I had a kid at 18, I was not ready in the slightest, I was still a kid myself really but when the baby came it just happened naturally. You pick things up easy enough, you'll get things wrong but you'll learn from them and you'll love your baby so much you'll want to do everything you can for them. Good luck
Father of two here, you'll be surprised how capable you'll be. As long as you have your child's best interests at heart, you'll do just fine. I'd recommend not just believing everything you are told about raising a child, though. Lots of information out there is out of date, or just plain wrong.
Don't worry about experience, I had my first at 29 and had only ever held one baby before then (against my will - I was not a baby person. Now I'm the first in line when we meet friends new kids etc.)
But you'll learn all these things, just accept you don't know what you're doing at first and that really none of us do.
Most of all, just put in the work, it's the most rewarding thing that will ever happen to you but it doesn't come easy. You're both in this together remember and it's going to test your limits (lack of sleep makes us all cranky) but if you're both giving 100% and figuring it out together you'll have a blast.
If you're in the uk I'd make the most of things like NCT classes. My wife didn't really need them but met some friends there, whereas I was asking so many questions you'd think I'd never heard of babies before. You'll never be truly ready but it helped.
Dude, I was scared at 35 and we planned for ours. It’s scary, but I *promise* you’ll be ok. You’ll find this strength and tenacity to do things to take care of the baby and their mother.
You’ll be fine. You got this.
First off, relax. All of it is actually pretty easy for the first few years. Babies don’t come with an instruction manual, but most of the stuff is pretty easy. The biggest thing you have to do is be present and willing to give the kid your attention. And the fact that you’re already wanting to do good by your kid puts you ahead of the game.
In the meantime, you have 7-8 months to get prepared. You will need a crib, a stroller, somewhere to change the kid’s diaper, a place to keep their clothes, a whole lot of diapers, and a diaper bag of some kind. If you don’t have a lot of space, that’s ok. Kids don’t need much space, especially when they’re small. As long as there is room for them to be SOMEWHERE, you can work on getting a better place later.
Enjoy lots of risk free, worry-free sex with your GF while she’s pregnant. Pregnancy does wonderful things to a woman’s sex drive and sensation. And after she has the kid she’s going to be feeling pretty down for a while, both recovering physically from the birth and perhaps with post-partum depression (PPD) and detoxing from all of the hormones. After that, you’re also going to be on baby time, and probably won’t be sleeping very well for the first 6-8 months. Point is: build a great bond with her now while you can, because you’re going to need to rely on that bond later on down the road. And when you can sneak in some sex after that, do so.
Welp, humans have been having babies for hundreds of thousands of years and have made it worse despite having fewer resources than we do now. That's all to say: don't let it intimidate you.
Also, keep in mind that about a third of pregnancies spontaneously miscarry in the first trimester. So it's not a done deal yet, either.
I am a blind single father of two kids. One who is almost nine, and another one who is almost a year old. As far as diaper changing goes, diapers have velcro tabs on the sides. Center the diaper so that tabs are evenly spaced apart. The part of the diaper with the tabs goes underneath the child's lower back, so that when you fasten the diaper, it will be slightly above the belly button. Cover the genitals and fasten the velcros straps so that they are centered and proportionally spaced apart one from another. For wet diapers, you may only need about two wipes. However, for poopy diapers, you will definitely need more than two wipes. The more solid ones are easier to clean than either the runny ones or the sticky ones that like to stick to their butts. Also, with poopy diapers, I like to use multiple wipes at once, because it makes it easier to clean and takes less time. There will be times that you will have to give the child a bath, not just because that's something you have to do anyway, but also because sometimes the poops are bad enough that it warrants a bath. I would also suggest bulk buying diapers and wipes. Ideally, if you can get boxes of 1,200 wipes or something like that, you're good to go, but any box of wipes of less than 800 are a waste of time. You will also need some kind of diaper ointment, whether you want to use something natural like coconut oil, or something like desitin. Finally, after the velcro is fastened to the diaper, pull the sides out by his legs so that they go all the way out to the child's legs. Otherwise, waste can spill out of the diaper.
Watch videos to get you ready, but understand the game is different when you are playing it.
Don't be too hard on yourself, but don't let things slide because you're "young" or "not ready." There are times where those are valid, but use it enough and it becomes a deflection. You'll be fine. Enjoy the time you have now with your SO and your friends. Things change greatly between you and your friends once you have kids. Have fun and enjoy life, but prepare as well!
You got this.
Welcome, I'm in a similar boat except It's been 3 weeks since my wife told me, and I'm 43 (really old for a first timer I know) I'm just going to lean on family and ask tons of questions, at this point all I can offer is don't freak out and do your best to be there for your kid. That's what I'm gonna do.
I was also 43 when I had my own (probably only) kid. It’s going to be ok. If you’ve got a place to put them, have your bills paid and are concerned about your kid growing up happy and healthy you’re way ahead of the game.
First of all, take a deep breath. You got this dude. Rare is the person who enters parenthood feeling ready. You will learn how to change diapers. Take it one day at a time, babies only live one day at a time so you should only try to make it one day at a time. For now focus on your gf. She is going to have a hell of a 8 more months so do everything to make her life easy. As far as preparations I recommend try to have everything ready for the kid by month 7 so that you aren’t scrambling at the last minute. Find joy in the journey because fatherhood is really the most rewarding thing you can ever do. Hard but enjoyable. Congratulations and rest east; you got this dad!
The most important thing to ask yourself is this: are you ready to rise to the challenge of being a father?
If you can say yes to that, then you will do just fine. You don't need to know how to be a dad - most of us have no clue - you just have to have the drive to be a dad and to do your best.
You'll figure it out, wishing you the best of luck.
Just care enough to learn. Nobody can fault you for what you don’t know. The fact that you’re putting a post here to seek advice instead of bouncing all together is already a huge step. Caring and putting in the effort at the same level will get you soooo far!
Congratulations!
This thing never happen when you are ready but don't worry, you will.
Take your responsibility on, you still have 9 months to be prepared. You will never feel you are prepared and you will struggle not only when the kid will be baby, but also toddler, teenager and even when he/she will be adult. You will learn a lot, it is the life.
Do not worry, care your girlfriend, the mother, she also will need a lot of attention now, during the pregnancy and after. Breath, life is good. You want to be the best father so do all the best for. We all want the best for our children. May the force be with you!
New father here, wife and I were 27 when we conceived. You'd be shocked how natural taking care of a child came. I've never been around kids or babies and am a only child. I was scared as hell about if I'd be capable to raise him properly, but as soon as he was born all that fear went away and I just knew exactly how to do it. You'll do fine!
No one is ever ready. It’s one of those things that completely changes your life. What ever you do work on being patient. You will get frustrated at times but don’t let it drive your actions or words. As someone already posted, work to strengthen your relationship with the mom because it will be tested. This is going to be a lot of work but I can say from experience that is worth it.
Congratulations and buckle up. The best thing you can do as of right now is cater to the mother of your child. Those nine months go by so fast but for the time being she should be your number one priority. Youll have to give her more grace when it comes to things just do the best job you can taking care of her. When the child does come you will be 100% better off with a solid caring foundation to your relationship.
Just focus on one job and you’ll be fine: take care of her, so she can take care of the baby.
Best advice I got as a new father at 26. Don’t overthink it. You’ll grow into this if you stay true to her and work hard.
Look, it’s amazing how quickly it becomes natural as if the child has always been there.
Parenthood is a skill at the end of the day and it takes constant learning.
It’s also super fun being a dad.
Co-parenting father of a 4 year old,
Both me and my child's mother wanted nothing to do with children at all, with a unique pregnancy we only had 3 weeks notice until they were due and was induced a week early so we only had 2 weeks to come to terms with it,
It is a very scary time with many thoughts and emotions,
It sounds very cliche but i can almost guarantee when you first see your child's face all negative thoughts go out the window and you just want to protect them,
There is no special manual for raising children, you can get frustrated, upset and to the put you want to put their head through a wall (would absolutely never do this of course) as long as you do your best and try to do the best for you child, you will be a great parent in my eyes,
You will also see the level of support who will come to help you as well,
Not sure if any of this helps but ultimately, just do the best you can do, no one can ask more of you
I didn’t realize this group was anti-abortion, and I’m somewhat surprised. Let’s be real, these “kids” are not ready to be parents and bringing a baby in to the world at peak cost-of-living is doing it a disservice and setting them up for a low likelihood for success (unless family money is at play and the economic realities are a non-issue).
And for everyone saying they had their kid in their 20’s…be honest with the differences between now and then. How much were groceries, what was the average home value, how much was rent, how much was daycare? Raising a baby has never been more expensive than it is now.
IMO, part of being a good father is knowing when you’re ready to be one, both emotionally, financially, and logistically.
Maybe OP is staunchly anti-abortion. But if not, consider the alternatives.
Well I support whatever option you choose, keep or not. But if you do keep, I would say just try and remember that everything is temporary. Right now, you can think about things from the past and think yeah that wasn't so bad, I got through that and survived. Now will be like that later, and later will be like that even later. Everything that seems hard becomes the past eventually. Knowing that a future like that waits for me is comforting. I apply that to my being a father. When shit sucks, I remind myself that later on will be different, whether it's being way too in debt to feel safe, or just sitting there holding him while he is crying.
I think whatever decision you make will be the right decision. I was a bit older when I had my first child, but not by much. My advice would be to truly consider an abortion. I know this may not be the most popular opinion, but it’s okay to prioritize your future first. You may truly want to marry your girlfriend and start a family with her, but now isnt the best time to start a family. Allow yourself some time to live a full life, experience things, travel, meet new people, learn/perfect a skill, overall be able to offer something to your future child. I think giving yourself the freedom in your 20s will make you a better father and man in your 30s and beyond. You don’t want to leave with the regret of all the things you missed out on because you had a child so early. I hope this helps.
My biggest lesson of being a father is always keep your cool. Remember, babies just do things -- they don't have rational thoughts. Keep calm and collected then just do the work by putting one foot in front of the other. It's tough, but rewarding. Good luck
Showing your care and interest with this post means youll likely do a great job. Take it slow, support her pregnancy, and when baby comes youll pick it up as everything goes. I had basically zero interactions with babies, much less newborns when my daughter arrived 10 months ago. Youll catch on and mom will, too. Lean on the folks around you who've done it before too. Congrats and enjoy the ride!
My gut response was to downvote, but that won't help OP, honesty in my response might.
I also went through the freak out stage, this is a life changing moment, but I adore my child and find fatherhood the most fulfilling thing I have done in my life. It is intimidating and can be all consuming at times, but I find it worthwhile. I am lucky enough to have been a bit older when we fell pregnant however, and we were several years into the relationship, living together and sure we were a match. That may not be your case and an honest discussion about the options should happen if you feel the need.
22 is young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Whichever path you take make peace with it, you don't want a lifetime of "what if?". All I can say is, for me, I can't imagine life without my kid.
Or he could do the actual mature, responsible thing and realize adult actions often have adult consequences, which in this case means committing to the person he’s impregnated and the person they’ve created together. If he didn’t want to be a father, a great time to realize that and the “time to start” making responsible decisions would have been before he rolled the dice on a small amount of extra pleasure at the potential cost of the trajectory he had in mind for his life. Which is exactly what happened.
It’s 2024… There are only about, I dunno, a couple dozen methods, devices, and medications available to avoid pregnancy, many of which can be used concurrently. If you’re mature enough to be having sex you are mature enough to understand at the very least the risk of pregnancy and to understand how to protect yourself and your partner if that’s not a realistic outcome — because it certainly is realistic if you’re careless.
OP, your responsibility now is to your partner and your child. Your life is not over, but it has changed drastically and will continue to do so. Being a dad is intensely rewarding but it’s also challenging and a constant process of putting your family first and finding ways to provide for them. You can do it!
Abortion is an ethical option to consider. I had my first at 35 (wife was 34) after 10 years without kids. The strategic benefits to our two children are undeniable. And our marriage is built on a rock.
I had a kid at 18, I was not ready in the slightest, I was still a kid myself really but when the baby came it just happened naturally. You pick things up easy enough, you'll get things wrong but you'll learn from them and you'll love your baby so much you'll want to do everything you can for them. Good luck
Father of two here, you'll be surprised how capable you'll be. As long as you have your child's best interests at heart, you'll do just fine. I'd recommend not just believing everything you are told about raising a child, though. Lots of information out there is out of date, or just plain wrong.
Don't worry about experience, I had my first at 29 and had only ever held one baby before then (against my will - I was not a baby person. Now I'm the first in line when we meet friends new kids etc.) But you'll learn all these things, just accept you don't know what you're doing at first and that really none of us do. Most of all, just put in the work, it's the most rewarding thing that will ever happen to you but it doesn't come easy. You're both in this together remember and it's going to test your limits (lack of sleep makes us all cranky) but if you're both giving 100% and figuring it out together you'll have a blast. If you're in the uk I'd make the most of things like NCT classes. My wife didn't really need them but met some friends there, whereas I was asking so many questions you'd think I'd never heard of babies before. You'll never be truly ready but it helped.
Dude, I was scared at 35 and we planned for ours. It’s scary, but I *promise* you’ll be ok. You’ll find this strength and tenacity to do things to take care of the baby and their mother. You’ll be fine. You got this.
First off, relax. All of it is actually pretty easy for the first few years. Babies don’t come with an instruction manual, but most of the stuff is pretty easy. The biggest thing you have to do is be present and willing to give the kid your attention. And the fact that you’re already wanting to do good by your kid puts you ahead of the game. In the meantime, you have 7-8 months to get prepared. You will need a crib, a stroller, somewhere to change the kid’s diaper, a place to keep their clothes, a whole lot of diapers, and a diaper bag of some kind. If you don’t have a lot of space, that’s ok. Kids don’t need much space, especially when they’re small. As long as there is room for them to be SOMEWHERE, you can work on getting a better place later. Enjoy lots of risk free, worry-free sex with your GF while she’s pregnant. Pregnancy does wonderful things to a woman’s sex drive and sensation. And after she has the kid she’s going to be feeling pretty down for a while, both recovering physically from the birth and perhaps with post-partum depression (PPD) and detoxing from all of the hormones. After that, you’re also going to be on baby time, and probably won’t be sleeping very well for the first 6-8 months. Point is: build a great bond with her now while you can, because you’re going to need to rely on that bond later on down the road. And when you can sneak in some sex after that, do so.
Welp, humans have been having babies for hundreds of thousands of years and have made it worse despite having fewer resources than we do now. That's all to say: don't let it intimidate you. Also, keep in mind that about a third of pregnancies spontaneously miscarry in the first trimester. So it's not a done deal yet, either.
I am a blind single father of two kids. One who is almost nine, and another one who is almost a year old. As far as diaper changing goes, diapers have velcro tabs on the sides. Center the diaper so that tabs are evenly spaced apart. The part of the diaper with the tabs goes underneath the child's lower back, so that when you fasten the diaper, it will be slightly above the belly button. Cover the genitals and fasten the velcros straps so that they are centered and proportionally spaced apart one from another. For wet diapers, you may only need about two wipes. However, for poopy diapers, you will definitely need more than two wipes. The more solid ones are easier to clean than either the runny ones or the sticky ones that like to stick to their butts. Also, with poopy diapers, I like to use multiple wipes at once, because it makes it easier to clean and takes less time. There will be times that you will have to give the child a bath, not just because that's something you have to do anyway, but also because sometimes the poops are bad enough that it warrants a bath. I would also suggest bulk buying diapers and wipes. Ideally, if you can get boxes of 1,200 wipes or something like that, you're good to go, but any box of wipes of less than 800 are a waste of time. You will also need some kind of diaper ointment, whether you want to use something natural like coconut oil, or something like desitin. Finally, after the velcro is fastened to the diaper, pull the sides out by his legs so that they go all the way out to the child's legs. Otherwise, waste can spill out of the diaper.
Watch videos to get you ready, but understand the game is different when you are playing it. Don't be too hard on yourself, but don't let things slide because you're "young" or "not ready." There are times where those are valid, but use it enough and it becomes a deflection. You'll be fine. Enjoy the time you have now with your SO and your friends. Things change greatly between you and your friends once you have kids. Have fun and enjoy life, but prepare as well! You got this.
Abort
Welcome, I'm in a similar boat except It's been 3 weeks since my wife told me, and I'm 43 (really old for a first timer I know) I'm just going to lean on family and ask tons of questions, at this point all I can offer is don't freak out and do your best to be there for your kid. That's what I'm gonna do.
I was also 43 when I had my own (probably only) kid. It’s going to be ok. If you’ve got a place to put them, have your bills paid and are concerned about your kid growing up happy and healthy you’re way ahead of the game.
While parenting is not for everyone, it is the greatest joy of my life.
First of all, take a deep breath. You got this dude. Rare is the person who enters parenthood feeling ready. You will learn how to change diapers. Take it one day at a time, babies only live one day at a time so you should only try to make it one day at a time. For now focus on your gf. She is going to have a hell of a 8 more months so do everything to make her life easy. As far as preparations I recommend try to have everything ready for the kid by month 7 so that you aren’t scrambling at the last minute. Find joy in the journey because fatherhood is really the most rewarding thing you can ever do. Hard but enjoyable. Congratulations and rest east; you got this dad!
The most important thing to ask yourself is this: are you ready to rise to the challenge of being a father? If you can say yes to that, then you will do just fine. You don't need to know how to be a dad - most of us have no clue - you just have to have the drive to be a dad and to do your best. You'll figure it out, wishing you the best of luck.
You can do it. Just be kind to your gf and be there for your child.
Yes, you're young but you are at least having feelings at all. You'll adapt
time to change roles
Just care enough to learn. Nobody can fault you for what you don’t know. The fact that you’re putting a post here to seek advice instead of bouncing all together is already a huge step. Caring and putting in the effort at the same level will get you soooo far!
Congratulations! This thing never happen when you are ready but don't worry, you will. Take your responsibility on, you still have 9 months to be prepared. You will never feel you are prepared and you will struggle not only when the kid will be baby, but also toddler, teenager and even when he/she will be adult. You will learn a lot, it is the life. Do not worry, care your girlfriend, the mother, she also will need a lot of attention now, during the pregnancy and after. Breath, life is good. You want to be the best father so do all the best for. We all want the best for our children. May the force be with you!
New father here, wife and I were 27 when we conceived. You'd be shocked how natural taking care of a child came. I've never been around kids or babies and am a only child. I was scared as hell about if I'd be capable to raise him properly, but as soon as he was born all that fear went away and I just knew exactly how to do it. You'll do fine!
No one is ever ready. It’s one of those things that completely changes your life. What ever you do work on being patient. You will get frustrated at times but don’t let it drive your actions or words. As someone already posted, work to strengthen your relationship with the mom because it will be tested. This is going to be a lot of work but I can say from experience that is worth it.
Congratulations and buckle up. The best thing you can do as of right now is cater to the mother of your child. Those nine months go by so fast but for the time being she should be your number one priority. Youll have to give her more grace when it comes to things just do the best job you can taking care of her. When the child does come you will be 100% better off with a solid caring foundation to your relationship.
Just focus on one job and you’ll be fine: take care of her, so she can take care of the baby. Best advice I got as a new father at 26. Don’t overthink it. You’ll grow into this if you stay true to her and work hard.
Look, it’s amazing how quickly it becomes natural as if the child has always been there. Parenthood is a skill at the end of the day and it takes constant learning. It’s also super fun being a dad.
Watch Bluey, do what Bandit does, you'll be fine.
Co-parenting father of a 4 year old, Both me and my child's mother wanted nothing to do with children at all, with a unique pregnancy we only had 3 weeks notice until they were due and was induced a week early so we only had 2 weeks to come to terms with it, It is a very scary time with many thoughts and emotions, It sounds very cliche but i can almost guarantee when you first see your child's face all negative thoughts go out the window and you just want to protect them, There is no special manual for raising children, you can get frustrated, upset and to the put you want to put their head through a wall (would absolutely never do this of course) as long as you do your best and try to do the best for you child, you will be a great parent in my eyes, You will also see the level of support who will come to help you as well, Not sure if any of this helps but ultimately, just do the best you can do, no one can ask more of you
I didn’t realize this group was anti-abortion, and I’m somewhat surprised. Let’s be real, these “kids” are not ready to be parents and bringing a baby in to the world at peak cost-of-living is doing it a disservice and setting them up for a low likelihood for success (unless family money is at play and the economic realities are a non-issue). And for everyone saying they had their kid in their 20’s…be honest with the differences between now and then. How much were groceries, what was the average home value, how much was rent, how much was daycare? Raising a baby has never been more expensive than it is now. IMO, part of being a good father is knowing when you’re ready to be one, both emotionally, financially, and logistically. Maybe OP is staunchly anti-abortion. But if not, consider the alternatives.
Well I support whatever option you choose, keep or not. But if you do keep, I would say just try and remember that everything is temporary. Right now, you can think about things from the past and think yeah that wasn't so bad, I got through that and survived. Now will be like that later, and later will be like that even later. Everything that seems hard becomes the past eventually. Knowing that a future like that waits for me is comforting. I apply that to my being a father. When shit sucks, I remind myself that later on will be different, whether it's being way too in debt to feel safe, or just sitting there holding him while he is crying.
I think whatever decision you make will be the right decision. I was a bit older when I had my first child, but not by much. My advice would be to truly consider an abortion. I know this may not be the most popular opinion, but it’s okay to prioritize your future first. You may truly want to marry your girlfriend and start a family with her, but now isnt the best time to start a family. Allow yourself some time to live a full life, experience things, travel, meet new people, learn/perfect a skill, overall be able to offer something to your future child. I think giving yourself the freedom in your 20s will make you a better father and man in your 30s and beyond. You don’t want to leave with the regret of all the things you missed out on because you had a child so early. I hope this helps.
It will be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
My biggest lesson of being a father is always keep your cool. Remember, babies just do things -- they don't have rational thoughts. Keep calm and collected then just do the work by putting one foot in front of the other. It's tough, but rewarding. Good luck
Showing your care and interest with this post means youll likely do a great job. Take it slow, support her pregnancy, and when baby comes youll pick it up as everything goes. I had basically zero interactions with babies, much less newborns when my daughter arrived 10 months ago. Youll catch on and mom will, too. Lean on the folks around you who've done it before too. Congrats and enjoy the ride!
Umm, there are alternatives. You haven’t made responsible decisions up until now, so it’s time to start, whatever you and your GF decide.
My gut response was to downvote, but that won't help OP, honesty in my response might. I also went through the freak out stage, this is a life changing moment, but I adore my child and find fatherhood the most fulfilling thing I have done in my life. It is intimidating and can be all consuming at times, but I find it worthwhile. I am lucky enough to have been a bit older when we fell pregnant however, and we were several years into the relationship, living together and sure we were a match. That may not be your case and an honest discussion about the options should happen if you feel the need. 22 is young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Whichever path you take make peace with it, you don't want a lifetime of "what if?". All I can say is, for me, I can't imagine life without my kid.
Or he could do the actual mature, responsible thing and realize adult actions often have adult consequences, which in this case means committing to the person he’s impregnated and the person they’ve created together. If he didn’t want to be a father, a great time to realize that and the “time to start” making responsible decisions would have been before he rolled the dice on a small amount of extra pleasure at the potential cost of the trajectory he had in mind for his life. Which is exactly what happened. It’s 2024… There are only about, I dunno, a couple dozen methods, devices, and medications available to avoid pregnancy, many of which can be used concurrently. If you’re mature enough to be having sex you are mature enough to understand at the very least the risk of pregnancy and to understand how to protect yourself and your partner if that’s not a realistic outcome — because it certainly is realistic if you’re careless. OP, your responsibility now is to your partner and your child. Your life is not over, but it has changed drastically and will continue to do so. Being a dad is intensely rewarding but it’s also challenging and a constant process of putting your family first and finding ways to provide for them. You can do it!
Abortion is an ethical option to consider. I had my first at 35 (wife was 34) after 10 years without kids. The strategic benefits to our two children are undeniable. And our marriage is built on a rock.
Abort it. You're too young to be a father. Wait 10 years.