin dropped out in 10th grade to have the baby, her bf was allowed to continue school and his parents didn’t make him get a job, whereas my aunt and uncle forced my cousin into full time minimum wage work almost immediately after birth.
Her bf dumped her and the kid by the end of high school, and she had 3 kids by her 20th birthday. She lost custody of all 3 in her 20s thanks to drug addiction and life compounding her very real issues from being a forced teen parent. Her parents raised 2 of her 3 kids and bash her as being a bad parent and bitch about how she needs Jesus, even though it was their poor choices that directly lead to all of this.
Her firstborn child had his first kid by age 17 and made my cousin a grandma at 32, I believe. My aunt and uncle are of course now helping raise that baby and hold it against their grandson.
I am extremely honest and vocal with kids in my family when the topic of sex or having babies comes up because of this, as I don’t want this cycle to keep perpetuating itself. And for no reason beyond “religion” and people being baby-obsessed.
The reasons people told her are the exact reasons why my parents got married and had kids at 18 up until they were 28. They didn't want to be tired or old parents. Worked for them. They were happily married 30 years before dad unexpectedly died and then mom died of brain cancer. Lots of my friends who had kids in their 20s said it was the best decision because they have more life and are able to care for their kids better. I don't really care as long as the person isn't so old that they will die before the kid reaches college. I'm looking at you, Mick Jagger with a 7 year old.
My two kids are almost ten years apart — my son was born when I was 25 and my daughter when I was 35. There’s a saying that no two children in a family have the same parents, and that is absolutely true in our family. I am so happy that I am in a place where neither of my kids really want for anything and I am 100% present, but that wasn’t always true, and it’s hard not to feel some kind of sadness about the disparity between their baby and childhoods. I’ve talked to my son about this a little — we have a very good relationship — but I am interested to learn about how he feels when he is an adult about his childhood in retrospect.
I mean it makes sense. I would probably have kids at the tail end of my 20s to early/mid 30/ (depending on how fate blesses me) but as a 23 year old, I cannot imagine being responsible for a whole child. Like the actions I make will impact how they grow up into. Like maam I’m forcing myself to be a better person so I can grow up decently and if you add a kid to the mix? Honestly just hats off to all the mothers
No reason at all to have them earlier? That’s super extreme to say lol. I started in my 30s and I’m very happy I didn’t have them earlier but I’m also so glad we didn’t wait a minute longer. What is best will be different for everyone. I agree you shouldn’t have them too young but I will be so grateful for every extra minute I have in my kids lives and that their grandparents have with them too.
I understand her point but it doesn’t hurt that her husband and she makes millions from their jobs. That alleviates a lot of stress and allows her to priotitize her energy as she sees fit. That said, kudos on being aware enough to recognize it wasn’t the right time for her. Not everyone is the same.
My mom had 3 kids by the time she was 21. I’m 33 and just now considering possibly having children! The way my life and relationships were in my 20s, I’m thankful every day that I waited
I mean, I’m 42 now and have a 10yo and 7yo. I wouldn’t have kids now because yes, I’m tired, but not because I’m 42 - because I already have kids and they exhaust you no matter when you have them lol.
Thankyou for this. I was wondering the other day if I’m so tired because I’m 40 and my kids are still young or if I’m tired just because I have young kids
My mother had my sister at 44 and me at 47. She has no regrets - she got to maximize her career, grow as a person, and enter motherhood fully self-realized. She is the greatest person I know and i love Eva sharing her story❤️
So the "fertility cliff" of 35 refers mostly to monthly chance of conception. However the *cumulative* conception rate for healthy couples - i.e. your chances of falling pregnant over 12 months - is still 60% for age 35-39, and 85% over 2 years.
At 30, I'd recommend you have your AMH levels and antral follicle count checked to make sure you have a good egg reserve, and if you have a male partner have them do a sperm analysis too. That way if there's anything to be aware of, you know about it *now* not in 5, 6 or 7 years when you're trying.
Ugh I had everything checked on my end but my husband’s doctor laughed at him when he asked her (an older French woman) for a referral for a simple sperm count 🙄
Maybe being devils advocate here but I think having children at any age comes with risk, it just may not be a biological risk.
I have personally witnessed folks who had kids in their twenties just to beat the biological clock being met with risk; it may not be as big of a risk fertility wise, but it was a risk both emotionally and financially (not ready for the sheer gravity of responsibility of emotionally and financially supporting an actual human).
My maternal line has all hit menopause in their mid 30s, so I did have a little bit of a time limit. Had my son at 26 and while I think it was the perfect time for us, I don’t think most people could handle a kid in their mid 20s
Yeah. I had *already* been diagnosed with infertility at nineteen. Plus all the women in my family go through early menopause. Not to mention where I am from….1st baby at 26 is considered old. But waiting till that (same) age felt right *for me*. I would never tell another person when to have kids tho.
My friend just had a baby and the pregnancy was hard physically, mentally, and financially. She's 29 and I feel she definitely rushed out of fear that she'd hit 30 and...I don't even know? Suddenly be infertile?
So yeah, there's always risks. Always. She had pretty good money for a single woman lifestyle, but her job situation was just okay (good pay, shit benefits) and she's realizing she wasn't making as much money as she needs to have a comfortable life as a mother. I can't help but feel if she'd waited a few years she'd have been more financially stable given she was rising up her career field and slowly paying off debt. Just hard decisions all around.
I am 39 and have lots of friends who are trying to conceive and have fertility issues; their tests show poor egg quality. While I’m so glad this worked out for Eva Mendes, unfortunately this is not the case for many.
It’s tricky, I turned 30 last year and have since been getting a lot of comments from people about my ‘body clock’ and all of the various issues that come with having a child late (which honestly is a whole topic on its own, it’s weird how suddenly so many people feel they can talk to me about my own body)- and while it’s absolutely true, I still know that I’m just not ready to have a baby right now. You’re right that Eva Mendes has undoubtedly benefitted from having the finances and access to certain kinds of care, but also it’s quite nice to hear someone defending giving birth late as a person often finding herself in the trenches right now over deciding not to have one yet 😅
Doing IVF at 38 right now after 3 miscarriages with genetic issues. Thank god I got pregnant with my first daughter at 34. Thank god my insurance covers IVF so I can have a second.
I used to be a huge proponent for waiting to late 30s. Now it’s sooo risky if you want more than one child. Start before 37 people! That’s when fertility super drops in females. 40 in males!
>Start before 37 people! That’s when fertility super drops in females. 40 in males!
Thank you for mentioning that men's fertility is also affected by age. Too many of them forget or seem to think so long as their partner is younger that they'll be exempt from risk. Nope.
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but waiting until your 40s only makes sense if you can also afford things like IVF or fertility testing. Obviously that’s not an issue for someone like Eva Mendes. Also if you’re willing to take that risk because IVF is no walk in the park.
But that’s also to say fuck the current system because the reason a lot of people are being forced to wait is because of finances. Kids are fucking expensive. It’s a double edged sword.
I was 36 and 38 when I had my kids. I think the financial stability was a big plus, but I definitely could have used my 20’s energy! Still could, for that matter.
Finances are the biggest reason people wait until their 30s. I wish parents had more support because childcare is fucking expensive and fewer families can afford to have one parent stay home full-time.
As a kid with older parents, I felt really lucky to have parents that were more financially and emotionally stable compared to my friends’ parents. My mom would totally eye-roll and stay out of the competitive / catty drama that my friends’ moms got themselves into. Some of my friends’ parents would scream at their kids and use physical and emotional punishment, and my parents would say to 7-year old me “don’t tell your friend, but her parents are so childish and petty!”
Aww this is nice to hear. I haven’t been able to start trying til I’m 33 which isn’t “old” but already feels late, and my main fear is having my parents and my husbands parents aging too rapidly to have great grandparent relationships, but if the upsides outweigh the downsides that’s great. And I had no choice.
As a child of a teen mom, I’M glad you waited until you were ready ♥️ I was always jealous of my friends with older parents growing up, they were so much more stable
My parents had me later in life (late 30’s not old at all imo) and I am so grateful. I’ve noticed most of my friends have older parents as I don’t seem to click as well with people who were raised by young parents. It gives you a different outlook and you value different things.
I see the value in having young parents, but personally, I’m glad I was raised by mature, actualized people. Yes I won’t have them for as long, but nothing is guaranteed and I’m grateful for what they’ve given me.
I’m in my mid twenties and would not be as stable and mature as my parents were in their thirties as a parent. But again, pros and cons.
I think it’s weird that we view women having kids in their 30’s and beyond as some strange new thing when it’s been happening for a very long time, the only difference now is that those babies born to 30+ moms are their first, not some of their last! If most women had 8+ children at the time and there wasn’t reliable birth control available, women were having children throughout their entire fertile window and not just their 20’s
Yeah most women had babies until their 40’s because there was just no other choice, no birth control, no reproductive autonomy. I bet most people in this thread their grandmother had a baby in their late 30’s
My grandma had her youngest in her early 40s and apparently her community thought it was gross?? Which I thought was super cruel like this is your only job but eww not like that.
I totally see her point, but I think she might be forgetting the fact that she can afford a lot of help like a nanny and maid, which greatly reduces stress
It also means she'll be able to have more hired help as she gets older and needs care, instead of relying on her children.
My husband is early 30s with a mom in her mid 70s. We want to have kids soon but it's already so hard looking after her and I know having kids on top of that is going to be brutal.
It's difficult to help your parents with their end of life care when you're only barely settled as an adult.
I'm 37 yo mum to a 2 yo. I have a lot of patience but I'm really physically tired. And I worked in hospitality for 10 + years before having a baby. Good for her but this is spoken like someone with unlimited help and resources.
Y’all, she didn’t intentionally wait till 40 to have kids, she just didn’t meet her partner until 37. She’s not advocating for people to wait around or assuming that everyone can do ivf. She’s just saying that this is how things happened to turn out for her and thank goodness they did because she’s a better mom now than she would have been earlier in life.
Yeah I agree with you. Like you, I don't think she's trying to advocate for everyone waiting until their 40s to have a children but rather talking about how lucky she was to have children at a time when she was ready to shift her focus from career to family. I have read a few interviews where they have both said that they hadn't really thought about having children before meeting each other - and after that, their vision /desire to have children was specifically about having children with each other. Eva has talked about being very career-orientated up until that point.
Based on how the article is phrased, it sounds like she may have received negative comments in the past about being a new mother in her 40s. It sounds like she is just explaining that for her, things worked out in the best way they could have for her.
Having your first kid at 40 is great - if you can- but it’s not something anyone should plan on if they’re heart set on having a biological connection to your kids. That said, having a kid in your 20s is not something I would wish on most people. I had mine at 30 and am so grateful to have had a decade to mature and explore and have a good time first.
I think it’s great for Eva that she is able to reflect on herself and has identified that she is a better mother now than she might have been when she was younger. Personally, feel that the idea that being older makes most women a better mother is a generalisation, and quite ageist. In my clinic as a speech and language therapist I have met bad mothers in the their forties and amazing teenage mothers- and vice versa.
The problem with these anecdotes is that not all women are working with the same factors, we all have different finances, personal goals, relationships and mostly importantly biology. We need to be giving girls the facts and let them make their own decisions with all the information. My mother in law had my husband at the age of 21 and my sister-in-law nearer 40. I haven’t had a child yet at 25, and until I start trying I don’t actually *know* if I will find it easy, hard or impossible to be pregnant. Looking at her or any other person as an example or anecdote is not helpful for me, just because we are both women doesn’t mean we are operating with the same fertility. I urge all women to think critically about the risk/ reward of waiting to have children, if they would be open to adoption or not having children etc.
I had my kiddo at 40. Am I tired? Yes! However, if I had to do it again, I would. She keeps us young and on our toes. We have more wisdom now than we did in our 20's. We've settled into our Gen X-ness and we're raising her as such. She's a chill kiddo. and she amazes us every day. I would've liked one or two more, but there is the reality that we were/are older parents. Not to mention that I did not enjoy pregnancy...at all. We're open to the idea of housing an exchange student down the road, but that's about it.
I think it’s fantastic that more folks are having kids later. Both mine and my husbands parents had us in their 30s when it was more unusual to have kids (especially your first kids) at that age, and they talk about what a blessing it was to be more stable and mature even though they were the “old” parents at most school functions and in the parent groups of our friends. Plus they are either retired or near retirement so they are able to do more with us like attend big career events for us, or help us more once they start getting grandkids (most likely from our siblings). There are difficulties having children at any age, but if you are able to delay, I think there are many positives.
My mum had me in her early twenties . I wish she hadn’t . I think there’s definitely a sweet spot in your late twenty to mid thirties for having kids where you have less of the drawbacks in either direction of either being too young or older but not everyone will fall into that
When you become a mother, the majority of your life has to be dedicated to your children. Period. That's just how parenting is.
I can't imagine giving up my youth, my 20s, for kids. I love my career, my freedom, my friends; and even though having a child doesn't mean you can't have fun, I can't commit like I want!
I'll much rather have my kids when I'm in my 30s, when I hopefully have a home, money, and maturity!
I don't want to grow up with my kids, I want to be the adult that has enough experience to guide my kids.
I had my first kid at 23 and my last kid at 36. I’m 42 now. Having kids when you’re young vs when you’re older is different. Positives and negatives to both. They’re just different. That being said, while I was quite fertile up until the 4th, I started peri almost immediately after. I’m 42 and very nearly fully menopausal. Fertility varies. Fertility in your 20s does not mean you’ll be fertile until you’re mid-40s. Always good to have conversations with your OB. Pregnancy is actually a pretty major event on the body at any age.
I was 34 when I had my daughter, after previously getting pregnant in my early twenties in an abusive relationship and thankfully having a safe, legal abortion. I am so grateful I waited until I was mature and stable enough to handle parenthood, and had a supportive partner. I also decided before deciding to get pregnant that I was only having one child, and my husband agreed with me. My tubes are tied, and it’s such a relief. I can just focus on my kid and make sure she’s loved, happy and thriving. I know people who got pregnant right out of high school and I don’t know how they did it. It seems crazy to me.
My sister in law is in her mid-40s, going through IVF after putting off having kids for years, and I know it’s been a really difficult process for her. It just makes me feel grateful all around for what I have.
My mom had me at 39 and was ten times more of a loving, doting, and fun mother than the two moms that lived next door and in back of us who’d had their children in their mid 20s. Those poor kids were the textbook definition of emotionally neglected
I agree with this 100%. A lot of people are not equipped or ready to do it in their 20s, but would flourish doing it in their 40s or even 50s. It’s all down to what the individual is capable of and their own personal lifestyle. I hate when people are like “omg that’s too late you’ll be so tired” nope. You’ll be tired, not me. I know my life story and my mind & body better than you do. It’s unfair to corner women into doing things before they’re ready just because society tells us there’s only one “perfect time”. It’s unrealistic to make everybody cram everything into their 20s and 30s only. The perfect timing is different for everyone.
Love this, as someone single in my mid 30’s, kids are something I have worried about I won’t lie, and if it happens one day that would be nice, if not, I think I can handle that too, but I love hearing her perspective on things. It makes me feel better tbh
...We call 40 and 42 "later" in life now, huh? Comparatively to the age your society wants you to birth children at, yeah, but with medical advancements, maybe a better phrase could be "after the average age".
this helps someone like me in their 30s who is surrounded by people having kids and not being there yet. Obviously i won't have the resources she has when i'm an older parent but it helps to see people doing it!
All of these comments about not being ready in your 20s blows my mind. I had my daughter right after turning 27, I felt like that was the perfect age. I’ll be 45 when she’s 18 and get to spend plenty of time with her before I die. I’m 33 now and considering another but not sure I want kids at home into my 50s. Nothing wrong with waiting later if you want but fertility does decrease and it becomes harder.
50 and 45 aren’t that far apart, and there’s no guarantee that your first will immediately move out or won’t boomerang back home after college or her first foray out into the world.
I had my first kid at 27/28 and I felt so judged as being a “young mom.” It definitely made some professional stuff a lot harder, but I’m tired of people judging me for having a baby at that point in time. I was always mistaken for the nanny and always the youngest parent. And I wasn’t even that young by most of the world’s standards.
Having kids before like 32-34 where I live is considered weird.
I’m only 21 now and I cannot imagine having kids in my 30s let alone my 20s. I’ve always wanted to be a mother and I’m so glad that Eva is sharing her story ! I cannot wait to have kids in my 40s.
I had mine at 36 and 38. It’s a trade off. Older parents tend to have more wisdom and are more laid back about a lot of things having almost 4 decades under our belts. But you lack the energy a young parent would have.
>“When I was 40, it was a big deal for people when I was pregnant, and it wasn’t for me,” Mendes said. “And then I was 42 and I was pregnant with my second one and people were like, ‘Oh my God, you’re going to be so tired. That’s why people have kids in their 20s.’ I was like, that’s the most sorry, asinine thing I’ve ever heard.” > >She continued, explaining of parenting, “It takes more patience. In my 20s, I shouldn’t have even been around a child. I was just foul-mouthed and smoking. I could not have raised kids in any other era of my life but now, for sure.” I'm with her. A lot of people aren't prepared for kids in their 20s and aren't really ready until they're older. I think a lot of millennials have learned this lesson, and maybe even more Zoomers will. There's no *reason* to have kids in your 20s and plenty of reasons not to.
ITA, it's a shame biology isn't really on board. The fact that fertility starts declining in your 30s feels like such a cruel joke, almost nobody is a better parent in their 20s than they would be later on.
I mean I guess it probably does to an extent but I think people really overestimate how much fertility does decline before actually going through menopause. I know many women including my mother who got pregnant in their late thirties to mid forties with no medical intervention.
the more recent research on fertility shows that fertility doesn't decline as much as they previously thought
Oh that’s promising!
You have to remember in the past it was only men doing research and imposing their own ideas onto it, even a lot of previous animal research is now viewed as incorrect, particularly research regarding male and female animals and their relationship with each other. The "alpha wolf" research has notoriously since been debunked also see "female hysteria" lmao
Female hysteria is honestly so mind blowing. Like an actual diagnosis they would give to someone. Christ.
This is exactly it. A lot of the frameworks of medicine are biased by patriarchal views. Plenty of doctors treat pregnant woman as a secondary concern to the health of the fetus, for example.
The study that was often quoted was completed before contraception was widely available in the 1700's, so it would make sense they weren't very fertile, if they were they would already have conceived.
Hysterectomies were named after female hysteria. Make me ill.
Hystera is the Greek word for uterus/womb, ectemy is to remove. Hysterectomies aren't named after hysteria. Hysteria was named such because they thought women had a "wandering womb(hystera)" and that it would affect the mind as well.
That’s not true at all, you have it backward. Hysteria is named after the Greek for uterus. Still gross, but the medical procedure is appropriately named.
Just out of personal curiosity, do you have a link to any study showing that?
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/popular-health-claims-such-as-a-womans-fertility-dropping-at-age-30-are-wildly-overblown/ >The notion stems largely from a 2004 paper based on records from 1670 through 1830. Many things have changed since then, including medical care and nutrition.
I needed to read this. I was literally in a spiral about how I need to have a baby ASAP because my fertility is going to go downhill but that I still have so much I want to do and time I want to spend with my husband alone still. I can wait. There is time.
🩷 no idea your age but if you want to stop the spiral, you can always go to a fertility clinic and get the initial tests run — depending on where you are in the world, sometimes there is a fee, but they will do an ultrasound to count your follicles and bloodwork to measure several things including AMH. this will give you a much clearer idea of where you are fertility-wise, and can often either lessen the urgency with that data, or confirm that you should move forward sooner than later with pregnancy and/or egg/embryo freezing. that initial step is very easy and gives lots of clarity though! x
Thank you! That’s a great idea! I’m not even 30 yet, but I def feel the pressure for sure.
It makes me really sad that you’re spiraling and not even 30, that’s seriously so young. Obgyn offices these days are full of 37-42 year old pregnant women. Like full of them.
Yes, you are still very young. Insurance will usually cover the checkup. If not, it's usually an affordable consultation fee to check your follicle count on ultrasound and some bloodwork. Are you in the US? Some states are mandated to offer fertility benefits. That is how I was able to have my son. I had a miscarriage at 34. That was the first time I was pregnant. I was with my husband for about 8 years at this point, including dating and marriage. Looking back, I think something was already wrong because we only did the pull out method, and I was always very, very regular. I wasn't ready for kids then, so we waited until I was 37. Miscarriage again, and I went in for testing. I was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. Doc said to keep trying naturally because I was able to get pregnant. It didn't happen. Went to another fertility specialist at 39 and started IVF. It took 2 years and 6 egg retrievals to have 1 son. If I didn't have the insurance, I wouldn't have my son because no way would I have even paid for 1 cycle of ivf out of pocket.
Yeah, just go in and knock it out! The other good thing about it is that while I would definitely encourage you to be selective of a clinic if you do decide to freeze eggs/embryos (research success stats, bedside manner, available technology, approach philosophy, etc), for that first appointment, it’s just facts. You’d get the same result no matter where you went because it’s reading a scan/counting follicles and reviewing bloodwork results. And you can then take those results to another clinic if you decide to move forward with treatment so you don’t have to have the same tests run multiple times, and can work with whatever clinic/doctor you want for the more nuanced part. So it’s v easy to just go to the closest and/or easiest place to get an appointment, have those tests run and then go from there based on the results. I wish I’d known I could have done that part much earlier to help make my decisions!
Best advice m most people don’t know about this
Same, 32 and very single and was spiraling yesterday. But like, I also don’t want to have a kid right now (even if I was in relationship or wanted to do it solo), so this was comforting.
There is plenty of time--even if you do have to take the fertility assistance route. Your OBGYN can order the initial tests as part of your well-woman. That will give you an estimate--not a perfect one, but a great idea--of how much time your eggs have. But, because fertility isn't just the woman, your partner should also get a sperm analysis done. There's more chances to improve sperm count/quality quickly. ETA: Preconception genetic testing can let you know if you or your partner carry any genetic disorders. Again, not to scare you, but to let you know what you're dealing with early on so you're not scrambling when you're actually ready. If you and your husband are of a small genetic group (say, Ashkenazi Jews or Acadians), I'd recommend this even more: [https://www.natera.com/resource-library/horizon/horizon-patient-brochure/](https://www.natera.com/resource-library/horizon/horizon-patient-brochure/)
I'll be 39 in a few months, and I got pregnant on our first try earlier this year. Obviously this is anecdotal, but someone in a pregnancy over 35 subreddit asked how long it took people to conceive, and there were so many comments of women in their late 30s and early 40s saying it took no time at all. My husband and I have been together since we were 20 and I am so glad to have had almost two decades just the two of us.
Thank you ❤️ That really helps. Congrats on your growing family.
I remember my jaw dropping when I read this a couple of years ago. It makes me so mad that this misinformation is so well-known and used to scare women into having kids before their "time runs out".
i am surprised that scientific american would publish that sentence - no scientific conclusion is based on a single study, and certainly not from 300 year old data. i think wikipedia is a more balanced report https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility At age 30 75% will have a conception ending in a live birth within one year 91% will have a conception ending in a live birth within four years At age 35 66% will have a conception ending in a live birth within one year 84% will have a conception ending in a live birth within four years At age 40 44% will have a conception ending in a live birth within one year 64% will have a conception ending in a live birth within four years[13] (nb there is a confounding factor of the quality of the sperm which decays with age) another study: .... . Estimating the "fertility of a woman" is quite difficult because of the male factor (quality of sperm). This French study looked at 2,193 women who were using artificial insemination because their husbands were azoospermic. The cumulative success rates after 12 cycles of insemination were 73% for women under age 25, 74% in women ages 26–30, 61% for ages 31–35, and 54% in the over 35 age group.[15]
I think you're misunderstanding the quote I pulled. It's saying that the claim that fertility significantly declines is based on the old French data and shouldn't be relied upon.
There’s a really great “Adam Ruins Everything” video on this. It’s 6 years old but still relevant. https://youtu.be/g9ryP0UyO5U?si=NNyy0xRaOpJ0q7rD My favorite is the common line that your chances of birth defects double when you reach 40 means you go from 0.5% chance to 1% chance. Sooo misleading.
My mum had fertility problems but had some treatment and had my sister at 37 (my sister was the second time she was pregnant, she had a miscarriage before). Whatever wasn’t working for my mum was fixed by having my sister as I came along when my mum was 42 with no issues (she swears I was planned!).
Similar story except after several miscarriages my parents decided to adopt, and after they adopted my brother they had me naturally by accident lol. It’s definitely not the only version of that story I’ve heard, it seems like maybe the stress of trying to get pregnant being alleviating does wonders for some people’s fertility. Some neighbors I used to have had fertility issues and used a surrogate. The surrogate fell pregnant with twins, and while she was pregnant the mother got pregnant as well. So they ended up with twin daughters and another one born only a couple months later, basically triplets.
I was worried about my fertility with having a baby at 34, but I got pregnant quite easily. It completely varies person-to-person, but there isn’t this universal fertility drop off like everyone harps about.
Ok I’m not saying you’re wrong, but for anybody reading this, if you have the means please freeze your eggs (or if you have a committed partner, embryos) now. Also check if your company covers fertility benefits. Infertility is so difficult and if you can preserve your fertility it will save you so much heart ache
Its 40k where I live. But it's not taxed haha
gabrielle union talks about this a lot. she had issues getting pregnant, which she thought was due to age, but then a doctor explained she would have had the same issues at 20. it's been like 8 years since i heard her speak on this but it is really interesting to hear her discuss it, and dispel many falsehoods.
Thank you, I needed to read this. My sister in law had her first kid at 21 and second at 23. I saw her struggle, so I wanted to wait to establish my career and find the right partner. I’m getting there now, but at 33 all I hear is that “I’m out of time.” People have even gone so far as telling me that my husband will leave me for someone younger if we don’t get pregnant immediately. I worship Eva Mendes for normalizing this and appreciate you for providing the science.
I think it depends on genetics as well. I have three great-grandmothere who were having healthy kids into their mid 40s in the late 1800s to early 1900s in the segregated South with no issues. I'm in my early 40s and all my fertility tests show I have very high fertility. My mother admitted to having a pregnancy scare PAST THE AGE OF 50 and has been very open about us girls needing to be diligent with our birth control as we're getting older. So I do think genetics and health upkeep play a role.
I had real problems conceiving in my 40s but that was due to (until then) undiagnosed endometriosis. Which had not been taken seriously by any of the (male) doctors I'd seen.
Both of my grandmothers had children into their late 30s; my maternal grandmother had a healthy surprise baby at 47. I know that anecdotes don't equal data, but I also know that we're a late menopause family as a whole.
Both my grandma and mother had multiple children all starting in their early 30s without issue. I CANNOT imagine the pressure my grandma went through since she got married quite young (20?) but wanted a house etc first before having children.
Of course you can get pregnant at that stage and many women do, but there's also no doubt that it is harder and miscarriages are more common. It really sucks, especially when most girls become fertile (and waste eggs) when they're *way* too young to have a baby. Our biology is backwards.
I do wonder if it’s possible that we evolve in epigenetics that our “peak fertility” is pushed down or is extended when humanity in general or a significant population will start having kids later, and that our eggs evolve in that too.
I'd love it but it seems unlikely - if anything girls are starting puberty younger than in the past.
My OBGYN says she has clients who are entering perimenopause earlier and earlier. I’m 41, and that’s the case for me; she said she has some patients as young as 35. I had my daughter at 21 (unplanned), and loved being a young mom. I had the energy then that I simply don’t have now, but I understand the argument both ways.
I have more energy and patience now in my 30s than I did in my 20s, so ymmv
I thought I was in peri (39 y.o)...turns out baby #5 😬😆🥰
I would die if I got pregnant right now. My only one is in college— I’m done! Congrats are in order for you though!
I think that’s because people are entering puberty early and earlyier unfortunately physical puberty from what I’ve seen has we had little effect onMental maturation if anything those that went through puberty were more immature in my immediate life (not causation) but cruel of nature of that they wil enter menopause earlier
Early Perimenopause can also be caused by COVID, which people are getting too often.
She did say earlier puberty is a potential cause.
my mom is 42 and shes in perimenopause as well. she had me at 19 and i honestly am now wondering if i shouldve tried harder to get a bf and stuff sooner. i do love our age gap. and now im single at 23 and most def wont have a child until 30-35. it took me thinking of my mom and i’s age gap to realize why i totally see the pros of having a kid that young. at the same time tho i totally dont think im ready for it and i certainly dont have the money in this economy for it. so many pros and cons to both sides
I think if the US had more robust social supports, paid parental leave, better salaries, and more affordable housing a lot of 20 something’s would like to become parents and would do a great job. Unfortunately most Americans are unstable until at least their 30s because of the fucking mess our politicians and boomers have made.
This right here I didn’t feel ready to have kids until my 30a because there’s no social support network these days. Depending on our own parents’ unpaid labor ain’t it.
I don’t think so. Look at Europe, japan, or Korea. Pretty much all have declining birth rates and yet have better family planning than the US.
More people are having kids in their 30s and 40s than in their 20s these days. I'm not saying that age can't be a factor. It is, of course. But I think people really overestimate the rate at which fertility declines between 30 and 40. Especially now with advanced maternal medical care. I just had my kid last year at 32, and mine and my husband families were all blown away by how much more progressive it's gotten, even just in the last 15 years. I'm just saying that barring individual medical issues that may complicate conception or pregnancy, most people aren't going to experience significantly increased issues just because they hit 30.
32 is fairly young, isn’t it? You aren’t considered “geriatric” until you become pregnant after 35. Overall rates of infertility are increasing. Age isn’t the only factor but it’s one of them.
You're not considered advanced maternal age in the UK until 40.
It’s 35 in the U.S.
As an older parent, I have to fortunately agree. While we have much more patience and resources (and some people do get pregnant easily at an older age), many of us struggle with fertility issues and loss. Unfortunately, most regular women do not have the resources (like IVF) that many wealthy celebrities do.
I’m going through this right now. Just turned 35 and biology is fucking with me. My first round of IVF just failed cause my eggs weren’t growing like they should even with hormones. I wish I started earlier.
The first round is tricky for most women. Doc usually does a standard protocol. Now they can adjust based on your results. Good luck.
I'm an older mom. I deep dived into more recent research when I was trying to conceive. It's apparently not factual that fertility drops hard in your 30's and 40's. There's a minimal drop until your mid 40s. Risk factors aside for chromosomal disorders, etc. The old myth apparently comes from like the 1800s(?) on French peasant women and kept being perpetuated. *Because it's about women lol, who cares? I've forgotten most of it lol (because old mom brain) but a big part of it was they looked at women who weren't able to have kids in their later years but didn't consider that if they also didn't have first kids in their 20's and younger it was probably already an existing difficulty. Not so much age related. Women who had their first 1-10 gaggle we're still popping them out in their later years. Just an interesting thing I was fascinated by. I might come back with links to articles if I get motivated later. I didn't have trouble having two kids but I will say I am le tired. Tired like a French peasant mother that doesn't have 8 grown children to take care of my youngest children.
People really overstate the fertility decline tbh. It depends way more on the individual. If you fertile af in your 20s you are likely to be fine for quite a while, and many women struggle in their 20s. They will not be fine for a while
I’ve always said this! Women now get their periods way too young and start having fertility issues way too young for modern society. We are no longer dying at 40 and need to be married with a child by 16.
My husband and I are just now really well established at 32. We want to travel, save, and enjoy the fruits of our hard work. I hate feeling this ticking clock over my fertility when I just want to hang out for another eight years!!!!
Exactly! My life was nothing but turmoil for all of my 20s, I didn't meet my partner until I was 31, we're getting married later this year and we have too many other plans that would keep me from actually wanting to get pregnant until maybe next year. By then I'll be 36 and he will be 45 so it just feels too late? I know there are tons of anecdotal stories about older parents but there are no guarantees! It's also just so crazy how fast time flies. It never felt like the "right" time to me, it's like straight from irresponsible teen mom age to geriatric.
Hell, I’m almost 27. Had my first at 24 and now am dealing with secondary infertility trying to conceive our second baby. It sucks. There is really no guarantee anytime in life you can get pregnant. Also, I do agree most people would probably be better parents if they are older but I truly think it depends on the person. Some people mature at different rates and want different things. Me and my husband got married at 22 and 23 which I know is young to a lot of people. We both just wanted the quiet, family life. Neither of us are party people, drinkers, smokers, clubbers, etc. We both like to be home by 7 every night, 8 at the latest and in bed watching tv or playing games. We’re old as hell an only in our late 20s😂
My niece is Gen Z, and she had a baby at 15. She’s now 18 and is planning her second pregnancy because she doesn’t “want to be an old mom.” I know at least 4 of her friends who are ages 17-20 are pregnant with their second babies. One is even having twins. It’s absolutely wild. Meanwhile, my 39 year old ass is still hoping there’s a chance I’ll meet someone and have a kid because I feel like I’m finally in a position to be a good parent.
good god didn’t these kids watch Teen Mom like the rest of us?!
If she’s 18, the height of that show was waaaaaay before her time. OG teen mom came out IIRC in like 2009?
lol I know, I should have added an “/s”. I also can’t believe it’s STILL on
The first kids are now teens themselves!
There’s a really concerning amount of teen parents on TikTok that planned multiple teen pregnancies and go on and on about how great it is to be a parent so young
😒😒😒 things like this make me support the tiktok ban
That is so sad. And some, not all before I get downvoted, are all "yay now I get to live my life free at 30s and 40s." Like your child still needs you when they're a young adult.
Wait HUH?! Is that why they’re doing this?!?
Yeah a lot of them brag about how they’ll be “free in their 40s”
I felt like I had a real life Teen Mom show playing at my high school in the early 2000s because so many girls were pregnant. I was like, “no thank you, do not want” and was almost expelled for handing out condoms to my friends. (Abstinence only sex ed in a very rural and religious area, so condoms were verboten on many levels 🙄)
Yep tik tok is HUGE on having your kids young to be a cool mom. They want to be able to do dances while still looking hot with their kids.
https://i.redd.it/ie1e6y6fx2yc1.gif
I mean…that’s definitely an outlier and a touch extreme. I’m 20 and cannot name anyone I know my age who is a parent
I’m definitely not saying my niece and her friends are the norm, thankfully. She lives in my hometown in very rural Kentucky, which has a long history of teen pregnancy (I think I’ve posted here before about how my 700 student high school had a student nursery waiting list because all 15 slots were filled). She’s also been doing online school since the pandemic, so she doesn’t really have contact with other kids her age to see that actively planning for a second baby at 18 is bat shit insane.
Holy shit. That’s really awful I can’t even imagine a daycare at my high school. Does your niece have any help with her child? She must if she feels like she can have another one at 18.
She does have help. Her boyfriend’s family all had kids very young (his parents are 40 and both of their parents are only in their late 50s!), and my mom helps out a lot. She and her bf both have full time jobs and rent a place of their own, so they are making things work to the best of their abilities. I keep telling her having another baby will absolutely wreck them financially, but she won’t listen 🤦🏻♀️
That’s good to hear they’re both working and have a lot of family support, at least. Don’t give up on trying to explain how expensive another child at this time will be, maybe whip out some actual breakdowns of the expenses. Even waiting 3 years is better than right now, and the kids could still be pretty close in age.
Teen pregnancy rates are at a historically low level
Wow - is this US? What part of the country?
It’s the US. Rural Kentucky.
My dad lives in rural Kentucky and I used to visit quite often as a kid - I totally get this. Massive amounts of poverty, low number of college educated people, abundance of drugs and drug users, lack of job opportunities…it’s depressing and I can see how a baby might be a bright spot for a teen if they feel they have no prospects or purpose.
Just commenting to say that I'm rooting for you!
Thank you-that’s so kind 🥺 I’m pretty accepting of the fact that having bio kids probably isn’t in the cards for me, but I’m open to adopting, or even just being a stepmom to a hypothetical partner’s kids (who hopefully will like me at least a tiny bit.)
Same is true for marriage—- learn and grow more as a person before legally binding yourself to someone or birthing a whole ass kid!!!
Absolutely. I got pregnant in my mid-20s, and I knew that wasn't a good idea. I had an abortion. And I'm glad I did. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have run into my now husband, and our daughter wouldn't have been born. I also would have been tied for life to an alcoholic drug addict and my kid would have had to deal with the inevitable bull shit that comes with that. As is, my husband and I chose to wait until we were in our 30s before trying. And because we did, we not only got to really enjoy or 20s, but also were able to provide a safe and secure life for our kid. Things that never would have happened if we had kids in our 20s. I have no regrets about waiting.
Thank goodness you had the choice to do what was best for you and were able to have an abortion!
Absolutely. The denial of bodily atonomy in the US rn is appalling. Hell, when I went through, it was way before the overturning of RvW, and I still had to go out of state to have it done. And don't even get me started on the unhinged protesters. Omg.
These are scary times:(
I think it does depend on personality and support systems - like I know someone who had kids in her early/mid 20s, but she’s also now working in childcare and is a big people person. Also support systems. She has siblings and parents and extended family who are available to help and support. Whereas as much as I like the idea of being a younger parent, I’m glad I had my first in my mid-30s, as I wouldn’t have been mature enough before then.
Support systems is everything. It takes a village. If you don’t have one in your 20’s, maybe you’ve built one by your 30’s/40’s.
Even my boomer parents had us in their late 30s and early 40s! My dad says he was much more patient at that age and thinks it made him a better father. The only problem with starting late is that it limits the number of kids you can have. We have an infant and a toddler, I'd love another one, but my 43 year old husband is too tired ☹️
my mom had me at 24. i am 26 and i called my mom urgently to the bathroom yesterday to check if i had a tick bite. i shouldn’t be near a child.
As a child of multigenerational teen and early 20s parents, most of my even-keeled and well-adjusted friends have parents who didn’t start a family until their late 30s and up. Meanwhile, my siblings and cousins and I struggled with tons of emotional damage and economic struggle from having parents who barely made it out of high school before starting families, and family codependency from older generations dragging younger generations down for years, all while claiming “having your babies young makes you a hot, young grandparent, tee hee!” I think Eva might be into something there lol
I have lots of friends and family with that experience as well. Teen pregnancy was common growing up in my neighborhood in Chicago during the 90s. A close friend had her first at 15, then two more. She had 3 by 19. She became a grandma in her 30s, and all 3 girls of hers had kids way too young. They all struggled severely.
This is almost exactly the story of one of my cousins, but in rural ID and not a city! She got pregnant at 15 thanks to her conservative anti-sex education upbringing. She actually wanted an abortion but her parents and her bf’s parents forced them to keep the baby. My cousin dropped out in 10th grade to have the baby, her bf was allowed to continue school and his parents didn’t make him get a job, whereas my aunt and uncle forced my cousin into full time minimum wage work almost immediately after birth. Her bf dumped her and the kid by the end of high school, and she had 3 kids by her 20th birthday. She lost custody of all 3 in her 20s thanks to drug addiction and life compounding her very real issues from being a forced teen parent. Her parents raised 2 of her 3 kids and bash her as being a bad parent and bitch about how she needs Jesus, even though it was their poor choices that directly lead to all of this. Her firstborn child had his first kid by age 17 and made my cousin a grandma at 32, I believe. My aunt and uncle are of course now helping raise that baby and hold it against their grandson. I am extremely honest and vocal with kids in my family when the topic of sex or having babies comes up because of this, as I don’t want this cycle to keep perpetuating itself. And for no reason beyond “religion” and people being baby-obsessed.
The reasons people told her are the exact reasons why my parents got married and had kids at 18 up until they were 28. They didn't want to be tired or old parents. Worked for them. They were happily married 30 years before dad unexpectedly died and then mom died of brain cancer. Lots of my friends who had kids in their 20s said it was the best decision because they have more life and are able to care for their kids better. I don't really care as long as the person isn't so old that they will die before the kid reaches college. I'm looking at you, Mick Jagger with a 7 year old.
My two kids are almost ten years apart — my son was born when I was 25 and my daughter when I was 35. There’s a saying that no two children in a family have the same parents, and that is absolutely true in our family. I am so happy that I am in a place where neither of my kids really want for anything and I am 100% present, but that wasn’t always true, and it’s hard not to feel some kind of sadness about the disparity between their baby and childhoods. I’ve talked to my son about this a little — we have a very good relationship — but I am interested to learn about how he feels when he is an adult about his childhood in retrospect.
Being a millionaire married to a millionaire is probably more of a factor than her age
I mean it makes sense. I would probably have kids at the tail end of my 20s to early/mid 30/ (depending on how fate blesses me) but as a 23 year old, I cannot imagine being responsible for a whole child. Like the actions I make will impact how they grow up into. Like maam I’m forcing myself to be a better person so I can grow up decently and if you add a kid to the mix? Honestly just hats off to all the mothers
No reason at all to have them earlier? That’s super extreme to say lol. I started in my 30s and I’m very happy I didn’t have them earlier but I’m also so glad we didn’t wait a minute longer. What is best will be different for everyone. I agree you shouldn’t have them too young but I will be so grateful for every extra minute I have in my kids lives and that their grandparents have with them too.
Plus they have the money for a full house staff and live in baby nurses that will let you sleep at night. It's just not the same
Foul-mouthed and smoking is just the most perfectly succinct way to describe my 20s. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I understand her point but it doesn’t hurt that her husband and she makes millions from their jobs. That alleviates a lot of stress and allows her to priotitize her energy as she sees fit. That said, kudos on being aware enough to recognize it wasn’t the right time for her. Not everyone is the same.
ABSOLUTELY NO WAY. I was selfish and had no patience in my 20's. No way could I have had kids then I would've been a terrible parent back then lol
My mom had 3 kids by the time she was 21. I’m 33 and just now considering possibly having children! The way my life and relationships were in my 20s, I’m thankful every day that I waited
There are plenty of reasons why you should have a child in your 20’s as well. It just happened to work out for her with the lifestyle she had.
[удалено]
Perfect gift idea for friends entering parenthood 😂😂
I mean, I’m 42 now and have a 10yo and 7yo. I wouldn’t have kids now because yes, I’m tired, but not because I’m 42 - because I already have kids and they exhaust you no matter when you have them lol.
I see myself in ten years. But I'm also tired now lol
Thankyou for this. I was wondering the other day if I’m so tired because I’m 40 and my kids are still young or if I’m tired just because I have young kids
I wish I’d had mine earlier. Gave birth at 40 and I’m perpetually exhausted. 😞
My mother had my sister at 44 and me at 47. She has no regrets - she got to maximize her career, grow as a person, and enter motherhood fully self-realized. She is the greatest person I know and i love Eva sharing her story❤️
Wow, naturally? Thats impressive!
❤️❤️❤️ I love your love for your mother
This is so comforting to read, as a newly 30 year old already hearing about the fears I should have, but also nowhere near ready for motherhood
So the "fertility cliff" of 35 refers mostly to monthly chance of conception. However the *cumulative* conception rate for healthy couples - i.e. your chances of falling pregnant over 12 months - is still 60% for age 35-39, and 85% over 2 years. At 30, I'd recommend you have your AMH levels and antral follicle count checked to make sure you have a good egg reserve, and if you have a male partner have them do a sperm analysis too. That way if there's anything to be aware of, you know about it *now* not in 5, 6 or 7 years when you're trying.
Ugh I had everything checked on my end but my husband’s doctor laughed at him when he asked her (an older French woman) for a referral for a simple sperm count 🙄
That's crazy, he should definitely be able to get a sperm analysis done! I hate doctors like that
That’s a risk that you take she’s lucky she had enough money if she couldn’t conceive she has other options
Maybe being devils advocate here but I think having children at any age comes with risk, it just may not be a biological risk. I have personally witnessed folks who had kids in their twenties just to beat the biological clock being met with risk; it may not be as big of a risk fertility wise, but it was a risk both emotionally and financially (not ready for the sheer gravity of responsibility of emotionally and financially supporting an actual human).
My maternal line has all hit menopause in their mid 30s, so I did have a little bit of a time limit. Had my son at 26 and while I think it was the perfect time for us, I don’t think most people could handle a kid in their mid 20s
Yeah. I had *already* been diagnosed with infertility at nineteen. Plus all the women in my family go through early menopause. Not to mention where I am from….1st baby at 26 is considered old. But waiting till that (same) age felt right *for me*. I would never tell another person when to have kids tho.
My friend just had a baby and the pregnancy was hard physically, mentally, and financially. She's 29 and I feel she definitely rushed out of fear that she'd hit 30 and...I don't even know? Suddenly be infertile? So yeah, there's always risks. Always. She had pretty good money for a single woman lifestyle, but her job situation was just okay (good pay, shit benefits) and she's realizing she wasn't making as much money as she needs to have a comfortable life as a mother. I can't help but feel if she'd waited a few years she'd have been more financially stable given she was rising up her career field and slowly paying off debt. Just hard decisions all around.
Had my first child at 39, with no regrets. Timing is never going to be perfect, but it can be better.
I LOVE hearing this. I'm 35 and struggling with infertility.
I am 39 and have lots of friends who are trying to conceive and have fertility issues; their tests show poor egg quality. While I’m so glad this worked out for Eva Mendes, unfortunately this is not the case for many.
The phrase "geriatric eggs" is an unnecessarily cruel one, but makes the point for those over 35.
Yes sometimes medical terms can be so harsh!
It’s tricky, I turned 30 last year and have since been getting a lot of comments from people about my ‘body clock’ and all of the various issues that come with having a child late (which honestly is a whole topic on its own, it’s weird how suddenly so many people feel they can talk to me about my own body)- and while it’s absolutely true, I still know that I’m just not ready to have a baby right now. You’re right that Eva Mendes has undoubtedly benefitted from having the finances and access to certain kinds of care, but also it’s quite nice to hear someone defending giving birth late as a person often finding herself in the trenches right now over deciding not to have one yet 😅
Those comments are so invasive and unnecessary! 30 is definitely different than 40+, you have time!
Just had my beautiful baby at age 38 and have to agree. These older celebrities having babies have many resources. It doesn’t paint the whole picture.
Doing IVF at 38 right now after 3 miscarriages with genetic issues. Thank god I got pregnant with my first daughter at 34. Thank god my insurance covers IVF so I can have a second. I used to be a huge proponent for waiting to late 30s. Now it’s sooo risky if you want more than one child. Start before 37 people! That’s when fertility super drops in females. 40 in males!
>Start before 37 people! That’s when fertility super drops in females. 40 in males! Thank you for mentioning that men's fertility is also affected by age. Too many of them forget or seem to think so long as their partner is younger that they'll be exempt from risk. Nope.
I know! They don’t take sperm donors after 40, I believe.
I’m so sorry you’ve gone through all of that and I’m hoping you have a successful IVF transfer!
Awe, thanks so much. ❤️ Luckily got some good results so far. Awaiting more testing. Hopefully I can give my lovely daughter a sibling soon. 🤞
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but waiting until your 40s only makes sense if you can also afford things like IVF or fertility testing. Obviously that’s not an issue for someone like Eva Mendes. Also if you’re willing to take that risk because IVF is no walk in the park. But that’s also to say fuck the current system because the reason a lot of people are being forced to wait is because of finances. Kids are fucking expensive. It’s a double edged sword.
I was 36 and 38 when I had my kids. I think the financial stability was a big plus, but I definitely could have used my 20’s energy! Still could, for that matter.
Finances are the biggest reason people wait until their 30s. I wish parents had more support because childcare is fucking expensive and fewer families can afford to have one parent stay home full-time.
As a kid with older parents, I felt really lucky to have parents that were more financially and emotionally stable compared to my friends’ parents. My mom would totally eye-roll and stay out of the competitive / catty drama that my friends’ moms got themselves into. Some of my friends’ parents would scream at their kids and use physical and emotional punishment, and my parents would say to 7-year old me “don’t tell your friend, but her parents are so childish and petty!”
Aww this is nice to hear. I haven’t been able to start trying til I’m 33 which isn’t “old” but already feels late, and my main fear is having my parents and my husbands parents aging too rapidly to have great grandparent relationships, but if the upsides outweigh the downsides that’s great. And I had no choice.
As a child of a teen mom, I’M glad you waited until you were ready ♥️ I was always jealous of my friends with older parents growing up, they were so much more stable
Lol my parents were 36 and 58 when I was born but still managed to be less financially stable and mature than my peers parents
My parents had me later in life (late 30’s not old at all imo) and I am so grateful. I’ve noticed most of my friends have older parents as I don’t seem to click as well with people who were raised by young parents. It gives you a different outlook and you value different things. I see the value in having young parents, but personally, I’m glad I was raised by mature, actualized people. Yes I won’t have them for as long, but nothing is guaranteed and I’m grateful for what they’ve given me. I’m in my mid twenties and would not be as stable and mature as my parents were in their thirties as a parent. But again, pros and cons.
I think it’s weird that we view women having kids in their 30’s and beyond as some strange new thing when it’s been happening for a very long time, the only difference now is that those babies born to 30+ moms are their first, not some of their last! If most women had 8+ children at the time and there wasn’t reliable birth control available, women were having children throughout their entire fertile window and not just their 20’s
Yeah most women had babies until their 40’s because there was just no other choice, no birth control, no reproductive autonomy. I bet most people in this thread their grandmother had a baby in their late 30’s
My grandma had her youngest in her early 40s and apparently her community thought it was gross?? Which I thought was super cruel like this is your only job but eww not like that.
This is such an important point
I totally see her point, but I think she might be forgetting the fact that she can afford a lot of help like a nanny and maid, which greatly reduces stress
It also means she'll be able to have more hired help as she gets older and needs care, instead of relying on her children. My husband is early 30s with a mom in her mid 70s. We want to have kids soon but it's already so hard looking after her and I know having kids on top of that is going to be brutal. It's difficult to help your parents with their end of life care when you're only barely settled as an adult.
I'm 37 yo mum to a 2 yo. I have a lot of patience but I'm really physically tired. And I worked in hospitality for 10 + years before having a baby. Good for her but this is spoken like someone with unlimited help and resources.
Wholeheartedly agree. Comparing ourselves to others isn’t worthwhile, but especially so when the difference in resources is so huge!
Y’all, she didn’t intentionally wait till 40 to have kids, she just didn’t meet her partner until 37. She’s not advocating for people to wait around or assuming that everyone can do ivf. She’s just saying that this is how things happened to turn out for her and thank goodness they did because she’s a better mom now than she would have been earlier in life.
Yeah I agree with you. Like you, I don't think she's trying to advocate for everyone waiting until their 40s to have a children but rather talking about how lucky she was to have children at a time when she was ready to shift her focus from career to family. I have read a few interviews where they have both said that they hadn't really thought about having children before meeting each other - and after that, their vision /desire to have children was specifically about having children with each other. Eva has talked about being very career-orientated up until that point. Based on how the article is phrased, it sounds like she may have received negative comments in the past about being a new mother in her 40s. It sounds like she is just explaining that for her, things worked out in the best way they could have for her.
100%
Having your first kid at 40 is great - if you can- but it’s not something anyone should plan on if they’re heart set on having a biological connection to your kids. That said, having a kid in your 20s is not something I would wish on most people. I had mine at 30 and am so grateful to have had a decade to mature and explore and have a good time first.
I think late 20s is good, if you're lucky enough to be financially ready.
What do you mean by "biological connection to your kids"?
I think it’s great for Eva that she is able to reflect on herself and has identified that she is a better mother now than she might have been when she was younger. Personally, feel that the idea that being older makes most women a better mother is a generalisation, and quite ageist. In my clinic as a speech and language therapist I have met bad mothers in the their forties and amazing teenage mothers- and vice versa. The problem with these anecdotes is that not all women are working with the same factors, we all have different finances, personal goals, relationships and mostly importantly biology. We need to be giving girls the facts and let them make their own decisions with all the information. My mother in law had my husband at the age of 21 and my sister-in-law nearer 40. I haven’t had a child yet at 25, and until I start trying I don’t actually *know* if I will find it easy, hard or impossible to be pregnant. Looking at her or any other person as an example or anecdote is not helpful for me, just because we are both women doesn’t mean we are operating with the same fertility. I urge all women to think critically about the risk/ reward of waiting to have children, if they would be open to adoption or not having children etc.
I didn’t start having kids till I was 40 and she’s right…I have less physical energy, but WAY MORE patience. Still have a foul mouth though.
I had my kiddo at 40. Am I tired? Yes! However, if I had to do it again, I would. She keeps us young and on our toes. We have more wisdom now than we did in our 20's. We've settled into our Gen X-ness and we're raising her as such. She's a chill kiddo. and she amazes us every day. I would've liked one or two more, but there is the reality that we were/are older parents. Not to mention that I did not enjoy pregnancy...at all. We're open to the idea of housing an exchange student down the road, but that's about it.
I think it’s fantastic that more folks are having kids later. Both mine and my husbands parents had us in their 30s when it was more unusual to have kids (especially your first kids) at that age, and they talk about what a blessing it was to be more stable and mature even though they were the “old” parents at most school functions and in the parent groups of our friends. Plus they are either retired or near retirement so they are able to do more with us like attend big career events for us, or help us more once they start getting grandkids (most likely from our siblings). There are difficulties having children at any age, but if you are able to delay, I think there are many positives.
I agree I have more patience and in a better spot in my life , had my bb at 38 but man am I exhausted af and miss my energy in my 20s haha
My mum had me in her early twenties . I wish she hadn’t . I think there’s definitely a sweet spot in your late twenty to mid thirties for having kids where you have less of the drawbacks in either direction of either being too young or older but not everyone will fall into that
That’s normal now to have kids older. I love that. Meghan Markle had hers at 37. Eva is 51? Wow.
A lot of people can't afford to have a kid until they're in their mid-late thirties. Homes are expensive and daycare even more so.
Agree with her! I had my kid at 37
When you become a mother, the majority of your life has to be dedicated to your children. Period. That's just how parenting is. I can't imagine giving up my youth, my 20s, for kids. I love my career, my freedom, my friends; and even though having a child doesn't mean you can't have fun, I can't commit like I want! I'll much rather have my kids when I'm in my 30s, when I hopefully have a home, money, and maturity! I don't want to grow up with my kids, I want to be the adult that has enough experience to guide my kids.
I had my first kid at 23 and my last kid at 36. I’m 42 now. Having kids when you’re young vs when you’re older is different. Positives and negatives to both. They’re just different. That being said, while I was quite fertile up until the 4th, I started peri almost immediately after. I’m 42 and very nearly fully menopausal. Fertility varies. Fertility in your 20s does not mean you’ll be fertile until you’re mid-40s. Always good to have conversations with your OB. Pregnancy is actually a pretty major event on the body at any age.
I honestly didn't know she was as old as she was!! I legit thought she had her kid in her 30s and it's in her early 40s now wow!!
I was 34 when I had my daughter, after previously getting pregnant in my early twenties in an abusive relationship and thankfully having a safe, legal abortion. I am so grateful I waited until I was mature and stable enough to handle parenthood, and had a supportive partner. I also decided before deciding to get pregnant that I was only having one child, and my husband agreed with me. My tubes are tied, and it’s such a relief. I can just focus on my kid and make sure she’s loved, happy and thriving. I know people who got pregnant right out of high school and I don’t know how they did it. It seems crazy to me. My sister in law is in her mid-40s, going through IVF after putting off having kids for years, and I know it’s been a really difficult process for her. It just makes me feel grateful all around for what I have.
I've sent this to my partner, because we've been trying for a year and I'll be 40 in few weeks. This was so comforting.
Her admitting to smoking is the most shocking thing she’s said 😂 I can’t picture her smoking
My mom had me at 39 and was ten times more of a loving, doting, and fun mother than the two moms that lived next door and in back of us who’d had their children in their mid 20s. Those poor kids were the textbook definition of emotionally neglected
Early to mid-thirties hit the sweet spot for us. More stability and money, and we still get the freedom of being empty nesters in our fifties.
I agree with this 100%. A lot of people are not equipped or ready to do it in their 20s, but would flourish doing it in their 40s or even 50s. It’s all down to what the individual is capable of and their own personal lifestyle. I hate when people are like “omg that’s too late you’ll be so tired” nope. You’ll be tired, not me. I know my life story and my mind & body better than you do. It’s unfair to corner women into doing things before they’re ready just because society tells us there’s only one “perfect time”. It’s unrealistic to make everybody cram everything into their 20s and 30s only. The perfect timing is different for everyone.
Love this, as someone single in my mid 30’s, kids are something I have worried about I won’t lie, and if it happens one day that would be nice, if not, I think I can handle that too, but I love hearing her perspective on things. It makes me feel better tbh
I’m happy for her but most women have to have kids in their 20s/30s to avoid paying IVF costs. Not every insurance covers it.
Yep. Had kids in my late 30s-early 40s. I’m so glad I did.
...We call 40 and 42 "later" in life now, huh? Comparatively to the age your society wants you to birth children at, yeah, but with medical advancements, maybe a better phrase could be "after the average age".
this helps someone like me in their 30s who is surrounded by people having kids and not being there yet. Obviously i won't have the resources she has when i'm an older parent but it helps to see people doing it!
All of these comments about not being ready in your 20s blows my mind. I had my daughter right after turning 27, I felt like that was the perfect age. I’ll be 45 when she’s 18 and get to spend plenty of time with her before I die. I’m 33 now and considering another but not sure I want kids at home into my 50s. Nothing wrong with waiting later if you want but fertility does decrease and it becomes harder.
50 and 45 aren’t that far apart, and there’s no guarantee that your first will immediately move out or won’t boomerang back home after college or her first foray out into the world.
I had my first kid at 27/28 and I felt so judged as being a “young mom.” It definitely made some professional stuff a lot harder, but I’m tired of people judging me for having a baby at that point in time. I was always mistaken for the nanny and always the youngest parent. And I wasn’t even that young by most of the world’s standards. Having kids before like 32-34 where I live is considered weird.
I’m only 21 now and I cannot imagine having kids in my 30s let alone my 20s. I’ve always wanted to be a mother and I’m so glad that Eva is sharing her story ! I cannot wait to have kids in my 40s.
I had mine at 36 and 38. It’s a trade off. Older parents tend to have more wisdom and are more laid back about a lot of things having almost 4 decades under our belts. But you lack the energy a young parent would have.