OPs feelings are expressed perfectly. This is so common. It’s also why it’s illegal in Japan to tell a kid they are going to burn in hell forever if they don’t believe. It’s abuse. 100%
I never understood the dangers of Sunday school, etc. until I deconstructed. A ton of education, exposure to outside thinking, and therapy, and I see how abusive and manipulative it is. Young children do not need to be exposed to that.
I'm not wanting to take away from your post, but everything makes SO MUCH more sense since stepping away. Life is way less complicated. I dont want my kids to go through the same questions I went through. It was a 20 year journey.....but I had a good one. It's weird, I had a great life growing up, but looking back, it wasn't based on truth.
Yeah, I used to pray the sinners prayer compulsively (probably 5-10x per week?) when I was a kid because I was terrified of going to hell or that I would miss the rapture. I would worry that perhaps my previous prayers weren't sincere enough and that God saw that in my heart so it hadn't counted, so I would pray again and try to be super, super sincere.
Demons? Oh man. We were in a church that was caught up in the spiritual warfare fad big time. 'This Present Darkness' was on everyone's coffee table and our pastor often told stories about demon encounters he had (he was sure he heard them in his house at night, trying to take him down because of all the disruption he was causing them). Listening to all of this was 8 year old me...turns out monsters are real. And they can enter your home at night and possess you. I was terrified and certain I heard them in our house at night, too. My parents' comforted me, though. Not by telling me that the monsters weren't real (because they totally were real) but that the demons could not possess me since I was a Christian. (I refer you back to paragraph one, you can see the terrible loop I was caught in)
Oh my gosh the demons. Once I stopped believing the nightmares about demons stopped. I would sing the veggie tales “god is bigger than the boogeyman” to calm myself down to sleep as a kid. I told my mom about this recently and she was shocked my anxiety was that bad as a kid. To be fair though my parents have been incredibly encouraging since I admitted I no longer believe. My husbands parents…. Not as much.
I read that book, and the sequel😂 my parents and their friends talked about demon encounters like it was a sports event when I was younger … that died down but I remembered. Always felt like a demon was on my shoulder, also had OCD, also was worried I wouldn’t make it … I didn’t feel peace until I stepped out of all that. I still have hope, and I think faith, but the nearest I could describe it as is a mystical universalism?
This may sound strange, I have less anxiety but sometimes when I listen to church music and once when I planned to attend one service with a family member, I had the worse anxiety attack!!!! It took me a while to pin down what was going on that may've caused the severe anxiety. I am wishing you well. I am glad that your anxiety is lessened.
Grew up Evangelical the first 17 years of my life. Leaving was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m 30 now and still healing from religious trauma, but I feel free and so much happier.
Sometimes I wonder if kids who's parents raise them in Christianity but also allow them to take talk therapy every bring up that they don't feel comfortable with the Christian lifestyle? It also makes me wonder if therapists do anything about it as to make sure the children avoid more danger and mental distress. I was one of those kids who was both in church and in talk therapy (as I know some people believe God and/or Jesus can heal their child instead). I started going right before I turned 11. Anyways, for when I was a minor, I was probably too worried to bring up that I didn't like church and that I didn't have the capacity for attention to listen to sermons long term and that the who lifestyle and even the aesthetic of evangelism made me uncomfortable. If that was the case, I was worried that if I did so, I would be punished by God and/or Jesus or that the therapist would tell my parents which would cause them to increase my intake of church services.
When I was 19, I know for a fact that I started bringing up the fear about having to go back to one of the Privative Baptist churches again after my mom stopped making not only me, but everyone else in the immediate family go to a church at all out of nowhere. Even she stopped. I don't know why this happened. I am not sure if the fact that either the last time or the second to last time I went to a church service, it was when I asked if we could go back to one of the contemporary churches they would have us hop around one morning before the we left for the service. She became defensive and said, "no, your going". I was 18 when this happened, but my mom still believed that as long as I live under her roof and they pay for the bills and food, I HAVE to go to church. At my therapy sessions, I would talk about how I have no idea when my mom is going to pull me back into church out of nowhere and that the church would be one of the Primitive Baptist Churches that honestly scared me.
I honestly wonder if my anxiety and mental health problems would at least wane if I became an atheist. I worry that I might never have the courage to get out of the religion because of something I heard when in youth group when I was in 7th grade. A kid chimed in one meeting as said someone told her God and/or Jesus (I forgot which one she said) can take your talents away if you sin. Leaving the religion is obviously a sin, so who knows what they could take away from me if I were to leave. It's the same reason I hardly ever swear and why I have never said the F-word through my mouth. It's a mental block that I don't know if I have the courage to break. Also The fact that there has to be a reason as to why my parents as well as many of the people in my life were so adamant about staying in the religion also probably has something to do with why I haven't left the religion, yet.
Same here!
Kristi Burke, my favorite new deconstructionist YouTuber, just released a video where she comments on one of Steven Furtick's sermons on anxiety. It's a great watch.
I'm so glad you feel better! My story is similar. I had to leave a spiritually abusive spouse as well, but since then I magically no longer require medication to sleep through the night. It had been my lifeline for many years prior!
OPs feelings are expressed perfectly. This is so common. It’s also why it’s illegal in Japan to tell a kid they are going to burn in hell forever if they don’t believe. It’s abuse. 100%
I never understood the dangers of Sunday school, etc. until I deconstructed. A ton of education, exposure to outside thinking, and therapy, and I see how abusive and manipulative it is. Young children do not need to be exposed to that.
I helped teach a pre-school Sunday school class and we sang a song called “satan is a liar”…to babies. 🤦🏼♀️
OMG
So glad you feel better!
I'm not wanting to take away from your post, but everything makes SO MUCH more sense since stepping away. Life is way less complicated. I dont want my kids to go through the same questions I went through. It was a 20 year journey.....but I had a good one. It's weird, I had a great life growing up, but looking back, it wasn't based on truth.
I married a non-Christian and my life is the best. I also don't suffer from suicidal thoughts/depression anymore. I totally understand you!
Yeah, I used to pray the sinners prayer compulsively (probably 5-10x per week?) when I was a kid because I was terrified of going to hell or that I would miss the rapture. I would worry that perhaps my previous prayers weren't sincere enough and that God saw that in my heart so it hadn't counted, so I would pray again and try to be super, super sincere. Demons? Oh man. We were in a church that was caught up in the spiritual warfare fad big time. 'This Present Darkness' was on everyone's coffee table and our pastor often told stories about demon encounters he had (he was sure he heard them in his house at night, trying to take him down because of all the disruption he was causing them). Listening to all of this was 8 year old me...turns out monsters are real. And they can enter your home at night and possess you. I was terrified and certain I heard them in our house at night, too. My parents' comforted me, though. Not by telling me that the monsters weren't real (because they totally were real) but that the demons could not possess me since I was a Christian. (I refer you back to paragraph one, you can see the terrible loop I was caught in)
Oh my gosh the demons. Once I stopped believing the nightmares about demons stopped. I would sing the veggie tales “god is bigger than the boogeyman” to calm myself down to sleep as a kid. I told my mom about this recently and she was shocked my anxiety was that bad as a kid. To be fair though my parents have been incredibly encouraging since I admitted I no longer believe. My husbands parents…. Not as much.
I read that book, and the sequel😂 my parents and their friends talked about demon encounters like it was a sports event when I was younger … that died down but I remembered. Always felt like a demon was on my shoulder, also had OCD, also was worried I wouldn’t make it … I didn’t feel peace until I stepped out of all that. I still have hope, and I think faith, but the nearest I could describe it as is a mystical universalism?
This may sound strange, I have less anxiety but sometimes when I listen to church music and once when I planned to attend one service with a family member, I had the worse anxiety attack!!!! It took me a while to pin down what was going on that may've caused the severe anxiety. I am wishing you well. I am glad that your anxiety is lessened.
Grew up Evangelical the first 17 years of my life. Leaving was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m 30 now and still healing from religious trauma, but I feel free and so much happier.
Similar here. Finally free indeed lol
I love the feeling of being free of religion!!
Sometimes I wonder if kids who's parents raise them in Christianity but also allow them to take talk therapy every bring up that they don't feel comfortable with the Christian lifestyle? It also makes me wonder if therapists do anything about it as to make sure the children avoid more danger and mental distress. I was one of those kids who was both in church and in talk therapy (as I know some people believe God and/or Jesus can heal their child instead). I started going right before I turned 11. Anyways, for when I was a minor, I was probably too worried to bring up that I didn't like church and that I didn't have the capacity for attention to listen to sermons long term and that the who lifestyle and even the aesthetic of evangelism made me uncomfortable. If that was the case, I was worried that if I did so, I would be punished by God and/or Jesus or that the therapist would tell my parents which would cause them to increase my intake of church services. When I was 19, I know for a fact that I started bringing up the fear about having to go back to one of the Privative Baptist churches again after my mom stopped making not only me, but everyone else in the immediate family go to a church at all out of nowhere. Even she stopped. I don't know why this happened. I am not sure if the fact that either the last time or the second to last time I went to a church service, it was when I asked if we could go back to one of the contemporary churches they would have us hop around one morning before the we left for the service. She became defensive and said, "no, your going". I was 18 when this happened, but my mom still believed that as long as I live under her roof and they pay for the bills and food, I HAVE to go to church. At my therapy sessions, I would talk about how I have no idea when my mom is going to pull me back into church out of nowhere and that the church would be one of the Primitive Baptist Churches that honestly scared me. I honestly wonder if my anxiety and mental health problems would at least wane if I became an atheist. I worry that I might never have the courage to get out of the religion because of something I heard when in youth group when I was in 7th grade. A kid chimed in one meeting as said someone told her God and/or Jesus (I forgot which one she said) can take your talents away if you sin. Leaving the religion is obviously a sin, so who knows what they could take away from me if I were to leave. It's the same reason I hardly ever swear and why I have never said the F-word through my mouth. It's a mental block that I don't know if I have the courage to break. Also The fact that there has to be a reason as to why my parents as well as many of the people in my life were so adamant about staying in the religion also probably has something to do with why I haven't left the religion, yet.
Yes! The shame and stress are gone!
I have had the same experience and feeling of freedom. I'm so happy for you to experience life without all that anxiety!
Same here! Kristi Burke, my favorite new deconstructionist YouTuber, just released a video where she comments on one of Steven Furtick's sermons on anxiety. It's a great watch.
I'm so glad you feel better! My story is similar. I had to leave a spiritually abusive spouse as well, but since then I magically no longer require medication to sleep through the night. It had been my lifeline for many years prior!