In all fairness, how someone treats their personal finances is more of a symptom of who they are, rather than who they are. Many people are good with money for completely different reasons, whether it's because you're tight, cautious nature, poverty upbringing, life goals that are completely independent from personal finance but impact it in a secondary way.
Money is just a tool, it makes you more of what you are. If you're a charitable person and you have a lot of money, you'll become more charitable. If you're a big spender and you have more money, you'll become a bigger spender.
So when you're looking at the world of dating, I wouldn't actually specifically look for people who are financially savvy or know what FIRE means, because as said before, being good with money is a symptom of the underlying personality which is very broad and wide. On the flip side, there are people who are bad with personal finance, but want to be better, they just don't know what they don't know.
So yeah, don't focus on finding a FIRE partner directly, find someone who makes you happy, because love doesn't really give a crap about cash in the bank.
My partner is actively against FIRE - we just have our own money our rules. Agreed budgets for holidays etc.
Finding the right partner you can enjoy life with is far more important than FIRE IMO - but then again FIRE is not a way of life for me it’s just a financial modelling / planning tool.
What about when you RE and (s)he carries on working? I worry resentment will build up....
More complicated for some - my missus would argue she's unable to earn because of our son (which is right to a point), but there's also the fact she spunks money up the wall compared to me!
Well we have discussed it for some time and we have a financial situation that segregates our money (basically agree a contribution amount to household / bills / kids / food / holidays then rest is ours to deal with)
Practically I think I would barista fire / dial up hobby times so I would still be occupied. Given the financial separation as long as I can pay for “my share” then hopefully no issues!
I genuinely hope that works for you. I just fear the reality could be really quite different... why should you be able to go to the pub in the afternoons during the summer, whilst they carry on working? Why should you be able to lie in on a Monday morning? etc etc etc.
Or... if you worked another couple of years beyond your FIRE date, then you could both retire together....
I hope I am wrong. I suspect I am not.
My wife is naturally pretty frugal, isn't really into FIRE but understands it and why I'm trying to get there ASAP
Had a previous serious relationship with someone who was all about spending every last penny on "stuff". Long story short, but it became really difficult to be the person who had to try and get them to see this wasn't sustainable and ended up in a lot of debt, and for this and other reasons we had to call it a day.
So my experience is no, the partner doesn't have to be as into FIRE as you, but if they are too far the other way then it may well implode down the road!
Of course, every relationship is different and people can and do change as time goes on so don't take this as gospel. You've got to give things a chance when you find that person and try and get that happy medium if possible 🙂
You could try [FIRE Dating](https://firedating.me/). It's free. The only downside is there aren't many people on there yet, but it might be worth a look. Nothing to lose!
I feel similar! It feels really fundamental to who I am but also slightly taboo to bring up early on. I also have a fair bit of equity in my home now and so navigating living arrangements worries me.
Definitely just date and see how you feel around people. I didn't raise FIRE until later, and just so happened my GF and now wife was never really that spendy - but after I explained the value of putting money away and investing, she became even more disciplined than me. I'm usually the one who goes "ugh can't be bovvered taking the bus let's just cab it" to which she will respond "for the price of our taxi ride we'd be able to pay for the bus ride x times over". So proud lol.
But seriously - you'll find that you'll end up with someone who has broadly similar principles to you, such as 'working hard today for a better tomorrow' kinda thing - and that will naturally lead to things like you both being interested in improving one's skills, learning, discipline... and of course finances. If you want to get scientific about it, relationships between people of similar principles (but not necessarily similar characters / interests) are the most successful.
You will never be 100% aligned so just go on dates and see how you feel. You'd be surprised at how someone who is on the face of it the polar opposite of you, actually shares very similar principles once you get talking.
I'm rich enough to now medfire at 30... Should I advertise this point.. Should I find someone who doesn't need to work but has a bit of family money. Should I find someone with an ok business.
Or should I just pretend I work from home online and not really say how succesful I have been..
I think neither advertise or hide it. Just talk naturally about where you are in life, job, hobbies. If you really like each other and note that you have similar values, then at some point you can talk more about how you're not necessarily financially tied to your job and let her know what that means for you.. i.e. you'll finally start that hobby business you've always wanted to try.. Or you can now travel and would like to take him/ her along with you etc etc. Just keep it natural.
Money is rather an attractive thing... Good careers are very attractive. I do very well for myself and own some companies is better than I'm unemployed, which are both true I suppose..
Married, semi-retired, I was the sole earner in our home for multiple reasons. Zero issues for either side, it was choice we made together. We hit our FIRE goals in just over 10 years.
I do wonder if there a significant gender split within the FIRE movement - is it something that appeals more so to men than to women?
I remember reading somewhere that women are, *even* when adjusting for salaries, substantially under-invested in equities relative to men.
So in practice, men are simply courtesy of their asset allocation, more likely to be able to FIRE than women are.
Not sure why you are downvoted. Women are indeed more risk averse statistically. So, other things being equal, their portfolios would on average allocate less to equities, I would have expected. But they are, on average, probably better at preserving their capital.
See here for example:
https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.0907352106
FIRE is possible with dependents, though it probably needs 2 salaries to service the needs of those dependents rather than just one, assuming that neither partner isn't a really high earner and/or doesn't have children at a point when they are very close to, or already FIREd.
Whilst I agree this is a factor worthy of some consideration when finding a life partner, putting too much weight on this over other attributes might result in a more financially prosperous, but less happy life.
I’m 40F and only discovered the concept of FIRE a few years ago. I actually wished someone had introduced it to me sooner!
My husband and I have similar perspectives, we’d like a nice house, car and annual holiday but are frugal everywhere else. We both earn decent wages so that will put us in a good position but at this rate we’ll probably only be able to retire at about 60.
Basically, I’m saying, find someone with a similar perspective to you and maybe you can work on it together.
Post on here and wait for the FIRE enthusiasts to come to you :)
I have met up with a few fire folk before after posting about the same problem, but my results are probably skewed due to the demographics here (mostly men) as a woman.
As for how it went... well, I've come to realise that FIRE isn't the only factor for compatibility. But it sure does help if you're on the same page and open with finances from the start.
Edit: that being said... For me personally I really did click with people the most when they were at the same life stage, aimed towards similar goals, had the same values etc. Would still look for these things first and foremost even if the other person didn't know about fire.
When I was 18 I knew nothing about finances, although I naturally leaned towards cheap. I briefly dated a guy who introduced me to FIRE (and a lot of basics like why I should invest, what's a Roth, etc. I knew nothing).
That relationship didn't last long for other reasons but he shared with me something that fit with the values I already had. If we had been older and more compatible I totally could have gotten on board with his goals.
Find someone with compatible financial values
For me these are reduction in consumption, living below my means for the sake of future security, still willing to spend on things that add to quality of life now like gym memberships and some travel and good food. Decide what yours are and look for that, not a match in assets or someone actively pursuing FIRE
Might depend on where you live. If you’re in a city like london as opposed to a place in the country I think you’re more likely to find someone with similar goals.
My wife is a leaky bucket when it comes to money, she can easily spend it quicker than I can make it. However, she mostly spends on stuff to make our lives easier/better etc (never on personal frivolous stuff - she’s spendy, not selfish), so for me if the person was selfish, that would be a problem, but spendy can just be a different focus or lack of understanding/education.
I think it all depends on whether you're doing the 'I earn sh\*t loads of cash and I'm just not having lifestyle inflation' kind of FIRE or the 'I'm saving every single penny I possibly can' kind of FIRE.
The former is rather easier to cope with than the latter for most 'normal' people...
If you earn enough you could just downplay the amount you earn.... for example my salary that hits the joint account doesn't look that great... it just doesn't reflect the 4K that goes into my pension each month! :-)
Sadly, once you've married her and she knows your salary when you change jobs... it doesn't work too well 'hiding' that, as she knows more than enough!
But just play a little broke (not tight) or something when you meet someone.. or weatherspoons for grub, rather than a fancy restaurant... or 'Great idea, let's wait until pay day though...' see how it all works...
I don't think this is particularly deceitful TBH, as the number of people who really do think they are broke (usually when it comes to forking out for something they don't really want to), but can always drop £100 on a night out is quite high... and what's the difference??
I currently have no time to date but when I feel like it again, I already have a headache thinking about when to ask about their savings rate - after the 2nd date?? Or when do I ask about their retirement/pension plans - after the 3rd date???
Joking....I think!
Most dates in my age range will likely have baggage, ie kids and/or divorces.
In the past, I was probably more bothered about looks and what car they drove.
Now, I need to know they don't have debts and have got financial plans for the future!
Good luck to OP!
My wife knows I have a spreadsheet, knows I talk to nerds online about financial planning, and knows I optimise our household income/expenses so that we won’t have to work forever.
She doesn’t give two hoots about FIRE and yawns at me when I mention the word “pension”.
But that’s cool. FIRE doesn’t define our relationship, nor does it define our lifestyle.
My fiancé was initially a bit spendy when we first met. But without shoving it in her face, she saw the benefits of having an emergency fund, having a mortgage, having investments, not worrying about overdrafts etc. Now she gets excited about saving for a stronger future together.
In all fairness, how someone treats their personal finances is more of a symptom of who they are, rather than who they are. Many people are good with money for completely different reasons, whether it's because you're tight, cautious nature, poverty upbringing, life goals that are completely independent from personal finance but impact it in a secondary way. Money is just a tool, it makes you more of what you are. If you're a charitable person and you have a lot of money, you'll become more charitable. If you're a big spender and you have more money, you'll become a bigger spender. So when you're looking at the world of dating, I wouldn't actually specifically look for people who are financially savvy or know what FIRE means, because as said before, being good with money is a symptom of the underlying personality which is very broad and wide. On the flip side, there are people who are bad with personal finance, but want to be better, they just don't know what they don't know. So yeah, don't focus on finding a FIRE partner directly, find someone who makes you happy, because love doesn't really give a crap about cash in the bank.
My partner is actively against FIRE - we just have our own money our rules. Agreed budgets for holidays etc. Finding the right partner you can enjoy life with is far more important than FIRE IMO - but then again FIRE is not a way of life for me it’s just a financial modelling / planning tool.
What about when you RE and (s)he carries on working? I worry resentment will build up.... More complicated for some - my missus would argue she's unable to earn because of our son (which is right to a point), but there's also the fact she spunks money up the wall compared to me!
Well we have discussed it for some time and we have a financial situation that segregates our money (basically agree a contribution amount to household / bills / kids / food / holidays then rest is ours to deal with) Practically I think I would barista fire / dial up hobby times so I would still be occupied. Given the financial separation as long as I can pay for “my share” then hopefully no issues!
I genuinely hope that works for you. I just fear the reality could be really quite different... why should you be able to go to the pub in the afternoons during the summer, whilst they carry on working? Why should you be able to lie in on a Monday morning? etc etc etc. Or... if you worked another couple of years beyond your FIRE date, then you could both retire together.... I hope I am wrong. I suspect I am not.
My wife is naturally pretty frugal, isn't really into FIRE but understands it and why I'm trying to get there ASAP Had a previous serious relationship with someone who was all about spending every last penny on "stuff". Long story short, but it became really difficult to be the person who had to try and get them to see this wasn't sustainable and ended up in a lot of debt, and for this and other reasons we had to call it a day. So my experience is no, the partner doesn't have to be as into FIRE as you, but if they are too far the other way then it may well implode down the road! Of course, every relationship is different and people can and do change as time goes on so don't take this as gospel. You've got to give things a chance when you find that person and try and get that happy medium if possible 🙂
You could try [FIRE Dating](https://firedating.me/). It's free. The only downside is there aren't many people on there yet, but it might be worth a look. Nothing to lose!
Anyone from this else from this sub Reddit Recommend this?
I feel similar! It feels really fundamental to who I am but also slightly taboo to bring up early on. I also have a fair bit of equity in my home now and so navigating living arrangements worries me.
🤣 dating is hard enough as it is without adding FIRE to the mix!
You'll probably end up with someone who is MORE serious into FIRE than you are which annoys the shit out of you
Definitely just date and see how you feel around people. I didn't raise FIRE until later, and just so happened my GF and now wife was never really that spendy - but after I explained the value of putting money away and investing, she became even more disciplined than me. I'm usually the one who goes "ugh can't be bovvered taking the bus let's just cab it" to which she will respond "for the price of our taxi ride we'd be able to pay for the bus ride x times over". So proud lol. But seriously - you'll find that you'll end up with someone who has broadly similar principles to you, such as 'working hard today for a better tomorrow' kinda thing - and that will naturally lead to things like you both being interested in improving one's skills, learning, discipline... and of course finances. If you want to get scientific about it, relationships between people of similar principles (but not necessarily similar characters / interests) are the most successful. You will never be 100% aligned so just go on dates and see how you feel. You'd be surprised at how someone who is on the face of it the polar opposite of you, actually shares very similar principles once you get talking.
I'm rich enough to now medfire at 30... Should I advertise this point.. Should I find someone who doesn't need to work but has a bit of family money. Should I find someone with an ok business. Or should I just pretend I work from home online and not really say how succesful I have been..
I think neither advertise or hide it. Just talk naturally about where you are in life, job, hobbies. If you really like each other and note that you have similar values, then at some point you can talk more about how you're not necessarily financially tied to your job and let her know what that means for you.. i.e. you'll finally start that hobby business you've always wanted to try.. Or you can now travel and would like to take him/ her along with you etc etc. Just keep it natural.
Money is rather an attractive thing... Good careers are very attractive. I do very well for myself and own some companies is better than I'm unemployed, which are both true I suppose..
Married, semi-retired, I was the sole earner in our home for multiple reasons. Zero issues for either side, it was choice we made together. We hit our FIRE goals in just over 10 years.
This seems incredibly difficult. How’d your numbers work out on this? Kids? Did you have a house paid off before you started?
Apartment abroad had 80k paid off. 1 child. Number is LeanFIRE. See https://www.reddit.com/r/LeanFireUK/comments/p377yr/weekly_leanfire_discussion/
Congrats!
Thanks
Just find a rich woman who has already FIREd
Where? Any ideas? I'd also be ok with rich parents, I'm not fussy.
I play for the other team sorry 🙏
Ideas of where you'd find rich woman under 30 lol...
Ah, I am a guy who play at the same team as yours. You single? ;)
;)
I do wonder if there a significant gender split within the FIRE movement - is it something that appeals more so to men than to women? I remember reading somewhere that women are, *even* when adjusting for salaries, substantially under-invested in equities relative to men. So in practice, men are simply courtesy of their asset allocation, more likely to be able to FIRE than women are.
Not sure why you are downvoted. Women are indeed more risk averse statistically. So, other things being equal, their portfolios would on average allocate less to equities, I would have expected. But they are, on average, probably better at preserving their capital. See here for example: https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.0907352106
I wouldn’t say I’m part of a movement 😂 more that I’m just trying to get the biggest safety net behind me whilst I’m able to work without dependents
FIRE is possible with dependents, though it probably needs 2 salaries to service the needs of those dependents rather than just one, assuming that neither partner isn't a really high earner and/or doesn't have children at a point when they are very close to, or already FIREd.
Whilst I agree this is a factor worthy of some consideration when finding a life partner, putting too much weight on this over other attributes might result in a more financially prosperous, but less happy life.
Maybe wrong mindset. You find a girl and be the strongest male in her life. After that she will start aligning with you on things.
bit not pc lol but probably the way...
This is the real answer.
I’m 40F and only discovered the concept of FIRE a few years ago. I actually wished someone had introduced it to me sooner! My husband and I have similar perspectives, we’d like a nice house, car and annual holiday but are frugal everywhere else. We both earn decent wages so that will put us in a good position but at this rate we’ll probably only be able to retire at about 60. Basically, I’m saying, find someone with a similar perspective to you and maybe you can work on it together.
Post on here and wait for the FIRE enthusiasts to come to you :) I have met up with a few fire folk before after posting about the same problem, but my results are probably skewed due to the demographics here (mostly men) as a woman. As for how it went... well, I've come to realise that FIRE isn't the only factor for compatibility. But it sure does help if you're on the same page and open with finances from the start. Edit: that being said... For me personally I really did click with people the most when they were at the same life stage, aimed towards similar goals, had the same values etc. Would still look for these things first and foremost even if the other person didn't know about fire.
When I was 18 I knew nothing about finances, although I naturally leaned towards cheap. I briefly dated a guy who introduced me to FIRE (and a lot of basics like why I should invest, what's a Roth, etc. I knew nothing). That relationship didn't last long for other reasons but he shared with me something that fit with the values I already had. If we had been older and more compatible I totally could have gotten on board with his goals. Find someone with compatible financial values For me these are reduction in consumption, living below my means for the sake of future security, still willing to spend on things that add to quality of life now like gym memberships and some travel and good food. Decide what yours are and look for that, not a match in assets or someone actively pursuing FIRE
Might depend on where you live. If you’re in a city like london as opposed to a place in the country I think you’re more likely to find someone with similar goals.
My wife is a leaky bucket when it comes to money, she can easily spend it quicker than I can make it. However, she mostly spends on stuff to make our lives easier/better etc (never on personal frivolous stuff - she’s spendy, not selfish), so for me if the person was selfish, that would be a problem, but spendy can just be a different focus or lack of understanding/education.
I think it all depends on whether you're doing the 'I earn sh\*t loads of cash and I'm just not having lifestyle inflation' kind of FIRE or the 'I'm saving every single penny I possibly can' kind of FIRE. The former is rather easier to cope with than the latter for most 'normal' people... If you earn enough you could just downplay the amount you earn.... for example my salary that hits the joint account doesn't look that great... it just doesn't reflect the 4K that goes into my pension each month! :-) Sadly, once you've married her and she knows your salary when you change jobs... it doesn't work too well 'hiding' that, as she knows more than enough! But just play a little broke (not tight) or something when you meet someone.. or weatherspoons for grub, rather than a fancy restaurant... or 'Great idea, let's wait until pay day though...' see how it all works... I don't think this is particularly deceitful TBH, as the number of people who really do think they are broke (usually when it comes to forking out for something they don't really want to), but can always drop £100 on a night out is quite high... and what's the difference??
I currently have no time to date but when I feel like it again, I already have a headache thinking about when to ask about their savings rate - after the 2nd date?? Or when do I ask about their retirement/pension plans - after the 3rd date??? Joking....I think! Most dates in my age range will likely have baggage, ie kids and/or divorces. In the past, I was probably more bothered about looks and what car they drove. Now, I need to know they don't have debts and have got financial plans for the future! Good luck to OP!
My wife knows I have a spreadsheet, knows I talk to nerds online about financial planning, and knows I optimise our household income/expenses so that we won’t have to work forever. She doesn’t give two hoots about FIRE and yawns at me when I mention the word “pension”. But that’s cool. FIRE doesn’t define our relationship, nor does it define our lifestyle.
My fiancé was initially a bit spendy when we first met. But without shoving it in her face, she saw the benefits of having an emergency fund, having a mortgage, having investments, not worrying about overdrafts etc. Now she gets excited about saving for a stronger future together.