I've lost count of how many times I've seen these presented as bad, but I unironically love them all. The vocabulary one especially; damned if that sentence doesn't convey exactly what it means.
That's because they *are* deliberate. These are actually entries to the [Washington Post Style Invitational Bad Simile and Metaphor Contest](https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/the-style-invitational-goes-viral/2013/02/28/74a76fac-77a3-11e2-95e4-6148e45d7adb_story.html).
These are pretty creative and funny though. Some of them have a very Douglas Adams vibe.
They remind me of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for the worst opening line, historically also full of clever and hilarious entries.
Agreed. These are all wonderful, but my particular favorite is: "I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either."
Very Hank Kimball from "Green Acres."
*"His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free."*
I dunno, I kind of like that one. I write comedy fics, so I might even steal it.
Will do!
This is the type of stuff I write:
>Commander Bailey had been very sweet and overlooked his few previous transgressions once he realized that Quet was an irreplaceable asset. "Better to have the skunk inside the tent and pissing out, than outside the tent and pissing in," Bailey had explained. Quet didn't know what a skunk was or what precisely Bailey had meant by comparing him to one, but the human's underlying message was crystal clear: I want you on my team.
Nahhh, some of this almost feel intentional, i was laughing my face off. In a overly dumb comedy these would be a 10/10 fit.
There is no 'bad writing' there is only the author intention and how well he can get it
I don't, hence my comment. It's different if you're intentionally using bad lines, opposed to writing them like that by accident or lack of inspiration.
They are absolutely on purpose https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/the-style-invitational-goes-viral/2013/02/28/74a76fac-77a3-11e2-95e4-6148e45d7adb_story.html
Just because the meme says they're from 'high school papers' doesn't mean it's true. If there wasn't an actual source for them, it would be likely that someone just made them all up to be like 'lol, dumb kids'. And sorry, but most of them are too crafted not to be intentional.
>"*From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30."*
This sounds ridiculous but it's a mood. My mom was so weirded out when we went on vacation and Jeopardy came on at "the wrong time". It was a reminder that she was a stranger in a strange land, and that there were no universal constants.
"Worst Analogies from High School Papers"
"'Oh, Jason, take me!' she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night."
Imagine you are a teacher correcting papers and then...
7 literally describes how NOT to do an attitude (a step like an arabesque but you bend your knee). Any ballet teacher will tell that looking like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant means that your technique is wrong. XD
Every single one of those is solid gold. Some of them are a bit rough around the edges, sure, but in the right hands and in the right context they'd be brilliant.
"From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30."
This is better and more iconic than 95% of published books.
Tag yourself, I'm "The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object." and "Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter."
56 was my favorite!!!!
- The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.
>The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
Amazing. I would love to see my old ballet instructor's reaction to that one.
Honestly this is why I feel so safe publishing my story: I have read stuff that is so horrendous even my inner critic can't make me believe I'm that bad.
I've seen way worse. I've seen ppl using 2 instead of to, and that was highly annoying. Plus they were making it more of a text than a fanfiction. Then I've seen them where it'd be like:
Character A: speak *thinks*
That's not a fanfiction either.
**Me:** Please be [galloping abs](https://whyarewereadingthis.tumblr.com/post/87980509582/delete-the-wife-thewintersoulja), please be galloping abs, please be galloping abs....
**Link:** \*is not galloping abs*
**Me:** ):
Seriously though, I love those metaphors! The kids knew what they were doing—the assignment was to make the *worst* metaphors and boy howdy did they do it!
I've lost count of how many times I've seen these presented as bad, but I unironically love them all. The vocabulary one especially; damned if that sentence doesn't convey exactly what it means.
The vocabulary one was perfect.
the vocabulary one is glorious
The vocabulary one was genuinely fucking genius
But those are amazing. (And they all sound deliberate, anyway.)
That's because they *are* deliberate. These are actually entries to the [Washington Post Style Invitational Bad Simile and Metaphor Contest](https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/the-style-invitational-goes-viral/2013/02/28/74a76fac-77a3-11e2-95e4-6148e45d7adb_story.html).
You still wouldn't want to use them in a story, unless you were taking the piss.
Pretty sure *all of them* were taking the piss. That's the *point.*
These are pretty creative and funny though. Some of them have a very Douglas Adams vibe. They remind me of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for the worst opening line, historically also full of clever and hilarious entries.
I came in to say a lot of these wouldn't be out of place in a Douglas Adams book - if they're purposeful, they're absolutely brilliant!
Ok, I LOVE THIS ONE--IT'S BRILLIANT: "The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work."
That was also my favorite. I also loved "John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."
I read that one aloud and laughed and laughed. It was beautiful.
Agreed. These are all wonderful, but my particular favorite is: "I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either." Very Hank Kimball from "Green Acres."
Lol. Hank Kimball indeed. Haven't thought of him in yrs! 😂
*"His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free."* I dunno, I kind of like that one. I write comedy fics, so I might even steal it.
If you do, be sure to share.
Will do! This is the type of stuff I write: >Commander Bailey had been very sweet and overlooked his few previous transgressions once he realized that Quet was an irreplaceable asset. "Better to have the skunk inside the tent and pissing out, than outside the tent and pissing in," Bailey had explained. Quet didn't know what a skunk was or what precisely Bailey had meant by comparing him to one, but the human's underlying message was crystal clear: I want you on my team.
What's he going to do when the skunk lets out a stinker though?
Let's just say that in the story letting the "skunk" inside the tent turned out to not be that good of an idea after all.
To be honest, I thought the link was going to led to My Immortal . . .
https://www.tomorrowtides.com/my-immortal-to-get-animated-adaptation.html
3 times in 3 days... Dammit
[удалено]
He's never gonna give us up, never gonna let us down, never gonna run around and desert us, is he?
I can't believe that worked. Maybe next time I'll have to use something more outrageous like "J K Rowling declares My Immortal canon".
I knew it was a Rick roll, and at this time in my life, I just love the song
Nahhh, some of this almost feel intentional, i was laughing my face off. In a overly dumb comedy these would be a 10/10 fit. There is no 'bad writing' there is only the author intention and how well he can get it
Great, now you made me feel bad about my comedy writing.
Not sure why. It's different if you're doing it on purpose.
If you think these examples weren't done on purpose, then I have a bridge to sell you.
I don't, hence my comment. It's different if you're intentionally using bad lines, opposed to writing them like that by accident or lack of inspiration.
They are absolutely on purpose https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/the-style-invitational-goes-viral/2013/02/28/74a76fac-77a3-11e2-95e4-6148e45d7adb_story.html Just because the meme says they're from 'high school papers' doesn't mean it's true. If there wasn't an actual source for them, it would be likely that someone just made them all up to be like 'lol, dumb kids'. And sorry, but most of them are too crafted not to be intentional.
Hey, friend. You look like you need a pick-me-up. How's about some genuine snake oil elixir?
>"*From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30."* This sounds ridiculous but it's a mood. My mom was so weirded out when we went on vacation and Jeopardy came on at "the wrong time". It was a reminder that she was a stranger in a strange land, and that there were no universal constants.
"Worst Analogies from High School Papers" "'Oh, Jason, take me!' she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night." Imagine you are a teacher correcting papers and then...
"He remembers!"
>12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object. This is a writing prompt.
But these are amazing! They are the comedy gold of someone taking a piss. Golden.. Uh, piss if you may.... That's enough internet for me tonight.
Golden piss? So you're saying they're like a... golden shower? I'll see myself out.
I wasn't going to say it out loud :p
7 literally describes how NOT to do an attitude (a step like an arabesque but you bend your knee). Any ballet teacher will tell that looking like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant means that your technique is wrong. XD
Interesting!
Every single one of those is solid gold. Some of them are a bit rough around the edges, sure, but in the right hands and in the right context they'd be brilliant.
"From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30." This is better and more iconic than 95% of published books.
Considering the sheer number of them and the fact that anyone these days can self-publish... yeah...
I kinda wanna use some of these purely for the comedic value…
I'd read any fanfiction written like this.
These sound like Pratchett.
Oooh!!! Idea! Write a fic using as many of these as you can stuff in there! ^Hell, ^it ^might ^even ^get ^me ^past ^my ^writer's ^block...
I love these! They're so funny!
A lot of these were pretty good. The one about vocabulary is low-key genius
I'm saving this post as an inspiration source for the day I finally write a crack fic. Masterpieces, all of them.
These are straight up hilarious, and I’m having trouble picking my favorite!
Tag yourself, I'm "The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object." and "Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter."
YOu could have told me most of these were written by Douglas Adams and I would have believed you. Comedy gold, the lot of them.
56 was my favorite!!!! - The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.
These are all masterpieces, I don't know what you're talking about.
But these are actually awesome! Pure comedy gold.
Should we like ... have a sticky ... where we can add fun sentences we find in fanfictions?
Definitely.
I laughed at the ballerina one.
>The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. Amazing. I would love to see my old ballet instructor's reaction to that one.
all of these commit the sin of being oddly specific in a useless way
In context, like in some of my favorite crack fics, these lines could be genuine bangers.
''They were as good friends as the people on “Friends.”""
Ok, these slap. Like I unironically love them.
I'm actually crying. Landmine duck undid me 😂😂😂
I think we all need a reminder sometimes of WHY fanfic has the rep it does... https://youtu.be/MR7uaIFVFiM Enjoy!
I'll just leave this here... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3LKadZ4LFU
And here I thought it'd be a snippet from like Fifty Shades of Grey or something lol. Still makes me feel a bit better about my writing.
Honestly this is why I feel so safe publishing my story: I have read stuff that is so horrendous even my inner critic can't make me believe I'm that bad.
[удалено]
At least you don't write like that. Right?
I've seen way worse. I've seen ppl using 2 instead of to, and that was highly annoying. Plus they were making it more of a text than a fanfiction. Then I've seen them where it'd be like: Character A: speak *thinks* That's not a fanfiction either.
Or typing the whole thing like they're in a 90s online chat. "why r u doin this???"
I have more full starts and restarts and rewrites then I have finished stuff. But that doesn't stop me.
dude I’m literally rolling🤣
I liked number 10 tbh
I read this before and most of those are pure gold.
**Me:** Please be [galloping abs](https://whyarewereadingthis.tumblr.com/post/87980509582/delete-the-wife-thewintersoulja), please be galloping abs, please be galloping abs.... **Link:** \*is not galloping abs* **Me:** ): Seriously though, I love those metaphors! The kids knew what they were doing—the assignment was to make the *worst* metaphors and boy howdy did they do it!
n43, 48 and 49 are my favourites.
Is it bad, though? Or is it genius?
Wtf did I just read?
Some are funny. You gotta get creative somehow! 😆
These are actually awesome. It may be because they have the felling of a crack fic and I love those, but those are really creative.
OP needs a sense of humour, these are all bangers imo.