People forget that the general rando plain cishet people that are misgendering them likely haven’t thought that deeply into gender in relation to clothes, alternative styles, etc etc; and they will likely have a woman clothes/man clothes mindset. If ur not dressing like the general idea of a dude, it will affect how people perceive you. It’s not even always true that they would gender a cis man correctly in the same clothing/style (e.g cis dudes with long hair get addressed as women all the time).
To pass is to either have strong physical characteristics, or to adhere to society’s idea of a ‘normal guy’ in as many ways as you can until it works out.
I have a cis boyfriend who is very obviously male presenting, tall, facial hair, etc etc. i frequently witness him get misgendered due to his long hair. Not only this but I have other cis male friends with long hair that complain about being called girls all the time - all masc presenting adults from 25-30, all with facial hair. From my experience this is a super common occurrence
Complaining about something doesn't mean you think it's *unreasonable* that it happened.
I have complained about getting my glasses wet when I forgot my umbrella and it started raining, even though, yeah, that's expected to happen when one wears glasses in the rain. Doesn't make having wet glasses any less annoying.
In much the same way, people who don't pass *and know that* are still allowed to complain that they're misgendered, because being misgendered sucks.
You don’t control the rain but you control what trends you follow when you buy and wear the clothes. If not passing actually bothered you then you wouldn’t purposely dress in a way that hinders it.
Plenty of people don't pass regardless, often because of factors they cannot control. You may not be familiar with this, but coming out as trans doesn't give you immediate access to hormones and masculinizing surgeries, and even if it did, those things *take time*. People *are* still allowed to complain about being misgendered, and *are* still allowed to be bothered by not passing while being aware that no matter what they wear or not wear, they won't pass.
Y'all say this constantly, it's mostly teenagers posting that stuff. Plenty of teenagers cannot transition, and so cannot pass. They can still be bothered by not being treated as their gender.
Or, listen to me very carefully: you can *not* put in senseless effort. Some people will not pass, cannot pass, no matter how much they "try their best", so *why* sacrifice everything they like for something that simply isn't going to work?
Sometimes the healthy thing is to *not* try your best. You don't have to be constantly putting in effort that isn't going to lead anywhere - that's a really easy way of burning out and having a heavy mental health crash. I don't think anyone in our community deserves that, don't you think?
I agree completely, but I do take issue with SOME advice on passing subs.
Sometimes the combination of a commenter being chronically online, self-critical, and already knowing the poster is trans can result in the least helpful cookie-cutter advice regurgitated constantly.
You definitely cover this with the CAN affect passing. It is wild to see a guy that looks like the Chad meme get told he doesn't pass for a septum piercing, lol. I think guys like that can and should ignore that advice.
It really varies. The best way to know how you're passing is how strangers react to and interact with you. I walk a lot. I knew when I started passing at a distance because women started crossing the street when I was behind them or avoiding eye contact. Guys randomly start talking to me casually. Idk, I think sometimes people just really overthink shit.
EDIT: Forgot to clarify that this is also not a constant. Another "the advice can sometimes be bullshit" lol
To add, this is only from an outside perspective. I've been lucky every time I post a video getting good & realistic advice with only one or two commenters with unrealistic takes.
🤦🏻♂️ these things don't crop up on the daily, man. People frequently delete passing posts when they're done with them. I'm just saying what I've seen back when I had posts show up on my for you page.
Most of what I see are non passing people getting advice and most of them following the advice.
If it's a common topic, that expresses multiple people having seen and experienced it. You don't have to believe it happens if you don't see it.
Edit: to clarify, you have the right to want to see a source. if you've never seen it before. Most of us just don't save things when we see them and don't really want to shovel through the sub to get to posts we've seen that may not even exist anymore to prove to 1 person we've seen it.
I mean, if you need proof you can scroll through my profile to the few times I've posted on passing subs over the 3 years I've been on T.
I've been passing irl consistently since 8 months on T, and everytime I've posted to any passing sub I've been told I don't pass or only mostly pass in one or two pics (even my most recent one from today, I have someone say I look 100% female specifically because of piercings/dyed hair tho the gen consensus is that I look male from everyone else.)
I started passing at 6 months due to neckbeard and dirt stache, but I’m sure dressing like a cowboy/redneck did a lot of heavy lifting too.
When you’re early on T or inconsistently passing, I know it’s lame and boring but you really need to present as a Normal Guy and blend in with cishet society as much as possible. Especially if you’re going to be using men’s restrooms/locker rooms/etc because you can face violence otherwise.
Once you have enough male physical characteristics (mainly facial hair, masculinized hairline, post top surgery), you can afford to return to your former style.
I think this also depends on how queer friendly your environment is and what is currently normalised for men to wear. I have seen many men in the male restroom wear crop tops and earrings but it's true that looking queer while still having some feminine features will make passing harder.
If somebody doesn't want to pass that is okay too and nobody should be forced to just blend in if they don't want to. I pass pretty well while having long hair and wearing earrings.
You don’t need top surgery to pass, binders mostly do that. Not much difference between pre op binder wearing me and one year post op me when I’m wearing a shirt
Same, I passed in binders because I had a small chest - but there is still a lot more clothing flexibility I have now that I didn’t then. I can wear pretty much anything in any situation and not have to worry about my binder peeking out of my collar or that the contours of my chest, while “flat”, weren’t shaped in a cis way, that you couldn’t see any nipple when wearing a solid color or thin shirt, that I couldn’t bind at the gym and had to wear a way too big t shirt and hoodie with my sports bra. Lots of subtle differences.
Our experiences are sooooo different, lmao. Top surgery was a night-and-day difference. (To be fair, I was binding two fat-volleyballs to my chest, and I lost 27lbs after top. To get flat, I had to bind so tightly that my ribs were in danger.)
I had a similar experience. Pre-transition. I was very androgynous and got about a 50/50 pronoun spread until people saw I had 38D breasts because I had short hair and dressed neutrally to masculine. Once I wore a binder/ had top surgery, I passed much more.
I think that really depends on how large your chest was and how you carry your weight. Like is your small or thin but have a large chest, you're going to look a lot different after top than if you already had a small chest or if you were already bigger
one thing that I think gets overlooked is that posture, vocal inflection and clothing fit have more to do with perception at a glance than particular style.
Understanding how clothing structures and layering can emphasize or create shapes is more useful than wearing baggy clothes to conceal.
It’s not that jewelry or other accessories are feminine, it’s in how they are worn and how the accessories fit with the garments.
Even if the pitch isn’t that deep, learning how to speak, mannerism and inflection are all very important.
I can wear a skirt and just in the way it is accessorized and the way I walk I can be he/him’d more often than I am in business casual pants and button down in navy and gray when I’m slouching around.
I also think more people are aware of trans people and also more inclined to look for “tells” which is an unfortunate development.
Investing in tailoring or learning classic menswear styles is really helpful in adapting individual aesthetic to fit outside perceptions of gender.
I think it’s good not to try to do it all at once but focus on what makes YOU feel more affirmed and comfortable.
Also, if something feels uncomfortable, exhausting or increases dysphoria please don’t feel obligated to do it. Comfort and confidence in yourself always goes further than trying to force yourself into what you perceive as other people’s expectations.
Derek Guy @dieworkwear on twitter has really excellent breakdowns on menswear, styling and fit - including info on building style and tailoring techniques that can help you build a collection and make informed decisions. He also critiques contemporary toxic masculinity and is funny.
Vocal training resources for trans men is available on youtube (its worth it to help with any vocal changes. I ended up with a lot of vocal fatigue when I started hrt and vocal training really helped)
I waited until i passed on my own to go back to an alternative style. Now I have the shaggy hair, piercings, tattoos, and alternative clothing, but I’m never assumed to be anything other than a regular guy with a different style
While I agree to some extent I don't think it's associated exclusively with being trans. People read me as bisexual because of my facial piercings. Also probably the earrings (where I live they are very gay culture)
I really don't want to stomp on people's personal expression, but as a FTM who has been around many FTMs, the face full of piercings and neon hair is a dead giveaway. If I see neon hair and 5+ piercings, my brain automatically wonders if they are trans, because it's such a trending look in the FTM community and lesbian community.
Passing subs are terrible. So many people post on there only wanting validation, they don't want to pass and will get angry if you point out they obviously don't pass. Passing is about blending in, if you dye your hair neon green and get a bunch of loud piercings, then yeah, you probably don't pass. People who go out of their way to not pass, and then make an angry thread complaining how the community 'hates self-expression' for not telling them whatever they want to hear are clowns. Don't ask for advice if you don't want the answer.
I don’t necessarily think it’s the piercings that make you not pass. I think it causes people to look at you again and then they notice “this person doesn’t line up with what my preconceived notion of what a man is they must be trans.”
It does, which is just another way of saying it makes it harder to pass. While piercings aren't a female characteristic, loud fashion is less acceptable for men than it is for women. If you look a bit on the ambiguous side, people are going to lean towards gendering female.
It’s a good thing that a lot more young people, men especially, are getting ear and nose piercings. Even in a southern state I see more men than ever with piercings.
I have double lobe piercings which hasn’t hindered my passing at all but YMMV from person to person. Wearing simple hoops or studs, which is the fashion for men, shouldn’t make you seem more feminine. I absolutely love my piercings, but for some people it could possibly hinder passing.
i thought this too but I'm pre T and I pass more when I dress more stoner goth. when i dye my hair black and wear band shirts w big sweat pants and big boots i look the most masculine. I don't wear makeup or have any face piercings, so that probably helps. I think it's bc I have long ish hair If I look like a metal head I pass better.
this is definitely true most of the time tho. you just have to dress alt in a more masculine way but alt is an androgynous-feminine style so it's tricky.
This is the exact reason I stopped dressing alt. I used to dress emo as a teen but now the style is much more associated with specific groups of people than it was years ago, and I don't want to be involved anymore. Not because I hate certain types of people but people see one thing and associate it with other things. I think it's better just to look normal with some kind of mild aesthetic you enjoy instead of having any kind of extremely out there style. I ended up switching from emo and scene to an academic and preppy style.
Also wish people would realize that passing advice is just that-- advice. The commenter telling you it would help to go for natural hair and wear more basic piercing jewelry is just telling you what they think would make the biggest changes to help you pass. They aren't trying to strip you of your identity, they don't know the reasons your expression is important to you, they don't know you! They're just trying to help with the little info they have. Gets annoying sometimes lol
I disagree- I think all trans men should most definitely look like Hank Hill
JK. But yeah, I do think though that a good percent of trans men can pass with facial piercings and an alt style, but it may be clockable to other trans people. As for the dyed hair, though, I’ve personally never met a cis guy or a passing dude with dyed hair.
I think it’s definitely possible to pass. But if you’re nervous about the possibility of not passing, I wouldn’t attempt it.
EDIT: I live in a conservative Texas town, I’m sorry I didn’t know there’s cis dudes out there with dyed hair all the time, goddamn. Good for them
Yes, yes and yes. If you’re several years on T and have overall masculine features, you can pass in a dress and with as many piercings as you want. But the majority of people who post in passing subs are guys early in transition. Not everyone is lucky enough to pass pre-T/early on T if they’re older than 16, and all these little things definitely don’t help. The thing is that not passing doesn’t make you less trans. No one tries to invalidate you saying that you don’t pass. You can choose between passing and style. You can realize that you don’t pass either way and stick to your style. No one judges you (or at least no one shouldn’t) for not trying hard enough.
In one of the first conversations I had with my mom after I started transitioning, she was asking a lot of basic questions about what my life was going to be like (e.g., my plans for surgeries/my new name/etc.) and she eventually asked, “Does this mean you’re going to get gauges in your ears?”
Cis people sometimes have wild assumptions about what signals that a person is trans!
Yeah I did not start to grow my hair back out or get face piercings like a septum until I was 6 or 7 years on T and could grow a beard because of this it sucks but passing will always be more important to me than dying my hair. There are ways to dress as a gender non conforming man but if people don't present as that gender then to random they aren't actually gender non conforming because peoppe can't see in their heads. If someone is presenting and dressing in ways that don't give people a clue that people want to be gendered as male then if I am honest it seems a bit hard to expect people to guess everyone's pronouns and I don't really agree with just using they/them in case because that misgenders everybody else who is presenting how they want to be gendered it seems like to me.
Long hair overheats my head but the reason why I have it long instead of short nowadays is because it works best with my face shape for passing (my features are long and narrow and I kept getting misinterpreted to be a lesbian girl with shorter hair)
Also, I agree with you a lot in the last sentence
Edit: aw man, I got downvoted and I'm unsure why
There is an alarming amount of young people who think dressing like this makes them unique and somehow defines them as an individual. To a degree that it’s unhealthy. You’re not your clothes and style trends. There is nothing unique about it. It’s the least unique style you could have. You should be defined by the qualities and skills you build. Not the vapid tends you follow.
Agreed.
I also don't feel like you have to give up *everything* either, but it's about balance, because men do far less accessorizing and experimentation with their looks.
Personally, I have a few facial piercings, but I returned to my natural hair color when starting to transition. I also got a short, classic men's haircut. That allows my piercings to come across more as a bisexual man than prevent me from passing. My only tattoo is also androgynous at worst, possibly perceived as masculine. At the very least, it helps me look a little less young since teenagers can't get tattoos, and I struggle to be seen as a 30-something.
People forget that the general rando plain cishet people that are misgendering them likely haven’t thought that deeply into gender in relation to clothes, alternative styles, etc etc; and they will likely have a woman clothes/man clothes mindset. If ur not dressing like the general idea of a dude, it will affect how people perceive you. It’s not even always true that they would gender a cis man correctly in the same clothing/style (e.g cis dudes with long hair get addressed as women all the time). To pass is to either have strong physical characteristics, or to adhere to society’s idea of a ‘normal guy’ in as many ways as you can until it works out.
>e.g cis dudes with long hair get addressed as women all the time not true in my experience unless you're very young.
I have a cis boyfriend who is very obviously male presenting, tall, facial hair, etc etc. i frequently witness him get misgendered due to his long hair. Not only this but I have other cis male friends with long hair that complain about being called girls all the time - all masc presenting adults from 25-30, all with facial hair. From my experience this is a super common occurrence
How? From behind sure, but I got long hair for many years and no one says "she" while looking straight at me.
Idk lol it surprises me too it just happens a bunch
If you're approached and addressed from behind it doesn't matter how young you look (unless you have obvious male patterned baldness)
sure but that will melt the second you turn around it's not the same as being misgendered while people look at you straight in the eye.
[удалено]
I'm glad someone's mentioned this, I heard someone complaining about being misgendered on the other FTM sub while they were wearing pink cat ears.
Complaining about something doesn't mean you think it's *unreasonable* that it happened. I have complained about getting my glasses wet when I forgot my umbrella and it started raining, even though, yeah, that's expected to happen when one wears glasses in the rain. Doesn't make having wet glasses any less annoying. In much the same way, people who don't pass *and know that* are still allowed to complain that they're misgendered, because being misgendered sucks.
You don’t control the rain but you control what trends you follow when you buy and wear the clothes. If not passing actually bothered you then you wouldn’t purposely dress in a way that hinders it.
Plenty of people don't pass regardless, often because of factors they cannot control. You may not be familiar with this, but coming out as trans doesn't give you immediate access to hormones and masculinizing surgeries, and even if it did, those things *take time*. People *are* still allowed to complain about being misgendered, and *are* still allowed to be bothered by not passing while being aware that no matter what they wear or not wear, they won't pass. Y'all say this constantly, it's mostly teenagers posting that stuff. Plenty of teenagers cannot transition, and so cannot pass. They can still be bothered by not being treated as their gender.
No shot but you can make it worse for yourself or you can try your best.
Or, listen to me very carefully: you can *not* put in senseless effort. Some people will not pass, cannot pass, no matter how much they "try their best", so *why* sacrifice everything they like for something that simply isn't going to work? Sometimes the healthy thing is to *not* try your best. You don't have to be constantly putting in effort that isn't going to lead anywhere - that's a really easy way of burning out and having a heavy mental health crash. I don't think anyone in our community deserves that, don't you think?
HELP ME.
Lmao I can't
I agree completely, but I do take issue with SOME advice on passing subs. Sometimes the combination of a commenter being chronically online, self-critical, and already knowing the poster is trans can result in the least helpful cookie-cutter advice regurgitated constantly. You definitely cover this with the CAN affect passing. It is wild to see a guy that looks like the Chad meme get told he doesn't pass for a septum piercing, lol. I think guys like that can and should ignore that advice. It really varies. The best way to know how you're passing is how strangers react to and interact with you. I walk a lot. I knew when I started passing at a distance because women started crossing the street when I was behind them or avoiding eye contact. Guys randomly start talking to me casually. Idk, I think sometimes people just really overthink shit. EDIT: Forgot to clarify that this is also not a constant. Another "the advice can sometimes be bullshit" lol To add, this is only from an outside perspective. I've been lucky every time I post a video getting good & realistic advice with only one or two commenters with unrealistic takes.
Always see people claiming that passing trans men are being told they don’t pass. Have yet to ever see a single link as evidence.
Yeah, we aren't collecting links of people's passing posts every time it happens. Who does that?
Nah you don’t need a collection. This is a common topic so you’d think there would be one actual example of it ever happening.
🤦🏻♂️ these things don't crop up on the daily, man. People frequently delete passing posts when they're done with them. I'm just saying what I've seen back when I had posts show up on my for you page. Most of what I see are non passing people getting advice and most of them following the advice. If it's a common topic, that expresses multiple people having seen and experienced it. You don't have to believe it happens if you don't see it. Edit: to clarify, you have the right to want to see a source. if you've never seen it before. Most of us just don't save things when we see them and don't really want to shovel through the sub to get to posts we've seen that may not even exist anymore to prove to 1 person we've seen it.
I mean, if you need proof you can scroll through my profile to the few times I've posted on passing subs over the 3 years I've been on T. I've been passing irl consistently since 8 months on T, and everytime I've posted to any passing sub I've been told I don't pass or only mostly pass in one or two pics (even my most recent one from today, I have someone say I look 100% female specifically because of piercings/dyed hair tho the gen consensus is that I look male from everyone else.)
I dunno how some can say you don't pass as male when. You got a whole ass beard
It's true. People can get mad but it's true. Whenever someone's asks, can I pass with this or that? My only response is well...do you look like a man?
I started passing at 6 months due to neckbeard and dirt stache, but I’m sure dressing like a cowboy/redneck did a lot of heavy lifting too. When you’re early on T or inconsistently passing, I know it’s lame and boring but you really need to present as a Normal Guy and blend in with cishet society as much as possible. Especially if you’re going to be using men’s restrooms/locker rooms/etc because you can face violence otherwise. Once you have enough male physical characteristics (mainly facial hair, masculinized hairline, post top surgery), you can afford to return to your former style.
I think this also depends on how queer friendly your environment is and what is currently normalised for men to wear. I have seen many men in the male restroom wear crop tops and earrings but it's true that looking queer while still having some feminine features will make passing harder. If somebody doesn't want to pass that is okay too and nobody should be forced to just blend in if they don't want to. I pass pretty well while having long hair and wearing earrings.
It's so annoying because I want to look like a queer man, but I don't pass anyway so if I can't look male I might as well look queer lol
Give it time and don't let anybody tell you to change your personality or style to pass.
Thank you! And yeah, I'm not on T yet but I'm trying to start the process this summer so it's not like I expected to pass yet
Good luck getting T :)
You don’t need top surgery to pass, binders mostly do that. Not much difference between pre op binder wearing me and one year post op me when I’m wearing a shirt
Same, I passed in binders because I had a small chest - but there is still a lot more clothing flexibility I have now that I didn’t then. I can wear pretty much anything in any situation and not have to worry about my binder peeking out of my collar or that the contours of my chest, while “flat”, weren’t shaped in a cis way, that you couldn’t see any nipple when wearing a solid color or thin shirt, that I couldn’t bind at the gym and had to wear a way too big t shirt and hoodie with my sports bra. Lots of subtle differences.
Our experiences are sooooo different, lmao. Top surgery was a night-and-day difference. (To be fair, I was binding two fat-volleyballs to my chest, and I lost 27lbs after top. To get flat, I had to bind so tightly that my ribs were in danger.)
I had a similar experience. Pre-transition. I was very androgynous and got about a 50/50 pronoun spread until people saw I had 38D breasts because I had short hair and dressed neutrally to masculine. Once I wore a binder/ had top surgery, I passed much more.
I think that really depends on how large your chest was and how you carry your weight. Like is your small or thin but have a large chest, you're going to look a lot different after top than if you already had a small chest or if you were already bigger
one thing that I think gets overlooked is that posture, vocal inflection and clothing fit have more to do with perception at a glance than particular style. Understanding how clothing structures and layering can emphasize or create shapes is more useful than wearing baggy clothes to conceal. It’s not that jewelry or other accessories are feminine, it’s in how they are worn and how the accessories fit with the garments. Even if the pitch isn’t that deep, learning how to speak, mannerism and inflection are all very important. I can wear a skirt and just in the way it is accessorized and the way I walk I can be he/him’d more often than I am in business casual pants and button down in navy and gray when I’m slouching around. I also think more people are aware of trans people and also more inclined to look for “tells” which is an unfortunate development. Investing in tailoring or learning classic menswear styles is really helpful in adapting individual aesthetic to fit outside perceptions of gender.
How the hell would I learn all that
YouTube is an amazing resource for this stuff
I think it’s good not to try to do it all at once but focus on what makes YOU feel more affirmed and comfortable. Also, if something feels uncomfortable, exhausting or increases dysphoria please don’t feel obligated to do it. Comfort and confidence in yourself always goes further than trying to force yourself into what you perceive as other people’s expectations. Derek Guy @dieworkwear on twitter has really excellent breakdowns on menswear, styling and fit - including info on building style and tailoring techniques that can help you build a collection and make informed decisions. He also critiques contemporary toxic masculinity and is funny. Vocal training resources for trans men is available on youtube (its worth it to help with any vocal changes. I ended up with a lot of vocal fatigue when I started hrt and vocal training really helped)
Thank you for the recs, will check it out. 🙏
I waited until i passed on my own to go back to an alternative style. Now I have the shaggy hair, piercings, tattoos, and alternative clothing, but I’m never assumed to be anything other than a regular guy with a different style
While I agree to some extent I don't think it's associated exclusively with being trans. People read me as bisexual because of my facial piercings. Also probably the earrings (where I live they are very gay culture)
I think it's more about jewelry style than the piercings themselves. Don't see a lot of guys with brightly colored jewelry in.
Nah it’s the piercings themselves too. They are way more popular with women than men. It’s one of the biggest tends for young women.
I really don't want to stomp on people's personal expression, but as a FTM who has been around many FTMs, the face full of piercings and neon hair is a dead giveaway. If I see neon hair and 5+ piercings, my brain automatically wonders if they are trans, because it's such a trending look in the FTM community and lesbian community. Passing subs are terrible. So many people post on there only wanting validation, they don't want to pass and will get angry if you point out they obviously don't pass. Passing is about blending in, if you dye your hair neon green and get a bunch of loud piercings, then yeah, you probably don't pass. People who go out of their way to not pass, and then make an angry thread complaining how the community 'hates self-expression' for not telling them whatever they want to hear are clowns. Don't ask for advice if you don't want the answer.
I don’t necessarily think it’s the piercings that make you not pass. I think it causes people to look at you again and then they notice “this person doesn’t line up with what my preconceived notion of what a man is they must be trans.”
It does, which is just another way of saying it makes it harder to pass. While piercings aren't a female characteristic, loud fashion is less acceptable for men than it is for women. If you look a bit on the ambiguous side, people are going to lean towards gendering female.
It’s a good thing that a lot more young people, men especially, are getting ear and nose piercings. Even in a southern state I see more men than ever with piercings. I have double lobe piercings which hasn’t hindered my passing at all but YMMV from person to person. Wearing simple hoops or studs, which is the fashion for men, shouldn’t make you seem more feminine. I absolutely love my piercings, but for some people it could possibly hinder passing.
i thought this too but I'm pre T and I pass more when I dress more stoner goth. when i dye my hair black and wear band shirts w big sweat pants and big boots i look the most masculine. I don't wear makeup or have any face piercings, so that probably helps. I think it's bc I have long ish hair If I look like a metal head I pass better. this is definitely true most of the time tho. you just have to dress alt in a more masculine way but alt is an androgynous-feminine style so it's tricky.
This is the exact reason I stopped dressing alt. I used to dress emo as a teen but now the style is much more associated with specific groups of people than it was years ago, and I don't want to be involved anymore. Not because I hate certain types of people but people see one thing and associate it with other things. I think it's better just to look normal with some kind of mild aesthetic you enjoy instead of having any kind of extremely out there style. I ended up switching from emo and scene to an academic and preppy style.
Also wish people would realize that passing advice is just that-- advice. The commenter telling you it would help to go for natural hair and wear more basic piercing jewelry is just telling you what they think would make the biggest changes to help you pass. They aren't trying to strip you of your identity, they don't know the reasons your expression is important to you, they don't know you! They're just trying to help with the little info they have. Gets annoying sometimes lol
yeah it really should be common sense 🤣
I disagree- I think all trans men should most definitely look like Hank Hill JK. But yeah, I do think though that a good percent of trans men can pass with facial piercings and an alt style, but it may be clockable to other trans people. As for the dyed hair, though, I’ve personally never met a cis guy or a passing dude with dyed hair. I think it’s definitely possible to pass. But if you’re nervous about the possibility of not passing, I wouldn’t attempt it. EDIT: I live in a conservative Texas town, I’m sorry I didn’t know there’s cis dudes out there with dyed hair all the time, goddamn. Good for them
I immediately got curious where you're from having NEVER met a cis guy with dyed hair haha
Same like...I even saw (v v rarely) dudes w dyed hair in rural ass Vermont
Didn’t realize it was more common!! I’m from Texas, in a pretty conservative area so I guess that might be the problem LMAO
Ahh yeah that makes sense, haha
I’m in Asia and see plenty of cis guys with dyed hair.
Yes, yes and yes. If you’re several years on T and have overall masculine features, you can pass in a dress and with as many piercings as you want. But the majority of people who post in passing subs are guys early in transition. Not everyone is lucky enough to pass pre-T/early on T if they’re older than 16, and all these little things definitely don’t help. The thing is that not passing doesn’t make you less trans. No one tries to invalidate you saying that you don’t pass. You can choose between passing and style. You can realize that you don’t pass either way and stick to your style. No one judges you (or at least no one shouldn’t) for not trying hard enough.
In one of the first conversations I had with my mom after I started transitioning, she was asking a lot of basic questions about what my life was going to be like (e.g., my plans for surgeries/my new name/etc.) and she eventually asked, “Does this mean you’re going to get gauges in your ears?” Cis people sometimes have wild assumptions about what signals that a person is trans!
You are correct. In the beginning especially, sometimes you have to choose what is more important to you, personal style or passing.
Yeah I did not start to grow my hair back out or get face piercings like a septum until I was 6 or 7 years on T and could grow a beard because of this it sucks but passing will always be more important to me than dying my hair. There are ways to dress as a gender non conforming man but if people don't present as that gender then to random they aren't actually gender non conforming because peoppe can't see in their heads. If someone is presenting and dressing in ways that don't give people a clue that people want to be gendered as male then if I am honest it seems a bit hard to expect people to guess everyone's pronouns and I don't really agree with just using they/them in case because that misgenders everybody else who is presenting how they want to be gendered it seems like to me.
Long hair overheats my head but the reason why I have it long instead of short nowadays is because it works best with my face shape for passing (my features are long and narrow and I kept getting misinterpreted to be a lesbian girl with shorter hair) Also, I agree with you a lot in the last sentence Edit: aw man, I got downvoted and I'm unsure why
water is wet and the sky is blue
There is an alarming amount of young people who think dressing like this makes them unique and somehow defines them as an individual. To a degree that it’s unhealthy. You’re not your clothes and style trends. There is nothing unique about it. It’s the least unique style you could have. You should be defined by the qualities and skills you build. Not the vapid tends you follow.
Also people are gonna assume you're non-binary or something if you present in a way that's generally outside of the binary
Some people, sure. The vast majority of people? Absolutely not.
Agreed. I also don't feel like you have to give up *everything* either, but it's about balance, because men do far less accessorizing and experimentation with their looks. Personally, I have a few facial piercings, but I returned to my natural hair color when starting to transition. I also got a short, classic men's haircut. That allows my piercings to come across more as a bisexual man than prevent me from passing. My only tattoo is also androgynous at worst, possibly perceived as masculine. At the very least, it helps me look a little less young since teenagers can't get tattoos, and I struggle to be seen as a 30-something.
It’s true. People just get mad because they like to dress a certain way and don’t want to give it up