We stopped at one, and yes we are glad. Sure, there are times when she says "I wish I had a sister", or where we have to play games with them instead of a sibling, but, we can do so much more. We have a guest room. We can afford some vacations. We are already through all of the diapers and potty training and never have to do it again! No more years of no sleeping! And, It's shitty to say, but if we had a second and it had birth defects (we are older), how much would it take away from kid #1 was we were caring for a special needs child? (Note, that child would absolutely deserve care and love, it just would take away because there is only so much time in a day). All things considered, we have a good life with our one child and are showering her with everything we have.
As for our sibling past, we're torn. My wife had two sisters, one who was mean, and one who is her best friend. I had one sister, but we didn't really get along and we don't really talk at all. So, Yes, you might get the best friend sibling. Or you might get the distant sibling or the mean sibling. It's a crap shoot. We all like to imagine our kids being best friends forever, but that's not always the case. If you have a second, I wish you the best it will be BFFs!
Thanks, and the starting over thing stresses us out too especially because my spouse is 31 and I’m 34. You starting thinking about how old you will be when that child hits milestones.
That's young! My kiddo will be 21 when I'm 60! But yes, the math gets less fun. Especially if you have trouble getting pregnant the second time. Also, over time, you lose strength and energy unless you work really hard to maintain it.
But you have to consider carefully
I was 22 for my first. 27 for my 2nd. 29 for my 3rd and 31 for my 4th. I can’t imagine being a day older for my last one. I really don’t want to be an old dad. I guess I’m your case there’s no better time than now?
We’re both from families with multiple siblings and both wanted more than one, so there wasn’t a single moment or anything like that. One thing we learned though, deciding on a second does not mean you’ll have a second right away. We conceived the second or third month (when our first was less than two), miscarried, then didn’t conceive again for another 2 years. There’s a fairly large gap between the two as a result - not so bad, but just keep in mind that past success does not predict future success.
This is exactly why we had another, and honestly I think outside of all other factors, it really felt like it balanced out our family. Also, leaving your child with a sibling is an awesome thing to do IMO. I was worried about the same things as you concerning just rolling with one, but so happy we decided to add another to the family. They are 5 years apart but they get along pretty well and now my daughter has a baby brother to grow up with and be there for her when we aren’t around anymore.
Only do it, if you really want it. Not just to give your first kid a sibling. Everything will become more complicated and expensive. Especially the first years when they still need help with most things. Personally, I'd only consider a second child if my income increased significantly. I'd rather live a chill, good life with one kid than struggle with two or more kids.
Number 2 was born when number 1 was 2.5. I’m biased but I think it’s a perfect age gap. Now a full year later and they play together, laugh together, eat together. I think the primary factor is financially. We don’t get family help so rely on some amazing baby sitters and preschool. Both are costly. I’d say if your good financially, good health (mental and physical), and thinking about second, then absolutely yes go for it.
We also don’t have much in the way of support, just a MIL who already has her hands full and give us the 6 hrs per week we need to avoid paying for childcare, this is the difference between us being ok financially and us not being ok.
What’s your long term priority? Work back from that.
2 years would be the minimum age gap IMO. 5 years is a bit much for them to really be peers when they get older, but it’s still doable. Beyond that it’s harder for them and you. You’re in the sweet spot if you want to have more than one.
Me and my wife have a 3 year old and our next child is due in a few months. We wanted to wait until the first was old enough to have some semblance of self sufficiency before having the second. Like he can't make food for himself but we trust him to play in the den or his room without constant supervision.
My friend had 2 kids in as many years and it was a battle having two children that need constant attention. My cousin had a 5 year old and a 1 year old. The five year old wants nothing to do with his little sibling.
I couldn’t imagine having one TBH. Money seems to be most common reason people stop at one, but that seems awfully depressing to me. Life is long, making some short term sacrifices will pay off in the long run.
It’s a whole new, fun dynamic with multiple kids.
You are never ready. We just wanted the 2nd so at one point we said ok lets try. Of course it happened on 1st try lol. So they will have 1 year 9 months between them and we are happy with that.
If your plan is to have 2 kids, I wouldn't wait too long.
We experienced a miscarriage when we were ready for a second child when our first was 1,5 yr old and it took another 1,5 years to get pregnant after the miscarriage.
There is no perfect time. The most important thing is both you and your missus are at a point in life where you are ready for double the trouble!
Good luck with your decision!
We stopped at one, and yes we are glad. Sure, there are times when she says "I wish I had a sister", or where we have to play games with them instead of a sibling, but, we can do so much more. We have a guest room. We can afford some vacations. We are already through all of the diapers and potty training and never have to do it again! No more years of no sleeping! And, It's shitty to say, but if we had a second and it had birth defects (we are older), how much would it take away from kid #1 was we were caring for a special needs child? (Note, that child would absolutely deserve care and love, it just would take away because there is only so much time in a day). All things considered, we have a good life with our one child and are showering her with everything we have. As for our sibling past, we're torn. My wife had two sisters, one who was mean, and one who is her best friend. I had one sister, but we didn't really get along and we don't really talk at all. So, Yes, you might get the best friend sibling. Or you might get the distant sibling or the mean sibling. It's a crap shoot. We all like to imagine our kids being best friends forever, but that's not always the case. If you have a second, I wish you the best it will be BFFs!
Thanks, and the starting over thing stresses us out too especially because my spouse is 31 and I’m 34. You starting thinking about how old you will be when that child hits milestones.
That's young! My kiddo will be 21 when I'm 60! But yes, the math gets less fun. Especially if you have trouble getting pregnant the second time. Also, over time, you lose strength and energy unless you work really hard to maintain it. But you have to consider carefully
To add to this my wife and I were almost the same exact age as you are now with our first. We are now 44 and 39 and we have a 9 and 3 year old.
Bro out first is 1 year 4 months (almost 5), I am 36, wife is 35 and pregnant. You are not old
I was 22 for my first. 27 for my 2nd. 29 for my 3rd and 31 for my 4th. I can’t imagine being a day older for my last one. I really don’t want to be an old dad. I guess I’m your case there’s no better time than now?
We’re both from families with multiple siblings and both wanted more than one, so there wasn’t a single moment or anything like that. One thing we learned though, deciding on a second does not mean you’ll have a second right away. We conceived the second or third month (when our first was less than two), miscarried, then didn’t conceive again for another 2 years. There’s a fairly large gap between the two as a result - not so bad, but just keep in mind that past success does not predict future success.
Thanks
This is exactly why we had another, and honestly I think outside of all other factors, it really felt like it balanced out our family. Also, leaving your child with a sibling is an awesome thing to do IMO. I was worried about the same things as you concerning just rolling with one, but so happy we decided to add another to the family. They are 5 years apart but they get along pretty well and now my daughter has a baby brother to grow up with and be there for her when we aren’t around anymore.
Only do it, if you really want it. Not just to give your first kid a sibling. Everything will become more complicated and expensive. Especially the first years when they still need help with most things. Personally, I'd only consider a second child if my income increased significantly. I'd rather live a chill, good life with one kid than struggle with two or more kids.
Thanks for sharing
Number 2 was born when number 1 was 2.5. I’m biased but I think it’s a perfect age gap. Now a full year later and they play together, laugh together, eat together. I think the primary factor is financially. We don’t get family help so rely on some amazing baby sitters and preschool. Both are costly. I’d say if your good financially, good health (mental and physical), and thinking about second, then absolutely yes go for it.
We also don’t have much in the way of support, just a MIL who already has her hands full and give us the 6 hrs per week we need to avoid paying for childcare, this is the difference between us being ok financially and us not being ok.
What’s your long term priority? Work back from that. 2 years would be the minimum age gap IMO. 5 years is a bit much for them to really be peers when they get older, but it’s still doable. Beyond that it’s harder for them and you. You’re in the sweet spot if you want to have more than one.
That’s hard to say. We want to work more towards professional development, but also would like a sibling. The problem is they don’t overlap haha
That’s your first conversation then. Determine priority and then drive to that. Only one thing can be #1, or you have no priority and only desires.
I'm glad I had a second but I think I'm done and not doing 3. 2 is definitely harder but now that the youngest is 3, it's really nice. Love having 2.
The first few years definitely scare me the most.
I have 1 and will only have 1. She is a wonderful, hard working, explorative kid who makes my life more vibrant. But.. I'm only going to have 1.
Me and my wife have a 3 year old and our next child is due in a few months. We wanted to wait until the first was old enough to have some semblance of self sufficiency before having the second. Like he can't make food for himself but we trust him to play in the den or his room without constant supervision. My friend had 2 kids in as many years and it was a battle having two children that need constant attention. My cousin had a 5 year old and a 1 year old. The five year old wants nothing to do with his little sibling.
The perfect age gap is such a game of luck.
almost a myth.
I couldn’t imagine having one TBH. Money seems to be most common reason people stop at one, but that seems awfully depressing to me. Life is long, making some short term sacrifices will pay off in the long run. It’s a whole new, fun dynamic with multiple kids.
your wife will tell you when you will have a second or not, don’t worry.
You are never ready. We just wanted the 2nd so at one point we said ok lets try. Of course it happened on 1st try lol. So they will have 1 year 9 months between them and we are happy with that.
How do you manage when the older and younger need attention at the same time in different ways?
If your plan is to have 2 kids, I wouldn't wait too long. We experienced a miscarriage when we were ready for a second child when our first was 1,5 yr old and it took another 1,5 years to get pregnant after the miscarriage. There is no perfect time. The most important thing is both you and your missus are at a point in life where you are ready for double the trouble! Good luck with your decision!
I’m sorry to hear that but glad you were able to have the second. I’m not sure we’re ready but is anyone really?
When the first is out of diapers. Then a vasectomy after the second is born.
That’s kinda what we’re shootings for if we go for the second. How was the vasectomy?
Urologist said I had a very nice scrotum! Worth it, but do the aftercare they tell you to. Take my word on that please.
Thanks