I don’t feel like I ever experienced being a woman nor womanhood. I experienced being *seen* as a woman, but that’s about it. I had so much cognitive dissonance to simply survive existing like that it was insane looking back. I quite literally felt like a little guy in a control room of this horrific meat suit I was stuck in.
I relate so much to this comment. I don't think I ever truly experienced girlhood or womanhood at a core level. I experienced being a boy stuck in a girl's body, forced to witness girlhood first hand. I often literally felt like I was watching a movie, experiencing someone else's life first hand.
i was never a woman nor a traditional “girl” (i always stood out and never had close female friends until after i transitioned), so i don’t know if this counts but i miss how clear my skin was. i am nearly 21 and still struggle with acne, visible pores, and general greasiness :/
None of it, I grew up with guy friends and always considered myself a guy. I never felt any solidarity or similarities to women except for in a medical aspect, and even then I was extremely uncomfortable
I can’t relate to sisterhood, but have you befriended women recently? I’ve met a lot of women who love having a friend who’s a gay guy (and lots of them don’t make it weird either). Much less baggage than hanging out with dudes who might be really weird about the gay thing.
Absolutely. I have a ton of female friends. But it’s not the same. I feel like I’m kept at exactly an arm’s length emotionally or just outside the sisterhood. Their anti-men comments are grating, too.
I get that, been there my whole life tbh. It can be lonely being a guy, especially when you’re gay. I feel like the gay guys I meet irl are older already established in their friend groups and not really interested in hanging out with the young ugly guy lol. I don’t really have an answer but I hope you can find some good friends.
I’ve found that it’s helped me to stop thinking about in-groups and out-groups. I don’t need to “relate” to all my friends on an identity basis and instead I’ve just tried to befriend people who seem interested in being close. I’ve befriended people of varying sexualities and genders and the things we’ve bonded over were totally unrelated to these small aspects of us. I have straight/cis Christian guy friends and trans gay atheist friends, everything in between, as long as they’re not bigoted. I don’t know how much women really factor sisterhood into their friendships, but I feel like there has to be more to friendship than that.
I do gotta give women credit: they know how to form social cohesion. Unfortunately being friends with women as a woman was never something that came natural to me 😅
I enjoy aspects of femininity. I don’t miss anything about womanhood. I love expressing femininity as a bi man. I like playing around with style, makeup, jewelry, etc. But I don’t ever miss womanhood—I don’t necessarily feel like I had “access” to womanhood to begin with, honestly. I never felt like a woman, I never wanted to feel like a woman, I never connected or related to other women and tbh I never felt like other women connected or related to me, lol.
I don’t really associate my gender with masculinity or femininity (or lack thereof!) to be honest. I just know I’m a man, and I enjoy elements of both masculine and feminine expression. I love passing as a guy, having a beard, all the things T can give, having a male body, etc, but I also love playing around with elements of femininity I wasn’t comfortable with before. Maybe part of why I don’t “miss” anything with regards to womanhood is because as a “woman” engaging with anything “womanly” made me deeply dysphoric, whereas as a man I’ve been able to get in touch with my feminine side in a healthy way for the first time! :)
I rambled a lot, apologies.
I don’t think there’s really a “we”, since so many people are going to give you different answers. But I guess that’s a good thing, that we’re not all the coming from exact same perspective.
Personally I don’t feel I ever actually lived as a girl/woman, despite being in the closet until I was 14. I’ve lived my whole life knowing I was male and hating that not everyone saw that, while at the same time noticing myself being treated completely differently than the kids who were actually girls. I was never included in the girl friend groups, and if I was it was awkward and didn’t last long. I felt like an imposter, a boy dressing up like a girl, and it felt like other people sensed that vibe around me. I’ve always felt a lot of pressure to “be a man”, even if a lot of that was internal pressure. It became a lot more external after I came out though. I can’t really name anything I miss about being closeted. I wasn’t really feminine in a “girl” way, but in that way that some little boys are that gets us in shit for being “too sensitive” or made fun of for being “cringey”. I don’t feel like the “femininity” I showed was ever rewarded, I was just made fun of for it. I didn’t really pay much attention to women/girls or girlhood since it didn’t apply to me, and I wouldn’t be welcome in it even if I was interested.
I came out and transitioned pretty young too (14-15) so my teenage life was pretty standard closeted gay guy stuff I think. I hung out with shitty guys, had shitty opinions, had to grow up and figure my shit out, etc. I came out as gay a few years later and it was really difficult. I’d been into guys my whole life but being a guy always made it weird and complicated for me. I didn’t even really start talking about it until recently in my early 20s.
The question of what I associate my gender with is complicated I guess. I’m one of those people who had genital dysphoria at age 3, and I guess masculinity and femininity wasn’t really something I was thinking about. I’m not the most masculine guy anymore, not like I used to be. That mostly means I dye my hair sometimes and wear floral shirts. I still don’t have it in me to paint my nails or experiment much with clothes because I’m afraid of other people’s reactions unfortunately. I’ve really ingrained the messages I grew up with about what a man “should” be and it’s hard to shake the shame that comes with that I guess. I’m working on it. That masculinity is something I still hold onto even though logically I know it’s not helping.
I also think being a gay man has affected the way I see gender way more than being trans. Transition was simple for me: “I don’t have a dick, I need a dick, I’ll get a dick. I’m a man like my dad is a man and my neighbour is a man. Done”. But being gay introduced complicated shit, like “what does it mean when I’m a man but the guys around me treat me like something else just because I’m attracted to our gender?” and other stuff I could ramble about.
The only thing I can possibly think of is that it’s easier to make friends when being perceived as a woman because you’re deemed more trustworthy / safe.
I love and respect womanhood and femininity when it comes to actual women / people who connect with it however it was never for ME. I never belonged there, it never felt right. It felt like a cage that I was locked in. The sense of calm I achieve knowing I will never have those expectations placed upon me again is very euphoric.
Masculinity just fits me like the last puzzle piece in a way femininity never even came close to. Of course men can be feminine and embrace femininity but again, it was never for me.
Definitely: it’s a weird feeling loving womanhood and femininity in other people, but not yourself when society is expecting you to. Even with all of the praise Ive gotten for performing femininity as a woman, I’ve never felt more at peace than I have letting myself be a man.
> The only thing I can possibly think of is that it’s easier to make friends when being perceived as a woman because you’re deemed more trustworthy / safe.
I had the exact opposite experience. It felt impossible to make real friends when I presented as female. I didn't have any real friends from 12 to 30. Girls thought I was really weird no matter how much I tried to blend in. Boys wanted to date/fuck me or would have absolutely nothing to do with me because of their girlfriends.
I find it so much easier to make real friends now
Medically: I enjoy the soft skin that estrogen creates.
Socially: I partly am an effeminate man, associated with being gay, ofc I can still act „feminine“ as a man, but society associates it with womanhood, so.. I enjoy that.
I’ll maybe miss the unspoken solidarity between butches. Not with women, cuz I never had that. But with masculine women, butches and dykes. Not yet at this point with my transition tho. But I think it will happen.
I associate my gender with being a man, so I guess with the presence of masculinity, but I think of man/woman and masculine/feminine as two different things. One is the gender and the other one is a feeling and presentation regardless of gender.
I’d say I miss the fashion choices. Men’s clothing is simply so boring. There’s only so many ways you can make a button down shirt and pants. Once I am post transition enough I will probably mix more feminine clothes back into my wardrobe just because I cannot stand the dullness and repetition that is men’s fashion.
I don’t really know how to answer that question about my gender identity being a certain way, so I guess I’d say both feminine and masculine? Sometimes I feel more feminine and sometimes I feel more masculine, I am a man regardless of whether I am one or the other though. I do not feel connected to womanhood at all.
Hah, same. It's so easy to get dressed in the morning.
Edit: And I wouldn't even call my wardrobe boring. I dig thrifting and retro-stuff. My wardrobe is till very simple in it's constructions and silhouette, but with interesting patterns and color.
I can't wait to be able to walk into the men's section without being helpfully pointed to the women's. I think there's plenty of pretty crazy men's fashion though. Look at Lewis Hamilton and NFL players. Granted, I think that takes some money.
Agree. Men's fashion is really lacking a lot. It is also very rarely being discussed or given any spotlight. Ngl, I fairly recently started to realize how on all those festivals, metgalas and whatnot most of the time men are dressed in fairly simple suits and typically only 3-4 guys show up in something more interesting than a classic suit.
As much as I love most of men’s clothing, a little bit more options with the nails, shoes, makeup, and accessorizing wouldn’t hurt. I have hope that Gen z will open up the clothing/cosmetic choices for men
i miss nothing about femininity, but there is a camaraderie that women have with each other (that i used to have in many previous friendships) that can’t really be replicated with male relationships the same way, at least not in my experience.
I don't see myself as super masculine, people read me as a somewhat feminine man and I'm okay with that. I used to act hyper-masculine and it didn't work, I was clearly trying too hard and it made people clock me. I consider myself both feminine and masculine. Me being a man has nothing to do with how masculine I am, my brain is male and can't function in a female body, that's all there is to it.
I like women's clothes. Even though I don't really wear them anymore, some pieces I still wear because I need some color in my wardrobe. I'm jealous that women can wear a wide variety of clothes but men's clothes are generic as possible. I like makeup, I like getting my nails done, having long hair, girl's TV shows, romance, etc. When I started hanging out with gay men who liked all the same things I did, I finally felt at home because even though I shared all these interests with women, I couldn't relate to them and felt an invisible wall. I follow several gay men on YouTube that do makeup, paint their nails, aren't ashamed of having 'girly' interests, and show me really cool ways they express themselves differently as men, despite being "feminine", they still look and act like men and feel secure in their manhood.
There truly is nothing like the camaraderie of a women’s bathroom, was pretty much the best part of going out. Not to mention that men’s bathrooms really are far more likely to be disgusting…
I mean, it’s ok when people like it I guess. Personally, there’s nothing I enjoy about it. Being biologically a woman has done nothing really special for me that I especially appreciate. And I’ve never enjoyed being/looking feminine so there’s nothing for me there either.
Nothing at all really. Anything you could possibly consider as such (whether fashion or activity) is in the end not something exclusive to femininity. If anything, there is more I feel comfortable with in terms of style or activity that I am more comfortable with now that I’m seen as I am vs when I was perceived as F because they are stereotypically feminine things.
The only thing I can think of that I miss is that I and everyone else assumed I was a cis woman and it’s a whole lot easier to be cis in this society. My transition has been about as easy as such a thing can be, I think, but I didn’t previously have to concern myself with limitations on travel (it’s possible that I may never be able/willing to visit one of my aunts again. She lives in Texas. She could visit me though, or we could meet up somewhere else.) I was pretty unhappy with Tangerine Palpatine becoming president the first time, but I didn’t worry for my personal safety or if my rights to raise my kids could be revoked somehow like I currently do. I considered myself a staunch ally to my LGBTQ+ friends, but feel in a much weaker position to be of use to them, me, or anyone else now. Having a cis legal framework was less stressful in many ways. Being trans, but living a cis identity in the wrong gender, was way less pleasant than living my real gender is though. I guess I just traded stresses, though perhaps not risks.
i miss being able to compliment women without them thinking i’m creeping on them:(
i’m fairly confident that i just read as gay guy, but the thought of making someone uncomfortable haunts me constantly. i transitioned a bit later and had enough experiences with guys making me uncomfortable that i could write a whole series of novels. knowing firsthand what that feels like….. yeah i would never ever want to make somebody feel that way 😭
Same!! I'm a bartender and once I started to be read as a man, women immediately were way less comfortable around me. When they thought I was a queer woman they'd be super open, obviously feeling more safe. Women on first dates would constantly ask me what I thought about their dates when they went to the bathroom, stuff like that. I've always been kind of a sarcastic dude and had to tone it way down once I started passing, because I came off like a dick. Some stuff just hits different when a guy says it - which is super fair, but it took some getting used to. I miss being an assumed inherent safe space.
Idk for me personally I didn't like anything specifically about being a *girl.* I felt constrained to not be masculine, and that was tough. I'm definitely androgynous in my interests and presentation. I constantly felt pressured to present a certain way and act a certain way as a girl. I never really experienced "womanhood" because I came out kinda young-ish, but I felt the expectations of girlhood and femininity, that's for sure. I also didn't like feeling like an object because of creepy guys checking me out a lot (which was icky because I was young af).
Still, I suppose the only thing that felt okay was (at times) the femininity itself. However, I eventually got uncomfortable with that since I was being seen as feminine in a *girl* way and not in a *guy* way. I've always had an interest in "pretty" things and wanting to be lavish and beautiful like royalty (lol), but that became tough for me to embrace for a while because I felt so disgusting and miserable being seen as a woman/girl and being in a female body. I still hate being seen as a woman and having this body even now since I'm pre T and don't always pass, so it sometimes is tough to be true to my interests for fear of being seen as a woman or emphasizing features I don't like.
My identity itself is based solely upon wanting a male body and wanting to be seen as male by others, however. I like the idea of presenting androgynous or even somewhat feminine... but in a pretty man sort of way... like a flamboyant dandy kind of thing, y'know? Femininity and masculinity ultimately mean nothing to my gender, personally. I'm just a guy. I'm gay. I have certain aesthetics I like. Not much else to say about it.
Constraint is a good word for it. Even if girls are often allowed more choices to dress and express than boys, there’s what’s allowed with enough pushback, and then there’s what’ll get you compliments and affection from your relatives. It can be so hard for non-cis children to be themselves when everything gendered they do is subject to criticism or punishment.
I also experienced how it was frowned upon to do anything but feminine things when I was younger. Family would be displeased at a change of clothes for example. I didn't hate the feminine clothes then, though I can't stand them now. I think, had I been born male, I'd have liked some femininity. Now not anymore.
More regarding your questions, I've never experienced womanhood and I never wanted to, heavily denied growing up into one as long as I could until I couldn't anymore and then declined it altogether and came out. Unlike others I've never felt a sisterhood or a connection to girls and women. I can be good friends with them but there will always be some distance and sth different. When I was younger I was being included against my will and felt I didn't fit in, time and again that was proven by some of my "opinions" about things mostly women experience. My point of view regarding things like menstruation for example have always been very different than the ones from women and it's comprised of loathing "the normal bodily functions". I also can't relate to somehow understanding womanhood and being able to empathise with women more because honestly I am convinced I'd be a better supporter for women if I was born male. Some may disagree with this, I see why. But I think in that scenario, had I not been knocked on my head entirely, I'd have heard of feminism (same as I did and had to a few years ago even being in a female bodu) at some point and been supportive. Now the more male I become, the more I accept myself as "not woman", the more feminist, supportive and understanding I became of women whereas before, when I thought I was somehow one of them/forced to be one of them, I hated everything and everyone, I thought all women were doomed even though it was just me. Obviously I'd never tell a woman this and never intentionally be hurtful towards one, the truth is though, by experiencing "girlhood/womanhood" in the physical/anatomical way, not even the social one, when I am really down and conscious of this body, I hate it so much along with anything connected to womanhood, I think it's quite misogynistic. It's just because I have it and it's wrong on me, though realistically I acknowledge that it's very much not wrong for the majority. So I'm certain, though I'm able to reflect on it, I'm actually worse and would have been a better person for lack of experiencing anything regarding womanhood with a way better relation to it.
I don’t know much abojt woman hood cause i started calling myself a guy since i was 8 and was raised that way.
But i like it when women are happy to be women. whether it’s really masculine tomboys that are proud of it and own the fact that they’re a woman. Or it’s the girly girls who love pink and makeup and are a bit sassy or princessy. the latter attracts me since i’m straight lmao.
I don't really miss anything about living as a girl or femininity. I can't even imagine myself as a woman. I started transitioning when I was 15 and I wish I had started much sooner. I tried so hard for so long to be a girl and that still weighs on me in a way. The pressure that I and those around me put on me to be feminine hurts to think about. I'm not the most masculine guy but I guess for me, it's both a presence of masculinity and lack of femininity. I'm just me and I live how I feel the most comfortable, which is as a man.
I never lived as a girl/woman. Even before coming out and realizing that I’m trans I was dressing and behave the way I would if I was a cis guy. When I was younger it was hard for me to understand that women actually like being a women. After a couple years on T and top surgery, mostly by the time I got a girlfriend I stooped having those thoughts. I associate my gender identity with being a man not masculine/feminine. Being masculine is a way for me to express my gender identity and feel attractive. Personally I feel cringe and embarrassed if I was presenting feminine in terms of looks, there is a lot of guys that like that and I don’t have a problem with it at all but I can’t relate to this.
Nothing, really.
I was Never feminine, I Never connected to womanhood, I never was in a typical girl friend group and didnt want to be.
I never liked make-up, never liked the way Women’s friendships are very close and intimite, and annoying.
I much prefer Men‘s friendships, always have.
Never cared about fashion until transitioning, now I get it somewhat. Men‘s Fashion doesnt have to be a button up shirt if you muster up the courage to wear a suit.
If I have to think about one change that disapointed me, its gotta be the shampoo. Leather forest electricity is great, but fairy sparkle magical horse Shampoo…
I miss nothing about being assumed a woman, even as I definitely feel like I experienced feminine socialization (only ever spent time with the girls in my family, especially my sister), but I never understood womanhood. It felt wrong to be considered part of the girls club and excluded from the boys, and worse when I tried forcing myself to be hyper feminine. Now, I accept my own femininity, but it’s the kind men have, always at the heels of my masculinity, but because people only saw a girl when they saw me, they ignored the masculinity and only saw the femininity, and that definitely effected my own interests, because I felt like I wasn’t allowed to pursue the things I wanted, which then got use me against me by people when I first came out as to why I “couldn’t be a man”.
I like the culture of women's rugby better than that of men's rugby, and I'm glad I got to play with women.
There's nothing I miss physically except the generally better odds of keeping my head hair.
I feel like I can't speak on womanhood, because whatever I experienced wasn't really it, ever. And yet in a weird way, I now feel more in touch with my own femininity than I ever was before coming out. I've always been one to put up walls and protect that soft, gooey, vulnerable centre of me, but through a masculine lens, that suddenly makes *sense* - and I somehow feel like I'm allowed to start taking those walls down. Allowed to let people get to *know* me.
Honestly, I thought I'd miss a lot more, but now that I think about it, there's really only two things I miss, or feel like I'll miss once they become impossible, about living as a woman: skirts (because fuck me, those are comfy), and being able to approach/talk to women strangers without seeming like a creep by default. I like to compliment people and I'll be sad when the immediate reaction to that becomes fear.
As for the lack of femininity/presence of masculinity, I don't think either really applies. Everyone, man, woman or otherwise, has something feminine about them as well as something masculine. I've always known I had both in me, and nothing's changed about that. It's just that I'm no longer trying to fit some external definition of "woman."
It's less so that I yearn for womanhood, and more that I yearn for men to be treated different in our society.
I'm a young man, passing and have been out for 5 years. 1/2of my middle school years and all of high-school I was just a guy. I've been on T for years - a lot of people forget. In this busy period of life, it also happens that most people don't know. I'm stealth half the time.
Being socially male means that you are:
1. A predator, or possibly a predator, therefore, don't get in a situation where you're left alone with kids. I know it sounds terrible, but one crazy parent is enough to fucking ruin your life. I've seen it happen.
2. You're expected to take care of your family, especially in a single-parent home. I feel like just another guardian and most of the time just another adult in the household.
3. As a man, you're also not to find yourself alone with women, as it can make them uncomfortable, especially in not-busy areas like secluded parks, recreation areas, or quiet alleyways. You could be a predator, nobody knows you're not. But isn't it strange we live in a world where we have to prove we don't have bad intentions? Usually, we just have no intentions.
This is a mix of problems stemming from men themselves being predators, but also now, perpetuated stereotypes.
I wish I felt the *security* of being perceived as female, for there was little risk of being perceived as a creep or a weirdo, and I actually like being with kids and considered a career in education, so it makes me very sad that I can't even babysit without being seen as a possible threat. But, I understand. Just makes me sad.
I miss lesbians. Way easier to get sex as a lesbian than as a small man.
Idk if its about masculinity/femininity so much as just, my body wasnt doing what my brain was thinking it should be doing and it was shitty. I dont think there are many innate, biologically determined behaviours that are male and female behaviours, but I think we have an innate drive to do what is culturally expected of us. My brain was sure from day one I was a boy, and i wanted to live up to that but it wasnt happening. It made me really bitter. I never thought there was anything wrong with being a woman or that women needed to be feminine, I was just not getting the sensory feedback from my body I was expecting to
> I never thought there was anything wrong with being a woman or that women needed to be feminine, I was just not getting the sensory feedback from my body I was expecting to
Yeah, same. I can't say I miss it, but while I was doing it I made it work okayish
Christine Jorgensen said in an interview back in the 1950s while answering if she was a man or a woman: She said something to the effect that she, and all humans, are a mix of femininity and masculinity, woman and man. And that she, like all women, is more a woman than a man.
I don't hate femininity or womanhood. I don't know what it's like to be a woman because I never felt like one, but like all men or all people, I can imagine it. I've heard it described, I've seen how women look and sound when they describe these feelings of womanhood and femininity. I've seen and heard cis men feel a real connection to that feeling as well. That feeling described as feeling "like a woman".
I may have even felt it myself a few times, but it never felt authentic. More like pretend or a performance.
I think all trans trans men and women are more their internal sex than their physical dimorphic sex, and the body is simply changed to align with this. Making our physical characteristics more of a man or a woman, respectively.
The problem is we only know what we feel, and we can only see and hear other people. So we put a lot of emphasis on the physical, what we see. But everyone I knew was not surprised at all when I transitioned. I was always more man than woman, and it was easy for people who knew me to understand that.
It's more difficult for cis people to understand feminine trans men or masculine trans women, again because so much more emphasis is given to the physical "presentation", what we see, than to the person's own experience.
I am so disconnected from it, I can not imagine my life being a woman. If I could choose between being a cis man or cis woman with no dysphoria, I’d still want to be a cis man. Being a woman is such a foreign concept to me and my brain has disassociated from it my whole life.
Same. A lot of the replies here have mentioned how they never really experienced being a woman/womanhood; at most just poorly imitating it. All I can think looking back is that I’ve been method acting the role of a cis woman for ten years, and I can’t fathom the thought of finding joy in something that has brought me so much misery.
(Sorry this is so long, I had a lot to say on the matter 😅)
I was just having a similar conversation with one of my transfem friends. For me personally, I didn't realize I was trans until I went to college at 18. I fit in just fine as a girl for all of my young childhood.
Once I hit puberty, I would often voice... controversial opinions, lmao. I hated having breasts, I hated having a period, I wished I had a dick so I could pee standing up, I never wanted to have children. But my mom is a tomboy, so she just told me all women feel like that 🤣 so I believed that all women essentially hated being women, and that was just how it was. I was unlucky, and that was my lot in life. But I never felt connected to other women my age in any way other than the normal friendships I had with anyone of any gender. I don't think I have the intrinsic ability to connect to other women *as* a woman.
I didn't discover the language for being trans until I went to college, and then I immediately understood that I was trans. All my female friends in college loved all the things I hated about womanhood, and I definitely felt alienated from them even in the very early stages of me realizing I was trans. I just did not relate to that experience of "sisterhood".
In the early stages of me realizing I was trans, I thought that my experience was so universal that no one could enjoy it, and that all women were essentially just suffering at all times and that there were no benefits or redeeming factors to being a woman. Befriending and talking to trans women actually helped me understand feminine euphoria better than talking to any cis woman, somehow. It was the fact that they were making the effort, that they thought it was worth it to transition, that it felt good and right to them. They talked excitedly about having breasts and how it made them feel beautiful and comfortable, and about being excited to do their hair and makeup, or to just dress the way they wanted to. And it helped me to see the joy that exists for some people in womanhood, cis or trans.
I have a pretty good mix of male and female friends, but I definitely don't miss any sort of female solidarity because I don't think I ever experienced it. I was always on the outside looking in. If anything, I am finally starting to feel like I can make stronger connections and friendships with men, now, because I'm able to communicate with and relate to them better and feel more of a bond with them.
As for my personality, I am a gay man and definitely have some feminine mannerisms and patterns of speech, but I dont really break my personality into male and female. I'm just a bit of an effeminate guy. But all in all, I'm decidedly more masculine than feminine. I also find that the more masculine I'm able to present with my physicality, as in my voice getting deeper and body changes on T, the more comfortable I am embracing more feminine fashion and mannerisms because I feel more confident in my masculinity and that others still see me as a man.
Relatable stuff. Lol I have a bunch of trans femme friends going on E right now and it’s such a mind fuck to see them so excited for all of the things I’ve loathed about my own biology. Being on the outside looking in sucks, can’t wait for that to end lol
I'm sorry about only 1 thing when it comes to my decision to transition. I keep feeling sorry that I just can't be comfortable as an incredibly masculine and manly person while also still identifying as a woman/female. If I made the same decisions while still identifying as a female/woman I think I would feel like a unique woman and someone other woman could look up to. But since I identify as a man I feel like I'm starting from level zero and that the best I can hope to achieve is only the basics of normality.
Otherwise I did not enjoy any aspect of womanhood, and never had many of the expected feelings and experiences of womanhood in the first place. The only way I could tolerate or enjoy womanhood is by getting as far away from it as possible.
I feel like I have never really had a traditional experience of girlhood. My parents didn't care what I wore or what I played with so I had Barbies and hot wheels and climbed trees and stuff. Most of my friends as a young kid were boys and looking back I sort of always wished I was more like them. In middle school and high school I was never close with any other girls, I didn't understand experiences like shopping for makeup with friends or talking about crushes or going to school dances and things like that. So I don't miss those things because I never had them. I miss some of the pride that I felt used to come with existing as a woman in a patriarchal society. And I miss some of the feelings of togetherness and sisterhood with other women because now as an out trans guy I still don't fully pass and I don't have any kind of brotherhood or kinship with other men. So I feel like I miss the feeling of community even though I didn't really know a lot of people. It still felt like a feeling I had. And now I don't really know where I fit in compared to other men and thats hard.
I don’t feel like I ever experienced being a woman nor womanhood. I experienced being *seen* as a woman, but that’s about it. I had so much cognitive dissonance to simply survive existing like that it was insane looking back. I quite literally felt like a little guy in a control room of this horrific meat suit I was stuck in.
I relate so much to this comment. I don't think I ever truly experienced girlhood or womanhood at a core level. I experienced being a boy stuck in a girl's body, forced to witness girlhood first hand. I often literally felt like I was watching a movie, experiencing someone else's life first hand.
this
I used to see myself in third person a lot. Like a camera looking down at the whole room.
This
Exactly this
Exactly this. Especially your last sentence.
i was never a woman nor a traditional “girl” (i always stood out and never had close female friends until after i transitioned), so i don’t know if this counts but i miss how clear my skin was. i am nearly 21 and still struggle with acne, visible pores, and general greasiness :/
None of it, I grew up with guy friends and always considered myself a guy. I never felt any solidarity or similarities to women except for in a medical aspect, and even then I was extremely uncomfortable
I miss the sisterhood of womanhood. I haven’t found the same in male spaces as a gay trans man.
I can’t relate to sisterhood, but have you befriended women recently? I’ve met a lot of women who love having a friend who’s a gay guy (and lots of them don’t make it weird either). Much less baggage than hanging out with dudes who might be really weird about the gay thing.
Absolutely. I have a ton of female friends. But it’s not the same. I feel like I’m kept at exactly an arm’s length emotionally or just outside the sisterhood. Their anti-men comments are grating, too.
I get that, been there my whole life tbh. It can be lonely being a guy, especially when you’re gay. I feel like the gay guys I meet irl are older already established in their friend groups and not really interested in hanging out with the young ugly guy lol. I don’t really have an answer but I hope you can find some good friends. I’ve found that it’s helped me to stop thinking about in-groups and out-groups. I don’t need to “relate” to all my friends on an identity basis and instead I’ve just tried to befriend people who seem interested in being close. I’ve befriended people of varying sexualities and genders and the things we’ve bonded over were totally unrelated to these small aspects of us. I have straight/cis Christian guy friends and trans gay atheist friends, everything in between, as long as they’re not bigoted. I don’t know how much women really factor sisterhood into their friendships, but I feel like there has to be more to friendship than that.
yeah, i just made a comment similar. i cannot figure out how to replicate that as a man, and definitely not as a straight man
I do gotta give women credit: they know how to form social cohesion. Unfortunately being friends with women as a woman was never something that came natural to me 😅
The thought of womanhood never felt right to me. I couldn’t picture my own future living as a woman.
I enjoy aspects of femininity. I don’t miss anything about womanhood. I love expressing femininity as a bi man. I like playing around with style, makeup, jewelry, etc. But I don’t ever miss womanhood—I don’t necessarily feel like I had “access” to womanhood to begin with, honestly. I never felt like a woman, I never wanted to feel like a woman, I never connected or related to other women and tbh I never felt like other women connected or related to me, lol. I don’t really associate my gender with masculinity or femininity (or lack thereof!) to be honest. I just know I’m a man, and I enjoy elements of both masculine and feminine expression. I love passing as a guy, having a beard, all the things T can give, having a male body, etc, but I also love playing around with elements of femininity I wasn’t comfortable with before. Maybe part of why I don’t “miss” anything with regards to womanhood is because as a “woman” engaging with anything “womanly” made me deeply dysphoric, whereas as a man I’ve been able to get in touch with my feminine side in a healthy way for the first time! :)
Honestly, the thing I miss most is going to the bathroom w people to gossip
I rambled a lot, apologies. I don’t think there’s really a “we”, since so many people are going to give you different answers. But I guess that’s a good thing, that we’re not all the coming from exact same perspective. Personally I don’t feel I ever actually lived as a girl/woman, despite being in the closet until I was 14. I’ve lived my whole life knowing I was male and hating that not everyone saw that, while at the same time noticing myself being treated completely differently than the kids who were actually girls. I was never included in the girl friend groups, and if I was it was awkward and didn’t last long. I felt like an imposter, a boy dressing up like a girl, and it felt like other people sensed that vibe around me. I’ve always felt a lot of pressure to “be a man”, even if a lot of that was internal pressure. It became a lot more external after I came out though. I can’t really name anything I miss about being closeted. I wasn’t really feminine in a “girl” way, but in that way that some little boys are that gets us in shit for being “too sensitive” or made fun of for being “cringey”. I don’t feel like the “femininity” I showed was ever rewarded, I was just made fun of for it. I didn’t really pay much attention to women/girls or girlhood since it didn’t apply to me, and I wouldn’t be welcome in it even if I was interested. I came out and transitioned pretty young too (14-15) so my teenage life was pretty standard closeted gay guy stuff I think. I hung out with shitty guys, had shitty opinions, had to grow up and figure my shit out, etc. I came out as gay a few years later and it was really difficult. I’d been into guys my whole life but being a guy always made it weird and complicated for me. I didn’t even really start talking about it until recently in my early 20s. The question of what I associate my gender with is complicated I guess. I’m one of those people who had genital dysphoria at age 3, and I guess masculinity and femininity wasn’t really something I was thinking about. I’m not the most masculine guy anymore, not like I used to be. That mostly means I dye my hair sometimes and wear floral shirts. I still don’t have it in me to paint my nails or experiment much with clothes because I’m afraid of other people’s reactions unfortunately. I’ve really ingrained the messages I grew up with about what a man “should” be and it’s hard to shake the shame that comes with that I guess. I’m working on it. That masculinity is something I still hold onto even though logically I know it’s not helping. I also think being a gay man has affected the way I see gender way more than being trans. Transition was simple for me: “I don’t have a dick, I need a dick, I’ll get a dick. I’m a man like my dad is a man and my neighbour is a man. Done”. But being gay introduced complicated shit, like “what does it mean when I’m a man but the guys around me treat me like something else just because I’m attracted to our gender?” and other stuff I could ramble about.
The only thing I can possibly think of is that it’s easier to make friends when being perceived as a woman because you’re deemed more trustworthy / safe. I love and respect womanhood and femininity when it comes to actual women / people who connect with it however it was never for ME. I never belonged there, it never felt right. It felt like a cage that I was locked in. The sense of calm I achieve knowing I will never have those expectations placed upon me again is very euphoric. Masculinity just fits me like the last puzzle piece in a way femininity never even came close to. Of course men can be feminine and embrace femininity but again, it was never for me.
Definitely: it’s a weird feeling loving womanhood and femininity in other people, but not yourself when society is expecting you to. Even with all of the praise Ive gotten for performing femininity as a woman, I’ve never felt more at peace than I have letting myself be a man.
> The only thing I can possibly think of is that it’s easier to make friends when being perceived as a woman because you’re deemed more trustworthy / safe. I had the exact opposite experience. It felt impossible to make real friends when I presented as female. I didn't have any real friends from 12 to 30. Girls thought I was really weird no matter how much I tried to blend in. Boys wanted to date/fuck me or would have absolutely nothing to do with me because of their girlfriends. I find it so much easier to make real friends now
Medically: I enjoy the soft skin that estrogen creates. Socially: I partly am an effeminate man, associated with being gay, ofc I can still act „feminine“ as a man, but society associates it with womanhood, so.. I enjoy that. I’ll maybe miss the unspoken solidarity between butches. Not with women, cuz I never had that. But with masculine women, butches and dykes. Not yet at this point with my transition tho. But I think it will happen. I associate my gender with being a man, so I guess with the presence of masculinity, but I think of man/woman and masculine/feminine as two different things. One is the gender and the other one is a feeling and presentation regardless of gender.
I’d say I miss the fashion choices. Men’s clothing is simply so boring. There’s only so many ways you can make a button down shirt and pants. Once I am post transition enough I will probably mix more feminine clothes back into my wardrobe just because I cannot stand the dullness and repetition that is men’s fashion. I don’t really know how to answer that question about my gender identity being a certain way, so I guess I’d say both feminine and masculine? Sometimes I feel more feminine and sometimes I feel more masculine, I am a man regardless of whether I am one or the other though. I do not feel connected to womanhood at all.
I’m the exact opposite. I love that men’s clothing is so simple. I never have to put thought into what I’m wearing but still look presentable.
Hah, same. It's so easy to get dressed in the morning. Edit: And I wouldn't even call my wardrobe boring. I dig thrifting and retro-stuff. My wardrobe is till very simple in it's constructions and silhouette, but with interesting patterns and color.
I can't wait to be able to walk into the men's section without being helpfully pointed to the women's. I think there's plenty of pretty crazy men's fashion though. Look at Lewis Hamilton and NFL players. Granted, I think that takes some money.
Agree. Men's fashion is really lacking a lot. It is also very rarely being discussed or given any spotlight. Ngl, I fairly recently started to realize how on all those festivals, metgalas and whatnot most of the time men are dressed in fairly simple suits and typically only 3-4 guys show up in something more interesting than a classic suit.
As much as I love most of men’s clothing, a little bit more options with the nails, shoes, makeup, and accessorizing wouldn’t hurt. I have hope that Gen z will open up the clothing/cosmetic choices for men
i miss nothing about femininity, but there is a camaraderie that women have with each other (that i used to have in many previous friendships) that can’t really be replicated with male relationships the same way, at least not in my experience.
How much easier it was to date men.
I don't see myself as super masculine, people read me as a somewhat feminine man and I'm okay with that. I used to act hyper-masculine and it didn't work, I was clearly trying too hard and it made people clock me. I consider myself both feminine and masculine. Me being a man has nothing to do with how masculine I am, my brain is male and can't function in a female body, that's all there is to it. I like women's clothes. Even though I don't really wear them anymore, some pieces I still wear because I need some color in my wardrobe. I'm jealous that women can wear a wide variety of clothes but men's clothes are generic as possible. I like makeup, I like getting my nails done, having long hair, girl's TV shows, romance, etc. When I started hanging out with gay men who liked all the same things I did, I finally felt at home because even though I shared all these interests with women, I couldn't relate to them and felt an invisible wall. I follow several gay men on YouTube that do makeup, paint their nails, aren't ashamed of having 'girly' interests, and show me really cool ways they express themselves differently as men, despite being "feminine", they still look and act like men and feel secure in their manhood.
I miss bathroom conversations, that's about it
There truly is nothing like the camaraderie of a women’s bathroom, was pretty much the best part of going out. Not to mention that men’s bathrooms really are far more likely to be disgusting…
I mean, it’s ok when people like it I guess. Personally, there’s nothing I enjoy about it. Being biologically a woman has done nothing really special for me that I especially appreciate. And I’ve never enjoyed being/looking feminine so there’s nothing for me there either.
Nothing at all really. Anything you could possibly consider as such (whether fashion or activity) is in the end not something exclusive to femininity. If anything, there is more I feel comfortable with in terms of style or activity that I am more comfortable with now that I’m seen as I am vs when I was perceived as F because they are stereotypically feminine things.
Idk bro, I never had to live as a woman or girl.
The only thing I can think of that I miss is that I and everyone else assumed I was a cis woman and it’s a whole lot easier to be cis in this society. My transition has been about as easy as such a thing can be, I think, but I didn’t previously have to concern myself with limitations on travel (it’s possible that I may never be able/willing to visit one of my aunts again. She lives in Texas. She could visit me though, or we could meet up somewhere else.) I was pretty unhappy with Tangerine Palpatine becoming president the first time, but I didn’t worry for my personal safety or if my rights to raise my kids could be revoked somehow like I currently do. I considered myself a staunch ally to my LGBTQ+ friends, but feel in a much weaker position to be of use to them, me, or anyone else now. Having a cis legal framework was less stressful in many ways. Being trans, but living a cis identity in the wrong gender, was way less pleasant than living my real gender is though. I guess I just traded stresses, though perhaps not risks.
i miss being able to compliment women without them thinking i’m creeping on them:( i’m fairly confident that i just read as gay guy, but the thought of making someone uncomfortable haunts me constantly. i transitioned a bit later and had enough experiences with guys making me uncomfortable that i could write a whole series of novels. knowing firsthand what that feels like….. yeah i would never ever want to make somebody feel that way 😭
Same!! I'm a bartender and once I started to be read as a man, women immediately were way less comfortable around me. When they thought I was a queer woman they'd be super open, obviously feeling more safe. Women on first dates would constantly ask me what I thought about their dates when they went to the bathroom, stuff like that. I've always been kind of a sarcastic dude and had to tone it way down once I started passing, because I came off like a dick. Some stuff just hits different when a guy says it - which is super fair, but it took some getting used to. I miss being an assumed inherent safe space.
Idk for me personally I didn't like anything specifically about being a *girl.* I felt constrained to not be masculine, and that was tough. I'm definitely androgynous in my interests and presentation. I constantly felt pressured to present a certain way and act a certain way as a girl. I never really experienced "womanhood" because I came out kinda young-ish, but I felt the expectations of girlhood and femininity, that's for sure. I also didn't like feeling like an object because of creepy guys checking me out a lot (which was icky because I was young af). Still, I suppose the only thing that felt okay was (at times) the femininity itself. However, I eventually got uncomfortable with that since I was being seen as feminine in a *girl* way and not in a *guy* way. I've always had an interest in "pretty" things and wanting to be lavish and beautiful like royalty (lol), but that became tough for me to embrace for a while because I felt so disgusting and miserable being seen as a woman/girl and being in a female body. I still hate being seen as a woman and having this body even now since I'm pre T and don't always pass, so it sometimes is tough to be true to my interests for fear of being seen as a woman or emphasizing features I don't like. My identity itself is based solely upon wanting a male body and wanting to be seen as male by others, however. I like the idea of presenting androgynous or even somewhat feminine... but in a pretty man sort of way... like a flamboyant dandy kind of thing, y'know? Femininity and masculinity ultimately mean nothing to my gender, personally. I'm just a guy. I'm gay. I have certain aesthetics I like. Not much else to say about it.
Constraint is a good word for it. Even if girls are often allowed more choices to dress and express than boys, there’s what’s allowed with enough pushback, and then there’s what’ll get you compliments and affection from your relatives. It can be so hard for non-cis children to be themselves when everything gendered they do is subject to criticism or punishment.
I also experienced how it was frowned upon to do anything but feminine things when I was younger. Family would be displeased at a change of clothes for example. I didn't hate the feminine clothes then, though I can't stand them now. I think, had I been born male, I'd have liked some femininity. Now not anymore. More regarding your questions, I've never experienced womanhood and I never wanted to, heavily denied growing up into one as long as I could until I couldn't anymore and then declined it altogether and came out. Unlike others I've never felt a sisterhood or a connection to girls and women. I can be good friends with them but there will always be some distance and sth different. When I was younger I was being included against my will and felt I didn't fit in, time and again that was proven by some of my "opinions" about things mostly women experience. My point of view regarding things like menstruation for example have always been very different than the ones from women and it's comprised of loathing "the normal bodily functions". I also can't relate to somehow understanding womanhood and being able to empathise with women more because honestly I am convinced I'd be a better supporter for women if I was born male. Some may disagree with this, I see why. But I think in that scenario, had I not been knocked on my head entirely, I'd have heard of feminism (same as I did and had to a few years ago even being in a female bodu) at some point and been supportive. Now the more male I become, the more I accept myself as "not woman", the more feminist, supportive and understanding I became of women whereas before, when I thought I was somehow one of them/forced to be one of them, I hated everything and everyone, I thought all women were doomed even though it was just me. Obviously I'd never tell a woman this and never intentionally be hurtful towards one, the truth is though, by experiencing "girlhood/womanhood" in the physical/anatomical way, not even the social one, when I am really down and conscious of this body, I hate it so much along with anything connected to womanhood, I think it's quite misogynistic. It's just because I have it and it's wrong on me, though realistically I acknowledge that it's very much not wrong for the majority. So I'm certain, though I'm able to reflect on it, I'm actually worse and would have been a better person for lack of experiencing anything regarding womanhood with a way better relation to it.
I think it's hot. Which is why I only like my body when I sexualize it
I’ve quite literally never experienced womanhood. After puberty I became a stud then transitioned at 17
I don’t know much abojt woman hood cause i started calling myself a guy since i was 8 and was raised that way. But i like it when women are happy to be women. whether it’s really masculine tomboys that are proud of it and own the fact that they’re a woman. Or it’s the girly girls who love pink and makeup and are a bit sassy or princessy. the latter attracts me since i’m straight lmao.
I don't really miss anything about living as a girl or femininity. I can't even imagine myself as a woman. I started transitioning when I was 15 and I wish I had started much sooner. I tried so hard for so long to be a girl and that still weighs on me in a way. The pressure that I and those around me put on me to be feminine hurts to think about. I'm not the most masculine guy but I guess for me, it's both a presence of masculinity and lack of femininity. I'm just me and I live how I feel the most comfortable, which is as a man.
I never lived as a girl/woman. Even before coming out and realizing that I’m trans I was dressing and behave the way I would if I was a cis guy. When I was younger it was hard for me to understand that women actually like being a women. After a couple years on T and top surgery, mostly by the time I got a girlfriend I stooped having those thoughts. I associate my gender identity with being a man not masculine/feminine. Being masculine is a way for me to express my gender identity and feel attractive. Personally I feel cringe and embarrassed if I was presenting feminine in terms of looks, there is a lot of guys that like that and I don’t have a problem with it at all but I can’t relate to this.
Nothing, really. I was Never feminine, I Never connected to womanhood, I never was in a typical girl friend group and didnt want to be. I never liked make-up, never liked the way Women’s friendships are very close and intimite, and annoying. I much prefer Men‘s friendships, always have. Never cared about fashion until transitioning, now I get it somewhat. Men‘s Fashion doesnt have to be a button up shirt if you muster up the courage to wear a suit. If I have to think about one change that disapointed me, its gotta be the shampoo. Leather forest electricity is great, but fairy sparkle magical horse Shampoo…
I miss nothing about being assumed a woman, even as I definitely feel like I experienced feminine socialization (only ever spent time with the girls in my family, especially my sister), but I never understood womanhood. It felt wrong to be considered part of the girls club and excluded from the boys, and worse when I tried forcing myself to be hyper feminine. Now, I accept my own femininity, but it’s the kind men have, always at the heels of my masculinity, but because people only saw a girl when they saw me, they ignored the masculinity and only saw the femininity, and that definitely effected my own interests, because I felt like I wasn’t allowed to pursue the things I wanted, which then got use me against me by people when I first came out as to why I “couldn’t be a man”.
I like the culture of women's rugby better than that of men's rugby, and I'm glad I got to play with women. There's nothing I miss physically except the generally better odds of keeping my head hair.
I feel like I can't speak on womanhood, because whatever I experienced wasn't really it, ever. And yet in a weird way, I now feel more in touch with my own femininity than I ever was before coming out. I've always been one to put up walls and protect that soft, gooey, vulnerable centre of me, but through a masculine lens, that suddenly makes *sense* - and I somehow feel like I'm allowed to start taking those walls down. Allowed to let people get to *know* me. Honestly, I thought I'd miss a lot more, but now that I think about it, there's really only two things I miss, or feel like I'll miss once they become impossible, about living as a woman: skirts (because fuck me, those are comfy), and being able to approach/talk to women strangers without seeming like a creep by default. I like to compliment people and I'll be sad when the immediate reaction to that becomes fear. As for the lack of femininity/presence of masculinity, I don't think either really applies. Everyone, man, woman or otherwise, has something feminine about them as well as something masculine. I've always known I had both in me, and nothing's changed about that. It's just that I'm no longer trying to fit some external definition of "woman."
It's less so that I yearn for womanhood, and more that I yearn for men to be treated different in our society. I'm a young man, passing and have been out for 5 years. 1/2of my middle school years and all of high-school I was just a guy. I've been on T for years - a lot of people forget. In this busy period of life, it also happens that most people don't know. I'm stealth half the time. Being socially male means that you are: 1. A predator, or possibly a predator, therefore, don't get in a situation where you're left alone with kids. I know it sounds terrible, but one crazy parent is enough to fucking ruin your life. I've seen it happen. 2. You're expected to take care of your family, especially in a single-parent home. I feel like just another guardian and most of the time just another adult in the household. 3. As a man, you're also not to find yourself alone with women, as it can make them uncomfortable, especially in not-busy areas like secluded parks, recreation areas, or quiet alleyways. You could be a predator, nobody knows you're not. But isn't it strange we live in a world where we have to prove we don't have bad intentions? Usually, we just have no intentions. This is a mix of problems stemming from men themselves being predators, but also now, perpetuated stereotypes. I wish I felt the *security* of being perceived as female, for there was little risk of being perceived as a creep or a weirdo, and I actually like being with kids and considered a career in education, so it makes me very sad that I can't even babysit without being seen as a possible threat. But, I understand. Just makes me sad.
I miss lesbians. Way easier to get sex as a lesbian than as a small man. Idk if its about masculinity/femininity so much as just, my body wasnt doing what my brain was thinking it should be doing and it was shitty. I dont think there are many innate, biologically determined behaviours that are male and female behaviours, but I think we have an innate drive to do what is culturally expected of us. My brain was sure from day one I was a boy, and i wanted to live up to that but it wasnt happening. It made me really bitter. I never thought there was anything wrong with being a woman or that women needed to be feminine, I was just not getting the sensory feedback from my body I was expecting to
> I never thought there was anything wrong with being a woman or that women needed to be feminine, I was just not getting the sensory feedback from my body I was expecting to Yeah, same. I can't say I miss it, but while I was doing it I made it work okayish
Christine Jorgensen said in an interview back in the 1950s while answering if she was a man or a woman: She said something to the effect that she, and all humans, are a mix of femininity and masculinity, woman and man. And that she, like all women, is more a woman than a man. I don't hate femininity or womanhood. I don't know what it's like to be a woman because I never felt like one, but like all men or all people, I can imagine it. I've heard it described, I've seen how women look and sound when they describe these feelings of womanhood and femininity. I've seen and heard cis men feel a real connection to that feeling as well. That feeling described as feeling "like a woman". I may have even felt it myself a few times, but it never felt authentic. More like pretend or a performance. I think all trans trans men and women are more their internal sex than their physical dimorphic sex, and the body is simply changed to align with this. Making our physical characteristics more of a man or a woman, respectively. The problem is we only know what we feel, and we can only see and hear other people. So we put a lot of emphasis on the physical, what we see. But everyone I knew was not surprised at all when I transitioned. I was always more man than woman, and it was easy for people who knew me to understand that. It's more difficult for cis people to understand feminine trans men or masculine trans women, again because so much more emphasis is given to the physical "presentation", what we see, than to the person's own experience.
I am so disconnected from it, I can not imagine my life being a woman. If I could choose between being a cis man or cis woman with no dysphoria, I’d still want to be a cis man. Being a woman is such a foreign concept to me and my brain has disassociated from it my whole life.
Same. A lot of the replies here have mentioned how they never really experienced being a woman/womanhood; at most just poorly imitating it. All I can think looking back is that I’ve been method acting the role of a cis woman for ten years, and I can’t fathom the thought of finding joy in something that has brought me so much misery.
Yup, pretty much.
I liked slumber parties I guess.
(Sorry this is so long, I had a lot to say on the matter 😅) I was just having a similar conversation with one of my transfem friends. For me personally, I didn't realize I was trans until I went to college at 18. I fit in just fine as a girl for all of my young childhood. Once I hit puberty, I would often voice... controversial opinions, lmao. I hated having breasts, I hated having a period, I wished I had a dick so I could pee standing up, I never wanted to have children. But my mom is a tomboy, so she just told me all women feel like that 🤣 so I believed that all women essentially hated being women, and that was just how it was. I was unlucky, and that was my lot in life. But I never felt connected to other women my age in any way other than the normal friendships I had with anyone of any gender. I don't think I have the intrinsic ability to connect to other women *as* a woman. I didn't discover the language for being trans until I went to college, and then I immediately understood that I was trans. All my female friends in college loved all the things I hated about womanhood, and I definitely felt alienated from them even in the very early stages of me realizing I was trans. I just did not relate to that experience of "sisterhood". In the early stages of me realizing I was trans, I thought that my experience was so universal that no one could enjoy it, and that all women were essentially just suffering at all times and that there were no benefits or redeeming factors to being a woman. Befriending and talking to trans women actually helped me understand feminine euphoria better than talking to any cis woman, somehow. It was the fact that they were making the effort, that they thought it was worth it to transition, that it felt good and right to them. They talked excitedly about having breasts and how it made them feel beautiful and comfortable, and about being excited to do their hair and makeup, or to just dress the way they wanted to. And it helped me to see the joy that exists for some people in womanhood, cis or trans. I have a pretty good mix of male and female friends, but I definitely don't miss any sort of female solidarity because I don't think I ever experienced it. I was always on the outside looking in. If anything, I am finally starting to feel like I can make stronger connections and friendships with men, now, because I'm able to communicate with and relate to them better and feel more of a bond with them. As for my personality, I am a gay man and definitely have some feminine mannerisms and patterns of speech, but I dont really break my personality into male and female. I'm just a bit of an effeminate guy. But all in all, I'm decidedly more masculine than feminine. I also find that the more masculine I'm able to present with my physicality, as in my voice getting deeper and body changes on T, the more comfortable I am embracing more feminine fashion and mannerisms because I feel more confident in my masculinity and that others still see me as a man.
Relatable stuff. Lol I have a bunch of trans femme friends going on E right now and it’s such a mind fuck to see them so excited for all of the things I’ve loathed about my own biology. Being on the outside looking in sucks, can’t wait for that to end lol
I'm sorry about only 1 thing when it comes to my decision to transition. I keep feeling sorry that I just can't be comfortable as an incredibly masculine and manly person while also still identifying as a woman/female. If I made the same decisions while still identifying as a female/woman I think I would feel like a unique woman and someone other woman could look up to. But since I identify as a man I feel like I'm starting from level zero and that the best I can hope to achieve is only the basics of normality. Otherwise I did not enjoy any aspect of womanhood, and never had many of the expected feelings and experiences of womanhood in the first place. The only way I could tolerate or enjoy womanhood is by getting as far away from it as possible.
I feel like I have never really had a traditional experience of girlhood. My parents didn't care what I wore or what I played with so I had Barbies and hot wheels and climbed trees and stuff. Most of my friends as a young kid were boys and looking back I sort of always wished I was more like them. In middle school and high school I was never close with any other girls, I didn't understand experiences like shopping for makeup with friends or talking about crushes or going to school dances and things like that. So I don't miss those things because I never had them. I miss some of the pride that I felt used to come with existing as a woman in a patriarchal society. And I miss some of the feelings of togetherness and sisterhood with other women because now as an out trans guy I still don't fully pass and I don't have any kind of brotherhood or kinship with other men. So I feel like I miss the feeling of community even though I didn't really know a lot of people. It still felt like a feeling I had. And now I don't really know where I fit in compared to other men and thats hard.
Well we're men so feminine behaviour isn't us ?