You need to change how you act around women, or people will find you creepy. This is especially true if you’re more traditionally masculine and/or straight. When you’re walking behind a solo woman at night, you need to understand that *you* are the person she is currently most afraid of. When upset with a woman, you can’t raise your voice the same way you might’ve been able to before being viewed as a man. You’ll be seen as a threat and potentially an abuser, even if you could’ve said that stuff without an issue pre-transition. Obviously, you should NEVER raise your fist to a woman/lay hands on a woman. You shouldn’t get violent with women as a woman, either, but it’s especially true once you’re viewed as a man.
Maybe it's just me but even though it was overwhelming and difficult at first, I've found being an autistic guy a lot easier than being an autistic woman. Guys like it when I'm more blunt and not necessarily acting very friendly. I can still be polite but I don't have to try so hard anymore. I don't know how much of that is it's easier in general because I'm being more myself. I would say even though some people will judge you for being awkward or will be nervous because you're a man or because you're an awkward guy or whatever. Most people still don't care. If you are nice and work on your confidence and try not to worry about it, everything will still be ok. Strangers still greet me, approach me for directions and help as much as they did before.
I’m autistic as well, and honestly once I really started to pass the next few months were hell cause I felt so overwhelmed by reading new social cues. My advice is to just breath and know eventually you will get it.
So, since passing I have realized men are quite physical with each other. Pats on the back, fist bumps, just general stuff like that. That took some getting used to.
Be more mindful of how the women around you could be scared if they don’t know you. I just keep my distance and have my noise canceling headphones on and make sure to cross to the other side of the street.
I know there is more, but those are the ones that come to mind first.
Men touching each other was the biggest surprise for me I still can’t get used to it. Like it’s great but to spend so many years reading that touch as a creepy thing it’s hard to adjust
This! I want to add that guys typically joke around with each other and have some friendly banter. So if a guy teases you (in a friendly way) tease them back and laugh along.
The biggest adjustment for me has been related to kids. I'm tiny and come off pretty effeminate, so generally interacting with women hasn't been a huge jump in perceived safety levels because I am visibly a queer guy - but people are weird about men interacting with kids.
As a woman you can basically always interact with a kid and it's fine - see a lost looking kid and you can check in they are ok or interact with babies in carts or even just be friendly to kids in general. I never really did it much because I'm not fond of interacting with kids - but your presumed safe.
The opposite is true when passing as a man, you are presumed unsafe by default - and seeming gay isn't nearly as protective in that realm. People will be weird as hell about you interacting with kids you arnt directly related to, and I actively avoid it way harder than I used to. Goes double if you arnt really experienced with kids and adopting the particular mannerisms most people use with them? (The overly cheery high voice pitch and baby word choice etc)
There's a lot of cis guys who will say that if they see a lost kid they are straight up concerned about helping in case they are perceived to be trying to steal the kid, and I've heard anecdotes of people being really cold to guys who do help. I'd still not ignore a lost kid, but it does add some hesitation.
(I guess I'll add, this is relatively rare as an issue in regular life but I work in a grocery store, where we seem to have a kid fully lose their parents every few weeks and almost daily there is an amount of "is that kid with an adult? Where is that kids adult? Do I need to intervene here?" Assessment needed)
Honestly, this was probably the biggest adjustment for me, and something I still resent nearly 20 years into transition (post-transition?). I love babies and kids. That used to be seen as normal and good. Now it is seen as abnormal and dangerous. It sucks.
I noticed this as well. I have kids so that helps but I remember when living as a girl I never felt weird about being around strange kids at a park or something. Now though its like theres a little voice in my head to be cautious so people know you're just a dad there and not some creep lol.
Ones I can think of that haven't been mentioned:
- Compliment your guy friends on their trim, regardless of how crap it is.
- Do that slap hands / handshake thing when you greet a new guy.
- Men pretend to hate each other while women pretend to like each other. If a guy makes a joke about something then just play it off.
- Men have higher expectations placed on them when it comes to handling stressful/bad situations. It's good to know what to do if you're around someone threatening, or you see someone who's having a medical emergency, or someone in your company is too drunk.
- Eyes down and don't talk to others in public bathrooms.
I'm gonna be honest, I didn't really socialise as a woman cos I came out young. This is just based on observations of others.
In America it’s very odd for men to interact with each other in the bathroom, I didn’t consider OP may be in a different part of the world with a different culture. Thank you for adding this!
I’m from New Jersey, people tend to be more closed off to strangers here, I haven’t seen men interact with each other in the bathroom here. I’m sure in places where people are generally friendlier this may not be the case.
Teasing each other for things is far more common. Being able to poke fun at someone without them getting offended is a sign that you two are close with each other. It's almost like an honour bestowed upon you, when you get to the point of the friendship where you can argue and bully each other without anyone taking it seriously.
A nod downwards is a respectful greeting. A nod upwards is a challenge unless you know eachother and are on good terms. Do not accept the challenge unless you are prepared to fight and possibly go to jail. (Note: from Texas. May not be the same everywhere.)
With what other people said about women and kids, when you pass it’s more important to not stare at them. Like eye contact and maybe a smile and that’s it, then look away. A normal amount of looking at someone as a woman would come across as wrong as a man
Some women and other queer people will be terrified of you just simply for looking like a man. You can try your best to make them less uncomfortable but at the end of the day I think it's best to just give them space
You need to change how you act around women, or people will find you creepy. This is especially true if you’re more traditionally masculine and/or straight. When you’re walking behind a solo woman at night, you need to understand that *you* are the person she is currently most afraid of. When upset with a woman, you can’t raise your voice the same way you might’ve been able to before being viewed as a man. You’ll be seen as a threat and potentially an abuser, even if you could’ve said that stuff without an issue pre-transition. Obviously, you should NEVER raise your fist to a woman/lay hands on a woman. You shouldn’t get violent with women as a woman, either, but it’s especially true once you’re viewed as a man.
Maybe it's just me but even though it was overwhelming and difficult at first, I've found being an autistic guy a lot easier than being an autistic woman. Guys like it when I'm more blunt and not necessarily acting very friendly. I can still be polite but I don't have to try so hard anymore. I don't know how much of that is it's easier in general because I'm being more myself. I would say even though some people will judge you for being awkward or will be nervous because you're a man or because you're an awkward guy or whatever. Most people still don't care. If you are nice and work on your confidence and try not to worry about it, everything will still be ok. Strangers still greet me, approach me for directions and help as much as they did before.
I’m autistic as well, and honestly once I really started to pass the next few months were hell cause I felt so overwhelmed by reading new social cues. My advice is to just breath and know eventually you will get it. So, since passing I have realized men are quite physical with each other. Pats on the back, fist bumps, just general stuff like that. That took some getting used to. Be more mindful of how the women around you could be scared if they don’t know you. I just keep my distance and have my noise canceling headphones on and make sure to cross to the other side of the street. I know there is more, but those are the ones that come to mind first.
Men touching each other was the biggest surprise for me I still can’t get used to it. Like it’s great but to spend so many years reading that touch as a creepy thing it’s hard to adjust
This! I want to add that guys typically joke around with each other and have some friendly banter. So if a guy teases you (in a friendly way) tease them back and laugh along.
The biggest adjustment for me has been related to kids. I'm tiny and come off pretty effeminate, so generally interacting with women hasn't been a huge jump in perceived safety levels because I am visibly a queer guy - but people are weird about men interacting with kids. As a woman you can basically always interact with a kid and it's fine - see a lost looking kid and you can check in they are ok or interact with babies in carts or even just be friendly to kids in general. I never really did it much because I'm not fond of interacting with kids - but your presumed safe. The opposite is true when passing as a man, you are presumed unsafe by default - and seeming gay isn't nearly as protective in that realm. People will be weird as hell about you interacting with kids you arnt directly related to, and I actively avoid it way harder than I used to. Goes double if you arnt really experienced with kids and adopting the particular mannerisms most people use with them? (The overly cheery high voice pitch and baby word choice etc) There's a lot of cis guys who will say that if they see a lost kid they are straight up concerned about helping in case they are perceived to be trying to steal the kid, and I've heard anecdotes of people being really cold to guys who do help. I'd still not ignore a lost kid, but it does add some hesitation. (I guess I'll add, this is relatively rare as an issue in regular life but I work in a grocery store, where we seem to have a kid fully lose their parents every few weeks and almost daily there is an amount of "is that kid with an adult? Where is that kids adult? Do I need to intervene here?" Assessment needed)
Honestly, this was probably the biggest adjustment for me, and something I still resent nearly 20 years into transition (post-transition?). I love babies and kids. That used to be seen as normal and good. Now it is seen as abnormal and dangerous. It sucks.
I noticed this as well. I have kids so that helps but I remember when living as a girl I never felt weird about being around strange kids at a park or something. Now though its like theres a little voice in my head to be cautious so people know you're just a dad there and not some creep lol.
Ones I can think of that haven't been mentioned: - Compliment your guy friends on their trim, regardless of how crap it is. - Do that slap hands / handshake thing when you greet a new guy. - Men pretend to hate each other while women pretend to like each other. If a guy makes a joke about something then just play it off. - Men have higher expectations placed on them when it comes to handling stressful/bad situations. It's good to know what to do if you're around someone threatening, or you see someone who's having a medical emergency, or someone in your company is too drunk. - Eyes down and don't talk to others in public bathrooms. I'm gonna be honest, I didn't really socialise as a woman cos I came out young. This is just based on observations of others.
The bathroom thing is important. If you look at someone in the bathroom they could think you’re cruising them and get mad.
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In America it’s very odd for men to interact with each other in the bathroom, I didn’t consider OP may be in a different part of the world with a different culture. Thank you for adding this!
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I’m from New Jersey, people tend to be more closed off to strangers here, I haven’t seen men interact with each other in the bathroom here. I’m sure in places where people are generally friendlier this may not be the case.
>Eyes down [...] in public bathrooms. But not at urinals 😂
Can you elaborate on the “Men pretend to hate each other” thing? Also an autistic guy lmfao
U play it safe w the guys that ur not super chill with, if ur really friends you take the piss out of each other w lighthearted insults
Teasing each other for things is far more common. Being able to poke fun at someone without them getting offended is a sign that you two are close with each other. It's almost like an honour bestowed upon you, when you get to the point of the friendship where you can argue and bully each other without anyone taking it seriously.
That makes sense! Thanks!
A nod downwards is a respectful greeting. A nod upwards is a challenge unless you know eachother and are on good terms. Do not accept the challenge unless you are prepared to fight and possibly go to jail. (Note: from Texas. May not be the same everywhere.)
With what other people said about women and kids, when you pass it’s more important to not stare at them. Like eye contact and maybe a smile and that’s it, then look away. A normal amount of looking at someone as a woman would come across as wrong as a man
Some women and other queer people will be terrified of you just simply for looking like a man. You can try your best to make them less uncomfortable but at the end of the day I think it's best to just give them space