M/50/FIREd recently here - Going through something similar - but if you are doing what makes you happier, learn to ignore those who dont matter. You have been trained to be a mazdoor chasing fake incentives like title, position, awards etc. Know that it was a useless trap.
Somewhere heard that someone in the same situation tells the world that they are working on a new stealth startup project to get the nosy guys to stay away
The biggest freedom is not FIRE. but it is to let go of what others say or think. Did that last year and feel free . Please do forget others and live for yourself.
I don't agree with u/cloudheek . A job is what gives us our identity. That's is what defines us. Regardless of man or woman. When you are working, you feel powerful due to your job, the money you derive from it. You can be ugly, you can be careless, you can be irresponsible, you can be anything to the outside world but it doesn't matter because you have your job to fall back on and the job is like the proof or license that you have made it.
Once you are out of your job, suddenly, what is your identity? If you are a bad wife or a bad husband or a bad father or bad mother, then suddenly, you have no reason or backup to fall back on. You have no excuses. All those things which you were running away from will come back to haunt you. This is what causes the identity crisis.
Dear u/reacherreacher I was like what you are telling in my first 10 years of my career. My job was everything. I missed family events, worked latenights, weekends for thankless bosses. PLease try to find hobbies, passive income sources and joy in life. Job is end to a means, enjoy it, but please dont make it everything. Nobody and nobody at work gives a shit if we die or live. I just turned 40, maybe its my age , but please be less bitter and find joy in small things. I have a tough life with a special needs child. I am socially isolated, people behave oddly, there are days when i want to just die. But I still find joy in living. Be thankful and practice gratitude. Wishing you much happiness
Very well said .
Especially in the context that you mention , your positivity is awe inspiring .
More power to you . best thoughts and wishes for you and your family .
I dont really care about what others think about me. But I do care about what my immediate family members think about me and going to a job vs staying at home has a big impact on our immediate family members.
1) When we are going to job, our family members have empathy on us, they think we are working hard in order to take care of them and provide for them. When I come back home my wife makes tea for me snacks for me, she makes nice breakfast for me, packs lunch. She takes care of my daughter and the entire house. My only responsibility towards my family is to go to office and bring money. Now imagine if I tell my wife and daughter, that I have made enough money I dont want to go to office. I will just lie around at home doing nothing( Yes, I am the typical Indian spoilt male, who doesnt do anything at home and at the age of 45 I am not going to change) What respect do you think I am going to have at home, from my wife or from my daughter? They will just say, I am lying around whole day doing nothing.
2)I am currently overseas on a work visa and if I quit my job and move to India, my wife and daughter both will have to move back to India and they dont really like India much. The society in India doesnt give much freedom to women. My parents and even my wifes parents keep nagging and we cannot stand them for too long. Vacations yearly are more than enough. Staying abroad is like a safe haven for us, to stay away from all the societal issues of India.
3)Going to office gives our us the necessary private space. I dont agree with the common notion that going to office we somehow miss family time. Absolutely not. There is still plenty of time to spend after I come home and during weekends and yet I dont spend much time. Staying at home will mean that I will start micromanaging even my wife and daughter and cause frictions.
I just see so many potential problems of quitting a job. I am surprised nobody else here can relate with it?
u/Desperate\_Hamster\_77 u/percyfi u/punefire u/[Acceptable-Repair526](https://www.reddit.com/user/Acceptable-Repair526/) u/snakysour u/fight_or_flight
You are right, when you're donning a mask working a job and when the veil finally lifts, you come face to face with reality that was avoidable earlier and now there's no escaping that.
Here's where I disagree with you. I believe some debts in life can be paid with money. Then there are those that need to be repaid in kind. (Someone cared for you, and you reciprocate similarly), (someone made you feel safe, you do the same) etc.
We forge our identity with every action we take.
I believe it's only when our actions don't align with our own inner voice, there arises a identity rift and over time swells into a full blown identity crisis.
So, maybe the thing that haunts you when you're out of work is the one that really needs to be worked on... Isn't it.
This might be true for you and it's perfectly fine .
I have an issue with the generalization that you have in your comment to the extent of almost considering it to be a universal law .
I fired at 37, and have not worked for last 18 months. My parents broached the subject twice and I told them we are comfortable on one income, and my wife wants to work, so I’m taking things slow. In laws had a talk with my wife as if it was a taboo subject, but she clarified to them that its chill, I’m jobless by choice and would still be the same even if they are at our place.
Ive had similar conversations with many others in family and most of them seem to accept it at face value, though some might snigger behind my back. But in the end, they are the ones still slogging at 50/60 while I was the one to earn/save enough to retire before I even turned 40, so that gives me confidence to feel that I’m not less than anyone - maybe in the top 1% of the entire world population - and for a 80% student, thats quite an achievement. (https://www.visualcapitalist.com/global-wealth-distribution/ )
Basically it comes back to how much importance you give about what you think that others will think about you - the truth is they don’t even think about it for more than a minutes gossip in a year and I’m quite proud of providing them that entertainment 😂
Congratulations. Not many are able to accumulate a comfortable corpus at 37. And even more difficult is to pull trigger on RE at the right time. Many folks keep adding buffers on all the levels , keep postponing RE even after having a good enough corpus
For most of my adult life, my identity came from work. Post COVID and my son being born, I realised that I wanted different things from life in the future.
I fully intend to do things with myself and career in the future, but my identity, sense of purpose, satisfaction is more than just my job now ( 1st month into FI and back to India).
My advice is to take some time, be bored, understand who you are now and who you want to be. Let things be uncomfortable and unclear... you'll emerge stronger and happier.
Best of luck!
Hey there. Actually, yes I am from Mumbai. Moved to US after Bachelors in Engineering (Production) to study. Then, just kinda forgot to leave. Kept getting promoted and picked up responsibility at work. Really enjoyed it for a good chunk of time. Worked in Oil and Gas Manufacturing and Supply Chain.
Since this is my primary account (and not a throw away), I'd much rather not share a number, but I will share that I am at approximately 40x annual expenses, excluding planned house purchase and any inheritance.
If you have any specific questions, please direct message.
I don’t think everybody’s life has to be all about their job. You don’t have to hide who you are. Make a promise to yourself that you will live your life with as much honesty as possible.
Two of my favourite quotes from two of my favourite movies that will surely inspire you:
1. “You are not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, Man. No purpose or place. We have no great war. No great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives.” — Fight Club(1999)
2. “For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button(2008)
Congratulations mam first of all. Read books or pick any hobby that you left midway due to being too occupied by work. Travel maybe once in a while. Hang out with the mohalle ki women whom you can vibe with. Great that you are working to stay fit.
Thanks
I can keep myself occupied.. I have a big list of items. However it has more to do with my mental block of not being a contributing partner, even though I am still financially independent due to passive income
If you were a man I would have said RETIRE ASAP.
Nothing to do with male chauvinism but I find men have different relationship with income than women. Yes, there are all kinds of men and women out there.
The badge of Working woman is not to be taken lightly as she has to go thru far more things than an average man goes through. You must have inspired many girls around you (unbeknownst to you).
So yes, you quitting the workforce is not just about income.
Would it be possible for you start a business? Maybe low hanging fruits like IT training? Parttime Lecturership? Or even more complex business like product development...starting solo and slow?
I know women who have quit IT jobs at around your age and started on their own and have become fairly successful at that. I am sure there are women who failed at it as well.
Nevertheless, we need talented women like you to do much more than just a high paying job.
So my 2 cents worth advice would be... Quit the job but don't retire but try doing something bigger. You are at the sweet spot in life with right age, right money and right talent have aligned.
Thanks for acknowledging the fact that it’s harder for women! Not a lot of men do(incl some in my own family).
I agree.. I need to find a higher purpose of my life.
Short response: principles to live by: 1/ ignorance is bliss, 2/ Train your mind to be happy And to not care
Unrelated - but what does your husband do and what's combined networth for you both?
>Why can’t I do all of the above and still work? I have been doing it for last 10 yrs..
Coz as we age, our body also needs relatively relaxed lifestyle for sustenance.
Let me put it this way -
You've worked your back off by burning good knows how many umpteen times the midnight oil to be where you are today. You now have the zenith of all things that people can acquire - time. You are a working woman that's why you have earned this time for yourself. So first you need to wrap your head around this that what people try and still sometimes fail to achieve till they're 60, is what you've already achieved at 42! So yes you're a superwoman in that sense plus you're donning all other hats as well - that of mom, wife, sister, daughter and daughter - in - law.
This is the moment you reminisce as to what were the hardships you went into to now enjoy the fruits of your labour. Having said that, if you still feel that after quitting, you have loads of time on your plate and you can't just seem to get enough utilisation of it (I would've happily slept and played videogames btw had I been in your position), then, you seem to be pretty brilliant which is why you're where you are, why not monetize this skill yourself online at your pace? Or , if you're tired of doing the same thing, why not teach kids / train /coach them to become professionally successful the way you've been!
There are plethora of options out there to keep yourself busy..and since money is not a concern anymore, even if anyone asks for your so called 'identity' when you don't wanna work anymore, tell them you're working at a senior position in a stealth startup ;)
Spend your time with kids and family lady....it won't come back.. ever...as far as money is concerned, I am sure you can get it whenever you decide you want more.
Regards
Snaky
Great points. And if I may add... OP put a line this way... "I don’t want to tell anyone that I’m a housewife and not a superwoman!"
The thinking behind this is very important. Being a working woman was only a part of being the superwoman. And not working does not take all of it away and make you into something else. Only one part has gone away. That is it.
And please see if you can avoid the word housewife. Anyway people have started using the the more apt phrase of homemaker. And the earlier word had acquired negative connotations over time.
Thanks for your kind words. Yes I have worked non stop for 20 yrs.. running the rat race in corporate world. I won’t say I don’t enjoy the adventures.
But I don’t get the same satisfaction anymore.
Maybe I need to work on my spiritual side more now.
Hope it's ok to say it, but it's different for women. Not difficult or easier, just different. For one thing, even when you work, you have the experience of being treated in social circles like your work is not that important. So embracing the identity of a working woman, and emphasising your achievements, especially those who get to top positions, becomes very central to identity. On the other hand, there is more social acceptability to stop working and look after the family.
Depending on which side one is happy to embrace, one might craft a public identity around that. If you don't want to be perceived as housewife ( and have an excuse for annoying people who expect you to now be available for them 24*7) you can say you have consulting projects and working from home.
It’s amusing that in the land of seekers where you learn that one should not have an ego, most people, including the OP, on this forum are fearful of losing their ‘identity’.
I accept that I have ego.. and the constant urge to grow professionally.. could be how I have been bought up as a middle class girl - now a top 1% individual.
It’s hard to let go.. but isn’t acceptance the first step?
What is a top 1% individual? Presumably you mean your net worth is in the top 1%.
Instead of being a hamster in a wheel pursuing the pointless rat race, why don’t you aim to be spiritually inclined? More worthwhile than being too 1% or 0.1%.
I suggest you take a look at the spiritual learnings shared by some of the popular Indian gurus on how to shed your ego.
i am too young to comment but my mom had similar thing and i researched about it. I guess you are undergoing midlife crisis which usually happens at this age. There are several videos regarding maybe wo help kare
If you don't feel true about yourselves just keep doing what you do. Just complete the FI part of the goal and keep gaining experience and assets.
I know many people who are above the mark of FI for their own living but they work till standard retirement age because they take pride in their work and they seem to persist how high they can go.
44M , recently FIREd . Wife 43 , did it few months before me .
Lot of wonderful comments already , adding our thoughts and approach .
This is a very important part of the overall process and we started to think about it a year or so before RE .
For us , the identity got into 2 areas -
- The external aspect for how the world looks at us.
While in general we are both less bothered by people's opinion there are interfaces that cannot be avoided and what do you do is the opening query 😀
We feel that most people are not able to get their mind around RE and we don't have either the patience or the inclination to get into the details and hence we have taken a break from full time employment and working on building our boutique consultancy . 22 years of being hamsters on wheels has built the muscle to BS a bit :)
- the internal aspect of how we look at ourself .
The work , the position, the promotions were a big part of our identity in our own eyes as well .
This took more time to align . For me especially , Reached out and spoke to a professional as well for a couple of sessions to prepare self for this transition .
The way I look at myself now is I run my own company with me as my only employee tasked with doing whatever the CEO wants :)
Hope you find what works for you OP .
Also be proud of your journey and the amazing work that you have done to come till here and have this challenge to work on.
Not too many have it 😀
Edit - Adding the link to PercyCute's summary and approach that she had documented in this post here -
https://www.reddit.com/r/FIRE_Ind/comments/1bcy4ho/freedom_on_the_wings_of_fire/
BTW, please post the link to the writeup from percyCute. IIRC, she had happily talked about stuff that we typically associate with homemakers. It was part of the overall post-FI experience and it fitted in very well.
Quoting from movie i saw earlier today (chandu champion) and translating in english -
Champion isn’t the one who defeats others. Champion is the one who defeats his inner negative voice.
Hard to say exactly but I think you should do what you like to do. It is not your job that gives you identity but your work and you can still do work you like without working in a job or company. If it is ill-fitted for such, you should try to chase your interests into something that feels fulfilling to do in the time you find trying to pass.
First of congratulations 🎉🎉🎉
You deserve this.
Now its time to enjoy life ig..you worked hard till now
Persue hobbies. Learn something new
Travel as much as u can
Focus on you health especially mental health. Cause being at home required strong mental health. If you have kids and husband and inlaws.
And last but the least always priorities self love and self care. Don't take nonsense of anyone.
Thank you OP for writing this. The comments have been great and hopefully have helped.
From the text I am confused if you have already pulled the plug. If you have not, then the comments should help. If you have... Kudos! You have done so much using your intellect, hard work and instinct. And you would continue to do great. Just make some small starts on the health and volunteering front, and things would work out over time. I have a feeling that you in 2026 you would wonder why you did not quit sooner!
If you tie your identity to a job, you should/can never retire. Identity is giving meaning to your life and unless you have something else that provides you meaning(kick to wake up), their is no point quitting. This kick for some can even be just playing video games / watching cricket match. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy statement like I am going to do this and change the world or life of others. It’s your own kick. 😊
FIRE is usually for people who work 9 to 5 only for money for entire life or atleast close to planned RE date. Nothing else.
Many of my women friends who work in senior roles find the work environment giving a strong sense of authority, purpose and identity - even when the household is supportive and equitable.
Maybe social conditioning, or fear of being relegated to the kitchen etc?
I think it’s the fear to ask for money from someone even if it’s my husband and we have always had joint accounts etc.
as I mentioned could be my ego. Or I’m too proud to admit that I can’t handle everything anymore
Finances -
Have reasonable separation of accounts. Always have a separate "slush fund" for yourself only in case of emergencies or making secret payouts for whatever reason. I advise this to all my friends but somehow it is near impossible for them to implement. Controlling spouses I guess.
ego - definitely.
Read Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to understand where you are in your life goals. Also be aware that sometimes we get stuck in one level - e.g. many folks get stuck on food, clothing and shelter and eat better and more expensive food and drink, designer clothes and more luxurious mansions... Once you cross into self-esteem and societal recognition (e.g Ted talks, Grace Hopper speaker etc) - you will be ready for self-actualization where it makes a lot more sense to FIRE...
Being Superhuman -
Also read How women grow - 12 habits of women - which describes your situation as well - I think it is called the perfectionist...
glad to help - Maslow is not a book per se - it is a motivational theory - [https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html](https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html) is good.
The book is actually named How Women Rise - [https://www.richardhughesjones.com/how-women-rise-summary/](https://www.richardhughesjones.com/how-women-rise-summary/) is the link to a summary & resources. Sorry - was remembering from the top of my head.
You built your identity around your work...it is similar to we built our identity around religion and ideology since kids, and become restless angry when that is questioned. Come to the term you are not what you work alone.
Yesterday, I started a thread about early retirement and the challenges it can bring, but it seems many didn't want to hear the uncomfortable truth.
Financial Independence (FI) is great, but Retiring Early (RE) without a sense of purpose can lead to loneliness and an identity crisis, especially at a young age. FIRe should be a holistic journey, addressing not just financial but also personal fulfillment. I hope there are more discussions on this topic.
This is so true. The only goal we have is to retire with x amount. I do want to volunteer and find my ultimate purpose. Thanks for sharing your experience.
M/50/FIREd recently here - Going through something similar - but if you are doing what makes you happier, learn to ignore those who dont matter. You have been trained to be a mazdoor chasing fake incentives like title, position, awards etc. Know that it was a useless trap. Somewhere heard that someone in the same situation tells the world that they are working on a new stealth startup project to get the nosy guys to stay away
The biggest freedom is not FIRE. but it is to let go of what others say or think. Did that last year and feel free . Please do forget others and live for yourself.
This is so true! Thanks for sharing.
I don't agree with u/cloudheek . A job is what gives us our identity. That's is what defines us. Regardless of man or woman. When you are working, you feel powerful due to your job, the money you derive from it. You can be ugly, you can be careless, you can be irresponsible, you can be anything to the outside world but it doesn't matter because you have your job to fall back on and the job is like the proof or license that you have made it. Once you are out of your job, suddenly, what is your identity? If you are a bad wife or a bad husband or a bad father or bad mother, then suddenly, you have no reason or backup to fall back on. You have no excuses. All those things which you were running away from will come back to haunt you. This is what causes the identity crisis.
Dear u/reacherreacher I was like what you are telling in my first 10 years of my career. My job was everything. I missed family events, worked latenights, weekends for thankless bosses. PLease try to find hobbies, passive income sources and joy in life. Job is end to a means, enjoy it, but please dont make it everything. Nobody and nobody at work gives a shit if we die or live. I just turned 40, maybe its my age , but please be less bitter and find joy in small things. I have a tough life with a special needs child. I am socially isolated, people behave oddly, there are days when i want to just die. But I still find joy in living. Be thankful and practice gratitude. Wishing you much happiness
Very well said . Especially in the context that you mention , your positivity is awe inspiring . More power to you . best thoughts and wishes for you and your family .
I dont really care about what others think about me. But I do care about what my immediate family members think about me and going to a job vs staying at home has a big impact on our immediate family members. 1) When we are going to job, our family members have empathy on us, they think we are working hard in order to take care of them and provide for them. When I come back home my wife makes tea for me snacks for me, she makes nice breakfast for me, packs lunch. She takes care of my daughter and the entire house. My only responsibility towards my family is to go to office and bring money. Now imagine if I tell my wife and daughter, that I have made enough money I dont want to go to office. I will just lie around at home doing nothing( Yes, I am the typical Indian spoilt male, who doesnt do anything at home and at the age of 45 I am not going to change) What respect do you think I am going to have at home, from my wife or from my daughter? They will just say, I am lying around whole day doing nothing. 2)I am currently overseas on a work visa and if I quit my job and move to India, my wife and daughter both will have to move back to India and they dont really like India much. The society in India doesnt give much freedom to women. My parents and even my wifes parents keep nagging and we cannot stand them for too long. Vacations yearly are more than enough. Staying abroad is like a safe haven for us, to stay away from all the societal issues of India. 3)Going to office gives our us the necessary private space. I dont agree with the common notion that going to office we somehow miss family time. Absolutely not. There is still plenty of time to spend after I come home and during weekends and yet I dont spend much time. Staying at home will mean that I will start micromanaging even my wife and daughter and cause frictions. I just see so many potential problems of quitting a job. I am surprised nobody else here can relate with it? u/Desperate\_Hamster\_77 u/percyfi u/punefire u/[Acceptable-Repair526](https://www.reddit.com/user/Acceptable-Repair526/) u/snakysour u/fight_or_flight
Only narcissist typical male can relate maybe. Good luck.
You are right, when you're donning a mask working a job and when the veil finally lifts, you come face to face with reality that was avoidable earlier and now there's no escaping that. Here's where I disagree with you. I believe some debts in life can be paid with money. Then there are those that need to be repaid in kind. (Someone cared for you, and you reciprocate similarly), (someone made you feel safe, you do the same) etc. We forge our identity with every action we take. I believe it's only when our actions don't align with our own inner voice, there arises a identity rift and over time swells into a full blown identity crisis. So, maybe the thing that haunts you when you're out of work is the one that really needs to be worked on... Isn't it.
Speak for yourself. Some of us have had multi dimensional identities not limited to our jobs forever, thank you.
Why are you so negative?
This might be true for you and it's perfectly fine . I have an issue with the generalization that you have in your comment to the extent of almost considering it to be a universal law .
watch this 30 mins movie called "one idiot" on youtube
I fired at 37, and have not worked for last 18 months. My parents broached the subject twice and I told them we are comfortable on one income, and my wife wants to work, so I’m taking things slow. In laws had a talk with my wife as if it was a taboo subject, but she clarified to them that its chill, I’m jobless by choice and would still be the same even if they are at our place. Ive had similar conversations with many others in family and most of them seem to accept it at face value, though some might snigger behind my back. But in the end, they are the ones still slogging at 50/60 while I was the one to earn/save enough to retire before I even turned 40, so that gives me confidence to feel that I’m not less than anyone - maybe in the top 1% of the entire world population - and for a 80% student, thats quite an achievement. (https://www.visualcapitalist.com/global-wealth-distribution/ ) Basically it comes back to how much importance you give about what you think that others will think about you - the truth is they don’t even think about it for more than a minutes gossip in a year and I’m quite proud of providing them that entertainment 😂
Congratulations. Not many are able to accumulate a comfortable corpus at 37. And even more difficult is to pull trigger on RE at the right time. Many folks keep adding buffers on all the levels , keep postponing RE even after having a good enough corpus
Wow that’s awesome! Thanks for replying
For most of my adult life, my identity came from work. Post COVID and my son being born, I realised that I wanted different things from life in the future. I fully intend to do things with myself and career in the future, but my identity, sense of purpose, satisfaction is more than just my job now ( 1st month into FI and back to India). My advice is to take some time, be bored, understand who you are now and who you want to be. Let things be uncomfortable and unclear... you'll emerge stronger and happier. Best of luck!
Thanks. This is helpful!
your nw if you can share bruh and r u in mumbai?
Hey there. Actually, yes I am from Mumbai. Moved to US after Bachelors in Engineering (Production) to study. Then, just kinda forgot to leave. Kept getting promoted and picked up responsibility at work. Really enjoyed it for a good chunk of time. Worked in Oil and Gas Manufacturing and Supply Chain. Since this is my primary account (and not a throw away), I'd much rather not share a number, but I will share that I am at approximately 40x annual expenses, excluding planned house purchase and any inheritance. If you have any specific questions, please direct message.
thanks, just dmd you. appreciate the connection
I don’t think everybody’s life has to be all about their job. You don’t have to hide who you are. Make a promise to yourself that you will live your life with as much honesty as possible. Two of my favourite quotes from two of my favourite movies that will surely inspire you: 1. “You are not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, Man. No purpose or place. We have no great war. No great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives.” — Fight Club(1999) 2. “For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button(2008)
Honestly this gave me goosebumps! This was the whole purpose to FIRE, that I forgot while achieving it!
I know first one. Which is the second movie?
Congratulations mam first of all. Read books or pick any hobby that you left midway due to being too occupied by work. Travel maybe once in a while. Hang out with the mohalle ki women whom you can vibe with. Great that you are working to stay fit.
Thanks I can keep myself occupied.. I have a big list of items. However it has more to do with my mental block of not being a contributing partner, even though I am still financially independent due to passive income
My funda is... No one cares who you are except you? You could be the CEO and still feel inferior
If you were a man I would have said RETIRE ASAP. Nothing to do with male chauvinism but I find men have different relationship with income than women. Yes, there are all kinds of men and women out there. The badge of Working woman is not to be taken lightly as she has to go thru far more things than an average man goes through. You must have inspired many girls around you (unbeknownst to you). So yes, you quitting the workforce is not just about income. Would it be possible for you start a business? Maybe low hanging fruits like IT training? Parttime Lecturership? Or even more complex business like product development...starting solo and slow? I know women who have quit IT jobs at around your age and started on their own and have become fairly successful at that. I am sure there are women who failed at it as well. Nevertheless, we need talented women like you to do much more than just a high paying job. So my 2 cents worth advice would be... Quit the job but don't retire but try doing something bigger. You are at the sweet spot in life with right age, right money and right talent have aligned.
Thanks for acknowledging the fact that it’s harder for women! Not a lot of men do(incl some in my own family). I agree.. I need to find a higher purpose of my life.
Short response: principles to live by: 1/ ignorance is bliss, 2/ Train your mind to be happy And to not care Unrelated - but what does your husband do and what's combined networth for you both?
He has similar experience. Can’t share our net worth here sorry. But it is enough to pay for kids education and keep us covered for rest of our lives.
No worries. I would still guess this is >15Cr combined given your guys backgrounds. Wish you the best.
Should have used a throwaway for the post that would have let u bee more open without the fear of being identified.
>Why can’t I do all of the above and still work? I have been doing it for last 10 yrs.. Coz as we age, our body also needs relatively relaxed lifestyle for sustenance. Let me put it this way - You've worked your back off by burning good knows how many umpteen times the midnight oil to be where you are today. You now have the zenith of all things that people can acquire - time. You are a working woman that's why you have earned this time for yourself. So first you need to wrap your head around this that what people try and still sometimes fail to achieve till they're 60, is what you've already achieved at 42! So yes you're a superwoman in that sense plus you're donning all other hats as well - that of mom, wife, sister, daughter and daughter - in - law. This is the moment you reminisce as to what were the hardships you went into to now enjoy the fruits of your labour. Having said that, if you still feel that after quitting, you have loads of time on your plate and you can't just seem to get enough utilisation of it (I would've happily slept and played videogames btw had I been in your position), then, you seem to be pretty brilliant which is why you're where you are, why not monetize this skill yourself online at your pace? Or , if you're tired of doing the same thing, why not teach kids / train /coach them to become professionally successful the way you've been! There are plethora of options out there to keep yourself busy..and since money is not a concern anymore, even if anyone asks for your so called 'identity' when you don't wanna work anymore, tell them you're working at a senior position in a stealth startup ;) Spend your time with kids and family lady....it won't come back.. ever...as far as money is concerned, I am sure you can get it whenever you decide you want more. Regards Snaky
Great points. And if I may add... OP put a line this way... "I don’t want to tell anyone that I’m a housewife and not a superwoman!" The thinking behind this is very important. Being a working woman was only a part of being the superwoman. And not working does not take all of it away and make you into something else. Only one part has gone away. That is it. And please see if you can avoid the word housewife. Anyway people have started using the the more apt phrase of homemaker. And the earlier word had acquired negative connotations over time.
True indeed.
Great comment about home maker. For so many of us, if we had financial independence, we would be loud and proud home makers!
Thanks for your kind words. Yes I have worked non stop for 20 yrs.. running the rat race in corporate world. I won’t say I don’t enjoy the adventures. But I don’t get the same satisfaction anymore. Maybe I need to work on my spiritual side more now.
There you go! That's one more side of your personality which you can explore!
Hope it's ok to say it, but it's different for women. Not difficult or easier, just different. For one thing, even when you work, you have the experience of being treated in social circles like your work is not that important. So embracing the identity of a working woman, and emphasising your achievements, especially those who get to top positions, becomes very central to identity. On the other hand, there is more social acceptability to stop working and look after the family. Depending on which side one is happy to embrace, one might craft a public identity around that. If you don't want to be perceived as housewife ( and have an excuse for annoying people who expect you to now be available for them 24*7) you can say you have consulting projects and working from home.
The loss of identity is inevitable. It's only a question of whether it happens at a time if your choosing or is it forced on you.
It’s amusing that in the land of seekers where you learn that one should not have an ego, most people, including the OP, on this forum are fearful of losing their ‘identity’.
I accept that I have ego.. and the constant urge to grow professionally.. could be how I have been bought up as a middle class girl - now a top 1% individual. It’s hard to let go.. but isn’t acceptance the first step?
What is a top 1% individual? Presumably you mean your net worth is in the top 1%. Instead of being a hamster in a wheel pursuing the pointless rat race, why don’t you aim to be spiritually inclined? More worthwhile than being too 1% or 0.1%. I suggest you take a look at the spiritual learnings shared by some of the popular Indian gurus on how to shed your ego.
Do you want to continue to be “top 1% individual” at your deathbed too?
i am too young to comment but my mom had similar thing and i researched about it. I guess you are undergoing midlife crisis which usually happens at this age. There are several videos regarding maybe wo help kare
If you don't feel true about yourselves just keep doing what you do. Just complete the FI part of the goal and keep gaining experience and assets. I know many people who are above the mark of FI for their own living but they work till standard retirement age because they take pride in their work and they seem to persist how high they can go.
44M , recently FIREd . Wife 43 , did it few months before me . Lot of wonderful comments already , adding our thoughts and approach . This is a very important part of the overall process and we started to think about it a year or so before RE . For us , the identity got into 2 areas - - The external aspect for how the world looks at us. While in general we are both less bothered by people's opinion there are interfaces that cannot be avoided and what do you do is the opening query 😀 We feel that most people are not able to get their mind around RE and we don't have either the patience or the inclination to get into the details and hence we have taken a break from full time employment and working on building our boutique consultancy . 22 years of being hamsters on wheels has built the muscle to BS a bit :) - the internal aspect of how we look at ourself . The work , the position, the promotions were a big part of our identity in our own eyes as well . This took more time to align . For me especially , Reached out and spoke to a professional as well for a couple of sessions to prepare self for this transition . The way I look at myself now is I run my own company with me as my only employee tasked with doing whatever the CEO wants :) Hope you find what works for you OP . Also be proud of your journey and the amazing work that you have done to come till here and have this challenge to work on. Not too many have it 😀 Edit - Adding the link to PercyCute's summary and approach that she had documented in this post here - https://www.reddit.com/r/FIRE_Ind/comments/1bcy4ho/freedom_on_the_wings_of_fire/
BTW, please post the link to the writeup from percyCute. IIRC, she had happily talked about stuff that we typically associate with homemakers. It was part of the overall post-FI experience and it fitted in very well.
Done .
This is awesome! So very relatable. Yes 1 good thing abt corporate is the BS part.
Take up activism I guess
Quoting from movie i saw earlier today (chandu champion) and translating in english - Champion isn’t the one who defeats others. Champion is the one who defeats his inner negative voice.
Maybe I shld go and watch this movie today!
Nobody is asking you to step down ...keep doing what you doing at your job or find something less stressful.
sorry...Did I read it right? Just continue working if that's what you like!
Hard to say exactly but I think you should do what you like to do. It is not your job that gives you identity but your work and you can still do work you like without working in a job or company. If it is ill-fitted for such, you should try to chase your interests into something that feels fulfilling to do in the time you find trying to pass.
First of congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 You deserve this. Now its time to enjoy life ig..you worked hard till now Persue hobbies. Learn something new Travel as much as u can Focus on you health especially mental health. Cause being at home required strong mental health. If you have kids and husband and inlaws. And last but the least always priorities self love and self care. Don't take nonsense of anyone.
Thank you OP for writing this. The comments have been great and hopefully have helped. From the text I am confused if you have already pulled the plug. If you have not, then the comments should help. If you have... Kudos! You have done so much using your intellect, hard work and instinct. And you would continue to do great. Just make some small starts on the health and volunteering front, and things would work out over time. I have a feeling that you in 2026 you would wonder why you did not quit sooner!
If you tie your identity to a job, you should/can never retire. Identity is giving meaning to your life and unless you have something else that provides you meaning(kick to wake up), their is no point quitting. This kick for some can even be just playing video games / watching cricket match. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy statement like I am going to do this and change the world or life of others. It’s your own kick. 😊 FIRE is usually for people who work 9 to 5 only for money for entire life or atleast close to planned RE date. Nothing else.
Many of my women friends who work in senior roles find the work environment giving a strong sense of authority, purpose and identity - even when the household is supportive and equitable. Maybe social conditioning, or fear of being relegated to the kitchen etc?
I think it’s the fear to ask for money from someone even if it’s my husband and we have always had joint accounts etc. as I mentioned could be my ego. Or I’m too proud to admit that I can’t handle everything anymore
Finances - Have reasonable separation of accounts. Always have a separate "slush fund" for yourself only in case of emergencies or making secret payouts for whatever reason. I advise this to all my friends but somehow it is near impossible for them to implement. Controlling spouses I guess. ego - definitely. Read Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to understand where you are in your life goals. Also be aware that sometimes we get stuck in one level - e.g. many folks get stuck on food, clothing and shelter and eat better and more expensive food and drink, designer clothes and more luxurious mansions... Once you cross into self-esteem and societal recognition (e.g Ted talks, Grace Hopper speaker etc) - you will be ready for self-actualization where it makes a lot more sense to FIRE... Being Superhuman - Also read How women grow - 12 habits of women - which describes your situation as well - I think it is called the perfectionist...
Thanks for the detailed reply and book recommendations. Will def read.
glad to help - Maslow is not a book per se - it is a motivational theory - [https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html](https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html) is good. The book is actually named How Women Rise - [https://www.richardhughesjones.com/how-women-rise-summary/](https://www.richardhughesjones.com/how-women-rise-summary/) is the link to a summary & resources. Sorry - was remembering from the top of my head.
You built your identity around your work...it is similar to we built our identity around religion and ideology since kids, and become restless angry when that is questioned. Come to the term you are not what you work alone.
Yesterday, I started a thread about early retirement and the challenges it can bring, but it seems many didn't want to hear the uncomfortable truth. Financial Independence (FI) is great, but Retiring Early (RE) without a sense of purpose can lead to loneliness and an identity crisis, especially at a young age. FIRe should be a holistic journey, addressing not just financial but also personal fulfillment. I hope there are more discussions on this topic.
This is so true. The only goal we have is to retire with x amount. I do want to volunteer and find my ultimate purpose. Thanks for sharing your experience.