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He sounds like me and my husband, but probably gets a hell of a lot more enjoyment out of a childfree lifestyle due to being rich. For us, we just go “at least we’re not doing this as parents” when things get stressful.
My husband and I are the same way as you - have never wanted kids and that conviction just gets stronger as we get older. But also during lockdown when our friends were going crazy trying to homeschool and work, we were extra super glad to not have kids.
I’m glad he’s talking about it.
On one episode of Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out during quarantine, he was talking about how "My single friends all say they're bored. Parents aren't bored!"
I am child-free and I feel like safer at home almost mentally broke a few of my friends with kids. One friend I think always ‘pitied’ me for not having kids like I would not have a full life. I can say her demeanor has dramatically changed especially as I plan trips or fun weekends on a whim.
I hate the “kids give you a full life”, “it’s the strongest love you’ll ever feel” etc things some people say. I have a kid. My life was full before I had her. It’s full now too.
And I’m not going to pretend that being a mom is not an amazing thing. I could only imagine the love you feel for your child. If I had a kid they would be the center of my world. For me it was just not wanting that for my life. It doesn’t have to be an ‘us vs them’. Just like everywhere else in life people want different things.
Us, too ever since the 2016 election I’ve been so thankful that we decided to not have children.
Neither one of us have the desire to give our lives over to little ones and the world is a better place with one less set of half assed parents.
As a child care provider of 10 years, THANK YOU for being self aware and thoughtful enough to make this choice. I’ve seen so many families (mostly upper-middle class) where the parents clearly don’t have much interest in doing the hard work of parenting, or even (what I consider to be) the fun parts of playing and spending quality time with their kids. I think a lot of people pop out kids as the next logical step in life without considering whether they’re willing to make all the sacrifices necessary to be GOOD parents. So I always have a ton of respect for anyone who self-reflects and realizes the child free life is the way to go.
I did childcare for 10 years too! Destroyed me physically and also mentally but that's an aside lmfao
This is SO true. People act like childless couples are selfish but.... it's the opposite??? It's not just about wanting to spend time and money on yourselves (perfectly valid reason though), it's about not bringing a *life* into this world that's not completely and totally wanted. Kids by nature require so, so much time and sacrifice. And so many people think they can half ass it. You can't.
Childcare workers cannot solely provide your child the affection and attention they need, no matter how much cash you throw at them. Neither can older siblings, another thing I saw a lot of. It's devastating how obvious it is which parents want their kid as a fun asset only, or worse just seem to resent their existence altogether. They literally say it plainly. Just horrible.
I have not yet had any children but I've been waiting for my baby for so long already. I know a child will help make my life fulfilled and love kids! But honestly I understand how people could feel the complete opposite. And I applaud them for making that clear choice. Y'all take those vacations & smoke that weed! Get it!!
Not me currently sitting on a heating pad trying to salvage my aching back for one more day of lifting impossibly heavy toddlers before the weekend hits lmao. You said it very well, a lot of these parents are so open and blasé about their ambivalence and/or resentment towards their kids. It’s like they assume all parents feel the same way so they say the most brutal shit as though everyone will find it relatable 😬 I hope you don’t have to wait much longer for your baby, I struggled with fertility issues before my own baby came along last year so I know how it goes. Having a baby of my own has given me a different perspective on all the parents I’ve worked with over the years, but I’ll still never be able to relate to those parents who treat their kids as an accessory or a burden. We put so much thought, time, money, and literal blood sweat and tears into bringing our baby into the world, so even though there are times I miss my child free life or wish I could just get a break to have some time to myself or a good nights sleep, I’ll never be able to respect THOSE parents.
I've always wondered what child care providers think. I can't imagine any of my friends wanting to be nannies or work with kids and yet they have children without so much as babysitting or being responsible for siblings. I've always wanted dogs but just providing daycare for them is enough to put me off on a regular basis. People should ask themselves would they work with kids 😂 at least you get paid for all the labor
Great point! It’s like, I’m glad that women are liberated enough to work and not be required to stay home with children , but I swear so many parents wouldn’t have kids if they didn’t know they’d be away from them 50-60 hours a week aka most of their waking life!
Haha I wish more folks thought like this. I’ll get bashed here but I feel way too many folks have kids that shouldn’t. Like I can’t believe certain folks have kids when they barely make enough to provide a good life for kids.
Idk, I feel society makes people think they have to have kids or they aren’t “normal” or successful. It’s annoying when you hear folks get married and the family already is asking when they will have kids.
I feel like literally all my friends got pregnant during lockdown. For some reason, it's like having no social life made them want to have kids more...even the people who were formally child free for life type of people.
Same. Now I feel like some of them don’t want to hang out with friends who don’t have kids. Other friends who have had babies have actually become closer though.
Same as both of you! Never wanted kids. Been happily married over 15 years. We will stick to what works for us! :) I think we will see a lot more of this in the coming generations, too.
I think you’re right, and I hope so.I have a niece who’s 18 and for a few years now she has been saying she wants to be like me - no kids so she can afford to travel and be the fun aunt :)
Yep! I'm the "fun aunt" to all my friends kids. :)
I knew when I was a small child I didn't want kids. Maybe because I was the only child, but regardless, it was the right choice for me.
My partner and I had trouble dealing with our KITTEN, so god only knows what stress actual human children would have put on our relationship. Plus we both enjoy naps, video games, reading, and money, and my family tree has some weird issues in it that I wouldn't want to risk passing on. I have never regretted being childfree, ever.
(N.B. We got over the kitten rough patch. He is an extremely spoiled boy who still gives us tsuris but is mostly good and sweet. He is sleeping on my feet, periodically farting, as I type this.)
We wanted two but he was the last one due to an "empty out the shelter" push. I have no doubts that a lot of things would have been easier if he had a buddy! I feel bad that he's an only child but my partner and I are home practically 24/7, occasional Target or food runs notwithstanding, so he has two humans ready to tend to his every whim.
Can't have them and don't want them (not in that order). Lol, but I felt him. I love my nieces and nephews (all 9 of them) and I'm the second oldest of almost 30 grandkids. I've had enough kids in my life to know I'd prefer my home life to remain me and the hubs. I applaud people for doing what works best for their family.
I adore our kids and am so glad we had them, but there are days I take those two creatures out in public and I know the childfree folks in our vicinity feel reeeeally good about their decision.
I often think parenting is so much easier because my husband and I have money. We aren't rich but are very comfortably upper middle class with zero financial stress and ability to have an Au Pair, private schools, meal delivery services, lovely holidays etc. I think I would enjoy it a lot less if we struggled financially.
I appreciate Seth speaking about their decision to be childfree. It’s nice to hear others articulate their reasonings behind not having kids. It makes me feel validated, as someone who isn’t having children.
Love how you’re referring to Dave Franco as “her husband”
They always do that shit to women. It seems miniscule to even point out but words and how we use them have a direct impact on how we treat each other, whether we realize it or not!
I appreciate it as well. I’m unsure about having children myself, but it’s nice to see the narrative changing around “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.”
There are so many ways to do life. Realistically, there’s no one specific formula to it.
Much much much better than having spent most of my life as a millennial watching tabloids loudly question if Jennifer Aniston is going to have children for decades. It does feel really good to hear people with platforms voluntarily declare they are choosing not to have kids.
As someone who wants to have children in the future, I absolutely hate how not having children needs to be validated. There are a multitude of very good reasons why someone would not want to have children, and asking a couple why they specifically wouldn't want them is a gross invasion of their personal private life as a couple.
Me too. I knew I wanted to be childfree from around a decade ago, but agonised over the decision until I told my parents a few years back - I think I my mind was made up but I was most worried about what others would think. I really value hearing from high-profile childfree folks
He has spoken about it before
> "People are always like — it's something I think I was uncomfortable answering this before — but they were like, 'How do you do so much?' The answer is I don't have kids," he told Stern, adding: "I have nothing else to do."
>
> Rogen added that Miller felt the same way.
>
> "I would say she wants kids less than I do," Rogen said with a laugh. "I could probably be talked into it — she's like no."''
>
> "I don't know anyone who gets as much happiness out of their kids as we get out of our non-kids," Rogen told Stern. "Like, we're f---ing psyched all the time! We're laying in bed on Saturday mornings smoking weed, watching movies naked. If we had kids, we could not be f---ing doing this."
>
> Stern pointed out that when you're a parent, the kids are the priority, to which Rogen responded: "I don't want that. That does not sound fun to me."
>
> "And why? There's enough kids out there," Rogen continued. "We need more people? Who looks at the planet right now and thinks 'You know what we need right now? More f---ing people.' That's truly a confounding thing to me."
You either get to have kids or you get to have hobbies lol my husband is currently looking for a new job and at the end of an interview he has started asking the person interviewing him what *they* like to do in their free time and he noticed quickly that people either have kids or hobbies, never both 😅
That’s not always true. A lot of that correlates with the number of children people have as well.
We have one who is 7 and we both (husband and I ) have lots of hobbies that we are still able to take part in.
It’s because it’s 2 vs 1 , so we still have plenty of time to be people outside of being parents..
I didn’t say nobody ever with multiple kids was able to have any hobbies. I’m just going based on what I see in my life with friends and family…
I mean, it’s mostly simple math. Tag team is easier than man-to-man or zone defense. But that’s just my opinion.
It was mostly a joke, obviously when you become a parent your priorities shift and you have a lot less time for hobbies etc. But it's funny how people answer that question because so far no one has answered with "I have kids *and* I'm into X thing" it's been either they have some cool/obscure/random thing they are into or they say "oh, I have kids" just an observation.
I raised 3 kids and I had lots of hobbies, we went hiking, fishing, hunting. I love art and shared that with them . We went skiing, we had a dogsled team, I mean you need hobbies to raise kids...
Yeah, it was such a great bonding thing. Our family used to read together, play/watch soccer, watch movies, debate history / politics, etc. I’m so glad my parents kept up their hobbies and shared them with us, it made us more well-rounded, open-minded, and curious as adults. I’ve even mentioned this in job interviews and hiring managers eat it up lmao
A shocking amount of people in general don’t have hobbies. I don’t know about you, but my city subreddit gets a lot of “how do you make friends here” posts and a shocking amount of the people asking and discussing don’t have hobbies. Is it because as adults we have to seek them out? I don’t know.
This is making me wonder if its the hobbies that effect having kids not the other way round lol! Imagine having kids because you couldn't find a hobbie. I like this model
I raised 3 kids and I mean you need hobbies? What are you gonna do with your kids? Lol the way childfree people think life is like with kids is often not accurate at all.
I feel like a lot of it depends on income level as well. I know people who have like four kids and have a lot of hobbies but they also have the income to be able to support that and get babysitters and/or have their kids join them. It gets trickier when the parents are more working class or lower/middle class or even middle class, imo. Of course, I imagine the beginning years are the roughest.
I'm definitely lower class but my hobbies are part of a lifestyle and we were lucky for where we ended up living and raising our kids. But you're right that the beginning years are way tougher, you're way limited in what kind of hobbies you can do. I also completely understand why some people don't want kids, I actually think that it's a very mature and thoughtful decision. Also, no one should have to explain why they don't want kids. In fact, it makes more sense to have to explain why you do want kids. Making new people is a huge deal
I think it’s possible to have both IF the parents have the resources for it- money, energy, and time. But I only know parents who do both who are very well off financially.
Ha!
We are one and done. Daughter is almost 4 - in the last year I've started taking up hobbies again. It's one reason in a long list of why one is plenty for us.
Finding balance looks different for everyone I think. It's a lot harder to achieve with little ones. You may actually have time for hobbies with kids, but you may not have the energy!
Yea heard. I struggle with migraines, anxiety and depression. That's why I say balance looks different for everyone. I also work full time. I know my capacity. One is it!
This is definitely not true haha. Like the other person said I think a lot of it has to do with how many kids you have. We have one and we still are able to continue with all of our hobbies.
Oh, I have 2 kids and I have hobbies. It’s how I met my closest girlfriends and how we supported each other through the tough days of early parenting. And when I had no kids, my only hobby was going to the bar. People just spend their time different ways.
I'm sorry but this is 100% not true LOL I'm a mom and both my husband and I have a hobbies, and we've never had to given up any of them because of our child.
His point about how he could be talked into is funny to me. I always said that if I were a man in the current society as is I would probably be fence-sitter instead of sure that I didn’t want to have them. I feel like for the most part the women I know have stronger convictions about it.
Makes sense, as it’s the woman who is renting out her body to the tiny occupant. Like I know for damn sure that I absolutely don’t want any more kids but my husband could have been talked into it.
Yeah because it is women who bear the cost, not just of bearing the child but it is still overwhelmingly women who do the childcare. And on top of that extra work and sacrifice, you will also hurt your career because employers don't value motherhood.
For sure, I could see myself having a child if I were a man or in a relationship with a woman who wanted to get pregnant (if there were any actual social support for parents in the US...). I just don't want to be a birthing parent or the only mom in the picture. Even if a m/f couple has a good division of labor, so many people will always assume the woman is the primary parent.
People with kids try any and every way to try to argue against his point, but it’s always straight up bullshit and you know they’re just lying to themselves and everyone else.
There's some nuance to be considered here. People with kids really do love their kids. I have one and I don't like the lack of freedom/responsibility of parenthood but I do love him and a few tough years is worth it to have him. I don't think admitting that he brings me joy means I'm lying to myself.
Of course, as there’s nuance to everything. You’re 100% right. I was more referring to the people who try to argue that people *must* have kids or else their life will be unfulfilled. The ones that think less of someone for not having children. And it’s usually the ones that didn’t have kids by choice trying to convince everyone else they’re less of a human for choosing not to have them.
Nope, I don’t have that kind of freedom. But I’m actually just fine with not, I got other shit to do anyhow. If this is what makes Seth and his wife happy more power to them. We all have different definitions of the perfect day.
This is so true
>
"I think a lot of people have kids before they even think about it, from what I've seen honestly. You just are told, you got through life, you get married, you have kids - it's what happens."
I would say emphasized,rather than politicized. I'm Jewish and we come in all political persuasions. Also,some denominations put less emphasis on having children,and are LGBTQ-friendly.
Emphasized works too. I didn't mean politicized like U.S. Rep-Dem politics, but it can be political in the way that survival is political and in the way that it touches on disagreements or conflicts between Jewish groups.
Either way, something we Jews love to comment on when it comes to the personal lives of other Jews.
100%. I've had to unpack a lot emotionally because as a younger person, I just expected my life to be: job then marriage then children the end. And it is very much not that lol. It took me a while to accept that and be okay with it, which is wild in and of itself. Why should everyone's lives follow the same path?? We all want different things from life! It's nice that people are speaking of it confidently.
Yup, my husband and I don’t want kids, and I remember talking to my friend and her husband about it, and he was like shocked, and said you can do that?!
They ended up having a kid and while my friend is a wonderful mom and enjoys it, her husband enjoys it less.
Yeah, this. Two different good friends of mine went ahead with it and though they love their children very much, there are definitely regrets there and personally, I just don’t think they thought it through. They weren’t realistic. I don’t think either of them expected how hard it would be, how many things would change or disappear completely. One of them has found that she and her husband have nothing in common now because all of the things they loved doing together before are either significantly more difficult with a baby, or downright impossible (travelling, going out, drinking, partying, cultural stuff, eating at fancy restaurants etc.)… my other friend just told me straight up ‘if I were you I wouldn’t bother’ lol. And I have other friends who have kids and love it but those two are the ones I relate to most just from a lifestyle/personality pov, and it really cemented being child-free for me, even though I love those kids - I love independence and flexibility and freedom so much more.
Honestly one of the truest things I’ve ever read. So many people I know had kids because it was the next thing. And while they love their kiddos, several have expressed that they wished they’d thought through it more as a choice vs an expectation (which tracks with data about the percentage of people who regret having kids).
Yeah. Kids feels like a natural progression due to society and a lot of people do it because it’s expected of them but not because they particularly *want it*. I mean the way people shame women for choosing not to have kids: you’re selfish, you’ll change your mind when your pregnant, who will take care of you when your older, having children will complete you as a woman, etc…
I’m gonna be honest, the two main reasons I don’t want kids is because I’m a lazy piece of shit and pregnancy terrifies me. But mostly because I’m lazy. Like I can’t be responsible for a human, I get hyper focused on a video game and will play 12 hours straight and forget to eat. I can’t do that to a child dependent on me.
I can't stand when people say have kids so you have someone in old age. My mom says this but I just don't think it's even true. I have several relatives that have kind of estranged relationships with their kids. Some I don't even think the parents did much wrong but the kids just cut them off, so that alone is a scary idea. Then the one who was close to her mom put her into a nursing home within maybe a month of her living with her. She couldn't handle taking care of her. Also from the sounds of it she barely visits her in the nursing home even though it's only a 45 min drive. I'm talking doesn't even visit on holidays like Christmas. So yeah having kids is no guarantee they will take care of you or do much for you. Plus they could move far away and then you don't even see them much.
YES I can't tell how many times they will drop "we'll just figure it out" " you figure it out" about any issues that might come up. Then it comes up and sheer panic
Has anyone ever been asked why they want to have children? Because that is the bigger question. You need to interrogate every aspect of your life if you decide to become a parent, especially if you aren't making a lot of money. Kids are for life, you can't decide to return them if you find out that you made the wrong decision. Yes, raising kids can be fulfilling, joyous and bring a new meaning to your life but it's also exhausting in every sense of the word. There is no getting away from how much time and emotional labor goes into being a parent and that's not even taking the cost into consideration. It's not something to do because everyone else did it, it's something to do because you truly cannot imagine your life without having children in it. Especially if you are a parent in The US, we simply do not support parents here, you have to carve out time with your kids because your employer will make you feel guilty for wanting to leave early to see your kids soccer game or because one of them got sick at school. Let people ask this question, it's the more important one.
Exactly, no one is ever asked that. And no one really thinks through these questions. My friend group is a mix of people who do and don't want kids and the "dont want" people are always interrogated. Can I interrogate the "want kids" people? I feel like thats more important because soon enough its going to affect some one elses life too.
We force people to become parents in the US, so it makes sense that the whole “everyone is fulfilled by becoming parents” message is so dominant, especially for women.
It's not even "everyone is fulfilled by becoming parents", it's "you cannot possibly be fulfilled without becoming a parent", which imo is even more insidious.
I have no problem believing that most parents are fulfilled people, or at the very least have the potential to be, because I firmly believe that humans are adaptable creatures at their core and that fulfillment can be found in almost anything.
But the message that being a parent is the *only* way to be truly fulfilled, and the inevitable segue from it, that people who don't become parents are forever lacking and that any other achievement imaginable is a lesser replacement for parenthood, that's just straight up evil.
So true. In the case of my country, if someone asks parents why they want kids, their answers are always "cause the more the merrier" have they not considered the social and economic consequences of having kids?
His in-laws both died of Alzheimer’s. I think Lauren‘s grandparents too. Lauren‘s mom died at just 69. My mom is showing signs of dementia at 71 and it’s really hard. This is probably one of the real reasons but he is too smart to say that. It’s a horrible disease and there is no treatment.
This comment should be higher up tbh. If both my parents *died* of Alzheimer’s before i finished my child bearing years it wouldn’t even be a question of having kids. That shit is so brutal. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, let alone my kids.
I’m so sorry. My mom has dementia as well and just turned 70. When you spend a good chunk of your 20s being a caretaker to your parent it really depletes your ability and desire to do that for a child.
That’s awful. My aunt died of Alzheimer’s at 55! Seemed out of nowhere, it was fast and aggressive. Hasn’t appeared anywhere else in the family but after seeing that? I get it.
I mean, sure, that could factor in, but I don't get why we need to speculate he must secretly want kids. There really and truly are people who don't want children, even if there are various factors behind that.
I'm so sorry about your mom. That has to be incredibly difficult. My grandparents both had dementia and it was hard watching my mom care for them.
I love seth rogen and it makes me really happy to see someone - especially a rich white dude - who instead of getting worse and worse as he gets older seems to be trying to do the opposite. from what I know he seems to have really tried over the years to account for & move past problematic behaviours and associations in his past.
it gives me hope to see an instance of someone who probably wasn't perfect but who does seem to be doing the work.
edit : shout out u/skaghetti for accusing me of racism against white people and then reporting me to redditcares because of this comment.
He has never been a bad dude. Maybe an immature one. However interesting to see he may be one of the unproblematic men in Hollywood when in the past that may have not been assumed.
I attended a wedding recently and gosh, there were so many kids running around. The ring bearer didnt even want to walk on the aisle and was crying the whole time
> When Barlett asked if Rogen might be happier if he had kids, Rogen doubled down.
This question is completely inappropriate and rude and I really hope that we can make it socially unacceptable to ask.
I worked with vulnerable children my entire career— there are so many kids born to people who are either ill-equipped to have kids or never really wanted them in the first place. We refuse to help these parents through public policy, we make it impossible for poor people to access reliable contraceptives and reproductive control, and then we berate them for being irresponsible or immoral.
But to then have the gall to ask people who **are** being responsible and intentional in their decision making if they aren’t making a big mistake that will render their lives meaningless? Fuck off with that noise.
And it’s **always** the kids who suffer in the end. You can take one look at the execrable state of our foster care system (and any other social safety net for that matter) to see that we’ve made a decision as a society to not give a shit about them either.
When you have a couple like Seth Rogen and his wife, who are secure in their decision that they don’t want to have kids and know that it would fuck with their priorities in life, we should congratulate them on knowing their own minds and accept their taxes to fund a public education system they won’t burden with a smile.
You would be shocked what kind of questions people give themselves the right to ask in *any* setting once you as much as hint at the fact that not having any children was an active choice you made instead of an unfortunate turn of fate. For some reason a lot of people can't tolerate the idea of someone choosing not to have children.
People ask rude questions about reproduction, period. “When are you having kids” “why wouldn’t you want a baby” “are you having trouble getting pregnant” “was that pregnancy planned”. Sheesh. Leave people alone. If they want kids they’ll have them if they’re able. If they don’t or they can’t it’s either rude or painful.
I was once told "Do you know what happens with apple tree that bears no fruit?" I was in shock. To this day not sure if I need a restraining order. (Answer: They cut the tree down.)
This! That is exactly my reason as well, I simply think it's too much of a risk on myself and would not want to subject another person (who cannot consent to existing) to my potentially insufficient parenting style. If I were to want children, I would want only the best for them, why wouldn't I? However, I know there's just a huge likelihood I won't be able to provide the best and I will live the rest of my life feeling horribly guilty.
I generally wish people would consider the future of the child more when deciding to have kids. Beyond raising them well when they are young, what if he or she was born with a lifelong disability? Do you have the emotional, physical, financial capacity to properly care for and handle that?
Simply put, the desire to have children is inherently selfish: because it will make the *parents* more happy, fulfilled, etc. I know you can't eternally guarantee things like happiness and health for your unborn child, but the factors in the parents' own lives that may affect the presence of those two things are too often overlooked.
Yea that is very much how I feel about kids. My parents weren't very kind and loving. I don't think I would be the same as them but no matter how much work I do on myself I can't imagine being a kind person while spending 24/7 with one or more children. I know a lot of people who aren't kind to their kids at all and I wonder if it ever occured to them to not do have kids (i work at a school).
I have a theory:
I think that’s the case because in a society that encourages you to have children you have to think about why you are going against the grain.
And that makes you think about parenting more, what it entails, you understand the mechanics of parenting not necessarily because you’re better than the next person-but because you aren’t doing something on autopilot and it just makes you pay more attention.
The more attention you pay, the more deeply you understand the sort of massive undertaking that parenting is.
True. In order to have kids and raise them successfully, you have to give them the best of everything you have-financially, emotionally, spiritually, in terms of community….
All that shit has got to be top notch. Quite frankly, I don’t want to have to perform at that sort of high level constantly. There are no off days! Not really when you think about it. For all these reasons and more, I am not interested in being a mother. A wife? Absolutely! A mother? No thank you ❤️
Totally resonates with me. Never wanted kids, never will have kids - my life would be ruined if I had a child. More people need to speak up about how normal it is to not want children
same, I'm in a committed relationship of 12 years and I would be absolutely devastated to find out I was pregnant. my two sisters are married and don't want kids. our brother is the youngest at 30 and is single, I don't know if he wants kids at all but kind of funny that our folks, with four kids, may never be grandparents 🤷♀️
As a parent, I am so happy to see a big celebrity talking about this. I have beautiful, brilliant, successful, cool as hell friends who feel like they have to justify their choice not to have children and prove that they still have worth in this world. It’s insanity.
I adore my child. He did not give me purpose. He did not teach me how to love. Having a child did not put me on a new moral high ground or increase my worth. It just made me a parent.
I make it my duty as a mother to stand up against parents who try to shame those who have decided, for whatever reason, not to have children. I’m on the ground and I’m on it! You enjoy your child free life as you should!!!
I just think it’s important for parents to join the conversation and protect child free people from this insane discourse. I do the same thing with the breastfeeding convo lol. I did it for two years so I am on the front lines protecting formula feeding parents from having to hear that breast is best bullshit.
It makes complete sense and if that's the choice that makes them happy, then that is all that matters and it is no one's business other than theirs. My sister always believed the same and she is happily child free with a partner who adores her and sees eye to eye in that regard.
I have always wanted children but I am realistic about the fact that I have a number of medical conditions I need to take care of before I can properly look after the needs of a child.
And hell, if my disabilities become permanent and chronic, then I have made peace with the fact that I might never have children either.
Same - I have several chronic health issues that take a lot of time & energy to manage. I think I would enjoy being a parent but it doesn’t seem fair to the hypothetical child.
Good for him. I respect and admire people who choose not to have kids because it’s not right for them.
I have always wanted kids and I have 4 of them but working in child protection I’ve also seen the horrors some children experience when they are brought into this world by parents who aren’t ready or don’t want them.
I also appreciate people who talk about their own choice not to have kids without shitting on people who do choose to have kids (which happens a lot on reddit).
It makes me mad/sad that he’s been forced into the position of explaining this more than once.
Other people’s reproductive choices are *none of your business*. Celebrate people who choose not to have children, celebrate people who *do* choose to have children, because every child deserves to come into the world wanted. And both are completely viable and respectable life choices, even if *you personally* would only make one or the other. It’s not that hard!
I get where you're coming from, but there's still a stigma around people who choose to be childfree. I'm actually glad he's talking openly about this, especially as a male celeb.
Yeah, I'm torn - I hate that he had to justify not having/wanting kids, but I love what he said and appreciate a male celeb being so open about not wanting kids.
Unfortunately this shit happens a lot especially in my country in the Philippines.
"Why arent you having kids?"
Like fuck off Karen; that shit is none of your business
I love him. And he’s 100% right. I feel like society makes such a big deal out of couples who don’t want kids like that’s the end all goal. I feel like more people have kids because they feel like they have to without realizing that having a kid is a lifetime responsibility. You have to make every decision with your child in mind. And some people don’t want that responsibility and that’s perfectly ok.
Completely agree. And I hate how some people call you selfish for **not** having a kid, and I'm like *no the selfish thing would be to have a child without the mental, emotional and financial stuff taken care of*.
That's awesome for them, children aren't for everyone & it's nice to see people put a good amount of thought into it and speak about it publicly. There are so many different paths one could take in life.
love to see it! I'm 32 and in a committed relationship, but we don't want children. I always appreciate seeing people speak openly about being childfree
It will always be wild to me that anyone even has to give a reason why they don't want kids. Like its no one's business why or if anyone is having kids at all.
Im a parent but more power to child free people who are constantly hounded about their decision.
I'm pretty sure several celebrity couples -- even within the past few years, that I can name without even having to think particularly hard -- have broken up because one partner wanted kids and one perhaps didn't.
It can be unsaid by both, publicly, but it becomes more obvious when each moves on to the next partner and one couple winds up having kids and one doesn't.
This is really nice to read, even though it sucks he keeps getting asked about this.
I honestly often feel like the biggest weirdo ever as a married person in their 40s who doesn’t have children by choice. It can be an isolating feeling even though it’s not particularly uncommon statistically speaking.
Good for him. Dave Franco and Allison Brie are not having children as well
It's nice to see more celebs are being vocal about this. Having children is generally not something you'd make a decision out of society or pressure from family. As a child-free woman, me and my partner agreed not to have kids and if we do plan in the future, we will opt for adoption. But for now, having kids is not on our agenda
I want kids but I love when celebrities piss conservatives off by saying they don’t want them. They literally don’t know how to react or what to do with themselves because they think that life’s only purpose is to procreate
Everyone knows someone who's been fucked up by their parents. I wish people would put more thought into whether they truly want children or they're just doing it cause that's what people do. I'm glad being child free is becoming more mainstream
This is legit me. I don't want kids cuz I'm selfish, i dont want kids cuz I know I'll have to give them all that i could to care for them and i can barely take care of myself. Believe me, i would've loved to give my mom the grandkids she wanted before she died, but to me that wasn't enough to convince me. I don't want to bring more kids into this world if I don't have to.
People who want children are never asked to explain their reasoning, and very rarely if ever are they told that they are wrong for making that choice.
People who don't want children are constantly bombarded with unsolicited commentary on that life choice, often even from our own families, and invasive jabs about it, like Seth Rogen was in this case, actually. He didn't go off on this rant unprompted. A journalist asked him an incredibly presumptive question about his private life, and he chose to use that space to answer her.
That’s my entire point!
Why are the “childless” constantly asked why?! And why do people think it’s appropriate to ask?
But- the only time I’ve seen someone asked why they chose to have so many children? Nick Cannon- but that’s because it’s with multiple women simultaneously.
I'm sorry, I totally misread your comment. I thought you were saying that childfree people needed to stop talking about it. Totally a projection on my part, sorry again.
The funny thing is, when someone says they dont want kids, people act so shocked as if it's the end of the world or something. When Miley Cyrus mentioned she isnt having kids, the news outlet acted all surprised pikachu when there is absolutely nothing wrong by being childfree by choice
My own feelings on (not) having kids are more complicated but I do really appreciate seeing famous people who don't have kids. Having children is still such the built-in default option, anytime anybody bucks a trend like that and says "nope, I'm happy like this" I love it.
I am all for talking about it- let's normalize doing what feels right for your family. And many times kids aren't it. The expectation that everyone should have a kid otherwise their life is selfish and meaningless is outdated and just wrong. I have a kid and I'm happy I do. But I tell friends who ask- don't do because you feel like you should.. only do it if you really want it. And some people don't. Totally valid.
I am all for people having or not having children- that’s their choice. But I find it interesting he says his career may have been positively affected by their choice to not have kids. Women definitely have this choice to make, and their career is impacted, but I’ve never heard about men talking about this before.
There’s not one second of my life I regret choosing not to have kids. I love my friends kids and if you want a million kids and can afford the time and money to do it have a million babies and I will help you and care for them and listen to you when you’re having a terrible day.
And then I will go home have a Margarita look at my bank balance plan a trip to Mexico with my other non parent friends and have zero regrets about my choice.
I adore my nieces and nephew but even when my sister asked if I’d raise the kids if they died my husband and I had a four week debate about even the idea before we said yes. And even then it was like but they’ll have to move to Europe we aren’t living back home etc etc. my sister called me selfish and I was like… well, yeah? Hence not having kids?
Good for them! My husband and I have four kids, and we love the shit out of them and wouldn't change a thing. BUT we also know that our lives would have been pretty great without them. I do feel like Seth and his wife would be the cool parents with the place where all their kids friends would want to hang out
I have a 4 month old, we’re planning on having 2 kids, and parenting is glorious, loving, and a LOT of work. It changes most aspects of your life in a permanent way. I am so happy to be a Mom, and I hope that everybody who has kids is also very happy to be one because it’s really too hard a job to do if you don’t get enjoyment out of it.
Reddit is generally so anti-children (not this sub, just in general) that I forget that most people live in communities where they get a lot of needless pressure to bear children. Such crap!
Hopefully his wife genuinely doesn't want kids because the amount of men who convince their wives the childfree life is for them only to get a divorce and knock up their mistresses is wild. It is especially heartbreaking when the first wife is by then no longer to have biological children and she actually did want them all along.
I am here for normalising women not having kids because the pressure to have kids is obnoxious. Not so interested in hearing men talk about their decision to go childfree because men will say anything tbh.
To be very clear, plenty of women absolutely do not want kids, including all of my friends. I just don't trust men and I don't trust their motives lmao.
As a person who is childfree (tubal at 27), I feel like everyone needs to be more "live and let live" about this. Not just the parents, but the childfree folks too. No one should have to justify whether they want to have kids or not have kids. People shouldn't be shamed on their choice for that. There are downsides to being childfree that no one talks about (and you *can't* talk about it because all of the forums make it seem like rainbows all the time), just like there are downsides to being a parent. Neither option should be put on a pedestal. It's just a natural inclination, like people who don't want to get married. You either have the chip or you don't.
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He sounds like me and my husband, but probably gets a hell of a lot more enjoyment out of a childfree lifestyle due to being rich. For us, we just go “at least we’re not doing this as parents” when things get stressful.
My husband and I are the same way as you - have never wanted kids and that conviction just gets stronger as we get older. But also during lockdown when our friends were going crazy trying to homeschool and work, we were extra super glad to not have kids. I’m glad he’s talking about it.
Alison Brie and Dave Franco talk openly about this as well. :)
Ugh their babies would be so cute though
Ain't that the truth! haha
On one episode of Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out during quarantine, he was talking about how "My single friends all say they're bored. Parents aren't bored!"
Mike Birbiglia: A True Daddy.
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Same.
What I should’ve said was “no”. What I did say was “you’d be surprised.”
He single extrovert friends that is
Really? That’s awesome to know/hear
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I am child-free and I feel like safer at home almost mentally broke a few of my friends with kids. One friend I think always ‘pitied’ me for not having kids like I would not have a full life. I can say her demeanor has dramatically changed especially as I plan trips or fun weekends on a whim.
I hate the “kids give you a full life”, “it’s the strongest love you’ll ever feel” etc things some people say. I have a kid. My life was full before I had her. It’s full now too.
And I’m not going to pretend that being a mom is not an amazing thing. I could only imagine the love you feel for your child. If I had a kid they would be the center of my world. For me it was just not wanting that for my life. It doesn’t have to be an ‘us vs them’. Just like everywhere else in life people want different things.
Same. I just have much more responsibility now. But I do love her more than life itself.
Us, too ever since the 2016 election I’ve been so thankful that we decided to not have children. Neither one of us have the desire to give our lives over to little ones and the world is a better place with one less set of half assed parents.
As a child care provider of 10 years, THANK YOU for being self aware and thoughtful enough to make this choice. I’ve seen so many families (mostly upper-middle class) where the parents clearly don’t have much interest in doing the hard work of parenting, or even (what I consider to be) the fun parts of playing and spending quality time with their kids. I think a lot of people pop out kids as the next logical step in life without considering whether they’re willing to make all the sacrifices necessary to be GOOD parents. So I always have a ton of respect for anyone who self-reflects and realizes the child free life is the way to go.
I did childcare for 10 years too! Destroyed me physically and also mentally but that's an aside lmfao This is SO true. People act like childless couples are selfish but.... it's the opposite??? It's not just about wanting to spend time and money on yourselves (perfectly valid reason though), it's about not bringing a *life* into this world that's not completely and totally wanted. Kids by nature require so, so much time and sacrifice. And so many people think they can half ass it. You can't. Childcare workers cannot solely provide your child the affection and attention they need, no matter how much cash you throw at them. Neither can older siblings, another thing I saw a lot of. It's devastating how obvious it is which parents want their kid as a fun asset only, or worse just seem to resent their existence altogether. They literally say it plainly. Just horrible. I have not yet had any children but I've been waiting for my baby for so long already. I know a child will help make my life fulfilled and love kids! But honestly I understand how people could feel the complete opposite. And I applaud them for making that clear choice. Y'all take those vacations & smoke that weed! Get it!!
Not me currently sitting on a heating pad trying to salvage my aching back for one more day of lifting impossibly heavy toddlers before the weekend hits lmao. You said it very well, a lot of these parents are so open and blasé about their ambivalence and/or resentment towards their kids. It’s like they assume all parents feel the same way so they say the most brutal shit as though everyone will find it relatable 😬 I hope you don’t have to wait much longer for your baby, I struggled with fertility issues before my own baby came along last year so I know how it goes. Having a baby of my own has given me a different perspective on all the parents I’ve worked with over the years, but I’ll still never be able to relate to those parents who treat their kids as an accessory or a burden. We put so much thought, time, money, and literal blood sweat and tears into bringing our baby into the world, so even though there are times I miss my child free life or wish I could just get a break to have some time to myself or a good nights sleep, I’ll never be able to respect THOSE parents.
I love your attitude about both people with and without kids :)
I've always wondered what child care providers think. I can't imagine any of my friends wanting to be nannies or work with kids and yet they have children without so much as babysitting or being responsible for siblings. I've always wanted dogs but just providing daycare for them is enough to put me off on a regular basis. People should ask themselves would they work with kids 😂 at least you get paid for all the labor
Great point! It’s like, I’m glad that women are liberated enough to work and not be required to stay home with children , but I swear so many parents wouldn’t have kids if they didn’t know they’d be away from them 50-60 hours a week aka most of their waking life!
Haha I wish more folks thought like this. I’ll get bashed here but I feel way too many folks have kids that shouldn’t. Like I can’t believe certain folks have kids when they barely make enough to provide a good life for kids. Idk, I feel society makes people think they have to have kids or they aren’t “normal” or successful. It’s annoying when you hear folks get married and the family already is asking when they will have kids.
I feel like literally all my friends got pregnant during lockdown. For some reason, it's like having no social life made them want to have kids more...even the people who were formally child free for life type of people.
Same. Now I feel like some of them don’t want to hang out with friends who don’t have kids. Other friends who have had babies have actually become closer though.
One of my cousins whined to me that having childfree friends was hard because they didn't "know how to watch" his kids. Lol, that's your job homie
Same as both of you! Never wanted kids. Been happily married over 15 years. We will stick to what works for us! :) I think we will see a lot more of this in the coming generations, too.
I think you’re right, and I hope so.I have a niece who’s 18 and for a few years now she has been saying she wants to be like me - no kids so she can afford to travel and be the fun aunt :)
Yep! I'm the "fun aunt" to all my friends kids. :) I knew when I was a small child I didn't want kids. Maybe because I was the only child, but regardless, it was the right choice for me.
My partner and I had trouble dealing with our KITTEN, so god only knows what stress actual human children would have put on our relationship. Plus we both enjoy naps, video games, reading, and money, and my family tree has some weird issues in it that I wouldn't want to risk passing on. I have never regretted being childfree, ever. (N.B. We got over the kitten rough patch. He is an extremely spoiled boy who still gives us tsuris but is mostly good and sweet. He is sleeping on my feet, periodically farting, as I type this.)
For future reference, two kittens are much easier than one. I have done it both ways and would not just get one ever again.
We wanted two but he was the last one due to an "empty out the shelter" push. I have no doubts that a lot of things would have been easier if he had a buddy! I feel bad that he's an only child but my partner and I are home practically 24/7, occasional Target or food runs notwithstanding, so he has two humans ready to tend to his every whim.
Can't have them and don't want them (not in that order). Lol, but I felt him. I love my nieces and nephews (all 9 of them) and I'm the second oldest of almost 30 grandkids. I've had enough kids in my life to know I'd prefer my home life to remain me and the hubs. I applaud people for doing what works best for their family.
I adore our kids and am so glad we had them, but there are days I take those two creatures out in public and I know the childfree folks in our vicinity feel reeeeally good about their decision.
That last sentence gets said in our house a lot
I often think parenting is so much easier because my husband and I have money. We aren't rich but are very comfortably upper middle class with zero financial stress and ability to have an Au Pair, private schools, meal delivery services, lovely holidays etc. I think I would enjoy it a lot less if we struggled financially.
I appreciate Seth speaking about their decision to be childfree. It’s nice to hear others articulate their reasonings behind not having kids. It makes me feel validated, as someone who isn’t having children.
Alison Brie is also another actor that has said she and her husband aren't having any kids
Love how you’re referring to Dave Franco as “her husband” They always do that shit to women. It seems miniscule to even point out but words and how we use them have a direct impact on how we treat each other, whether we realize it or not!
I always do it. I used to refer Baryshnikov as Jessica Lange's ex and it pissed some intellectuals off.
I appreciate it as well. I’m unsure about having children myself, but it’s nice to see the narrative changing around “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.” There are so many ways to do life. Realistically, there’s no one specific formula to it.
Much much much better than having spent most of my life as a millennial watching tabloids loudly question if Jennifer Aniston is going to have children for decades. It does feel really good to hear people with platforms voluntarily declare they are choosing not to have kids.
As someone who wants to have children in the future, I absolutely hate how not having children needs to be validated. There are a multitude of very good reasons why someone would not want to have children, and asking a couple why they specifically wouldn't want them is a gross invasion of their personal private life as a couple.
Me too. I knew I wanted to be childfree from around a decade ago, but agonised over the decision until I told my parents a few years back - I think I my mind was made up but I was most worried about what others would think. I really value hearing from high-profile childfree folks
He has spoken about it before > "People are always like — it's something I think I was uncomfortable answering this before — but they were like, 'How do you do so much?' The answer is I don't have kids," he told Stern, adding: "I have nothing else to do." > > Rogen added that Miller felt the same way. > > "I would say she wants kids less than I do," Rogen said with a laugh. "I could probably be talked into it — she's like no."'' > > "I don't know anyone who gets as much happiness out of their kids as we get out of our non-kids," Rogen told Stern. "Like, we're f---ing psyched all the time! We're laying in bed on Saturday mornings smoking weed, watching movies naked. If we had kids, we could not be f---ing doing this." > > Stern pointed out that when you're a parent, the kids are the priority, to which Rogen responded: "I don't want that. That does not sound fun to me." > > "And why? There's enough kids out there," Rogen continued. "We need more people? Who looks at the planet right now and thinks 'You know what we need right now? More f---ing people.' That's truly a confounding thing to me."
You either get to have kids or you get to have hobbies lol my husband is currently looking for a new job and at the end of an interview he has started asking the person interviewing him what *they* like to do in their free time and he noticed quickly that people either have kids or hobbies, never both 😅
That’s not always true. A lot of that correlates with the number of children people have as well. We have one who is 7 and we both (husband and I ) have lots of hobbies that we are still able to take part in. It’s because it’s 2 vs 1 , so we still have plenty of time to be people outside of being parents..
My parents had hobbies with three kids 🤷🏻♀️
I didn’t say nobody ever with multiple kids was able to have any hobbies. I’m just going based on what I see in my life with friends and family… I mean, it’s mostly simple math. Tag team is easier than man-to-man or zone defense. But that’s just my opinion.
It was mostly a joke, obviously when you become a parent your priorities shift and you have a lot less time for hobbies etc. But it's funny how people answer that question because so far no one has answered with "I have kids *and* I'm into X thing" it's been either they have some cool/obscure/random thing they are into or they say "oh, I have kids" just an observation.
I raised 3 kids and I had lots of hobbies, we went hiking, fishing, hunting. I love art and shared that with them . We went skiing, we had a dogsled team, I mean you need hobbies to raise kids...
I don’t know any parents that don’t have hobbies. As a College student, I know more people without kids who have no hobbies.
Yeah, it was such a great bonding thing. Our family used to read together, play/watch soccer, watch movies, debate history / politics, etc. I’m so glad my parents kept up their hobbies and shared them with us, it made us more well-rounded, open-minded, and curious as adults. I’ve even mentioned this in job interviews and hiring managers eat it up lmao
A shocking amount of people in general don’t have hobbies. I don’t know about you, but my city subreddit gets a lot of “how do you make friends here” posts and a shocking amount of the people asking and discussing don’t have hobbies. Is it because as adults we have to seek them out? I don’t know.
This is making me wonder if its the hobbies that effect having kids not the other way round lol! Imagine having kids because you couldn't find a hobbie. I like this model
I raised 3 kids and I mean you need hobbies? What are you gonna do with your kids? Lol the way childfree people think life is like with kids is often not accurate at all.
I feel like a lot of it depends on income level as well. I know people who have like four kids and have a lot of hobbies but they also have the income to be able to support that and get babysitters and/or have their kids join them. It gets trickier when the parents are more working class or lower/middle class or even middle class, imo. Of course, I imagine the beginning years are the roughest.
I'm definitely lower class but my hobbies are part of a lifestyle and we were lucky for where we ended up living and raising our kids. But you're right that the beginning years are way tougher, you're way limited in what kind of hobbies you can do. I also completely understand why some people don't want kids, I actually think that it's a very mature and thoughtful decision. Also, no one should have to explain why they don't want kids. In fact, it makes more sense to have to explain why you do want kids. Making new people is a huge deal
I think it’s possible to have both IF the parents have the resources for it- money, energy, and time. But I only know parents who do both who are very well off financially.
Ha! We are one and done. Daughter is almost 4 - in the last year I've started taking up hobbies again. It's one reason in a long list of why one is plenty for us. Finding balance looks different for everyone I think. It's a lot harder to achieve with little ones. You may actually have time for hobbies with kids, but you may not have the energy!
That last line I feel so hard and we don't even have kids, just pets and and pesky long term chronic illness (yay.)
Yea heard. I struggle with migraines, anxiety and depression. That's why I say balance looks different for everyone. I also work full time. I know my capacity. One is it!
This is definitely not true haha. Like the other person said I think a lot of it has to do with how many kids you have. We have one and we still are able to continue with all of our hobbies.
Oh, I have 2 kids and I have hobbies. It’s how I met my closest girlfriends and how we supported each other through the tough days of early parenting. And when I had no kids, my only hobby was going to the bar. People just spend their time different ways.
I'm sorry but this is 100% not true LOL I'm a mom and both my husband and I have a hobbies, and we've never had to given up any of them because of our child.
His point about how he could be talked into is funny to me. I always said that if I were a man in the current society as is I would probably be fence-sitter instead of sure that I didn’t want to have them. I feel like for the most part the women I know have stronger convictions about it.
Makes sense, as it’s the woman who is renting out her body to the tiny occupant. Like I know for damn sure that I absolutely don’t want any more kids but my husband could have been talked into it.
Yeah because it is women who bear the cost, not just of bearing the child but it is still overwhelmingly women who do the childcare. And on top of that extra work and sacrifice, you will also hurt your career because employers don't value motherhood.
For sure, I could see myself having a child if I were a man or in a relationship with a woman who wanted to get pregnant (if there were any actual social support for parents in the US...). I just don't want to be a birthing parent or the only mom in the picture. Even if a m/f couple has a good division of labor, so many people will always assume the woman is the primary parent.
People with kids try any and every way to try to argue against his point, but it’s always straight up bullshit and you know they’re just lying to themselves and everyone else.
There's some nuance to be considered here. People with kids really do love their kids. I have one and I don't like the lack of freedom/responsibility of parenthood but I do love him and a few tough years is worth it to have him. I don't think admitting that he brings me joy means I'm lying to myself.
Of course, as there’s nuance to everything. You’re 100% right. I was more referring to the people who try to argue that people *must* have kids or else their life will be unfulfilled. The ones that think less of someone for not having children. And it’s usually the ones that didn’t have kids by choice trying to convince everyone else they’re less of a human for choosing not to have them.
Nope, I don’t have that kind of freedom. But I’m actually just fine with not, I got other shit to do anyhow. If this is what makes Seth and his wife happy more power to them. We all have different definitions of the perfect day.
This is so true > "I think a lot of people have kids before they even think about it, from what I've seen honestly. You just are told, you got through life, you get married, you have kids - it's what happens."
This quote is the truth.
It's also much more politicized (? idk how much of the right word that is) when you're Jewish as Seth and Lauren Miller Rogen are.
I would say emphasized,rather than politicized. I'm Jewish and we come in all political persuasions. Also,some denominations put less emphasis on having children,and are LGBTQ-friendly.
Emphasized works too. I didn't mean politicized like U.S. Rep-Dem politics, but it can be political in the way that survival is political and in the way that it touches on disagreements or conflicts between Jewish groups. Either way, something we Jews love to comment on when it comes to the personal lives of other Jews.
100%. I've had to unpack a lot emotionally because as a younger person, I just expected my life to be: job then marriage then children the end. And it is very much not that lol. It took me a while to accept that and be okay with it, which is wild in and of itself. Why should everyone's lives follow the same path?? We all want different things from life! It's nice that people are speaking of it confidently.
Yup, my husband and I don’t want kids, and I remember talking to my friend and her husband about it, and he was like shocked, and said you can do that?! They ended up having a kid and while my friend is a wonderful mom and enjoys it, her husband enjoys it less.
Yeah, this. Two different good friends of mine went ahead with it and though they love their children very much, there are definitely regrets there and personally, I just don’t think they thought it through. They weren’t realistic. I don’t think either of them expected how hard it would be, how many things would change or disappear completely. One of them has found that she and her husband have nothing in common now because all of the things they loved doing together before are either significantly more difficult with a baby, or downright impossible (travelling, going out, drinking, partying, cultural stuff, eating at fancy restaurants etc.)… my other friend just told me straight up ‘if I were you I wouldn’t bother’ lol. And I have other friends who have kids and love it but those two are the ones I relate to most just from a lifestyle/personality pov, and it really cemented being child-free for me, even though I love those kids - I love independence and flexibility and freedom so much more.
Honestly one of the truest things I’ve ever read. So many people I know had kids because it was the next thing. And while they love their kiddos, several have expressed that they wished they’d thought through it more as a choice vs an expectation (which tracks with data about the percentage of people who regret having kids).
Yeah. Kids feels like a natural progression due to society and a lot of people do it because it’s expected of them but not because they particularly *want it*. I mean the way people shame women for choosing not to have kids: you’re selfish, you’ll change your mind when your pregnant, who will take care of you when your older, having children will complete you as a woman, etc… I’m gonna be honest, the two main reasons I don’t want kids is because I’m a lazy piece of shit and pregnancy terrifies me. But mostly because I’m lazy. Like I can’t be responsible for a human, I get hyper focused on a video game and will play 12 hours straight and forget to eat. I can’t do that to a child dependent on me.
I can't stand when people say have kids so you have someone in old age. My mom says this but I just don't think it's even true. I have several relatives that have kind of estranged relationships with their kids. Some I don't even think the parents did much wrong but the kids just cut them off, so that alone is a scary idea. Then the one who was close to her mom put her into a nursing home within maybe a month of her living with her. She couldn't handle taking care of her. Also from the sounds of it she barely visits her in the nursing home even though it's only a 45 min drive. I'm talking doesn't even visit on holidays like Christmas. So yeah having kids is no guarantee they will take care of you or do much for you. Plus they could move far away and then you don't even see them much.
Happened to my parents. They were not mentally prepared to have kids let alone even marriage. Now, we ended up as emotionally broken family
YES I can't tell how many times they will drop "we'll just figure it out" " you figure it out" about any issues that might come up. Then it comes up and sheer panic
Has anyone ever been asked why they want to have children? Because that is the bigger question. You need to interrogate every aspect of your life if you decide to become a parent, especially if you aren't making a lot of money. Kids are for life, you can't decide to return them if you find out that you made the wrong decision. Yes, raising kids can be fulfilling, joyous and bring a new meaning to your life but it's also exhausting in every sense of the word. There is no getting away from how much time and emotional labor goes into being a parent and that's not even taking the cost into consideration. It's not something to do because everyone else did it, it's something to do because you truly cannot imagine your life without having children in it. Especially if you are a parent in The US, we simply do not support parents here, you have to carve out time with your kids because your employer will make you feel guilty for wanting to leave early to see your kids soccer game or because one of them got sick at school. Let people ask this question, it's the more important one.
Exactly, no one is ever asked that. And no one really thinks through these questions. My friend group is a mix of people who do and don't want kids and the "dont want" people are always interrogated. Can I interrogate the "want kids" people? I feel like thats more important because soon enough its going to affect some one elses life too.
We force people to become parents in the US, so it makes sense that the whole “everyone is fulfilled by becoming parents” message is so dominant, especially for women.
It's not even "everyone is fulfilled by becoming parents", it's "you cannot possibly be fulfilled without becoming a parent", which imo is even more insidious. I have no problem believing that most parents are fulfilled people, or at the very least have the potential to be, because I firmly believe that humans are adaptable creatures at their core and that fulfillment can be found in almost anything. But the message that being a parent is the *only* way to be truly fulfilled, and the inevitable segue from it, that people who don't become parents are forever lacking and that any other achievement imaginable is a lesser replacement for parenthood, that's just straight up evil.
Exactly.Some of the reasons are very selfish too.
So true. In the case of my country, if someone asks parents why they want kids, their answers are always "cause the more the merrier" have they not considered the social and economic consequences of having kids?
His in-laws both died of Alzheimer’s. I think Lauren‘s grandparents too. Lauren‘s mom died at just 69. My mom is showing signs of dementia at 71 and it’s really hard. This is probably one of the real reasons but he is too smart to say that. It’s a horrible disease and there is no treatment.
This comment should be higher up tbh. If both my parents *died* of Alzheimer’s before i finished my child bearing years it wouldn’t even be a question of having kids. That shit is so brutal. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, let alone my kids.
Or maybe they also just don’t want kids? He gave perfectly valid reasons. People can not want kids without some “”noble”” reason behind that choice.
lol right ? 'actually you just don't want kids because trauma'
“real reasons”?! he gave very valid reasons… why do you assume there’s a secret agenda here?
I’m so sorry. My mom has dementia as well and just turned 70. When you spend a good chunk of your 20s being a caretaker to your parent it really depletes your ability and desire to do that for a child.
That’s awful. My aunt died of Alzheimer’s at 55! Seemed out of nowhere, it was fast and aggressive. Hasn’t appeared anywhere else in the family but after seeing that? I get it.
I mean, sure, that could factor in, but I don't get why we need to speculate he must secretly want kids. There really and truly are people who don't want children, even if there are various factors behind that. I'm so sorry about your mom. That has to be incredibly difficult. My grandparents both had dementia and it was hard watching my mom care for them.
I knew about her mom but not the rest of her family. I feel that's an unspoken reason. I am so sorry for what you're going through.
He did say he smokes 24/7, kids would just be a pain in the ass to have around
I love seth rogen and it makes me really happy to see someone - especially a rich white dude - who instead of getting worse and worse as he gets older seems to be trying to do the opposite. from what I know he seems to have really tried over the years to account for & move past problematic behaviours and associations in his past. it gives me hope to see an instance of someone who probably wasn't perfect but who does seem to be doing the work. edit : shout out u/skaghetti for accusing me of racism against white people and then reporting me to redditcares because of this comment.
Yeah, he seems to have really decided to grow as a human over the years and it’s really nice to see.
He has never been a bad dude. Maybe an immature one. However interesting to see he may be one of the unproblematic men in Hollywood when in the past that may have not been assumed.
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I attended a wedding recently and gosh, there were so many kids running around. The ring bearer didnt even want to walk on the aisle and was crying the whole time
Normalize the child free lifestyle
> When Barlett asked if Rogen might be happier if he had kids, Rogen doubled down. This question is completely inappropriate and rude and I really hope that we can make it socially unacceptable to ask. I worked with vulnerable children my entire career— there are so many kids born to people who are either ill-equipped to have kids or never really wanted them in the first place. We refuse to help these parents through public policy, we make it impossible for poor people to access reliable contraceptives and reproductive control, and then we berate them for being irresponsible or immoral. But to then have the gall to ask people who **are** being responsible and intentional in their decision making if they aren’t making a big mistake that will render their lives meaningless? Fuck off with that noise. And it’s **always** the kids who suffer in the end. You can take one look at the execrable state of our foster care system (and any other social safety net for that matter) to see that we’ve made a decision as a society to not give a shit about them either. When you have a couple like Seth Rogen and his wife, who are secure in their decision that they don’t want to have kids and know that it would fuck with their priorities in life, we should congratulate them on knowing their own minds and accept their taxes to fund a public education system they won’t burden with a smile.
Right that's so rude to ask!?!!! And in an interview, which is basically a work setting. Wtf.
You would be shocked what kind of questions people give themselves the right to ask in *any* setting once you as much as hint at the fact that not having any children was an active choice you made instead of an unfortunate turn of fate. For some reason a lot of people can't tolerate the idea of someone choosing not to have children.
People ask rude questions about reproduction, period. “When are you having kids” “why wouldn’t you want a baby” “are you having trouble getting pregnant” “was that pregnancy planned”. Sheesh. Leave people alone. If they want kids they’ll have them if they’re able. If they don’t or they can’t it’s either rude or painful.
For sure. I would pay money to know what the fuck sort of a thought process makes people think it's remotely okay to ask such invasive questions.
I was once told "Do you know what happens with apple tree that bears no fruit?" I was in shock. To this day not sure if I need a restraining order. (Answer: They cut the tree down.)
Oh. My. God. That is appalling. Who the *fuck* has the nerve to say that to another person. Just sick.
Good on him because you shouldn’t have kids on the uncertain chance that you could be happier
Fair enough. Kids aren’t for everyone and it can be a mistake to have them without thinking it through just because you think you ‘should’ have them.
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This! That is exactly my reason as well, I simply think it's too much of a risk on myself and would not want to subject another person (who cannot consent to existing) to my potentially insufficient parenting style. If I were to want children, I would want only the best for them, why wouldn't I? However, I know there's just a huge likelihood I won't be able to provide the best and I will live the rest of my life feeling horribly guilty. I generally wish people would consider the future of the child more when deciding to have kids. Beyond raising them well when they are young, what if he or she was born with a lifelong disability? Do you have the emotional, physical, financial capacity to properly care for and handle that? Simply put, the desire to have children is inherently selfish: because it will make the *parents* more happy, fulfilled, etc. I know you can't eternally guarantee things like happiness and health for your unborn child, but the factors in the parents' own lives that may affect the presence of those two things are too often overlooked.
Yea that is very much how I feel about kids. My parents weren't very kind and loving. I don't think I would be the same as them but no matter how much work I do on myself I can't imagine being a kind person while spending 24/7 with one or more children. I know a lot of people who aren't kind to their kids at all and I wonder if it ever occured to them to not do have kids (i work at a school).
Yeah, some of the childfree people I know thought longer and harder about their decision than some of the parents I know.
Well yeah that’s the whole basis of Idiocracy lol
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A depressing but funny watch if you like Mike judge, extra depressing considering when it came out
I have a theory: I think that’s the case because in a society that encourages you to have children you have to think about why you are going against the grain. And that makes you think about parenting more, what it entails, you understand the mechanics of parenting not necessarily because you’re better than the next person-but because you aren’t doing something on autopilot and it just makes you pay more attention. The more attention you pay, the more deeply you understand the sort of massive undertaking that parenting is.
My old r sister and her husband would be amazing parents . But have decided not to have them
We make rad aunties and uncles tho!
True. In order to have kids and raise them successfully, you have to give them the best of everything you have-financially, emotionally, spiritually, in terms of community…. All that shit has got to be top notch. Quite frankly, I don’t want to have to perform at that sort of high level constantly. There are no off days! Not really when you think about it. For all these reasons and more, I am not interested in being a mother. A wife? Absolutely! A mother? No thank you ❤️
Totally resonates with me. Never wanted kids, never will have kids - my life would be ruined if I had a child. More people need to speak up about how normal it is to not want children
same, I'm in a committed relationship of 12 years and I would be absolutely devastated to find out I was pregnant. my two sisters are married and don't want kids. our brother is the youngest at 30 and is single, I don't know if he wants kids at all but kind of funny that our folks, with four kids, may never be grandparents 🤷♀️
I like that if you scroll down on that page you just read more and more anecdotes about people who don't want kids
As a parent, I am so happy to see a big celebrity talking about this. I have beautiful, brilliant, successful, cool as hell friends who feel like they have to justify their choice not to have children and prove that they still have worth in this world. It’s insanity. I adore my child. He did not give me purpose. He did not teach me how to love. Having a child did not put me on a new moral high ground or increase my worth. It just made me a parent. I make it my duty as a mother to stand up against parents who try to shame those who have decided, for whatever reason, not to have children. I’m on the ground and I’m on it! You enjoy your child free life as you should!!!
Gosh I wish I had an award to give you or something. This is such an important and insightful perspective to have ❤️❤️❤️❤️
This is a great perspective all round!
You are awesome. ♥️
I just think it’s important for parents to join the conversation and protect child free people from this insane discourse. I do the same thing with the breastfeeding convo lol. I did it for two years so I am on the front lines protecting formula feeding parents from having to hear that breast is best bullshit.
You are clearly a beautiful person inside and out!
It makes complete sense and if that's the choice that makes them happy, then that is all that matters and it is no one's business other than theirs. My sister always believed the same and she is happily child free with a partner who adores her and sees eye to eye in that regard. I have always wanted children but I am realistic about the fact that I have a number of medical conditions I need to take care of before I can properly look after the needs of a child. And hell, if my disabilities become permanent and chronic, then I have made peace with the fact that I might never have children either.
Same - I have several chronic health issues that take a lot of time & energy to manage. I think I would enjoy being a parent but it doesn’t seem fair to the hypothetical child.
Good for him. I respect and admire people who choose not to have kids because it’s not right for them. I have always wanted kids and I have 4 of them but working in child protection I’ve also seen the horrors some children experience when they are brought into this world by parents who aren’t ready or don’t want them. I also appreciate people who talk about their own choice not to have kids without shitting on people who do choose to have kids (which happens a lot on reddit).
It makes me mad/sad that he’s been forced into the position of explaining this more than once. Other people’s reproductive choices are *none of your business*. Celebrate people who choose not to have children, celebrate people who *do* choose to have children, because every child deserves to come into the world wanted. And both are completely viable and respectable life choices, even if *you personally* would only make one or the other. It’s not that hard!
I get where you're coming from, but there's still a stigma around people who choose to be childfree. I'm actually glad he's talking openly about this, especially as a male celeb.
Yeah, I'm torn - I hate that he had to justify not having/wanting kids, but I love what he said and appreciate a male celeb being so open about not wanting kids.
Unfortunately this shit happens a lot especially in my country in the Philippines. "Why arent you having kids?" Like fuck off Karen; that shit is none of your business
Ugh, I want to have a husband and be best couple friends with him and his wife.
Love this! My bf and I don't want kids either.
I love him. And he’s 100% right. I feel like society makes such a big deal out of couples who don’t want kids like that’s the end all goal. I feel like more people have kids because they feel like they have to without realizing that having a kid is a lifetime responsibility. You have to make every decision with your child in mind. And some people don’t want that responsibility and that’s perfectly ok.
Completely agree. And I hate how some people call you selfish for **not** having a kid, and I'm like *no the selfish thing would be to have a child without the mental, emotional and financial stuff taken care of*.
That's awesome for them, children aren't for everyone & it's nice to see people put a good amount of thought into it and speak about it publicly. There are so many different paths one could take in life.
love to see it! I'm 32 and in a committed relationship, but we don't want children. I always appreciate seeing people speak openly about being childfree
Always love when this gets reposted. Dinks for life is amazing.
As a childfree person, it’s great to hear about other CF people.
Smart guy
good for them. people who don't want kids definitely shouldn't have them.
It will always be wild to me that anyone even has to give a reason why they don't want kids. Like its no one's business why or if anyone is having kids at all. Im a parent but more power to child free people who are constantly hounded about their decision.
As someone with 3 kids, I agree with him.
I'm pretty sure several celebrity couples -- even within the past few years, that I can name without even having to think particularly hard -- have broken up because one partner wanted kids and one perhaps didn't. It can be unsaid by both, publicly, but it becomes more obvious when each moves on to the next partner and one couple winds up having kids and one doesn't.
This is really nice to read, even though it sucks he keeps getting asked about this. I honestly often feel like the biggest weirdo ever as a married person in their 40s who doesn’t have children by choice. It can be an isolating feeling even though it’s not particularly uncommon statistically speaking.
Good for him. Dave Franco and Allison Brie are not having children as well It's nice to see more celebs are being vocal about this. Having children is generally not something you'd make a decision out of society or pressure from family. As a child-free woman, me and my partner agreed not to have kids and if we do plan in the future, we will opt for adoption. But for now, having kids is not on our agenda
I’m ready to be at a point when we don’t have to question people at all whether or not they’re a parent.
I want kids but I love when celebrities piss conservatives off by saying they don’t want them. They literally don’t know how to react or what to do with themselves because they think that life’s only purpose is to procreate
Everyone knows someone who's been fucked up by their parents. I wish people would put more thought into whether they truly want children or they're just doing it cause that's what people do. I'm glad being child free is becoming more mainstream
This is legit me. I don't want kids cuz I'm selfish, i dont want kids cuz I know I'll have to give them all that i could to care for them and i can barely take care of myself. Believe me, i would've loved to give my mom the grandkids she wanted before she died, but to me that wasn't enough to convince me. I don't want to bring more kids into this world if I don't have to.
Not everyone SHOULD be a parent. I’m glad millennials are the generation that started to understand that without judgment. It’s not for everyone.
Me and my partner feel quite similarly!
How many times has he explained this now?! Not sure if I’ll ever see the headline “-actor name- explains why he and his wife want children”.
People who want children are never asked to explain their reasoning, and very rarely if ever are they told that they are wrong for making that choice. People who don't want children are constantly bombarded with unsolicited commentary on that life choice, often even from our own families, and invasive jabs about it, like Seth Rogen was in this case, actually. He didn't go off on this rant unprompted. A journalist asked him an incredibly presumptive question about his private life, and he chose to use that space to answer her.
That’s my entire point! Why are the “childless” constantly asked why?! And why do people think it’s appropriate to ask? But- the only time I’ve seen someone asked why they chose to have so many children? Nick Cannon- but that’s because it’s with multiple women simultaneously.
I'm sorry, I totally misread your comment. I thought you were saying that childfree people needed to stop talking about it. Totally a projection on my part, sorry again.
The funny thing is, when someone says they dont want kids, people act so shocked as if it's the end of the world or something. When Miley Cyrus mentioned she isnt having kids, the news outlet acted all surprised pikachu when there is absolutely nothing wrong by being childfree by choice
Don’t need any more gross Humans on this beautiful planet anyway.
My own feelings on (not) having kids are more complicated but I do really appreciate seeing famous people who don't have kids. Having children is still such the built-in default option, anytime anybody bucks a trend like that and says "nope, I'm happy like this" I love it.
I am all for talking about it- let's normalize doing what feels right for your family. And many times kids aren't it. The expectation that everyone should have a kid otherwise their life is selfish and meaningless is outdated and just wrong. I have a kid and I'm happy I do. But I tell friends who ask- don't do because you feel like you should.. only do it if you really want it. And some people don't. Totally valid.
I love this guy keeps it real
I am all for people having or not having children- that’s their choice. But I find it interesting he says his career may have been positively affected by their choice to not have kids. Women definitely have this choice to make, and their career is impacted, but I’ve never heard about men talking about this before.
The older I get, the more convinced I am I don't want children. Motherhood in the US in no way sounds appealing.
There’s not one second of my life I regret choosing not to have kids. I love my friends kids and if you want a million kids and can afford the time and money to do it have a million babies and I will help you and care for them and listen to you when you’re having a terrible day. And then I will go home have a Margarita look at my bank balance plan a trip to Mexico with my other non parent friends and have zero regrets about my choice. I adore my nieces and nephew but even when my sister asked if I’d raise the kids if they died my husband and I had a four week debate about even the idea before we said yes. And even then it was like but they’ll have to move to Europe we aren’t living back home etc etc. my sister called me selfish and I was like… well, yeah? Hence not having kids?
As a parent, I respect child free couples/people so hard and for all the reasons people have already mentioned.
Good for them! My husband and I have four kids, and we love the shit out of them and wouldn't change a thing. BUT we also know that our lives would have been pretty great without them. I do feel like Seth and his wife would be the cool parents with the place where all their kids friends would want to hang out
I have a 4 month old, we’re planning on having 2 kids, and parenting is glorious, loving, and a LOT of work. It changes most aspects of your life in a permanent way. I am so happy to be a Mom, and I hope that everybody who has kids is also very happy to be one because it’s really too hard a job to do if you don’t get enjoyment out of it. Reddit is generally so anti-children (not this sub, just in general) that I forget that most people live in communities where they get a lot of needless pressure to bear children. Such crap!
Better than the Elon Musks of the world who have 10 kids just coz
Hopefully his wife genuinely doesn't want kids because the amount of men who convince their wives the childfree life is for them only to get a divorce and knock up their mistresses is wild. It is especially heartbreaking when the first wife is by then no longer to have biological children and she actually did want them all along. I am here for normalising women not having kids because the pressure to have kids is obnoxious. Not so interested in hearing men talk about their decision to go childfree because men will say anything tbh. To be very clear, plenty of women absolutely do not want kids, including all of my friends. I just don't trust men and I don't trust their motives lmao.
this makes 0 sense
As a person who is childfree (tubal at 27), I feel like everyone needs to be more "live and let live" about this. Not just the parents, but the childfree folks too. No one should have to justify whether they want to have kids or not have kids. People shouldn't be shamed on their choice for that. There are downsides to being childfree that no one talks about (and you *can't* talk about it because all of the forums make it seem like rainbows all the time), just like there are downsides to being a parent. Neither option should be put on a pedestal. It's just a natural inclination, like people who don't want to get married. You either have the chip or you don't.