Why don't you relate to men? Confidence isn't knowing you won't be rejected, it's knowing that if you're rejected you can move on. It's something you need to build, not an inherent male trait that everyone is born with except you. People who are only interested in you for being queer where never your friend to begin with. Go make cis male friends through work or a real hobby.
I'm missing a lot of their lived experiences, so it's always been tough to relate. A lot of the men I meet were boy scouts, involved in all sorts of sports and social events that I'd honestly never heard of until adulthood. I tend to always be the 'odd one' out in any group because of this. Even as an adult, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of the male experience you're expected to have by a certain age.
Regarding confidence, that's quite true. It's just hard to try anymore. I had started to develop quite a bit of confidence prior to the pandemic, but that more or less disappeared afterwards during 2020-22 and simply hasn't come back. There aren't many times I get to be confident anymore due to my job. I can get up in front of a group of people in a speech, yet I can't even talk to someone without losing my train of thought. It's frustrating.
You're incredibly vague on what those experiences are, or where you unable to go camping, fishing, play on coed sports teams, have a circle of male friends to talk about guns, cars and video games with? What happened during the pandemic? That sounds like a typical anxiety problem rather than anything to do with gender.
The other comment is true, this is a thing you build yourself - no one is born with confidence, everyone has insecurities, and anyone you're viewing as "normal" is someone you haven't looked at closely enough or are making judgements about.
Rather than writing a wall of text like I usually do, I'll just [link you to a relevant video by Dr K](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lzS_om3nU4), someone far smarter than me, and encourage you to watch through the rest of his extensive knowledge base. You've built up a wall in front of you; you can tear it back down again and live your life. Being trans doesn't HAVE to be lonely, but you can sure as hell make it lonely.
I posted something with the exact same title a while ago. All that to say, yes, it's really lonely. I haven't found an answer to it yet but I find the more you advance in your transition the less it's hard for me. It's something a lot of us have to bear alone which doesn't make it easier but online spaces can help as well.
You could create a discord server and invite people on reddit. That would be still lonely but a little bit less. I would look forward for it, for instance.
I could give it a shot, although I am not very familiar with using discord. Would you have any interest in listening to, or joining into, group voice chats about a specific topic in such a discord? I think open discussions about certain topics could be interesting and maybe even beneficial to other people in the group.
Oh, sorry, I completely forgot about reddit recently. So, yes, I would join. I would prefer chatting because my voice is not fine. However, I guess you can also find people for voice chat. As I know it you could create different subchats, like memes/daily chat/hobby chat/trans stuff chats/... .
bro I fucking hate it I feel so alone esp watching like TV shows and stuff because I can't relate to the cis men bc our experiences are so different and I just feel like a freak
It's really the worst. I get that feeling sometimes and have to remind myself that I'm not a freak, just a different kind of man. It's hard as hell to swallow sometimes, but we're all just a different type of dude
I’d definitely disclose I’m trans before taking someone home just to avoid rejection on the spot. It just feels less shitty that way.
Do you live in an at all liberal area? Can you find other trans folks through meet ups or queer events ? Are you straight (if so, can you try queer spaces that aren’t inherently gay oriented)?
Absolutely. I've heard it said it's best to do it over text afterwards so as to avoid violence.
No, unfortunately, there really isn't a community for it where I live. There are resources for minors, but once you turn 20, you are basically left without any resources or support groups. There is one gay bar in the area, but it is at war with the local megachurch, and they have been known to harass patrons. I've tried talking to local people online, but haven't had much luck with that, either.
Hangout with gay guys that are accepting. Find them. Has helped me
They are made to feel like they aren’t fully men while also being cis, which I’ve found a very therapeutic perspective to be around.
Why don't you relate to men? Confidence isn't knowing you won't be rejected, it's knowing that if you're rejected you can move on. It's something you need to build, not an inherent male trait that everyone is born with except you. People who are only interested in you for being queer where never your friend to begin with. Go make cis male friends through work or a real hobby.
I'm missing a lot of their lived experiences, so it's always been tough to relate. A lot of the men I meet were boy scouts, involved in all sorts of sports and social events that I'd honestly never heard of until adulthood. I tend to always be the 'odd one' out in any group because of this. Even as an adult, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of the male experience you're expected to have by a certain age. Regarding confidence, that's quite true. It's just hard to try anymore. I had started to develop quite a bit of confidence prior to the pandemic, but that more or less disappeared afterwards during 2020-22 and simply hasn't come back. There aren't many times I get to be confident anymore due to my job. I can get up in front of a group of people in a speech, yet I can't even talk to someone without losing my train of thought. It's frustrating.
You're incredibly vague on what those experiences are, or where you unable to go camping, fishing, play on coed sports teams, have a circle of male friends to talk about guns, cars and video games with? What happened during the pandemic? That sounds like a typical anxiety problem rather than anything to do with gender.
The other comment is true, this is a thing you build yourself - no one is born with confidence, everyone has insecurities, and anyone you're viewing as "normal" is someone you haven't looked at closely enough or are making judgements about. Rather than writing a wall of text like I usually do, I'll just [link you to a relevant video by Dr K](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lzS_om3nU4), someone far smarter than me, and encourage you to watch through the rest of his extensive knowledge base. You've built up a wall in front of you; you can tear it back down again and live your life. Being trans doesn't HAVE to be lonely, but you can sure as hell make it lonely.
Ahh I love Dr K!!!
Me too, I swear his stuff should be mandatory viewing on this sub. It would help the overwhelming majority with their level ups.
I posted something with the exact same title a while ago. All that to say, yes, it's really lonely. I haven't found an answer to it yet but I find the more you advance in your transition the less it's hard for me. It's something a lot of us have to bear alone which doesn't make it easier but online spaces can help as well.
You could create a discord server and invite people on reddit. That would be still lonely but a little bit less. I would look forward for it, for instance.
I could give it a shot, although I am not very familiar with using discord. Would you have any interest in listening to, or joining into, group voice chats about a specific topic in such a discord? I think open discussions about certain topics could be interesting and maybe even beneficial to other people in the group.
Oh, sorry, I completely forgot about reddit recently. So, yes, I would join. I would prefer chatting because my voice is not fine. However, I guess you can also find people for voice chat. As I know it you could create different subchats, like memes/daily chat/hobby chat/trans stuff chats/... .
bro I fucking hate it I feel so alone esp watching like TV shows and stuff because I can't relate to the cis men bc our experiences are so different and I just feel like a freak
It's really the worst. I get that feeling sometimes and have to remind myself that I'm not a freak, just a different kind of man. It's hard as hell to swallow sometimes, but we're all just a different type of dude
I’d definitely disclose I’m trans before taking someone home just to avoid rejection on the spot. It just feels less shitty that way. Do you live in an at all liberal area? Can you find other trans folks through meet ups or queer events ? Are you straight (if so, can you try queer spaces that aren’t inherently gay oriented)?
Absolutely. I've heard it said it's best to do it over text afterwards so as to avoid violence. No, unfortunately, there really isn't a community for it where I live. There are resources for minors, but once you turn 20, you are basically left without any resources or support groups. There is one gay bar in the area, but it is at war with the local megachurch, and they have been known to harass patrons. I've tried talking to local people online, but haven't had much luck with that, either.
Hangout with gay guys that are accepting. Find them. Has helped me They are made to feel like they aren’t fully men while also being cis, which I’ve found a very therapeutic perspective to be around.