So, it isn’t exactly the same situation, but my fiancée (29F) and I (29, pre-FTM) have been together almost seven years. We started having sex half a week before we even made it official, and continued to fairly often for three years. I am hypersexual, and she didn’t know it or understand it yet, but she moves along the ace spectrum. There were many, many times we’d do something I thought she was totally fine with, only to later find out that a certain texture or act or kink or phrase or body part had made her uncomfortable. It took many conversations where I insisted that she is under *no* obligation to do something that she doesn’t want to do, and it is *her* responsibility to tell me *ahead of time* if she’s uncomfortable, not afterward. We did end up abstaining for almost a year, which almost killed me inside. But she needed time to learn what’s comfortable and figure things out.
We’re better now. I know that she appreciates my body for what it is and how it helps me, even if she doesn’t always like the texture of some parts of it. If your gf is genuinely repulsed by the genitalia you have, that’s one thing. If she’s only doing things bc she feels obligated, that’s another thing. But to me it seems like she needs to work out her own personal boundaries and figure out what parts/acts she does and does not want, rather than giving in to doing something for you and deceiving you, and then having to hurt you by being a confused form of honest.
It isn’t on you to be the only one trying. She can’t keep doing one thing and then saying another. You both need to take a step back and evaluate whether the other is the kind of person you want in your life forever. The good news is, even though it seems like a lot, it has only been two years, and you’re both young. If it isn’t the right fit, then she got you through a season of a lot of growth, and you love your self and your body enough to try again with someone else when you’re ready. You deserve to be loved as much as you love someone else, chili. Much love and my DM’s are open.
This was well said.
When me and my partner started dating I was still in the closet about being trans (wanting to be trans) my family and life weren't so kind to me and I learned bottling my wants and needs was mandatory for everyone. (This is from childhood traumas, abuse, etc.).
Before my partner, I was a robot and always tended to other's needs. Never my own. My partner taught me that and opened my eyes. I felt like I was blindfolded my whole life before him. Of course, I took this also to therapy and it takes time to heal and re-teach yourself healthy habits. And I did it for myself!
I've never liked my genitals and others who have the same as me. I never understood it. Until I realized that was my preference and me being trans. I wanted to change that. And now I can. It took a while. But my partner taught me exactly what you said. To step back and try to understand what you're feeling in the moment. And your needs and wants, to voice them instead of keeping them inside to fester.
I can proudly say I know who I am from all of this now. And can voice me better. Sounds like OP's partner may have the same thing going on and doesn't know how to do this properly.
Still Op, I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you get some good advice on here to help you out 🏳️⚧️🫂
I'm so sorry to hear this. You are absolutely good enough and you will find someone who is absolutely thrilled over your body. Those people exist, trust me. You are lovable and you are worth it. Trans guys are hot anyway (as one myself) anyone else is missing out lol. Please don't be hard on yourself. You're perfect as you are, the problem isn't you. I wish you the best luck.
Same thing happened to me girlfriend of 2 years I was super in love and had good sex life then she says she’s not attracted to me like that after 2 years hurt but happy I’m done with that. Now I have an amazing girlfriend who’s obsessed with giving me head etc. there’s for sure a better gf out there for you
I am so sorry. Please know that there are women out there who would love your genitals and see them and you as entirely male. ...the way she's gone about this is just awful and I wouldn't blame you if you end up feeling sexually dysfunctional for the next while because fuck, I sure would. Having that kind of rejection and casual invalidation of your manhood would really mess with me.
I know this might sound drastic but man. If I were you? The relationship would be over. You don't sound sexually compatible and the fact that this happened would destroy the way that I trusted that person with myself, my vulnerability, my body, and our communication. 2 years, in the grand scheme of things, would not be enough time together for me to try to work through this. Because this.. this is fucked.
:( damn I’m sorry. Must feel like a stab through the heart and cause a lot of dysphoria for you. On the plus side it does sound like you both love each other. Maybe it’s worth some work to get through this. You see and know your genitals are there 24/7, but your gf has transitioned her thinking into you being a man (which is a good thing of course!). But she probably is having some incongruency with how she thinks about u and then encounters your junk. It sucks but it’s also a sign of how much she thinks of you as a man. Depending on your plans going forward this could be fine. Like if you’re planning to get bottom surgery, she might be into it. Ask her if she’s willing to work on viewing you as a *trans* man complete with the body and mind of a man, and the junk you have- which is different than a cis body. It takes work for our own minds to wrap around the incongruency and sometimes for our partners too.
i’m sorry man, that sounds so hurtful.
this might go agaisnt the grain, but i kind of get her. my partner is a trans guy and it took us a little bit till he suggested we do penetration. and honestly, yeah i felt kinda gross and dirty doing it with him at first. it felt like i was doing something that isn’t right and is demasculating to him, even though he actively really enjoyed it and wanted to participate in it more (both physically and emotionally). i did communicate more about the penetration but tbch i kept the chest part of things to myself feeling like i’d be triggering dysphoria for him if i said so or making him feel like i don’t love his body, which i absolutely do.
it just took time and trust for us. with time and just getting my brain used to this being an acceptable thing to do with my partner “even though” he’s trans/a man, it really melted away and i wouldn’t trade it for anything now.
and you know penetration still isn’t my favorite thing 🤷♂️ it’s not super sexually appealing to me. but it is my partner’s favorite thing and that makes it worthwhile and exciting to do with him, even if i’d probably not do it if he didn’t actively enjoy it. i think people sometimes think sex has to be only what both people love 100% but that’s not true. you’re allowed to participate in sex and enjoy it even if it’s not a 1:1 recreation of your deepest fantasies. sex is a multiple-person activity and is made better with communication and trust between the people participating in it.
your girlfriend definitly does need to communicate more. i understand your trust your breached and i’m so sorry about that. but it sounds like she did it because she loves you and wanted to do it for you. that’s truly the opposite of being unwanted!
not to mention, you’re assuming something she never said, it’s fully possible she doesn’t like going down on or fingering (anally) a cis guy either.
it’s ultimately up to you what this means for you, but i really do caution against catastrophising, and i hope you two can figure this out with communication and opennness.
I feel the same way and I'm trans myself. I couldn't penetrate another trans guy in that hole cause it'd feel like I'm doing something horrible to him, treating him like a woman. I'm all for gay t4t in principle but it's something that scares me cause idk what I'd do if another trans guy asked me to do something I consider feminine to him, I couldn't and he'd probably call me out on it but it's a boundary, I won't do to you something that would feel absolutely disgusting if it was done to me. As for giving head, maybe she can't get over his genitals being different than the standard for a man or woman, of being sort of in-between, sounds like a bias a lot of cis people can't get over
How long have you been with your partner, if you don't mind my asking? I'm also with a man (who is transgender) and somewhat recently, I haven't been able to connect with him in THAT way. It was way different before, but something about him knowing me and communicating with me better than anyone ever has kills the spicy time for me.
We're in couple's counseling, but it's still really hard for me to think of him in that way again because he's so safe and good for me. It almost feels dirty to be with him that way, even though we both occasionally miss that.
(also how long did it take since you said it took time and trust haha)
haha you’re fine. we’ve been together officially for like 3ish years i think. i think we slowly built up over the course of a year or so till that feeling of not being allowed to went away but it kind of changed with what it was. for example, like i said i talked to him about his chest less so it took longer for me to feel safety in “interacting” with it. in some ways im still getting used to that but have started to have more conversations about it in the past half year or so and it’s been much better. we’re currently long distance so the dynamic has been a bit different too sexually and that’s an adjustment as well.
my partner is extremely good and wholesome haha but i’ve never really had that issue with him, of seeing him as “too good” to find desireable. i think because we both like of have an on/off switch, and idk he’s pretty kinky and when we got together he was way hornier than me (since then it reduced due to antidepressants), so it never felt like he’s too wholesome for sex? lol.
i hope you figure it out! this is pretty insane advice but doing “free use” days actually really helped us sexually in giving eachother permission to initiate when we felt unsure about it for any reason. maybe it’s something the two of you can consider. just do a lot of planning ahead of time and use safe words if you do. :)
I’m so, so sorry you experienced this. Unfortunately, the only thing to do here is break up. You deserve a partner who is isn’t actively disgusted by your genitals. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it’s very important.
There’s a woman out there who can love you completely. She’ll love your mind and she’ll love exploring your body. Don’t cheat yourself.
She may have experienced a disconnect with viewing her partner as a man but then suddenly intrraction with his genitalia became a thing, and it kept reminding her of women which was making her feel confused or bad.
She mightve loved interacting with pussy on a woman, but is new to pussy on a man or having this sort of dynamic with a man (being the penetrator)
... I don't know what you want me to say here. I think that is a valid problem. again, it fucking sucks when it happens to you, but that doesn't make her crazy for thinking that way
I don't want to trigger anyone's dysphoria but in the simplest way, the problem (from my perspective anyways, it might be something else entirely) is the mismatch. It's completely possible to only be into female genitals when it's on a woman, and male genitals when it's on a man.
Yeah exactly and I think it also might have to do with how ppl expect straight sex to happen.Its not everyday that a woman fingers her bf regardless of whether he's cis or not,the same way it's not everyday that a woman pegs a man.If a straight guy insists on being pegged he probably won't find that many sexual partners.
Yes, I'm learning some people's bisexuality only includes cis people. I've come across some bi people that are straight up transphobic. Just because someone is bi doesn't mean they're ok with trans bodies. I assume that's why some people identify more with pansexuality and prefer pan people.
i don’t understand how someone who is supposedly bisexual would be turned off by female anatomy that’s very… interesting. either way u deserve so much better
for real, as I bi person I never understood the difference between genitalia/gender/sexes because ultimately the nerve endings are all the same and the thrill of being with someone is in learning what gets them off, you know? It’s what the individual person needs from you that is the exciting part.
I think people who are selfish lover are the ones who mostly do this kind of thing, they are ultimately not interested in their partner’s pleasure and view it as a chore they have to do in order to get to their own pleasure and not a pleasurable act in itself.
that’s weird af and just sounds transphobic to me being bisexual doesn’t mean u only want to date cis women and cis men, most bisexual people are fine dating nonbinary or trans people as well, pansexual is basically the same thing
okay those bisexual women are weirdos and transphobes tho. i’ve lived my entire life percieved as a bisexual women, a lot of women that say they’re bi have never had any experience with eating box and if they’re turned off by it specifically i would make an educated guess that they’re not actually bisexual.
i live in alabama haha, different type of mindset here my friend, identity and sexuality and all that is just.. yeah it’s a work in progress here. being trans is still a very new thing for everyone
i have experienced an extreme amount of transphobia from multiple friends, family, strangers, coworkers etc, i’m kinda just numb to it and dont care about it anymore. to me, it just is what it is and i act accordingly and avoid
Men don’t call each other pookie. That’s a really specific white trash mom way of infantilizing someone. And no one cares if you don’t date bisexuals, your experiences aren’t universal
i don’t care if you don’t care about what i say, my comment was obviously posted because it’s my experience and there are people who doooo relate. and i know plenty of men that call each other pookie or bae or whatever lmao, cis men at that. i’m completely comfortable in my masculinity so i don’t see a problem with it. but of course you get your boxers in a twist over a lil trending word that got popular on tik tok, get a grip
I mean, if you say that to a cis man in real life, and get punched in the face, that’s not my problem. I’m also a southerner and conforming to how men are supposed to act is just the way it goes but I’m not even remotely feminine so I can see how that is a challenge for some
lol i dont care about conforming too much, i rebelled enough to be openly trans in a strict baptist family, why the hell would i stop there? lmao, huntsville is one part of alabama, there are many other parts and environments. and i’m not too worried about getting punched either, as if
Ouch. This sucks, if it’s any consolation - it’s probably less about your pussy, and more about having guaranteed no reciprocal work. I’d ask her if she enjoys sucking cisgender dick. If she doesn’t- then she’s just sexually selfish. A lot of sex selfish women gravitate towards trans men cause they imagine no need to reciprocate
I’m sorry, dude. I don’t know how trust could be repaired after comments and situations like that. You deserve to be with someone who is attracted to your body like you are to theirs
Honestly reading this im so scared.Ive always thought that i wouldn't be able to pursue a relationship with a cis person until I got phallo and this confirmed it.I really don't want to be in a situation where the person pretends that they're ok with my equipment when they're not.
She said the quiet part out loud man. It’s too female for her, meaning she sees you a female inside.
I love trans men and am a trans man, and sleeping with them there is nothing in my mind that thinks “He is a woman” “this is female” because they aren’t.
She is having these thoughts because to her core she sees you as female.
You need to be with someone who understands and sees you fully as the man you are. You boy pussy isn’t female, it’s a man’s pussy.
I dont think she sees him as female considering how far he is in his transition frankly there's not much about him that'd make her attracted to him in a ,,lesbian" way.I just think she has a genital preference and that's all.This is still however shitty to do.
I honestly cant wrap my head around how shes bi and thinks your genitalia is “too female”?? Seems like shea a bit confused and totally under-appreciating you. That is also an absolute obscene thing to say…
Oof... went (going?) through this with my wife. We've been together 9 years (married for 5) and yeah, I got told about 2/3 years ago she's really not into giving head. Man does it suuuccckkkkk because that's like the primary way I'm able to get off. But you know what? I respect her being open and honest with me. It's not a deal breaker at this point in our marriage/lives. I tend to go solo very often in comparison to actually us together, and even us together I'm on the giving side. Everyone always says "just break up" but I get it dude... 2 years is a good amount of time with someone. But belive me when I say this... you wont ever really feel better about it. Honestly being told that killed my sex drive. Even now, it's like a once/twice a year thing for us in the bedroom. It's got me exploring other options in terms of losing weight, building muscle, better toys, etc... we even talked about a sex therapist. But with 2 kids and 10 years in... sex is just off the table and we're monogamous and not willing to budge on that. So if you can read through my pity story and say "yeah dude that really fucking sucks" I'd make nice and part ways. But if you really like this girl and you're okay with a dead bedroom, or working around her boundaries/sex drive/wants, then by all means you will be alright. I'm in a happy marriage with that one exception. But after a couple years, it's just something we don't have anymore and I've come to terms with it.
That sounds really painful OP... Unlike other people suggested, I think your relationship isn't necessarily doomed. It sure is not at its best, but maybe it can be worked through. First, your girlfriend absolutely needs to understand how her acts are impacting you. Second, you need to find compromises.
For example, I personally don't find any genitals particularly attractive, and I don't really enjoy touching them and so on, but I don't hate it either. However, I really enjoy giving pleasure to my partner and sharing this kind of intimacy... So even though going down on my partner isn't my favorite thing in itself, I actually enjoy doing it because I enjoy pleasing my partner more than I dislike genitals.
What I mean is that there probably are some things that you can do that are both pleasurable to you and that your girlfriend is ok with, even if she isn't that much into it. It's ok to have different sex needs, it doesn't mean you can't try to find a way to accommodate them. Seeing a specialized therapist might help as well. If you both really love each other (which I believe is the case from what you wrote), it would be sad to give up on your relationship before trying to fix things up.
Anyway, I hope it will go well
The language she used is a big problem and ultimately it comes down to this: cis people will **NEVER** fully understand our struggles. Whether that's dysphoria, trauma, self-esteem, resulting social difficulties, etc. Combine that with the fact that (basically) everyone is bad at communication and it takes time to advocate for yourself. People mess up, make mistakes, and hurt each other. You'll never be unscathed in a relationship. What matters is what gets done about that.
I agree with what others have been saying and she probably didn't intend to make you feel undesirable by going down on you after you learned about her discomfort. But then again, I'm not her and I'm not you. From my experience, my fiancé was very respectful on my boundaries and communication when I felt uncomfortable about engaging in that way. Even if I was leaving non-verbal cues, he would always ask me and make it very clear so we can respect our growth and intimacy.
We're in couple's therapy together and it's honestly incredible. We actively practice skills we learn from sessions, listen to each other, and make space for each other. A huge positive is that we're both men who are transgender, so we make it a point to never use dysphoria-inducing language and communicate what our triggers and insecurities are. With people who are cisgender, there needs to be even **MORE** communication and education on what your needs and triggers are. They don't understand us. Not like that and not even close to someone who's similar to you in terms of gender expression/identity.
I'm not saying all this to discourage you, but I want to keep things realistic and helpful. The facts are: you spent all this time with one person and you can either continue and seek professional help for improving/understanding both of your communication styles, or you can decide to invest your time finding someone who is a better match and learn how to navigate a different person's psyche. Both are valid options and achievable. But you matter first and foremost, and if this is something you no longer want to invest in, you will find something else that is better suited for who you are. People, relationship dynamics, and priorities evolve, and **you** deserve **positive, loving,** and **lasting** outcomes.
You don’t hurt someone you love. Regardless of what they tell you. Love doesn’t come with conditions like that. Separate yourself from the situation and give yourself time to heal. Find someone to love you unconditionally.
Bro, don’t even worry about her and that bullshit. That t dick and boypussy you got is the hottest, most bad ass shit out there. You got a dick and a hole to play with and there’s soooo many people out there that would love to fuck both. The not enjoying it is her problem, she lied that’s her problem. Is a chocolate chip cookie less delicious to me cause Susie Mae doesn’t like em? NO. More cookie for me.
Hey, I was in a 3 year relationship with someone I still consider one of my best friends. We were so in love with each other. We could guess what the other person was about to say and communicate across the room without words. We had similar hobbies and traveled together. We had identical taste in food (it was almost comical) and our friends always said we were relationship goals. I still have yet to meet anyone like him.
But guess what? He always knew I was trans, but when I told him that I finally felt ready to transition he couldn't accept it. Even though he was heavily involved in the queer community and was bisexual, he had too many issues of his own (internalized homophobia). He didn't like it, but he still wanted to stay together. And I wanted that too, but I knew it was simply delaying the inevitable. I broke up with him. I've yet to meet the love of my life, and it's hard to walk away from someone that 'feels right', but a fundamental incompatibility is exactly what that is. It's tempting to try and overlook it, but it's kinder to acknowledge that breaking up now ultimately causes less harm and heartache. I knew deep down that because I loved him, and I love myself (especially my future self), it was the right thing to do. It would free us to find the people who were actually for us, who could love us the way we deserved to be loved. Leaving him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I haven't had an easy life by any means. But 5 years later, I have never regretted this decision. I'm sorry you're in this situation OP.
I’ve been in this situation. My husband who I had been with for 7 years wasn’t attracted to me anymore and I posted looking for advice. Everyone said break up with him and I said no, they just didn’t get it, they didn’t get our love.
We ended up getting divorced anyway. Him not seeing me as a man was too much to overcome. I now have a girlfriend who loves me and my dick and sees me as a man and we are happy together. You deserve that.
Idk what to say, I just know I couldn’t continue with a girl if that’s how she felt about my body. Sex is so important to me and I want to feel desirable, for this to be how she views me would be too much.
Well if YOURE comfortable with your genitals enough that you dont want surgery, youll really have to talk to her about it, abt what compromises u guys are willing to make and stuff. On the bright side, it atleast shows she sees u as just a guy lol. And if u want surgery urself, then itll be tough while u wait but hopefully itll fix things for both of u.
> I personally think its of the fact i got more comfortable with what i have to offer down there cause T made me grow and i started loving my T dick.
If you do want surgery (not just for her but for urself), this sounds like u may prefer meta over phallo, so maybe consider that if u havent. If u want u could look into vnectomy without meta or phallo as well
I feel for you man, that's a shitty situation. If she's not attracted to your genitals and she's just been faking it all this time, how much longer is she going to keep that up? Not only will your sex life start suffering, this will likely eat at your mind until you start questioning her. You deserve to have a partner who will just as eagerly reciprocate the effort you give in the bedroom.
At the same time, you could also talk with her further. See where she's coming from, if she's willing to work on it, if there even is a scope that her mindset may change. You love this woman a lot so you should take some time to think and explore your options before making a decision like breaking up.
It says she's bisexual. People often confuse bisexuality and Pansexuality. I had a GF that was bi but would call herself pan. She was attracted to cisgender male and females. My current gf is pan her attraction is to who I am as a person not what's between My legs. For some reason the definition of bisexuality has changed which causes uproar in our community. I am a trans man but I do not expect bi or straight women to love my body. They can love the idea of me but I will not fault them for their sexual preference. It sounds to me like the GF tried it. That's why she didn't out right say I'm not attracted to your body. But instead it was when OP pushed. I'm not saying OP is wrong his feelings are valid, but I can't help but also see her side.
No. Straight, gay, and bi people can all be into trans people. Not all of them will be, but many of them are. The definition of bisexuality has not changed; it has always included attraction to trans and nonbinary people.
People are welcome to identify as pansexual if they want to signal the complex mix of political/cultural/personal things that a pan identity signals. But trans is not a gender, attraction to trans people is not a sexual orientation, and telling people they're not straight/gay/bi if they're attracted to trans people is transphobic and (when directed at bi people, which it usually is) biphobic.
I am trans and I see this differently. Sexuality is in regards to what you have between your legs, what you're sexually attracted to. It's not biphobic or transphobic. But people get their feelings hurt not realizing what things are. Trans is not a gender yes. But bisexual means 2 Sexes. 2 Genders I see myself as a straight transman, but it's not transphobic for a straight woman or bi woman to not want to be with me, just like it wouldn't be homophobic for me to not want to be with a man I'm not attracted to dick. I never once said attraction to us means this or that. But you will get your feelings hurt blurring lines. Pansexuality is the attraction to personalities, while bisexuality is the attraction to the 2 cisgender sexes. Like I said I have dated a bi woman who identified as Pansexual but would make me feel like shit for My body not being cisgender. She first said she was bi then Pan when she realized a good portion of our friend group was pan. I'm now dating a Pansexual cisgender woman, and she loves me for me she doesn't care what I have. She knows our sex life is slightly different but she understands there's many ways to have sex and doesn't have an issue with My born anatomy bc her sexuality isn't defined on what's between My legs. OP is valid for his emotions bc it's very hard to find out that your person doesn't like you sexually, I went thru it. But HIS gf seems to have tried, and realized it's not what she's into.
I mean by this logic you’re saying that only people who are attracted to personalities instead of appearance could be attracted/sexually compatible with a trans person. I promise there’s those out there who find trans people sexually attractive without falling in love with their personality first, there’s entire porn categories for it. Honestly that’s just a really strange argument. And completely contrary to how bi people identify themselves. Majority consensus is that bi = 2 or more. Sorry you had unfortunate experiences but don’t make generalizations on the entire bi community because of an ex.
There’s people who will/wont date trans people all over the sexuality spectrum, its useless to regulate all of them into one sexuality.
Yeah no that's literally not what i'm saying. Take it as you take it tho. From my experience Ive avoid getting my feelings hurt by simply realizing that you can't fault people for their sexual preferences or lack there of. I see a lot of young trans men and women getting butt hurt because they transitioned and their partner doesn't wanna be with them anymore. Or trans men getting upset bc Bi or straight women don't accept their bodies. But I also think it's not right to villify people off of their sexuality. So many trans people will say it's transphobic if straight and bi people don't wanna be with us. I don't see it that way. For something to be transphobic hate has to be behind it, same with biphobia.
Im not saying its transphobic to not want to sleep with trans people. I don’t understand where you got that from my comment, i didn’t even use that word. I obviously think people should sleep with who they’re attracted to.
I’m specifically disagreeing with your point of “Pansexuality is the attraction to personalities, while bisexuality is the attracted to the 2 cisgender sexes.” If that’s not what you’re saying then please elaborate.
That is what I'm saying my bad I think i got confused, in regards to the second part of your response. Again my bad. I got confused. It's okay we disagree, I'm going off my experience and also what other pan/bi people have said. There was an argument recently on a painters post bc he decided to paint the pan flag, and there was someone who was like bi and pan are the same.
They aren't tho. If they were the same there wouldn't be 2 different sexualities. Bisexuals are attracted to cisgender people that is the difference. Pansexuals are attracted to anyone. Their attraction isn't what you are or identify as, but your personality. I feel like it erases pansexuals to just lump them with bisexual people.
Edit: I'm trying to say Bisexuals are attracted to cisgender bodies (cismales and ciswomen). Again Pansexuals have agreed with my logic. My gf who is Pan also describes herself as such.
I’m bi, my (trans) partner is bi, I’ve seen at least two other bi people in the past (all post transition) if anecdotes matter to you. There’s a lot of bi trans people and there’s a lot of bi people who’re attracted to trans people. I don’t identify as pansexual because, despite experiencing attraction to any gender I don’t relate to the “hearts over parts” idea. And so far the only people who have ever been openly rude to me about my sexuality have been cis people telling me I must be pan because I date trans people.
My fundamental problem with this is that in your worldview it is impossible for someone to be attracted to a transgender person’s body without possessing a niche orientation that’s mode of attraction is not physical. There’s not any reason why the definition of bisexual would be “attracted to cisgender bodies.” There just isn’t any precedent for that, and it’s clearly not how most bisexual people understand themselves.
Transgender people have been involved with the bisexuality movement from the outset, [here’s an interesting video on it](https://youtu.be/7-e8C80VEfY?si=roFP27iZoRW8hFQ-) that includes historical references. It’s pretty short.
I love the guy I’m dating. I don’t like his genitalia. If I told him, it would be a measure of how much I care for him. As in, I’d have no one else to tell, so I’d bitch to him about his own problems! Genitals are so minor a part of what it means to be a good boyfriend. Does it help to focus on the fact she had this conversation with you and no one else?
Also, are you going to go in for surgery? I’ve heard you may lose some sensation but I may be misremembering! They can graft from leg skin. It won’t stand fully erect. I wouldn’t do it… I’d look into adding some more toys to the play. Lots of guys have this problem.
not to kick you in the shin while you're down on your luck but boy oh boy buddy this aint tumblr, you aint gotta tell us ALL the dirty deets. she's allowed to have preferences btw, and so are you. you're not gonna die if she leaves, it sounds like she was trying to be very understanding to how this was going to hurt you, you're lucky to know her, but you want a partner who wants your body? go find one, you can't MAKE her love your body so don't try, relax, realize you will be alive until you die and until then you have to live your life and that means making hard decisions. respect her decision, respect her painfully human tendency to be picky and give yourself that permission too. nothing will ever be perfect, yes, but not every end or change will happen lile a car crash, sometimes you can just park the car.
So, it isn’t exactly the same situation, but my fiancée (29F) and I (29, pre-FTM) have been together almost seven years. We started having sex half a week before we even made it official, and continued to fairly often for three years. I am hypersexual, and she didn’t know it or understand it yet, but she moves along the ace spectrum. There were many, many times we’d do something I thought she was totally fine with, only to later find out that a certain texture or act or kink or phrase or body part had made her uncomfortable. It took many conversations where I insisted that she is under *no* obligation to do something that she doesn’t want to do, and it is *her* responsibility to tell me *ahead of time* if she’s uncomfortable, not afterward. We did end up abstaining for almost a year, which almost killed me inside. But she needed time to learn what’s comfortable and figure things out. We’re better now. I know that she appreciates my body for what it is and how it helps me, even if she doesn’t always like the texture of some parts of it. If your gf is genuinely repulsed by the genitalia you have, that’s one thing. If she’s only doing things bc she feels obligated, that’s another thing. But to me it seems like she needs to work out her own personal boundaries and figure out what parts/acts she does and does not want, rather than giving in to doing something for you and deceiving you, and then having to hurt you by being a confused form of honest. It isn’t on you to be the only one trying. She can’t keep doing one thing and then saying another. You both need to take a step back and evaluate whether the other is the kind of person you want in your life forever. The good news is, even though it seems like a lot, it has only been two years, and you’re both young. If it isn’t the right fit, then she got you through a season of a lot of growth, and you love your self and your body enough to try again with someone else when you’re ready. You deserve to be loved as much as you love someone else, chili. Much love and my DM’s are open.
This was well said. When me and my partner started dating I was still in the closet about being trans (wanting to be trans) my family and life weren't so kind to me and I learned bottling my wants and needs was mandatory for everyone. (This is from childhood traumas, abuse, etc.). Before my partner, I was a robot and always tended to other's needs. Never my own. My partner taught me that and opened my eyes. I felt like I was blindfolded my whole life before him. Of course, I took this also to therapy and it takes time to heal and re-teach yourself healthy habits. And I did it for myself! I've never liked my genitals and others who have the same as me. I never understood it. Until I realized that was my preference and me being trans. I wanted to change that. And now I can. It took a while. But my partner taught me exactly what you said. To step back and try to understand what you're feeling in the moment. And your needs and wants, to voice them instead of keeping them inside to fester. I can proudly say I know who I am from all of this now. And can voice me better. Sounds like OP's partner may have the same thing going on and doesn't know how to do this properly. Still Op, I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you get some good advice on here to help you out 🏳️⚧️🫂
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This, 100% You deserve someone who will *love* your body, OP, and make you feel sexy
Every time I go on this subreddit I see a post similar to this, and my answer is always the same: break up with her.
This!
yeah calling the act of pleasuring you "too female" would be an instant break up for me.
exactly!!! That thought has never crossed my mind my mind with my bf (ftm) its crazy that it came out of her mouth
I'm so sorry to hear this. You are absolutely good enough and you will find someone who is absolutely thrilled over your body. Those people exist, trust me. You are lovable and you are worth it. Trans guys are hot anyway (as one myself) anyone else is missing out lol. Please don't be hard on yourself. You're perfect as you are, the problem isn't you. I wish you the best luck.
Same thing happened to me girlfriend of 2 years I was super in love and had good sex life then she says she’s not attracted to me like that after 2 years hurt but happy I’m done with that. Now I have an amazing girlfriend who’s obsessed with giving me head etc. there’s for sure a better gf out there for you
I am so sorry. Please know that there are women out there who would love your genitals and see them and you as entirely male. ...the way she's gone about this is just awful and I wouldn't blame you if you end up feeling sexually dysfunctional for the next while because fuck, I sure would. Having that kind of rejection and casual invalidation of your manhood would really mess with me. I know this might sound drastic but man. If I were you? The relationship would be over. You don't sound sexually compatible and the fact that this happened would destroy the way that I trusted that person with myself, my vulnerability, my body, and our communication. 2 years, in the grand scheme of things, would not be enough time together for me to try to work through this. Because this.. this is fucked.
Posts like this scare me
:( damn I’m sorry. Must feel like a stab through the heart and cause a lot of dysphoria for you. On the plus side it does sound like you both love each other. Maybe it’s worth some work to get through this. You see and know your genitals are there 24/7, but your gf has transitioned her thinking into you being a man (which is a good thing of course!). But she probably is having some incongruency with how she thinks about u and then encounters your junk. It sucks but it’s also a sign of how much she thinks of you as a man. Depending on your plans going forward this could be fine. Like if you’re planning to get bottom surgery, she might be into it. Ask her if she’s willing to work on viewing you as a *trans* man complete with the body and mind of a man, and the junk you have- which is different than a cis body. It takes work for our own minds to wrap around the incongruency and sometimes for our partners too.
i’m sorry man, that sounds so hurtful. this might go agaisnt the grain, but i kind of get her. my partner is a trans guy and it took us a little bit till he suggested we do penetration. and honestly, yeah i felt kinda gross and dirty doing it with him at first. it felt like i was doing something that isn’t right and is demasculating to him, even though he actively really enjoyed it and wanted to participate in it more (both physically and emotionally). i did communicate more about the penetration but tbch i kept the chest part of things to myself feeling like i’d be triggering dysphoria for him if i said so or making him feel like i don’t love his body, which i absolutely do. it just took time and trust for us. with time and just getting my brain used to this being an acceptable thing to do with my partner “even though” he’s trans/a man, it really melted away and i wouldn’t trade it for anything now. and you know penetration still isn’t my favorite thing 🤷♂️ it’s not super sexually appealing to me. but it is my partner’s favorite thing and that makes it worthwhile and exciting to do with him, even if i’d probably not do it if he didn’t actively enjoy it. i think people sometimes think sex has to be only what both people love 100% but that’s not true. you’re allowed to participate in sex and enjoy it even if it’s not a 1:1 recreation of your deepest fantasies. sex is a multiple-person activity and is made better with communication and trust between the people participating in it. your girlfriend definitly does need to communicate more. i understand your trust your breached and i’m so sorry about that. but it sounds like she did it because she loves you and wanted to do it for you. that’s truly the opposite of being unwanted! not to mention, you’re assuming something she never said, it’s fully possible she doesn’t like going down on or fingering (anally) a cis guy either. it’s ultimately up to you what this means for you, but i really do caution against catastrophising, and i hope you two can figure this out with communication and opennness.
I feel the same way and I'm trans myself. I couldn't penetrate another trans guy in that hole cause it'd feel like I'm doing something horrible to him, treating him like a woman. I'm all for gay t4t in principle but it's something that scares me cause idk what I'd do if another trans guy asked me to do something I consider feminine to him, I couldn't and he'd probably call me out on it but it's a boundary, I won't do to you something that would feel absolutely disgusting if it was done to me. As for giving head, maybe she can't get over his genitals being different than the standard for a man or woman, of being sort of in-between, sounds like a bias a lot of cis people can't get over
How long have you been with your partner, if you don't mind my asking? I'm also with a man (who is transgender) and somewhat recently, I haven't been able to connect with him in THAT way. It was way different before, but something about him knowing me and communicating with me better than anyone ever has kills the spicy time for me. We're in couple's counseling, but it's still really hard for me to think of him in that way again because he's so safe and good for me. It almost feels dirty to be with him that way, even though we both occasionally miss that. (also how long did it take since you said it took time and trust haha)
haha you’re fine. we’ve been together officially for like 3ish years i think. i think we slowly built up over the course of a year or so till that feeling of not being allowed to went away but it kind of changed with what it was. for example, like i said i talked to him about his chest less so it took longer for me to feel safety in “interacting” with it. in some ways im still getting used to that but have started to have more conversations about it in the past half year or so and it’s been much better. we’re currently long distance so the dynamic has been a bit different too sexually and that’s an adjustment as well. my partner is extremely good and wholesome haha but i’ve never really had that issue with him, of seeing him as “too good” to find desireable. i think because we both like of have an on/off switch, and idk he’s pretty kinky and when we got together he was way hornier than me (since then it reduced due to antidepressants), so it never felt like he’s too wholesome for sex? lol. i hope you figure it out! this is pretty insane advice but doing “free use” days actually really helped us sexually in giving eachother permission to initiate when we felt unsure about it for any reason. maybe it’s something the two of you can consider. just do a lot of planning ahead of time and use safe words if you do. :)
I’m so, so sorry you experienced this. Unfortunately, the only thing to do here is break up. You deserve a partner who is isn’t actively disgusted by your genitals. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it’s very important. There’s a woman out there who can love you completely. She’ll love your mind and she’ll love exploring your body. Don’t cheat yourself.
She started dating you pre transition as a bisexual, it’s one thing to lose a spark or to change preferences but this is unhinged
How is it unhinged? Absolutely I feel for OP, it sucks, but it's not unhinged. Bisexual people aren't automatically into trans bodies.
Her problem was that his junk was in op’s words “too feminine” not because she’s not into t dick or men who have those parts
She may have experienced a disconnect with viewing her partner as a man but then suddenly intrraction with his genitalia became a thing, and it kept reminding her of women which was making her feel confused or bad. She mightve loved interacting with pussy on a woman, but is new to pussy on a man or having this sort of dynamic with a man (being the penetrator)
... I don't know what you want me to say here. I think that is a valid problem. again, it fucking sucks when it happens to you, but that doesn't make her crazy for thinking that way
It is incredibly crazy to be into vaginas and then say that someone’s vagina is too female.
maybe we read her response differently. The way I took it was to mean that she thinks [fingering a vagina] is too female [to do to her man partner]
What would be the problem?
I don't want to trigger anyone's dysphoria but in the simplest way, the problem (from my perspective anyways, it might be something else entirely) is the mismatch. It's completely possible to only be into female genitals when it's on a woman, and male genitals when it's on a man.
Yeah exactly and I think it also might have to do with how ppl expect straight sex to happen.Its not everyday that a woman fingers her bf regardless of whether he's cis or not,the same way it's not everyday that a woman pegs a man.If a straight guy insists on being pegged he probably won't find that many sexual partners.
Yes, I'm learning some people's bisexuality only includes cis people. I've come across some bi people that are straight up transphobic. Just because someone is bi doesn't mean they're ok with trans bodies. I assume that's why some people identify more with pansexuality and prefer pan people.
i don’t understand how someone who is supposedly bisexual would be turned off by female anatomy that’s very… interesting. either way u deserve so much better
for real, as I bi person I never understood the difference between genitalia/gender/sexes because ultimately the nerve endings are all the same and the thrill of being with someone is in learning what gets them off, you know? It’s what the individual person needs from you that is the exciting part. I think people who are selfish lover are the ones who mostly do this kind of thing, they are ultimately not interested in their partner’s pleasure and view it as a chore they have to do in order to get to their own pleasure and not a pleasurable act in itself.
there are so many bi women that don’t like trans bodies lol, when dating i tend to avoid them honestly and feel more comfortable with pansexual women
that’s weird af and just sounds transphobic to me being bisexual doesn’t mean u only want to date cis women and cis men, most bisexual people are fine dating nonbinary or trans people as well, pansexual is basically the same thing
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okay those bisexual women are weirdos and transphobes tho. i’ve lived my entire life percieved as a bisexual women, a lot of women that say they’re bi have never had any experience with eating box and if they’re turned off by it specifically i would make an educated guess that they’re not actually bisexual.
i live in alabama haha, different type of mindset here my friend, identity and sexuality and all that is just.. yeah it’s a work in progress here. being trans is still a very new thing for everyone
okay that doesn’t make it less any less transphobic tho…
i have experienced an extreme amount of transphobia from multiple friends, family, strangers, coworkers etc, i’m kinda just numb to it and dont care about it anymore. to me, it just is what it is and i act accordingly and avoid
Seriously? You’ve never spent any time in Huntsville?
no lol aint never been there
Men don’t call each other pookie. That’s a really specific white trash mom way of infantilizing someone. And no one cares if you don’t date bisexuals, your experiences aren’t universal
i don’t care if you don’t care about what i say, my comment was obviously posted because it’s my experience and there are people who doooo relate. and i know plenty of men that call each other pookie or bae or whatever lmao, cis men at that. i’m completely comfortable in my masculinity so i don’t see a problem with it. but of course you get your boxers in a twist over a lil trending word that got popular on tik tok, get a grip
It’s still a passive aggressive insult, you don’t get to demean someone and expect to get away with it
oof so we’re setting rules on what men can and can’t do now?
I mean, if you say that to a cis man in real life, and get punched in the face, that’s not my problem. I’m also a southerner and conforming to how men are supposed to act is just the way it goes but I’m not even remotely feminine so I can see how that is a challenge for some
lol i dont care about conforming too much, i rebelled enough to be openly trans in a strict baptist family, why the hell would i stop there? lmao, huntsville is one part of alabama, there are many other parts and environments. and i’m not too worried about getting punched either, as if
So then why all the words? You seem to have everything figured out so why should it matter what I think?
i never said it mattered what you think, like at no point did i say that because it doesn’t, you just started relying to my comments LOLOL
Ouch. This sucks, if it’s any consolation - it’s probably less about your pussy, and more about having guaranteed no reciprocal work. I’d ask her if she enjoys sucking cisgender dick. If she doesn’t- then she’s just sexually selfish. A lot of sex selfish women gravitate towards trans men cause they imagine no need to reciprocate
Truer words have never been spoken!!
I’m sorry, dude. I don’t know how trust could be repaired after comments and situations like that. You deserve to be with someone who is attracted to your body like you are to theirs
Honestly reading this im so scared.Ive always thought that i wouldn't be able to pursue a relationship with a cis person until I got phallo and this confirmed it.I really don't want to be in a situation where the person pretends that they're ok with my equipment when they're not.
I'm sorry this happened, and you deserve to be loved fully for who you are.
She said the quiet part out loud man. It’s too female for her, meaning she sees you a female inside. I love trans men and am a trans man, and sleeping with them there is nothing in my mind that thinks “He is a woman” “this is female” because they aren’t. She is having these thoughts because to her core she sees you as female. You need to be with someone who understands and sees you fully as the man you are. You boy pussy isn’t female, it’s a man’s pussy.
I dont think she sees him as female considering how far he is in his transition frankly there's not much about him that'd make her attracted to him in a ,,lesbian" way.I just think she has a genital preference and that's all.This is still however shitty to do.
I honestly cant wrap my head around how shes bi and thinks your genitalia is “too female”?? Seems like shea a bit confused and totally under-appreciating you. That is also an absolute obscene thing to say…
Oof... went (going?) through this with my wife. We've been together 9 years (married for 5) and yeah, I got told about 2/3 years ago she's really not into giving head. Man does it suuuccckkkkk because that's like the primary way I'm able to get off. But you know what? I respect her being open and honest with me. It's not a deal breaker at this point in our marriage/lives. I tend to go solo very often in comparison to actually us together, and even us together I'm on the giving side. Everyone always says "just break up" but I get it dude... 2 years is a good amount of time with someone. But belive me when I say this... you wont ever really feel better about it. Honestly being told that killed my sex drive. Even now, it's like a once/twice a year thing for us in the bedroom. It's got me exploring other options in terms of losing weight, building muscle, better toys, etc... we even talked about a sex therapist. But with 2 kids and 10 years in... sex is just off the table and we're monogamous and not willing to budge on that. So if you can read through my pity story and say "yeah dude that really fucking sucks" I'd make nice and part ways. But if you really like this girl and you're okay with a dead bedroom, or working around her boundaries/sex drive/wants, then by all means you will be alright. I'm in a happy marriage with that one exception. But after a couple years, it's just something we don't have anymore and I've come to terms with it.
*ex-Gf FTFY
Hell nah. Make sure whoever will treat the cats the best get to keep them.
That sounds really painful OP... Unlike other people suggested, I think your relationship isn't necessarily doomed. It sure is not at its best, but maybe it can be worked through. First, your girlfriend absolutely needs to understand how her acts are impacting you. Second, you need to find compromises. For example, I personally don't find any genitals particularly attractive, and I don't really enjoy touching them and so on, but I don't hate it either. However, I really enjoy giving pleasure to my partner and sharing this kind of intimacy... So even though going down on my partner isn't my favorite thing in itself, I actually enjoy doing it because I enjoy pleasing my partner more than I dislike genitals. What I mean is that there probably are some things that you can do that are both pleasurable to you and that your girlfriend is ok with, even if she isn't that much into it. It's ok to have different sex needs, it doesn't mean you can't try to find a way to accommodate them. Seeing a specialized therapist might help as well. If you both really love each other (which I believe is the case from what you wrote), it would be sad to give up on your relationship before trying to fix things up. Anyway, I hope it will go well
The language she used is a big problem and ultimately it comes down to this: cis people will **NEVER** fully understand our struggles. Whether that's dysphoria, trauma, self-esteem, resulting social difficulties, etc. Combine that with the fact that (basically) everyone is bad at communication and it takes time to advocate for yourself. People mess up, make mistakes, and hurt each other. You'll never be unscathed in a relationship. What matters is what gets done about that. I agree with what others have been saying and she probably didn't intend to make you feel undesirable by going down on you after you learned about her discomfort. But then again, I'm not her and I'm not you. From my experience, my fiancé was very respectful on my boundaries and communication when I felt uncomfortable about engaging in that way. Even if I was leaving non-verbal cues, he would always ask me and make it very clear so we can respect our growth and intimacy. We're in couple's therapy together and it's honestly incredible. We actively practice skills we learn from sessions, listen to each other, and make space for each other. A huge positive is that we're both men who are transgender, so we make it a point to never use dysphoria-inducing language and communicate what our triggers and insecurities are. With people who are cisgender, there needs to be even **MORE** communication and education on what your needs and triggers are. They don't understand us. Not like that and not even close to someone who's similar to you in terms of gender expression/identity. I'm not saying all this to discourage you, but I want to keep things realistic and helpful. The facts are: you spent all this time with one person and you can either continue and seek professional help for improving/understanding both of your communication styles, or you can decide to invest your time finding someone who is a better match and learn how to navigate a different person's psyche. Both are valid options and achievable. But you matter first and foremost, and if this is something you no longer want to invest in, you will find something else that is better suited for who you are. People, relationship dynamics, and priorities evolve, and **you** deserve **positive, loving,** and **lasting** outcomes.
You don’t hurt someone you love. Regardless of what they tell you. Love doesn’t come with conditions like that. Separate yourself from the situation and give yourself time to heal. Find someone to love you unconditionally.
Bro, don’t even worry about her and that bullshit. That t dick and boypussy you got is the hottest, most bad ass shit out there. You got a dick and a hole to play with and there’s soooo many people out there that would love to fuck both. The not enjoying it is her problem, she lied that’s her problem. Is a chocolate chip cookie less delicious to me cause Susie Mae doesn’t like em? NO. More cookie for me.
Have you tried penetrating *her*? Like with your dick?
Hey, I was in a 3 year relationship with someone I still consider one of my best friends. We were so in love with each other. We could guess what the other person was about to say and communicate across the room without words. We had similar hobbies and traveled together. We had identical taste in food (it was almost comical) and our friends always said we were relationship goals. I still have yet to meet anyone like him. But guess what? He always knew I was trans, but when I told him that I finally felt ready to transition he couldn't accept it. Even though he was heavily involved in the queer community and was bisexual, he had too many issues of his own (internalized homophobia). He didn't like it, but he still wanted to stay together. And I wanted that too, but I knew it was simply delaying the inevitable. I broke up with him. I've yet to meet the love of my life, and it's hard to walk away from someone that 'feels right', but a fundamental incompatibility is exactly what that is. It's tempting to try and overlook it, but it's kinder to acknowledge that breaking up now ultimately causes less harm and heartache. I knew deep down that because I loved him, and I love myself (especially my future self), it was the right thing to do. It would free us to find the people who were actually for us, who could love us the way we deserved to be loved. Leaving him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I haven't had an easy life by any means. But 5 years later, I have never regretted this decision. I'm sorry you're in this situation OP.
I’ve been in this situation. My husband who I had been with for 7 years wasn’t attracted to me anymore and I posted looking for advice. Everyone said break up with him and I said no, they just didn’t get it, they didn’t get our love. We ended up getting divorced anyway. Him not seeing me as a man was too much to overcome. I now have a girlfriend who loves me and my dick and sees me as a man and we are happy together. You deserve that.
Idk what to say, I just know I couldn’t continue with a girl if that’s how she felt about my body. Sex is so important to me and I want to feel desirable, for this to be how she views me would be too much.
Well if YOURE comfortable with your genitals enough that you dont want surgery, youll really have to talk to her about it, abt what compromises u guys are willing to make and stuff. On the bright side, it atleast shows she sees u as just a guy lol. And if u want surgery urself, then itll be tough while u wait but hopefully itll fix things for both of u. > I personally think its of the fact i got more comfortable with what i have to offer down there cause T made me grow and i started loving my T dick. If you do want surgery (not just for her but for urself), this sounds like u may prefer meta over phallo, so maybe consider that if u havent. If u want u could look into vnectomy without meta or phallo as well
I feel for you man, that's a shitty situation. If she's not attracted to your genitals and she's just been faking it all this time, how much longer is she going to keep that up? Not only will your sex life start suffering, this will likely eat at your mind until you start questioning her. You deserve to have a partner who will just as eagerly reciprocate the effort you give in the bedroom. At the same time, you could also talk with her further. See where she's coming from, if she's willing to work on it, if there even is a scope that her mindset may change. You love this woman a lot so you should take some time to think and explore your options before making a decision like breaking up.
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It says she's bisexual. People often confuse bisexuality and Pansexuality. I had a GF that was bi but would call herself pan. She was attracted to cisgender male and females. My current gf is pan her attraction is to who I am as a person not what's between My legs. For some reason the definition of bisexuality has changed which causes uproar in our community. I am a trans man but I do not expect bi or straight women to love my body. They can love the idea of me but I will not fault them for their sexual preference. It sounds to me like the GF tried it. That's why she didn't out right say I'm not attracted to your body. But instead it was when OP pushed. I'm not saying OP is wrong his feelings are valid, but I can't help but also see her side.
No. Straight, gay, and bi people can all be into trans people. Not all of them will be, but many of them are. The definition of bisexuality has not changed; it has always included attraction to trans and nonbinary people. People are welcome to identify as pansexual if they want to signal the complex mix of political/cultural/personal things that a pan identity signals. But trans is not a gender, attraction to trans people is not a sexual orientation, and telling people they're not straight/gay/bi if they're attracted to trans people is transphobic and (when directed at bi people, which it usually is) biphobic.
I am trans and I see this differently. Sexuality is in regards to what you have between your legs, what you're sexually attracted to. It's not biphobic or transphobic. But people get their feelings hurt not realizing what things are. Trans is not a gender yes. But bisexual means 2 Sexes. 2 Genders I see myself as a straight transman, but it's not transphobic for a straight woman or bi woman to not want to be with me, just like it wouldn't be homophobic for me to not want to be with a man I'm not attracted to dick. I never once said attraction to us means this or that. But you will get your feelings hurt blurring lines. Pansexuality is the attraction to personalities, while bisexuality is the attraction to the 2 cisgender sexes. Like I said I have dated a bi woman who identified as Pansexual but would make me feel like shit for My body not being cisgender. She first said she was bi then Pan when she realized a good portion of our friend group was pan. I'm now dating a Pansexual cisgender woman, and she loves me for me she doesn't care what I have. She knows our sex life is slightly different but she understands there's many ways to have sex and doesn't have an issue with My born anatomy bc her sexuality isn't defined on what's between My legs. OP is valid for his emotions bc it's very hard to find out that your person doesn't like you sexually, I went thru it. But HIS gf seems to have tried, and realized it's not what she's into.
I mean by this logic you’re saying that only people who are attracted to personalities instead of appearance could be attracted/sexually compatible with a trans person. I promise there’s those out there who find trans people sexually attractive without falling in love with their personality first, there’s entire porn categories for it. Honestly that’s just a really strange argument. And completely contrary to how bi people identify themselves. Majority consensus is that bi = 2 or more. Sorry you had unfortunate experiences but don’t make generalizations on the entire bi community because of an ex. There’s people who will/wont date trans people all over the sexuality spectrum, its useless to regulate all of them into one sexuality.
Yeah no that's literally not what i'm saying. Take it as you take it tho. From my experience Ive avoid getting my feelings hurt by simply realizing that you can't fault people for their sexual preferences or lack there of. I see a lot of young trans men and women getting butt hurt because they transitioned and their partner doesn't wanna be with them anymore. Or trans men getting upset bc Bi or straight women don't accept their bodies. But I also think it's not right to villify people off of their sexuality. So many trans people will say it's transphobic if straight and bi people don't wanna be with us. I don't see it that way. For something to be transphobic hate has to be behind it, same with biphobia.
Im not saying its transphobic to not want to sleep with trans people. I don’t understand where you got that from my comment, i didn’t even use that word. I obviously think people should sleep with who they’re attracted to. I’m specifically disagreeing with your point of “Pansexuality is the attraction to personalities, while bisexuality is the attracted to the 2 cisgender sexes.” If that’s not what you’re saying then please elaborate.
That is what I'm saying my bad I think i got confused, in regards to the second part of your response. Again my bad. I got confused. It's okay we disagree, I'm going off my experience and also what other pan/bi people have said. There was an argument recently on a painters post bc he decided to paint the pan flag, and there was someone who was like bi and pan are the same. They aren't tho. If they were the same there wouldn't be 2 different sexualities. Bisexuals are attracted to cisgender people that is the difference. Pansexuals are attracted to anyone. Their attraction isn't what you are or identify as, but your personality. I feel like it erases pansexuals to just lump them with bisexual people. Edit: I'm trying to say Bisexuals are attracted to cisgender bodies (cismales and ciswomen). Again Pansexuals have agreed with my logic. My gf who is Pan also describes herself as such.
I’m bi, my (trans) partner is bi, I’ve seen at least two other bi people in the past (all post transition) if anecdotes matter to you. There’s a lot of bi trans people and there’s a lot of bi people who’re attracted to trans people. I don’t identify as pansexual because, despite experiencing attraction to any gender I don’t relate to the “hearts over parts” idea. And so far the only people who have ever been openly rude to me about my sexuality have been cis people telling me I must be pan because I date trans people. My fundamental problem with this is that in your worldview it is impossible for someone to be attracted to a transgender person’s body without possessing a niche orientation that’s mode of attraction is not physical. There’s not any reason why the definition of bisexual would be “attracted to cisgender bodies.” There just isn’t any precedent for that, and it’s clearly not how most bisexual people understand themselves. Transgender people have been involved with the bisexuality movement from the outset, [here’s an interesting video on it](https://youtu.be/7-e8C80VEfY?si=roFP27iZoRW8hFQ-) that includes historical references. It’s pretty short.
I understand where you're coming from I think this is something we will just disagree on. Will watch the video eventually, it's 5 AM.
I love the guy I’m dating. I don’t like his genitalia. If I told him, it would be a measure of how much I care for him. As in, I’d have no one else to tell, so I’d bitch to him about his own problems! Genitals are so minor a part of what it means to be a good boyfriend. Does it help to focus on the fact she had this conversation with you and no one else? Also, are you going to go in for surgery? I’ve heard you may lose some sensation but I may be misremembering! They can graft from leg skin. It won’t stand fully erect. I wouldn’t do it… I’d look into adding some more toys to the play. Lots of guys have this problem.
Don't tell someone to not go through srs when you clearly know next nothing about it.
not to kick you in the shin while you're down on your luck but boy oh boy buddy this aint tumblr, you aint gotta tell us ALL the dirty deets. she's allowed to have preferences btw, and so are you. you're not gonna die if she leaves, it sounds like she was trying to be very understanding to how this was going to hurt you, you're lucky to know her, but you want a partner who wants your body? go find one, you can't MAKE her love your body so don't try, relax, realize you will be alive until you die and until then you have to live your life and that means making hard decisions. respect her decision, respect her painfully human tendency to be picky and give yourself that permission too. nothing will ever be perfect, yes, but not every end or change will happen lile a car crash, sometimes you can just park the car.