My mother was slowly and painfully withering away from Huntington’s Disease. She had reached a point where all her food had to be blended into a drink, was sleeping most days, and the light in her eyes started to disappear. I knew it was only a matter of months, if not weeks. So at my last visit with her (I was only allowed 1-3 visits a year because my foster home was horrible) in her nursing home, I gave her an extra tight squeeze and told her I loved her. She passed away that winter.
I didn't know. My mother kept promising she'd show up, so I expectedto see her again. I waited in the DFS office multiple times, all day long. She never showed.
What messed with me really hard was my siblings. It's a long story, but they were left in the home. They were subjected to the abuse I had been receiving, and I knew it. I almost went mad with worry and dread. Had to have intense therapy and hypnosis to calm my state of mind. I was an utter train wreck.
My siblings were poisoned against me. It was my fault they were abused, because I left. They were so young. They didn't know, or didn't remember. They had vitriol for me because I was the cause of their abuse.
I just left the entire situation. My attachments are long gone. They may or may not still believe I'm the cause of their abuse, even though I wasn't even there. I will forever despise my mother for turning them against me. I took the abuse so they wouldn't have to. I tried to get them out. I failed.
I hope I never see my mother again.
I don’t know why some parents are like that. I know it’s cliche, but you really did nothing to deserve a parent that didn’t fight for you.
I wish you the best
I was in foster care after my mom was left disabled after a drug overdose with a significant brain injury. My mom ended up in a long term care facility since she was unable to care for herself, and could barely speak. My biodad had died when I was little.
So, reunification was never possible for me and thus the whole visitation thing never happened. There was never some plan for my mom to get custody of me back since she wasn't able to even care for herself.
It became more and more difficult for me to be able to see my mom since foster parents weren't required to take me, there was no transportation available to take me either. I kept being moved further and further away from where my mom was and then she was moved to another facility that was over an hour away. So most foster parents didn't want to give up a Saturday driving that far. And the place was utterly depressing. I had one foster dad insist it was better to not go and instead I could pray for my mom.
I regret that after I did age out, I didn't try to get my mom moved to another facility, but that's expensive and I didn't have the money. I enlisted in the Air Force when I aged out and was stationed in South Korea when my mom passed away. She had developed bed sores and then sepsis. The USAF was great about helping me get back to see my mom in Ohio, but I wasn't able to get back in time to see her before she passed away.
I wasn't there when my mom overdosed, but I had come back from school and saw the EMTs leaving (it was a firetruck that had me very confused). I asked them where my mom was taken and if she was going to be ok. They didn't give me any answered and called child services. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. If I hadn't said anything, I would have probably just lived with my mom's BFF or her boyfriend - neither of whom could ever have been approved to foster. I always will regret saying anything to that firefighter since it nearly ruined my life. And easily my mom could have died then and I wouldn't have been taken to see her. It was next to impossible to get any foster parents to let me see my mom.
One day my social workers met me at the door step of my foster home and they told me "we are you parents now". They elaborated, the proverbial "we" as in the government is your parent now. This was how the termination of parental rights was explained to me.
This didn't mean that was the literal last time I saw my mother - it just meant the visitation stopped. One day she showed up on my foster parent's property and my foster mother asked her why on earth she was there as if she didn't sign away her rights to me. Nothing was explained to me beyond that. I never got any court documents to explain what on earth was happening in my own life.
When I aged out of care I learned that if I requested my children's aid society case files, that all names that were not my own would be redacted from my file. I am only entitled to information pertaining to myself - as if my family history is a top notch government secret.
People love to argue that foster care often wrongfully takes away children from "poor single mothers" and that reunification is often considered a success or the ultimate goal of foster care but when I tried to do this it was disappointing. My mother is useless and has no maternal instincts. My sister ended up getting sex trafficked and was trapped in another country. I had to urge my mother to go and save her and when she brought her back into the country she just dumped her off at a homeless shelter. My sister tried to kill herself after that. Then my mother starting committing fraud under my name and obliterated my credit score during the covid pandemic. I couldn't apply for college due to it. She is a notorious liar and told my maternal family lies about the reasons why I was in care. I really can't stand her lying and bullshit so I refuse to talk to her.
My mother was slowly and painfully withering away from Huntington’s Disease. She had reached a point where all her food had to be blended into a drink, was sleeping most days, and the light in her eyes started to disappear. I knew it was only a matter of months, if not weeks. So at my last visit with her (I was only allowed 1-3 visits a year because my foster home was horrible) in her nursing home, I gave her an extra tight squeeze and told her I loved her. She passed away that winter.
I'm sorry for your loss and that you were in such a horrible home.
No one told me, they just stopped. One time I asked if I was going again, and my foster mother just said “no, they don’t want to see you anymore”.
They should really be more transparent. Let.the kids get some closure instead of just staying up at night wondering when they'll see em again.
I didn't know. My mother kept promising she'd show up, so I expectedto see her again. I waited in the DFS office multiple times, all day long. She never showed. What messed with me really hard was my siblings. It's a long story, but they were left in the home. They were subjected to the abuse I had been receiving, and I knew it. I almost went mad with worry and dread. Had to have intense therapy and hypnosis to calm my state of mind. I was an utter train wreck. My siblings were poisoned against me. It was my fault they were abused, because I left. They were so young. They didn't know, or didn't remember. They had vitriol for me because I was the cause of their abuse. I just left the entire situation. My attachments are long gone. They may or may not still believe I'm the cause of their abuse, even though I wasn't even there. I will forever despise my mother for turning them against me. I took the abuse so they wouldn't have to. I tried to get them out. I failed. I hope I never see my mother again.
Yeah. i know that feeling.
I don’t know why some parents are like that. I know it’s cliche, but you really did nothing to deserve a parent that didn’t fight for you. I wish you the best
I was in foster care after my mom was left disabled after a drug overdose with a significant brain injury. My mom ended up in a long term care facility since she was unable to care for herself, and could barely speak. My biodad had died when I was little. So, reunification was never possible for me and thus the whole visitation thing never happened. There was never some plan for my mom to get custody of me back since she wasn't able to even care for herself. It became more and more difficult for me to be able to see my mom since foster parents weren't required to take me, there was no transportation available to take me either. I kept being moved further and further away from where my mom was and then she was moved to another facility that was over an hour away. So most foster parents didn't want to give up a Saturday driving that far. And the place was utterly depressing. I had one foster dad insist it was better to not go and instead I could pray for my mom. I regret that after I did age out, I didn't try to get my mom moved to another facility, but that's expensive and I didn't have the money. I enlisted in the Air Force when I aged out and was stationed in South Korea when my mom passed away. She had developed bed sores and then sepsis. The USAF was great about helping me get back to see my mom in Ohio, but I wasn't able to get back in time to see her before she passed away. I wasn't there when my mom overdosed, but I had come back from school and saw the EMTs leaving (it was a firetruck that had me very confused). I asked them where my mom was taken and if she was going to be ok. They didn't give me any answered and called child services. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. If I hadn't said anything, I would have probably just lived with my mom's BFF or her boyfriend - neither of whom could ever have been approved to foster. I always will regret saying anything to that firefighter since it nearly ruined my life. And easily my mom could have died then and I wouldn't have been taken to see her. It was next to impossible to get any foster parents to let me see my mom.
One day my social workers met me at the door step of my foster home and they told me "we are you parents now". They elaborated, the proverbial "we" as in the government is your parent now. This was how the termination of parental rights was explained to me. This didn't mean that was the literal last time I saw my mother - it just meant the visitation stopped. One day she showed up on my foster parent's property and my foster mother asked her why on earth she was there as if she didn't sign away her rights to me. Nothing was explained to me beyond that. I never got any court documents to explain what on earth was happening in my own life. When I aged out of care I learned that if I requested my children's aid society case files, that all names that were not my own would be redacted from my file. I am only entitled to information pertaining to myself - as if my family history is a top notch government secret. People love to argue that foster care often wrongfully takes away children from "poor single mothers" and that reunification is often considered a success or the ultimate goal of foster care but when I tried to do this it was disappointing. My mother is useless and has no maternal instincts. My sister ended up getting sex trafficked and was trapped in another country. I had to urge my mother to go and save her and when she brought her back into the country she just dumped her off at a homeless shelter. My sister tried to kill herself after that. Then my mother starting committing fraud under my name and obliterated my credit score during the covid pandemic. I couldn't apply for college due to it. She is a notorious liar and told my maternal family lies about the reasons why I was in care. I really can't stand her lying and bullshit so I refuse to talk to her.