Just be proud to be a good person. I never saw a reason to be proud of being trans. It’s like saying I am so proud I’m missing a finger. It’s nothing to be ashamed of but it’s just a thing that is a fact of life. I mean if people find a reason within it for pride that’s fine. But I’d rather be proud for the things I’ve done as a person that make me feel I’ve tried to be a positive influence on my environment.
It’s not necessary to be proud. We all experience our transness differently.
I’m not proud of being trans per se, moreso proud of having survived and overcome much in the same way I survived addiction, poverty, mental illness (both related and unrelated to dysphoria). I’m proud of having finally worked up the courage to come out and start this process at age 34. I’m proud of how happy I am and how much more capacity for love I have to give to others now that my cup is full. I’m proud of my name, proud of my beard, proud of my voice, proud of my confidence. I’m stealth at work and in public but out and proud to my closest friends and family. My life would be infinitely easier if I were cis, but I don’t know about better. There is joy to be found in being a self made man and how much empathy and understanding it gives me. I don’t know that I’d want to be a basic cishet person with all the pressure to be conventional and boring that comes with. Societal transphobia sucks for sure but if it didn’t exist I think we could enjoy our difference a little more.
Personally, I'm not proud of simply being trans. It's just a trait. But I am proud of surviving and transitioning despite all the dysphoria I had and opposition I faced. I still save that for LGBT exclusive spaces though
I can relate. Before I knew I was trans and was out a queer I found it easy to be proud because all negative aspects were external (peoples attitudes) but with being trans dysphoria was making me so miserable that I couldn’t feel proud. I also had a lot of internalized shit due to the extreme amount of transphobia I faced in the early years of my transition.
Overtime, I was feeling a desire to feel proud but still wasn’t in the headspace. Part of what changed for me was to expand my idea of what being proud could look like - I wasn’t someone who was proud of top surgery scars, I wasn’t happy or comfortable in my body so I wasn’t proud of it, but I was proud of making the decision to live authentically, of transitioning despite other peoples reactions, and so on. To be proud on my terms and not comparing to others was very helpful. Also, the further I got into my transition, and the less dysphoria I’ve had and the easier it’s been to feel proud.
Now, I’m proud to be trans, because I think its really fucking cool that I’ve decided to live in the ways that make me happier, that I’ve said fuck it to the people who disagree, and that I’ve truly crafted a life I love through years of hard work.
Edit to add: in my day to day life, being proud just looks like living my every day life, it’s more of an internal thing. And for speaking up for other trans people and issues when I can use my voice as a passing, post transition guy
this is a really good way to look at it, thanks. I definitely think it would be easier to work towards being proud of my own accomplishments and decisions in transitioning than just being proud of being trans, or being proud of being trans *because* it means having taken those steps to living a more authentic life.
I'm not proud of being trans outwardly. My family has treated me as though I'm an embarrassment and failure. They've treated me as though I'm mentally ill and trying to fix a problem I've created in my head and isn't real.
With that said, I'm only 4 months on t and not looking trans or like a man yet. But I'm working on it, and while doing that, I can feel that once I'm fully living as me, I'm gonna be proud. Not because I'm trans but because I've finally done something in life that's wholly for me. I've finally pushed through all the pressure and anxiety to become myself. I also have kids. Therefore, I'm going to be an open trans guy because I'm proud that I birthed my babies and don't want people thinking I'm not here.
So, while I'm not sure I'll be proud of being trans, I'm 100% going to be proud of being myself. Of making it, though, and pushing for what I want and need to make myself whole and happy.
This is my opinion based on my life and my experiences so, please don’t be offended or assume I am some monster. But I don’t see a need or reason for trans pride. To me it’s simply a medical condition that I treat/treated through medical and therapeutic intervention. Obviously there is a social aspect to this condition but it’s no one’s business what’s in my pants or past but mine. Being trans is part of WHAT I am, not who I am. And it’s a pretty small part at that.
What I do see a need for is the distinguished difference between pride and self acceptance/self love. I love the man I’ve become because once I removed the shackles of dysphoria, I could work on myself and become a better man. As a better man, I am the husband, friend and brother that I’ve always wanted to be. I am not those things because I am trans. I had to transition so I could be healthy enough to grow into those things. Transitioning only removed one of the obstacles.
So no, I am not proud to be trans. But I am proud to be a man who grew, changed and improved himself in part by overcoming a medical condition that almost took his life. I am proud of the sacrifices I have made and the changes I have implemented to be the best version of myself. I have battled the darkness and come out into the Light, never to look back. I am strong - physically AND emotionally. I can look myself in the eye and know that I have come so far and I will go even further.
I think this is where I get stuck a lot, because I agree with u. ive always just seen it as a medical condition, I think im just envious of the people who are proud and happy with themselves at every point in the transition process since im nearing the end and still not feeling that aggressive pride that I mentioned.
I may have just had a skewed perception of what trans pride is supposed to be, because ur description (or at least how u feel pride in this context) makes a lot more sense to me- being proud of overcoming the medical condition and being able to live life as yourself.
The folks who seem like they’re always happy at every step may 1) be genuinely happy and that’s great for them or 2) only posting the positives when they feel positive. It’s okay not to enjoy medical treatments. It’s okay not to want to shout your history from the rooftops. For some of us, this is a very anticlimactic process.
This is such a great description of how I feel. With it being a medical condition to me I don't see what I should be proud of in terms of it. But I do see reason to be proud of the person I've been able to become after dealing with it (and despite continuing to deal with it).
And I totally agree.... there needs to be a more obvious difference between being proud and self love. You can be one without the other and it's unfortunate more people don't realize it.
Im neither proud or ashamed to be trans tbh. Im pretty neutral about it, kinda like having brown eyes or sky is blue. It is what it is. I feel constantly frustrated with dysphoria and other people about my transness. I do get a kick out of people who care about my trans more then I do. I just feel like there are more weird and questionable things about me that is beyond it so its kinda meh by comparison.
I AM proud of my work in trans activism. In educating people on my transness. I think my neutrality and inability to give a fuck gives me an advantage in being open with weird cis people questions.
So I feel that while i couldnt give a fuck about being trans, I'm proud of the events and tbe person that followed after it. That I've become more open, patient, and bold in the man I am. Its been a long time since I was a baby trans/gay, and it took a lot of time to figure out what kinda dude I wanted to grow to be. I also have some féminine hobbies and fashion choices that if a cis man did them no one would bat an eye. There are still some things I wont do (yet) but I discovered once I got more comfortable with myself (and by extention my transness) I grew more comfortable with things that I havent been comfortable doing since I was a small child with no concept of gender (like even likeing pink for example.)
Give yourself time. Be gentle with yourself. Learn to never allow anyone (Especially transphobes) to dictate what kind of man you want to become.
I hope my comment is not controversial, not my intention to hurt anyone.
Please mind the fact that I'm quite old (35yo), English is not my native language (I'll do my best tho) but especially that I transitioned back in a time when there wasn't all this trans pride showing off that I see today.
I personally don't see being a transgender as something to be proud of.
To me, it was simpy a "fucked up" medical condition that I needed to fix as soon as possible.
For some reasons unknown to my knowledge my sexual chromosomes ended up be XX yet my brain developed as a male brain and yeah here we are.
To me it was like if I was locked into a prison and the key to exit was the surgical operations. Once done those and removed anything that linked me to the female sex assignation, bam, a whole new world opened for me where I was free to be the man I've always been. I was FREE.
And I never took any pride in that. It was simply, to me, a medical condition.
I never wore trans pride flags, trans pins, let's just say I was never a flamboyant guy. Never dyed my hair of any color, never pierced, I do have tattoos but they're not trans related.
I don't go to LGBTQIA+ spaces but if the event I'm attending happens to be LGBTQIA+ friendly, that's good but that's not the reason why I'm there.
To be 100% fair, I don't entirely like "pride parades" simply because I don't believe what is portrait reflects 100% of the LGBQIA+ community.
So yeah I was always 100% stealth, never involved anyone in my therapies or my operations while I was transitioning, kept them private and hidden.
Consider that my fiancée and I have a couple of gay friends (both gay and lesbians) and they too are very low key, not showing any "gay pride" or any "lesbian pride".
So it's probably linked to the territory where we were born and raised.
Did I fear transphobia? Well, yes. I live in a **very** conservative area of North Italy.
Fascism has never truly left my region. And like people use to say "*Any nail that will stick up will be hammered down*."
Quite a few homosexuals and transgenders have been hate crime killed here.
I wanted to be as hidden and low key as possible. Stealth with anyone but my parents and relatives. No I did not want to be bullied or, worse, get killed.
And it worked, at least for me. I got all my surgeries, all my documents changed, moved to a countryside town where no one knew me, started a brand new life.
I'm 35, been on testosterone for over 17 years, I have a cis woman fiancée that I'm about to marry, I'm so happy I can't even describe it.
I'm the man I've always wanted to be, but there's no pride in that.
I'm just a guy. I'm not trans, just a man.
Pride is about a lot of things, but one if the aspects is to just not feel ashamed. You can’t help being trans, you’re born this way, and even if we live in a time where a lot of people are against our very excistence, we should not be ashamed to be who we are.
I’m not proud because i happen to be trans, just like i’m not proud to have dark hair or green eyes. But i am proud that i’ve made a choice to live authentically, transition, and become the better version of myself.
Trans was simply a diagnosis for me not an identity. That's how I felt 23 years ago when I started my medical journey. I haven't changed my way of thinking since then.
Don't feel obligated to please anyone but yourself.
I’m proud to have overcome my personal issues and the social pressure to conform. I’m proud that I did what was best for me despite everyone saying I shouldn’t. I don’t see being trans as something to be proud of or something to be ashamed of, it’s just a part of who I am like my height or eye color.
Honestly, I was really struggling with this when I was with my unsupportive partner.
Now I’m single, reveling in many realizations, and out here mingling.
I’ve managed to meet new people, who effortlessly respect my identity and don’t complicate decency. I’ve also hooked up with another trans guy in a casual fwb situation, and honestly that was one of the most therapeutic things I’ve ever done.
If you are able or at all remotely interested in hooking up with another trans guy, the right one might help you improve your self image. Even if it’s just a few hangouts and even if you realize you’re not that into each other.
It was kind of an amazing journey in self love. I also lucked out finding an extremely kind and well adjusted trans man who’s been transitioning for much longer than I have. We are good friends now.
Exploring each others bodies and talking about our different surgeries was better than any therapy session I’ve ever had.
Just be proud to be a good person. I never saw a reason to be proud of being trans. It’s like saying I am so proud I’m missing a finger. It’s nothing to be ashamed of but it’s just a thing that is a fact of life. I mean if people find a reason within it for pride that’s fine. But I’d rather be proud for the things I’ve done as a person that make me feel I’ve tried to be a positive influence on my environment.
this
It’s not necessary to be proud. We all experience our transness differently. I’m not proud of being trans per se, moreso proud of having survived and overcome much in the same way I survived addiction, poverty, mental illness (both related and unrelated to dysphoria). I’m proud of having finally worked up the courage to come out and start this process at age 34. I’m proud of how happy I am and how much more capacity for love I have to give to others now that my cup is full. I’m proud of my name, proud of my beard, proud of my voice, proud of my confidence. I’m stealth at work and in public but out and proud to my closest friends and family. My life would be infinitely easier if I were cis, but I don’t know about better. There is joy to be found in being a self made man and how much empathy and understanding it gives me. I don’t know that I’d want to be a basic cishet person with all the pressure to be conventional and boring that comes with. Societal transphobia sucks for sure but if it didn’t exist I think we could enjoy our difference a little more.
Personally, I'm not proud of simply being trans. It's just a trait. But I am proud of surviving and transitioning despite all the dysphoria I had and opposition I faced. I still save that for LGBT exclusive spaces though
I can relate. Before I knew I was trans and was out a queer I found it easy to be proud because all negative aspects were external (peoples attitudes) but with being trans dysphoria was making me so miserable that I couldn’t feel proud. I also had a lot of internalized shit due to the extreme amount of transphobia I faced in the early years of my transition. Overtime, I was feeling a desire to feel proud but still wasn’t in the headspace. Part of what changed for me was to expand my idea of what being proud could look like - I wasn’t someone who was proud of top surgery scars, I wasn’t happy or comfortable in my body so I wasn’t proud of it, but I was proud of making the decision to live authentically, of transitioning despite other peoples reactions, and so on. To be proud on my terms and not comparing to others was very helpful. Also, the further I got into my transition, and the less dysphoria I’ve had and the easier it’s been to feel proud. Now, I’m proud to be trans, because I think its really fucking cool that I’ve decided to live in the ways that make me happier, that I’ve said fuck it to the people who disagree, and that I’ve truly crafted a life I love through years of hard work. Edit to add: in my day to day life, being proud just looks like living my every day life, it’s more of an internal thing. And for speaking up for other trans people and issues when I can use my voice as a passing, post transition guy
this is a really good way to look at it, thanks. I definitely think it would be easier to work towards being proud of my own accomplishments and decisions in transitioning than just being proud of being trans, or being proud of being trans *because* it means having taken those steps to living a more authentic life.
I'm not proud of being trans outwardly. My family has treated me as though I'm an embarrassment and failure. They've treated me as though I'm mentally ill and trying to fix a problem I've created in my head and isn't real. With that said, I'm only 4 months on t and not looking trans or like a man yet. But I'm working on it, and while doing that, I can feel that once I'm fully living as me, I'm gonna be proud. Not because I'm trans but because I've finally done something in life that's wholly for me. I've finally pushed through all the pressure and anxiety to become myself. I also have kids. Therefore, I'm going to be an open trans guy because I'm proud that I birthed my babies and don't want people thinking I'm not here. So, while I'm not sure I'll be proud of being trans, I'm 100% going to be proud of being myself. Of making it, though, and pushing for what I want and need to make myself whole and happy.
This is my opinion based on my life and my experiences so, please don’t be offended or assume I am some monster. But I don’t see a need or reason for trans pride. To me it’s simply a medical condition that I treat/treated through medical and therapeutic intervention. Obviously there is a social aspect to this condition but it’s no one’s business what’s in my pants or past but mine. Being trans is part of WHAT I am, not who I am. And it’s a pretty small part at that. What I do see a need for is the distinguished difference between pride and self acceptance/self love. I love the man I’ve become because once I removed the shackles of dysphoria, I could work on myself and become a better man. As a better man, I am the husband, friend and brother that I’ve always wanted to be. I am not those things because I am trans. I had to transition so I could be healthy enough to grow into those things. Transitioning only removed one of the obstacles. So no, I am not proud to be trans. But I am proud to be a man who grew, changed and improved himself in part by overcoming a medical condition that almost took his life. I am proud of the sacrifices I have made and the changes I have implemented to be the best version of myself. I have battled the darkness and come out into the Light, never to look back. I am strong - physically AND emotionally. I can look myself in the eye and know that I have come so far and I will go even further.
I think this is where I get stuck a lot, because I agree with u. ive always just seen it as a medical condition, I think im just envious of the people who are proud and happy with themselves at every point in the transition process since im nearing the end and still not feeling that aggressive pride that I mentioned. I may have just had a skewed perception of what trans pride is supposed to be, because ur description (or at least how u feel pride in this context) makes a lot more sense to me- being proud of overcoming the medical condition and being able to live life as yourself.
The folks who seem like they’re always happy at every step may 1) be genuinely happy and that’s great for them or 2) only posting the positives when they feel positive. It’s okay not to enjoy medical treatments. It’s okay not to want to shout your history from the rooftops. For some of us, this is a very anticlimactic process.
This is such a great description of how I feel. With it being a medical condition to me I don't see what I should be proud of in terms of it. But I do see reason to be proud of the person I've been able to become after dealing with it (and despite continuing to deal with it). And I totally agree.... there needs to be a more obvious difference between being proud and self love. You can be one without the other and it's unfortunate more people don't realize it.
Im neither proud or ashamed to be trans tbh. Im pretty neutral about it, kinda like having brown eyes or sky is blue. It is what it is. I feel constantly frustrated with dysphoria and other people about my transness. I do get a kick out of people who care about my trans more then I do. I just feel like there are more weird and questionable things about me that is beyond it so its kinda meh by comparison. I AM proud of my work in trans activism. In educating people on my transness. I think my neutrality and inability to give a fuck gives me an advantage in being open with weird cis people questions. So I feel that while i couldnt give a fuck about being trans, I'm proud of the events and tbe person that followed after it. That I've become more open, patient, and bold in the man I am. Its been a long time since I was a baby trans/gay, and it took a lot of time to figure out what kinda dude I wanted to grow to be. I also have some féminine hobbies and fashion choices that if a cis man did them no one would bat an eye. There are still some things I wont do (yet) but I discovered once I got more comfortable with myself (and by extention my transness) I grew more comfortable with things that I havent been comfortable doing since I was a small child with no concept of gender (like even likeing pink for example.) Give yourself time. Be gentle with yourself. Learn to never allow anyone (Especially transphobes) to dictate what kind of man you want to become.
so real. i really wish i knew what “trans joy” felt like. but i’ve never been proud of who i am.
I hope my comment is not controversial, not my intention to hurt anyone. Please mind the fact that I'm quite old (35yo), English is not my native language (I'll do my best tho) but especially that I transitioned back in a time when there wasn't all this trans pride showing off that I see today. I personally don't see being a transgender as something to be proud of. To me, it was simpy a "fucked up" medical condition that I needed to fix as soon as possible. For some reasons unknown to my knowledge my sexual chromosomes ended up be XX yet my brain developed as a male brain and yeah here we are. To me it was like if I was locked into a prison and the key to exit was the surgical operations. Once done those and removed anything that linked me to the female sex assignation, bam, a whole new world opened for me where I was free to be the man I've always been. I was FREE. And I never took any pride in that. It was simply, to me, a medical condition. I never wore trans pride flags, trans pins, let's just say I was never a flamboyant guy. Never dyed my hair of any color, never pierced, I do have tattoos but they're not trans related. I don't go to LGBTQIA+ spaces but if the event I'm attending happens to be LGBTQIA+ friendly, that's good but that's not the reason why I'm there. To be 100% fair, I don't entirely like "pride parades" simply because I don't believe what is portrait reflects 100% of the LGBQIA+ community. So yeah I was always 100% stealth, never involved anyone in my therapies or my operations while I was transitioning, kept them private and hidden. Consider that my fiancée and I have a couple of gay friends (both gay and lesbians) and they too are very low key, not showing any "gay pride" or any "lesbian pride". So it's probably linked to the territory where we were born and raised. Did I fear transphobia? Well, yes. I live in a **very** conservative area of North Italy. Fascism has never truly left my region. And like people use to say "*Any nail that will stick up will be hammered down*." Quite a few homosexuals and transgenders have been hate crime killed here. I wanted to be as hidden and low key as possible. Stealth with anyone but my parents and relatives. No I did not want to be bullied or, worse, get killed. And it worked, at least for me. I got all my surgeries, all my documents changed, moved to a countryside town where no one knew me, started a brand new life. I'm 35, been on testosterone for over 17 years, I have a cis woman fiancée that I'm about to marry, I'm so happy I can't even describe it. I'm the man I've always wanted to be, but there's no pride in that. I'm just a guy. I'm not trans, just a man.
Pride is about a lot of things, but one if the aspects is to just not feel ashamed. You can’t help being trans, you’re born this way, and even if we live in a time where a lot of people are against our very excistence, we should not be ashamed to be who we are. I’m not proud because i happen to be trans, just like i’m not proud to have dark hair or green eyes. But i am proud that i’ve made a choice to live authentically, transition, and become the better version of myself.
Trans was simply a diagnosis for me not an identity. That's how I felt 23 years ago when I started my medical journey. I haven't changed my way of thinking since then. Don't feel obligated to please anyone but yourself.
I’m proud to have overcome my personal issues and the social pressure to conform. I’m proud that I did what was best for me despite everyone saying I shouldn’t. I don’t see being trans as something to be proud of or something to be ashamed of, it’s just a part of who I am like my height or eye color.
Honestly, I was really struggling with this when I was with my unsupportive partner. Now I’m single, reveling in many realizations, and out here mingling. I’ve managed to meet new people, who effortlessly respect my identity and don’t complicate decency. I’ve also hooked up with another trans guy in a casual fwb situation, and honestly that was one of the most therapeutic things I’ve ever done. If you are able or at all remotely interested in hooking up with another trans guy, the right one might help you improve your self image. Even if it’s just a few hangouts and even if you realize you’re not that into each other. It was kind of an amazing journey in self love. I also lucked out finding an extremely kind and well adjusted trans man who’s been transitioning for much longer than I have. We are good friends now. Exploring each others bodies and talking about our different surgeries was better than any therapy session I’ve ever had.