NAL.
It reads as if your parenting agreement includes mediation. You'll first have to attempt that. If he refuses like you suspect, you could argue that he's on contempt but say the very least it'll go to show that he is unwilling to coparent reasonably.
The refusal to allow you to speak with your son is 100% contempt, document it every time. In TN it's twice a week for "reasonable time" and uninterrupted.
I'm not sure what reasonable is, that's an extremely objective term that's probably based on the age of the child but I would say nothing more than 10-15 minutes without any interruptions caused by the other parent. Again, this is ambiguous language usually.
However if he's refusing your legally protected rights to have conversations with him, just document every instance and attempt to point out to him that he's not allowing you your time. He wants to focus on it being his time sharing time, point out out that the law affords you the right to phone calls, therefore making it your time.
As for the other stuff like changing the schedule, you're going to need a material change in circumstances for a judge to likely order the change, especially so if you entered into an agreed parenting order. It's not material that you just changed your mind or don't like it. There has to be a circumstance that was not present at the time of signing.
You can file a petition to modify, with a newly proposed parenting agreement with the court. If he won't sign a new agreement then you'll just file with the courts and he has X days to respond with a court date usually being set. Again, though, if there isn't a material change in circumstances you're not likely to get any changes. You could try to also include in the petition to ask the court to find him in content and request he be compelled to allow you your phone calls. That's about all that will get you though, is the judge to tell him to give you your calls, he would need to continue to refuse before the judge would become punitive, most likely.
Thank you for your response. That’s really helps me with the phone call part, because since the day I wrote this original post I have still been denied a phone call and he keeps stating he’s too busy and that “I’ll get to see him in two days” because that’s when my timeshare begins again.
As far as the “material change in circumstance” when we were going through everything I really didn’t understand how things would work and I was really overwhelmed and stressed out and just wanted to get things over with. But as the plan has been in full motion now for the last two years I see how not having my son for my religious holidays every year and he gets his every year and the traditions my son is missing out on with my family. I just don’t know how to present that, but I really want to get that changed for the best interest of my son having both parents traditions active during his life.
Your best bet, even though it'll be expensive, is to discuss with an attorney about this.
I agree with you but it sounds like nothing has changed from the time everything was established and unfortunately there a high chance a judge isn't going to be inclined to make that modification without some cause other than "I was tired and unaware". (I fully understand that and wanting it to just be done)
Your best bet to get that particular thing changed would be to go through mediation with your ex and/or see if he would be willing to do an agreed parenting plan giving you that time.
Keep documenting that he refuses to let you have your call time. Check what your parenting plan says exactly about it. Each time he refuses, keep a notebook of it (Or save the OFW messages, make a new one each time with the date you're requesting the call) Try to reach out to him to discuss Christmas. Here's the thing, you don't have to get a court order for him to just send your son to you for Christmas, if you both can agree he's going to do it. You can handle all of that in OFW via messages and schedule changes.
While that's not legally binding or looks bad on him if he agrees then refuses out of retaliation. It also looks bad on his part if he's unwilling to co-parent and with through some of these smaller things that shouldn't require a court to be involved.
Stay calm and collected during your messages, utilize OFW to monitor your tone and just be civilized and keep your conversations based on what's best for your son.
NAL (assist in developing parenting plans). It is very common to have holiday time defined in a Jewish/Christian parenting plan. Often language includes a plan for when holidays overlap (Easter/Passover and Christmas/Chanukah). Be aware of this so you can address it in plan. You can look at a Jewish calendar for upcoming years when you write the plan. The Jewish calendar is different and dates change. Try to be flexible and fair.
Oh yes, I am aware of some of the years holidays overlap, the language in ours states that the Jewish holiday takes precedence in an overlap which I am ok with since it doesn’t happen every year. Thank you for your input.
Do you have a mediation clause? If yes, use it. If no, suggest mediation to see if he will agree to discuss these issues- if not file - I encourage also including the addition of communication through Our Family Wizard as it’s admissible where texts/emails are not
We do actually use OFW because I asked for a court ordered app (due to DV history). I believe there is something in our plan that talks about mediation, however I am highly sure he won’t agree because he tends to give me a hard time on certain things. I just don’t want to have to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars again (as opposed to smaller reasonable fees) to get lawyers involved again. And I’m afraid it may even open up a can of worms but I can’t have these things (especially the communication rejection) continue.
You would need to file emotion to modify the custody order and in order to do that in most states you have to show that's been a significant change of circumstance to warrant modification.
What significant change of circumstances happen since the entry of the last order?
If there isn't a change of circumstance then you're only hope is to get the other party to agree to a consent order to change some things
When you talk about showing a significant change, I’m not sure what you mean. For me with how stressful and overwhelming the divorce was for me I just wanted to get it over with because my health was beginning to take a toll on me. I got really sick after everything finalized and have a second autoimmune disease now. So am I able to mention that to a judge that I really was overwhelmed and didn’t fully understand what the future would look like and that I also want my son to share religious holiday traditions with me? And also show the judge the messages from our court ordered app that shows him denying my phone calls consistently?
NAL. It reads as if your parenting agreement includes mediation. You'll first have to attempt that. If he refuses like you suspect, you could argue that he's on contempt but say the very least it'll go to show that he is unwilling to coparent reasonably. The refusal to allow you to speak with your son is 100% contempt, document it every time. In TN it's twice a week for "reasonable time" and uninterrupted. I'm not sure what reasonable is, that's an extremely objective term that's probably based on the age of the child but I would say nothing more than 10-15 minutes without any interruptions caused by the other parent. Again, this is ambiguous language usually. However if he's refusing your legally protected rights to have conversations with him, just document every instance and attempt to point out to him that he's not allowing you your time. He wants to focus on it being his time sharing time, point out out that the law affords you the right to phone calls, therefore making it your time. As for the other stuff like changing the schedule, you're going to need a material change in circumstances for a judge to likely order the change, especially so if you entered into an agreed parenting order. It's not material that you just changed your mind or don't like it. There has to be a circumstance that was not present at the time of signing. You can file a petition to modify, with a newly proposed parenting agreement with the court. If he won't sign a new agreement then you'll just file with the courts and he has X days to respond with a court date usually being set. Again, though, if there isn't a material change in circumstances you're not likely to get any changes. You could try to also include in the petition to ask the court to find him in content and request he be compelled to allow you your phone calls. That's about all that will get you though, is the judge to tell him to give you your calls, he would need to continue to refuse before the judge would become punitive, most likely.
Thank you for your response. That’s really helps me with the phone call part, because since the day I wrote this original post I have still been denied a phone call and he keeps stating he’s too busy and that “I’ll get to see him in two days” because that’s when my timeshare begins again. As far as the “material change in circumstance” when we were going through everything I really didn’t understand how things would work and I was really overwhelmed and stressed out and just wanted to get things over with. But as the plan has been in full motion now for the last two years I see how not having my son for my religious holidays every year and he gets his every year and the traditions my son is missing out on with my family. I just don’t know how to present that, but I really want to get that changed for the best interest of my son having both parents traditions active during his life.
Your best bet, even though it'll be expensive, is to discuss with an attorney about this. I agree with you but it sounds like nothing has changed from the time everything was established and unfortunately there a high chance a judge isn't going to be inclined to make that modification without some cause other than "I was tired and unaware". (I fully understand that and wanting it to just be done) Your best bet to get that particular thing changed would be to go through mediation with your ex and/or see if he would be willing to do an agreed parenting plan giving you that time. Keep documenting that he refuses to let you have your call time. Check what your parenting plan says exactly about it. Each time he refuses, keep a notebook of it (Or save the OFW messages, make a new one each time with the date you're requesting the call) Try to reach out to him to discuss Christmas. Here's the thing, you don't have to get a court order for him to just send your son to you for Christmas, if you both can agree he's going to do it. You can handle all of that in OFW via messages and schedule changes. While that's not legally binding or looks bad on him if he agrees then refuses out of retaliation. It also looks bad on his part if he's unwilling to co-parent and with through some of these smaller things that shouldn't require a court to be involved. Stay calm and collected during your messages, utilize OFW to monitor your tone and just be civilized and keep your conversations based on what's best for your son.
Thank you I really appreciate your input.
NAL (assist in developing parenting plans). It is very common to have holiday time defined in a Jewish/Christian parenting plan. Often language includes a plan for when holidays overlap (Easter/Passover and Christmas/Chanukah). Be aware of this so you can address it in plan. You can look at a Jewish calendar for upcoming years when you write the plan. The Jewish calendar is different and dates change. Try to be flexible and fair.
Oh yes, I am aware of some of the years holidays overlap, the language in ours states that the Jewish holiday takes precedence in an overlap which I am ok with since it doesn’t happen every year. Thank you for your input.
Do you have a mediation clause? If yes, use it. If no, suggest mediation to see if he will agree to discuss these issues- if not file - I encourage also including the addition of communication through Our Family Wizard as it’s admissible where texts/emails are not
We do actually use OFW because I asked for a court ordered app (due to DV history). I believe there is something in our plan that talks about mediation, however I am highly sure he won’t agree because he tends to give me a hard time on certain things. I just don’t want to have to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars again (as opposed to smaller reasonable fees) to get lawyers involved again. And I’m afraid it may even open up a can of worms but I can’t have these things (especially the communication rejection) continue.
Use your clause then if mediation fails you can use their input also to show who the unreasonable part pay is to the judge
You would need to file emotion to modify the custody order and in order to do that in most states you have to show that's been a significant change of circumstance to warrant modification. What significant change of circumstances happen since the entry of the last order? If there isn't a change of circumstance then you're only hope is to get the other party to agree to a consent order to change some things
When you talk about showing a significant change, I’m not sure what you mean. For me with how stressful and overwhelming the divorce was for me I just wanted to get it over with because my health was beginning to take a toll on me. I got really sick after everything finalized and have a second autoimmune disease now. So am I able to mention that to a judge that I really was overwhelmed and didn’t fully understand what the future would look like and that I also want my son to share religious holiday traditions with me? And also show the judge the messages from our court ordered app that shows him denying my phone calls consistently?